Blue Diamonds

The end ?

Structured chaos ; the writing deftly portioned into vignetttes of action, but crafted in underlying ensemble, each part a necessary ingredient, each ingredient vital to the mix. The writer fluctuates from the genuinely terrifying monologue of Stratton ( by being gagged, Chloe is rendered more vulnerable, and the writer cleverly puts the reader in the perpective of one who is forced to listen to the capricious rantings of a madman without the power to respond ) to the unswerving resolve of Tom to protect that which he covets. Here the writer uses her talents to lend balance to the confusion, the balance being the drive in Stratton to seek death, and in Tom, the drive to preserve life.

Stratton fires his postol at the sky - a meaningless act, given the firing power of the weapon, but symbolic. Stratton's hatred ( and madness ) overshadows his reason, but more importantly, it exemplifies the futility of everything Stratton stands for. Tom climbs down from above. Another wonderfully symbolic touch. Tom must reduce himself to Stratton's feral ambitions, for this is the only way to bring conclusion to the madness.

The pistol is dispensed with, substituted by the blade. An almost sexual act. To Stratton, violence is sex. Tom hopes to use Stratton's madness to his advantage, and in the end, is victorious. Stratton steps into oblivion. A conscious act ? Ms. Marlowe is far too talented to tell, and so we must draw our own conclusions. We know he survives - man's instinct to do harm and cause destruction can't easily be extinguished.

This chapter is fast, hard bitten, blissfully subtle, and above all else, beautifully told.

Ladies and gentlemen, read this again, and savour every word. We have a writer in our midst.

The end ? Hardly.

I feel very honoured to have had the last few chapters emailed to me. I received said email only half an hour ago but I have zoomed through the attachment with greedy delight. (I am a naturally fast reader.)

Ok, I admit - I welled up at the end. Any book that can get me sniffling like a baby is worth a backing, any book that gets emotions flying is worth a backing. It means the author has done a great job in bringing the reader into their world, their characters and the story line.

I'm placed on my shelf because 1) the author is a great writer 2) the story line is complex yet easy to follow 3) the characters are believable 4) it made me blub 5) I see so many poorly written books ranked higher that it galls me. 6) I believe I saw the red arrow on this book recently and it made me cross! oh and 7) My engagement ring is a blue diamond - I'm very fond of them!!! :D

Thank you for sharing this gem (see what I did there?) Tonia - it's excellent!!!

Chapter 18

The pace has zipped up several gears, suddenly and brutally. The writer has little time for reflection - the prose is instinctive, like Tom's reaction. Movement, fluid and certain. At last, after experiencing a brief hint only, we see Tom as he is. He's clicked into machine mode - an efficient, high performance machine. Despite the stakes, he remains dispassionate in his task - he never crosses the speed limit, doesn't call the police, orders up the helicopter, able to clip out instructions as easily as breathing. Which makes us wonder -and here again, Ms. Marlowe sets a tone which touches a nerve. In certain situations, within particular contexts, there is little difference between Stratton and Tom, in their inconditional approach, in their desire to get what they want. Both are men of supreme skills, both are ruthless, both are creatures of visceral action.

Except this - Statton is insane.

The story now approaches its monumental climax. And where better, than the Mountains. Back to the wild, where men shrug off the shackles of civilisation, and become something else. Stratton seeks to destroy, Tom seeks to save. Both eminently capable.

I can hardly wait.

Dazzling stuff, Ms. Marlowe. You've woven a rich and wonderful tapestry, blending good and evil, love and hate, and once again I sit back and think......what a magnificent writer.

Chapter 15
The humour was merely a veneer for the dread, but skillfully handled. We meet Stratton, once again, face to face. The 007 introduction, and the phsically grotesque appearance of Maher is a subtle and wonderfully clever nuance of the Bond books ( and as well written, may I add). And like Bond, Stratton is a monomaniac, psychotic, cruel. But he is also evil. Slaughterhouse Stratton. He has the capacity to commit evil deeds. Miss Marlowe, by the use of that description, encapsulates all that is Stratton, and all that he has the potential to be. Yet again, a remarkable piece of under-play, which says more than a page of prose. His dialogue, his movements, his motives, are machine like - he is a blunt force, unstoppable, bent on insane vengeance. Miss Marlowe has created a monster, and inexorably, the pages are like magnets to the eyes, as we are compelled to watch the duel unfold, as the monster nears its prey - what a dance we are lead !

