Book Jacket

 

rank 891
word count 19911
date submitted 04.10.2010
date updated 24.02.2011
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction
classification: adult
incomplete

Perfect Human Creations

Wadim Matusewicz

Lyndon's job is the incessant improvement of a society engineered for perfection. A rollercoaster of events however shakes his self-assured life to its core.

 

The modern society of the future: engineered to perfection on rational and efficient lines. Social and economic ailments are but a memory. Fulfilment and happiness is now easily measured and attained. However, there is still something missing... Lyndon seeks an engineering solution.

Meanwhile, the virtual medic network is recording a series of inexplicable illnesses and untimely deaths. The Department of Human Well Being enlists Lyndon to investigate.

His investigations lead him to the reclusive Congregation of Artists. Out of step with the society’s core principles, they engage in long-since eliminated artistic pursuits that contribute nothing of value to social development.

Contrary to his genetic and social programming, Lyndon becomes entangled in the group and drawn to the enigmatic Elisa. Following in the footsteps of the group’s leader, Lyndon is thrust back in time to war-torn Paris during World War Two, a world totally at odds with his entire being.

As he fights to survive and return to his perfect society, Lyndon begins questioning the pillars of his rational and poised life. Once firmly distinct and well-defined, edges and boundaries become now increasingly vague and blurred: rational and irrational, sacred and profane, light and darkness, even life and death gradually dissolve.

 
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tags

dystopia, future society, genetic engineering, ideas of perfection, individualism, notions of happiness, philosophy, rationality, role of art and musi...

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mrsdfwt wrote 366 days ago

Wadim,
You certainly have an exceptional command of the English language,perhaps even brilliant. Your narrative has a poetic quality to it and the story is good, but i must say i found Perfect Human Creations a bit overwhelming. I liked the response given to the MC, by the woman watering the office plants in chapter four. I don't want to resort to a cliche but, "sometimes less, is more". High starred on the strength of your words.
Wish you much success,
Maria
Dark of the Moon

Pia wrote 462 days ago

Wadim -

Perfect Human Creations. - Totally with you on the theme. All is not well in Lyndon's world of perfect simulations. I few thoughts came up reading the first chapter, but I'll come back to that. Had to laugh, receiving empathy recuced Lyndon's pill consumptions. There is much opportunity for humour with this theme and it's all well thought out and expertly written. I skipped forward to 7 (your chapter 17) where Lyndon experiences the momentary dissolution of boundaries with nature. So I see what you're doing. You may want to separate out speech-lines there. This chapter is lively and brought to mind an earlier idea, my personal thought, of course. The style of you writing in the first chapter would lend itself perfectly to an omnipotent narrators voice. It would give you more freedom and possibly be more powerful - and you could alternate it with first person in other chapters, where you slowly change the language from one more rational, with less verbs, to one with feelings. This could give you an extra tool for dramatisation. I remember reading and backing this in the past and it's unusual that I should not have left a comment. At least now I have the chance to rate the story with a handful of stars. Best Success, Pia

Giulietta Maria wrote 505 days ago

The natural scene begins so beautifully painted- so peacefully green- and then I had to laugh at the flashing daisy, a real surprise! Backed.

Becca wrote 574 days ago

Comments on Strengths and Weaknesses.
Story is great. Descriptions are fantastic, however, some of them are jarring, and the pace is being affected by lack of introducing characters and tension sooner, as well as drowning out the action of the story. This is nothing a revisions couldn't fix. My main suggestions would be to work on Focus and Tightening. that will take your lovely story and double it's impact. I am happy to give this some time on my shelf :)

