Castle of the Shimmering Sands

CASTLE OF THE SHIMMERING SANDS
DearGeorgette,
This is simply lovely and I remember when I read and backed it some time back. You have masses of drama and intense intrigue in your book. It moves with a timely pace, lots of excellent descriptions and everything appears in a light-hearted and easy fashion, which makes for an easy read. Lots of possibilities are drawn throughout your chapters which kept me captivated and wondering.
Very well done
Faith
The Assassins Village

A charming dramatic story. Appealing characters. Great character dynamics. Strongly imagined settings. Believable dialogue. Intriguing storyline. Exquisite writing. An enthralling read. Backed.

CASTLE OF THE SHIMMERING SANDS
Wow. This is a book based on an interesting premise: would it be a good or a bad thing to learn you’ve inherited money? I like the way Valerie is so modest in her description of herself. Made me like her immediately. I think when you say she was relieved of her purse, that’s understated. Surely she’d be angry about that. The scenes where she tries to “fit into” her family are well written; I could feel her tension at realizing these people are not the kind of people who usually lists as her friends. Overall, a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Happy to reshelve this fine book.
John

Castle of the Shimmering Sands
Hi Georgette, this is a lovely, entertaining story. Val is very appealing and you handle the 1st person POV with great skill. Good pace, great characters and the dialogue is spot on. A classic murder/mystery!
Kat x Hens from Hell

Castle of the Shimmering Sands
Premise, when a Plain Jane inherits a potential fortune she becomes a target for mayhem.

Pitch - both long & short are very good.

Plot - Through Ch 2 - The story takes off with the news of a disappearing uncle. Plain Jane hops a plane and meets a mountain of a man on-board.

characters - good descriptions and very believable

Mechanics - some of the sentences were rather involved with some comma splices. Other than that, I didn't notice much wrong.

Pacing - IMO, it is very slow to start and I wonder if the plot could be developed a little quicker.

Hook at the end of Ch 1 (preface) is good, but lacking at the end of Ch 2 (book Ch1) It is imparative to have a strong hook at the end of Ch 1 to keep the reader engaged. Also, there should be a strong hook on the first page of Ch 1 as well. The first paragraph in Ch 1 (book Ch 1) is good and captivating.

POV - 1st person is difficult to write, but IMO, the author executed it very well.

Overall, this is an entertaining story with good characterizations. It might benefit from some careful ediiting to simplify the sentence structures and maybe push the tension up a notch. Great premise!

Raechel
Echo

Greetings Georgette,

I started reading and commented on CASTLE OF THE SHIMMERING SANDS for you, but I don't recall hearing back form you. Are you still active here? Were my comments OK? Let me know if you wish me to read more.

Best regards

Orlando
WATCHING SWIFTS

I first read your marvelous story nearly eight months ago. I returned today to do a detailed critique of your preface and first chapter.

General comments: A captivating start. A fascinating main character. Vivid visuals. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the preface:
1) You use the word 'others' three times in your opening paragraph. Is that intentional? If not, consider using an alternate word for at least one of the 'others.'
2) 'There were no strings attached' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresh way.
3) 'Either way, I wasn't satisfied and I felt compelled to go.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the onset of the feeling so the reader can experience it along with Valerie. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into your story and 'I felt' will be implied.
4) Excellent hook at the end of the preface. Who wouldn't turn the page after reading that line?

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) "He must be at least 6'7" if he's an inch," I thought. Spell out numbers 1-99. Also spell out the feet and inches symbols. There is another case of this type of problem in this chapter.
2) ' ... or to be politically correct, female flight attendant that crossed his path.' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people.
3) "I'm with the firm Ellis, Ellis, Dormer and Cookson", he said ... Put the comma inside the closing quote mark.

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important opening pages. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and keep it in mind when you reshuffle your bookshelf at the end of the month?

Have a splendid day.