But then we see a hint of Tom, and a glimpse of fierce timbre in his heart, as he deals with Rod - we see how Tom can be : firm, harsh, ferocious in his decision. Miss Marlowe has used the interraction between Tom and Rod as a counter poise to Stratton and Maher. Tom can be just as brutal as Stratton, if he has to be. She whets the appetite, does she not ?

The dance becomes more intimate - Stratton and Tom edge closer, Miss Marlowe having used each chapter to gradually build, piece by painstaking piece, the most vivid characterisations. And what wonderful creations they are !

Clever, subtle, wonderful stuff.

Tonia, the brief opening paragraph is excellent and by the end of the first chapter - great hook at the end, by the way - we've settled into the pace of the story. A great deal has happened already, but there's no sense of the plot being over-pressed. A Romance/Thriller asks a lot of the writer. There's the obvious requirement of pace to drive the thriller aspect of the story while the romance area can be allowed to develop in a more leisurely fashion. You bring out both areas in your opening chapter and after reading four more chapters I can see where the story is going.
This is accomplished writing, well edited and with strong imagery to assist the reader's appreciation of the settings and the development of your characters. I can see why this has gained so many admirers; you just gained one more! On my shelf.
Jake.

Here is perhaps one of the most lucid and well written pitches I have read on Authonomy, even though I suppose there are one or two punctuation issues -- like a comma needed after "permanently" in paragraph one of the long pitch. While the genre is not exactly down my main street, it does sound like a book I would like to read.

Here is perhaps one of the most lucid and well written pitches I have read on Authonomy, even though I suppose there are one or two punctuation issues -- like a comma needed after "permanently" in paragraph one of the long pitch. While the genre is not exactly down my main street, it does sound like a book I would like to read.

Thank you for posting this book. I'm so pleased that you start the first chapter with the 'action' while blending the place description in with the action. I like the structure of the first chapter - all I have had time to read at this time - I like the pace and the way that the characters are introduced. I love the end sentence - a page turner for sure. I will read more when time is on my side, but for now I wish you all the luck in the world with this time, Great!...XX...

Hi Tonia,
You don't need any comments now, awaiting THE HC one eagerly, but I wanted to jot down my thoughts quickly.

I have started your book, and found the beginning very skilled in introducing the characters, skimming over past experiences, preparing for an erotic encounter (maybe with a slightly dark edge), and focusing on colloquial surface talk which covers up for deeper feelings underneath.

No wonder your book has found plenty of support, being well written and employing varied literary tools, and from the start there is a lot of promise, with a few metaphysical brush-strokes adding colour and meaning. The multilayering of subjects, including the weather and making light-hearted conversation come across as natural and compelling. The dialogue is packed and tight, and on Chloe's part in this seemed to reveal a somewhat addictive personality who is smitten from the first moment of this chance encounter which foreshadows action and decisive consequences later on.

I found the read enchanting without being stereotype. Best of luck. Ame

Hi Tonia - I saw your post on the Women Only thread and was intrigued to see how a romance and thriller could be combined - what a great idea. Now I see how it's done. I loved the opening scene, and Sarah waking in the hospital - the menace and amnesia is a terrific starter. So in Ch3, when Chloe is now living in Australia, I felt disappointed that she seemed to have made such a complete recovery - no scars on her face, and a strange lack of defence mechanisms to protect her from strangers. I like my stories to be dark, so her instant trust in Tom came as a surprise - I'd have liked an undercurrent of unease, a feeling that although she was drawn to him, all her instincts were crying out to pull back, not get involved. Tom seems to have fallen unequivocally for her at first sight - he's absolutely certain she is the girl for him - whereas my liking for life to be difficult would put some major obstacle in his way - like, he's already engaged or he has some disqualification to be her boyfriend. I agree with the comment below that they cram too much into the dialogue - imagine this being a film, how pared down the speech would be - they would have to suggest, imply, guess, leave unsaid, lots of information, making the reader or viewer work harder [you are too kind to us!] I'd also like more of a stream of consciousness from Stratton throughout, so that we can never relax and enjoy the romance, because he's out there in the world somewhere, waiting... And some trace of him should still remain at the wedding - not an actual threat, but a memory or something that makes their present bliss all the stronger because of what they have come through - maybe the Grandfather could convey some of that. I know this made the desk and has probably been published. I wonder if this was the final draft?

hi
had this on my reading list for a while, but only just got around to reading it. I'ms surprized its not already been published , it seems so polished. Not my usual choice of genre, but enjoyed the first few chapters. the characters have plenty of depth and the tension is kept very well. Wish you all the luck with this.
thanks for a good read
barbara
Awakening the Magic

I've just read the first chapter and the words seem to have flowed off the pen. I love the way the writer takes the reader in and out of the characters' consciences and gently builds up the intrigue surrounding Chloe's past. I look forward to finishing reading the book.

First off, I should probably mention that this wouldn't be the type of book I would normally read. Having said that, it is beautifully told, moving along at a steady pace that gives you snippets to wet your appetite while ultimately progressing the narrative.

I have only read the first three chapters as I have multiple projects I am working on and I like to read the work of as many authors as I can. I am aware that you are using Australian idioms and spelling so I didn't want to critique the grammar since I'm not at all well-versed in that field. I did, however, want to point out in Chapter 3, you say: "How terribly, terribly naice of you." If this isn't a typo then please excuse my ignorance. All the best with the novel but from what I read, I can see how it was awarded a gold medal. I would love if you could critique my debut novel "Opening Night" but as I know everyone has time constraints, I'll understand if you choose not too.

Good luck,

Chris

I enjoyed your dialogue and structure. It made for a great read from a writing sense. Although it is not in the genre I normally read, I felt the book is well written. Best of luck. Please remember December Gold in your reviews and reading.

Hi Tonia,
Congratulations 2012 has began very auspiciously for you.
Happy New Year
George

I have to say, this is good, very good, and truly deserves its spot on the ED.
I have only read the first chapter, and a long chapter it is, but the intrigue you have woven into it let time slip by hardly noticed. Tom has to be up to something, don't know what, but there seems to be an underlying threat of things to come, maybe sinister, maybe not, but it's there. And that motorcycle, you mention it twice, the first time I had an idea you mentioned it for a specific reason, then, reading on, it slipped my mind, and then again, BAM! It was back.

A piece worthy of anyone's spare time, glad I read it.

Lisa. x

PS, are these two sentences right?
“There was a Miss Lilywhite was one of her favourites” (There was a) seems wrong.
“Yes, looking a pretty black out there.” The (a) seems wrong.

I can't believe I've just found this book! Love the story, and the character development is great. Highly backed and starred.

Hi Tonia,

I'm happy to back your book! I hope it goes to #1 Good Luck!!

Beth Davis
I Never Saw It Coming

I read all 24 chapters and loved them all!! I love the MCs, the story/plot and all the action. If I had one complaint it would be that I thought Tom & Chloe fell in love too soon (one day?) I thought there could have been more of a "chase" to their romance, maybe that's just me, anyway I really liked your easy-to-read style. Good job!

Beth Davis
I Never Saw It Coming

Tonia,
I like what I have read so far, it is a great start for a romance with a difference.
I also like thrillers with enjoyable characters, bad or good, but other than Frank trying to get into Chloe's drawers and him being floored and kicked by Chloe(nice touch) still no sign of the baddy biker. I was expecting a pot shot by now -- through 8. I am sure the murderous plot will start soon but I am not sure HC will wait for the real action to start.
ch1 - Tom comes on the scene --- para starts-- "Look I'm sorry ---" 2nd sentence does not make sense or am I missing something --- (There was a ) Miss Lilywhite was one of her favourites.
ch 5 -- Tom speaking -- Mari(a)n -- elsewhere same section --Marion
Your story will be in HC's hands at the start of the new year so please have a look at above errors! There is a very bad comma one also in 6 or 7 - before and after an -- and -- totally unnecessary -- I'll get back to you on this when I find it again. I use commas a lot as well so I shouldn't speak but worth fixing this one.
I am enjoying what I am reading so far and will get back to you. Good luck with HC. Jim

How did I miss this?! Two words .. LOVE IT ..

