Wisdom (Blue Moon Rising Trilogy #1)

Hi Bonnie,

This is original and, on the whole well-written, though there are a few typos. For instance in chapter one you have 'fare-skinned' instead of 'fair-skinned'.

The prologue is a good read, but why is it a prologue? Many readers skip prologues and this would mean missing some great writing. Could it not simply be chapter one?

I know it is conventional and, alsmost compulsary, to have a prologue in some genres but, as I said, they often go unread.

Ron

Thank you for the feedback. As of right now, I went ahead and published it myself just to start getting it out there. If someone comes along and says they want it then that would be better. So for right now www.WisdomNovels.com is carrying it until I can do something else with it.

i think this is so original and clever. I don't think I've ever read the magic system you use anywhere else. Well done on that. I think coming up with a good magic system that's so unusual is v hard indeed!

You write with real passion, pulling me into your story, and you're not above throwing in shocks to keep me on the edge of my seat. I gasped at what happened to the mum. ;)

I think this is a great YA book that kids in the age cateogory should love. I'm giving this 6 stars right now, and hope you find an agent/publisher. I'd love to see this published!

Best of luck,

Pete

i think this is so original and clever. I don't think I've ever read the magic system you use anywhere else. Well done on that. I think coming up with a good magic system that's so unusual is v hard indeed!

You write with real passion, pulling me into your story, and you're not above throwing in shocks to keep me on the edge of my seat. I gasped at what happened to the mum. ;)

I think this is a great YA book that kids in the age cateogory should love. I'm giving this 6 stars right now, and hope you find an agent/publisher. I'd love to see this published!

Best of luck,

Pete

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm glad you pointed out the word changes (fare vs fair). And I'm glad you think the story is gripping enough to pull the reader in. I've had some very positive feedback on it so far. Thanks for giving it a read!

That's quite a fight between the transformed unicorn and the alchemist. I'm assuming the unicorn agreed to 'the favor' knowing that she was likely to kill the alchemist rather than being killed herself. I'm not sure of everything that happened there, but that's okay if it's explained later.

I like Keith, with his daydreams, and his insect imaginings and his love of nature and his family. The latter is shattered - by what the mother drank? And the father's brother is to blame? Many hints here to act as hooks to draw us in and arouse our curiosity as to who and what the boy is, and how this relates to the alchemist.

This is excellent fantasy, Bonnie, with many much-loved ingredients: unicorns, magic, unexplained gifts... You also have two very strong characters in the boy and the mage, and from the plot, the unicorn sisters will also feature again later. Your writing is impressive too, animated and clear, though there are a few areas where it could be tightened (some suggestions below). I'll give this a high rating, and would like to read it again when you've done a little more editing.

Possible nits: 'A pity the huntsman never knew your true worth...' later - 'The dark-haired alchemist had appeared as if expecting a hunter' - so was there a hunter or not?

'Power bares [bears] a great consequence'. 'before it [the creature] could fully stand' - watch out for 'it' that could apply to more than one of the recently mentioned entities - 'With a toss of it's [the unicorn's] head'. 'an untouched furnishing' - why not just say what it is, e.g. 'an intact dresser/cupboard/chair?

'Letting his mind imagine' -> 'imagining'. 'Stories of distant places...' maybe -> 'It brought to mind stories of distant places that his father often told when he was home from work'. Not sure you need the last sentence of this paragraph.

'fare [fair] -skinned'. 'him coming ... he came ... coming home'. 'freshly shaven face', but hasn't he just arrived home and taken off his coat?

That's quite a fight between the transformed unicorn and the alchemist. I'm assuming the unicorn agreed to 'the favor' knowing that she was likely to kill the alchemist rather than being killed herself. I'm not sure of everything that happened there, but that's okay if it's explained later.

I like Keith, with his daydreams, and his insect imaginings and his love of nature and his family. The latter is shattered - by what the mother drank? And the father's brother is to blame? Many hints here to act as hooks to draw us in and arouse our curiosity as to who and what the boy is, and how this relates to the alchemist.

This is excellent fantasy, Bonnie, with many much-loved ingredients: unicorns, magic, unexplained gifts... You also have two very strong characters in the boy and the mage, and from the plot, the unicorn sisters will also feature again later. Your writing is impressive too, animated and clear, though there are a few areas where it could be tightened (some suggestions below). I'll give this a high rating, and would like to read it again when you've done a little more editing.

