Heartless

Interesting opening chapter, Francesca hit Duke and starts flirting with Drake. Rabbit stew, it sounds yummy. I liked the opening chapter, but found a few minor things. I listened to the first chapter, some parts were very smooth and others a little rough. I'm not sure if that is a language barrier, because I am an American (some of the verbs seemed odd "leant" for example, bugger isn't anything that an American would say, you used round when I thought you should have used around). Leaving out "he said" and "she said" made listening to it kind of awkward in places as in the transition to dialog was not as smooth. I thought in places it was kind of wordy("torrent of tears" instead of "tears"; "a smartly dressed woman wearing a beige raincoat" instead of "a woman in a raincoat"), and choice of words sometimes broke the smoothness of the read ("stiletto" instead of "heel"). Overall, it was a good read and very enjoyable.

Hi there,

I like the flow of dialogue and found that it drew me in. I don't have much to offer in way of suggestions, except for a few minor things I noticed in the first two chapters (that's as far as I got for now though I will be back to read some more). A few times you used the word 'leant' when I think you meant 'leaned.' And also 'alright' - I think it's two seperate words: "all right."

I found the line about the doctor coming in to be a little bit awkward and think it could be rephrased a little.

Otherwise I didn't encounter anything else that made me pause and I think you have a great story idea!

Best of luck

Rachelle
Undaunted

Sue,

I added this to my watchlist the otehr day to read, and finished the first short chapter. I really like it, so will leave it where it is for the time being.

You have wonderful flowing narrative and great believable dialogue. I actually thought Fran was about to mow down the line of teenagers because she was so distracted by seeing her husband with another woman, you probably have a more believable version!

Best regards
Warrick

Hi Sue ...

Have I read this before ... Perhaps somewhere else? I seem to remember this from a while ago but am not sure.
This is up to your usual standard and have placed it on my shelf for a couple of days and star rated ... Regards ... Duncan.

Hello Ms. Edwards,
I just read the first three chapters of Heartless, great work I will say. I also read some of the comments to see mostly what folks have been commenting on. I am in agreement with rob1969 and triciapixel. The story flows smoothly, the characters are life like, and I found myself having to tear myself away from the book. It is a wonderful read that I've watch listed for now till I rotate my shelf next month. Once again, great job!

Not something I thought I'd like (the genre really) but I like this. Have to go to bed, but will carry on over the next day or two.

Not something I thought I'd like (the genre really) but I like this. Have to go to bed, but will carry on over the next day or two.

I just read six chapter straight through and took a peek at the seventh. This is a great book! What an inventive premise. Immediately, Fran is a sympathetic character. First, she sees proof of her husband's infidelity, then hits a dog. But, it's fate. There's instant chemistry between Fran and Drake. It's genius the way you flash back to Drake's past, effortlessly interweaving the backstory in an engaging way that makes me yearn to read on. I was disappointed at the end of each chapter because I knew the read was coming to an end.

Nathan and Simone are easy to hate. It's bad enough to sleep with someone else's husband, but to write about it? I hope to see the worse possible outcome for those two. Chapter 7 gives a glimpse into the depth of Nathan's deception.

Basically, I love this book. It's exactly the sort of book I'd pluck from the shelf in the bookstore. You've done a brilliant job with this and I wish you the best of luck. Remind me I've promised to back it when you get a little closer to the desk.

Hi Sue,

Before I begin my review of heartless, let me first of all offer my sincere applause for your previous work, A Boy Called George. To make the desk is one thing, to make it with your heart on your sleeve with a tale such as this is not only highly commendable but brave beyond belief.

Heartless

I like the premise and the idea of the mistress penning an erotic novel about the affair – both pitches introduced the idea well and the long one fed in enough back-story to make me want to read.

I am immediately drawn to your style. Good mix of sentence length, description and dialogue all of which you handle well. It is immediately obvious that you have written a novel before because the pass is even and it flows along nicely without ever feeling forced.

