Black Star

BLACK STAR by Cameron J Sinclair.

Stunning command and control of the vocabulary of science fiction. Its inter- galactic atmosphere and attention grabbing opening chapter draws the reader in and, before they know it, they are transported through to the fifth Chapter of the 5 posted. Strikingly defined characters brimming with power and energy. An inventive and imaginative feast of finest writing in the genre. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Great start, opening with a question. Immediatley arouses the reader's curiosity. This is very high tech, the Sci Fi groups will love it.. it is also so well written that it will appeal to followers of other genres.

You start to build tension as you introduce the danger of an inert probe, Derringer has the scars to prove it. The description of the mini-world gives a sense of place - of endless night.
Tension accelerates as Derringer watches the beacon change from red to the soul-destroying green.

The alien voice was sudden and chilling. It gives such a sense of dread as the voice tells Derringer what
he is to become. It urges the reader to turn to the first chapter.

The Prologue/Ch.1 places the story, the building of a framework for future infilling of the story.

In chapter 2, the scene with Teevan, a beautiful woman with a glorious body, is so sensual, yet beautifully written, sensuality in a high tech world. Eroticism with the aid of a high tech programme, completely gripping the reader's attention. And then just before the peak, Teevan is brought down as a message interrupts the final moment. She has to cast aside all emotions and concentrate on a new and what is to prove dangerous mission.

The 'campers' are mystifying and the reader has to wait to find out who they are. The lightweight walls of the probosicis are fightening, the only thing between her crew and the void.

The description of the power matrix and the damaged systems being restored is excellent. Then comes the horrifyng realization that the hapless crew were cast into space.

Your characters are well-rounded, the descriptionsof the vessel highly visual.

The chapters begin with a hook and end with one. The technique of the 'dramatic arch' is clearly evident in the structuring of this novel. With each chapter so far as I have read, first there is the inciting incident then rising tension leading to a climax , followed by a slight lull for the reader to catch their breath, then the resolution and final hook. Very informed writing.

Your expert technques along witha highly charged story will keep the reader completely absorbed.
The language is succinct without too many metaphors or similes to mar the fast pace.

This is so highly visual I could see it being a film.

I am keeping this on my WL and as soon as there is a space it will go on my shelf.

I have given this a six rating for its excellence in its genre.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

For a sci-fi/fantasy read to make an impression it needs several characteristics. One of the chief requirements is rationality and logic, another is credibility despite the fantasy label and the story needs to 'grip'. Obviously, well balanced and measured prose, bringing the scenes to life, or at least to the fore, in the reader's mind, makes the package all the more attractive. A Blue Riband candidate enables the reader's imagination to meld with that of the creator to enjoy the same settings, emotion and thrills. Black Star ticks all the boxes. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Hi Cameron!

Since you haven’t been to Authonomy for a while, I hope it’s okay that I’m sending this through your book comment:

I’d like to thank you for backing BRAINRUSH (a Thriller) last year. Because of you it hit the Authonomy Number-1 slot, attracted an agent, and landed a film option. Now that’s a brain-rush! The formal book launch is September 1st and the sequel will be released in December. None of this would have been possible without your help. So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
Richard Bard, BRAINRUSH

PS. If you want a good laugh, check out the temporary book-trailer video on the BRAINRUSH website. It’s there as a placeholder for the upcoming professional video. The current one features children and it’s guaranteed to make you smile! And yes, the younger kid on the screen is really me. You can see the video at www.RichardBard.com. The link is also on my Authonomy profile page. While you’re there, check out the “Feel the Rush” promotion that will get you BRAINRUSH plus 2 FREE thrillers from the Kindle Top-20 PAID Bestseller list – yes, really!

