Pilgrimage

Thanks Anthony. I appreciate all feedback. Steven Orlowski

I think I might enjoy this. Only read the first chapter so far, but as a researcher of the unexplained myself, I can see which direction it's going. Good interplay with the characters, too.

I think I might enjoy this. Only read the first chapter so far, but as a researcher of the unexplained myself, I can see which direction it's going. Good interplay with the characters, too.

Awesome Jay. Thanks. I'll be sure to check yours out.

Hi Steven,

The short pitch and synopsis have been carefully drawn and is enough to entice any reader. the characterization of Johnny Riverbank, Dr and daughter and the lesser ones like Christian and Randy are all cleverly done and we know we are in for a gripping tale and awesome climax. the writing style is racy at times but sometimes too descriptive - I wonder whether it is a deliberate ploy, but i was hooked and have no complaints.
The dialogue is short but to the point, paragraphs short too and that raised the pace.
all said, this is one book which will climb up the charts faster than most others.
For my part I have showered stars over it and placed it on my WL, soon to be backed.
All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Hi Steven,

The short pitch and synopsis have been carefully drawn and is enough to entice any reader. the characterization of Johnny Riverbank, Dr and daughter and the lesser ones like Christian and Randy are all cleverly done and we know we are in for a gripping tale and awesome climax. the writing style is racy at times but sometimes too descriptive - I wonder whether it is a deliberate ploy, but i was hooked and have no complaints.
The dialogue is short but to the point, paragraphs short too and that raised the pace.
all said, this is one book which will climb up the charts faster than most others.
For my part I have showered stars over it and placed it on my WL, soon to be backed.
All the best.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

Thanks for the commentary Matt. It is greatly appreciated. I will certainly check yours out. Steven Orlowski

I like your style, Steven; probably because it's so similar to mine but also because you can write. You understand how to hook the reader's attention, how to juxtapose (nicely) short chapters that do not apparently go together in order to make the reader an active participant in the story and how to use words economically in order to draw characters and to develop the plot. These skills are mostly absent in what I have read so far on Authonomy.

You might like to take a look at my book, "Sick" which I have just uploaded. The subject matter is wildly different but the style will be one that you recognise.

Ta for a good read.

Cheers, Matt Stephens

I like your style, Steven; probably because it's so similar to mine but also because you can write. You understand how to hook the reader's attention, how to juxtapose (nicely) short chapters that do not apparently go together in order to make the reader an active participant in the story and how to use words economically in order to draw characters and to develop the plot. These skills are mostly absent in what I have read so far on Authonomy.

You might like to take a look at my book, "Sick" which I have just uploaded. The subject matter is wildly different but the style will be one that you recognise.

Ta for a good read.

Cheers, Matt Stephens

Thanks Billy.

After reading the first chapter I'm left feeling I've read this before, maybe last year sometime but can't be sure as I have read loads on here. Regardless this does seem better than I remember so will happily try to find space on my shelf for it. :~)

After reading the first chapter I'm left feeling I've read this before, maybe last year sometime but can't be sure as I have read loads on here. Regardless this does seem better than I remember so will happily try to find space on my shelf for it. :~)

Glad you enjoyed it. We get to know Julia a whole lot better later on. Thanks.

Wow. I just burned through the first four chapter. I'm surprised it was this fast paced with the amount of characterization you managed to fit in there. I feel I know the Dr. pretty well, the daughter not as much but there will be time for that.
I like the prologue like first chapter but the terminology for the drug use was a little stiff. I guess you need to balance reality with making sure all your readers know what is going on.

Oh and I like what your doing with the Dr. lack of faith. This sounds like it should be a good novel I'll be following along. I'm particulary interested in your archaeology scenes since I'm an archaeologist.

Wow. I just burned through the first four chapter. I'm surprised it was this fast paced with the amount of characterization you managed to fit in there. I feel I know the Dr. pretty well, the daughter not as much but there will be time for that.
I like the prologue like first chapter but the terminology for the drug use was a little stiff. I guess you need to balance reality with making sure all your readers know what is going on.

Oh and I like what your doing with the Dr. lack of faith. This sounds like it should be a good novel I'll be following along. I'm particulary interested in your archaeology scenes since I'm an archaeologist.

