Forever Love

Hi Deborah,

I've just joined the Romance Crit group and yours is the second book i'm reveiwing so far.



Well. Scorching sizzle with a side-order of damned sexy! I think if i were reading this by the pool i might get redder quicker than anticipated! I've read up to and including chapter 6 and these are my thoughts on Forever Love:



1. Pitches - Found your short pitch spot on for me and the long pitch succintly gave me the crux of the story so it did the job of making me want to read the MS

2. Plot - She's once bitten, twice shy and he's fallen for a 'real' girl of his dreams who doesn't believe him. Certainly a different kind of plot and more direct love story than what i'm used to reading which means i found the plot refreshing and it carried me on to read more than just a couple of chapters. I also like the cougar angle, i've yet to read a well written love story with older woman/younger man so this is particularly intriguing.

3. Pacing - The pacing was great. Kudos especially for the prologue which was just excellent. I completely got the measure of Quinn there and it was nice to identify with him first, but then he is to my mind, much more romantic and mecurial even than the female MC whose job it is to be so, traditionally. Again the fact that i continued reading to the end of chpt 6 is also because the chapters are well paced.

4. Grammar and Spelling -i didn't see any glaring mistakes and unfortunately, your storytelling kept me too much into the story to notice if there were any! (apologies now, if you read mine it will have UK spelling of words!)

5. Dialogue - good, believable dialogue. Lots of instances where Show, Don't tell just drips off the pages. Even the minor characters felt above 2-dimensional when in dialogue. There was just one area that didn't quite ring true which i'll expand on in characterisation. As for the sexy dialogues - they were excellent foreplay between both characters.

6. Your voice is modern, sassy, wysiwyg (what you see is what you get) yet at the same time you infuse your MC's with sensitivity which make them such likeable characters. I felt you really knew your characters very well so there was no need to add too much 'writing about them' and allowed them to come through via their dialogue.

7. Characterisation: It goes without saying that Quinn is an absolute stud-muffin and Davi a self-deprecating, lovely woman. I thought as the chapters moved on that her character really developed and i could understand where she was coming from and her need for self-protection. As for Quinn, he was written in a manly way, yet with touches of the effeminate that he easily wore because he is so comfortable in his own skin ie. conversing with his mother - not what i expected of a hardened (literally!) heartthrob! I did have one qualm and because the story's plot hinges so strongly on it I just needed a little more lead up to believe it. Yes. You guessed it. The moment he says 'i love you'. I don't know any more about Quinn's desires except that he has a daydream lover - a perfect woman for him. But i felt like i was missing why he considered Davi the embodiment of his desire. He didn't come across to me as a 'heart on my sleeve' type guy (which would come across foolish and not the actions of a grounded man who knows what he wants), so if there were some thoughts perhaps, of his viewpoint during the meal or before it that give me a sense of how and why this stranger is affecting him so strongly and even a little gamut of emotion - perhaps fear at the realisation that she's important to him. Ideas he needs to reconcile in himself whether it be in a nano-second or in the hours since he saw her on the plane. Then when he said those words i would get a sense of his real conviction with them, they would ring true for me. I realise we may find out later why she is the embodiment of his dream girl - but all i know about the dream woman at this point is that she's sexy as fuck for him but nothing else, so i'm trying to understand what he's basing his 'i love you' on. It could be just me Deborah, but i felt if i had that tiny piece of the puzzle then the next phase of the love story will flow true to each character as i read it.

I'd just like to say that your sex scene was really well written. I can write sensual but sexual is not yet something i've even tried to master yet so bravo! So do let me know your secret? Is it lots of practice (writing that is!) or are you just gifted in that deparment (look, i give up trying to stop the double entendres - you know what i'm trying to say :-) ) It felt completely natural and totally in keeping with these two characters. Im highly rating this and putting it on my watchlist to rotate onto my bookshelf as well as to come back to reading. I think this one will do really well!

Very well done!