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Lara wrote 584 days ago

This is unusual and not to everyone's taste.
Perhaps vary the way your paragraphs start: I stepped into the ...; ' I checked the ...; I hopped into the ...
I like the originality. Backed
Lara
Good for Him

homewriter wrote 585 days ago

Dear Wadim, This is undoubtedly the product of an extremely fertile imagination and is so well written. Well done. I had a little trouble orienting myself from the little cream coloured cottage to the great hall and then to the office. But that was a problem of my own creation, I think. Backed with pleasure, mainly because of the exquisite quality of the writing and the originality of the story. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Tom Bye wrote 587 days ago

HI WASIM ' PERFECT HUMAN CREATIONS'

yOU have written a very good thinking persons book here , well so it appears having read chunks of it ,
It's impressive and so creative with loads of imagination , not to mention descriptive.
one of the better books in the science fiction genre
backed with pleasure
TOM BYE 'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
mine totally different gentre, oblliged if you can read some of it and maybe back thanks

Andy M. Potter wrote 588 days ago

hi Wadim, fine rendering of outer setting as well as your MC's internal world. i've only read 3 chapters but you have a compelling story here.
when i like something, i tend to be a picky reader. ;)
here's a VERY minor editing thought that may strike a chord. pls ignore if it doesn't make sense for your narrative style. i like the ornate prose, but perhaps prune a few adverbs here and there.
e.g,: "following scrupulously its impetuous lead ..." - maybe just "following"
all in all, wonderfully atmospheric. on my shelf. best wishes, andy

nsllee wrote 588 days ago

Hi Wadim

Great idea and an interesting prose style - you really manage to conjure up a world that is radically different, that feels strange, cold and weirdly divorced from everyday reality - very alienating. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

zan wrote 589 days ago

Perfect Human Creations

Wadim Matusewicz

Poor Lyndon! To have to work incessantly for the improvement of a society engineered for perfection, even a futuristic one in which technology is of great assistance, must be a huge strain on one's system. Especially where artistic pursuits are banned and deemed to contribute nothing to society! There's a little flavour of Planet of the Apes here and its sequels, and I remember a Woody Allen comedy as well containing a bit of your futuristic elements. I alos sense a taste of Lost Horizon by James Hilton - interesting variation of Shangri-La, here in yours where the human genetic code has been properly tuned to eradicate the need for deterrent legislation. Even animals are properly trained except for the wolves who always gave in to the urge to slaughter the sheep - giving in to instinct. Perhaps a parallel here and Lyndon will eventually give in to "instinct" too? There is much philosophical/intellectual appeal here which makes for an extremely interesting and powerful story. Are humans really capable of learning from past mistakes? Fascinating theme and I'll be back to read some more when time permits. All the best with it.

Wilma1 wrote 590 days ago

I’m glad I’m not reading this out loud as I think I would be blue from lack of oxygen. You’re a very good writer and you put words together nicely. You are very good at descriptions as well it’s just that the sentences are so long you miss the meaning. A little pruning and I think you would have a really a great book. The premise is very good and I really like the cover you have chosen as well.
Everything is just perfect, I thought. It was a glorious day with a shining turquoise sky bathed in lovely golden sun, intense on dispersing generously its ostensibly infinite blossoming countryside.
Everything is just perfect. It was a glorious day and a shining turquoise sky bathed in golden sunlight, shone over the blossoming countryside. It says the same but reads cleaner.
You have great word power and if you used it in smaller bites you would get your message across more succinctly. I really hope you realise I mean to help you with this You have put a lot of effort in and some careful editing could make this a brilliant work
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley – I do hope you enjoy it.

Sly80 wrote 590 days ago

One thing that it is important to realise is that the voice of a first person narrator is the voice of a person, not an author or neutral storyteller. That person will view the world in a particular way and, for example, if he is flamboyant, so will his language be; if he is emotional, so will his language. The question then is whether the reader wants to spend time with the narrator, whatever his foibles.

That said, the first paragraph is a set up for the clever, rude awakening in paragraph two, and is not typical of Lyndon's normal manner of thinking / speaking, so I would suggest the safer tactic of shortening and toning it down a tad just to make sure you get the readers to where the story really starts, with the real Lyndon.

