The Secret

Great plot, just needs tightening up in places - guilty as charged myself so I know of what I speak.

Hi Iain

An interesting Dan Brown-style premise, convincingly done. This as the makings of a good conspiracy thriller. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

THE SECRET -Ian Wood
hullo Ian. you have done well with your history bringing ideas to life in an exciing way. You have been advised well by your fellow 'authorites', I have one small suggestion. try reading your book out loud either to yourself or an audiance. good way to 'sound it out', but only a suggestion! Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Iain,
I liked the premise of this, as others have said the writing could be better. And the only way to make the writing better is to keep writing. The advice I have read from several successful authors is to write every day. As well, read books every day that are in the genre you wish to write.
Some things I noticed while reading:
He could feel the cold hard stone beneath his knees. [if he is kneeling, then it is common sense that he can feel what he is kneeling on, and who is ‘he’? at this point we don’t know] Consider something like: Nick Method kneeled before his captors on the cold stone floor of the …
Unless his knees are injured, which at this point we don’t know, then the level of pain seems to be over the top.
You mention at some point – the adrenaline kicked in… , I am no expert but I would think the adrenaline would have gone into overdrive when Nick was abducted, and been long used up by the time you mention it kicking in.
I think you might be better served, dropping the prologue and opening with Nick kneeling before his captors and what happens then. Then drop the abduction details in pieves as flashbacks.
Just a thought,
Good luck and keep at it,
MickR – The Nightcrawler

Dear Iain
Excellent pitch and solid MC in Nick. After the prologue I expected a faster paced narrative with a clearer plotline. Secret societies, Knights Templar, ancient egypt are a potent brew but the mix needs a more definite winding up of tension. The dialogue is good and there is no doubt that you have the component parts of a bestseller if the narrative can be made more dramatic.

regards

Brian

THE SECRET
lain Wood

This is good. Really good. The tension is exquisite. I am like many other readers, the subject matter is fascinating. It never seems to be overworked when you are dealing with Ancient Egypt, The Templars and the secrets of the past.

I like your characters very much. You are good at defining their quirks and give each a personality that fits the role you have given them. Just one little nit that perhaps only bothers me. Nick's wife keeps calling him Babe or Baby. That flashes a picture in my mind that rather places him in a category that is less than masculine. It's one thing for him to call her that but somehow it seems silly the other way around. When you want the reader to develop a caring attitude toward a character, I think it is important to try to keep from making them annoying in some way.

Spell check does not always turn up typos. For example, you use new instead of knew. That happens frequently in your chapters you have posted here. I read them all. That was how good the story is. So, I would not be too overly critical of typos. Those can easily be fixed. It's the story that is most important and you have a terrific story to tell.

I backed The Secret based on your pitch, then I read it and can only wish for more. I hope you will tell me if you post further chapters.

Best of luck.

Mary Enck
Author of A King in Time

Woods-THE SECRET

Smashing and intensely charged opening. I love your descriptions and theme. Solid and appealing.

I think (maybe i could be wrong) that The order would be worth a few lines of background as the reader would want to know)

A page turner

best
THE MIND SETTER
BACKED (DAYS AGO)

Really, really intriguing story! I like it very much, and yes, as you described in your profile, friends and families do say that your writing is good, I know the feeling :)
But the story is good. Your writing could be better, but I believe that will come in time. You have great potential, you really do!! Keep writing, even if you have to write more than one book, before people notice you; if you keep up, you'll end up as a great author!! :)

Definitely backing the book! :)

Entertaining story. The writing can be cleaner (for eg, I don't think you need 'Were questions that he kept asking over and over", things like that- if the character is speaking his mind, you don't need to remind us of it.) Also, the italian is not how I would say it "e' l'ora" is "it's time", and "Dai lo a me" would be "give it to me." Unless they are speaking some dialect? "Dare" is "to give", while "dai" is give me. Anyway, I liked the overall feel, and the adrenaline-packed beginning! Backed.

ITo Lain Woo (The Secret)

I liked what you're offering us to read and I'm BACKING it. Good luck for the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Very entertaining so far and I have only read the first chapter. Good premise and nice flow. A pleasureful read.

I enjoyed it. A few mistakes that will have to be addressed eventually, but overall a very interesting read.

It's not just your family, thismis a solid story in the vein of Indiana Jones, Dan Brown and the Xfiles, you take classic elements and shake them to make them fresh, keep the faith and good luck,

RA RA for Iain Woods, Grand Master of the Order of the Thriller: THE SECRET.