Kind Regards

Maria :-)

I read your first three chapters. You need to work on some technical things (such as dialogue punctuation) but you NAILED voice. Love love love these characters, and love the concept with the tarot cards. Quinn was awesome, and you really placed us in the characters shoes very well. And especially what I loved is your great balance of scene and summary--something I myself struggle with and can but admire in other writers. Well done and good luck with this!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

This is pure entertainment & really well written. This would work just as well on the big screen as in print & I feel would appeal to a wide audience. Best wishes - Paula Barrett (Cuthbert: How mean is my valley?)

This is a little different twist on the everyday person/movie star love story. I like your characters, I love Quinn, he seems more likable than the usual Hollywood stereotype character. Your narrative voice is great, it makes it fun and easy to read. You've given us a believable romance and I really like what I've read so far. it's got a ton of potential and I'm not the only one who will think so.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

This is a well-conceived, well written contemporary romance. You get right to business in your first chapter where you introduce Quinn. Your writing is easy to assimilate and you pacing is spot on for this genre. Stunning depth and detail. Only one nit: Capitalize 'internet.' Other than that, this is top notch writing. A seductive read. Backed.

Forever Young is romance and chick-lit with a difference. The fifteen or so years age difference and the fact that Quinn wants more and Davi is weary gives the story an interesting slant. After their first night together it is Davi stating that it was ' a great fantasy for me. I'm not expecting anything else from you.' And it is Quinn stating 'What about what I expect? What I want?' The writer has created likeable characters whom the reader cares about and the writing flows extremely well encouraging the reader to continue.
Highly starred by me and placed on my bookshelf.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

I'm no expert on writing but I do love a good romance...oh and tarot cards (mom has to read this one) so I've given this book plenty of stars and will shelve it!
Way to go.
Always J

Hi Deb

Sorry for the extreme wait, but I’m back. I remember you asked me to take another look at this as you re-wrote it. Definitely liking this version!

The new intro with Quinn works very well. It’s much more sexy than I remember and I loved the conversation with his mum, she’s a character in her own right. I can’t remember the old version that well, but I’m sure it started with Davina? Doesn’t matter, this version has engaged me straight away. The banter between Davina and Quinn on the plane is good, I don’t remember it being quite so back and forth in the last version, but I like it.

I did find it hard to believe that he’d never heard the name Davina before, but only because it’s quite a common name here in the UK. I like your style of writing. Davina and Quinn seem to be on heat from the start but it’s never vulgar. It’s sexy and sensual and the fact that the dialogue breaks it up well works.

I have to say, reading on, he comes across as being reeeeeeally clingy. Personally, I’d be screaming at him to leave me alone, he’s very heavy on the love stuff after such a short space of time. I’d have ‘stalker alert’ running through my head, but that IS just me. I’m a bit weird, I know. That said, this is all very whirlwind and I’ beginning to think it’s a little bit too unbelievable and rushed. Don’t get me wrong, I love Davi and adore Quinn. But they’ve only known each other a few days...

Chapter 9 – I’d have been a little less worried about her ovulating than the fact he’d sleep raped her. The idea of her knowing the outcome felt a bit strange...I know it only takes one time but still...when she tells Maggie she thinks she’s pregnant, it just seems a bit unrealistic. Biologically she wouldn’t be pregnant that quickly anyway (I think), so some slight re-wording might help to make it a bit more believable. When she tells Maggie it was the sweetest love making, I didn’t buy that, given that at the time it didn’t read that way. Understandable she’d bend the truth when speaking to her friend but that should come across I think.

Overall, I liked this. It feels a bit rushed in places where I’d like to see it slow down and explore the topic in hand a bit. Also, some slight repetition with phrases, but in terms of the writing itself, very good I thought. I hate reading when there’s typos/grammatical errors etc so this was a great read. Very sizzling read, can’t believe it’s not flying up the charts...

Hi Deborah,

I've just joined the Romance Crit group and yours is the second book i'm reveiwing so far.