He has a healthy disregard for exercise and a quite unhealthy fixation on his virtual doctor ... well, quite healthy too as it reduces pill-popping. This is a future pared back to the essential and the logical - a better future because resources are directed to exactly what is needed - there is no waste, thus leading to the best possible outcomes in every case. If you want additional extras, such as friendliness, you pay for it.

Having 'phased out' the natural environment, and working on a hunch that it might be quite important in the pursuit of Perfect Human Creations, the race is on to recreate something approximating to 'nature'. Meanwhile, the lowly pot plant lady puts Lyndon and his cronies in their place in the moral if not the social status sphere. This, it turns out, is Elisa...

Imperfect nature vs a perfect imitation of it. There are parallels with Elisa and Minerva, and they are also the two warring aspects of Lyndon's own personality. While this Sci-Fi novel is set in a carefully engineered future, in our current society, these two faces of human nature are visible everywhere. Despite what some will claim, different people require different 'inputs' to survive, be it vast quantities of beer, beautiful art and music, the purr of a finely tuned engine, or a well placed adverb ... backed.

Possible nits: 'waving slowly my hand' -> 'slowly waving my hand'. Perhaps break up some of the longer paragraphs to make reading easier.

Deborah Aldrich Farhi wrote 590 days ago

One never knows when certain writing fads might suddenly come back into fashion..maybe a book such as this one could be the catalyst to change that stupid old theory that 'adjectives' are 'out'!!! Bring them back in..you've written elegantly and descriptively, and this is a story that will captivate many readers! Good Luck!!!

Owen Quinn wrote 590 days ago

forget the last comment, very visual, strong descriptive with a clear story that shines, go with your instinct, you know your story and characters, listen to your guts, keep going

mascaras wrote 590 days ago

Take the first paragraph and take out all the dozens of adjectives and the odd adverb as well. All of them! Then go in and judiciously scatter one or two where necessary. Until you do this you will never have a chance of getting published. There are, I think, 9 adjectives and 1 adverb in the second sentence. I just want to be honest.

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 590 days ago

I liked both the ideas in this book and the structure you used to deliver them. The opening two paragraphs were brilliant--they really encapsulated the theme you will explore. The first paragraph lulled me into a sense of peace and contentment. The second jolted me from that state with the mere twinkling of a color, and I realized at once what a strong correlation there is between peace and adjustments made to humor an obsessive-compulsive nature. We all have much madness within us.

I'm sure you will get many comments about the length of your sentences. For me, they worked. The rhythm of the long strings of words conveys the sing-song tranquility of the "perfect" world in parts, and the desperate and unending search to observe and correct defects in others. The explanation of the etymology of Minerva's name was a necessary tell-tale in my case, and I found it very interesting to watch Lyndon's attraction for the shy, drab, visually disturbing Elisa grow while the perfectly beautiful Minerva waits at home beneath silk sheets. The sadist in me found his conflicted nature amusing. Backed for certain.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Clare Wiltshire wrote 591 days ago

Nicely written first chapter so I will put it on my shelf. Clare

ccb1 wrote 591 days ago

Trolling for a good read and spotted Perfect Human Creations. Added to our Watch list. Will read and comment on later.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Palmer-Nelson wrote 591 days ago

Awesome ideas and writing style, love the idea of genetics and you have taken it one step further! Great!

SarahJill wrote 591 days ago

I have now finished what you've put up. very worthwhile read. I quite understand why you haven't put up the rest though I am RATHER disappointed.....

I have one question on my first quick read thru. In the early chapters, I was aware that one of the characters (Jack I think?) used "sweet Jesus" as an expletive, and I think (I might be mis-remembering) that Lyndon did too. Yet in this later chapter he refers to saying grace as though it were unfamiliar and academic. Obviously I don't know the whole story, but this seems a bit odd to me, surely in the future culture, swearing by judeo-christian god would not be the norm in the succesful society? But as I say, since I can't read the middle bit *sniff* I am only mentioning it as a possible anachronism. And its not a big point, it jsut jarred a little as a first read.