This is the beginning of a fun space opera. Oversexed villains and undersexed heroes are particularly interesting. A good third person story spends as much time from the bad guy's point of view as the hero's. Well done on that. But the 4 or 5 new people you inject just as the alien opens his mouth to speak are too much too quick.

nits:
over all: a lot of hyphens missing or added (eg. subroutine). in several places commas could have been added.
preface:alien's "The fact is" was unnecessary. Indeed, would such a superior creature even bother to explain?
one and two: so many T names are confusing.
glut or tide, but both aren't necessary. glut made me think of gluteous.
can there be a mini war? would a scout minimize that way?
what is an AA suit?

end of chapter 3, who cast who into space? too many pronouns. If you want to obscure, use passive.
chapter 4, where did the bodies come from? we just spent a chapter finding out they were gone.
you meant quiet, not quite.
myriad of objectives
chapter 5: divine.

spelling type for "unknown" in your pitch

Hi Cameron,

I've read this work before, but I picked it up again. It's still very good work and worthy of a second backing.

Good Luck,

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

Black Star

Hi Cameron,

Unfortunately, I've only got a little bit of time this morning, but what I want to say is cool. You hooked us in nicely with a very clipped and high octane description of the incident on the moon. It's like you've been there, which clearly you haven't. I was certainly intrigued, my questions are about the surface detail of the tech, there's a lot of it, in our faces, for some that can be off putting. There is a trend recently for books that are clearly sci-fi to masquerade as something else for a while, I'm thinking of the Chaos Walking Series and also the Gone, Hunger and Lies books by Michael Grant, but those were targeted at YA,, perhaps it is okay to be openly sci-fi with adults. Anyway, good writing, not too many words, you clearly are enjoying yourself and I had a hell of a ride as a reader, well done. I will shelve this for a while next month, best wishes and good luck

Andrew W.
Benevolence

Your command of the language of science fiction is good, but there are areas where word choice impedes the flow of the story, like exacerbated moan when drawn out or something similar would be better. There are many places where word choice is inconsistent with the scene and the feeling being evoked. It's like a sour note in an otherwise competently played symphony.

I would dispense with the prologue and jump directly to chapter one, chapter two being the introduction of Teevan, which will require renumbering the rest. The prologue feels more like a chapter than back story or an introduction.

There is plenty of action and a palpable menace that tingles all the spidey senses and heightens an otherwise well written science fiction story. All the elements are there for a good tale and just needs tweaking to make it a great one. Read it aloud and listen to the rhythm of the words and the choice of words. That will help weed out the problem areas. Good luck with your book.

JMC
Among Women

Hard-core sci-fi/action isn't my thing, but I still found the first chapter to be a good read. The hook at the end of the prologue is a very good one; you expect him to die but then there's this alien race instead. It's well written, but the techy stuff pushes me away. Best of luck to you!

Backed Black Star. You have mastered crafting a high tech, ScI Fi story that is credible to the reader. Good luck.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Cameron,
Read the 5 but it really isn't my thing. Some of it is funny and i liked those bits.
sorry.....
:)
Diane

Great start loved description 'maddeningly honeycombed by millennia of meteor impacts'.

It sets the scene well and as the reader is pulled in you switch to Teevan's character, great.

This is a well written piece of Sci-fi and enjoyed reading, the only thing for me was jumping from one intense situation straight into another. There was just something that felt off but of course that's just me.

Good luck, backed,

Red

Excellent sci-fi background really impressive techno-speak, dialogue (even with the computers) authentic. I did wonder a bit about the characters - I haven't learned much about Teevan and I'm at chapter 5. I don't even know enough to know if she's the hero - so to speak. I imagine sci-fi afficionados will love it and think it ticks all the right boxes for the genre Will star and watchlist (massive log jam) Jaye

An epic tale with well formed charchers and diolouge. Tarrant

BLACK STAR by Cameron J Sinclair.

Stunning command and control of the vocabulary of science fiction. Its inter- galactic atmosphere and attention grabbing opening chapter draws the reader in and, before they know it, they are transported through to the fifth Chapter of the 5 posted. Strikingly defined characters brimming with power and energy. An inventive and imaginative feast of finest writing in the genre. Backed.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Great start to what could be a epic tale, backed.