Thanks for the backing. I will check yours out. Steven Orlowski

I backed your thought-provoking book. If you could please take a look at either DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, for your possible backing, your support will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

I backed your thought-provoking book. If you could please take a look at either DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, for your possible backing, your support will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

Thanks for the backing. I will read yours and leave a comment. Steven Orlowski.

I've read a couple more chapters and decided to back your book :)

If you can, please try to take a look at mine and leave a comment. I'm just looking for feedback and criticism at the moment . And good luck, I'm sure your ranking will be moving up soon.

I've read a couple more chapters and decided to back your book :)

If you can, please try to take a look at mine and leave a comment. I'm just looking for feedback and criticism at the moment . And good luck, I'm sure your ranking will be moving up soon.

Awesome. Thanks so much for the comments. Steven Orlowski.

First things first: awesome short pitch! That and taking a look at the first paragraphs were enough for me to add this to my watchlist. I also ended up reading the first two chapters and will check on your book again later.

As others have pointed out before, you draw up some excellent images; however, it seems that you sometimes get a bit carried away and slow the action down a bit. That's just a small note on the the first two chapters. Otherwise, your writing struck me as being at professional level - the beginning just needs a faster pace.

My favorite two lines so far are "His lungs were filled with optimism." and "Two. Ha. Amateurs."

First things first: awesome short pitch! That and taking a look at the first paragraphs were enough for me to add this to my watchlist. I also ended up reading the first two chapters and will check on your book again later.

As others have pointed out before, you draw up some excellent images; however, it seems that you sometimes get a bit carried away and slow the action down a bit. That's just a small note on the the first two chapters. Otherwise, your writing struck me as being at professional level - the beginning just needs a faster pace.

My favorite two lines so far are "His lungs were filled with optimism." and "Two. Ha. Amateurs."

Thanks so much. I love the fact that you read to chapter 14. I'll be sure to return the gesture. Thanks, Steven Orlowski.

Supposedly Abductions happen in CO, but I'm not sure...
Anyway; I'm really liking where this story is going. It's got a climate that expresses the characters as real people, with real issues.
The only issue I have is with chapter 14, starting with ("I know where you're going with this," Johnny said.) I can't tell if he spoke the next sentence or Shipmate. Other than that; dialogue I haven't had any issues. The shorter chapters are short, but still entertaining snippets into the character's lives. I look forward to reading more!

I.J. Davis
'Rise: Crux Precinct Case'

Supposedly Abductions happen in CO, but I'm not sure...
Anyway; I'm really liking where this story is going. It's got a climate that expresses the characters as real people, with real issues.
The only issue I have is with chapter 14, starting with ("I know where you're going with this," Johnny said.) I can't tell if he spoke the next sentence or Shipmate. Other than that; dialogue I haven't had any issues. The shorter chapters are short, but still entertaining snippets into the character's lives. I look forward to reading more!

I.J. Davis
'Rise: Crux Precinct Case'

Thanks Dina. I'll give yours a look. Steven Orlowski/Pilgrimage

Hi-Read 4 chapters and really like your story. Like the abduction, the father-daughter professor team, and Riverbank wanting to discredit himself. Only critique would be chapter 4. You write several paragraphs about the professor's drinking problem. That could be condensed. Otherwise, it's a page turner!
Dina of Halo of the Damned and 33

Hi-Read 4 chapters and really like your story. Like the abduction, the father-daughter professor team, and Riverbank wanting to discredit himself. Only critique would be chapter 4. You write several paragraphs about the professor's drinking problem. That could be condensed. Otherwise, it's a page turner!
Dina of Halo of the Damned and 33

The imagery in the opening scene is vivid and drops me right into the middle of the NM desert. That said, you can tighten up the grammar/punctuation a bit.

For example, you're missing "a" in "and year's worth of dirt."

Likewise, in the next sentence, rather than a vague reference to the "owner" you should name him. Naming him also allows you to improve the overall structure of the sentence. You could write something like, "For Hubba, it was a badge of honor that reflected his commitment to the off-road lifestyle."

