A Home Called Nowhere

Hi Will (A Home Called Nowhere)
What a well crafted story where all the characters contribute to it and are well rounded. I like this book and am BACKING it. I can only wish you all the best with your writing in the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

I don't have anything new or helpful to say. This is beautifully written, engrossing, and heart-wrenching.

This is beautifully written, it really grabbed me right from the start. I love the present tense too. If I can offer any advice, I'd mention to go through and watch for verbs like 'that', it's amazing how much better your writing can be without certain ones. I got this piece of advice and it helped so much so I thought I'd pass it on. I saw a few. Also, first person gives you such a unique opportunity to 'show' us what the main character sees instead of 'telling' us. You're close but I think you can tighten it up just a bit. I know this is literary fiction so I know it tends to be wordy in a sense so I might be way off on my advice here! I think it's a great story, great setting, and with a few tweaks, it's going to be much stronger. Good luck with it!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Beautifully crafted, engrossing story, told with oil painting-like word pictures. Good job!

You describe landscapes, characters, and circumstances with aplomb. But I think you need to work on transitions between the present and the past because as a reader I got lost a few times. In the first chapter you start out with the family eating breakfast (with delicious food), but end with only the father and daughter eating a burnt breakfast (that he obviously made because the wife was MIA), and this needs some clarity. It's too subtle.

Why is the wife missing? Is the opening section Miguel experiencing a flashback or is the opening section in real time, and what transpired between the happy family breakfast and the more foreboding breakfast that ends the chapter?

I think your novel has potential not only with the ethnic fiction market, but also the Christian fiction one. But think of your readers and whether or not they will be able to follow the story in your head. We don't have the same background information you have on your characters so a little more exposition would prove helpful.

Patricia

Hi. This has good flow, and is easy to read. Just one thing. I read your first chapter before I read the whole pitch. From the chapter, it wasn't clear to me what was reminiscence, and what was real. I wondered why he only wanted to get his daughter out. I re-read parts, to see if I'd missed something (I'm a very fast reader, so it does happen sometimes.) I didn't see anything that really focused me on on the transition between past and present, aside from the one comment about the table. When I read that, I though, perhaps they'd just all left, gone to school or whatever, and he was still sitting. Reading the pitch, it became clear.

JM Miller
Mindbender

Great comment! Thanks, I'll see what I can do on that.

Hi. This has good flow, and is easy to read. Just one thing. I read your first chapter before I read the whole pitch. From the chapter, it wasn't clear to me what was reminiscence, and what was real. I wondered why he only wanted to get his daughter out. I re-read parts, to see if I'd missed something (I'm a very fast reader, so it does happen sometimes.) I didn't see anything that really focused me on on the transition between past and present, aside from the one comment about the table. When I read that, I though, perhaps they'd just all left, gone to school or whatever, and he was still sitting. Reading the pitch, it became clear.

JM Miller
Mindbender

Some suggestions not meant to offend.
I have been told to watch the use of ‘that’ since it slows down the pace. ‘This Lorna told me that the family was poor and that…’ do you really need either of these. I usually read the sentence out loud with an without the ‘that’ and see which sounds best. In the next sentence again several ‘that’s could be removed with a little re-wording. Try to avoid starting sentence with ‘but’ and ‘and’.
‘Not that I’m flattered…’ using ‘that’ is necessary here.
People generally shorten speech – ‘.we will see’ could be ‘ …we’ll see…’ however I see you do this later.

Tony

No offense at all! Great points and worth a complete review of my text. Thanks! Will

You can just see a natural writer; the fluidity of words, creating such a wonderful picture in the reader's mind. Writing in the present tense is an art in itself, and from what i've read you've got a book here, congratulations! Having written myself, I know that this was created with you sitting many hours in front of a computer screen, aching neck, flying fingers across the keyboard... and the good news is that you've succeeded in making it a worth-while read. Well done, will be watching you!
Best wishes,
Patricia
PINK FREUD

PS If you've not commented on mine, I'd appreciate a look?

Chapter 16 Miguel
This is an interesting story with plenty of description and realistic narratives. I find it hard to write in the present tense but I can see you have successfully coped with it. Happy to back.