A very exciting start which drew me straight into the story. I love your descriptions and the technology you invent. Great characters and dialogue. There is a real sense of intrigue and mystery from the start, which made me want to keep reading. Loved what I read so far.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Cameron, I just read your first chapter. Sci Fi is not my genre of choice, but this seemed very good, believable, 'real,' and exciting. I did spot what I think is a typo in chapter one-- sable ocean. Did you mean stable ocean. Best of luck. I'll scatter lots of stars your way, too. :Good luck.
Caroline
KC Hart
Summer Rose

Cameron,

A great read so far. Strong start with great use of language and a story that flows really well. The suspense at the beginning was well built up, showing how even a routine investigation into a malfunction by an expert can still be a daunting task in the world that you portray. Grammar and punctuation is, in my view, impeccable.

The only thing that I would question is, given that she is a female commanding officer would they really call Teevan sir?

Like I said, a great read thus far and all the best in the future.
Backed with pleasure
Alan Dartnall
~The Demon's Vengeance~

In general, I really like this story. A few things bother me though. The time frame must be eons in the future; yet, the language has stayed the same. The swearing is the same as present day Earth.....The language of body parts hasn't moved on either. My humble opinion is that this should be worked on creatively. Towards the end you have expanded paragraphs. Also, separating sections with stars did not help me jump from one thought to the next thought to the next. Kind of choppy there. You asked for critiques, LOL. Overall, you have a wonderful story with a lot of energy, a lot of tension. I'd be interested in reading the rest so let me know when you place it on the site.
All the best,
CSPoulsen THE INSIDERS mg/ya p.s. I don't back until I read much more but it is very backable. . Thanks for backing me. CSP

This is a really good SF story, well told. I enjoyed it and would very much like to read the rest. Its mystery exerts a fine grip on the reader. I even forgave it two of my pet hates: “comprised of” and “myriad of”. I wasn’t too sure about the need for the sex to be quite so explicit, though – lots of youngsters read SF, you know. :-)

A very detailed opening which is great for those like me who are largely ignorant of this genre! I can see this would attract quite an audience. Best of luck with it.

Clare
A Policeman's Lot

What a trip - I thought the book was going to be too testerone loaded for my taste at first, but then it switched gears (including the near orgasm) and became a different creature altogether. Very well written. Backed with pleasure.

Meg Wearing

Not my genre, but can see how Black Star will gel with the fan-base. I wish you all good luck.

I've guessing you're a fan of Larry Niven's Known Space stories? I think that you may be able to make the story even more interesting if you inject a smidge of humour - think Iain M. Banks, maybe?

In proloque, I had a little trouble relating to driller probes breaking down in the first paragraph, when I didn't know what they were. And even if I knew, why should I care?

I think if you move the human element up a little higher in your chapter, you can add the techinical part afterward. Human condition first, machines second.

Same thing applies down at "CHAPTER 1." It starts out good with "Teeva's lips parted" but then it gets of into the technology. For my taste you would skip over the technology and let me feel what the character is feeling. Never mind the synapses firing. Who cares? I want ot feel what the character is feeling, I don't care about tehcnical explanations, though those can be brought in a little further down, after I have had time to enjoy the sensuality of what you are writing. Each time you bring me up a little, you turn me off with metal and plastic and nerve endings. Don't do that. Give the human factor a little more chance to work first, then you can add the technical stuff, after I have a reason to care.

Good luck to youl

BLACK STAR
This wold make a good film. Lots of action and derring-do. I enjoyed this and read it all the way through. Great.

