MASTER ACT: a memoir

Hello David:

I read through the first four chapters of Master Act and was struck by how gifted a writer you are. There are numerous passages which demonstrate wonderful diction and vivid descriptiveness. Your tribute to your family is precious.

The narrative takes a tragic turn in Chapter 4 and I am so sorry about the abuse, both sexual and emotional, which was imposed upon your innocent childhood. In the world in which we live, there is a trap of some form waiting to be sprung in our all of our lives which cruelly seeks to bring unwarranted, undeserved and uninvited destruction.

Blessings to you for your transparency and thank you for sharing your story. May it bring healing to many other broken lives.

James

This is a work of brave self-reflection, beautifully written, heartbreaking, yet funny. I generally don't read memoirs, but this one has stuck with me. The courage it must have taken to write, alone, commands the highest praise. The language and flow is perfection. It deserves every success.

This really is a gem, David. Beautifully written. Sad, funny, uplifting but, above all, real. Not the type of book I'd normally read for all sorts of reasons but the quality of the writing and the integrity of the narration is plain to see. This really is a wonderful piece of work which deserves every success. Thanks and best of luck. A

David - you speak for me, and for so many. Your wonderfully calibrated, restrained, poignant memoir describes so exactly how it is that a small child can fall into the trap of becoming habitually, unwillingly abused, The dual existence, the externally happy and normal childhood running parallel to that repeated dark nightmare is brilliantly described here. And the impossibility of explaining to parents or other family - how can a small child find the words to put right a terrible wrong in which his own guilt makes him a party? I read this at a gallop. It must be published, it should be, for it is fine writing, finely detailed, with that overpowering sense of a world about to tip out of balance, which you capture from the very first page. If you have time, please read my story CALLIE CHOOSES in the READ WITH MOTHER collection - another attempt to make an unpleasant reality into a shaped and crafted fiction. This gets 6 stars from me, for the sheer emotional power and passion of it, let alone the quality of the writing. Frances.

With the major revision of the first chapters, this book now sits snug on my bookshelf. The hinted tension, the looming sense of dread and secrets yet to be disclosed combine beautifully with the familiar comfort of memoir - the dusty old atmosphere of childhood minutiae and memories turned sepia like old photos.
The cosiness of one - the challenge of the other - this keeps the reader glued - unsure whether to relax into safe memoir or guess at the hinted tragedy.to come. And once the bitter truth is revealed, so the writing cmbines the confusion of childhood with the knowingness of what is happening.
These contrasts are wonderfully handled. This is a book which should be read for many reaons.

Very touching writing. I'm impressed by writers who can take that giant leap of faith and put their own wounds down on paper for all to see. Very brave!
Best of luck with this!
Tod Schneider
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

I read through the chapters with such a sense of sadness, yet so impressed with your writing style. You certainly have a gift for words.
Well done,
Caroline
'Walking On Eggshells'

Your writing style was incredible. You know how.to paint a picture for your reader. I really enjoyed the quote BF your aunt. Very easily drawn into the story at the beginning. Well done. I'm sorry that you suffered abuse. The world.is riddled with it. It downright sucks. But bless you for being strong enough to put yourself out there.

Your writing was fabulous. I could.picture the scene easily which was great and you drew the reader in instantly with the quote at the.beginning by your aunt. The first chap didn't touch on abuse, but you said you went through similar to my story. I'm sorry. If I had the strength to go back to the past, long enough to write my own biography, well... It might be an interesting read. Anyways, well done. I like your style of writing.

Your writing was fabulous. I could.picture the scene easily which was grate and you drew the reader in instantly with the quote at the.beginning by your aunt. The first chap didn't touch on abuse, but you said you went through similar to my story. I'm sorry. If I had the strength to go back to the past, long enough to write my own biography, well... It might be an interesting read. Anyways, well done. I like your style of writing.

This is a lovely coming of age story with rich descriptions and lively characters. My only question is, the location-surely you can't grow citrus in England? Is it warm enough for lemon and orange trees? I live in a similar climate and we can't grow them here. Rated and ranked.