Most enjoyable.

Su Dan wrote 591 days ago

an interesting 'meaty' subject. your flowing narrative, also works well for this piece...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

SarahJill wrote 591 days ago

I'm on chapter three, really enjoying it. I love the way the sterile absence of dialogue and interaction underlines the attempt at nullification of humanity that the genetic manipulation has brought about. The language you use echoes this, with its formality and echoes of present day double speak. At the same time, it is very clear to me that fundamentally this protagonist is still human. He still feels. He just hasn't noticed.

I love the daisies. Long live the daisies!

Kristen Stone wrote 592 days ago

Perfect Human Creations - When I started to read I first thought of Brave New World. I only read the first chapter, but would have gone on if time allowed. My one wish was that there was some interaction between the narrator and the rest of the world. Perhaps a 'good-night' to his colleagues or a chat with his companion. Without this interaction the narrative seems rather sterile. But the idea is good and I enjoyed what I read and wanted to know more. Backed.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man
Shattered Dreams

Eliseo wrote 592 days ago

Hi Wadim,
Good narrative and detailed descriptions. I particularly liked the Wolves methaphor.
Good work!

Giulietta Maria wrote 592 days ago

What a great idea, full of creative twists! Backed.

orazio wrote 592 days ago

Wadim excellent work! It is impossible to stop reading your book continue in this way !
Orazio

Tim Andrewartha wrote 593 days ago

The title, short pitch & long pitch appealed to me, suggesting this would be my kind of book.

Chapter 1

I like the bit about having a crush on the virtual doctor. The writing is really good although I thought perhaps there's more description than is needed which slows it down a bit.

Chapter 2

Very interesting ideas but quite lengthy explanations. Both sentences & paragraphs are a bit too long for me. If this was broken up it would be easier to digest.

Chapter 3

That second sentence is quite long but I love the content of it. Some paragraphs are really long. I would split them up.

Overall from what I read I like the idea & I think you write well but you need to break things up to make it easier to read. This has a lot of potential.

Backed.

Tim (Vitality)

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 593 days ago

Clever introduction, you really set the scene for me and I simply continued to read. The whole concept is very plausible and perfectly paced, well done. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Zabka wrote 593 days ago

Good premise. Unlike other readers, I appreciated the detailed descriptions. This is Lyndon and he’s telling us about his world. And he’s cocky, proud and confident. He’s part of what makes it all tick along so efficiently. And yeah, getting those daisies right is a damn nuisance that people accustomed to perfection have difficulty tolerating. All is in order, but that order is really quite fragile. That’s why they have engineers like Lyndon to keep it all together. And the Department of Well Being. But of course, with too much perfection there is sterility and coldness. You convey that well.

And people attaining an “Officially Recognised State of Happiness” – brilliant. And timely with all the current studies of how to measure happiness: happiest nation in the world ratings and stuff like that. And the return to eastern and western philosophy texts to figure out what constitutes happiness and how it may be achieved.

I like the little thoughts at the beginning of each chapter. Your own inventions? Tres cool. Like a management manual offering lessons or communicating the lessons Lyndon learns along the way. You can see in the first three chapters that he has quite a learning curve. And then by giving us a glimpse by uploading Chapter 17, we gain a taste of how Lyndon’s being is awakening. Was he really living in that future reality or just existing? That’s the contrast. In war-torn Paris people are fighting for their existence and they really are living.

Compelling stuff. Give us more!

Kelketek_Rritaa wrote 593 days ago

I'm quite enjoying this work, on chapter five now. The dry humor is grand, and peppered here and there, and the aloof viewpoint of the narrator is perfect for the society presented. It also speaks to one of the dystopia ideas I find quite frightening personally. I am backing your book. Good work!

