Book Jacket

 

rank 1196
word count 58744
date submitted 02.10.2010
date updated 28.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

I Had to Fall

S. Smith

Caught in the middle of biogenetic war between fae and man, the secrets in Deyl's fae blood threaten to destroy her life and world.

 

Deyl Parker isn’t usually into the hero thing, but when human geneticists get their dirty little fingers on a handful of Deyl’s hair she knows she needs to get it back. Her fae blood carries secrets about her race that will push Deyl to the top of the Hunter’s most wanted list and, in the wrong hands, could secure a human victory in mankind’s war against the fae.

Deyl sets off towards a remote bio-reasearch compound in pursuit of her genetic sample. With only a stolen van, a hand-drawn map, and two friends she isn’t sure she trusts Deyl will have to cross a thousand miles of war-torn supercities and Dead Zones only to face the two thousand Hunters—militant humans charged with the capture and destruction of the fae—who guard the facility.

Despite the speed and strength gifted to her race, Deyl is in over her head. She has days, at best, to retrieve her sample. If she screws this up she’ll spend the rest of her life pursued by Hunters, and after nearly two centuries of bloodshed her genetics might just give the Hunters the edge they need to defeat the fae once and for all.

 
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tags

action, adventure, biological warfare, canadian, daemon, death, demon, demons, elf, elves, faery, fairy, fantasy, genetics, magic, magician, paranorma...

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26 comments

 

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K A Smith wrote 560 days ago

Excellent first person story-telling, strong clear characterisation, an intriguing milieu and a strong plot combine to give I Had to Fall a well-earned place on my bookshelf. Thank you. I was disappointed to come to the end after only 19 chapters and would have gladly read the whole book at least twice.

I wondered if there would be ghost towns and ghost cities and areas left pretty much uninhabited/uninhabitable after the war?

I also wondered if there should be a mix of new technology and old tech like horse-drawn ploughs, if the war was devastating enough, some things might have gone backwards, while military stuff would get the investment and resources. No need to get heavily into it (or into it at all, of course) but it could be fun, confounding expectations ...

Chapter 9

A way to defuse the situation?

The warm air shifted passed (past)

Chapter 10

But apparently that much was a quite lot.

"As usual I had no idea what I was doing. Like I said, Hunters had me cornered.(")

You're facing a huge challenge in way you...

And his heart it is in the right place - I wasn't sure if the 'it' was a typo or not.

Chapter 16

That voice. I knew it so well, though I hadn't heard it (in) years

Chapter 19

A sight slipped from me (sigh?)

MelissaColin wrote 560 days ago

I would totally buy this if I read some of it in a bookstore! Gritty and exciting. Kick ass character.

JaysonRyu wrote 569 days ago

I absolutely love it. Period.

missyfleming_22 wrote 576 days ago

Thank you so much for sending me in this direction! This is fantastic! That first chapter is a little breathless, great pacing and great action. I love how you take us into the ENTIRE world of fantasy, all the popular beings are here! I didn't have time to read all 10 but I read half and I am defnitely coming back for more. Your first person is one of the better examples I've seen too, great internal dialogue. You're a master and I'm impressed. You'll have success with this, I'm sure of it.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Becca wrote 578 days ago

I love this! A world complete with all the supernatural beings1 (I utilize them all throughout my own trilogy). this has a great pace and I love the POV. I read the opening and thought--she knows what she's doing. For a minute I was surprised the POV character was describing herself, but as I read on I saw why you'd take that approach. I love the scene with Alicia, and your approach to summary is great--the voice strong. this is easy to get lost in, and has definite marketability. Makes me with my own story was a little more straightforward. One of the most enjoyable reads I've encountered on this site in a long time. I'll say this, you've nailed it all. Voice, character, pacing, great title, great cover, great premise--great writing, great hook--it's ALL great. This is a novel people can get excited about. I'm shelving for these first two chapters, but I plan to read more.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

ShadowOfOsiris wrote 107 days ago

Hi S

I've read the first chapter. I like it. I like premise and the writing and the magic. My notes:

My first thought is that the cover is good, but it gives the impression of a crime thriller or something, much more than fantasy.

I'm not sure why the double handspring was necessary.

How did she tear a handful of hair from her head?

If she was just a blur, would cars be trying to avoid her? Wouldn't she be gone before they had time to react?

And if she's moving so fast, how are the Hunters keeping up? Are they equally fast?

'One pierced eyebrow raised she picked up speed' - doesn't make sense. Is there a comme missing?

Would the rock sizzle if it was the water that was hot? Usually its the water that sizzles at it hits hot rock.

Is the swearing necessary? It's perhaps just me, but swearing puts me off in writing where it's not entirely necessary. 'Shit' seems fine in this, but 'fuck' just doesn't seem to fit. At least not as often as she uses it. Perhaps if it was just very occasionally, when the situation is particularly bad?