Al

Ch 2

I lik,,e the description of the maid 'gliding gently through her tasks.' And I smiled at 'I wandered about the bedroom until...' Sounds like a prarie! Ach, and there is the gown on the bed! Dreams do come true.'Everything was new and a perfect fit' -- we are in utopia. And why not? We have to be able to imagine perfection to make progress towards it.And the notion of co-operating with the servant for fear of offending her is spot on. I think many wld do that in that they wld identify with how the servant felt. A rich person wld not. And o to own a hundred acres of Surrey, England. Actually, make that a thousand acres of Oxfordshire, or, better still, Dorsetshire. One wld not wish to be too close to Madonna. The mirror moment is delightful. 'The stage is set...' Now that grips the mind. ~Ach, Gardener's English accent...I wonder where he is from. Wld I be able to pin him down? Ah, yes, that is a delightful line '...there seems to be a sort of tension building...' Perfectly understated. And I understand perfeclty over the martini vs beer issue. I think a lady wld be perfectly within her rights to request a small beer. And to do so wld show a ceratin independence and determination of spirit. And of course it wld totally wrong-foot all the snobs awaiting her.And yes, majestic bearing can count for a lot. I try to walk straight when I see myself slouching along in shop windows.'...vast brown eyes with long lashes...' O bring them on! Eeeek, 'mischief'! Perfect! '...everybody was his friend...' o I know that moment, when my my new friend for life puts his arm around me. '...to cope with those strange people...' is a feeling I have often, too. Ach, and what a delightful end to the chapter after such social stress. Bliss. Sleep.

Orlando
WATCHING SWIFTS

Georgette, Just from reading your pitch I find myself wanting more. What a great way to capture a readers attention.

Thanks for letting me look at your wonderful story.

P. L. Green
The Sorrow Within

This is good....full stop. The money worked. The voice was your strength. I think it was how you played the contrast in the opening paragraph that pulled me in. I'm thinking ego...nope. You proved that rather quickly, which made your character more empathetic. Good mystery hook with the Uncle. Although I don't read this genre, I wanted you to know how much I truly loved your writing! Very good indeed!

Cheers,
Dwayne

It is a great privilege to visit this place and read fantastic stories from such a range of wonderful writers doing their best to make their mark. We are so lucky to be able to create as we do and to read others' efforts is the purest of joys.

ch 1
V is one of us. We are with her on the plane and understand the annoyance of Mrs. Whozitz. She is unusually prone to eyes, thouse of the man mountain and then Gardener's laughing eyes. She might be the poor relation, but she is canny, hiding her real possessions so that the purse snatcher gets... There are some good observations, esp of the effete Cookson and the rakish uncle. But the best dab for me is, 'Your Coors, Miss.' Now THAT is the life!

I'm in.
I like the prologue. I too am a plain Jim and understand entirely the early comments. But that aspect is soon forgotten when the intrigue takes over and events accelerate rapidly until whoosh, we are off to the airport.
The arousal of V's curiosity is natural and understandable and arouses its like in the reader. We want to know. We wld do the same as her. We have to find out.
The Brit angle intriuges as I am sat in England! Researching family history is very popular on both sides of the Atlantic. And a dash of mystery is compelling universally -- as is the prospect of being lifted from out plain lives by sudden wealth!
Watchlisting. Will read more.
Orlando
WATCHING SWIFTS

A suggestion is to use italics for "Well, Plain Jane has arrived..." Great style of writing. Backed. Chuck

Dear Georgette,

I promised to read more of your novel and to back it if it continues to sing. And it does. There's one passage, though, that needs some editing. In your Chapter 4 (Authonomy's 5). Cedric docks in S. America, sails for the West Indies around the Horn (so he must have been in the Pacific Ocean). But next he's on the WEST coast of S. America (?). He sails north and reaches the West Indies (!). Then he sails south to England (!). This will need some adjustment. But the characters come alive, the dialogue is realistic, and the mystery story advances. So I'll be glad to clear a space on my shelf very soon