Hyphenate "shoulder-length"

Also consider breaking the last sentence of that same paragraph into two sentences or otherwise tinker with it to improve the flow. To that end, I'm not sure the reference to their age is important (at least not yet) and we already know there are three of them. As written, these details bog the sentence down. Consider starting the sentence with " Wind blew through their shoulder-length hair . . ." Then replace the "and" with "as."

The "fleeting freedom" is a nice sentiment and nice alliteration, but it pulls the reader away from the scene and it's unnatural if we're going to experience the scene from the characters' point of view. In other words, they may be reveling in fleeting freedom, but they're probably not thinking deeply about reveling in fleeting freedom, right?

I like the second paragraph a lot (and I think it would allow you to eliminate the marijuana reference from the first paragraph). That said, I don't think you clench a joint between your teeth. Not only would it mess the joint up, but you wouldn't be able to inhale any smoke. Maybe he pressed it between his lips?

Also, I realize that slang changes meaning from place to place and time to time, but around me, jones doesn't mean what you used it to mean. Rather, "jones" used as a verb has a craving, junkie-like connotation (e.g., I'm jonesing for a Big Mac; I'm jonesing for a cigarette). "bogart" is a verb people use to talk about hogging a joint. Again, maybe it's a regional thing. Lastly, cheeks don't puff out when you inhale, they suck in. So the imagery of the squirrel is vibrant, but it seems inaccurate.

Notwithstanding these details, the scene is very believable and comes alive with all of the strong imagery and dialogue. Good luck with this.

Brian,

Thanks for the support and specific criticism. I agree with the Dr. Shipmate confusion which is why I generally refer to Dr. Julia Shipmate as Julia. I suppose calling Dr. Jonathan Shipmate just Jonathan may help. I've put yours on my watchlist and will comment after I've read a sufficient amount.

Steve

Hi Steven,

I read through your first four chapters. It is an interesting opening, and now by the fourth chapter I can see how the novel will progress somewhat. The interviews Julia has arranged will likely lead to an expansion of the story. You write well and the dialogue I thought was spot on. Each character has a distinctive voice and a growing list of attributes as I got to know them.

I tend to disagree with other reviewers re the first chapter, though I agree you might look to shortening it and making it more concise. At the commencment of Chapter 4 you start with `Dr Shipmate' (this i sthe same way 3 started) - but in previous chapter we learned the Dr also has a daughter who is called Dr Shipmate. To an extent I found it annoying that this character was continued to be refered to as Dr Shipmate - I though as he dines with his daughter his full name or first name might be used instead of the Dr. This would bring him closer to the reader.

Apart from that a great read. I will put it on my watchlist and read more if I can. I have ranked it.

If you get an opportunity I would appreciate you having a look at my novel Future Crime.

All the best

Brian

Hi Steven,

I read through your first four chapters. It is an interesting opening, and now by the fourth chapter I can see how the novel will progress somewhat. The interviews Julia has arranged will likely lead to an expansion of the story. You write well and the dialogue I thought was spot on. Each character has a distinctive voice and a growing list of attributes as I got to know them.

I tend to disagree with other reviewers re the first chapter, though I agree you might look to shortening it and making it more concise. At the commencment of Chapter 4 you start with `Dr Shipmate' (this i sthe same way 3 started) - but in previous chapter we learned the Dr also has a daughter who is called Dr Shipmate. To an extent I found it annoying that this character was continued to be refered to as Dr Shipmate - I though as he dines with his daughter his full name or first name might be used instead of the Dr. This would bring him closer to the reader.

Apart from that a great read. I will put it on my watchlist and read more if I can. I have ranked it.

If you get an opportunity I would appreciate you having a look at my novel Future Crime.

All the best

Brian

Brian, thanks for the honest criticism. Steve

You have a great idea. I feel you could get off to a better start.

Chapter 1 is a nice set up, but it moves too slowly in the beginning when you are describing them getting high and not much else is going on. There are only so many ways to say they are passing around a joint. Get to the point of action faster.

Chapter 2 isn't necessary. You can skip ahead to Chapter 3 with him in the classroom and the reader misses nothing. The professor character is interesting, but if he's going to be the lead, he should have some likable qualities that surface earlier in the story.

This has potential, so I will back it.

Brian
Mute

You have a great idea. I feel you could get off to a better start.