Good luck with the review thingy :)

Michelle

Blue Diamonds - by Tonia Marlowe
I am in 5 chapters and was hooked from the Prologue. This work deserves its ranking and more. It is well constructed, fast paced, and easy to read and follow. Your introduction of the characters and plot development is wrapped in a fine writing style making the reading easy. There are many "good" works on this site, but this is easily in a class of its own. Blue Diamonds is on my shelf until I finish it.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Ranindancer

The end ?

Structured chaos ; the writing deftly portioned into vignetttes of action, but crafted in underlying ensemble, each part a necessary ingredient, each ingredient vital to the mix. The writer fluctuates from the genuinely terrifying monologue of Stratton ( by being gagged, Chloe is rendered more vulnerable, and the writer cleverly puts the reader in the perpective of one who is forced to listen to the capricious rantings of a madman without the power to respond ) to the unswerving resolve of Tom to protect that which he covets. Here the writer uses her talents to lend balance to the confusion, the balance being the drive in Stratton to seek death, and in Tom, the drive to preserve life.

Stratton fires his postol at the sky - a meaningless act, given the firing power of the weapon, but symbolic. Stratton's hatred ( and madness ) overshadows his reason, but more importantly, it exemplifies the futility of everything Stratton stands for. Tom climbs down from above. Another wonderfully symbolic touch. Tom must reduce himself to Stratton's feral ambitions, for this is the only way to bring conclusion to the madness.

The pistol is dispensed with, substituted by the blade. An almost sexual act. To Stratton, violence is sex. Tom hopes to use Stratton's madness to his advantage, and in the end, is victorious. Stratton steps into oblivion. A conscious act ? Ms. Marlowe is far too talented to tell, and so we must draw our own conclusions. We know he survives - man's instinct to do harm and cause destruction can't easily be extinguished.

This chapter is fast, hard bitten, blissfully subtle, and above all else, beautifully told.

Ladies and gentlemen, read this again, and savour every word. We have a writer in our midst.

The end ? Hardly.

There's a lovely clarity to your writing and I'm intrigued, so putting it on my shelf for a proper read. From the comments it sounds very enjoyable so can't wait...

Hey, SAS soldiers, did you have real life encounters with one of them or did you think it up? Just curious. These guys have very strong sense of self worth, letting one down is a bad idea. The whole story makes sense psychologically. You are very good at writing the tension and telling the story. Six stars!

Sorry Tonia, I have a puppy labrador that is gorgeous but extremely needy. I was distracted last night but I have now slipped you up on said shelf. Good luck, Chris.

Rank no.4 Tonia - nosebleed material. I've stuck you on my shelf to strengthen your position.
Now, would you stop putting all and sundry on your shelf and stick me up there - I need some help here!
Losing it fast, Sully.

Hi,
I dont know if i actually got to comment on your book. I just saw it...sorry for this gaffe, but really i never knew of this boo before simply because i never went through the book lists having so many on my WL for so long but nw that i was finally free of my lists i went browsing and saw yours amongst others..not to mention i noticed it making the desk. I read all of it yesterday and i found it very very nice...very mills and boon you know. I wish you the best, and i daresay my adding you to my shelf now may not be very helpful to you at this stage, but i shall do so anyway.
Best of luck
Nagwa
THE MIST and LIFE MAKES A NOVEL

Just getting started on your book. It is filled with mystery right from the start. I love the way you get into Chloe's thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading more of it. I'll keep you posted.

Take care, Joy

Just getting started on your book. It is filled with mystery right from the start. I love the way you get into Chloe's thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading more of it. I'll keep you posted.