I note people have commented on the head hoping with POV changes between Francesca and Drake. In the nicest possible way, ignore them for they know not what they say. POV shift is not some sort of cardinal sin, it’s a tool that can, and in your case is, used to great effect. Selby, Burroughs, Kafka, the list of head-hoppers is endless and you are right to embrace this approach because out of an experimental approach comes greatness rather than banality.

Too many people concern themselves with the minutiae of a word here, a comma there, without ever seeing the bigger picture. The feel, the voice, the uniqueness of the tale and I am pleased to say that you are not one of them.

You get and deliver the bigger picture and you do so very well.

I have skim read your chapters due to time constraints but I will be back for a proper read. I really do like this, a lot. When I rotate my shelf in the New Year, Heartless will be going up on it for a good spell.

Sue, none of what I have put is in any way written in order to get feedback or a reciprocal read from you. I don’t comment to get comments and I always put what I really think – it’s important for me that you know that.
You really do have the makings of a cracking book. I have specifically not commented on typo’s or grammar because that belongs to a whole different type of review – a line edit. If you wish I will help with this. But to be honest, I don’t think you need help. I am confident you will sweep up the odd nit during the edit and produce yet another desk bound book.

Congratulations and good luck.

Rob

Just like your first novel, this novel is also very good! You have a wonderful way of putting words together. Great editing on your work. Very believable, very plausible, and your characters are very real. Not real sure about the name Drake Harrington and then his dog being called Duke. But that's just me. Take it with a grain of salt

Keep up the great work!

Sincerely

D. S. Hale

Heartless.
By Sue Edwards.

Certainly a good hook to your story as Francesca drops Nathan off at the airport.
The sudden realisation, as her fears are confirmed in the rear view mirror.
Her husband was having an affair after all.
A dramatic opening to the book.
The meeting up with Drake Harrington following the accident with his dog was timely; it keeps the book moving nicely along. The ladies will love this, and his name, very manly.
I could see that by the time they dined at Francesca’s house, there was more than friendship in the eyes of both of them.
There’s a lot more to this story and it has good potential, Drake is an ex- doctor with the tragic loss of his wife hanging over him. He still misses her even after twelve years.
I pictured him older than Francesca, I don’t know why I thought this. I’m sure ages are not mentioned, if they were, I missed that part.
I really think that your book will do well. It’s not my usual read but I like the storyline and the description, it’s so natural.
I didn’t come across anything negative with your writing...its well above average in my opinion.
The same goes for the punctuation, although it’s not my best field, to be honest.
I’ve star rated it high and wish you the best with it.
Well done!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Love the concept here, Sue. I have a strong feeling I've read this somewhere else - was it ever on Youwriteon? Maybe not. Sorry if I've got it wrong!
Anyway, great premise and strong opening chapters. Very good characterisation too - was drawn into Francesca's world immediately. On my shelf.
Sheila

I like this a lot so far, but the first paragraph of chapter two is a bit confusing - trying ot get too much into into too short a paragraph? Looking forward to reading more.

Yes, I like this very much and I backed it. I especially like the descriptions of understandable anger Francesca feels when she thinks about Nathan and Simon(e)!

"The wind howled across the car park spitting up dust. Francesca pulled her coat close to her chest screwing up her face against the bitter chill". Very good!

When she asked Drake to dinner I said "good for her" out loud.

However, having both the points of view of Francesca AND Drake is very ambitious and difficult to pull off. In ch3, "Drake paced the room noting the subtle scent of beeswax". Suddenly, the narrative has switched to describe Drake's point of view and not Francesca's. She could only guess he was noting the scent of beeswax. The 200 word synopsis suggests it might be his deceased wife he's thinking about.

Why not stick with Francesca's observations about Drake? They're good, and it would expand if you just described what Francesca sees:

"Drake paced the room noting the subtle scent of beeswax" could become, "Francesca headed out with the empty log basket and caught sight of Drake sniffing, the beeswax getting up his nose probably."

I also imagine Drake trying to take hold of the empty log basket and Francesca wrestling it off him only to remember that Nathan was the king of the log basket, and in his absence Francesca might not have a blooming clue where the logs actually were, or maybe I've been married too long.

Anyway, very good. Loads of luck! Best wishes etc. I think this has got it.