C W Bigelow wrote 593 days ago

Wadim, and why wouldn't he take every little detail in and totally love himself - if we could choose every little thing about ourselves wouldn't we talk in such detail - and that makes Lyndon an alluring character. I found his commentary humorous and enlightening. Very creative - interesting beginning. Backed with pleasure CW (To Save the Sun)

I. Soldatos wrote 594 days ago

I don't usually read much science fiction, but the pitch intrigued me. It seemed like something I might enjoy.
Then it's make or break time. Do I like the writer's style? I'm perfectly willing to read 'dense' books, and slow-paced books, and complex writing. It does not all need to start with the proverbial 'bang'. I am patient. I can wait for interesting things to happen. I just need to like the style. And there's no one recipe for this that fits the bill. But I know immediately, from the first paragraph, whether something tickles my fancy, or not.

I've looked at, at least 7-8 different books today, of wildly different genres. This is the only one which I started reading, and continued reading, until I finished the chapter. Verdict: I like your style. :-)

It is immediate, but also descriptive. You give me enough information to understand what's going on, without giving me too much. That means I want to read on, and find out where all this is going. And I like the irony.
I shall certainly be back for more. :-)

Backed with pleasure!

I. Soldatos
Bad Bishop

Jim Darcy wrote 594 days ago

Great cover to start with. Very good pitch grabs the attention and then your writing does not disappoint. Well developed and imagined scenes with lots to pleasethe sci-fi fan. Good job.

missyfleming_22 wrote 594 days ago

I wasn't expecting this, the pitch sounded interesting so I read on and you really grabbed me. You give us something completely new and original, I haven't come across anything like this and that is a good thing! Sci-fi can be tricky but you make it look and feel easy. It has a lot of important issues woven into your story, that makes it a timely, modern tale. I liked this a lot, thanks for giving me something unexpected.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Sharon.v.o. wrote 594 days ago

My husband turned me on to Sci Fi, I really enjoyed this.
Best of luck to you!
Sharon Van Orman

Bill Carrigan wrote 594 days ago

Greetngs Wadim, The originality of your thesis--potential problems of a "perfectly" engineered world--struck me as quite promising, and I decided, after checking the writing itself, to back your novel. I've heard that publishers today are primarily interested in novels that are both timely and unique. If this is so, "Perfect Human Creations" should have a good chance. You've addressed the principal aspects of social structures--economics, environment, health, aesthetics, etc.--thus blending social engineering with characterization, action, and story line. The combination draws me on, and I'd like to read more and return.

Would you take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville," a novel blending a love story with the relatively primitive practice of medicine in a country town during the 1920s and '30s? I'd strongly welcome your views. Best regards, Bill

Colin Normanshaw wrote 594 days ago

You have a superb pitch, and the story itself is excellent. You have good dialogue and realistic characters, and the pace is just about right. Watch out for too many over-long paragraphs - breaking somof these up a little will detract nothing from the story, but make for an easier read. backed with pleasure. Colin

Freeman wrote 594 days ago

I like sci-fi and I can just imagine this perfect world of the future. But as you have written not everything works as it should and things go wrong. Wolves are always dangerous. You have a good eye for detail and the story moves at a good pace. I would try to avoid using ‘I’ at the start of too many paragraphs, you have plenty of good material to change the sentences around a bit. Happy to back since I can see this has good potential.

Tony
Life Bringer

zrinka wrote 595 days ago

You may want to rework your pitches. I don't see any hooks in them. Why do I must read this? Your short pitch could be something along the line of a question. E.g. A dangerous encouter with splinter group threatens to shake London's beliefs. Would he continue his job of improving the society already engineered to perfection? That begs the question why would a society that's alredy perfect need improving and how do you go about it. Also, don't repeat it in the first sentence of your long pitch. You're only allowed 200 words, use them wisely.