I hate to say this, but many more authors have praised my novel than backed it, and I'm stuck at rank 167 after nearly two years on the site. I hope you'll read "The Doctor of Summitville" and, if you really like it, put it on your shelf for a few days. I'd be enormously grateful. --Best of luck, Bill

Georgette,
Castle of the Shimmering Sands was a pleasure to review. You have a richly detailed writing style and a protagonist with an intriguing family history. As I read the preface, I only wished the cashier's check had been made out to me so I would no longer have to be concerned about minimum balances. Your descriptions create vivid images and one has to slow down and take notice of all the details relayed in the prose. I think Valerie Hansen's tale has great appeal to the intelligent reader who wants to be swept away by an enthralling work of fiction. I enjoyed my visit and am pleased to place Castle of the Shimmering Sands on my bookshelf.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Hey there georgigirl

I expect you get tired of people introducing themselves with that, but it is a fond memory from my youth.

I have just read your preface and it got my interest going; you give enough of the charactor forward with lots of interest and questions and the last paragraph made me want more, which I will no doubt do, but for now you are on my watch list.

David (The Last Celt)

Dear Georgette,

I've read nine chapters of your novel with pleasure and admiration. The title seems apt, since it all sounds like a shimmering fairy tale, but then again . . . the sinister events . . . I really don't know what to make of it yet, except that it's very well written and keeps me in suspense. Tonight I'll read the other chapters you've shown.

We both need lots of backing if we're ever going to make it to THE DESK, so I propose to back yours when I free a space. I hope you'll take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville" and back it if you find it deserving. Best of luck, Bill

Hi Georgi,

This is extremely well-written and grammatically perfect which enables your flowing, pacey dialogue to really shine. The plot is intriguing and opens a lot of questions that I'm sure will be answered later as I read on.

I usually try to offer some suggested improvements but as yet I haven't found any areas to comment on. I have no doubt that you will reach the editor's desk with this novel and wish you the very best of luck with it.

Kind regards,
MK

Castle of the Shimmering Sands is a bit outside my normal comfort zone in terms of genre, but I was pleasantly surprised to find myself reading deep into the story. Author Georgette Overton has created a very believable character in Valerie Hansen. She’s very much the every-woman type of person, and I think most readers will be able to identify with her insecurities and vulnerabilities. She’s not a shrinking violet or anything, but we do get to experience her fears through inner-monologue, which is a great way to establish a main character.

The story really picks up when Hansen arrives at the Hightower mansion as an heiress. The home’s many secret passages and dark nooks are a joy to discover, and I feel like I’m right there with Hansen as she explores. When it becomes obvious that someone is trying to harm her, she smartly begins to use what she discovered to her advantage.

Castle of the Shimmering Sands combines a fine mystery with a bit of a gothic flair and some chick lit to boot. While anyone would find this novel appealing, I think that people who normally read chick lit would especially be drawn to it, as there are not too many true mysteries in that genre. In fact, I think because of that, this will be a very popular book when published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

i read the first few entries in you work "Castle of the Shimering Sands". I was looking to get a bead on it so i could comment. when i went back and looked and found you used the tag "gothic" it came into focus. you have a gothic mystery and it is one way to approach it. one should be on the lookout for hidden passageways and stairwells. i think it succeeds on this level and will put it on my watchlist to come back to and read more when i get the opportunity. one little writing thing, try taking out a lot of your that's. i have a habit of using the word that a lot and it is suprising when you go back through a piece you find you can eliminate many of them and not ruin the movement and sense of your work. your piece does move well nonetheless. if you have the time would you please look at my piece "ghost dance". best of luck.

Castle of the Shimmering Sands
Georgette Overton

Good short pitch. V. good long pitch. Reader pretty much has a clue what the story is about. I read the tags and from the pitches couldn't see it as being "chick lit" but I read on.