Best and backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

I'm backing you based on your intriguing pitch. However, there are a few spelling errors that need corrected so they don't turn someone away from reading your book.
artefact-artifact
organisation-organization

Intriguing plot, grabs the reader's interest right from the beginning. Backed
Vall
Midwyf

Iain, secret societies are always a great hook - and you have begun with outlining all kinds of intriguiing questions. Well written and nicely bone-chilling. Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

This promises to be a very fine read...I enjoyed what I read and believe you have a great deal to offer as a writer...well done!
Stewart

Shelved The Secret. An excellent tale is developing early on and a nice hook on chap one, but there is a good deal to do before this gets to the editor's desk, or an agents. - Repetition and grammar problems all over the place, nothing a good edit can't cure. This could be a winner. Good luck.
I would be interested in seeing your take on Einstein's Road Trip, an offbeat lit fiction/urban fantasy, if your time allows. Thanks
G.

The Templars, christianity Egyptian beliefs and the Roman Empire are all fascinating topics. Nick is intrigued and the story flows well. There are some editting point sto address but I wish you well with this. K.J.

I was interested in your pitch, all those unanswered questions, then read the prologue with still more questions, so felt impelled to continue to find some answers. It promises to be a most intriguing story, and I like your characters, Nick and Paolo are both well-drawn, but I don't find your dialogue very convincing. There isn't really any need to keep saying 'he said' or 'she said' when there are only two people talking - we can keep up! I am backing you though as I think it has real potential, and with more editing it will flow more easily.
Lizilev

You do have a terrific story here and the technical issues will iron themselves out through editing. As a suggestion, read aloud when editing, it will show you where you're going astray or where dialog or scene descriptions need tweaking. But this is truly great and the story is what's important ... you have a great tale here! Backed!
Sincerely, Heidi
An Unexpected Obsession

What a great opener. You nailed it. I read through the museum scene with Olivia in ch 11. The book holds up well. I wish you every success.

You've really given us something interesting here! I got involved quickly and it keeps up its promise of being a thriller. I really liked Paolo's character, he's well crafted and so is Nick. You have the right mix of dialogue and action. And you know how to keep the reader invested. I wish I had more time to read because I want to know where this is heading and how it's going to tie together.

I have a couple minor suggestions! When you introduce Paolo, you use a really long paragraph to do so. I think breaking it into a couple would be better. Easy fix though! Then, at the beginning of chapter 4, your dialogue has a few too many tags on it. I think you can get rid of a few 'Nick said' and 'she said's'. We know it's just Nick and Louise so it won't confuse the reader to leave some of them off. Or replace them with action. Nick says something as he sits down in the kitchen. Does that make sense? It's the only place it really stood out to me.

Other than that, so far so good! I'm curious to see if Egypt plays into this somehow too! (Look at my book you'll know why). I really wish you luck with this and let me know if you need anything else!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Wow! What a start. This is a good story and well written. I don't know that I would have had Attilo explain why no one would question the Master's disappearance. It seemed a little weak to me. Reveal that later in the details. I also thought the 'suicide' story would be hard to sell with a hole through the heart from a sword. Beat him to death (his captors already had a leg up on that) and then throw him in front of a moving train. Just a couple of thoughts that occurred to me as I read the first chapter. Backed with pleasure.

I hope you will take a look at my novel, Earth Reaver. I would welcome any comments and your backing.

Herschel Shirley

"You read my mind baby." Comma after 'mind.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problem. Other than that, this is an edgy thriller. Great attention to detail. Well imagined storytelling. Believable characters with tense relationships. Intricate plot. A captivating read. Backed.

Hi lain,

Current I'm reading "Tutankhamun: The Book of Shadows" by Nick Drake, which is a fantastic read. While perusing your story, I found a few similarities, but truthfully, I found your writing to be lacking that flair or something special that you see in a really good novel.

I don’t mean to criticize, and I realize this is probably your first draft, but I think you need to go over this again and really pick out the extra words that dry up the suspense and add anything that may make for a better storyline.

Tom
[Humanoids]

A very intriguing storyline and well written. Backed.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

As your "about me" says you want honesty in feedback:

Before closing parentheses you need to add a comma or full-stop, for example: "think of my children," he sobbed.

The opening few paragraphs would be stronger if you replaced the cliches with original words of your own. For example: from all angles, like nothing he had ever known, panic gripped him.

I'm sure you're aware the title has been done before... in a major way.

BTW: "Denise" puts that exact same comment (right down to the syntax errors) EVERYWHERE. Don't get disappointed when you start seeing it under the work of others. Just think of it as part of the game people play to get to the top of the list. I suggest seeking out honest feedback is the best way for us new writers to learn from each other. Hopefully we can fine tune the craft of writing by learning from each other.