Richard J. Dean Jr. wrote 596 days ago

Definitely not bad. Reminds me a little of a Christian Bale movie I saw. Good luck.

GK Stritch wrote 596 days ago

Dear Wadim Matusewicz,

I enjoyed your interesting and amusing "me" page and your beautifully written, and, again, amusing Perfect Human Creations. Add humor to your "tags." You have a wonderfully gentle sense of humor.

Backed and best.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Wadim wrote 596 days ago

Hi there and thank you for your valuable comments, I'm very much a green horn in the business of writing, as a matter of fact it's very much a hobby more than anything else. Having said that I take your comments very much on board, the style/prose is a bit sluggish and a little cumbersome, it definitely needs more editing. Though it might seem odd my choice for this style was almost intentional; the first chapters are the thoughts and reflexions of a self-centered egotistical character utterly convinced of his society's superiority, and that's also why I decided to write in the first person. The style changes markedly as the character develops and changes his view of life. Having said all that, I guess one still needs to keep the reader sufficiently entertaned to get there... :D] I look forward to reading your book. Cheers Wadim

Ok, you have a problematic style (in my opinion). Frankly, your voice is not strong enough to justify such huge amounts exposition and narration.

I think… “I felt strangely refreshed that morning.”… should be your first sentence.”

Start with the action, start with the character. Grab your reader’s attention that way. If you start with wads of dry text you will lose your reader for sure. The line I mentioned has great potential for a captivatingly symbolic subtext to set off the theme of your novel. And it is provocative enough to get the reader wondering “why?” The stuff above it is tedious, technical, proper, and very indulgent. The important details of it can be woven in fluidly as you write, -- but the bulk of it is too laborious for the reader, and provides little pay off. As the author it is your job to carry the reader. You can’t expect your reader to do all the work for you. If you’re going to write so densely you must make it beautiful and compelling, and fluid enough to carry the reader along and, I’m sorry, but to be honest your writing style does not accomplish that. Forget trying to write in an overly literary voice--your style is more suited to a straight prose that accentuates your strong points: such as character development, plot structure, and the philosophy in the premise. Write through action, and dialogue, with an interweaving of narration, and this will flow well. The strengths of your story are getting buried under the weight of your massive amount of dry narration.

Mix your sentence structures up and link narrative elements together when you can to increase flow. My suggestion to you would be to write more actively. Write the actions and the dialogue, with narrative details woven in “as you go along.” The philosophy here is the strength of your novel (if I'm readingthis correctly) , so let that shine through "situationally" through actionand dialogue. All and all I think this can be a strong novel if polished.

Though you have some issues that need to be resolved (in my opinion) I am willing to back your book. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think. And goodluck with your manuscript.



blueboy

Wadim wrote 596 days ago

Hi there and thank you for your valuable comments, I'm very much a green horn in the business of writing, as a matter of fact it's very much a hobby more than anything else. Having said that I take your comments very much on board, the style/prose is a bit sluggish and a little cumbersome, it definitely needs more editing. Though it might seem odd my choice for this style was almost intentional; the first chapters are the thoughts and reflexions of a self-centered egotistical character utterly convinced of his society's superiority, and that's also why I decided to write in the first person. The style changes markedly as the character develops and changes his view of life. Having said all that, I guess one still needs to keep the reader sufficiently entertaned to get there... :D] I look forward to reading your book. Cheers Wadim

Your writing and ideas definitely have potential, although I found a few issues with the sentence structure which slowed the pace i.e.

Try: 'generously dispensing its warming rays' (Instead of having it the other way around)

Try: 'nearby sinuous trees eagerly joined the perfectly chroreographed timeless dance with the wind, adding gentle whooshing sounds, scrupulously following its impetuous lead (think this reads better, although the sentence it quite long)

These are only my suggestions, may be worth reading out loud to yourself, as I feel more work may be needed in this regard to improve the flow. Backed.