Possible nits: 'A pity the huntsman never knew your true worth...' later - 'The dark-haired alchemist had appeared as if expecting a hunter' - so was there a hunter or not?

'Power bares [bears] a great consequence'. 'before it [the creature] could fully stand' - watch out for 'it' that could apply to more than one of the recently mentioned entities - 'With a toss of it's [the unicorn's] head'. 'an untouched furnishing' - why not just say what it is, e.g. 'an intact dresser/cupboard/chair?

'Letting his mind imagine' -> 'imagining'. 'Stories of distant places...' maybe -> 'It brought to mind stories of distant places that his father often told when he was home from work'. Not sure you need the last sentence of this paragraph.

'fare [fair] -skinned'. 'him coming ... he came ... coming home'. 'freshly shaven face', but hasn't he just arrived home and taken off his coat?

I thought the same thing, but it plays a big influence to do this.

just read chapter 10

sniff sniff...I didn't want Medallion to die. But congtats on getting a sad reaction from me. It certainly was real. :D Keep up the good work.

--Shieldmaiden

lol, I like that last comment. Most appreciated. I'll check yours out too.

Hi Bonnie,

Obtaining magic through a unicorn's horn - inspired. Other people's laws of magic are of great interest to me and you've come up with something unique. Your prologue was really intense and I fully hated that illusionist for subjecting that poor beast to such pain for his own personal gain! Then I moved onto the first chapter and was bombarded with a whole 'nother set of emotions - you very cleverly lulled me into a false sense of security by portraying a warm home-coming/birthday-gift-giving scene only to murder the mum! You're a very emotive writer and you do it remarkably well. You have a gift. And you didn't even have to injure animals to get it!

Backed and starred most happily.

Maria.

Hi Bonnie,

Obtaining magic through a unicorn's horn - inspired. Other people's laws of magic are of great interest to me and you've come up with something unique. Your prologue was really intense and I fully hated that illusionist for subjecting that poor beast to such pain for his own personal gain! Then I moved onto the first chapter and was bombarded with a whole 'nother set of emotions - you very cleverly lulled me into a false sense of security by portraying a warm home-coming/birthday-gift-giving scene only to murder the mum! You're a very emotive writer and you do it remarkably well. You have a gift. And you didn't even have to injure animals to get it!

Backed and starred most happily.

Maria.

just read chapter 10

sniff sniff...I didn't want Medallion to die. But congtats on getting a sad reaction from me. It certainly was real. :D Keep up the good work.

--Shieldmaiden

Thank you. I'm checking yours out too.

Shelved and heavily starred. Cheers, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Thank you. I've added yours to check out too.

good writing. good book. good style. dialogue and narrative very effective...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Shelved and heavily starred. Cheers, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

good writing. good book. good style. dialogue and narrative very effective...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

That is so excouraging to hear. Thank you. I'm going to your page to see what you've written, if I haven't seen it yet. Thanks again!

Fantastic read! Your writing style is excellent, easy to follow. This kind of book is sooo enticing to me. I think it's because my imagination when writing does not go in this direction, but I love to be taken there by someone who writes as well as you do. Best of luck. Backed and starred!

Debbie Martin
The Timid Heart

Fantastic read! Your writing style is excellent, easy to follow. This kind of book is sooo enticing to me. I think it's because my imagination when writing does not go in this direction, but I love to be taken there by someone who writes as well as you do. Best of luck. Backed and starred!

Debbie Martin
The Timid Heart

Wow, thank you. You're right. There are lots posted everyday. I'm not on all the time but I do check in to change books around and give support as best I can. Thanks for the feedback. I have hope someone will pick the book up one day.

WISDOM, BLUE MOON RISING.
I wrote a comment on this when I first backed this a month ago. I thought it has a lot of promise and I still do. This is one of the better fantasy books on here - and there are a lot! Good luck with this
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

WISDOM, BLUE MOON RISING.
I wrote a comment on this when I first backed this a month ago. I thought it has a lot of promise and I still do. This is one of the better fantasy books on here - and there are a lot! Good luck with this
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Thank you!

Very enjoyable opening chapter. Beautiful writing style.
Heavilly starred. Best wishes,
M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Very enjoyable opening chapter. Beautiful writing style.
Heavilly starred. Best wishes,
M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Yay. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm probably about ten chapters away from completing the second book. Dum dum dum. I've been playing the piano a lot lately too. My work has a lovely baby grand, so when I'm on break I get a chance to test it, hehe.