Hi Sue, interesting tale you've painted...nice flow of story telling
On WL for now.

jim
London in Love

You set the scene clearly, the dialogue is realistic, the characters are engaging. I've gotten through the first chapter, I'm going to WL for now.

If you have some time I'd appreciate the support of The Emblem of Eternity, a YA novel inspired by the murder of Larry Fobes King, who was shot in the head after asking a boy in his class to be his Valentine.

-Raziel

As expected, competent, alive and convincing. Good realistic dialogue. I have already had it on my shelf and I don't think putting it back makes any difference, does it?

Hey there...finished what you have so far. Liked it....Let me know when you have added more please! I have fallen in love with Drake...can I have him? :) Ruby

Hi there,
Just finished the first three chapters of your charming story, and looking forward to reading more!
My only suggestion would be to have Drake a little more shaken up about his dog...too calm, but then he is a doctor and a man, so both those qualities would affect his emotional reactions, I suppose:)
Also, the first paragraph at the vet's office was a little confusing. I didn't know who Doug was, and when I saw the word surgery, I did not realize that you were referring to the vet's office until I reread it. I was surprised that Doug was not referred to Dr., but then if they are close friends, that would explain it.
And I will be back because I want to know more!!! Put on WL, starred, and will rotate to shelve asap! (It is obvious that you are a dog lover from your writing, which means I automatically place you in high regard!!! xRuby

I'm wondering how a few tiny changes would look.

Francesca pulled up at departures and glanced at her husband sitting beside her in the passenger seat.
“Sure you won’t need picking up?” she asked.
Nathan Hope already had the car door open. “No, not to worry - It’s pointless you dragging out at three in the morning. I’ll catch a lift with Simon.” He leant over and pecked her cheek. “Thanks, Fran. See you Saturday.” Before she had the chance to answer, he slammed the door behind him and fetched his case from the back.
Francesca watched him disappear through the glass entrance, his raincoat flapping in his wake. For a moment, she thought he might turn around and wave. A peck on the cheek seemed hardly adequate after twenty years of marriage, but that’s what it amounted to - cold calculated politeness.

She 'pulled up' at departures'
She 'pulled up' at the Zebra crossing (what's a Zebra crossing... is she near a zoo?)
She does a lot of 'pulling up.' ...and one 'pulled to a halt'.

She 'glanced' at Nathan twice in the first few paragraphs... she's a real glancer, that girl.

Hey, Sue... what kind of car do you drive? I never saw a volume lever on a steering wheel. Probably some weird Brit car -:)

According to the POV of the preceding sentence, the dog ran his fingers down the dog's spine. I saw this type of thing several places.

When a car slams into my dog, I kinda react. As a matter of fact, I freak out. I'd calm down when I found that the dog was all right, but initially, I'd be $?*@^%$#^. I found the guy's initial reaction unbelievable.

I'm assuming this guy is going to be a love interest. How bout just a short sentence... her noticing he's attractive?

(ok, I'll shut up, now)

I like your voice. It's forthright and honest, and believable. Imo, your dialogue is very natural. Francesca is easy to identify with, and likeable. The only suggestion I have on your C.1 is that Drake might be more attractive if he showed a bit more concern for his dog--just another line or two, maybe to the dog, something endearing to make him seem more compassionate. Best of luck with it!

Here's a little of my take so far. Remember, I'm an amateur. I'll do some more, later.

Doug’s broad Aussie accent hadn’t softened at all since she’d brought her first puppy Setter, Boise, for his jabs almost ten years ago. (the way this new chapter opens, I expect the POV to be Doug's... a little jolted when it continues with 'she'd bought'... took a second to realize the POV was 'probably Francesca. Took me an instant to get 'puppy Setter, Boise'... probably just me being American-the capitol of Idaho is Boise... no idea what 'for his jabs' means... this whole first sentence was a stumbler for me)
Francesca glanced around the waiting room, realising how much the surgery had changed, though. (I'd leave out 'had' and 'though.')
Marble floor tiles replaced the old cracked red linoleum that reminded her of old Mr Gibbons’ weathered face. ('replaced' is past tense, 'reminded her' is present tense, or at least that's how it feels to me) He’d (Doug?) scolded her once for leaving her rabbit’s teeth to grow too long. (no idea what that sentence means) She cried herself to sleep that night, expecting the RSPCA to turn up and take Marco away. (is 'Marco another dog?) The mis-matched chairs had gone too, along with Mr Gibbons himself, so had the smell of wet dog and mice.