Well. Scorching sizzle with a side-order of damned sexy! I think if i were reading this by the pool i might get redder quicker than anticipated! I've read up to and including chapter 6 and these are my thoughts on Forever Love:



1. Pitches - Found your short pitch spot on for me and the long pitch succintly gave me the crux of the story so it did the job of making me want to read the MS

2. Plot - She's once bitten, twice shy and he's fallen for a 'real' girl of his dreams who doesn't believe him. Certainly a different kind of plot and more direct love story than what i'm used to reading which means i found the plot refreshing and it carried me on to read more than just a couple of chapters. I also like the cougar angle, i've yet to read a well written love story with older woman/younger man so this is particularly intriguing.

3. Pacing - The pacing was great. Kudos especially for the prologue which was just excellent. I completely got the measure of Quinn there and it was nice to identify with him first, but then he is to my mind, much more romantic and mecurial even than the female MC whose job it is to be so, traditionally. Again the fact that i continued reading to the end of chpt 6 is also because the chapters are well paced.

4. Grammar and Spelling -i didn't see any glaring mistakes and unfortunately, your storytelling kept me too much into the story to notice if there were any! (apologies now, if you read mine it will have UK spelling of words!)

5. Dialogue - good, believable dialogue. Lots of instances where Show, Don't tell just drips off the pages. Even the minor characters felt above 2-dimensional when in dialogue. There was just one area that didn't quite ring true which i'll expand on in characterisation. As for the sexy dialogues - they were excellent foreplay between both characters.

6. Your voice is modern, sassy, wysiwyg (what you see is what you get) yet at the same time you infuse your MC's with sensitivity which make them such likeable characters. I felt you really knew your characters very well so there was no need to add too much 'writing about them' and allowed them to come through via their dialogue.

7. Characterisation: It goes without saying that Quinn is an absolute stud-muffin and Davi a self-deprecating, lovely woman. I thought as the chapters moved on that her character really developed and i could understand where she was coming from and her need for self-protection. As for Quinn, he was written in a manly way, yet with touches of the effeminate that he easily wore because he is so comfortable in his own skin ie. conversing with his mother - not what i expected of a hardened (literally!) heartthrob! I did have one qualm and because the story's plot hinges so strongly on it I just needed a little more lead up to believe it. Yes. You guessed it. The moment he says 'i love you'. I don't know any more about Quinn's desires except that he has a daydream lover - a perfect woman for him. But i felt like i was missing why he considered Davi the embodiment of his desire. He didn't come across to me as a 'heart on my sleeve' type guy (which would come across foolish and not the actions of a grounded man who knows what he wants), so if there were some thoughts perhaps, of his viewpoint during the meal or before it that give me a sense of how and why this stranger is affecting him so strongly and even a little gamut of emotion - perhaps fear at the realisation that she's important to him. Ideas he needs to reconcile in himself whether it be in a nano-second or in the hours since he saw her on the plane. Then when he said those words i would get a sense of his real conviction with them, they would ring true for me. I realise we may find out later why she is the embodiment of his dream girl - but all i know about the dream woman at this point is that she's sexy as fuck for him but nothing else, so i'm trying to understand what he's basing his 'i love you' on. It could be just me Deborah, but i felt if i had that tiny piece of the puzzle then the next phase of the love story will flow true to each character as i read it.

I'd just like to say that your sex scene was really well written. I can write sensual but sexual is not yet something i've even tried to master yet so bravo! So do let me know your secret? Is it lots of practice (writing that is!) or are you just gifted in that deparment (look, i give up trying to stop the double entendres - you know what i'm trying to say :-) ) It felt completely natural and totally in keeping with these two characters. Im highly rating this and putting it on my watchlist to rotate onto my bookshelf as well as to come back to reading. I think this one will do really well!

Very well done!