Preface.
First thing I notice is that you do not mention her name in the preface. I only know her name is Valerie from your long pitch but had I not read it I'd have finished reading your preface with no idea what her name was.

Fourth paragraph: Your second sentence is a tad long. You might consider breaking it up. However what I did notice that you should definitely change is:
"...and although we had never met I felt like I knew them and lived life with them through her life, and her stories."
I'd consider removing some of the references of life as they are too many. Maybe go with: ...and although we had never met, I felt that I knew them and experienced living with them as a result of Grams stories.
(something like that).

Chapter One:
Okay, I see where the chick lit comes in ... the beginning of Chapter One does sound like it would fit the genre with the description of the 'ruggedly handsome' man in the airplane and her attitude towards herself vis a vis his impression - 'plain jane'
Oh, I felt her pain having to sit next to a non-stop talker in the airplane.

You write: As I left the luggage claiming section....
Consider: As I left the luggage claim section

I notice we first get a mention of her name some paragraphs down in chapter one. Is this your intention? to stall the revelation of the name for so long? I'm not saying it is a good or bad thing, its just something that stuck out. I'm used to books introducing at least the first name early on and in this case where you even have a preface, at least at some point in the preface. But I'm only making an observation so please feel free to ignore if this is something you intended.

So we close chapter one with Valerie meeting the family members, some are welcoming, some not quite so.
The story is told in first person and Valerie carries the narration with a light, humorous tone. The cast of characters is introduced well and one can only imagine the machinations that will go on as they strive to protect their inheritance. Of course we have no idea at this point whether her uncle is alive or dead and thus the reader is vested in the outcome from the start. There are also questions of why she got a check of $100,000 which would likely be unveiled as the story progresses.

Apart from some sentence structure issues (some too long, some can be clearer etc) the story promises to be eventful. The narration is lively and will capture the attention of readers.

I wish you all the best with this.
Cheers, Kari.

Hi Georgette,

I just spotted your book, so I popped over to have a read and leave a comment. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;)

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

Preface : Interesting intro. The mention of things through the ages hints at the timeless nature of love. I like the way you break into the musings with an unexpected "That last 1 was me." I almost laughed aloud when I read that. I guess I can understand her envy. Women seem to be judged on looks far more than men. It is grossly unfair :(.

I'm intrigued when I learn of the letter from the uncle and mention of a will. Could this lead to untold riches for her perhaps? ;) Seems there's lots of mystery surrounding his disappearance/death.

1 tiny suggestion here. Occasionally, I think some of your paragraphs feel pretty long eg as in the paragraph "Hugo's bequest...". They could make for pretty intimidating blocks of text on printed pages. Is there any way you could paragraph a bit more often to make the reading easier and quicker for thickos like me? ;)

Reading on...Woah, I blinked when I read of the cheque for 100,000. Looks like riches really are on the cards ;). No wonder she hurried to get off to California.

Chapter 1: Her attitude really comes through when she gets on the plane. I like the way she describes the travellers, especially the "matronly type" with her "steel probes" ;). Hmmm I'm curious about the huge man, though. He seems overly interested in her. Suspicious.

I've 1 tiny suggestion here. I think, occasionally, your writing could be even more involving if you found ways to show more and tell less. eg "I was fascinated." is you telling the reader a fact. It's a bit like lecturing them. I think in this case you could just cut that bit as you've already done a great job of showing us her fascination by her thoughts and actions. The reader can then infer the meaning for themself. I think it's sometimes a mistake to spoonfeed readers by telling them too much. Showing them things and letting them draw their own conclusions should actively involve them in your story more. ;)

Reading on... This guy really is huge and imposing, isn't he? I wonder why he's so interested in her. Has he been paid to follow her? Or is he perhaps on his way to the same place as her? Curious.

I was surprised when her purse got stolen, but she's savvy enough to have hidden the important stuff. Phew. The house seems v impressive. Eerie that she's being peeked at, though. I think there are lots of secrets here. Ah and there's an anachronistic butler. I smiled when he gave his last name as the way to address him. He's a walking, talking character from a former age. ;) This whole place feels like it's somehow set apart from the modern world.