Review//Heartless by Sue Edwards

It's a steadily paced read in the first two chapters, but i'm not sure you set the proper tone in the first two chapters. It is of course probably a tendency of mine, but I'm immediately concerned about the dog and the drama that is coupled with that, but it switches to a romantic tone at the end of Chapter 2. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think I can judge the book by its opening chapters :-). On a technical scale, I think you are great with concise language and story telling (kind of the effect i go for when I write) and the story is moving right along without leaving the reader falling down by the wayside. I might add a lighter tone in the opening chapters (unless this isn't a lighter book), but I think it works. 5 stars.

Heartless, by Sue Edwards

Chapters 1 & 2


Hi Sue, 

I’ll read through and maybe offer some running notes and thoughts and then give an overall impression. It’s all just one ignorant man’s opinion of course. Anything below is just for you to reflect on more than anything. I’ll maybe seem picky sometimes, I do that sometimes when I’m wanting to give fuller feedback. But it really is all to be treated just as suggestions and IMHO.

I'm just going to give my normal sort of feedback as best I can even though I'm out of my normal reading areas.


Chapter 1

[Francesca Hope pulled up at departures and glanced at her husband, Nathan, sitting beside her in the passenger seat.]
- Do you need the commas to separate Nathan there? Yep. I'm that much of picky reader. But it seems a smoother line without.


[“No, not to worry - It’s pointless you dragging out at three]
- mis-type
“No, not to worry - It’s pointless dragging you out at three


[A peck on the cheek seemed hardly adequate after twenty years of marriage, but that’s what it amounted to - cold calculated politeness.]
A peck on the cheek. It hardly seemed adequate after twenty years of marriage. But that’s what it amounted to. Cold calculated politeness.


[only to see Nathan reappear.]
Cool. Story is started already. Immediate intrigue.


[It confirmed, in her heart, what she’d known all along.]
- this line seems a bit weak considering what she's just witnessed. Unless she is a forlorn character, which she might well turn out to be. Or maybe its an early turning point for a forlorn character.

Just to suggest an alternate.

She took a deep breath; unwilling to let the lump already in her throat turn into a torrent of tears. It confirmed, in her heart, what she’d known all along. This had been going on for years. Nathan had just refused to admit it.


[“Bastard,” she muttered, frantically clicking the volume lever on the steering wheel to drown her thoughts.]
- Yeah. I do that - volume down sometimes to think. I'm sure people will recognise that behaviour. Nice touch.


[Savage Garden, ground the hurt deeper with the classic heartbreaker, ‘Truly Madly Deeply’.]
- do you need the first comma in this line?


[The man crouched down and patted the dog. “Those damn rabbits are gonna be the death of you, boy. When will you learn, eh?” ]
- a very calm reaction. And here is our hero. Yes?


Rest of the chapter read smoothly and easily for me. From the little I know seemed like a Romance except that I'm told Romances are very heavy on the show rather than the tell. I've tried reading some before and one had so much show I felt like I was cramming my mouth with milk tray chocs one after another. That's maybe not of any use to you but I did say I was ignorant of this genre so you've only yourself to blame if I'm talking to no purpose :).

But, I have no physical impression of Drake. Not massively of Fran now I think about it. His hair colour, his height, build. I'd imagine that maybe there should be some of that kind of thing.

The ending of the chapter was a bit weak I thought. It could work well to end just with this. It leaves plenty hanging in the air. And what is cut was a wee bit dull and not pertinent to the characters or story.

“Positive,” she said.


Chapter 2

[Doug’s broad Aussie accent hadn’t softened at all since she’d brought her first puppy Setter, Boise, for his jabs almost ten years ago.]
I might use 'Francesca' rather than 'she' her to keep things clear, and then use 'She to start the next paragraph.

