The Middle of Nowhere

A very funny read that made me think a little of Eddie Izzard and Good Omens, and thats not a bad thing!
Backed with pleasure!

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Very amusing and so well written! Not my usual read but so well constructed you can't see the joins. Will appeal immensely to your target audience. Will surely succeed on this site. Backed Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Hey dude, I am so happy that you finished yours now :-). I have thoroughly enjoyed every stage of the story that you have allowed me to read and wish all the best for your novel. Zachery is an awesome lead character, although murphy is still my favourite! The tale is witty and flows extremely well drawing you deeper into the plot.

Congratulations my friend

You have written a very interesting, funny and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Zachery. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Alexander. Read your opening and enjoyed it. The relationship between father and son is well defined and the humour spot on. I did have a few nitpicks, which are outlined below. Hope they’re of use to you and good luck.

Pitch: Typo, as he meets creatures he considered to be nothing more (that) myths... Bracketed word should be “than.”
Profile: I loved Kristin Cashore’s. The I at the beginning of the sentence is lower case.
Prologue. This sets the scene very quickly and gives the reader an immediate image. The narrative and dialogue are mostly tight and focused.
Wordiness:…and came and putting his arm around him sat beside him on the bed. This sentence is a little clunky, suggest rejigging along the lines: and putting an arm around him, sat beside his son on the bed.
Repetition and particularity: “One day after the monsters… you use the word “had” a lot in this paragraph, suggest something along the lines of: One day after the monsters were extra naughty… a man who was the mightiest hero, decided something should be done about the leaders of the monsters because … The hero was very strong and possessed a mighty sword… He fought with the monster leader. (He) darted off the bed… Who? The father or the hero?
Typo: “(w)ell yes, just like that… The bracketed letter should be a capital W.
Repetition: The magic man of the people realised that the (body)…and so he made the men dig up the (body)…and finally they got to the monster leaders (body)…

Hi Alexander,

Your story is very interesting. I enjoyed.

Cheers,

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Dear Alexander, such a Sangfroid of superheroes, [ It had me donning my suit ]. Great premise and poise, I could almost picture your hero on the front of a comic book. The battle he struggles with is just a generous taste of of the travesty and torment, that must be coming with such a good read. Good luck and all the best with your book. Bloody brilliant. take care, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Nice, playful opening with the father and son, and a great start to the father's story where we're expecting a tall tale, but find that we're in a lesson on tectonic plates. The father keeps levity in the story with his antics, and a tall tales element begins to emerge.

The boy has a series of awkward or embarrassing questions, including 'Like when you used that stuff in the garden'. Everything is fun, and obviously made up nonsense, or so we think, until the reliquary make an appearance, then we know we're in an entirely different kind of story.

Time for a change of scene. I have difficulty picturing what is meant by 'giant' here, so soon after the previous 'story'. Is it really a giant, or a big man, or a man at all? I really like the attempt to portray the voice of God in print - and the decision to settle on James Mason. Is the scene with the giant actually needed, as what is happening is explained in the God scene?

Then we get our first glimpse of Zachery (if the boy wasn't him, years ago - I'd need to read on) the protagonist who has to make sense of it all.

As I first thought, Alexander, there's not much wrong with the writing, and it has some great moments: 'caught tightly on the story', 'the body should have decomposted', 'I think we should stop letting you watch the Discovery Channel'. It needs a bit of tidying, especially the punctuation, but any early draft of a novel does. The most important thing is having a story and telling it well, which you do. I'd like to see this again at a later stage. Meanwhile, I'm going to give it a high rating.

Possible nits: 'his father, the ever pursuing monster[,] followed' the commas here separate the qualifying phrase from the rest of the sentence. Similar here, 'and came and, putting his arm around him[,] sat beside him on the bed'.

'son[']s wide eyes'. 'who's face' -> 'whose face'. 'No one ever found her...' this paragraph needs a lot more punctuation, e.g. 'Where was I?'

Dialogue punctuation should be: "Yes," she said (the 'she said' is part of the same sentence as what she said), "Really?" he asked. Anything that isn't to do with the 'talking' is a separate sentence, e.g. "You can never tell." He shook his head. So, that first piece of dialogue should be, "Can you read me a story?" the boy asked... Also, make sure there IS some punctuation, e.g. "Hmm[,]" the father said dramatically[.] "I could tell you a story my father told me[.] Is that any good?"

Humorous, intersting, and quite irreverant. I enjoyed the opening father and son scene, with its grim fairy tale. Sets the scene quite well. Games Mason as God? Always liked him as an actor but not that much :-). Good read. Well done. Many stars.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

For audacity of story, this is a winner. But it was a very hard-going read for me, with usage errors, misspellings, typoes, and malapropisms in nearly every sentence. A reader shouldn't have to keep stopping to try to figure out what the author is trying to say - and, yes, publishers have in-house editors who fix up the stray missing comma - but a work this poorly edited isn't going to get past the first reading. A writer needs to take enough pride in his or her work to present it far better than this. If you aren't up to doing the line-editing yourself, please find someone who can. There is a good story in here, and I will back it just as soon as the novels on my bookshelf are released from their incarceration - but that story is at present very hard to find.