Chapter 1 is a nice set up, but it moves too slowly in the beginning when you are describing them getting high and not much else is going on. There are only so many ways to say they are passing around a joint. Get to the point of action faster.

Chapter 2 isn't necessary. You can skip ahead to Chapter 3 with him in the classroom and the reader misses nothing. The professor character is interesting, but if he's going to be the lead, he should have some likable qualities that surface earlier in the story.

This has potential, so I will back it.

Brian
Mute

Owen, I've not really been attending to Authonomy and just read your comments from 115 days ago. Thanks. Greatly appreciated. I will check out your work. Steve

No shit, but I love this, Love the subject but the way you thread all the separate stories and characters and weave them all around your story which I absolutely adore, you use religion without offending anyone and ask questions that are viable and make the reader think, cracking stuff

Thanks so much Maria. I appreciate honest feedback. I'll be sure to check out yours. Steve

Dear Steven,
You got my attention with your book. Oh yes, my favourite genre. I'm up to chapter 6 but unfortunately have to put it down , for now.
I have given it well deserved ******, and hope to put it on my shelf as soon as there's a shuffle.
Best of luck.
Maria

Dear Steven,
You got my attention with your book. Oh yes, my favourite genre. I'm up to chapter 6 but unfortunately have to put it down , for now.
I have given it well deserved ******, and hope to put it on my shelf as soon as there's a shuffle.
Best of luck.
Maria

Thanks Stephen.

I read the first 3 chapters and found an original, well-written story. I loved the minutiae, the fine detail that adds so much and makes the writing come alive. I will read more when time allows. Backed with pleasure.

I read the first 3 chapters and found an original, well-written story. I loved the minutiae, the fine detail that adds so much and makes the writing come alive. I will read more when time allows. Backed with pleasure.

Thanks Rachael.

I read the first 4 chapters and found it captivating. I love your characters and the way you get right into the story, with short snappy chapters. A great idea and intriguing plot.
Backed with pleasure
Rachael
Dreamscape

I read the first 4 chapters and found it captivating. I love your characters and the way you get right into the story, with short snappy chapters. A great idea and intriguing plot.
Backed with pleasure
Rachael
Dreamscape

No shit, but I love this, Love the subject but the way you thread all the separate stories and characters and weave them all around your story which I absolutely adore, you use religion without offending anyone and ask questions that are viable and make the reader think, cracking stuff

Wow. Awesome. Thanks Elijah.

Dear Steven,

You have weaved into the esoteric realm with great skill and craftmanship, and equivocally brought this thought provoking tale into the world of reality. I love stories that deal with the abstract, with well gourded word usage, philosophical. I was attacted first by the cover concept, second by the pitch. Very good and interesting storyline, well written. Detailed description, smooth flowing dialogue and well developed characters. It seemed like motion pictures to me. This great work deserved publication because like a prophet, you have tuned into what is about to happen, and it's now happening. Backed for style, authentic voice and descriptive prowess. All best.

Elijah E. Yamslaw (Victims of African Wealth)

Dear Steven,

You have weaved into the esoteric realm with great skill and craftmanship, and equivocally brought this thought provoking tale into the world of reality. I love stories that deal with the abstract, with well gourded word usage, philosophical. I was attacted first by the cover concept, second by the pitch. Very good and interesting storyline, well written. Detailed description, smooth flowing dialogue and well developed characters. It seemed like motion pictures to me. This great work deserved publication because like a prophet, you have tuned into what is about to happen, and it's now happening. Backed for style, authentic voice and descriptive prowess. All best.

Elijah E. Yamslaw (Victims of African Wealth)

Thanks so much Andrew.

Some deep thinking and philosophical openings to be dealt with as themes here and some excellent writing to carry it all.

BACKED with pleasure

Some deep thinking and philosophical openings to be dealt with as themes here and some excellent writing to carry it all.

BACKED with pleasure

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks, Steve.

