The Master of Burley Hall

MASTER OF BURLEY HALL
This is an intriguing story. I like the way the book is really two stories in one: a present one and an eighteenth century one. You’ve obviously done some historical research in order to describe 18th century living so well and it shows in the detail you’re able to add to your descriptions of the mansion and in your characters. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

hullo Luanne. I think you must mean 'bridle path'. Good read. LLL

THE MASTER OF BURLEY HALL-Luanne Peers
hullo Luanne. Welcome to my shelf for a good read. Please return the favor!
Already shelved and backed and starred.
Please take a look at my book and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Your pitch is intriguing. Have added your book to my watchlist and plan to read very soon. All the best.

Interesting, but needing organization. It deserves more than one chapter. Obviously, the beginning is a catch. I will also take time to run it through spell and grammar check -- but I think we can have something worthy here.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Hi Luanne, A very intriguing happening. I think it needs to be broken into chapters as I have had to start several times as I had to stop and start never the less its a page turner especially when dealing with a lovely lady and an interesting paranormal murder, suicide etc. I wish you well and I back the story. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

The master of Burley hall
The story is engaging, I like paranomal stories.
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

I'm not reading for mistakes although as others have said, corrections are needed as with all our work.
However, the most important thing is the story and this one is short as it is, certainly captures its given genre.
Lots of potential here and maybe a thought it could become part of a longer work. Whatever, enjoyed it and happy to back. Margaret.

You've constructed an engaging historical paranormal tale. The characters shine and have depth. The insightful narrative glows. Vivid atmospheric settings. Superb pacing. Strong structure. Agile writing. A captivating read. Backed.

Backed Master of Burley Hall. Good beginning with the wife dying and leaving a mystery to be unraveled with her last words. When you have time we suggest proofing and doing a little editing.

Example:
1.And as she did she became more physically demonstrative. Needs a comma- Some of the longer paragraphs try to break up into
2.Also we feel it would be a smoother read if you broke up the longer paragraphs making them two shorter paragraphs.

CC Brown
Dark Side

I like your idea of using two time periods. It has been done before but is always intriguing - the what if idea? captures the imagination. Add a murder and danger to the protagonists and bingo! Good luck with the book and your position in the chart. I am new to the site.
Anna writing as Cate

The Master of Burley Hall

Luanne Peers

(Your pitches need a little editing - eg, "your" should be "you're" and "mets" should be "meets"?)

This is a great plotline. I like it a lot - gives a sense of mystery, adventure, the supernatural, and in fact has given me goose pimples! Turns out to be a horror too with Louisa eventually found dead with her head in a pool of blood on the hard slate and marble tiles. This is very imaginative. Is it part of a collection of stories? (By the way, maybe you had some formatting problems, but there are words runnung into each other after commas without any spaces between them. Also, ninth line from the bottom, "lit" should be "light", and some of your sentences within quotation marks do not begin with capital letters - which has to be corrected. No big deal but just thought you might like to know.) Good luck with your writing. Enjoyed it very much.

Hi Luanne...liking your story. Visual, good style that flows well. Nice structure, your sentences move effortlessly and logically. Nice!

blessings
jim
jack & charmian london

Looks interesting. Added The Master of Burley Hall our watchlist.
CC Brown
Dark Side

you have a good writing for this genre, touching and creeepy;- l shall put this on my watchlist,,,
read SEASONS...

This is a wonderful piece, I can't fault it. My only observation is how short it is - is it part of a series of short stories?

backed

Rob

GET LENIN

Thoroughly enjoyed your book. Backed.
Laurence Winchester,
The Cross of Goa

Nice neat blend of ghost story and romance--perfect for a for Halloween read. Two suggestions: change "bridal path" to "bridle path" (unless you're working a pun) and change "exercise" to "exorcise." Backed.
Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Luanne, just a couple of thoughts - two small slips in your pitch, the pitch needs to be faultless - 'Think your going crazy?' and 'the pull she feels towords Henley.' Should be 'you're going crazy' and 'towards Henley.' I'd also suggest rewording your pitches to avoid the repetition of your short pitch at the start of the long pitch.
A cleverly composed short story, well written with strong imagery and descriptive passages to savour. I'm backing this.
Jake.

Not my usual genre but the descriptions and writing was fantastic

A real way with words.

Good luck on the site

Matt

Best wishes for The Master of Burley Hall, Backed with pleasure
Diane
Good Blood

Luanne,
I enjoyed reading your exquisite descriptions in The Master of Burley Hall. You swept me away to another time and place which is what I love so much about historicals. Backed with pleasure.

Full of intrigue and imagination done with talented writing. Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Your writing is very light and easy going to read. The paragraphs are a little long but that may be where I was reading on an iPod. There are some missing apostrophes and a couple of other grammar issues, but that's just me being pedantic. I very much enjoyed reading; this is definitely one for the watchlist.

I alway enjoy these novels with a time twist, or where there is an overlapping of historical periods. Yours does not disappoint. You have crafted a great book here, and I like the supernatural edge. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Dear Luanne, I love the intriugue of your story & was totally shocked at the ending - what a twist. :) Great write!! :) Your pitch prepared me for the time difference & the ghost was intriguing - I should have known. :) Dialogue & paragraphs were crisp, so it made for a quick read. :) Was glad it was all in one chapter so that I didn't have to keep waiting for pages to come up. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

I like the idea of your story but found the style at times rather laboured and contrived...it's probably due to overlengthy sentences and awkward structure which slows everything to walking pace. Some judicious editing would help a great deal to polish this...backed for its potential!
Stewart

I just love ghosts. I have backed your good book with hopes to read more when I have the time. Beth Anne

Great writing and descritions of Burley Hall.


Backed for sure
The Mind Setter

A lovely short, romantic story. I can see this interesting magazines - it's just about the right length for them. There are a few things you may want to tidy up before you submit this to any journals. Dialogue- each new speaker should be given a new line. Some punctuation needs looking at, in particular possessive apostrophes. "horses hooves" should this be 'horse's hooves', likewise "horses reins"? One sentence contains "Her Henley", probably a typo for "her Henley". Hope this helps
Backed for it's interest to magazine pulishers
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

You have written a very interesting and unique short story, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Louisa. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing and suprise ending makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

THE MASTER of BURLEY HALL
Interesting short story, simply good. The story strikes like a bullet in the opening itself. The end is poignant. If Sun rays didn't take away Henley, did Henley take away Louisa? Backed.

" Now look hear miss..." You mean, here? Suns rays or Sun's rays?
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

THE MASTERS OF BURLEY HALL.
This is an intriguing piece and quite exciting once the reader gets into it. One nit - too large paragraphs with good but masses of description. Please can you try and break this up with more easy to read dialogue - make it more even.
Overall though this does seem to be a good solid story and I have backed this.
Please can you take a look at my novel when you get a chance? Thank you and best wishes
Fiath
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Good, solid story. Your narration is a little heavy on “telling,” some “showing” will go a long way to draw the reader. The dialogue paragraphs are too lengthy…suggest you break them down with characters doing something (shrug, drink, smoke…you get the idea).
You need to format your work. Break the lengthy paragraphs, new lines (indented) for dialogue and when changing speakers…you know the drill.
I did enjoy your voice and I’m backing it.
Good luck.
Dan
PS. Could you please look at mine? Comment/backing will be appreciated.

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 9 hours ago :)