Cameron, never liked reading sci-fi - preferred instead to watch it in a movie but Black star enthralled from the moment I 'opened' the cover. Your words were able to build the imagery that had me 'watching' a movie - you have chosen the right words to create the suspense, tensions and the passion. Backed with lots of stars, Hanyxxx

The dialogue and settings are believable and there is a nice sense of tension gradually dripping through the chapters I read. THe characters are well rounded and fit into the world you have created for them. A good Sci Fi read. K.J. RAbane - According to Olwen

Great start, opening with a question. Immediatley arouses the reader's curiosity. This is very high tech, the Sci Fi groups will love it.. it is also so well written that it will appeal to followers of other genres.

You start to build tension as you introduce the danger of an inert probe, Derringer has the scars to prove it. The description of the mini-world gives a sense of place - of endless night.
Tension accelerates as Derringer watches the beacon change from red to the soul-destroying green.

The alien voice was sudden and chilling. It gives such a sense of dread as the voice tells Derringer what
he is to become. It urges the reader to turn to the first chapter.

The Prologue/Ch.1 places the story, the building of a framework for future infilling of the story.

In chapter 2, the scene with Teevan, a beautiful woman with a glorious body, is so sensual, yet beautifully written, sensuality in a high tech world. Eroticism with the aid of a high tech programme, completely gripping the reader's attention. And then just before the peak, Teevan is brought down as a message interrupts the final moment. She has to cast aside all emotions and concentrate on a new and what is to prove dangerous mission.

The 'campers' are mystifying and the reader has to wait to find out who they are. The lightweight walls of the probosicis are fightening, the only thing between her crew and the void.

The description of the power matrix and the damaged systems being restored is excellent. Then comes the horrifyng realization that the hapless crew were cast into space.

Your characters are well-rounded, the descriptionsof the vessel highly visual.

The chapters begin with a hook and end with one. The technique of the 'dramatic arch' is clearly evident in the structuring of this novel. With each chapter so far as I have read, first there is the inciting incident then rising tension leading to a climax , followed by a slight lull for the reader to catch their breath, then the resolution and final hook. Very informed writing.

Your expert technques along witha highly charged story will keep the reader completely absorbed.
The language is succinct without too many metaphors or similes to mar the fast pace.

This is so highly visual I could see it being a film.

I am keeping this on my WL and as soon as there is a space it will go on my shelf.

I have given this a six rating for its excellence in its genre.

Best wishes,
Katy.xx
Phobic Dawn.

This is my kind of book! I like the fact that it is not so completely far-fetched that we spend most of the story trying to figure out what's what! The story and characters are well constructed and I feel this is an enjoyable read. Backed.

Having read the other comments, but also not one to pick up sci-fi when looking for books of interest, in my limited knowledge of this genre, I suggest, as one not schooled in this art, that a time frame is not needed for my enjoyment of this book. The author is expert in dialogue, conveying the storyline through the characters' words and actions. Some technical observations: 1) when the mechanized analog voice speaks, I don't think the # should be used; 2) Just a quick fix: in pitch, first line, "unknown" needs another "n."
In this presentation I felt connected to the time, but not necessarily the technical configurations, which showed the reader he had a command of the material.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

Hi Cameron, yes, absolutely will give your book a read. I'll place on my watchlist. Hope you have a chance to read London.

blessings!
jim

Enjoy SciFi. Added Black Star to our watchlist.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Black Star - The author does not say how far into the future he has placed his story but with operations that appear to be taking place on various moons etc I am guessing very distant from our own time. The prologue is full of tension but for me, there are problems. Technology would have advanced beyond anything we know today yet Derringer is sent to either stabilize/neutralize a malfunctioning machine. A sentient entity having invaded Derringer after he has dismantled the firing mechanism tells him it has taken over his mind? Why? Having invaded without permission it is hardly likely the entity would politely inform Derringer of what it had done. This is endorsed in a later chapter by the first killing the reader is shown, which turns out when faced with the evidence of his actions Derringer denies all knowledge of. Teeval, in the throes of sex simulated by a machine, when called urgently away to another part of the craft has to take off the pads manually - surely the machine would be geared to retrieve these speedily at any point if needed.
The author sustains the tension, adding menace into the mix, more than competently. His writing is crisp, his characters briefly drawn but instantly recognizable but I couldn't help feeling I had read and seen the claustrophobic atmosphere created in books and films before. The work needs editing and polishing. In the paragraph beginning 'Leaving Travis to complete' etc - I noticed 'she' was used seven times although it is clear the repetition was not intentional.