Dear Iain,
I read your prologue. It's wonderful writing but the subject is definitely not my cup of tea. There is only so much violence I can take. But I'm backing your book anyway in acknowledgment of the writing, which is clear and descriptive.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

I really enjoyed your writing style. It is an exciting and engaging plot, as the mystery unfolds. A nice flow, and well paced story. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Dear Iain
I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. such talent you have to create a compelling read for me. I also believe your long pitch sells your book well. I do wish to be part of your climb to the top on this site. CONGRATS and I will comment more as I read more.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also
The VERY best of luck to you
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
Denise
The Letter

Backed!

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Oh! very engagaing and I would surely recommend this one. You handle it well and keep the story flowing. The plot thrills.
Truly, I found your book impressive and more so, you connect with the reader. It is stimulating and provocative in content. Your style of writing is a cut above the rest. It was indeed a pleasure to read it.
Backed

The secret
An intreguing story, although you've quoted this a historical, I think it's more a thriller genre.
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

This has an interesting concept and Nick comes across well as the main character. The story contains a line of suspense which is needed and it also comes across as quite intriguing. The descriptions are well described and this has potential.

Backed,

Lisa

Iain,
I love the historical fiction genre of The Secret which creates a gripping read due to the mystery which is unraveled. I enjoyed what I read so far and look forward to seeing the complete work. Backed with pleasure.

You have a good start, but there are some form and grammar issues. In your first graph, as you are taken, the focus is on you. In the same graph you refer to "they," a reference that I think would be better in a new graph and the "they" should be introduced through the covered eyes -- how do we know it is a they? I think it would be better, instead of "Then they beat him..." to say "I felt blows to my head and body, inflicted by abductors who chose not to introduce themselves." Then you can carry on with they. In addition, you use various verb tenses in the same graph. Choose present, past --- was or has been -- and stick with it for better continuity. The story is interesting and readers will want to continue. But keeping it in the first person's perspective heightens the tension. Good luck.

You have written a very interesting and unique historical storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Nick. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Talented writing and an intriguing storyline make this easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Hi Iain,
I read your first couple of chapters and enjoyed them.
I made a few notes which I hope are helpful to you. Please feel free to ignore, if you wish, of course.
When you edit look out for your use of passive verbs. Try to make them more active. eg. '..he had been grabbed...forced...and then a cloth bag was put over his head, his hands were tied behind his back, his feet tied too --very passive.
You also change the subject of the sentence here from his (he had been grabbed) to 'a cloth bag was put...' Better to break the sentence with a full stop.
You repeat that his hands and feet were tied (they had tied his hands and feet)
You switch from the action of him being thrown from the van to 'He had laid there for...(that's another big switch from the action of it happening to a time in the future and another passive -- 'He lay there for some time' is active and keeps the flow of the narrative moving.
He heard the footsteps..then to the right, then he came into view (change of pov again -- the first 'he' is different from the second 'he', who comes into view.
I liked Nick and thought the dialogue was top class.
Backed with pleasure for good potential.
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Dear Iain, I love the intrigue of this secret down through the ages. Your pitch & prologue drew me in to read your book & your tight dialogue & paragraph kept me reading, along with the suspense of what would happen next. :) Amazing that this type of thing could happen. :) So, what will happen next? :) I've backed your book :) could you take a moment to back my memoirs books? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

First of all, it isn't necessary to put phrases in quotes (The Cube of Ra & The Fellowship). Secondly, a pitch is not a back cover or inside flap blurb or an advertisement. It is a way to interest editors and agents. Don't ask questions, although you will find some on this site who will do that. You're not writing advertising copy but a clear statement of what the books contains. Professionals don't like questions.

So, keep it simple. State the premise of your book and don't hold back any information. Keep it short. Keep it sweet. Make it interesting and informative. Consider this your 30-second elevator ride with a publishing pro. That's all the time you have to tell your story and get their interest so they will ask to read the book, or a partial (usually three chapters or 50 pages, whichever comes first).

That said, this sounds like Dan Brown's bailiwick, but Amenhotep III is a neat twist.

JMC
Among Women

:) comment to follow - read & comment on 1 hours later :)

I'm enjoying this very much. I love stories about secret societies and conspiracies. The prologue is gripping. You do need to be a little careful with your punctuation. You have a few sentences that end with no punctuation at all. Also, check your pitch. You wrote "discovers" twice in the first sentence and you misspell "further" and "accomplices." Personally, I don't care, but I thought you'd like to know.

I think you have an intriguing and fascinating plot. I like the way you start it with a protagonist who is a frustrated, first-time novelist. "What he didn't know yet is that sometimes, fiction is closer to the truth than we realize." Let the adventure begin. I'll be back for more. Backed for now.

Dear Ian,
This is amazing work..... yes there are a few editorial mistakes, but everyone on this site has them...... I for one loved it.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream