Scar Tissue

Hi Stephen

Great short pitch and I really like your writing style. I don't generally like crime novels, but both the pitch and the execution actually deliver an experience that, for me, anyway, is much more engaging than the usual crime novel, because the characters and their relationships are foregrounded. Your MC is sympathetic and all in all I would definitely read on, if I picked this up in the library. My only nitpick is all the descriptions of how he feels during the opening interrogation. I know "show not tell" dictates that you can't just say "he felt sick" or "he felt afraid", but sometimes I felt that you were going to great lengths to find different ways of saying just that, and it was a bit distracting. Otherwise, a really fine job. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

I read chapter 9. Your writing is clear and colourful. Interesting.

Backed.

Dima
The Gathering Heart

A polished and ready-for-print work, with every necessary element for commercial success. A riveting plot, interesting characters with past and present concerns, a mysterious death. The only thing lacking I felt immediately, in the very first chapter, when I would have liked to know a bit more about DC Archer. I felt that a bit of insight into her would have lent more drama and importance to the coming together of these two characters at the death scene. That led me of course, to look at what you're doing here with POV. Read/skimmed through 10 chapters and unless I'm missing it, could not find a scene where the two were together again, interacting directly. You go back and forth with POV between characters. So I skipped ahead to Chapter 32 and found them, together. And you maintain the separate POVs. Not sure how I feel about the overall effect of this. I found it on the surface, a bit frustrating, wanting to see the relationship between these two characters start off more quickly. But Authonomy isn't like the real world. In the real world, if an author writes as well as you do, I have much more patience. So these are my thoughts. Overall, a fabulous read. I appreciate that you start when you do but maybe find a way to give us a glimpse of Archer before the two come together? Excellent writing.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Brooding on recent C I D failures to sucessfully prosecute a wrongdoer, D.C Brigid Archer thinks a straight forward domestic murder might be more complicated. The victim was pregnant when she died, and her hair was dyed blond, the most likely suspect the husband, had known none of this, but then they were seperated. With rival police officers vying to supersede her on the promotion stakes, the pressures on to find the murderer.
To automatically assume the husband did it could be DC Brigid Archers fallacy along with the scar that has the misfortune to decorate her face.
Great murder mystery that tenders little sympathy for any of the characters with the exception of Brigid Archer and Richard Donovan. Nicely written I was slightly caught off balance by Chapter two's ' into the whirlpool of blood and brains whilst simultaneously being ejected from the world into chaos where no rule applied' to the similarity of chapter three's ' into the whirlpool of blood and brains whilst simultaneously being ejected from the world into chaos where no law applied.'
However I have no problem backing Scar Tissue
Daniel Manning.
No Compatibility.

A storytelling gift and a talented writer. This is superbly well written with a plot that has been well thought out and is consistent throughout.
Jane

Your opening line hooked me. You've given us a breathless thriller with edgy characters and vivid settings. Snappy dialogue. Confident narrative. Razor sharp writing. Backed.

Love your writing style, hooked from the first chapter. I have not read all but I will.

BACKED!

Ellen Zachary

To Stephen Palmer (Scar Tissue)

This book will not let you stop reading. Start reading and you're hooked. That to me is the mark a great book. I have no hesitation in giving you my BACKING. Good luck.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Dear Stephen Palmer,

What modern mystery agony does Ricahrd Donovan face in the garden? Scar Tissue runs deep and keeps pages turning.

Backed and best.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

Steve, I read your first chapter--riveting--then went back and reread your pitch and bio. You are ambitious and I'm sure you will accomplish your goals. Scar Tissue (by the way, I love that title) grabs the reader by the throat and hangs on like a Pit bull. Your first paragraph could be a classic. You've drawn both Donovan and Constable Archer with meat on their bones. And from your bio, I like what you plan for Archer. I am assuming you've read Elizabeth George and how she develops her characters from book to book. If you haven't, you may want to take a look. Your writing remind me a little of hers. I hope Scar Tissue is published. Let me know. It should be. Best of luck Steve.
Caroline
Summer Rose

I like this, it is impossible to put down after the first page. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Dear Stephen

Assured style. Intriguing first paragraph and convincing dialogue which creates character.
Happily backed.

Perhaps you'd take a look at Dying for Love?