Child - Atramentus Speaks

I found the writing articulate and engaging and a promising start to a well written and credible SF Fantasy.

I wish you every success in completing your accomplished work.

Jane

'Breath in the Dark '

Note this is for the prologue and Ch. 1 only so far. Your writing is clear and good. No major issues. Here are a few minor thoughts:

You might consider using 'moon' or something in place of the word 'satellite' early on. Readers don't yet know anything about where he is, and while satellite may technically be correct, some readers may get the idea that he is on a man-made satellite. This early on it needs to be clear to the reader exactly where he is.

The first time you use 'Travis here' you have a comma between the words that shouldn't be there. You correctly leave it out the second time you use this phrase.

You have both 'yes, sir' and later an 'aye, sir' lacking the necessary comma between the words.

After '...campers' I would use a period rather than an exclam. Save exclams for when the situation really needs it.

'Set in an intercept course...' I would remove 'in'. Perhaps it is a British English thing, but it sounds more real and succinct to just say 'Set an intercept course' or perhaps 'Plot an intercept course'

'forty four' needs a hyphen. You then have 'fifty-seven' correctly hyphenated.

I would put a hyphen in 'Grumman-class'.

Twice you have situations where it feels like modern technology would have things be far easier than you make them. For instance, you have it take a long time to strip all the electrodes off the captains body, while I would imagine that in such an advanced society the machines would be rigged to make this quick, especially on a space ship where emergencies might require very quick action. Early on you have the broken-down machine that is very dangerous. If it is really that dangerous, wouldn't an advanced society be using something like a automated hovercraft to extract the broken down machine and remove it for repair in a safer environment? I'm just thinking that we could do such things even today, so in the future they should be better.

Please don't take these thoughts the wrong way, as I just want to help out and overall I think this first part reads well and is an interesting story.

Packed with sci-fi techno speak, this comes out of the contemporary sci fi mold and reads more like a technical handbook than a novel, which is not necessarily a drawback. Evenso, it is well constructed and informs the reader with a pacey, well described telling. It will appeal because of the confident references to situations and technologies, as if the reader is of that time and will understand.

I think I've read this one before, it sounds very familiar. There is a real sense of menace about it with good and well-handled tension. The writing is good, I've not found any faults so far and the characters are engaging. This is science-fiction for grown-ups, intelligent and well conceived. An excellent read and it's going on my shelf.

Backed with pleasure, best of luck Cameron.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows

Hi Cameron,

I've looked at your Chapters & they are very well written. A few niggles - watch for long sentences, most sentences read comfortably at 16 words a sentence. Some starting paragraphs could be fleshed out & develop the plot further. The scene with Chalice might alienate some of your target audience & might need paring back as it detracts from her character development.

Will back it later today,

Rob

GET LENIN

Dear Cameron, you must think me ignorant, [but being new to this site, I couldn't keep up, with what and what I hadn't read]. Well! I am not only writing to confess my lack of technological skills, [I'm a Dinosaur with anything else, other than a quill], but seriously. I enjoyed your book, that much! Me and the wife have become engrossed in your book, [she loves Sci-fi], and we still haven't finished. I will be finding a spot on my top five, [I think we have to wait 24 hours, until it has any effect. I know nothing]. But I will; because I would buy your book. It was a battle, between two species, that had me stuck in the middle, relishing the rich detail, which you described your world with great passion. Thanks again Cameron, for all your support. I wish you well for the future. Take care. Cicuta, [Carl, Arcane].

