KillAllThe Eagles

Hi there! I also write Roman historical fiction, and thought I'd peruse your work and hopefully you'll return the favor. I apologize that I didn't have time to read the entire second chapter here; I started in on it and it was quite long and covered a lot of territory and now it's just about time for bed. Maybe it would work as a couple chapters or more? I enjoyed what I read, and I've added this to my watch list and given it 5 stars. It's well-written and the characters are developing nicely, and it's a very interesting period in Britain's history. Here's some comments I pulled out in hopes that they'll help you in the editing/rewriting process. Sorry if they're too detailed, I tend to be a perfectionist in writing and historical detail. :) But hey, I'd love for someone to read my book in that detail; it's what makes for a better book. Here we go.


."May Fortuna (no comma) smile on the eagles..."


"...cursing from the crew and the animals(') owners..."


"...piles on the stone(-)flagged jetty." Two words combined to make a single adjective should be hyphenated.

"He was ready for a proper night(')s sleep

"rooms occupied usually by official(s) and officers..."

"...eyed them curiously as he rattled his pans(.) (and why did he eye them curiously if this was a place officers and officials usually stayed?

"I'm glad to be of(f) that poxy ship..."

"I had forgotten the ocean was that big..." this sentence isn't quite clear who's speaking. You have an action tag of Brython laughing, but it seems like he says the next line, so is this still Herath? If so you may as well add it in with his previous quote.

"spend the night sleeping across his master(')s doorway..."

Earlier you refer to Brython as a decurion, a cavalry officer. Then when talking about Harath guarding him you call him a centurion.

"Then as (a) silent watchful figure..."

"Prinod was (sitting) on his bed nursing a pot of wine."

"...piled with leather(-)wrapped items of luggage."

"Beyond those were the large (warehouses), built just above the tidal muds..."

You mention the roads being gravel, leading out from London in all directions. You say a "gravel-surfaced web which spread across the empire." Usually the Roman roads were made in four layers, one of which was gravel and cement, but that was below the flagstone surface. Unless they had built these roads different at this time because Britannia was a new province, but even still, you speak of this gravel-surfaced web as stretching across the whole empire, and this is inaccurate.

"...had protected him from those who thought all provincial(s) should be treated as servants.

Hopefully you can understand and pick out the sentences and changes I've put in parenthesis. It's the easiest way I know of identifying typos, etc. The other historical notes are just things I thought of and you can take or leave. If you have a chance can you take a look a look at A War Within and let me know what you think? I'll try to return here and finish reading/commenting on the rest when I have a chance.

All best wishes for success,

Nathan Maki - A War Within

interesting depiction of Roman life

Lynne Ellison

The Green Bronze MIrror

To E. W. Bushell (Kill All The Eagles)
In general I admire very much the historical fiction novel, but to embark on such a work would scare me rigid. The amount of research one has to gather is enormous. Everything must be checked and double checked. I like Kill All The Eagles. It's extremely well written and I'm BACKING it and I have a place for it on my shelf.
Frank James (The Contractor)

Dear E.W. Bushell,

Excellent idea to include a synopsis of Kill All the Eagles. The reader, this reader, needs some help with an historical fiction account of ancient Rome, if for no other reason than to keep the names and places straight. You certainly exhibit a great deal of thought and research into your work and I wish you the best with it. I am a fan of the magnificent BBC production I, Claudius, and, of course, the epic Hollywood film Ben Hur. Yours is a man’s story -- whoops for being politically incorrect -- and my husband would love this and suggest that I sit down and watch it with him. It might take me a little while to become engaged, but eventually I would. I wish you the best with it and welcome to Authonomy, a great and wonderful but very time-consuming activity. It took me months before I could maneuver my way around, but I’m not hip with technology.

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

wow, what a history buff. After reading one chapter, I can tell you know your ROman history. Great plot, good writing. backed . if you can could you take a look at You Turn?thanks, Lynne

I marvel at the depth of your knowlrge of this era of history and the details you provide.
Fine, professional historical fiction.

best
THE MIND SETTER

ADJUST YOUR TITLE. YOU HAVE 2 WORDS JOINED.

Hi, This is such an exhilarating book. The character of Brython fires the imagination. The swathe of destruction iunder Boudicca, as the southern trtibes march toward Londinium is enthralling.

The Druids , with the character of Grinur add an air of mysticism sinsterism and mystery with The Way. You have really done your research, with the death of Iceni King, the flogging of Boudicca and the rape of her daughters.

There is depth and texture here that make for such an exciting read, with the holy relic and the contrasts and conflicts between Roman Christian and Druid.

Already backed with pleasure.

Best wishes,
Katyxx.
Phobic Dawn.