Take care, Joy

I couldn't put it down! Great writing=great reading! Is this your first book? I can't imagine you not getting picked up by a publisher. I loved it, backing it, and will be coming back for more! Thanks!!

D. S. Hale

Would love to have the last few chapters emailed to me at melainamansanarez@gmail.com.
I am hooked!

Hi Tonia. Chapter 1 does read a bit better now, but I'd still like you to be more ruthless with your editing. Your dialogue is still a little unrealistic and too wordy.
You should read Stephen King's book 'On Writing'. Amongst many other do's and don'ts, highlighted in the book, he pushes home the point to edit, edit and edit again. Pare it down to the bare bones.
However skilled and famous a writer is, their first or second draft is never the one that ends up in the book shop. Even successful authors can be looking at a dozen rewrites before their publishers are happy with the end product.
Good example in one of your early para's: 'Told you about the mining engineer stuff and the travel. Like sailing, sail-boarding, skiing, cricket, running half-marathons, flying planes, jumping out of planes, all that sort of thing'.
Whew! I was exhausted by the time I got to the ent of that list. If those pastimes are not crucial to Tom's personality, or the story in general, cut all or most of them out. It just feels like you're padding out your story to get the word count up. If it doesn't need to be in there, get rid of it - it's waffle for the sake of it.
Please don't be upset by my remarks Tonia, we all do it - we all try too hard to impress and just end up muddying the water. Good luck, Sully x

Added to my watchlist until I read more. Liked the prologue - really sets the mood of the book. the humour is great so far - I like the interaction between Chloe and the ozzie bloke, Tom.
I too have a prologue - I wasn't sure about using it at first but I've had generally good feedback on it.
Feel free to have a quick look and let me know what you think. I will read more of this and get back to you re backing.

David J Baron - The List

BLUE DIAMONDS
I enjoyed reading the first part of your book. Great pitch--drew me in quickly. Clever story. On my bookshelf, Jambi

Fast paced, exciting read. Strong characterisation. Highly recommended.

Hi Tonia. Very good prologue. I find some of the dialogue in chapter one slightly confusing and a touch messy in its construction. And you have a habit of stating the obvious when your excellent lead up has already told us what is about to happen. By doing so, you are undermining the reader’s intelligence. It’s a lesson I learned from a harsh literary critic.
An example in Chap 1:
‘Startled, she looked around, dropping her pen. She stared, blinked. It was a man who had spoken, then she realised he was who she had sensed standing behind her earlier’. That last sentence is very awkward and doesn’t read well. And, the reader has already guessed that it was the stranger speaking.

Perhaps: ‘...dropping her pen. She stared, blinked. The person on the bench was smiling. He was quite good-looking. ‘Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to read over someone’s shoulder,’ she said indignantly.’

It’s more succinct, punchier and confirms that the reader was right without having to spell it out for him. I've learned that less is more, quite often, in writing. I hope you take these comments as a positive.
Good story though mate.
Cheers, Sully.

Scandalous.

Fabulous. Tonia, I loved the section of this I read. A great title, a great pitch and a pacy, gritty style that drew me along. From the opening line, I knew I was in safe hands. Loved Chloe and loved the novel. Shelved and starred.
Sheila

You clearly have a lot of fans for this book, so I don't know how valuable my comments will be to you, especially given that I'm totally outside of my usual genre preference here. But I promised I would read and comment, so here we go:

I had quite a bit of trouble with the dialogue; it just didn't ring true for me. I realise you're going for the whirlwind romance thing, but it just didn't flow naturally for me and that made it hard to care about the characters. I could have stood for it to be a bit more subtle and a bit less like a checklist of attributes to get out in the first conversation so we know who these people are.

The next part worked better, and I liked the scene between Chase and Stratton. I was curious to know more about Chase and his cat and mouse game.

If I was to offer any advice it would be to get someone to read through the dialogue aloud with you so you can hear how it sounds, and decide whether real people would talk this way. However, I think I'm the only one here who had any problem with it, so it may just be me.

