Forever Fredless

The writing's good and technically quite polished. I liked the protag, she seemed affable and engaging. The story meandered a bit and seemed to go off on tangents. Her parents thought she was a great dancer but you never follow this up or use it very effectively. I don't think parents just state an ability out of context like that. they might say it at a disco, or if they thought the kid was going to ballet school etc, but not just, 'Hello. Our kid's great at dancing. Bye then.' Just feels random.

She bumps into Fred, again very random, and the moment is pretty ordinary, made special only by the narrator insisting it was so. There's a mention of trouble between parents but no real sign of it, and when she says she should have known what was coming again there's no follow up. Are you referring tot he break up of the marriage seven years later?

At the moment it's easy to read but feels very unfocused. You throw lots of (seemingly) random background info at the reader and there's no build up of events or connection between all the separate bits of narrative. Ultimately her feeling that Fred was The One carried no real weight with me and I don't really believe her.

Suzy,
There's a lot here to like. Credible characters, chatty style, nice setting.
Sometimes it feels a bit too chatty even though that's part of its charm. There are moments where the pace slackens because the asides and thoughts distract the reader from the main storyline.
Good luck with it though.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

I am officially in love. I LOVE this story, your writing...amazing!!! I've read it all, and loved every word. [how many times can you use love in one sentence?]

Amazing. I would very much like to read more. So far we know about Kate and her friends, we've been on holiday with them, we're getting to know more about Tony and we've had a glimpse of the AMAZING things Kate's inherited....but when is she going to find Fred? Was Marc with a "C" actually Fred....and he was getting married, wasn't he???

I empathise with Kate and I too have formulated this image of "the perfect boy". I think about him ALL the time and every really nice guy I've met I've scorned because he "doesn't match up". Having experienced the company of two boys I thought were "my type", and being SORELY disillusioned, I've slowly come to realise I will never find exactly what I'm looking for. However, this hasn't stopped me from my obsessive comparisons. I'm such an idiot. I recently turned down a guy who was an absolute gem because he didn't look my type. Idiot.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE upload more SOON?????

I really LOVE your book. It's officially my favourite book on this site. Your style makes for an easy, entertaining, gripping read. Which is uncommon. Very seldom to you find a page turner that's laid back but still interesting. You have just the right amount of emotion and intrigue. I love it. I hope I've made sense???? I really can't wait to read the hard back. And I cannot wait to watch the movie ;)

All the best, god bless, and thank you for Forever Fredless.

Bragitta Shay
"REGENESIS"

NO! NO NO NO!!! Where is the rest??? You can't leave me like this???? I NEED to know what happens!!! I am not going to be able to sleep!!! Please inform me as soon as you post the rest. SERIOUS case of anxiously-held-in-suspense-and-I'll-die-if-I-don't-know-what-happens!!!!!!!!

Intrigued by your pitch, hooked by your dialogue. Devoted by the end of chapter 1 =) LOVE it =) Some things about Kate remind me eerily of myself......

Will read more and get a better comment for you.

Backed with the UTMOST pleasure,
Bragitta Shay
"REGENESIS"

Crisp narrative and dialogue makes this a pleasure to read.

You have a wonderful easy storytelling style. It was like listening to a best friend over coffee. This is an enjoyable read. I wish you every success with it. Sana x

Cute title and cute cover. The pitch is short enough to make me read on and as promises, story trots along - jumped around some from one to five to seven and at seven the style is different less narrative more 'novelly' - as in the writing is at times too Dear Diary and the reader feels disconnect.. Chap 7 is right there. Good luck. The tails of Willie Gusty

Suzy,
Forever Fredless has great appeal as a romance novel due to the originality of the storyline. Kate's obsession with Fred makes her so unusual and intriguing. Backed with enthusiasm.

Forever Fredless
I like your style of writing
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Hi Suzy!
I really enjoyed your first chapter and have backed with pleasure. I loved the description of the first look at "Fred"...it was like a picture coming to life, brush-stroke by brush-stroke..."high cheeckbone...flushed pink". Great descriptors! Good luck!

Sincerely,
Heidi
An Unexpected Obsession

A superb addition to the chick lit genre and one that has all of the energy and zip to put it head and shoulders above its rivals.

BACKED

Suzy, this is fab. I laughed out loud when she fell over on the bus. You've got all the elements of a great chick lit book - the mystery of Fred, natural dialogue between friends, new and disastrous relationships and a sassy voice.

There were a couple of parts in the prologue that didn't quite ring true:
- Her parents are proud of her dancing, but they don't watch her, they go to the pub.
- How does Kate know her mum had an argument with her dad? There was no hint of it.

Those are just tiny things though. I love the rest and the title is genius.
Very backed x

Dear Suzy

I would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also getting this book of your published

The VERY best of luck to you.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also

BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
Denise
The Letter

Dear Suzy, Well, here I am reading & commenting on your delightful love story. :) Your pitch prepared me for the search of Kate for her dear Fred. :) What a wonderful love story. :) I knew it come out fine in the end. :) Your crisp dialogue & paragraphs made for a fun quick read. :) Hope you write a lot more books. :) I've backed both of your 2 books (your 1st book 100 days ago). :) I'd be so happy if you'd take a moment to back my memoir book. :) Thank you ever so much. :) Love, Susie :)

Suzy -

Forever Fredless - A short meeting, leaving Kate with a vivid image of a boy, so strong, she can never forget his eyes. A lovely flow to the writing, which drew me easily into the story. The pitch has the ring of fairy tale, I haven't read far enough, but I reckon the suitors will line up. Just a guess, maybe she will test them all.

Backed with pleasure, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

This is the perfect set up for the plot to follow...unless your one of those that puts twists at the ends! You were easily able to keep me interested and engaged! BACKED
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

:) comment to follow - read & comment on 2 hours later :)