Secrets To Tell

The title of this book is very apt because as you have proved in the first few chapters, secrets are positively oozing out of the pages. I loved the prologue. It is very well executed and builds the suspense nicely, making the reader keen to get to chapter one. The chapter where Cleo reveals her secret to Jo is well written. It feels like the tip of a very large iceberg. The only criticism I have is the amount of characters introduced in chapter 1. At one point I had to make a list of who was who and their connection to each other. Blame that on my poor memory though. Overall I enjoyed Secrets To Tell. I will put it on my watchlist to go back to when I have more time.

Kim (Pain)

hi Carole, I read your story with pain in my heart and I have a chapter much like your prologue. At first I didn't realise there was so much that you have written. Sorry not paying attention.
I will put it on my shelf when I have figured how to do that.


regards, Mary

Dear Carole,

"Emma has secrets, from her past, shared with only her closest family and her best friends, Sophie and Jo. Secrets she would rather not share with anyone" - I share mine too, "Destined to Triumph" - most vivid piece being in CHAPTER 24: MISTAKING A WET THUNDERBIRD FOR A DOVE, "A problem shared is a problem half resolved. In similar vein, if one tries to find out, it is why when the renowned American Preacher and Teacher, Joyce Meyer, is talking about her life dilemmas and opportunities, she is passionate about telling of her Dad sexually abusing her when she was a teenager.

So Emma, with descriptor, "Secrets To Tell ".

Julius B.

Hi Carol. First paragraph, take out the passive 'was'. Try writing something like: She lay in a.... Passive words like 'was', 'had been' or 'could' should only been used when there's no other option. Just Google the words 'passive writing' to find out more. Taking that example: 'Her collection of green and white Bone Chine lay around her....'

Also, 'welsh dresser' could be 'Welsh Dresser' or 'Welsh dresser. I'm from Wales and it needs a capital letter to make it a title of a country. Also, 'Chine', as in the above sentence I changed. Indeed, break that sentence at '....where her head....' and start afresh with 'Her head had connected....(there's still a passive 'had' in there but it's needed).' I'd take out the word 'largest' and say 'large' as it's more decisive and this is a decisive moment.

Again with the passive 'could' in the 2nd para: 'She could feel.... could easily be changed to: 'She felt......'.

You will find passive words get in the way of the story and is a common mistake with most writers until they are made aware of it.

I can delete this comment once you've seen it. Please let me know if you'd like this?

Backed with pleasure..Read to Chapter 12.

I really enjoyed reading your book, I have not yet reached the part where the book becomes a thriller as stated in the genre description; so I'll continue to read. The first chapter is very intriguing and it makes you want to read on to see who this poor woman is (I assume it's Emma?; yet I'll read on to confirm my inkling, for I may be very wrong indeed). I am totally blown away by your character Em, she is fantastic! Anyway, I am probably rambling on but I wanted to let you know that you have a great way with words and have kept me entertained throughout. I wish you the very best!

Rebecca

Enjoying your book.

Wow...this is already an amazing story from the starting gate. Extremely vivid and descriptive. I know already I'm going to like this story!

I think this book has a really great set-up! I love the romantic thriller vibe you're aiming for. My one big criticism is about your sentence structure. Some of your sentences get very long-winded and have multiple clauses, which can be very difficult for a reader to follow; other times, you get heavy-handed with commas when there should be things like semicolons. Looking at those things will give this book an even better flow

Sarah "Choosing Love"

Hi Carole

I really liked the prologue, it grabs your attention immediately and makes you want to know who they are and how they got there. This isn't my usual genre but I enjoyed the first couple of chapters and may well be back for more.

Carole, some great story telling here, but...

...I don't like the opening to the first paragraph. It covers such a dramatic premise, yet the reader needs to go through it a couple of times to understand it. AND its's the opening.

The rest of the story then flows well...though you could break up the sentences a little (but we could all do that...I know I need to do it more than you!). Anyway, back to the opening...love the dogs by the way, they are like that...sorry, waffle writing. A suggestion for your opening:

"She lay in the foetal position, the cold flags of the the floor beneath her and facing the Welsh dresser. Around her was strewn her prized collection of china, the green and white porcelain in pieces, and the majority beyond salvage; though the teapot remained whole. She was amazed the dresser had remained upright, especially when her head had impacted the corner of the old oak piece. It was a miracle the whole thing had not come down on her.
From the cut above her eye, blood trickled down her hair and pooled on the stone floor.
Yet still she did not move.
If he believed her unconscious, then maybe...maybe...he'd calm down.
Then he might leave her alone?"