David,

I think we need more memoirs like this. I look forward to reading more, to find out how you dealt with the abuse later on, what conclusions you'll draw for the reader.

Also, I can see you're Australian--it seems like the formatting is different than Chicago Press, for example. My suggestion would be to make sure the format is in one proper style. For example, the number of spaces after periods, how to write out dates (18th May etc. -- that's not common here in the U.S., but of course I'm not a proper editor).

I want to see this to the top of the list, giving 5 stars!

David,

I think we need more memoirs like this. I look forward to reading more, to find out how you dealt with the abuse later on, what conclusions you'll draw for the reader.

Also, I can see you're Australian--it seems like the formatting is different than Chicago Press, for example. My suggestion would be to make sure the format is in one proper style. For example, the number of spaces after periods, how to write out dates (18th May etc. -- that's not common here in the U.S., but of course I'm not a proper editor).

I want to see this to the top of the list, giving 5 stars!

Hello David:

I read through the first four chapters of Master Act and was struck by how gifted a writer you are. There are numerous passages which demonstrate wonderful diction and vivid descriptiveness. Your tribute to your family is precious.

The narrative takes a tragic turn in Chapter 4 and I am so sorry about the abuse, both sexual and emotional, which was imposed upon your innocent childhood. In the world in which we live, there is a trap of some form waiting to be sprung in our all of our lives which cruelly seeks to bring unwarranted, undeserved and uninvited destruction.

Blessings to you for your transparency and thank you for sharing your story. May it bring healing to many other broken lives.

James

Dear David,
It's such a privilege to have you comment on my book, as i have great respect for you and your own story. From the first time i read "Master Act" I've considered you a kindred soul. Now, as i read your comment on The Path to Survival, you touched my heart once again. I will continue to support you as long as it takes.
God bless you, David. Six stars.
Maria.

CHAPTER NINE

That's so awful that Neal and his mother made you feel bad and unwelcome. You loved Peter and would have protected him if need be, and to be treated as though you had bad intentions when you had nothing but good ones is really awful!

Very creepy about the guy in the rest room by the creek. And so sad that you didn't know you could tell your mother. It wasn't your fault, not with the creep in the bathroom, nor with Vernon.

CHAPTER TEN

Children can be so cruel, I know this first hand. We share a lot of unpleasant (as well as pleasant) childhood memories. I've said it already, and I know many others have said it, but I have to say again, David, I'm so very sorry you went through this! Vernon really hurt you horribly! And with such lasting effects. Not like a physical injury you eventually recover from, but like he burned a hole in your soul. It took a lot of courage to write this memoir, but hopefully there will be some cathartic rewards, as well as the reward of doing a good job with this, plus the fact that when one person "tells" it makes it easier for others who were abused to understand that it wasn't their fault and that they can get beyond the pain and confusion, too.

It's so good you had a teacher advocate (Graeme), that means so much!

--- A typo, and your editing has been pristine! Anne Frank spelled "Anne" with an "e"

CHAPTER ELEVEN

This chapter is great. It's amazing that children can still be children, holding the difficult parts of their lives off to one side as best as possible, while pursuing the business of being kids. I love this part of the story, building the club house, creating the club, working with friends on a variety of common interests. This part is lovely! I'm glad you had these good friends, David!

Ouija boards! We scared ourselves silly with those, too!

Will be back soon for the last two posted chapters, David.

This is very well-written, and I wish you all the best, as you know!

Cheers,
Judy

CHAPTER TWO

Although I am really reading this novel to learn more about David -- both as a writer, and about a portion of his life which he has chosen most graciously to share with us -- I am taken with the powerful descriptions of natural places. This description, early in the second chapter, of Broken Creek, is so vivid it placed my minds' eye right back at a creek I played in and around religiously from the time I could walk until life got in the way in high school. This is really exceptionally well-written.

Now I'm a little baffled, or taken unawares. The idea of a toddler falling into nearly boiling water (swaddled in ice for days, losing several layers of skin and having scars that lasted for years) this scene, of David falling into this amazingly hot water is horrific, but it seems to be written with the same tone of joviality as the preceding descriptions of far more pleasant scenarios. A bit of a shock, and a bit confusing. A shock because the lead-in was so light and seemingly carefree. Confusing because I don't get any sense of David become more somber as he relates this incident. This is a horrifying thing to happen to a child. I don't find any horror expressed in this description and I am left feeling baffled. Personally I'm outraged on behalf of David, even if he isn't (or doesn't appear to be).

...Okay, the culmination of this chapter does move toward the idea that David actually does find these terrible accidents to actually be terrible. I guess they don't warrant much separate attention because of the horrific events soon to be revealed.

CHAPTER THREE

I have a punctuation question (and this is well-edited, I haven't found any typos!) I am wondering why you put quote marks around the word uncle, --- 'uncle' --- when referring to Vernon. He may have been despicable, but if he was your father's brother, then he was your uncle. So I'm confused about the quote marks. I understand that you and your sisters didn't wish to acknowledge the connection with Vernon, but that is not discussed until after a couple of paragraphs after the quotes.

Wow! Powerful and excruciating close to the third chapter.

I can't help but wonder if your sisters hated Vernon because he molested them, too. I remember wondering this before... Adults should listen to children. But generally, they don't. It's more important to keep up appearances and if a kid doesn't seem to like a particular adult, other adults just feel embarrassed by the child's apparent inability to behave properly. They encourage children to ignore their perceptions and assume good will, regardless of the danger.

A very sad chapter.

CHAPTER FOUR

With regard to your questions at the beginning of this chapter -- yes, you managed very well to express the horror of the situation. It was not unexpected, given the lead-up, but it was excruciating nonetheless. And that simple little verse at the end of the third chapter made the whole scene as bleak and lonely as a grey winters day.

...Yes, the performance of your life. That's definitely what it is to live with something like this, and to hide it. I'm so very sorry, David, that you were the victim of such cruelty. Adults ruin children's lives and nothing changes.

It is so hard to understand why children put up with such abuse. But they do. And each time, it eats away a little bit more of their soul.

For some bizarre reason, parents almost never question the changes that take place in the behavior and outlook of children who are being abused. They figure the kid is "going through a phase" and eventually, it's just the way that kid is.

...Yeah, I wet the bed religiously, too. No one gave it enough thought. I wasn't a bed wetter. And then I was.

CHAPTER FIVE

Very cool that you won a writing contest while in school!! Bodes well for writing now, eh!?!!

CHAPTER SIX

As I loved your descriptions of Broken Creek earlier in the book, these descriptions of learning to swim in the creek are so well-written, they transport me back to Sligo Creek, where I was doing the same things you were doing, during roughly the same years, on the other side of the world.....

Oh my God! Your arm!

So by the time you were ten, you'd broken your collarbone, scalded your entire body, broken your arm and developed gangrene, and you were trying to cope with being molested and all the ugly feelings that accompany that.

You know, David, it's amazing kids survive.

I don't understand how Vernon's abuse caused your ribs to stick out or your back to be curved. I'm sorry, I read the parts that mentioned this several times, but I just can't understand what this is. Apart from horrible, I mean. It's horrible. But beyond understanding that it was horrible, I don't understand how your back and ribs were affected. I'm not asking for any explanation, just saying that if I can't follow this, perhaps some other readers can't, either.

I totally get the business of lying about it, though! I made up similar stories, including, after my mother started dragging me to see a child therapist in third grade, telling my friends I was late for school on Mondays because I'd touched some sort of poisonous bark and I had to take baths at the doctor's office in green medicine!

CHAPTER SEVEN

A walking paradox - brilliant description, David.

Your take on Mass cracks me up, David. I'm glad that this writing has some moments of joy and laughter mixed in with the fear and misery!

(...If the church had offered the opportunity to people to tell of being sinned against, what would have happened to the priesthood!? Hundreds and hundreds of priests have molested thousands of children. God, can you imagine having to confess your sins to your abuser?! Hopefully your story, my story, and others' stories will help stop some of the sexual child abuse that goes on in the world.)

GOOD QUESTION -- How was sustained physical and emotional abuse supposed to help a child? (That's one of the big problems with Judeo-Christian thinking - the physical body is in and of itself a sin, somehow. Being a physical being is nothing more than a sin waiting to happen, apparently!)

(Yes, Christian religions don't generally seem to have as much interest in the fact that Jesus was a loving, modest, peaceful and pacifistic man... Emulating his behavior and adopting his beliefs seems to play second fiddle to the more important matters of worshiping a man who didn't want to be worshiped, but followed, and the whole insane business of defining the body as a sinful aspect of self that should be ignored or punished.)

CHAPTER EIGHT

Had to smile when I read that you have your mothers tea service -- and you never use it!

I've had a thought banging around in the back of my head as I've been reading, but didn't want to say anything. But now I'm reading about your dad and the gambling has come up, along with being too inebriated to attend Mass. In all of this writing, I don't read about any real disappointments. Some are mentioned, but they are mentioned in as matter-of-fact a tone as one uses to discuss the weather on an average day.

Where is the outrage at your father for not realizing what Vernon had done to you? Where is the anger at your mother for sending you to the Catholic school where, although good things did happen, you were also beaten for minor transgressions? Where were your parents when you were afraid? And I find myself wondering just how much drinking really took place in your home. It sort of sounds like quite a bit. I don't know what the expectations were for adults at that time, in that part of the world, but we are close in age and I know that having a parent who was noticeably drunk was not considered a good thing. It was a source of shame, embarrassment and it was extremely irritating to kids, who couldn't stand to see their parents acting stupidly, slurring their speech and wobbling when they walked. Nor could kids understand the inane arguments drunk people got into. And drunk parents often suddenly turned irritable toward children.

None of these possibilities seem to be expressed in this writing. Perhaps your father was delightful when he had too much to drink, but it would be unusual. I have had friends whose parents drank too much and those kids did not do well with it.

So, I'm wondering about the way things are being described here. Like its all okay. It can't have been okay, can it?

"Narrowly averting major catastrophes appeared to be a calling."

I have to stop reading now, will be back later. David, this is a painful story. One of the most painful things I find about it is the style you're writing in, in which nearly everything seems to be presented with a noticeable lack of concern. Like it all just happened and now its being reported. This style makes your story even more poignant. I really feel for you, David. I really do. I am so very sorry Vernon stepped into your life.

Back soon and sending you warmest regards,
Judy

David,

I have read up to chapter three and finished with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart. No one should have to go through such a thing, never, ever. I honestly do not know what to say.

For the writing however, I followed through the first bit of your story with growing curiosity, in my mind a movie played out, showing me a time I have never known and about a part of the world I have not yet been to.

I will most certainly be back to see what happened next and applaud you for taking the time to share your life experience with the world. You re a stronger person that I could ever be, I mean that. xox

Sincerely,

Ashley - The Vedeine Saga: Deception

well well well. this packed with a balance of emotion. I salute you for telling your story and not taking it to your grave. Your courage will no doubt encourage others in similar or worse situation

David:
Your story is told with such humanity. How did you find the courage? You have woven everyday events with detail that is vivid, yet leaves sufficient space for the reader to visualize, to imagine, to invent, to interject. And although there are some who say we have an overabundance of molestation stories floating around, yours is beautifually told and points to the fact that we must remain vigilant for the sake of the youngest, the most helpless. What I like most is how you allow the reader to see inside Little David's mind: the little boy in turmoil, sensing a thing is not right, but not certain of what is it that is not right about it; burdened with the weight of keeping his parents free from his agony, as he grapples with just being a child - an innocent child with no words to express his horror.

I hope you make it to the editor's desk. Ashara (Kitkat7 - Like Corns on My Toes).

