Book Jacket

 

rank 5467
word count 22202
date submitted 10.10.2010
date updated 11.10.2010
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

To Touch the Sun

Morgan Scott

When you can barely save yourself, how do you save the ones you love?

 

For twenty-five years, River Foster watched as his people fought for a voice in the world that had been forced upon them. His ancestors had known four hundred years of war, genocide, and upheaval. His family had seen prejudices, poverty, and the loss of a mother and father. His own brother, marred by a childhood of abuse at the hands of racist foster parents, knew only distrust for non-natives and hatred for whites. For twenty-five years, River had lived in a world that had forsaken them.


For twenty-two years, Quincy Dawes had watched as the realities of life conflicted with the perfections of literature. Life wasn’t a Jane Austen novel, it was a Greek tragedy. Fathers left their daughters and no one was ever rescued from their misery. Being an adult meant having no money and a shitty job. For twenty-two years, Quincy had wanted to run while having no where to go.


“Everyone needs a reason to live. It’s the thing that keeps us going; it’s the bigger picture. If it’s not there to ground us, we’re left with nothing. We become wanderers, the lost ones.”

 
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tags

indian, maine, native american, native rights, passamaquoddy, reclamation, romance

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14 comments

 

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Pamela Wootton wrote 592 days ago

To touch the sun is a well written story and I believe I can well see it at the top of the pile and beyound. Well narrated and good strong believable dialogue. It is fasinating to read and will come back for more at a later date. Besides the good edit that we all require for our books on this site, I can't see anything else that is wrong with this writing. So it is backed by me.
Good luck with your writing career.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

Andrew Burans wrote 591 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Quincy. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to convey his thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

eurodan49 wrote 590 days ago

A well thought and executed piece of wordsmithing…wish I had your talent.

Neville wrote 562 days ago

An excellent story here, well crafted and obvious care taken. A good strong character in River Foster, the voice is loud and clear. I hope to read more later, but what I have read says it all. - Great stuff!
I have RATED your book.

regards,

Neville THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - THE TIME ZONE.

Marita A. Hansen wrote 565 days ago

I had time for four chapters and enjoyed the read. I think the best aspects of your story are the characters. They are draw cards. The two main ones, Quincy and River, are very likeable, and the rest of your cast/crew all appear realistic, from the annoying Ashley to the amusing Gabbie, and so forth. I also liked reading about what happens on a cruise ship as well as the Indian dance.

I have taken down notes, and I hope they are useful.

Chapter 1:
Typo: Finally, she stirred. Ashley looked up at me and my resolved faltered. *Should be: resolve.
-The description of the uniform could be condensed a little.
-...and I sometimes wondered if I’d remember my own birthday when the time came. *Cut off: when the time came. It’s not needed.
**I liked Gabbie’s comment about her having done it for less than berries.

Chapter 2:
A very good chapter with the housekeeping capers, the talk over the tents, guys, etc.

Chapter 3:
-“What do you think? Too big for my face?”
She held the small, turquoise ovals up to one side of her face, eying my reaction. They were beautiful with the natural tan of her face and I nodded in approval.
Suggestion for what’s above. “Face” has been mentioned three times within close proximity to each other
Maybe have:
“What do you think? Too big for my face?”
She held the turquoise ovals up to her ears, eyeing my reaction. They looked beautiful next to her natural tan so I nodded in approval.
(I took out “small” because it contradicts her question as to whether they are too big.)
-I would work just long enough to buy my freedom, and I’d be damned if I spend any of that money on a necklace. *Maybe change “spend” to “spent.”
-I hadn’t taken more than two steps when I heard the drums. At first, it was a single man singing, accompanied by the rising beats of many drums. I walked over to where the crowd was forming and I edged myself into the front of the bodies.
In actuality, there was no more than a single drum, encircled by about ten men who all beat the drum in time with one another. The singing man was suddenly joined by all the men around the drum, and I jumped at the sudden spike in volume.
**Above are your two paragraphs. Below is my suggestion/slight adjustment:
I hadn’t taken more than two steps when I heard the drums. A man started singing, accompanied by the rising beats. I edged through the gathering crowd to the front.
I was surprised to see that there was only a single drum, encircled by about ten men who beat it in time with one another. I jumped at the sudden spike in volume as all the drummers joined in with the singing.
-Your paragraph: Within seconds of making cursory glances, my attention was absorbed by three of the younger dancers. One of the men was the youngest of the group that I had first noticed. He wore tan leggings and a red breechcloth to his knees.
Suggestion: Within seconds my attention was absorbed by three of the younger dancers. The youngest of the group wore tan leggings and a red breechcloth to his knees.
-In regards to the description of all the dancer’s outfits I’d suggest trimming it a little. For example you could take out the line mentioning the last dancer’s leggings since they’re the same as the others.
**I liked your description of how English Majors dress ... a schizophrenic mix of the girl-next-door and a fountain shop patron.
-I smiled and thanked him, using the opportunity to inventory just who had started speaking to me.
Suggestion: I smiled and thanked him, using the opportunity to look him over. *Or something else.
**BY THE WAY I LIKE RIVER A LOT-excellent description of him as well as his cheeky personality.