Well done for making the top ten, and good luck with the run for the desk in December. If the response on Autho is anything to go by, I think you will do well with this book. Just not my cup of tea. :)

The pitch drew me into this one. Original and gripping. Backed with pleasure.
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

I feel very honoured to have had the last few chapters emailed to me. I received said email only half an hour ago but I have zoomed through the attachment with greedy delight. (I am a naturally fast reader.)

Ok, I admit - I welled up at the end. Any book that can get me sniffling like a baby is worth a backing, any book that gets emotions flying is worth a backing. It means the author has done a great job in bringing the reader into their world, their characters and the story line.

I'm placed on my shelf because 1) the author is a great writer 2) the story line is complex yet easy to follow 3) the characters are believable 4) it made me blub 5) I see so many poorly written books ranked higher that it galls me. 6) I believe I saw the red arrow on this book recently and it made me cross! oh and 7) My engagement ring is a blue diamond - I'm very fond of them!!! :D

Thank you for sharing this gem (see what I did there?) Tonia - it's excellent!!!

Women only group.
This is really good, Antonia. I've heard good things about Blue Diamonds and it's certainly lived up to expectations. Right from the opening paragraph it's filled with excitement as we're allowed a peek at the evil antoganist. The romantic scene was done without any gushing dialogue, very natural.
Tension from the word go! Cryptic clues planted along the way keep us guessing.
The writing was easy to read, no over complicated explanations or repeated ones.
A smoothe ride in a fast car!
Good luck and best wishes, Orma.

BLUE DIAMONDS
This is an exciting story. I like the way you don’t show us Lillian’s accident; just describe how confusing it was for her to wake up afterward. Really gets your reader into the story fast. I liked this so well I’m adding it to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

I liked the pace of this writing, keeps me interested. The style is crisp, imaginative and knowledgeable. Your efforts to convey chatracters within the setting are successful. the power of Stratton is evident ; he is the controlling one. On my shelf. Would be grateful for a little of your time for mine. well done.

Hi Tonia

Chapter 2, typo, 6th sentence 'wego'

Just spotted this one in chapter 2, sometimes you read a chapter so many times you go word blind to typos!

The major sounds like a nice guy, not! I will read more later today.

Steve

Hi Tonia

Having unintentionally insulted you the other day, I thought it only polite to read your book. Just finished chapter 1 and while not my usual reading material I liked it, it is easy to read and I found myself in the park and coffee shop with them. One small comment, when the man on the bike refered to the errant children as 'little blighters', given his background and the fact that this word has been out of common usage for a long time I think he would have used something a bit stronger.
Now have to work but will be back to read more.
Steve

Hi, Tonia, you were the next in line on the women only list, so here we go. I've read three chapters and I can see how you have got this close to the desk. Your writing is impeccable and you know how to gently move the reader along. You have obviously worked very hard to get everything just right and ready for the desk. In fact the only place I found myself back tracking was somewhere in chapter one, I think it was. Where Tom introduced himself and asked her to spend some more time with him. You say the word 'presence' twice in 2 sentences. I would maybe address this, it would be easy to replace one of them with simply 'him', or 'this man'.
Other than that, I found nothing at all wrong. I can tell it's going to be a great story and would like to read more. Congratulations on getting this far, and fingers crossed for December's desk. Love, Julie. xx

Chapter 9
I decided to read your book when I saw it listed on Orma's "Women Only!" thread. So far I like it. The light romantic side of the plot is sweet even for us non-believers in love at first sight :p The work reads like something I might find in a library written by a well established author who has spent years writing romance but you don't let the lighter side take over. In chapter 2 Stratton gave me the creeps and you interupt Tom and Chloe's time together with reminders of him often enough to keep the thriller readers flying through the chapters waiting for the excitement to begin! Excellent Job. Six well earned stars. :)

Hi,

I've backed this - how could I not? It's well-written, intruiging and it draws the reader on so easily. And is the same kind of field as mine! If it were available in print I would read and enjoy it.