Doug - is this our hero?


[Marble floor tiles]
I'm only saying this because you asked about it being Romance. Did you see that Mills and Book Competition? There were 21 finalists. I read 3 first chapters. One had the Milk Tray, the other two had marble floors in the first two paragraphs.


[The mis-matched chairs had gone too, along with Mr Gibbons himself, so had the smell of wet dog and mice.]
The mis-matched chairs had gone with Mr Gibbons too, and also the smell of wet dog and mice.


[No sooner she’d said it Doug emerged from the hallway holding an X-ray.]
That sentence gave me pause. It could be just fine and just me. Seems like a connector word missing between 'it' and 'Doug'. Maybe 'than', maybe 'and'. Not sure.


[Doug moved forward and placed his hand on her shoulder.]
- Doug, our hero? I'm just saying this mainly to show how little I understand this genre.


[“He’s away.Business.”]
- typo - missing space
“He’s away. Business.”


[kindness radiating from the depth of his dark eyes.]
Nice line for a Romance I would think.


[All of a sudden, something that seemed perfectly innocent didn’t seem quite so innocent anymore.]
Another nice line in a Romance I would have thought.


[They laughed and suddenly the tension eased.]
Nice last line, I think.


Overall, Sue, as an ignorant reader, I can definitely see elements of Romance, but not as strong and as, well, sort of thick and rich from my very, very limited reading experience. I know there are all kinds of Romance styles so probably best just to ignore me.

I wonder as well if Nathan is really having an affair, if there is some relatively innocent explanation for his actions…but then Fran said it's been going on for years so maybe not.

Wonder as well how the title will play into this. Who is the 'Heartless' one?

I think it works well, but maybe more show if you want to go for the Romance. I can see it going into other directions based on deception and possibly nefarious plans.

Hope there is something useful up there. Thanks for inviting me to the read.


Best,

John

I don't know if you meant this but this was the most inadvertently funny first chapter i have read in a long time.

The speed with which we are introduced to the characters in the protagonists life is astounding, this is such a caffeinated plot.

One immediately knows one is in chick lit territory when we have to listen to savage garden on the radio. girls really like this especially the lead singer in his dreamy eyes.

But then when we have the moment when the dog is run over and the two characters are too busy chatting about rabbits and damage to cars, and all the while the dogs leg is broken-I mean did he actually manipulated the bone to see if it was an open close fracture? I can only mention this because I happen to be a vet surgeon .

Like I said it's the speed with which things move forward that astounds me and I think that logic reality just get completely lost

I'd like to say that this novel from the very first chapter feels to me as if it's been written by Hunter S Thompson, it's just turbocharged with so many motifs of the mainstream genre Busters.

Hello Sue:

This is not normally my genre, but as your other readers have commented, I, too, found this story to be heartwarming in an odd kind of way-despite the circumstances of the story.

May you find wonderful success in its publication.

James

I really love this story. There is such a lightness of touch, and every word fits beautifully into its setting. The result is a flawless little gem which I will hope to read to the end. Beautiful and highly rated. Definitely on my WL so that I go back to it. Six stars. Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-))

thanks so much for your nice feedback! I love the summary on this.... its on my WL... backing and comments to come soon :)

The 25 words made me smile, so it's on my WL for when I have shelf space.

this was so easy to read even though it was dealing with fairly big stuff! i like the familiar tone your writing has- like conversation between friends.
i am intrigued about where it will go, and was surprised with the development of bigamy. it promises to be a complex plot, and i expect it will go to print!
jen small

Fantastic opening chapter - I can't wait to read more.