Yours

Colin Eston
Dying for Love

09 August 2010
Scar Tissue is obviously not displayed on this site in the hope of gathering suggested corrections, rectifying imperfections, or long range proof reads. The writing is obviously too accomplished for that. Based solely on the initial chapter it is clear the author has insight, imaginative and inventive ability, descriptive power, complete command of the prose needed to convince the reader of the feasibility and realism of the situations he has devised for his players. Incidentally, the plot is not too shabby, either. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Stephen, I was hooked by your pitch and although crime novels aren't normally my thing would like to read more when time allows. Your descriptions are vivid and dialogue convincing. It makes a good read and I back it with pleasure
Cheers, Adelina

Hi Stephen, Strong dialogue and I liked the speculative back and forth in Chapter 2. It mirrored what was going on with Donovan when the scene begins to puzzle. The writing texture matches well these disparate settings, the police office and Donovan's house. I could feel the quiet of there and his concentration as he viewed his videos. Looks like a character-driven mystery and well-done! Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Brilliant. Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

Great opening chapter!

A couple of nitpicks about your pitch. I am not certain that the word "so" belongs in the sentence that begins, "As they delve deeper into..."

You also need a question mark at the end of the last sentence of that paragraph.

Well done and backed.
Mike

Dear Stephen
I have no idea how your book got past me the first time, but it sis not get past me this time. Love the book cover, not one to be passed up. Your long pitch is so well crafted and the book itself is totally original. CONGRATS i have not read it ally et but will comment more in a little while. till then I wish to be part of the process of you getting to the top five so
I wanted to give a small comment and back it so I could assist in its climb to the top. I will comment further later so till then
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
If you would take a look at my book, give comments ( positive I hope) and BACK it that would be soooo great. if not that is OK also
VERY best of luck
Denise

Hi Stephen,
The dialog in your book is very effective; it moves the story along well. I found your first chapter compelling. All the reasons why your MC might have killed his wife. A real bomb dropped at the end of the chapter! Really nice writing.

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

Amazing. I meant to read the first chapter, but I was hooked! The scene with Donovan watching the video is so poignant, and Archer is a really likable character. Flawed but strong...Very good, will continue reading. Dying to know who killer Laura...The bit with Hugh was a bit confusing but maybe it's because I'm reading this in a busy Parisian cafe?

backed (finally)
Leila
Life Is Not A Love Song

Hey, I really like the few chapters I've read of this, Stephen - believable characters, good dialogue, intriguing story. Can't suggest anything to improve it (although in your synopsis, the sentence beginning 'How was Brigid's right cheek...' probably ought to conclude with a question mark) - so well done! - T.

Good images and atmosphere generated by highly descriptive writing. The MC's thoughts are not differentiated in typeface so don't register, immediately. Classic scenario of its genre, well presented.

Stephen,

Returning your read. Best start, after reading your pitch, by confessing I have not read Pride and Prejudice.

A brief observation on the pitch: the first sentence of the long version seems a little convoluted and in the end, I'm left to assume that Richard Donovan is the estranged husband.

Into the work proper. Great opening paragaraph.

Then an intense first chapter, oping right in the action. You manage to get the reader close to Mr Donovan and show clearly how distant he is--in that overwhelmed way.

I like the way the PoV voice permeates the narrative. One or two places I though you could make it tighter by avoiding abstract verbs (for example 'he was aware' or explicit reference to thoughts) that filter the PoV experience, but in the main it worked well.

Chapter two introduces the PoV of Brigid. Then you swap back and forth. I confess I found this chapter a little choppy--especially Brigid's early scenes in the police station. But, there are undertones of plot developing nicely and it seems you have two strong characters.

Backed.

Scar Tissue
Stephen Palmer

The title Scar Tissue is an unusual one - for some reason, it made me think of Scarface, but then that was a ganster film and from what I read of your pithches, don't think I'll encounter any gangsters here - or will I? This is a great storyline. Chapter one reads well. When you find a corpse in your garden the last people you should tell are the police. Hmmm - this chapter makes you think about a lot of things. Richard Donovan is very credible here. And, he didn't have to listen to them did he? Except that final statement - Mrs Donovan was four months pregnant when she died. Poor Richarad Donovan. Now I must return and carry on reading - this is one of the best hooks I have come across in a long time. You have done a lot of things right with this piece so far. Congrats. No problem backing this.

I'm glad you uploaded the complete work onto this site. I want to discover the intricacies of this plot. You start it very well with Donovan feeling they think he killed his wife, with the hits of his alcoholism, with the scar on the inspector's face, and with the other detective mentioning that the dead wife was pregnant. You have wrapped several twists together just in the first chapter. Simply, a finely constructed thriller that I'm going to enjoy reading a lot more of when I get a little more time. Backed for now.

A good read with charcters thar speak to the reader and draw them in slowly as the pages turn. C W

Steve,
I don't read a lot of crime stories, but I liked what I read here so far. The characters seem real, and the dialogue seems to fit the situations. About the only thing that seemed to be missing early on is the emotion that your MC might feel at the news that his wife, was dead. Even with the separation, since she left him, he would likely still have residual feeling of both love and anger.
Just a thought. Well done.
MickR - The Nightcrawler

I backed your pitch. it grabs you and makes you want to delve in...maybe I'll get my courage up and have a look inside.

Chapter 14

This is a good read. A failed police chase, a pocket full of diamond and bald man kicking someone who he had in the boot of his car – very exciting.
I liked ‘I’ve wet myself.’ I guess most people would if someone held a gun to their head and they head the click.
This is very well written with plenty of action to keep the reader’s eyes glued to the page. A pleasure to back.

Anthony
Aqua Omega

Intriguing and gripping.
Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!!
A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated.
Frank.
If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Vrery good. First chapter starts well, lots of good lines. You set up the situation efficiently and keep things moving in interesting and unexpected directions. Dialogue is also very well handled. Rounded characters and lots of problems to deal with. Things feel a bit more fragmented int he second chapter. Not a problem but didn't quite have the flow and pace of the first one. All very polished and kept me interested. Backed.

01 May 2010
11:43
The first paragraph of 'Scar Tissue' is a gin trap of an opening. The interview, where the MCs are introduced, is adroitly crafted, holding and cultivating the reader's interest. The atmosphere of the interrogation room and the suspect's emotions and thoughts are proficiently described, revealing the nuances and gradations of gradual realisation. The components of an engrossing thriller are slotted together with enviable dexterity. 'Scar Tissue' is one to watch. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

Flippant, funny start, despite the subject matter. Things don't look good for Richard, and he does himself few favours. For all the flippancy, he still had feelings for Laura, so her pregnancy comes as a blow. Nice switching between him and Brigid, both suffering emotional turmoil. I'm surprised that I like to odd switches to present tense as he watches the video, 'She squeals' ... it works well. Hm, Hugh, up to no good, yet he thinks Richard did it. Laura was obviously caught up in something very dangerous. The phone call!

Some excellent writing throughout: 'The memory had an emetic quality', 'the man he had been when he was behind the camera', 'the wine was beginning to tint her thoughts'. As in these examples, the best parts are those that don't try too hard ... a few of the descriptions of emotions are a bit too long or complex.

The plot is full of hooks, and the main characters are realistic and sympathetic despite both being far from perfect personalities. Excellent psychology with their pent up thoughts and feelings, and especially Brigid's complex reactions to her father's illness. Damn good story, Stephen, and on my shelf.

Possible nits: 'mashed up face ... screwed up his face' a bit too repetitive for so early in the story. 'She thinks I killed Laura' then a bit lower down, 'She thinks I killed Laura. The thought entered his brain' it had already entered his brain. 'Too big too [to] sprint'.

An intriguing thriller that is extremely well constructed and written. Good use of foreshadowing right at the beginning and your character development and use of imagery are superb. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior. The Beginning

Scar Tissue

[Thank you for returning my backing. T☼☼☼☼]

Great opening paragraph! Too true! It’s a fantastic way to get this off the ground. Then you throw us some of the plot, Laura was pregnant, and Brigid’s scar. Nice end to the chapter. Loved the line in chapter two about the shower. You drop in some more plot, the phone calls and then a very poignant episode as Richard watches the videos of Laura. Excellent, as is the earlier part as Brigid digests the case. And the section where she nearly vomits at the murder scene is fantastic! Good dialogue in the police station.

And then you get to it. Chapter three opens pandora’s box. We have made a real start. Laura had something on McKenna, the very guy Carlson has a nice fat file on linking us into an underworld gang. This is now really hotting up.

Well structured, well told, great concept, great start, I’m backing this and if you can find the time to take a look at Bokassa’s Last Apostle in return I’d be extremely grateful. Thanks.

Immediately gettable into. Great set up and a great premise. This is a real page turner. Two little things I'd change: short pitch - I'd lose 'A crime novel in which' and in ch 1, the second time he says 'She thinks I killed Laura.' - I'd change to 'She really does think I killed her.' Apart from that good stuff!

This first class writing and really well put together.
there is a sense of the police being fully in control
The husband s drinking is perfectly put across and the feelings as he watches and replays their time together.
Backed with pleasure.
Micheal O'Durcain
Murder on the Menu.