I have a niggle, though, and you may well address it later in the book (I've only read the first two chapters) it's unlikely that an SAS soldier, currently serving or not, would leave a kill undone. Now, it doesn't mean that his "mission" to kill her in the first place might not have failed but it would have to be something beyond the norm of being seen, or injured himself. He would always check to make sure and if she was still alive in the vehicle, finish her off in a way that would fit in with her other injuries. If he was hell-bent on killing her, anyone who got in the way would be seen as collateral damage.

This raises a doubt in my mind that I wish wasn't there because the rest seems excellent. I would suggest that in Statton's thoughts he mentions something about the failure to over-come this.

Oh, one final thought - and it is just a thought - how sure are you that he would be a Major? Officers in the SAS are not usually the "grunts" - eg the blunt instruments. Any officer would have the training, but it's the Blades that carry out the tough work. Maybe that's why the mission to kill her in the first place failed? It would be a good additional twist that would please those in the know! lol However, as I read his thoughts, he didn't seem to think like an Officer to me either - more like an NCO. But only people like me would even notice it, so feel free to ignore.

But other than that - well done :-)

Chapter 3
I enjoyed the read. It flowed, never slowing me down. If anything, it confirmed my thought that having those brief interventions from Stratton detract from the tension. Well done.

I've read through chapter 6. I was a little bit worried that she succumbed to temptation with this complete stranger so quickly but the revelation of who he was and his contacts with everybody left me more comfortable. Sure, it's a remarkable coincidence that he lives in the same block but hey, it IS a novel. Most importantly, the writing is smooth, the characterisation works.

Chapter 2
Well written. But I did wonder when Stratton came out with his statement "I thought she'd be grateful." I found it strange he'd come out with something like that. The rest, sure. It fits his supposed reason for trying to find Chloe/Sarah. We've certainly upped the ante, with a veritable myriad of people following and being followed. Chase sends Stratton to Qld, and only then remembers there might be a connection with Chloe. OK, but wouldn't that concern him a little, given his assessment of Stratton? Just a thought.

This is well written and smooth enough for the editor in me to rear her ugly head. First of all, would I read on? Yes, I would – will. I enjoyed the 'bodice ripper' bit. I went along for the ride when Tom turned up, although given her background, a little more reticence (even in her head) might be more convincing. You conveyed a good feeling of place and I certainly accepted the description of the weather. The end of Ch 1 has a great hook.

I don't feel you need the section from Stratton's POV at the start. The beginning after that, with Chloe in the hospital, is dramatic enough, IMO. Readers will have read the blurb, so we know there has been an attempt on her life. Keeping Stratton shadowy has its benefits.

I struggled a little with Chapter 1. Chloe watches the rain in Qld then refers back to Sydney. I know you're filling in back story, which is fine, but we don't refer back to 'here we are in Qld'. She finishes research for a client (what the hey? - we were just looking at the rain on her window, where did work come from?) And then she takes her editing work out to Redlands to sit on the grass. Guess the rain had stopped. These are fairly trivial in the scheme of things but they're especially important in Ch 1.

Again, you drop in a section from Stratton's POV, so we KNOW he's going to turn up at the coffee shop. I suspect the impact might have been greater if the reader wasn't warned.

You often use words like 'she noticed', 'she decided'. They're not necessary. You're in her POV so they're really an intrusion from a narrator.

Chapter 5
This book really isn't working for me because I read it in a way that is almost the opposite of what I think is your intention. Stratton, the superduper villain, comes over so far as nasty but ineffectual and no match for Chase and his apparently abundant resources. Whilst Tom seems to me to be as sinister as hell, and his romantic overtures, of which we have more in this chapter, make my skin crawl. I think one could buy into this story only if one was versed in and accepted uncritically the conventions of old-fashoned Women's Romance. This may be absolutely fine for a huge female readership. But I am genuinely surprised that you are getting a good response from male readers. It just shows that I understand nothing.

Chapter 4
This scene is credible only within the conventions of a traditional Women's Romance. With his apartments and clearly loaded, Tom is obviously His Grace the Duke of Oz. Maybe this is OK for the target readership: I can't say. To me Tom comes over like a stalker and any woman - let alone one with Chloe's history - would run a mile from him