Hi, This is different for a change to the other biography or childhood suffering i read. it had pretty normal and full of activity planned environment of childhiood. Parental contribution were too. Relatives involment and activities. With all mormal setting, the bothering abuse to a child. You have talents too.

Very well written and it is inviting to read. Good book.

Hi David
Your words drew me into the story and I I read quite a long way into the chapters. The words flow easily with lots of memories, but I seemed uncertain of where you are taking me. Perhaps I need more chapters. Chapter 13 ends on a tough note and I'm not sure where it somes from or where it is going. I hope you continue as there is something about your story that raises hope.
All the best
Bridget
The Road from Makhonjwa.

Just read to the end of Chapter three--moving and brutally honest! I will continue to read and see what kind of resolution is made--

Sheila Temple author of
Chinese Take Out

Just read to the end of Chapter three--moving and brutally honest! I will continue to read and see what kind of resolution is made--

Sheila Temple author of
Chinese Take Out

Dear David

Yours is one of the most masterful, restrained and articulate representations of childhood suffering that I have read. Your experiences, endured when you were not even able to speak, are hauntingly set down, with great feeling and sensitivity.

Everyone should read this, if only as a warning to be vigilant for the youngster in our midst who cannot find the words to defend themselves against abuse and manipulation.

Fran XX :-))

David, I have read through chapter five now of Master Act and thought I'd go ahead and leave my promised comment. This is a well written, honest, compelling look at childhood abuse which is all too relevant. Your descriptions are beautiful, the normalcy and perfection of your family life spelled out so well and contrasting vividly with the nightmare of hidden abuse. You led a double life from such an early age.

My only critique here is that the nonlinear flow of the first two chapters was at times hard to follow, and honestly I almost missed your hints at something dark looming over the horizon. The meandering narrative of those first two chapters did not hook me into your story and I almost put it down before moving on to chapter 3. I am glad I stuck with it. I'm not sure if this has been an issue for others readers, but it was for me and I had to mention it. I understand the need to set up the picture of the ideal life before it comes crashing down at the end of chapter three, but the flow of those chapters didn't work for me.

I will say again this is beautifully written, and a story that needs to be told. There are too many people in this world who have had similar experiences.

Kate

David, I enjoyed the first two chapters of this book. Delightful descriptions of such a totally charming and golden childhood. I was horrified at the end of chapter three. It must take such courage to write so candidly in a memoir. Highly starred. It's a story that should be told.
Good luck to you in your writing,
Janet

I intended to read only chapter one, as we'd agreed to swap, but the hint of a lie dating from age six was too puzzling, especially when juxtaposed to such determined rosiness and nostalgia in the narrative. So I contnued. The little world was too perfect, but there it was again: a shock is described. The story that eventualy emerges is starkly and painfully honest. This is an unflinching memoir, and I am full of admiration. High stars and best of luck.

Elizabeth
The Made-Up Man

David, I have just read two chapters and want to read more. Although I am drawn in by the nostalgia of times past, I can sense a lurking evil...great narrative. Jeannette Maree-Café After Closing.

Hi David, I reas Master Act and I agree it is well written and its absorbing and beautiful. Smoothly told like no effort was put (ofcourse alot of effort was in to it) You make me wish I could have such smooth command!lol
I highly rated you already and am findind a place for you soon on my shelve when I can.
Well done and good luck from the bottom of my heart.
Josphine

Your writing is very smooth, thoughtful and generous in allowing the reader into your world. Very nicely done!