BJ Otto wrote 596 days ago

Your writing and ideas definitely have potential, although I found a few issues with the sentence structure which slowed the pace i.e.

Try: 'generously dispensing its warming rays' (Instead of having it the other way around)

Try: 'nearby sinuous trees eagerly joined the perfectly chroreographed timeless dance with the wind, adding gentle whooshing sounds, scrupulously following its impetuous lead (think this reads better, although the sentence it quite long)

These are only my suggestions, may be worth reading out loud to yourself, as I feel more work may be needed in this regard to improve the flow. Backed.

Wadim wrote 596 days ago

Thanks to everyone who have commented so far. I will take your comments on board and will progressively re-work my chapters. I will re-upload the revised chapters as I go in due course and keep you all posted.
The manuscript is complete (subject to the usual revision and editing), so I actually have more chapters that I haven't loaded yet. If anyone's interested to read on, just let me know.
Thanks again.
All comments appreciated and will do my utmost to keep up with my swap reads and backing. If I haven't got to you yet, not to fear, you are in my watchlist so I won't forget! :D

Roger Thurling wrote 596 days ago

Really excellent prose, lovely long paragraphs and some big ideas which have not been done to death in a thousand other novels. Original and compelling - far from run-of-the-mill. Satisfying to read.
RT

blueboy wrote 596 days ago

Ok, you have a problematic style (in my opinion). Frankly, your voice is not strong enough to justify such huge amounts exposition and narration.

I think… “I felt strangely refreshed that morning.”… should be your first sentence.”

Start with the action, start with the character. Grab your reader’s attention that way. If you start with wads of dry text you will lose your reader for sure. The line I mentioned has great potential for a captivatingly symbolic subtext to set off the theme of your novel. And it is provocative enough to get the reader wondering “why?” The stuff above it is tedious, technical, proper, and very indulgent. The important details of it can be woven in fluidly as you write, -- but the bulk of it is too laborious for the reader, and provides little pay off. As the author it is your job to carry the reader. You can’t expect your reader to do all the work for you. If you’re going to write so densely you must make it beautiful and compelling, and fluid enough to carry the reader along and, I’m sorry, but to be honest your writing style does not accomplish that. Forget trying to write in an overly literary voice--your style is more suited to a straight prose that accentuates your strong points: such as character development, plot structure, and the philosophy in the premise. Write through action, and dialogue, with an interweaving of narration, and this will flow well. The strengths of your story are getting buried under the weight of your massive amount of dry narration.

Mix your sentence structures up and link narrative elements together when you can to increase flow. My suggestion to you would be to write more actively. Write the actions and the dialogue, with narrative details woven in “as you go along.” The philosophy here is the strength of your novel (if I'm readingthis correctly) , so let that shine through "situationally" through actionand dialogue. All and all I think this can be a strong novel if polished.

Though you have some issues that need to be resolved (in my opinion) I am willing to back your book. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think. And goodluck with your manuscript.



blueboy

name falied moderation wrote 596 days ago

Dear Wadim
absolutely wow. where did you get this amazing idea from. I have to admire a mind like yours and also your ability to put it to pen. I love your writing. Your characters are incredible and your plot so too. I know I sound a bit strange but I am still in the mind with this book. is it fiction mmmmm. real mmmm
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
Denise
The Letter

If you can find time to comment and back my book I would be so happy, if not that is OK also
The very best with your book

Wadim wrote 597 days ago

Just uploaded new cover for Perfect Human Creations and awaiting approval, so some other default cover appears. Apologies for any confusion. W

Three Red Seeds wrote 597 days ago

I enjoyed the softness of the setting, the 'perfect' surroundings are eerie because of the level of perfection. A bit Huxley's Brave New World, a bit Ben Elton's Blind Faith rolled into your unique style. I'd recommend a review of the 11 weak modifiers in the opening paragraph (that's some kind of new record).

I am backing this book.

12