Kind Regards

Maria :-)

Hello Deborah-

book- Forever Love-

from time to time I ramble into chick-lit to learn more about this writing business-
glad i did-
have to say for starters- the cover is suitable and certainly for the romantics-

soon got wrapped up in Quinn's thoughts as he sits in the back of the taxi while his friends
has sex with a woman , not his wife, i might add.
Interesting his change after having a fantasy with his girl friend from afar, that he immediately turns
to a fellow passenger Davina, and actually ,suggesting,
that he would like to join the club.
turned the page to read more, but alas - the site showed that no further chapters available-
will have to come back at a later stage-
the book itself i found moves along at a nice sedate pace for easy reading, and i fell the premise
is there for this book to reach the top-

good luck, there is a big market for chick-lit - it will do well-

tom bye
book-from hugs to kisses-
oblige please and glance at mine Deborah, thanks

FOREVER LOVE
I opened this book because I related to your pitch; I met my husband on a plane. He’s a good guy but not a movie star, so the resemblance ends there. I like the way you’re able to flesh out Quinn and give him substance as a responsible guy even tho he’s living in this super shallow Hollywood world. Made me keep reading to learn more about him. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hi! Here's my review:
The pitches drew me in; I felt this was going to be an exciting and sexy romance, which it is!

I think your target audience particularly like glamour, and there is plenty of that! I like the plot, but for me personally I prefer there to be a little more build-up to romance than this offers. I like the tension to build more gradually whereas this jumps right into bed in the first weekend after just meeting on the plane. And he is already saying he's in love with her! I'd rather that it slips out much later, perhaps when she has rejected him.

I also find that at times the dialogue is a bit unnatural and my suspension of disbelief is challenged. Such as on the plane when she tells him she's a widow then he starts hitting on her. Then during that first meal I don't buy into just how much information Quinn has revealed about his feelings so quickly. And, later her meeting with the film producers doesn't feel very real to me.

A little niggly thing in beginning of Ch 3, firstly 'crossed across' doesn't work for me. Quinn is described as wearing a hoodie 'over his forehead, past his eyes' perhaps 'covering his eyes' might be better? And I wanted to see the hood come off during his conversation with Davi- does it? Maybe I missed it, but I remember thinking I'd like to know more about how he looks as I was still seeing the hoodie over his eyes.

I can see this smartening up and becoming just the thing publishers are looking for- big market for steamy sexy chiclit!! I had it on my shelf for a bit!!!

Just had a few minutes so thought I'd take a peek and by end of chapter two I am well hooked! Can't wait to read more and will follow up with a review later in the week. Meanwhile, backing!

A RWCG review

I had previously read the prologue and first four chapters so for this review I read to the end of chapter nine.

Romance crit criteria

Pitch: the pitches sell this as a romance and the story quickly reflects that. It's a whirlwind romance as promised which is quite steamy, but as he appears to have now gotten the girl there is obviously as lot more to the story than the pitches tell.

Plot: From the pitches and the initial chapters that I'd read I thought this would be a story of the chase. I had previously assumed that it would be about the hot-headed, passionate young actor chasing after and trying to win the life-scarred older woman. That first impression has been blown out of the water by the later chapters I've read. Davi's constant desire for protection and events at the end of chapter nine seem to lead to the complication in this romance. I've already said that I like the idea of the younger man chasing the older woman but I think the complication I'm now envisioning will add a whole other dimension to the plot as Davi copes with changes to her life. The only thing I wondered about the plot was how easily Davi reveals her fantasies to Quinn but I understand it's a fantasy situation, something she considers will be a one night stand.

3) Pacing: Moves along at a hot and steamy pace and no issues for me.

4) Spelling/Grammar: I didn't note any errors.

5) Dialogue: For the most part it feels natural and was always easy to follow.

6) Voice/Style: I don't think this has the feel of chick lit that I'm accustomed to reading but it sits very comfortably in romance and you've written a story that works well as a modern romance with the complications of life today. I think you've found distinct voices for your characters.

ive read the first six chapters and i really, really like that the "traditional" roles are reversed. the guy is the one wanting love this time instead of just wanting sex like most other books ive seen. with that said, i think theres a bunch of things you could do to make this even better.

first off, i found your main character a little confusing. she seems like she has multiple personalities and im not really sure who she is. i get the feeling that she still misses her husband a lot when she says she misses him, but then she goes and has sex with quinn. she talks about how she wants to stop things with him yet she keeps begging for more. she seems conservative till shes with quinn- then she just seems a little immature when she teases him about ot kissing and telling, which is repeated a lot. i think youve got two pesonalities here- a conservative mother and then like a best friend type of mother who acts younger than her age. i like both of these personalities but i think you need to pick one.