Hello David,
Chaps 1-4.
This is very assured, perfectly-pitched writing that leaves a chiselled inprint behind. You are writer in total control of a flowing narrative-settings, pace, tension-building-which delivers a finely-tuned impact.
You recognise and admit the subjectivity of memory as well as gaps and missing details. This all adds to the authenticity which, coupled with a lack of sentimentality, will win most readers over.
Trying to find a relative weakness is hard, and entirely subjective on my behalf, but the introduction and portrayal of the abuser is for my money the weakest part in an otherwise water-tight narrative. Firstly he is 'obvious', his lack of redeeing features is emphasised. This means that the main question/power in the narrative (what is going to happen to the MC and by whom?) reaches a hasty denouement.
That is my take on it David and as I said its entirely subjective.
Thank you for an excellent read.
John
Dropping Babies

Your book has really moved me. It is so well-written and poignant. I like the way you hint at future troubles in the opening chapter, sowing the seed of mystery and keeping the reader intrigued.
As a foster carer I find your self-reflection both heartbreaking and brave. Your story will resonate with many and I hope you do well. Best of luck - 5 stars. I'll be backing you in a few days.
Best,
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

dear david, I can say one thing! Star rated! Watchlisted and I would like to have it on my shelve as soon as I can.Well done!
Josphine

Hi David, just started reading your book this morning, only intended reading 2 chapters before work lol but ended up reading 5 as I was hooked from Chapter 2.

My only complaint was that I found chapter 1 didn't flow too well as the rest of the chapters, it just felt a bit clunky and hard to get into, though that could just be me with lack of sleep :) but as long as the reader progresses onwards to chapter 2, then I don't think there will be any problem for anyone to become engrossed and fly through this piece of work. Gripping, intense, heart breaking and humorous. You have my backing and congrats on some great writing, well done mate.

What a terrible story you have to tell - and yet how well you do it. I It must have been so hard to write and yet maybe your experience will help others. The expert way in which you enticed the reader deeper and deeper into your story in the early chapters with various hooks was brilliant. I intended to read a little and ended up reading it all! I cannot help but wonder how the story ends - hoping you have found some kind of peace and that the perpetrator of these awful acts has been brought to account. I am so saddened by this story - the innocence of childhood wrecked.

Your writing is excellent David - you deserve to do well.

Margaret Weston
How do I know I know God?

David,
Thank you for the gift of honesty as such is the essence of "Master Act." I found your narrative flow easy to follow and the prose well-organized and engaging. The dialogue was to the point without pretension, therefore true. The use of the first person certainly got me into your protagonist's head, making me appreciate the inner demons he had to contend with. An intriguing read indeed.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

This is a work of brave self-reflection, beautifully written, heartbreaking, yet funny. I generally don't read memoirs, but this one has stuck with me. The courage it must have taken to write, alone, commands the highest praise. The language and flow is perfection. It deserves every success.

I think your pitch captures the nostalgia yet dark under-tones of your story. The style is just right. I am not sure the first sentence fits in as well, or is needed as is, i.e. as a fragment of a sentence. I’d personally also leave out the crits, and onstead use that precious space to tell me about the time scale of the family saga, where we are, and in what decade(s). I’d love to know right away which time period we are going back to, and what part of the world. Will I follow this boy right to present day, or will I just hear about his childrhood and maybe some teenage years, for example? I'd like to get that picture right up front.

I like your smooth, intelligent writing style very much. There is fine thoughtfulness here. I think Dad’s polishing everyone’s shoes and warming them by the fire is a particularly touching detail, and I expect this story will be filled with such touches.

This also has a tone of local history and social history, threaded throughout the family anecdotes, and this gives added depth and interest. There is a lot of sweetness here.

I think there is strong group of people out there who will enjoy this story.

Best wishes from
Eileen Kardos
The Noodle Trail

Hi David
I read the first three chapters. This is very moving and I will be reading more.
You have a lovely, natural style and you help to set the scenes so vividily. Reading this was easy (in a good way) although once I got to the end of chapter three, I found it more difficult to read for obvious reasons.
This is great writing. I wish you every success
Eve (The Blog of Maisy Malone)

Have look at Ache in my heart 4 chps different topics and distress beneficial for all. MASTER ACT: a memoir on my wl

Have look at Ache in my heart 4 chps different topics and distress beneficial for all. MASTER ACT: a memoir on my wl