I always think historical fiction adds extra depth and your book seems to be a good example. This has a good foundation with an interesting tale and should do well.


Backed,

Lisa

I love reading chunks of history I know nothing about! This is excellent and well researched. Backed.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

This promises to be a strong story, well told. Your characters live and the dialogue is realistic. The historical period is much neglected in the genre so this promises to be a great success if the whole book lives up to this first part. There are some things you need to look at in the general presentation e.g. different speakers need a new line for their dialogue (see meeting between Brython & Grinur). I'm happy to back this because of it's originality and research.
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

Plenty here to be encouraged about. You need a tidy up but the storyline is a strong one.

You have a superlative atmospheric opening to this and with it you draw me straight onto the ship, straight into the action, directly into the tension of your character's returning to Britain as a Roman soldier. Everything is just super. I loved the spooked and disgruntled horses. That was excellent - and not something most people consider.

However, you must clean up your punctuation, get your dialogue worked properly into the text with indentations and speech marks, and polish this up a bit. And get rid of the synopsis at the front. You have an utterly seductive voice and vision here, use it. Open with that first chapter as you should and get the credit you deserve for writing so well and for weaving this spell of history like a master. Best - PB

Dear EW
I feel sure much research went into this book. Just love the way you write,
This is a totally original storyline and gives the promise of being almost a classic. I have not read it all, but you have not posted it all. Please put the balance up so that we , who are enjoying it can take this great story further BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
a must read.
I do hope you find time to visit my book and back it
Denise
The Letter

This is a good story, aptly told. You employ just the right “show” and “tell” in your narration. The dialogue flows and moves the story forward. For my money, I would use some internal dialogue instead of you telling the reader…would help even further define your MC. There are a few places where editing would help.
Overall a good job and I’m backing it.
Good luck.
Dan
PS. Could you pls look at mine?

Kill All the Eagles. The synopsis is quite interesting and promises a tale of great interest and complexity. The various characters each have their own motivations which will doubtless bring friends and allies into conflict with each other. The 1st chap proper begins well with the rough sea ride and the landing at Rutupiae. We are given a little background on what seem to be the 3 main characters, and we also get to experience the sights and sounds of the big Roman settlements of the time. Being a native Briton the Roman officers look down on Brython and he's greeted with barely concealed hostility. He recieves a better welcome once he reaches Iceni territory. The plotting in this book seems pretty neat from what I've read and it seems to tick all the boxes as far as histoical accuracy goes. Only a couple minor nits spotted: "it stretches away forever dos'nt (doesn't)it. And in the following line, "was'nt it." Beyond those barely worth mentioning quibbles this has the potential to be an excellent historical novel.

John O'Brien - Other Face

Dear E.W., I love that you have brought me into your story to feel what your hero was feeling way back in this time in history. :) Your pitch briefed me on what would happen & I was glad to see the happy ending. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

'...to be educated, returns...'
'...childhood friend, now a Druid priest, uses a...'
'While wounded and on leave, he witnesses...' Who? Sounds like it could be Brython or the Druid priest.
'He kills a Roman centurion. Branded a renegade, he helps defeat...'
'His companion since childhood is a Christian who holds a precious relic, (state what it is), brought from Judea by a centurion.' Who is the centurion and how does he relate to the Christian or Brython? Why do the Druids want to destroy it?
'...descends into flames and chaos, Brython...while the mighty forces of Rome and Britain surround him in the final battle.'

Good luck with your book. This is a very interesting time in history.

JMC
Among Women

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Brython. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your historical adventure a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is one fascinating historical novel. I'm intrigued by the story of Boudicca, the fall of the Romans in Britain, the influence of the Druids, and the arrival of the Anglo-Saxons. It's a great time period to use as the basis of your novel. I can sympathize with Prinod's hatred of traveling on the ocean. When I get a little time I want to read all that you have uploaded. At present, I'm just a little too busy. I just want to wish you good luck on this site. I'll be back when I can do so. Backed for now.

Evocative of the times with its numerous references to contemporary military and social nomenclature...I did find some of the paragraphs a bit overloaded with detail and suggest that they could be trimmed down somewhat. A fine read that should be well received on this site
Cheers
Stewart

:) comment to follow :)

This is an assured piece of writing by a man who knows his subject. It is ambitious to follow in the 'sandal-prints' of Cornwell and Scarrow but the slant of the British born Decurion works very well and gives you the right to stand alone. Fascinating tale, very well written and hard to put down. Besides, us ex-coal miners should stick together. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Congrats on posting Kill All The Eagles,
Backed on the strength of your synopsis and looking forward to returning with further comments once I have read this interesting title even further
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream