How Mr S. Hite became Mr Right

Hi Magick, entertaining right from the get-go. verve + humour. strong characterizations and snappy dialog.
now, do i have any quibbles? can't quibble with pacey entertainment. you deliver. my only thought is the present tense. i reckon the storyline would have more resonance in past tense, which would give some distance and depth to S's thoughts. she has an intriguing inner self
best wishes, a

Hi Donna

This is a really fun read. You are obviously a chick lit aficionado and your work bears all the hallmarks of a great example of the genre. I love that your heroine is a full-on bitch instead of being the usual insipid nice girl and I can't wait to see what poor S.Hite grew up into. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

I love the opening - fast dialogue that works! I've put you on my WL. Can you check mine?
Strings of Madness...a love story between a computer geek and a beautiful woman who died 200 years ago!
Claude Nougat

Dear Donna, I love your uncomplicated undertone. I can honestly say! That I have only ever read three romance novels, of any worth in my time. But the way that you write was almost poetic. Your profile first pulled me in, but I was delighted to drown my reality in your romantic novel. There was never a moment when I thought, I was reading another's efforts. It was if you were telling me the story over the phone. I found myself wanting to know more. So make a point of trying to get it published, because this is a book that deserves to be. Its not so uncommon, for a man like me, when romance is written with such verve. I loved it and I would buy it. Good luck and best wishes with your book. Take care and look out for my backing. Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ]. ps, Sorry, but I almost forgot. Did Mr Shite, ever become Mr Right. That was fantastic!

I have to admit, I'm not really into romance novels, but I'm really enjoying this one.

Hi Donna.
I read your first two chapters and plan to return (time permitting).
The first person narration makes for easy read and fast moving story. The dialogue is brisk and sounds real…good job. The back-flash narration in first chapter could be trimmed some and also include more “showing.” Second chapter is a better blend.
The tension between your MC and other characters should be developed more for that’s what carries the story.
I really enjoyed your voice.
Have backed it yesterday…Good luck finding a publisher.
Dan
PS. Could you pls take a look at mine?

I can see where this is going. Sally is delightfully shallow, and reminds me of so many girls I knew in high school. The narrative and dialogue are good, and lead us to a meeting...or confrontation...between Sally and S. Hite. I can picture the coming reunion, and Sally's behaviour.

A few typos, but nothing an edit couldn't fix. The phone conversation rambles a bit, and could be shorter...just my opinion :-).

Already backed.

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Nice, solid story so far! I like the new twist and the way this is developing. Your characters are unique and engaging. What I liked was your voice, your narrative, it's easy and pretty fun to read. I could feel and see it as I read, which I love to find in a book. Your whole story feels very modern. I'm excited to see how this continues so I'm going to try and come back to it sometime. This has so much promise!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

I really enjoyed the start to this story, the characters are very instant and their dialogue believable. I found Sally's internal dialogue very informative in setting the back story and projecting her thoughts and feelings, which enabled me to get to know her and understand a little how she ticks. The opening chapter sets up an interesting scenario and creates intrigue as to how it will all work out! You have a very clear and crisp style of writing which makes this very easy to get into to. Very enjoyable!
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Lots of promise in your writing but lots of unnecessary commentary as well...the dialogue is simply overloaded to the point where it's clear the writer is listening to herself instead of allowing the characters to communicate with the reader! Backed because this has great potential...
Cheers
Stewart

You have done a very clever job in creating this book. Your talent is evident, and your use of words, effective. I think you will do very well. Colour characters flesh this story out nicely. Well done. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Well done. A very enjoyable read from the start.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

Dear Donna,
I love your work..... you may be a first time author, but you have amazing talent, display originality and of course a great synopsis.
I have backed your work on the strength of your pitch and wish you much success.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

This is very well written and the story flows effortlessly and flawless. You paint a visual scene with your writing and Chloe and Sally are well drawn. I thought it would have been nice if we had a peek at waht they looked like but that's not too important. What is important is that you set the tone of the novel and very skillfully introduce a whole lot of characters we will meet further on. Nice way to tell us about Sally.

Great job and a page turner.

The Mind Setter

You have written a very interesting, very funny and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Sally. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to explore her thoughts and emmotions. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

You are totally fantastic, Donna! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing me memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

a good idea from the start. the narrative and dialogue makes this book very much...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

"I don't believe in lust at first sight!" then Sidney tells her to "Sod off." So, they know each other from high school. Oh no, but yes. 15 years later and Sid has transformed and Sally is "still a bitch who think she's better than everyone else." This is an intriguing read and pretty entertaining. I'll be back to read more when I get a little time. Backed for now.

Dear Donna

I have started to read your writing and must say that it is compelling. Already you have established your animated characters in my head, ( they are not leaving soon) and i feel strongly to back your book now. I feel sure you
feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also
getting this book of your published. ( I wish I had half the talent some of you have on this site)
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Donna,
This looks like a very fun story with amusing situations and many twists and turns to the plot. I look forward to seeing the complete work. Backed with enthusiasm.

This is great! My kind of read. I think you should post it under other genres so it gets the exposure it deserves. Like fiction, comedy, etc. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Dear Donna, I love your chapter 5 :) - couldn't help but laugh out loud at chapter 6 :) - being 70, I've had that terrible experience innumerable times, "leaving my dignity on display." :) Your pitch sounded like a fun book to read & your crisp dialogue & paragraphs made for a great read. :) Can hardly wait for the rest of your story. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 1 hour later :)

No need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they attempt to figure out what you mean to imply with all caps. You don't want that to happen. Also, consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse dimishes their effectiveness. Other than that, this is engaging chick lit. Smart. Fresh. Bold. Clever wit. Worldly wisdom. Crisp dialogue. Keenly observed narrative. Robust storyline. An enjoyable read. Backed.