i like your character quinn. hes very likable. but i feel that sometimes when hes talking, he sounds a little unrealistic. he seems to be very in touch with his feelings and i dont think most guys would be. he also seems very grounded considering hes famous and all, but since he does seem this humble, i think you need to show that a little bit more because you make him out to be a big shot because of all the girls hes apparently hooking up with.

i think your description is spot on and i like that this is in third person. i really love your short pitch. its impossible to resist. i found that your long pitch seemed to make things a little predictable in your writing though. i would consider making your long pitch not so blunt.

i really like how you describe things. i can almost imagine myself being there. please, dont take this as a harsh review because i really did like this story. just a few nit picks that could help do your book justice.

will be reading more because i truly am enjoying this novel.

hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

you fuse narrative and dialogue very well...narrative is very descriptive and does a great job. this coupled with your dialogue, which has great flow and brings your book to life with perfect effect...6 stars******
read SEASONS...

RWCG Critique


1) Pitch: I really like your short pitch. It's communicates clearly that this is a romance. The long pitch is alright, but I don't think it communicates effectively. Apparently Quinn has been dreaming about Davina for years without ever having met her, but you don't mention this at all. I'd rewrite it more with that as the focus, and then you can introduce Davina's misgivings with the idea as the conflict that needs to be overcome.
2) Plot: I really like it-- famous actor meets small town girl has been done before, but I like that she's an author hitting it big. I have to say that you're stepping outside of the box by making her 15 years older, and traditional romance publishers may have something to say about that, but who knows?
3) Pacing: I've got nothing to say about that. The pace is just fine to me.
4) Spelling/Grammar: I had these all written down, but I seem to have misplaced my piece of paper. Here's what I remember:

'hard on' should be spelled 'hard-on'

'The movie rights were purchased and now it was going to be made into a movie'. This reads a little redundantly-- I'd write 'film rights' instead.

There really wasn't a whole lot, though, in the five chapters I did read. :)

5) Dialogue: For the most part your dialogue seems fine, but there were certain points where I cringed. For example, when Davina tells Quinn she's widowed, it seems unnatural to me that rather than at least offer his condolences he moves straight on to trying to pick her up. That comes off as insenstive and almost sleazy to me, and I'm surprised Davina didn't think so. I know that she's trying to move on and perhaps might be sick of hearing condolences regarding her husband, but generally when someone tells you they've lost their spouse you don't say, 'hey baby, I'm your replacement!'-- even if you know they've been fantasizing about you. LOL.

Also, it seems a little far-fetched that she would blurt out her desire to have hot and heavy sex with him moments after meeting him. I know you're trying to move the relationship along, but it just doesn't seem realistic to me.

6) Voice/Style: Your voice is great; no problems there. The only thing I might say is that I wish we could see Quinn's POV more, but I understand if you don't feel comfortable bouncing back and forth between POVs-- and I don't know that this is a voice issue anyway.

I'm giving this five stars and placing it on my shelf-- I really like your characters and I want to see how their story unfolds. This is great stuff, Deb! :D

Jasmine

Hi Deborah, Clair recommended your MS in the Chick Lit Social Club so came over for a read. I read the prologue and four chapters. I like the pitch. It's not unusual to have a plot where an ordinary someone and a Hollywood heart throb fall in love, but I like the twist of the older woman and the fact that she is denying his proclamations of love. This has been fast paced and quite steamy so far. I didn't notice any glaring errors and found the dialogue and narrative very easy to read. I like the idea of Davi being a strong woman who knows her own mind, what she wants and isn't afraid to take a chance. The pitch tells me she is going to fall for Quinn so I suspect there will also be a vulnerable side to her. You have hooks to get the reader interested in this relationship and the characters and to keep them with you.

The first three chapters I have read were well writen and I love the character Quinn. This is a piece of written art in the making anf look foward to reading more soon:)

Thanks so much.

The first three chapters I have read were well writen and I love the character Quinn. This is a piece of written art in the making anf look foward to reading more soon:)

Deb .. I started to read this the other day and I couldnt put it down, it is a really fanastic read. Polished, moves at a terrific pace and if there was more I'd read that too LOL

Ok so the theme of falling in love with a movie star is a bit of a cliche but by turning it on its head so its the movie star that falls in love at first sight and for an older woman, now that is a damm good twist. Quinn is def not an average movie star, lets face it good looks are one thing, but a man that can cook, well thats a winner in any womans book. Davi on the other hand, is a total contrast to him and a very good one, making her older was a master stroke.

I loved the twist of her not telling Quinn the whle truth of why she was in LA, keeping the guy guessing, but at the same time with him being a movie star, it was inevitable that he would walk into her meeting. It didnt spoil the scene at all.

The sex within this is very real, heartfelt in places, sprinkled with tender moments and is def a part that should be there. Sometimes its overdone and body parts are called by stupid names, but this isn't at all. It totally fits the book, enhances it and reads very well.

I spotted one typo in chapter 12 (autho 13) Youre and idiot - should be youre an idiot I think.

Seriously have you released this as an ebook, I would def buy it tomorrow and prob love every word, its been my guilty pleaseure for a few days and Id love it to continue

Good luck with this x

I checked it out - you can have a blood test taken 6 to 8 days after ovulation. It's not usually done but it can happen.

On Chapter 16 and I have one quibble so far. I wasn't able to know I was pregnant until 3 weeks along, and then it was because I thought something else was wrong with me that I got the test. I've never heard of an accurate pregnancy test in the first week after conception. This seems like an inaccurate timeline. I could be wrong, since I've only had one child...but it seems like the timeline for a pregnancy test is wrong. Enjoying the book otherwise though.
Amy ~First Taste of Love

On Chapter 16 and I have one quibble so far. I wasn't able to know I was pregnant until 3 weeks along, and then it was because I thought something else was wrong with me that I got the test. I've never heard of an accurate pregnancy test in the first week after conception. This seems like an inaccurate timeline. I could be wrong, since I've only had one child...but it seems like the timeline for a pregnancy test is wrong. Enjoying the book otherwise though.
Amy ~First Taste of Love

Okay, finished chapter 4 and if I don't stop here I won't be going to bed until really late. :) Going to keep reading for sure. I think your writing reminds me of a mix of Debbie Macomber and Nora Roberts. Good job!

Amy ~First Taste of Love

~L~ Nevermind. Must have been a glitch. Reading on!

Hmm...where is the rest of this book? I went to read chapter two and seem unable to find it...

I've had this on my shelf for awhile and actually haven't read it. Silly. Well, I just read chapter one and I'm hooked! What woman hasn't fantasized about sitting next to a celebrity on a plane and having him fall desperately in love with her? When I was just 18 I went all alone on a plane to visit my extended family for some much needed vacation time. I sat between one of the members of b4-4 (a group much like N'Sync or Back Street Boys or 98 Degrees but with only three members, a set of twins and their friend) and an olympic hopeful. It was all I could do not to ask for the singer's autograph and when his twin brother and friend came back to chat with him, I quickly fantasized about having one or all of them fall in love with me. :) Years later the twins of that band went on to become RyanDan. So, long story short, I'm going to keep reading your book and hope you get published. :) If you want a romance read, check out my book and if you don't, that's cool too.