'I'd see(n) a lot of ugly deaths'

That's all I spotted in this chapter. It's well written, and if I didn't need to get on with my own work I'd definitely read more. I'll back it. Good luck with it :)

I'd appreciate it if you have a chance to have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

Steven J Pemberton wrote 402 days ago

Hello from the Alliance of Worldbuilders. I've only read two chapters, but will be back for more - a good premise and characters, with a strong voice.

Watch out for confusion between "its" and "it's". I don't think you need the infodump near the start of the first chapter, about who the Hunters are and why the narrator would want to avoid them. Save it for when things calm down. She's in the moment, wondering whether to run and if so, what her escape route should be. You've already established that she thinks she's being watched, which isn't a natural state of mind for a young woman wandering around a supermarket. She's wondering if she's screwed up her "pretend-to-be-human" act, so the reader knows something weird is going on. Then when she realises who or what these people are, you just need to have her think, "Oh crap, they're Hunters." Because you've set the scene so well, the reader will come along for the ride when she runs, without needing to be told why she runs or what will happen if they catch her.

Steven J Pemberton / A Wizard's Daughter

gilbertmartin wrote 408 days ago

Hooked me from first chapter... :) BACKED

writingbear wrote 467 days ago

S. Smith,

I read your first few pages and I liked it, so I backed it! Please take a look at my two novels, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, for a possible backing. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

Beval wrote 539 days ago

Very witty and very entertaining.
Exactly the sort of book to while away long evening in a comfortable chair.

Su Dan wrote 546 days ago

good flowing writing.. easy to read, and enjoyable= this is on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Kaimaparamban wrote 554 days ago

Wonderful writing. I loved it.

MelissaColin wrote 560 days ago

I would totally buy this if I read some of it in a bookstore! Gritty and exciting. Kick ass character.

K A Smith wrote 560 days ago

Excellent first person story-telling, strong clear characterisation, an intriguing milieu and a strong plot combine to give I Had to Fall a well-earned place on my bookshelf. Thank you. I was disappointed to come to the end after only 19 chapters and would have gladly read the whole book at least twice.

I wondered if there would be ghost towns and ghost cities and areas left pretty much uninhabited/uninhabitable after the war?

I also wondered if there should be a mix of new technology and old tech like horse-drawn ploughs, if the war was devastating enough, some things might have gone backwards, while military stuff would get the investment and resources. No need to get heavily into it (or into it at all, of course) but it could be fun, confounding expectations ...

Chapter 9

A way to defuse the situation?

The warm air shifted passed (past)

Chapter 10

But apparently that much was a quite lot.

"As usual I had no idea what I was doing. Like I said, Hunters had me cornered.(")

You're facing a huge challenge in way you...

And his heart it is in the right place - I wasn't sure if the 'it' was a typo or not.

Chapter 16

That voice. I knew it so well, though I hadn't heard it (in) years

Chapter 19

A sight slipped from me (sigh?)

K A Smith wrote 560 days ago

This is a little corker, I'm on Chapter 9, so far, I do intend to read it all, but I thought I'd fire off a few comments now. If these aren't the sort of comments you think are useful, you can put me right. I can also, if you wish, go through it for typos. I'll need to read through again for that, as I get too engrossed this time 'round.

Notes:

I wouldn't explain any of the milieu/history backstory, if it was me, or maybe if I felt I really had to then the bare minimum. The story just rolls and the backstory becomes evident.

I'm not sure about 'Nav' for the intercommunications. There are developments in microcells for low energy short distance interconnections for wireless and the internet where individual peoples pcs act as base stations. It makes the routing algorithms a couple of orders of magnitude more complex that they are for cellular traffic at the moment, but they are feasible. That way, peoples computers, shop tills, vending machines, pretty much anything that isn't battery powered, as long as it had a microchip in it, could from a mesh of interconnecting communications which mobiles could tap into, a bit like skype-ing from a mobile, but it just goes through loads of low level connections instead of down the optic fibre backbone. this would be a nightmare to police or conduct traces through, with a bit of encoding and clever packet routing. Just a thought. This is the sort of solution that would very likely develop naturally in a situation like the one you set your story in.

I thought Deyl ought to have been more shocked and upset (even if she hid it) when she boiled the hunters. Just my take, I know, but it helps with the sympathy/empathy for her character as far as I am concerned.

Deyl should have mentioned the people tied up to Jared after they reach a rapprochement, despite the fact that he has probably divined it, as a bit of an olive branch.

JaysonRyu wrote 569 days ago

I absolutely love it. Period.

zap wrote 570 days ago

hi S.,
nice, punchy writing with a fast pace. An 'I'- story is usually a little difficult to read, but you pulled it off. Your fantasy world fits well into the normal one and you make the imaginary beings sound natural and in harmony with the rest of the environment. Backed.

Francene Stanley wrote 572 days ago

Great first chapter, full of action and suspense. You've set the story well. The reader knows Deyl's goal -- to stay alive. That's the best one there is. I love your writing, good sense of each scene and the internal thoughts are clear. I like your character and feel sympathy for her.