The young man seems out of place in such a hidebound setting. Ah he's the lawyer. That explains it. He gets straight down to business. I wonder if this means she's really in for a fortune. Good dialogue between them. It reads like an interrogation. I can almost feel her confusion/irritation. :)

I've a tiny suggestion on dialogue. I don't think you need beats and speech tags simultaneously. eg in " "I'm with the firm Ellis, Ellis, Dormer and Cookson," he said as his eyes flickered with humour" we know who's speaking from the action. I think just " "I'm with the firm Ellis, Ellis, Dormer and Cookson." His eyes flickered with humour” would work fine and use fewer words. ;)

Reading on... I smiled when the butler turned up with the beer. Is he psychic?:) Uh oh the man in his 60s seems furious, though. It's really starting to look like she must have inherited a serious amount ;). Eventually, they're all happy Val is who she says she is, though. Will things go smoother from now on? Lots of interesting characters in the family. This is starting to look like a lineup of suspects in a murder mystery ;). By the end of the chapter, I wonder what new mysteries Val will uncover...

Chapter 2: Val's suite's really OTT. Looks like she's fallen on her feet here. When it comes to her job, Maricela's like a force of nature ;).

I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, generally, it's best to avoid adverbs as a strong verb almost always does a better job than a verb-adverb pair. eg in “...glide gracefully through her tasks..." the verb describes the action perfectly, so I think the adverb's not needed at all. I only ever use an adverb when there isn’t a verb that completely describes the meaning I want to convey. Increasingly, I think a large part of writing comes down to just picking verbs. ;)

Reading on... Val seems in heaven with all the fancy surroundings, especially the bathroom. Sounds like Maricela's family's been working here a looooonnnngggg time. No wonder she knows the job so well. Val's overjoyed at the results of Maricela's attentions. Looks like Val's finally got the appearance she envied in others ;).

Hmmm there's mention of tension. When Val gets to the drawing room, things are obviously coming to a head. Looks like Joseph's about to blow! I’m guessing he's impatient and wants to find out what's in the will. I think you do a great job of painting in details of the characters here. I can really picture them.

It's no surprise when Joseph gets drunk at dinner. He seems the ah... emotional sort, shall we say? ;) At least he seems less aggressive when he's drunk. Val really doesn't fit in this family in 1 key way. They seem obsessed with money. She understands it's not the most important thing in the world. I'm not surprised she eventually makes her excuses and retires.

Hmmm I wonder what secrets the journal and the ancient coin hold. Interesting hints at the end of the chapter of secret hiding place. Will Val find such a place, I wonder?

Oops I just saw how long this comment's getting. I guess I better stop before it grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :)

I think you have a great story here, filled with mystery and tension. Your descriptions are well done, and really paint pictures of what's going on. And the dialogue is believable and feels real. I especially like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. At the end of each section, I want to read on and find out what new developments your story has in store.

I've rated your book as highly as possible, and hope you get noticed by an agent. I think there's a real audience out there for your work.

Best of luck,

Pete

i like how the story slowly built up but still kept u in suspense. i am not much of a reader but from what i did read i enjoyed. i loved the detail in the book almost makes u think u are there.

subway_man
Andrew

How totally wonderful you are, Georgette!! :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have gold ******-rated your book :) - hope you've ****** 'd mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

Georgette,
I read up through chapter 9. I feel pleasantly strung along with this story. Very well done. You also handle first person narrative, dialogue and character development extremely well. I can now offer you what I'd imagined from my first read--6 stars! Brava. There's a very special Georgette in my novel. Would love your comments, if you can.
Cheers!
John Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Georgette,
Val is immediately likeable. I enjoy your crisp, clear prose. The premise drew me to read your work--good pitch. But, I'm fading in the wee hours. So, WL'd to come back to. Looks promising.
Cheers!
JBCampbell (Walk to Paradise Garden, historical fiction)