Amy~First Taste of Love

I've just read the first chapter as I'm on a train with no wifi so can't get to chapter two, but so far you have me! I met Rob Lowe - he of the blue eyes! - a few weeks ago so I can totally identify with how Davina is feeling, and I want to know what happens next. 
The writing is easy on the eyes - there is a lot of chick lit I can't bear to read, but this definitely doesn't fall into that category. I'd definitely be tempted to take this in holiday to read by a pool!
There are a few things that could do with being tightened, and a couple of repetitions that could probably do with being deleted. For example, I don't think you need to day Quinn Thomas, the Hollywood Heartthrob, becaus a sentence later you say the Hollywood Heartthrob. Also, I think the part about hiding wupould be stronger if younjust said - was he just being comfortable? No. He looks like he's hiding.'a feeling of foreboding' sounded clunky to me, and also 'the chance may never happen' - the chance may never come up maybe? I've just read the first chapter as I'm on a train with no wifi so can't get to chapter two, but so far you have me! I met Rob Lowe - he of the blue eyes! - a few weeks ago so I can totally identify with how Davina is feeling, and I want to know what happens next. 
The writing is easy on the eyes - there is a lot of chick lit I can't bear to read, but this definitely doesn't fall into that category. I'd definitely be tempted to take this in holiday to read by a pool!
There are a few things that could do with being tightened, and a couple of repetitions that could probably do with being deleted. For example, I don't think you need to day Quinn Thomas, the Hollywood Heartthrob, becaus a sentence later you say the Hollywood Heartthrob. Also, I think the part about hiding would be stronger if younjust said - was he just being comfortable? No. He looks like he's hiding.'a feeling of foreboding' sounded clunky to me, and also 'the chance may never happen' - the chance may never come up maybe? 
I also wondered about the paragraph that explains all the backstory - would it perhaps work better to have this info drip fed? She couldn't believe that before this book deal, just... ago, she had been just another person- and now they were making a movie! Something like that, and fill in the details later, once we are in love with the character and story?

Hope that's helpful - please feel free to disregard if not! I hope this continues to climb the charts - it's my kind of escapism and I'd love to hold the paperback in my hands!

Wonderful characters...love the idea of meeting on a plane...makes me believe in the part when you least exspect it love arrives...I like her style. All the best! Julia x

Fantastic hook at the end of chapter one. Great premise for bringing your lovers together--a plane journey. Wondering though why a Hollywood celebrity would sit in the business section.

Patricia

Thanks for liking the hook! Believe it or not - I checked the flight schedule and that particular flight only offered economy and business class. Must be an Air Canada thing. And then there's the matter of it being fate for them to sit together - so business class won over economy.

Fantastic hook at the end of chapter one. Great premise for bringing your lovers together--a plane journey. Wondering though why a Hollywood celebrity would sit in the business section.

Patricia

Deb,

I read up to chapter three, and I absolutely loved it. Such a great premise, I can easily see this on the big screen. Your writing is perfectly suited for the genre, your characters are well drawn out and the dialogue flows well. I also like that you have the perfect chapter length so far as I'm concerned. Wow.

The only things I picked up was some confusion about her books. In chapter 1, you say Second Harvest is about to be made into a film and it's her second novel, but later you say the diary was her first novel and is being filmed. Are they the same book? Then, in chapter 2, we see her working on the second novel...I'm guessing it's not the same one being made into a film?

Other than that, I loved this. And I will read it all, a bit pushed for time at the moment. Six well deserved stars and a backing to come.

Fab

Silva
x

I keep forgetting that's what the airport's called--I know it as Pearson. It doesn't matter...either way... :) Your writing style is wonderful and adds to your voice (I agree with that part of the comment below...you do have a good grasp on voice) You set the stage quickly and and characters come across as natural....my only crit is this use of your characters' names in the begiinning paragraps. I find I do that when I'm having a hard time keeping track of who's who...I would try to re-write it and remove most of the formal names.

Good start! I like this a lot.

Cheers,
Dwayne

Hi :-) I'm not a critic, nor the son of a critic, just a mere scripture who appreciates a good, structured telling. Fun fun read....enjoyed disappearing into your world.

many blessings,
jim

Hi Deborah! Hope this note finds you well! Happily giving your work another tour of my shelf!
:-)
blessings,
jim

Hi Deborah, returning back to your work. Forgive me if I haven't backed it yet. Since the beginning of the year I have hardly been on the site. :-)

Blessings!!!
Jim

Hi Deborah, sorry for delay in backing. :-)

jim

I read your first chapter and was instantly impressed therefore have added you to my watchlist and will continue to read in the next couple of days. A more in depth comment to follow...=)

Hannah
Luckily Unlucky

Highly entertaining read, writing flows easily, dialogue natural (in so far as anyone virtually proposing within the first few hours may be considered natural), pace good and structure straightforward. Characters, as they must be for this genre, attractive and with loads of charm, and the interpersonal relationships spot on. Will star and watchlist Jaye

Great read, entertaining and enjoyable.