Some suggestions not meant to offend.
I have been told to watch the use of ‘that’ since it slows down the pace. ‘This Lorna told me that the family was poor and that…’ do you really need either of these. I usually read the sentence out loud with an without the ‘that’ and see which sounds best. In the next sentence again several ‘that’s could be removed with a little re-wording. Try to avoid starting sentence with ‘but’ and ‘and’.
‘Not that I’m flattered…’ using ‘that’ is necessary here.
People generally shorten speech – ‘.we will see’ could be ‘ …we’ll see…’ however I see you do this later.

Tony
Life Bringer

I'm afraid you're not going to like this! - I have no crits. I found this a beautifully written and absorbing piece of work. I particulary like the description of Miguel's mother and found the descriptive prose consistent throughout the chapters I read. I also like the imediacy of the present tense.Good Luck with this. K.J. Rabane - According to Olwen.

Will
I read your "about me" page and thought I'd respond to your desire for an honest critique.
In terms of your writing I have only one nit (I'm working with 1st two chapters here so forgive me if you address this)...you need to use all the senses to inject a bit more emotion into story so that readers can connect with your characters on an emotional level. A bit more showing NOT telling.
Having said that this is a great read.
Alison Butler

Thank you, Alison! You're the first person on this site to have said something useful! I think you're "nit" is a very good observation and something I should try to fix.

Will

Will
I read your "about me" page and thought I'd respond to your desire for an honest critique.
In terms of your writing I have only one nit (I'm working with 1st two chapters here so forgive me if you address this)...you need to use all the senses to inject a bit more emotion into story so that readers can connect with your characters on an emotional level. A bit more showing NOT telling.
Having said that this is a great read.
Alison Butler

This is a very original concept, which you have crafted into an interesting story. The characters are engaging and believable. Happy to back. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

A writer is better off paying money to an agent, or bribing an editor - it is who you know, not what you write. American literature has taken a nose dive in the last several decades. It is about commerce and finance. Editors and publishers, quietly and subjectively, seek authors who have a high profile, tons of public connections, and an ability to sale the dung from a horse. Why do you think Palin and Porn Star James are able to land book contracts? Wake up writers of America! It is not about talent or skill or craft. Editors do not care how well a writer can write; they do care, however, how well you can sell what you write. Facts of life. But such is capitalist greed.

Well, that's taking it a little farther than I would. You what I would call in the extremist category. But I think you are partial right: writers today need to be able to sell their wares more than those in the 1950s or 60s did. That said, you cannot sell what no one wants to read. If you write atrociously or even not well, no one's going to read it. Yes, there's Palin and a few others that manage through the cult of personality, but by and large, they're the outliers.

Yes, you have to sell yourself. But first you have to write well. This site is supposed to be about both. Alas, at the current time, it's only about the former.

Will

A writer is better off paying money to an agent, or bribing an editor - it is who you know, not what you write. American literature has taken a nose dive in the last several decades. It is about commerce and finance. Editors and publishers, quietly and subjectively, seek authors who have a high profile, tons of public connections, and an ability to sale the dung from a horse. Why do you think Palin and Porn Star James are able to land book contracts? Wake up writers of America! It is not about talent or skill or craft. Editors do not care how well a writer can write; they do care, however, how well you can sell what you write. Facts of life. But such is capitalist greed.

This is beautiful writing. The story is intricate and mysterious-- the exact way to snag your reader and keep them absorbed. Well done!

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

This is truly, as one other reader said, a book for today, allowing us into the lives of those motivated by stress and protection for those we love. As a former reporter, I have been involved with the stories of abuse, escape, love and support, so your writing rings true. First person works well. Good luck.

Leslie,

Can you explain the problem in chapter 2? I don't see anything wrong...