I had time to read four chapters. Excellent.!!

shelved
sue
Fate's Chastening

What a great concept and imagination. Good luck with it, on my list. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

I think you have a great premise here, but I found it necessary to read your pitch very very carefully to figure out what the story was about. I think you need to make the pitch more readable, clearer and simpler so you don't frighten away readership.

Great story line. Love the Austen comparision!
Barbara

I was hooked with your opening sentence and stayed hooked. Very nice writing.

Janice (Blood of Eden)

Your pitch promises an interesting detective story of the classic type which I like. Your two central characters, Brigid and Richard, are an unusual combination. We meet them as Richard is being interviewed after the murder of his wife, Laura, saying all the wrong things, and yet not being arrested because so far there's no evidence. He's a heavy drinker, and his wife left him fourteen months ago. Brigid is doing the interviewing, and feels afterwards that she's made a mess of it. We get to know them better as Brigid heads home to meet up, later, with her boyfriend Gary, and Richard plays the messages on his answerphone, then watches an old video of Laura. They are both people who've been hurt, and who are softer inside than they seem; people who are easy to like, and whom we want to read more about. Your plot has got off to a good start, and we are hooked in, both by that and by the characters. Your writing is smooth, professional, and fast moving. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Stephen, The word count and date submitted indicate that a significant amount of development has gone into this novel. The genre of fiction might be modified to literary fiction, with thriller added as well. One unsettled situation for a reader might be the shift from a third person account of personal feelings by the protagonist, e.g., "He was aware that the fingers pressing into his eyelids intimated guilt." Also, "For the benefit of the tape, Mr. Donovan has just shrugged (new paragraph) "Donovan felt pulpy .." Who is making that statement? The storyline is interesting. The writing is very good. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

Scar Tissue

The sense of irony in the opening made me smile, I thought it was very clever to open this way.
You create a brilliant show and tell in the interview and it builds such a great sense of character in Richard. Very good dialogue, well balanced with at times fantastic narrative. This is a very well told story

HI Stephen
A great start to the novel and I loe the way your characters are developing. This is promising to be a great mystery story with lots of potential. I hope you do well with it. Best of luck
DP Walker
Five Dares

This is good writing. The interview in chapter one was great. He was vulnerable and a little confrontational. The possibility that he could have been so drunk that he didn't remember killing her makes this more suspenseful. I love how he's watching home videos of Laura and getting all emotional. Great touch.

There are a few technical areas where you could improve. Sometimes it's small things like this that cause rejection. Agents are very picky.

It’s generally not a good idea to address the reader directly with “you.” It’s acceptable if the novel is a diary or a letter – maybe if it’s conversation like the main character recounting his story directly to the reader in the first person. Given that your novel is third person, it’s best to avoid addressing the reader directly.

When your character is thinking “He thinks I killed Laura” try putting that in italics. That will clearly separate direct thoughts from other prose.

I enjoyed this and I'll back it.

Brian
"Mute"

What a great flying start. Lots of good stuff happening here. I'll be backing this as soon as I have a free space on my bookshelf. Good luck with it.

You had me at Pride and Prejudice with guns and corruption. Who could resist reading after that!

I was happy to see that the writing lived up to that too. It's a fast pace, with some really interesting things going on. Your characters are interesting and well developed, I'm hapy to follow them along. Only read the first couple chapters but I can see this is going to be an explosive book.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

People have already made god points on the high wordcount and the occasional little technical error, so I'll leave those unmentioned and concentrate simply on the fact that this is a fantastic, compelling book. I enjoyed the first few chapters immensely . You leave the reader guessing on every level, and we're given answers like crumbs of promise as we follow Richard and Brigid.

Excellent.
Abi xxx

Scar Tissues:

An interesting read with likable characters and good dialogue. Just needs a little tweaking and a check for missing commas throughout.

May not be an issue, but I’d check your ‘begin/began to’ usage such as – even you begin to have your doubts/even you have your doubts? –his eyeballs began to ache/his eyeballs ached – his belly began to slip/this one is okay as it didn’t continue slipping. – his bones began to crumble/his bones crumbled – and began glowing in his arteries/and glowed in his arteries?

A hawker indicates the marquee behind him and promises a glimpse of the naked truth. – Is this supposed to be present tense?

And there she was watching it with her friends; - not sure if you mean – And there she was, (comma?) watching it with her friends?

He was startled by the sound of Dundee’s voice/Dundee’s voice startled him? –play back the word he was struggling to find/play back the word he struggled to find? – of what she was implying/of what she implied?

Good chapter one and makes the reader want to find out ‘whodunit’.

All the best, and already backed.

Cáit ~ Muckers ~