Backed and rated,

Lisa

This is a well-conceived, well written contemporary romance. You get right to business in your first chapter where you introduce Quinn. Your writing is easy to assimilate and you pacing is spot on for this genre. Stunning depth and detail. Only one nit: Capitalize 'internet.' Other than that, this is top notch writing. A seductive read. Backed.

I'll read all of this! backed. return the favour if you've time? Carole

Great book for those days we woman have time alone to spend in our own little fantasy world!
Good job!

This is a great book for curling up with on a Sunday afternoon. Your voice is great, your MC is likeable and it is the fairytale-type story that women love to read in order to forget their own everyday stresses.

Backed with pleasure!
Cori

This is a little different twist on the everyday person/movie star love story. I like your characters, I love Quinn, he seems more likable than the usual Hollywood stereotype character. Your narrative voice is great, it makes it fun and easy to read. You've given us a believable romance and I really like what I've read so far. it's got a ton of potential and I'm not the only one who will think so.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Your title is kinda generic.
Nice read.

BigUp.

Thanks for the backing. I realize the title is kinda generic, nothing else came to mind, but it also refers to what the lovers say to each other - perhaps corny, but that's who they are.

Your title is kinda generic.
Nice read.

BigUp.

You have written a very unique novel that is well structured. Tarrant

I read your first three chapters. You need to work on some technical things (such as dialogue punctuation) but you NAILED voice. Love love love these characters, and love the concept with the tarot cards. Quinn was awesome, and you really placed us in the characters shoes very well. And especially what I loved is your great balance of scene and summary--something I myself struggle with and can but admire in other writers. Well done and good luck with this!

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Forever Love

Deborah Armstrong

Not a big Chick Lit/Romance fan, but of course, there is a huge market for good love stories. Davina looks like an interesting heroine, widow raising three children on a farm, catching sight of the famous, younger Quinn as she is about to board the aircraft, and a romance later developing between the two. Nice plot and chapter one read well. Don't know if you meant it to be funny, but the line, "Maybe I'll see him if he heads to the lavatory" was a great one - not very romantic, but then I guess on an aircraft apart from the aisle, and the neighbouring seats, that's about the only other place you could bump into a boyfriend or girlfriend to be. Very entertaining. Good luck with it.

I believe I believe! ::-) In love, romance, and what you've done for the genre. And, since I play in LA and Hollywood, rather close to him. Nice journey. Actually, embarrassed to say, my last comment and backing may not have stuck, which is why I'm commenting and backing again. Problems on my end. :-)

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Maybe you'd be so kind to let me know if I'm way off track on Hollywood and its trappings. I would be very appreciative. - Thanks Deb

I believe I believe! ::-) In love, romance, and what you've done for the genre. And, since I play in LA and Hollywood, rather close to him. Nice journey. Actually, embarrassed to say, my last comment and backing may not have stuck, which is why I'm commenting and backing again. Problems on my end. :-)

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

I truly love your idea. It is a great chick lit story with the simple pursuit of getting boy and girl together. And yet, it is the perfect story to entertain in a light way. I also love the way you brought the glamorous world of Hollywood and a the simple, cut-off jeans styled worlds together to bring the opposites to attract to one another. Well done.

Backed for sure.


Laura
"Jhevalia"

If you would, I would love it if you could take a few moments to look at my YA fantasy novel entitled Jhevalia. Any comments/backing would be greatly appreciated.

HI Deborah, I'm not a critic, just a scriptwriter, however I can spot a good tale, and yours is pretty terrific. Nice read! You do well in your genre, which is my favorite genre.

blessings,
jim
Jack & Charmian London

Deborah,
I love the adventuresome spirit of Davina Stuart in Forever Love. The whirlwind romance she embarks on has plenty of intrigue and I love that she's a best-selling author as it makes many writers wish they were there. Backed with pleasure.