Hi David,
I just finished the first two chapters of your book. I think it is beautifully written, your words and descriptions are touching and poetic. I had a realy good sence of the time and the place as well as the family bond.
The only criticism I have is that I am not sure I like the added information in parentheses. There were places I didn't think the additional information was necessary, but at the same time, reading this it is almost like you are telling me the story directly and those are place where you might pause and whisper those additional words for me alone to hear. So I am torn.
I will read on!
Thanks!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

Hi David,

Well, for the third time, I'm back to read, and hopefully this time finish, Master Act. If you have a glance at my bio page you'll see we've had some set-backs at home. Hopefully you can forgive me this delay! I am very interested in reading this gem and each time I've started over, rather than where I left off, so I can have a total feeling about the work.

Chapter One – Little Prince

I had read the first several chapters a few months ago, so already know about the “lie” that is being spoken of in the opening paragraphs. I don’t remember what I thought about it the first time ‘round. Now, it just hurts, knowing that David had such intense feelings of responsibility to be “normal” in the face of tremendous child abuse, and in the face of a generally loving and adoring family, who held such high expectations of David, and who had no idea of the abuse or consequent pain and turmoil.

I do remember wondering, the first time ‘round, and am still wondering, how David’s sister’s felt about the birth of a boy – finally, a boy. Because although there is not a thing wrong with having daughters and sons, there is a burden placed on all of the children who aren’t the sex that is looked for, hoped for. Although there seems to be a definite preference for boys over girls, worldwide, it really doesn’t matter within any given family which sex is hoped for. If there is one parent, or if both parents are hoping to NOT have another child that is the same sex as the ones already present, there is a message that is being sent to those who arrived first. On some level, they almost can’t help but feel that they are lacking. So even though I am reading this story with my attention and concern focused on David, I can’t help but wonder what his four sisters felt like, with family and friends all cheering for, hoping for, praying for a boy. On some level, the message seems to have to have been that being a girl wasn’t quite good enough. If this dynamic was a part of David’s family thinking, than his sisters, or at least one or two of them, might have felt some sort of underlying resentment toward David, as he was held up as finally being the baby who arrived sporting the “right” equipment.

David’s father sounds wonderful, and the home he grew up in, idyllic. Who wouldn’t love to have a father who offered so much cheer and love every morning! Breakfast and hearth-warmed shoes! And Mom, too, sounds almost too good to be true. This sounds like is an amazingly warm household to start life off in!

The flow is somewhat stilted here, some aspects of introduced topics seem like they could be introduced more smoothly. For instance, jumping from all the delectable meals cooked by David’s mother to abruptly mentioning that his father served his mother breakfast in bed seems to hinder the flow. Breakfast was mentioned several paragraphs ago and this new paragraph doesn’t follow smoothly, to me. Although it doesn’t make me want to stop reading. I’m still very interested in learning more about David. And the family visits to father’s grocery store, and to their cousin’s farm sound like the stuff of childhood dreams.

…Really, this first chapter offers a lovely stroll down memory lane to childhood wonders and times when the world really did seem huge and magical. “Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy. A kid’l eat ivy too, wouldn’t you?!” Singing together, playing with friends and hanging out at the grocery store, going to the movies, playing on the farm. A wonderful entrance to life!

I almost forgot that there are going to be bombs dropping before too long....

An excellent beginning to an intriguing story. On to Chapter two...

Possibly the next "A Boy Called It."

This was interesting. I'm more of a romance reader but this was very well written.

I really enjoyed reading what you've written. Your descriptions and narrative really do paint an image of an idyllic childhood (something which I assume didn't continue). My only observation I guess would be that the first chapter does rather seem to drift by rather than grab out at the reader and demand to be be read. I only say this as its a comment I have had myself and subsequently had to address (still not sure if I have!).

Good luck and be assured that this is going straight up on my bookshelf. When I get time I intend to read the rest. It reminds me of John Grisham's 'A Painted House' (stylistically) which I really enjoyed. Fingers crossed that you have similar success with your work.