You are totally fantastic, Cameron! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Hi Cameron,

I've added this to my bookshelf. Just one point to note. Towards the end of the first section you use the phrase bowl-loosening. I think perhaps bowel-loosening might be more appropriate?

Rgds,
MK

For a sci-fi/fantasy read to make an impression it needs several characteristics. One of the chief requirements is rationality and logic, another is credibility despite the fantasy label and the story needs to 'grip'. Obviously, well balanced and measured prose, bringing the scenes to life, or at least to the fore, in the reader's mind, makes the package all the more attractive. A Blue Riband candidate enables the reader's imagination to meld with that of the creator to enjoy the same settings, emotion and thrills. Black Star ticks all the boxes. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Competent and engaging. Lean and mean descriptions. Efficient dialogue, although I wouldn't have minded a little bit more quirkiness in the characters to help them stand out. It doesn't even have to be quirk, just a little more detail about their individuality to help them feel more real.

I don't read much hard scifi these days, but this certainly would have grabbed me when I was in my 20s.

Cameron -

Black Star - Nothing like an alien sentient threat to bring human forces into alignment. Four-hundred machines drilling through permafrost layers - what's going to melt out from under there? Very effective ... the bowl-loosening certainty ... The tension pulls along. Occasionally words are missing. You may be aware of this, but if you like me to I'll send you a message re: my notes. You manage to convey certain terms with a light touch, like, zentith velocity. It looks as if Derringer will be a controlled entity, with a message, no doubt. I read all chapters. Marcus is not my favourite, and I still have to decide whom to identify with in this thrilling odyssey.

Backed already, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Dear Cameron, I love that your chapter 5 reminded me of what I just read in Exodus, when Moses came down the mountain with the 10 commandments on stone tablets & threw them down because the Israelites were naked in an orgy & worshipping the golden calf idol - time doesn't change as you have it in the future. :) Your dialogue prepared me for space travel & I immediately thought of Star Trek & Star Wars & looked forward to my read. :) Crisp dialogue & paragraphs moved me right through your story. I have backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Hello Cameron, Looking over my shoddy records, I see that you backed "Call Home the Child" and I backed "Ravenmyth" (just by way of getting oriented here). Now I'm fully prepared to back "Black Star" for similar virtues--way-out theme and strong writing. However, I find the prologue a bit tedious--too much jargon--until you arrive at the chilling message. My instinct says to start with the message (without naming it "Prologue, " which I consider a turn-off) and jump to Teevan's spectacular diversion. I suggest a brief transition to connect the two parts--maybe a subtitle telling where and when. If the drilling action is important, use it later. My personal rule is "Don't confuse or bore the reader at the start." Now I could dwell on the many things I like about your opening, but I want to shelve "Black Star" and continue reading.

Could I ask you to take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville"? It contains medical stuff that must be clear and not skipped. Let's keep in touch. --Bill

Hi Cameron, Much momentum with the technical descriptions that contrast so well with the human reactions. It's not my usual reading but you kept me in anticipation during the first chapters with the ejection into space. One thing that made me pause - the red to a soul (?) destroying green in the first Chapter. soul-destroying with a hyphen? Well-written! Shelved - Katherine

You caught me at just the right moment Cameron. This is an excellent piece of writing and just the stuff for me, the story flows well, as much of it as you have here. When will it be finished and published and available, I want to buy the book for my little library?
Only one little spelling mistake, at least that was all I noticed. In chapter 1 you have a line where Teevan is thinking of the crew not getting the leave they need. TEEVAN KNEW THAT HER CREW WERE BRUNT-OUT. Should that be BURNT-OUT?
This is one of the books I am proud to back.
Good Luck.
Norman.

This work is every bit as good as your other work. The character development is excellent and the dialogue is crisp and well written. Well done. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Backed. An interesting storyline that moves well evoking thoughts about the future out there in the universe. Chuck