Your narrator has a very interesting voice here; puts me in mind of the Brontes or Jane Austen, sort of an old-fashioned cadence to her speech but then we have that she's a computer technician (which, by the way, is nothing like a typist, is it?!?). Really it's quite interesting. What I will say about your narrator, however, is that sometimes she intrudes too much. Try to watch over-describing everything she's thinking. For instance, at the start of Chapter 1, where you say "the most massive airplane I had ever seen"--the voice has already been sufficiently established in the preface, so "a massive airplane" would be fine. There are over-shares here and there, where it slows the pace a bit. But overall, it flows. Lose the ' in Medusa's--it's plural, not possessive, and take out "literally" at the end of the preface. Never, ever use that word! Just my opinion :-). I love the beginning of this, the story that promises a journey, a great change, and adventure. This seems like a sophisticated type of mystery, maybe a cozy mystery? Really enjoyed it, needs a bit of polish but a great start.

---Mary
The Qualtiies of Wood

Go Georgette!

Georgette you are AMAZING!!!! I have great confidence that you will get your book published and become FAMOUS!!
Love,
Hannah Reeves

It feels like a real incident. The heroine in your novel Velerie Hansen, is a rare character. It proves your skill in characterization, because the characterization process becomes perfect only when conveying all emotions to that character. You succeed in it.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

CASTLE OF THE SHIMMERING SANDS
DearGeorgette,
This is simply lovely and I remember when I read and backed it some time back. You have masses of drama and intense intrigue in your book. It moves with a timely pace, lots of excellent descriptions and everything appears in a light-hearted and easy fashion, which makes for an easy read. Lots of possibilities are drawn throughout your chapters which kept me captivated and wondering.
Very well done
Faith
The Assassins Village

Wonderful line: 'Mother always said (...) but deep inside I know how plain I was.' Your protagonist has a clear, endearing, no-nonsence kind of tone about her, evident immediately. The only thing I'd say is I'm not so sure about the very first paragraph as it did not seem quite as stong as the next.
best wishes with it
Karen

Georgette, I loved reading your book - pure pleasure. I find through your words, intrigue, suspense and lots of drama within a well paced action. There is no wastage of words - you use just the right words to build the wonderful imagery and yet these were perfectly suited to describe the storyline - I am sorry, I am a visual person therefore words that I read must be able to build a moving imagery in order for me to get the meaning. Backed. Hanyxxx

What? That's all? You can't leave us all here (Chap 13) with JR Fikuart!!! Actually, I know a JR Fikuart, he's a real person, a pharmacist in SE Iowa. I'll tell him to read your book, he'll like it. Got you backed, baby girl. (You are a girl, aren't you? No pseudonym, right?) Great comments received. Want to see this published too. NOW FINISH IT !! AND START THE NEXT !! And when I submit mine, "The Janitor Went 'Ape'", I'll let you know!!

Lots of drama & intrigue in your book which moved at a timely pace with lots of descriptions presented in a light-hearted & easy to read fashion. You cleverly weave lots of possibilities into your chapters which certainly kept me captivated & wondering which paths you would follow & how you would develop the threads. I am sure your book will do well & should certainly appeal to a wide audience. It is refreshingly different & I was more than happy to write this comment & show my support of your work. Best wishes - Paula Barrett (Cuthbert: How mean is my valley?)