I just finished the eighth chapter, and I continue to be pulled into your story. The originality of its creatures and characters are enchanting, and I'm quite taken with Janeiro's castle. I can't wait to read more!

--Shieldmaiden

I just finished the eighth chapter, and I continue to be pulled into your story. The originality of its creatures and characters are enchanting, and I'm quite taken with Janeiro's castle. I can't wait to read more!

--Shieldmaiden

Great opening chapter, with tension revolving around the captured unicorn and its potential. Hard not to feel sorry for the creature! While most of the prologue is narrative, you've broken it up with snippets of dialogue that keep the pace flowing. Well done!

One nitpick: magic-user sounds like a game term. Perhaps you could change the term to "sorcerer" or some like word. Many stars!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

Thank you much!

Dazzlingley original with a pace that put me straight into this compelling story. The characters are believable and well drawn, the dialogue excellent.

Backed and 6 star rated.


Jane

'Breath in the Dark'

Dazzlingley original with a pace that put me straight into this compelling story. The characters are believable and well drawn, the dialogue excellent.

Backed and 6 star rated.


Jane

'Breath in the Dark'

Wow, thanks for the feedback. If I have not already done so, I will check out your story as well. Have a great day!

Hi Bonnie, Just when one thinks they've not encountered any original themes of late because there aren't any, they stumble across your fabulous premise. Then they delve into your work and are thoroughly and pleasantly surprised! We need more Unicorn tales. Beginning your novel was a breath of fresh air. Shelved.
JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Hi Bonnie, Just when one thinks they've not encountered any original themes of late because there aren't any, they stumble across your fabulous premise. Then they delve into your work and are thoroughly and pleasantly surprised! We need more Unicorn tales. Beginning your novel was a breath of fresh air. Shelved.
JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Thank you. I'm interested in what you're working on and will check out your writing. Thanks again.

A compelling fantasy with a great storyline. I love anything related to unicorns so your pitch had me hooked. This is a very well polished tale, with an interesting concept. Happy to back it. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

A compelling fantasy with a great storyline. I love anything related to unicorns so your pitch had me hooked. This is a very well polished tale, with an interesting concept. Happy to back it. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Thank you!

The first thing I noticed about your writing is how vivid it was, the next was that you've got a wonderful narrative voice. Fantasy is a hard genre to stand out in but I feel like you've done that and then some. I'm still a little girl at heart so I was drawn in by the unicorn storyline, the introduction of a black or Dark one is brilliant. I read the first couple chapters thoroughly and skimmed the rest and it looks like your story is developing nicely, it felt consistent. Lovers of this genre will be very satisfied. I'm so glad I took the time to check this out.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

You forgot to mention how "fastidious" everything is, lol. Kidding. Thanks!

A captivating fantasy. Great theme. Colorful, complex characters. Masterful imagery. Realistic banter. Effective world building. Excellent sense of place. Illuminating narrative. Well placed twists. Inventive plot. Surefooted writing. An impressive read. Backed.

Heck yeah!

At last, a grown-up unicorn story! :)
Plenty here to please fans.

A captivating fantasy. Great theme. Colorful, complex characters. Masterful imagery. Realistic banter. Effective world building. Excellent sense of place. Illuminating narrative. Well placed twists. Inventive plot. Surefooted writing. An impressive read. Backed.

At last, a grown-up unicorn story! :)
Plenty here to please fans.

Wisdom (Blue Moon Rising Trilogy #1)

Bonnie Watson

Not my genre of preference but this is well constructed and imaginative. The writing is very good. Happy to have backed it."Both power and knowledge . . . is mine!" - tiny nit here - verb should be "are" (HC ch. one upload, second to last para.)

The first thing I noticed about your writing is how vivid it was, the next was that you've got a wonderful narrative voice. Fantasy is a hard genre to stand out in but I feel like you've done that and then some. I'm still a little girl at heart so I was drawn in by the unicorn storyline, the introduction of a black or Dark one is brilliant. I read the first couple chapters thoroughly and skimmed the rest and it looks like your story is developing nicely, it felt consistent. Lovers of this genre will be very satisfied. I'm so glad I took the time to check this out.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Thank you!