Thanks,

Will

An interesting and well-written yarn, but something has happened to chapter 2, so I will try and come back to it. Meanwhile it is obviously quality work and I am happy to back it.
I hope you will be able to look at Adam's Apple.
Leslie Rocker

An interesting and well-written yarn, but something has happened to chapter 2, so I will try and come back to it. Meanwhile it is obviously quality work and I am happy to back it.
I hope you will be able to look at Adam's Apple.
Leslie Rocker

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created most memorable main characters in Miguel and Ellie. I also like how you use the first person narrative voice with your two main characters thus allowing you to convey their thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This shows the potential danger inherent in any locale. "The only thing sacred to Nestor is Nestor." Look out South Dakota. The description of Nestor pulling one of his favorite tricks on the soldier is took my breath away. Nicely down. I'm enjoying this and will be back to read more once my hectic work schedule begins to mellow. Thanks for uploading the complete text. I want to read it all. Best of luck.

A novel of contemporary significance...well written and devoid of obvious errors...backed so please return the favour!
Stewart

Greetings Will, "A Home Called Nowhere" is written with style, empathy, and penetrating perception. I've read enough to feel Miguel's peril, his need to flee Guatemala and enter the U.S., there the clash of cultures. This is a novel for today, as it typifies the hunger and hope of millions and the conflicts that arise as action is taken. It should have a ready market, as many readers are interested in the lives of ethnic peoples as they seek to better their condion through emigration. I will gladly back your novel, Will, and return to read on. Sincerely . . .

Bill Carrigan
"The Doctor of Summitville"

Dear Will, I love your touching story & it made me cry, because some of the things in your story brought back memories of what happened to my daughter. ;( He was in an abusive relationship 11 years (he was a black belt & would kick her in the head & everywhere, after he'd downed her & the Luthern Church in Seattle by the airport helped her disapper with her 5 year old daughter because he said he'd kill both of them if she ever left him - the burned hands reminded me of when he took a pot of boiling water that she had to make spaghetti & dumped it down her head, ear, shoulder, & arm & it had blisters & I had to take her to the burn center a week later after emergency had done outpatient because it got infected with the plastic bandage - it was awful - it was 8 years later that she finally got help from the Luthern Church. :) It's 11 years later, now & she is serving Jesus/missions trip. :) You can tell that your story really hit me & stirred a lot of bad memories - thank you for staying with it & writing it. :) And thank you for your acknowledgements :) - that was great. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book which took 13 years to write? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

Will -

A Home Called Nowhere - A compelling entry, sketched with a mix of past innocence and superstition and a growing threat. And we sense Miguel's loss ... Silence confuses me ... we are in no doubt what drives him, to bring his daughter to safety, and also what will be in his way, his childhood friend, Nestor, a man with a different task. A tense setup with fascinating characters whose old loyalties are serverely challenged under a dangerous regime. Powerfully told.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Wow! This is must read. Solid theme and plot.

Backed
The Mind Setter

Good (I would almost say arresting) prose, with a universal theme becoming more urgent by the day. My home town (Adelaide, Australia) has just been assigned Afghani refugees & people in that suburb are already applauding/protesting. Great title, and that line in your pitch, 'South Dakota now seems as dangerous as Guatemala' is excellent. I wish you all the best for this. Backed.

Well written with a compelling storyline! Backed.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Will,
In A Home Called Nowhere, the reader has a strong sense of what the narrator is thinking and feeling through the work. I love historicals since they sweep you away to another time and place. Backed with pleasure.

A HOME CALLED NOWHERE
There is a flavour of urgency running throughout this book. Your story captured my imagination instantly, likewise your excellent characterisations. I enjoyed your narration and your caught the whole essence of the period and place. Very interesting and a darn good read. Backed.
Faith
The Assassins Village

Your captivating story flows well. Brilliant ambiance. Memorable, flawed characters. Realistic dialogue. Well managed tension. Twists and turns that capture the imagination. An intriguing, complex storyline. Authoritative writing. An entralling read. Backed.

Will, this is an unusual choice of theme, and all the more enticing because of that, and from the chapters you've posted to date it is clear you have the talent to take the reader along with the story. Writing in the first person has its limitations and credit to you for your narrative choice. No major nitpicks, from a reader's perspective this enfolds well and retains the interest. I'd expect this to do very well on this site, deservedly so.
Pleased to place this on my shelf.
Jake.

:) comment to follow :)