Trusting In Love

I think the premise of this is really good; the story of an abused woman learning to love again. This is the kind of book I would read because it has a strong protagonist - any woman who leaves an abusive man is strong in character. It also has conflict in that she will struggle with trusting and loving another man.

That being said these still needs a considerable amount of work before it could be marketable.

You have spelling and grammar mistakes throughout this, as well as problems with your formatting.

"Your" is referring to something that belongs to someone, whereas "You're" is an abbreviation of "you are". This mistake occurs in the first line, and although an editor is likely to overlook the odd typo, it is extremely discouraging to find one so soon into the chapter.

You need to take a new paragraph every time a person speaks, this avoids confusing the reader and making them struggle to decipher who is saying what.

You need to put some kind of distinguishable spacer between scenes as you are shifting from first person to third. It is recommended in novels that, when writing about the same person, who stay within a single tense. First person works well, as you can idenify with the plight of this woman.

When talking about yourself and someone else it is always "she and I" - eg "Tasha and I" and not "me and Tasha."

Also instead of making the chapter so dialogue driven, you might want to incorporate more inner monologue as the private thoughts of a character can say a lot more than their dialogue can.

I hope you will continue with this and rework the structure. ")

Good luck,
Rea

There are so many women, or men for that matter, throughout the world suffering from nightmares of very abusive relationships. And I think you addressed the issue very well. Your writing is engaging, well paced, exciting.
I would enjoy your dialogue even more if it is in easier format
Very best wishes, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

YOU DID AN EXCELLENT; I LOVE IT AND CAN'T WAIT UNTIL IT COMES OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! HURRY UP PLEASE!!!!!!!

good writing...easy to read. flowing pace...l shall put this on my watchlist...
read SEASONS....

First thing first. You need to reformat your work. Make sure dialogue starts a a new (indented) line and new line every time you change character.
I like dialogue heavy stories…they move at a faster pace but it’s hard to follow who’s taking.
Your narration’s okay, though more “showing” (action on the character’s part) would help.
Character development (you could use internal dialogue to help reader understand what’s going through character’s mind) could make your work stand out.
A stronger voice (both narrator and characters) would also help.
Good luck with finding an agent/publisher.
Dan
PS. Could you please check mine? Comment/backing will be appreciated.

I see that some of the comments below have already addressed the format and starting dialogue in a new line so I'll skip that! The story itself and your writing is strong, the characters interesting. Just makes it a tiny bit hard to read as is. But the book is good, it's an interesting story and once you get this formatted right and edited, it's going to be much better. If you have any more questions about anything, feel free to ask. I like what I was able to read and it can only get better from there!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Wanda, your storyline is good, but your layout of the prose is wrong.
each new item of dialogue must start on a new line, and have the occasional'he said'or 'she answerted' etc. It's hard to reaf and understand when it all runs together.
Punctuation and the formal aspect of the book page is important.
look at a book by Tess Geritson or Cathy Reichs and see how the experts present.
I back it for the potential of the plot and story.
Kind regards
Euphemus (Flawless Murder)

I can't help with the romance side and the erotica makes me blush but you have my backing based on the writing skill.

BACKED

Hi,

First off, I suggest you not use your short pitch to try to talk directly to HC Collins. Use it to get readers interested in your book.

Second, I looked at your first chapter and was immediately confused. Your dialogue is all one big chunk when it needs to be broken up to give at least a little indication of who is talking. You don't need to say 'he said', 'she said', every time, but at least start a new line when the speaker changes. And you do need to introduce the people talking at some point.

I think you need some editing on this - one thing I noticed was you use the word 'know' incorrectly several times. When someone "knows" something you don't need to place an apostrophe in front of the 's'. It might have been a typo, but within your first couple paragraphs you used the word 'know' when it should have been 'no'.

Hope this helps.

Regards,

:)
Sherry

You are totally fantastic, Wanda. :) Thank you for backing my memoirs book. :) God bless you super abundantly more than you ever dreamt of imagined (Ephesians 3:20). I've already read, backed, & commented on your book before your re-did it. :) Did you change something? :) Love, Susie :)

:) comment to follow - so happy to see that you put your book back on. :) You will help a lot of people who have been mistreated, so it's great that you're sharing :) - abuse is NOT acceptable. God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)