Book Jacket

 

rank 2215
word count 22173
date submitted 05.10.2010
date updated 25.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Shadows Offend

DI Adkins

A boy becomes lost and subject to capricious faerie cruelty. He escapes only to see another of his family trapped in the same way.

 

A young boy, Donal, in a country district finds life lonely in a busy family of older siblings. He wanders and makes friends with an old faerie court. He becomes enchanted by Puck and joins the band.

But they have plans to revenge themselves upon him for all they feel they have lost to mankind. They make him mad and cast him away. He is befriended by others that have suffered in their own way and starts to rebuild a life for himself.

As time moved on another young girl Deborah, suffers from the same loneliness and is also befriended Puck and by the court. She is not as easily trapped because she is outside of the laws of magic.

The court seeks to take magic for themsleves. They are not as alone as they thought. Soon there will be war.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

, faerie, oberon, puck, titania

on 1 watchlists

14 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Paddles up wrote 546 days ago

Sorry, but I find your writing awkward and repetitious. In addition, the tone is so somber and serious that I can't bring myself to read past the first page. Grammar is appalling!

yasmin esack wrote 591 days ago

You have written an excellent story. It is facinating and the theme and setting appealing. I am very pleased to support this.

best
The Mind setter

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 593 days ago

I even love the title. There is very little to add to the other comments about this charming work, well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

GK Stritch wrote 594 days ago

Dear DI Adkins,

Sometimes I wander about this site in places that are way out of my league and stumble upon a book that I wouldn’t usually pick up. What is popular in the outside world (the Harry P’s and the vampires) hold little interest for me. Just as I have discovered, many readers don’t like memoir (my genre), so after that introduction, allow me to say that I was pleasantly surprised by Shadows Offend. It is written with a great deal of thought and it has the feel of classic literature. Nicely done, Ms. Adkins, and backed and all best wishes.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

15DIA wrote 594 days ago

There is a certain soothing, lyrical quality to your writing which makes for pleasant reading...that's the good news! However, a general edit seems to me to be essential to tidy up the rather obvious flaws in the text. I also would give some serious consideration to changing the faerie names: Titania, Puck, Oberon sound a bit familiar! Anyway it's a promising start so backed!
Cheers
Stewart



Thanks Stewart - yes my own copy edit needs work. As for Puck et al - they are there because of the Shakespeare connection that becomes more obvious later on.

name falied moderation wrote 594 days ago

Dear DI
the whole point of htis site is to put your baby up and get feedback, as far as grammar and punctuation is concerned, I am not qualified to give feedback, for me the site is about more, it is about the read. your book is a good read, original, animated characters pop they are so lifelike , CONGRATS. hey a good edit will come when you get your publisher
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
Denise
The Letter
please take time to comment and back my book if you feel so, if not that is OK also thank you and the VERY best of luck

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 596 days ago

There is a certain soothing, lyrical quality to your writing which makes for pleasant reading...that's the good news! However, a general edit seems to me to be essential to tidy up the rather obvious flaws in the text. I also would give some serious consideration to changing the faerie names: Titania, Puck, Oberon sound a bit familiar! Anyway it's a promising start so backed!
Cheers
Stewart

JMCornwell wrote 596 days ago

Consider rewriting. This is not clear and needs editing.

Donal, a young boy who lives in a country district, finds life lonely. He is the youngest of a large family. (state how large) While wandering one day, he makes stumbles upon an old faerie court. Puck enchants him and Donal joins the faerie band. Puck and the faeries plan to use Donal for revenge to make up for all they have lost to Mankind. Puck makes him mad and casts him out.

Just a suggestion. Keep it simple. Tell your story. Hit the highlights and be clear. Who befriends Donal and why? How have these people suffered? Do they cure Donal's madness? Too many questions and not enough information. How is Deborah outside the laws of magic if she lives in the same time and place?

You have a fascinating story to tell. Make the pitch as interesting as the book itself.

Good luck with your book.

JMC
Among Women

SusieGulick wrote 596 days ago

Dear DI, I love the ending that we are not to give up :) - since I have lupus & am so sick, I am tempted to, but keep on keeping on. :) Your pitch enticed me to read your story & your tight dialogue & paragraphs kept me reading to see what would happen next. :) Hope you'll write a lot of stories. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

lizjrnm wrote 596 days ago

What a wonderful imagination! This is a gritty and clever story that compells the reader to keep reading. backed 100%

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Jack Hughes wrote 597 days ago

Very impressive. Literary and classical inspiration, some very beautiful writing and a great sense of wonder and intrigue. This is in keeping with the old traditions of storytelling and is an intelligently devised and elegantly crafted story.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

Neville wrote 597 days ago

Lovely story you have here Di.
When I first started reading I wondered whether your story was set in Ireland or not as some of the words were unfamiliar to me. Then your name said it all.
Your little characters are great and you have good description throughout.
I think your book will do quite well in the market and back it. SHELVED.

Could you take a look at my 1st book THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST and back it if you think worthy.

Kind regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest - Series)

Andrew Burans wrote 597 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created most memorable main characters in Donal, Puck and Catkin. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your fantasy a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

SusieGulick wrote 597 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 2 hours later :)

1