The Castle of the Shimmering Sands is a cleverly constructed tale that allows the narrator to tell it like she sees; with no false modesty but also with dry acerbic wit. Sharply defined prose with no rough edges allows the plot to develop at the optimum pace facilitating the pleasure of a good read. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

I reached Ch 4 without encountering a throbbing member or a wet pussy...is this really chick-lit? Entertaining in a dizzy-blonde kind of way...good luck!
Stewart

lovely written story that has believable characters and a vivd setting, one to watch

Castle of the Shimmering Sands - There is an old world feel to this book or there is in the chapters I read. The author injects plenty of mystery into her telling but the pace is slowed by descriptions of the ancestral pile and of characters which, in my opinion could be placed elsewhere with the exception of obnoxious Uncle Joseph.
I liked the conversational tone Val uses to speak to the reader. I found it strange that solicitor Cookson wishing to validate her identity feed her the information, this didn't ring true. Val meeting Luke (purportedly a chef) in the kitchen who turned out to be the mysterious stranger she had noticed staring at her on the plane could have been exploited more and increased the both the mystery and tension building, but his all too ready confession I felt, was premature and contrived. Val finding Uncle Joseph was inspired and this is surely the hook that will keep readers turning pages.

Child - Atramnentus Speaks

A very entertaining read. Would love to finish it, but time is my enemy. Backed with pleasure.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

like you time is the greatest enemy; had intended to only read enough to get the feel of your "Twisted" but found myself caught up in the suspense! Wonderful story, I have backed it happily! Geo

My very first impression to the preface was: skip the first paragraph. the second stands out and is a brilliant start (according to me). Second impression: make your work even more powerful by deleting all unnecessary adjectives, see if you can do without them. You have a really nice and accessible style which will attract many readers. Good story too! Just keep polishing (as we all have to). Best of luck Hannah

Good book to read. I finished it. And I can't wait to see the next Chapters! When will you finish it? I really got caught up in the story!!!

--Precious ♥

A very entertaining read. Would love to finish it, but time is my enemy. Backed with pleasure.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

Have read and enjoyed the first 6 chaps. I like its simplicity in as much you leave out things like the frustrations of airports.The mystery of the beautiful clothes chosen with perfect taste is soon revealed and Uncle Joe's death is a hook. Shelved, Regards, Anne

Read you preface and it flows well and sounds like an intriguing story

Could go down many paths so could make for a great story

I will try to read more and if i do will be sure to leave a comment or two

Matt

Hello! I read the first couple of chapters of Castle of the Shimmering Sands and I am very much enjoying it. I really like your main character; her sense of humor and the way she describes her observations is very endearing. I love the gothic feel of your story as well, and I am anxious to find out how this mystery is solved. Your writing style has me hooked, and I will be back to read more when I have time. Great job!

Akemi Maruyama
The Black Diamond

Castle of the Shimmering Sands

Georgette Overton

An "heiress and a potential murder victim" would go well together to describe Valerie, or anyone else who was an heiress. Makes one wonder whether newfound wealth is really worth it! Looking forward to her meeting family members in California. Great plot and the writing is very readable. Will be back for more when I can find some additional time to spare. Good luck with it.

Tight writing, and an enjoyable read. I think you made the right choice telling this story in the first-person because it draws me in as a reader.

Patricia
Super-Nature Heroes

Thank you for backing my book; I have read part of yours and while spiritual-type reading is not my thing, I have backed yours for the time being. Wish you success, Geo

HI GEORGETTE ' CASTLE OF SHIMMERS'

SIZE MATTERS ? LIKE the way six foot valerie as she enters the cabin of the pland spots a like kind, that enormous man and then lookd around for other six footers. humourus indeed and a delightful rea, having just scan read the first few chapters, the book has great premise in it's genre and will do well and attract the younger readers '
backed
tom bye ;' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'
please back mine if you llike it thanks

Fascinating putting a modern girl into the world and English life of times gone by, rather like the Princess movies, but with more depth and mystery. Your main character is a hoot and I'm anxious to read more about her adventures.

Oh my gosh, I love your main character! I got pulled into this right away, you really get caught up in what is happening. The writing style is so good too, I didn't stumble over anything or have to reread parts. It's what I would buy in a bookstore to waste a day away. Not that your book is a waste, it's fun, quirky, and hard to put down.

Missy
Mark of Eternity