Chapter 4:
When River comes in (on the ship) it goes straight into dialogue. I think there needs to be a description of Quincy’s reaction to seeing him again (since it isn’t expected). You could have her reacting surprised or possibly some other response/thoughts that shows she’s happy to see him again, since he’s really attractive.
-There’s a break of two paragraphs then Quincy says this: “Wow, that’s really nice of you.” I think it needs to have a dialogue tag due to the paragraphs above. “Wow, that’s really nice of you,” Quincy said.

I would definitely like to read on and find out about how Quincy's and River's relationship progresses. All the best, Marita.

Jed Oliver wrote 569 days ago

Very interesting and well written. The opening scenes made me think the author had actually experienced working aboard a cruise ship. Very convincing. I wish you the very best luck with this! Regards, Jedward (Knut)

Bob Avey wrote 575 days ago

It's on the shelf.

Bocri wrote 579 days ago

To Touch The Sun, a strong positive title, has a serious premise. The prose that follows is eloquent and graphic. There is a strong story line that is sure to hold the reader's interest. One weakness might be the dichotomy in the earnestness of the plotline and the less substantial nature of the narration and dialogue. However, rich with potential. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

missyfleming_22 wrote 584 days ago

I really liked this, it kinda took me by surprise. I love your characters, especially River. It's easy to see that things won't be exactly easy for them but I'm invested in their story now. I came into this fully expecting to give you a constructive comment, but I didn't find anything to critisize! Maybe you get a little wordy in your descriptions but that's all. If what you're doing is YA then I think it would work as is but if you're not marketing this towards younger readers, most might get lost at the very detailed descriptions. You're a great writer, I think you can find a way to describe River in one paragraph instead of two. And to be honest, I'm reaching with that piece of advice because like I said, it's fine the way it is. I want to read more so this will stay on the watchlist for a while. (Almost reminds me of a Sarah Dessen book)

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Benjamin Dancer wrote 586 days ago

I went to ch 13--took it as a number others might avoid. The dialogue pulled me in and made me curious about the rest of the story.

I didn't find any melodrama or sappiness--so you can rest easy there--but I have a few things to say about the dialogue: I'll leave that in your messages.

Eveleen wrote 587 days ago

To touch the sun
Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

morgan33 wrote 589 days ago

Hi Craig,
Thanks so much for the help, I really appreciate it! You're completely right and I hadn't caught the omission before, so thanks two-fold! Good luck with your book and I look forward to seeing more from you around the site, cheers.
- Morgan

Well done. Good narrative and dialogue throughout. Took some time for me to figure out your MC was on a ship. Might be something you could introduce sooner. I was confused (as I often am) by the opening.

Still, once I got into your story I was hooked :-).

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Craig Ellis wrote 590 days ago

Well done. Good narrative and dialogue throughout. Took some time for me to figure out your MC was on a ship. Might be something you could introduce sooner. I was confused (as I often am) by the opening.

Still, once I got into your story I was hooked :-).

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

eurodan49 wrote 590 days ago

A well thought and executed piece of wordsmithing…wish I had your talent.

yasmin esack wrote 590 days ago

Immensely stirring and stimulating read


Backed for sure
the mind setter

Andrew Burans wrote 591 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Quincy. I also like your use of the first person narrative voice as this allows you to convey his thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Pamela Wootton wrote 592 days ago

To touch the sun is a well written story and I believe I can well see it at the top of the pile and beyound. Well narrated and good strong believable dialogue. It is fasinating to read and will come back for more at a later date. Besides the good edit that we all require for our books on this site, I can't see anything else that is wrong with this writing. So it is backed by me.
Good luck with your writing career.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

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