Bonnie,
Your descriptions are exquisite throughout Wisdom. They paint such clear images filled with detail. This work is highly imaginative and Keith's adventures are sure to enchant readers of the fantasy genre. Backed with pleasure.

Bonnie,
Your descriptions are exquisite throughout Wisdom. They paint such clear images filled with detail. This work is highly imaginative and Keith's adventures are sure to enchant readers of the fantasy genre. Backed with pleasure.

Thank you very much. I will check out your writing too.

Wow, your first chapter contains a lot of power and excitement. It starts out innocent enough until the corruption of the illusionist-turned-Mage takes over. Your descriptions pop off the page and it's easy to follow the theme of this fantasy novel, thus far.

I envy your fluid writing and beautifully constructed sentences. These are the moments I most enjoy on Authonomy, when I come across breathtaking prose that also contains substance in the form of a theme, archetype or lesson.

Thank you for posting.

Patricia
Super-Nature Heroes
Encantada

Wow, your first chapter contains a lot of power and excitement. It starts out innocent enough until the corruption of the illusionist-turned-Mage takes over. Your descriptions pop off the page and it's easy to follow the theme of this fantasy novel, thus far.

I envy your fluid writing and beautifully constructed sentences. These are the moments I most enjoy on Authonomy, when I come across breathtaking prose that also contains substance in the form of a theme, archetype or lesson.

Thank you for posting.

Patricia
Super-Nature Heroes
Encantada

Thank you. I will check yours out too.

Fantasy is not my forte. I found your pitch interesting and the few chapters I read have a good flow.
Narration has both the “tell” and “show” and the dialogue sounds read. The story moves along and I like that.
Backed.
Good luck in finding representation.
Dan
PS. Could you pls check mine? Comment/backing will be appreciated.

Fantasy is not my forte. I found your pitch interesting and the few chapters I read have a good flow.
Narration has both the “tell” and “show” and the dialogue sounds read. The story moves along and I like that.
Backed.
Good luck in finding representation.
Dan
PS. Could you pls check mine? Comment/backing will be appreciated.

Someone else asked me that. What was the message in the book? I bascially just had a story to tell about these characters and as I started writing, things started taking its own turn of events. So I won't force in a message if there isn't meant to be one.

Wow! I read eight chapters, I thought the story was so interesting. This is the perfect type of book to take out into the woods and read for the day. It has a wonderful magical voice, leaving the reader eager to discover more. I wish you all the luck with this. Out of curiosity, do you intend an underlining message with the story?

--Shieldmaiden

Bonnie -

Wisdom (Blue Moorn Rising Trilogy) - the scene you evoke in the Illusionist's lair is tense and grips, and the writing flows, making it easy to get into the story. You do mystery and magic well.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Hey Bonnie, the more I read, the more I'm loving you work. Nice!

blessings
jim

Wow! I read eight chapters, I thought the story was so interesting. This is the perfect type of book to take out into the woods and read for the day. It has a wonderful magical voice, leaving the reader eager to discover more. I wish you all the luck with this. Out of curiosity, do you intend an underlining message with the story?

--Shieldmaiden

I started reading and right away I felt sorry for the characters. So you gripped me that way. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's depressing, thinking about it. I'll have to recommend my friend to check this site out too. She had a very similar situation and it might help for exposure too.

You are totally fantastic, Bonnie! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Very well written so much so i found it believeable. Very visual and intriguing.


Backed
the Mind setter

You are totally fantastic, Bonnie! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Haha, try reading author L. E. Modesitte's book "Imager's Challenge" I can't even pronounce those names!

I've backed your book, finding it a very imaginative, flowing story. You have a compelling writing style.

Not having read your blurb before reading your chapters, I was surprised and delighted at finding a unicorn in your story

. I've read 5 chapters, so far and will read the rest tonight. I love the way you handle magic in your story, the only thing I didn't like are all the strange names the humans have. I don't see the need for that.

Wow, you're on 73 bookshelves already. That's amazing.
My book COLD MOON RISING is a thriller. Would love it if you could read my chapters.

Hmmm...sounds more interesting that way, hehe.

unless, of course, you meant that the darkness "fowled" the colour...meaning, made the color the color of a chicken, or any of an assortment of barnyard pheasantry. anyway, it made perfect sense to me, and i'm not easily fooled by tricky words.

blueboy