It's just a thought. I've tried to break the sentences up for you and deliver more impact. It's a matter of taste and if I was any good at this I'd be published.

Remember that the above is the thoughts of someone who began writing only to improve his englash...and it no betterer now.

DJ-The Lost Cactus

I was intrigued from the very beginning & am looking forward to reading more...backed! =)

Certainly a great story, Carole -although I'm still wondering who the poor lass was in the prologue.

The characters are all very distinctive and I adore the two old ladies! You could afford to cut back a bit on their 'backstory' (or copy and paste it into a later section of the novel) so that we get to the action of Cleo's story a bit faster.

It's not really my genre but I can see myself on a sunny beach reading this! All the best.

Hi Carole,

As promised, I have started your book. I've read the first three chapters and think it flows really well. The prologue really lures you in, and then the gentle opening of the story begins. Very clever.

I have not read enough to warrant committing it to my bookshelf just yet but am confident that that will change the further I progress through your intriguing story.

Emily

I like the sound of Lily- what an exciting character! All the characters, in fact, are introduced well and you write with good flow and description. If I were to be honest, I did find the short pitch slightly cliched, and the longer pitch perhaps said the word 'secret' a little too often. Having said that, it reminded me of the articles in gossip magazines and for that reason would probably be good to entice those looking for a fun chick lit book.
Best wishes with it!
Karen

Hi Carole,
Now read upto and including Chapter 9 - love the story, it is a really great chick lit novel. Now I have read more, the only thing you could maybe look at is tweaking some of the sentence structure - nothing major - but it feels to me like its been written on a roll (which is good of course) but that you haven't gone back through and tidied it up.
That's all - the story needs no changing at all.
Having read a few chick lit novels (best selling and those of us unpublished) I can't help but wonder why they get published and others haven't yet, or never do.
Is it a case of being in the right place at the right time? I don't know; but I suppose my point is yours and a couple of others on Authonomy are certainly good enough to publish.
Have you sent anything off to agents? I have sent my first 3 chapters to 2 and had 2 rejections! But not yet lost hope!
Keep writing - I'm off to watch the Sopranos now! DVD boxed set - series 5 - at times being married to a mobster can seem appealing!
Ellie

The prologue is well executed: the woman is lying on the kitchen floor, we then learn that she is hurt, before long the stirrings of the man who has hurt her rise in the other room. He is said to have hurt her before so it must not be a stranger who has hurt her, an intruder. It leaves us wanting to read more.

"...the scream would not stay inside her..." is a particularly fetching line. In the next line I might simply say the scream sounded like a wounded animal rather than stating thar she knew how she sounded. It gives the scream light, bringing something other than your human characters to life.

Hi Carole,
thank you for your comments and backing my book. I have read your first 4 chapters and will definintely read the rest. I was hooked from the pitch, prologue and subsequest chapters I read.
I love the speed of the story, the characters and the creative backgrounds most of them come from; and as you say when a story is set in the area you live; it adds all the more. Your story is in my neck of the woods too!
I have tried to remove the location from my mind to see if I would still feel the same; and yes I do, regardless of it's setting. The setting is just an extra pleasurable bonus for me.
I've backed your book and wish you luck.

Ellie Ford
Blythe's Spirit

Wishing you every success - BACKED!

stevew

Dear Carole, I did have the pleasure of reading up to chapter 4,of your emotional circle,that emphasized on the trials and tribulations of sibling understanding, and the secrets to unveil the more you read on , [I am the male version of Cleo. My Mother, would wait for me every night! Until I got in, even when I left home]. Although I am no critic, I am an avid reader! And I more! Than enjoyed the way you captured those moments of reality. This is an excellent read, worthy of anyone's backing. Take care and good luck for the future. Cicuta, [Carl, Arcane].

". . . who has more secrets than the Freemasons and Magic Circle combined." Sounds a little like myself. Ah, a lot of secrets. This starts with a crash, literally. "She knew the boot was coming and braced herself." The violence is terrible. I hope I never will become such a beast to abuse another person in the same way. My stomach was sickened while I read your prologue. The first chapter is a relief. I love Em's attitude to life and how Emma thought "it was fabulous to have a sex life at Em's age." Em replied, "I'm just alive." Nicely done. I'm enjoying this and will be back to read more I get some time. I wish you the best of luck with this.

Wow, the prologue alone hooks you in completely.

Clare
A Policeman's Lot

I read the beginning part and felt that it was very descriptive, full of emotion and it flowed really well apart from "Some still whole but mostly in pieces." I felt that part broke the flow of the paragraph. An intense read and one that I feel will go far.

All the Best
Kindest Regards
Alan Dartnall
~The Demon's Vengeance~

Secrets to Tell
Carole Austin

I like it, and these suggestions are meant to be helpful, not unkind. I like the characters and the dialogue and the action - all very cinematic.

Perhaps - here's the suggestion - if the text started at the beginning of Chapter 2 (uploaded here as "3"), and if you took out much of the exposition, explanation, introspection, and back-story (that is, the writing that in my opinion slows down the characters, dialogue, and action), then the whole madcap romp would run and run.

P G Wodehouse or Dostoyevski? Your choice. The family reminds me of one, the prologue and your Chapter 1 (uploaded as "2") remind me of the other. I feel that they don't play well together.

I think Duncan Watt's comments are well-observed, too.

Regards
Ann

Hi Carole ...

This is full of tension from the prologue which really hooks the reader. You have very strong positive characters that interact well together and dialogue is for the most part good. The story flows well and the plot grows more tense with each sentence. There are, however, some suggstions I have to make, mostly from chapter 1, but nothing serious.
'She smiled to herself'. 'to herself', is unnecessary.

'When Emma looked back, she knew she had had a wonderful childhood'. I would write this: 'On looking back, Emma realised her childhood had been wonderful'.

The use of 'had'. When 'had' appears in a sentence, I read first with the word then without. In most cases you will find the word is unnecessary. 'Had' before a word ending 'ed' is not needed as the word is 'past tense' anyway: 'had whiled', 'had placed', 'had booked', 'had ended', 'had arrived'. 'Had had' I find extremely clumsy.
'... her own parents meanness and strictness with her'. 'With her', is not needed.

Remove the cliche: 'dull as ditchwater', it is over used.

Lines of dotes are frowned upon, use an ellipsis (plural, ellipses) instead. In MS Word by holding 'Alt Gr' and keying the 'full stop' you get a perfect ellipsis. It should also be: 'word ... word' with a space before and after. At the end of dialogue: 'word ...' with a space before only. If used at the beginning of dialogue: '... word' with a space after only.

Finally, the use of an exclamation mark and question mark together (?!) is also frowned upon, one or the other but not both.
I now aplogise for my pickiness of what promises to be a wonderful story. 'Backed'. Regards ... Duncan.

Liked the prologue, how can that not pull you in. It sets the scene well and want you turning over the page.

The characters are well written, though there are a lot of indiviuals and I have not read far enough to see them come together, but I will read on.

Chapter one moved well, good pace but I have to admit that I personally felt you used the names too often. Within a few lines you wrote, 'Emma still remembered, Emma still loved, Emma sighed heavily, poor Em.' I know when I first started writing people told me I used pronouns way too much but maybe you could use a couple here and there.

I do want to read more and I think the pace is good and the language great.

Good luck,

Red

A succinct and to the point pitch, Carole. I will gladly back your book, and wish it every success. Us forty-somethings need all the help we can get!

Good story and very well told. But I think it might work better without the prologue.

The short pitch was well written, but perhaps you over-used the word "secrets?" Your book was very life-like & realistic - I suspect you are an observant person & this was apparent. Your writing is sharp & quite minimalistic which works well with a dramatic book like yours. This is different & would work well too on the big screen & would have the audience sat on the edge of their seats biting their nails! Well done & wishing you every success - Paula Barrett (Cuthbert: How mean is my valley?)

Good opening, sharp and too the point. The following chapters flow nicely and the characters and dialogue work well . Good Luck K.J.

Hi Carole,

secrets, secrets, secrets! Can't wait to find out more.

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Carole,
Secrets to Tell is an enthralling novel filled with suspense. Your exquisite descriptive passages are a pleasure to read. Backed with enthusiasm.

Certainly a very scary start so that'll get folks in! Quite a shocker really. The following chapters are less dramatic but by then one's into it all and curious to know what will happen, why the strange dreams and so on. There seem a lot of characters so far but you work them together well. Convincing dialogue and characters. I think this is going to do well. Lorri

Great way to start a chick-litty book. Made me feel decidely uncomfortable. Chapter one, funnily, feels less chick-lit and more aga-saga. I don't read a lot of either so can't comment on whether this works in terms of pacing - fairly shocking prologue followed by the gentle first chapter seemed an abrupt gear change. I liked the writing and the characters and intend to read on.
Happily backed.
Good luck.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Have only read upto the end of chapter 1 but wanted to say I'm gripped. The prologue is very dramatic and I'm already sympathetic with Emma. Will definitely read more...

Good, strong start. Gripping voice. You use narration to tell and show…I like that.
The dialogue has the right sound and moves the story forward.
Second chapter is narration heavy…some internal dialogue could help increase the pace (just a thought). In chapter three you get back to the tell/show/talk blend…great job.
I had to stop here but will return.
I like the voice and I’m backing this work.
Good luck.
Dan
PS. Could you pls check mine? Comment/backing will be appreciated.

This is good strong writing which has created nicely drawn characters with a plot that draws you in. Congratulations. Madeleine

Oh wow, I enjoyed this very much. You start off with a dramatic opening and your strong writing continues from there. it's a nice balance of genres and characters. There isn't anything not to like in this! I would have picked it up to read in a store.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

You write with clarity and are good at setting the scene with dialogue and believable characters all well integrated into the story.
The writing was consistent and entertaining.

Jane

Chapter 1 - very powerful scene - short yet it has given us an insight into the kind of life she led.
I also like the way she is not named nor any details of who she is or what her situation is at this point which entices us to go deeper
I shall read onwards - I shall be honest and sincere yet brutal when needed to be

Hopefully, you will reciprocate and review my work 'Diamonds' in the same manner?

Best wishes
Brian Ritchie
'Diamonds'

Hi Carole - like most northerners you have a natural talent for story telling. oupled with your excellent writing style you are sure to hit the mark with what you have here. Emma is a great character which drew me in. Intersting about the medium bit in your message. Most of the scenarios in When Spirits Break Free are based on my own experiences - best wishes - andy

A fascinating plot with twist and turns all over the place. I liked the dream concept, it played out effectively. You have a good, crisp writing style which I enjoyed. Interesting characters fleshed out a well written story. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Intriguing and well crafted charcters and diolouge are polished. C W

oH wOW! This is stunning as is horrifying. Great writing, You manage to capture the anguish to a tee and the whole scene is remarkably visual. I applaud you.

A page turner.

Best
THE MIND SETTER

This is such a great read! Compelling storyline and talented writing make this easy to back. The only thing I 'd change is in your pitches: "...everyone has secrets." It is true that everyone has secrets. Not "...almost everyone. When you say "everyone" it sounds more powerful in my opinion. That's all my nit picking for now. I'd buy thi sbook so Im backing it wholeheartedly!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Dear Carole

I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also
The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

You are totally fantastic, Carole! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Carole,
I'm sorry I only had time to read your first two chapters.
I was impressed and liked Emma, as soon as she is introduced in a waking state in chapter two.
The problems with dream starts are a) they are very, very common and some say cliche and b) they fool the reader into a false premise, there's action and drama, but then the reader feels cheated -- it was only a dream. You do however explain the dream well and say that it is a recurring one although it hasn't happened for a year.
The powerful effect of the dream is still with her in the shower.
I liked Em and Charlie sounds a real character.
Em and Emma's dialogue is snappy and realistic.
I also liked the description of the house -- just the right length too, I felt.
Excellent writing, I wish you all the best with it,
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Intriguing and well written. Backed.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

SECRETS TO TELL
Dear Carole,
Your opening first pages are incredibly tense. I was taken in and relieve dthat it was all a dream. Phew! I normally hate dream scenes but this was particularly good.
Lots of narrative further on - IMO I felt it needed more dialogue. Overall interesting and well written.
Backed
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Dear Carole, I love that you are telling this in your pitch & prologue, because it really happens - to my daughter for 11 years without her telling anyone & finally her church helped her go into hiding hundreds of miles away with her 5 year old daughter - so tragic, but I'm happy that I've now been able to see her & my granddaughter sometimes. :) He had even poured a pot boiling water down her head & shoulder & arm & side. I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."