Hi David
I was very moved by the chapters that I read today of your book. I did not have time to comment straight away, so for the last few hours I must say my mind went back and forth, thinking about your story - as one does after they have seen a film that has effected them in some way.

Firstly, I should say that memoirs aren't really my area, so I'm sorry for this. But I hope that I might be able to give you some helpful feedback regardless. I must say, that it did take me a little while to get into it, and I wasn't quite sure at first where it was going, but then you did well building the tension when the readers meet Vernon. I think that perhaps your novel could even start off closer to this point. I understand that it's important for you to create the picture of your family living the idyllic life, as opposed to what is about to happen, but I think that this could be done more concisely. I know how devastating it is to cut out pieces of writing. I recently cut about 20,000 words of my novel - but I think that it's much better because of it. I once got feedback from a ms assessment that if a character isn't there to do something, then why are they there? Perhaps work out who are the most important people that move the story along. There are nice little anecdotes that you do tell, but I felt that they must be there for a purpose - to reveal something about your nature, or other key family members.

That said, once we get into your story, it is very compelling. As a mother of two young children, I almost had to read it with my eyes closed. I can't even watch the news these days. So for me, I found it very confronting. Your writing also picks up it's pace, and your descriptions are very vivid.

I wish you the best of luck with it.

Cheers

This is a pretty harrowing story. You are very brave to tell it, and I find the uncle horrifying. Without him things sound idyllic. This book is excellent. The only tip I have is to be sparing with the adverbs.

This is a pretty harrowing story. You are very brave to tell it, and I find the uncle horrifying. Without him things sound idyllic. This book is excellent. The only tip I have is to be sparing with the adverbs.

Hi David, I really love this and you evoke the atmosphere of the decade incredibly well. I love your descriptions and characters, who all feel real and alive. I know that when I have read more, I will be feeling sad for you, but right now I am feeling sad for your sisters to know that they were not enough and a boy would bring the family the ultimate happiness!!!!
My main comment is that I think you could do a bit more with 'show not tell'. Nearly all of what I have read so far is narration - you recounting events and circumstances from a distance. I think you could draw the reader in even more and make your writing even more powerful than it already is if you changed some of these passages to scenes that we are actually experiencing, rather than events we are looking back on.
That would require some structural change in your novel, but I think it might be stronger for it.
But really - an excellent book and I hope you do really well with it.
Check out The Dog Walker's Guide to Obedience Training if you get a chance. Clue - it's not really about dogs.

David - just read 13. It only makes me want to read on and find out how you managed to extricate yourself from this abusive and powerless situation. Fine writing, still on my shelf, and deservedly so. Frances.

Master Act. I have again dipped into ch.1. That opening paragraph is first class - I dont remember it previously.
And now to take up where I left off too many months ago.

Ch.7. Losing your voice - for a moment there, I thought it was the beginnings of your voice breaking!
Your reaction to the confessional is an interesting - and very human - one. Makes you think, doesnt it!
And I thought only little girls were manipulative!

Ch.8. Here's a nit: you dont need 'immediately' when the visitors come and the narrator switches the kettle on.
I'm settling again into your comforatble story with its candid view of ordinary family life. But no one's family life is ordinary, is it.

Somehow, I've found myself at the end of the chapters you've posted, and now I'm behind on my day's schedule!
Again - I say you're an amazing person, and your book is one which should be aired. Istn the world a complicated, tragic place.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Did I grow up with you? It sure felt like I did after reading the first chapter. Great stuff, evocative of the era and laced with poignancy. This is intelligent writing that I will not hesitate in promoting to our fellow Authonomy contributors. On my watch list and will make my bookshelf next vacancy.

Well done!

Cyrus

Hello David,

I've read your new Chapters 1 and 2. While I found the original to be enjoyable, I think this new edit is more pacey, with crisper descriptions of your early childhood and background. The grammar and punctuation seem immaculate (to my untrained eye). I look forward to reading on, as Vernon is yet to rear his ugly head.
6 stars and backed
Karen 19
The Way Things Are