Dear Steven,
I was instantly attracted by your pitch, and read your opening chapter. I think your command of dialog is excellent - it was hilarious, looking for Johnny who wasn't there and then was. With all the dudes high or confused, it was a silly scene, especially when the wheel turned the jeep back around. Something strange is up! but they haven't a clue. Really great!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Dear Steven,
I was instantly attracted by your pitch, and read your opening chapter. I think your command of dialog is excellent - it was hilarious, looking for Johnny who wasn't there and then was. With all the dudes high or confused, it was a silly scene, especially when the wheel turned the jeep back around. Something strange is up! but they haven't a clue. Really great!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Thanks Kristen. I am flattered. Please read more, I think you will enjoy it. I will also read yours. Thanks, Steve.

Pilgrmge - Hi Steven. I really took to this. Your writing is good, I was there in the Jeep with those men. Unlike JD I knew exactly where everyone was sitting (unless you have updated something since that comment). I thought your writing was a fine example of 'show don't tell' with the long hair blowing in the wind rather than the men had long hair. I read 3 chapters and would have continued but for time. This is definitely something I would pick up if I was looking for something to read.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man
Shattered Dreams

Pilgrmge - Hi Steven. I really took to this. Your writing is good, I was there in the Jeep with those men. Unlike JD I knew exactly where everyone was sitting (unless you have updated something since that comment). I thought your writing was a fine example of 'show don't tell' with the long hair blowing in the wind rather than the men had long hair. I read 3 chapters and would have continued but for time. This is definitely something I would pick up if I was looking for something to read.
Kristen Stone
Kianda Mala - The Monkey Man
Shattered Dreams

JD, thanks for the insightful comments. It's nice to hear from, and get backed by, someone who actually read the chapters. Much appreciated. I will read yours as well. Steve.

Steven,

Interesting pitch. By the way, I did wonder if there was a word missing from the first sentnece of the long version:

and [has] a deleterious passion for drink?

Anyway, into the work proper. Chapter one is well done, love the ending. The only concern I had early was trying to place the three characters in the vehicle, working out who was who and where they were sat. It never was entirely clear to me, but didn't spoil the overall enjoyment.

Chapter two gives immediate insight into Dr Shipmate, but I had trouble with the beginning. As the chapter started with an unidentified 'he' I initially assumed it was the last guy mentioned in chapter one . . . took a paragraph or two to realise that wasn't the case.

Chapter three, brings the strands together and, for me, is the best so far.

Backed.

Steven,

Interesting pitch. By the way, I did wonder if there was a word missing from the first sentnece of the long version:

and [has] a deleterious passion for drink?

Anyway, into the work proper. Chapter one is well done, love the ending. The only concern I had early was trying to place the three characters in the vehicle, working out who was who and where they were sat. It never was entirely clear to me, but didn't spoil the overall enjoyment.

Chapter two gives immediate insight into Dr Shipmate, but I had trouble with the beginning. As the chapter started with an unidentified 'he' I initially assumed it was the last guy mentioned in chapter one . . . took a paragraph or two to realise that wasn't the case.

Chapter three, brings the strands together and, for me, is the best so far.

Backed.

Thanks Angus. They say write what you know...but no, I've never been abducted (as far as I know) either. As for your pitch: a hash head with a sidekick named Eight Ball? I must read and will comment. Thanks. Steve.

I'm a hash head of old so the weed drew me in. I can't swear to have never been abducted, apart from that time I woke up in Burnley, but I can see where it might happen. This is an interesting and fresh take on the alien mystery and a refreshing one at that. Good luck with it...Backed with pleasure.

Angus Shoor Caan.

I'm a hash head of old so the weed drew me in. I can't swear to have never been abducted, apart from that time I woke up in Burnley, but I can see where it might happen. This is an interesting and fresh take on the alien mystery and a refreshing one at that. Good luck with it...Backed with pleasure.

Angus Shoor Caan.

Haven't been on the site for a while. Thanks Mike.

clever plot and well written.
Backed.
Mike (the compulsive adventurer)

clever plot and well written.
Backed.
Mike (the compulsive adventurer)

Thanks Tom.

Captivated by the premise. A thriller I have place on my list to continue reading.

Captivated by the premise. A thriller I have place on my list to continue reading.

Thanks Jason. I'll definitely check yours out.

I just finished watching The Fourth Kind and was really in the mood for an abduction thriller. This hit the spot perfectly. Backed.

Jason
Gateway to the World of Light and Shadow