Only one nit I could find, and that's rare. There are too may words ending with 'ing'. The repetition gets a bit annoying after a while. I know the problem--how to vary the sentence structure. See if you can remove just a few. I'm sure it will help.

I'd like to back your book. I know it will do well.

Please take a look at mine.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

SChamblee wrote 572 days ago

This is an awesome story, and very well written. I am looking forward to you uploading the rest of it - I really hope you do as I'm now sitting here wondering what Deyl heard in the forest outside the cave.

Awesome awesome!

I wish you all the best, I think this is worthy of the desk.

:)
Sherry

melody_steiner wrote 574 days ago

I really loved the way you hooked the reader in with the first chapter. Wonderful story idea. I hope you finish it soon so I can have the pleasure of reading more. I added you to my watchlist.

lizjrnm wrote 575 days ago

An intriguing storyline done with talented writing. Easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Pia wrote 576 days ago

S. -

I Had to Fall - An enjoyable read. Great pacing of parnoia turning into the chase ending in the Toronto underground drainage system. The little red-head elf ... 'Did - did you just boil them?' she finally asked ... Alicia is not easily shaken off and Deyl is steeped in dangerous adventures. Check out a sentence early on, starting with ... my abnormally dark eyes. Best Success.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Ren Nowaki wrote 576 days ago

This is very well constructed, and well written. What's with the possessive 'it' mistake though? 'its' = something belonging to it, 'it's' = it is. For someone who otherwise has few grammatical errors, this is consistently wrong. Quite puzzling.

The world and situation is outlined immediately and clearly. Deyl and Alicia are described vividly. There's a definite air of danger surrounding life in this new, futuristic/alternate Canada. The plot emerges directly (being hunted and a quest to rescue Alicia's brother) and you have a definite grasp of how to weave your narrative so that you can keep the reader guessing - and interested. I think this is solid work; a definite shoo-in for YA readers. Good job.

--R.N.

Joel Juedes wrote 576 days ago

Unique premise. Intense beginning. Everything needed for someone to pick this off a bookshelf and buy it. This has great pacing and a terrific voice. Starting out in a grocery store was a very good idea--it gives the reader something to identify with, and quickly reveals the world as very much like our own (assuming I'm right when I say fae don't really exist. This couldn't be an autobiography, could it?)

Anyway, just a few cautionary notes: You begin some sentences with "Casually," "Turning," and end another with "...her bright casual tone surprising me." These sound awkward and take some of the pace out of the story, and remind the reader they ARE just reading a story, as opposed to being totally immersed in what's happening. Generally, more succinct verbs like "I turned and threw a glance..." flow better. I understand you're trying to keep the use of "I" down, but there are better places than the first word of a paragraph.

This book has fantastic potential, and I really do hope it succeeds. Fae are all the rage right now, but that could also be a bad thing. But if the ensuing chapters are anywhere near the originality of the first, you may have something. Good luck!

Joel Juedes- Purple Eyes

missyfleming_22 wrote 576 days ago

Thank you so much for sending me in this direction! This is fantastic! That first chapter is a little breathless, great pacing and great action. I love how you take us into the ENTIRE world of fantasy, all the popular beings are here! I didn't have time to read all 10 but I read half and I am defnitely coming back for more. Your first person is one of the better examples I've seen too, great internal dialogue. You're a master and I'm impressed. You'll have success with this, I'm sure of it.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Andrew Burans wrote 578 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Deyl. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to convey her thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Becca wrote 578 days ago

I love this! A world complete with all the supernatural beings1 (I utilize them all throughout my own trilogy). this has a great pace and I love the POV. I read the opening and thought--she knows what she's doing. For a minute I was surprised the POV character was describing herself, but as I read on I saw why you'd take that approach. I love the scene with Alicia, and your approach to summary is great--the voice strong. this is easy to get lost in, and has definite marketability. Makes me with my own story was a little more straightforward. One of the most enjoyable reads I've encountered on this site in a long time. I'll say this, you've nailed it all. Voice, character, pacing, great title, great cover, great premise--great writing, great hook--it's ALL great. This is a novel people can get excited about. I'm shelving for these first two chapters, but I plan to read more.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

SusieGulick wrote 578 days ago

Dear S., I love 7" tall Celeste in chapter 10, most of all :) - she's so charming. :) Your pitch prepared me for your fantasy story & your tight dialogue & paragraphs moved me right through your story. :) I also love the Dyle is so sensitive. :) Great write!! :) Hope you'll write more stories. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 578 days ago

The "thoughts" of the main character work well withing the storyline. Backed. Chuck

Jim Darcy wrote 579 days ago

Makings of a TV series here, methinks. :)
Other than a fair sprinkling of 'maybe's, this has plenty of original touches to offer fans of the genre.

SusieGulick wrote 579 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 20 hours later :)

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