--James

Very funny, very observant, and bound to be a wow with the kiddies. backed Jaye

lovely, absolutely lovely!

Stephie (The other side of Nowhere)

Alexander,
Your creativity is off the charts, and I like, immensely, how you have set the story up. Best of luck with it. I detest throwing wrenches at the monkies, but you need, or you need to hire someone, to do a line edit. Your have errors of commas, capitalization, tense, missing words, etc. which draw away from your wonderful story. And your story is just too fine to lose in some final race because of a blasted comma or a lack of capitalization. Best of luck.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Hi Alexander,
I've enjoyed reading your story and know it will do well. Congratulations on finishing it! You are on my shelf!
Sincerely, Heidi
(An Unexpected Obsession)

Wonderfully imaginative writing! Backed with Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

Wonderfully imaginative writing! Backed with Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

Hi Alex.

I found this very funny. The voice of James Mason—and it worked! Yes there are some typos, but it’s not the end of the world. I’d just have a look over it again for full stops and capitals, as you’ve some dialogue that has description between points but no full stops. But we all do it. And typo is not a dirty word.

My only advice would be not to splice up the story too much. You have a lot going on in the first chapter and it could get confusing. But if you want a speedy story, then stick with the layout as is.

Backed with pleasure. Hope you can take a look at my offering of Hotel Carousel.

Good luck to you

Sar

There are a lot of silly grammatical errors that detract, which is the kind of stuff that keeps you buried in the infamous slush pile. Such as "Just like Grandma Joe?" Grandma has a name like Joe? There are far too many and perhaps an editor can help with this. (Mine was worse, by the way) Good luck. The tails of willie gusty

there isn't anything grammatically incorrect with "just like grandma joe?" the grandmother is called Joe, and the boy isn't going to call his father Joe he would call him dad, so i'm guessing you've possibly confused yourself but again you are right there are many many grammar issues unfortunately the one you chose to point out wasn't one of them

but again thank you for the advice about an editor, it is something in the pipe line.

Alexander

There are a lot of silly grammatical errors that detract, which is the kind of stuff that keeps you buried in the infamous slush pile. Such as "Just like Grandma Joe?" Grandma has a name like Joe? There are far too many and perhaps an editor can help with this. (Mine was worse, by the way) Good luck. The tails of willie gusty

I really like this, I like your writing, I like your dialogue. The premise is so unique and different. I usually read 3 chapters but I had to force myself to stop at 5. Never enough time. You've got something special here I think. The action is well thought out. I liked the prologue starting out all nice with a bedtime story then changing from there. You spread the humor in at just the right spots and it doesn't feel like you are trying too hard as with some humor. Very nice job! I enjoyed it a lot!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

A very funny read that made me think a little of Eddie Izzard and Good Omens, and thats not a bad thing!
Backed with pleasure!

Simon,
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else.

Good story well written. You are a good writer. Wish you well with your work. Backed.

I hope you will take a look at my novel, Earth Reaver. I would welcome any comments and your backing.

Herschel Shirley

I loved the beginning of this- it really was so storytellerish, I wanted to wrap up in a blanket myself and listen. The pitch looked good, then that great start - then what??? A giant? lol. God talking a sort of text speak? Wonderful stuff. I agree your target audience will love this one.
Polly
STONES.

This is a good fun story, cleverly written and with a well conceived plot. Zachery is a likeable protagonist and the flow of events that change his life is handled with a great imaginitive flair. Excellent work.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck Alex.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

Great idea for a book! I was captured by your pitch and glowing cover! You write a good yarn. Your target audience will be enthralled. Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Dear Alexander,
You have an entertaining and amusing first chapter. I enjoyed the juxtaposition between the father trying to tell the story and the young boy bringing up the logical contradictions. Sweet!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

So....when the prologue started I was very interested, but as it went along, I felt like it was a little lengthy. I found myself scrolling down to see how much was left. I think part of the problem, which I have read in other comments, is the structure and length of the paragraphs. I think one way to solve that is to read it out loud. If you find yourself rambling, without able to take a breath, you need to add some punctuation. Also, as soon as the subject of the writing changes, you should make another paragraph. So if the father is speaking and then the boy speaks, you should make a new paragraph, and if the father's story changes, you should start a new paragraph. It will help smooth it more I think, and make it easier to comprehend. But after all of that, as I read on, I started to see the three stories connect and by the end of the prologue, you had me hooked again. I think you just need to find a friend who can edit it, maybe take them out to dinner as payment and you will really have an intriguing, well written story. I hope this helps! Backed

Very amusing and so well written! Not my usual read but so well constructed you can't see the joins. Will appeal immensely to your target audience. Will surely succeed on this site. Backed Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Dear Alexander
The Middle of Nowhere is an amazing piece of literature, you should be extremely proud of. Having read your synopsis I was intrigued by it and dipped into your first chapter. I am happy to back this because it is so deserving. I will return to read the rest of the story when time permits and wish you much success.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

thank you all for your comments,

the paragraph structure of the prologue has hopefully be rectified and the comma's and punctuation i unfortunately have no idea about. im dyslexic and without direct prompting (i have edited the ones that have been pointed out) i haven't a clue where they are or should be. so if you have the time the more specific the direct the better

thank you again your support if brilliant and over whelming :D
Alexander.

Alexander,

Sure! I love the imagination that's flowing in every paragraph here. You clearly had a lot of fun writing this, and I had a lot of fun reading Zachery. Previous comments mention punctuation, and they're right, you're missing some commas and periods here, but you've got a great story hiding behind them.

Nice work! You're BACKED!

Kevin Alex Baker
Head Games

Apart from the tiny bit if editing this book needs, it is great. I can't really talk - mine's probably worse. I like the opening chapter and the plot. It was a very enjoyable read. It is original and entertaining, while your talent is obvious to all who take a look at your work. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Apart from the tiny bit if editing this book needs, it is great. I can't really talk - mine's probably worse. I like the opening chapter and the plot. It was a very enjoyable read. It is original and entertaining, while your talent is obvious to all who take a look at your work. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Tmeple Dancer.

Hey dude, I am so happy that you finished yours now :-). I have thoroughly enjoyed every stage of the story that you have allowed me to read and wish all the best for your novel. Zachery is an awesome lead character, although murphy is still my favourite! The tale is witty and flows extremely well drawing you deeper into the plot.

Congratulations my friend

Alexander

This opens well and the story the father tells his son is a familiar scene. It's a very long paragraph though and difficult to read on the screen; have you considered using the dialogue to break it up into shorter paragraphs?

(And the following paragraph contains both the boy and his father's dialogue, which should be split up.)

The scenes come fast and furious, almost too much so, with the scene where the giant is let go perhaps a tad short--I felt sort of jolted in and out of it. But there's humour throughout.

In chapter two there are a couple of paragraphs, beginning 'Jaxon could you please report to human resources . . .' that seem slightly out of place.

Oh, there's a line: 'Your late', which should have been 'You're late' around the conversation of zombies.

This is an eccentric piece, but made me smile, there's potential here. Backed.

Talented writing and an intriguing storyline make this easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Alex,
The Middle of Nowhere is an imaginative narrative which is sure to appeal to young readers of the fantasy genre. Zachery's adventures create a gripping account filled with suspense. Backed with pleasure.

How absolutely exciting. the opening scene with the father and boy was well done and sets the tone for the book. I found it enjoyable and entertaining and the theme is original.

Well written
best

Hi Alex, Most enjoyable, well-written and very amusing.
I made a few notes but there was very little ( a few commas) to criticise. Eg. in the opening apargraph:
'followed him into the room swept... (needs comma after room).

I loved the opening with father telling his son the bedtime story of monsters, the dead lawn, James Mason as the voice of God, his meeting with his gay informant and hearing about his hair stylist. and news of earth.
The curious Baka boy' is a good hook to make the reader want to know more.
A very nice piece of writing, backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

You have written a very interesting, funny and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Zachery. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
A good read, interesting topic. Some minor editing needed. Backed
When you have a moment I would be delighted if you would take a look at my book. Thanks and good luck on here.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS’ VILLAGE

Nothing wrong with the content but there are technicalities that need to be sorted out...many punctuation errors abound and some of your paragraphs are far too condensed. I think it would be better to separate the dialogue from the narrative as far as possible...good luck!
Stewart

Hi Alexander. Nice read! Good visual stuff. Structure is consistent, and I find your sentence flow refreshing. Nice way you handle the genre! Simply backed.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Dear Alexander, I love that I'm not Zachery. :) Your pitch made me decide that I need to be thankful that all of this isn't happening to me - I have enough problems already, but I'm thankful for not having his problems. :) You have a great creative mind with lots of adventure. :) Great write! :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs books? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Yeah, "preventing the Apocalypse is going to be tougher." Even though it's an impossible task Zachery has in store, I'm enjoying this since your writing style is very entertaining. "What is the news from hell?" ". . . it looks like they are going to have to start letting people go! They are downsizing their workforce because the of new automated torturers." I wonder if the same goes for Black Sites in Poland, Syria, and Albania. Man, the bad economy hits all sectors! I'm glad you uploaded the complete text. I can read more when I have time. Backed for now.

Dear Alexander
I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. such talent you have to create a compelling read for me. I also believe your long pitch sells your book well. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck to you
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
Denise
The Letter

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 2 hours later :)