Jen Chatfield

When ever I pick up a book to read, the first chapter determines weather I could set back and enjoy reading it all the way through. I must say the first chapter was brillantly well written and was action packed throughout. There was never a dull moment in any of the three chapters I just read through. A successful chick-lick book in the making you have there. Really felt the emotion Fran felt finding out her cold hearted husband has some other women waiting in the wings. Using the Savage Garden the most well known Love song around Truly Madly Deeply really gave the impact of how heartbroken she felt at that moment. Overall The first chapter is amazing and well written- one of the best openings I have read in recent weeks. The emotion of knocking the dog down came out of nowhere, which added to the impact of Frans nightmare of a day. I love the story and the heart felt moments. Look foward the reading more soon:) Well done and Good luck:)

When ever I pick up a book to read, the first chapter determines weather I could set back and enjoy reading it all the way through. I must say the first chapter was brillantly well written and was action packed throughout. There was never a dull moment in any of the three chapters I just read through. A successful chick-lick book in the making you have there. Really felt the emotion Fran felt finding out her cold hearted husband has some other women waiting in the wings. Using the Savage Garden the most well known Love song around Truly Madly Deeply really gave the impact of how heartbroken she felt at that moment. Overall The first chapter is amazing and well written- one of the best openings I have read in recent weeks. The emotion of knocking the dog down came out of nowhere, which added to the impact of Frans nightmare of a day. I love the story and the heart felt moments. Look foward the reading more soon:) Well done and Good luck:)

I loved the way you just charged straight into this with action. Your MC instantly provokes empathy from the reader and its partly because of the way its written, although simply, the phrasing shows emotional depth…you’re not just stating something but showing us. Your dialogue flows nicely and is realistic. I also like that your chapter is very quick and we are pulled through it nicely with action after action and not a great deal of introspection to muddle the beginning and drag it along. And when that dog get hits, wow, felt my own stomach drop. As a romance you’ve done, I feel wonderful and stayed with the genre expectation of us seeing the love interest very quickly and in that first chapter. Well done.

“the chance to answer, he slammed the door behind him and fetched his case from the back.”----boot or backseat

“cold calculated politeness.” ----love this – and as soon as I read peck on the cheek before he jumped out, I thought the same thing.

Good luck with this.

Read the first two chapters. This has a dishy, soapy feel to it-Danielle Steele-ish. Like the budding romance w/the dog guy and Francesca. Also like how you move the story along at the very first page. Nice work.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

An interesting start but not exactly a page-turner. Maybe it will pick up pace in Ch 2; I know some people like this sort of story. One little typo: alright should be all right.
Can I interest you in reading my historical novel, set in Bedford in 1820 but moving to Melbourne twenty years later? It's called 'Lift Up Your Voice'?
Maybe we can share reads.

Hmm, Chick-Lit. Hmm, Romance. Not the best start for this reader, but what do I know about anything? The title and cover are a great match, pitches well honed and wonderfully effective, so I read on with anticipation.
Okay, read all there is to read. Conclusion - if all Chick Lit were as well written, well crafted and paid such particular care to character development as Heartless, it would be a genre with a far wider appeal. hell, I already knew you could write - I've read your work in the past - but this one could just be rather special. Backed.
Jake

Your writing has a natural flow that draws the reader along through the pleasing narrative. Your descriptions are just sufficient to colour the prose adding more strength to the story, with the proficiency of an expert. I'm backing it with 6 stars.
Jendai.

PS Can somebody tell the Webmaster this is an English Website and deserves an English dictionary with normal spelling, rather than the childish changes made by our colonial friends!

I'd much rather Francesca had run over her husband than the dog. It was a good read. I couldn't tell if the part in chapter three that was offset by ***where he tells about the ER was just a temporary annotation or if that's how you planned on leaving it. It was the only part that seemed abrupt , otherwise everything flowed well.
BEST
BS
HAKTAW HEART

Great reading, I must say. You have an ability to build up the characters so that we feel as if we know them, then we get to know them even better. Excellent pace - like taking steps on the well-groomed trail through the rain forest.

I've splashed you with stars and will find a place on my shelf in the near future!

Justis Call
Snow Bound

I've read all the chapters that have been uploaded. The skip gave me the chance to peek ahead and see what is going on but I'd love to see the missing chapters to see how times elapses and what is going on between the characters in the gap. You have created characters that the reader can connect with, drawing you into their tale. I would read further if more chapters were uploaded.

Nicely written, your story flows wonderfully and paints the picture of what you are telling, The reaction to the suspected infadelity felt true to life without over dramatizing the situation. As well as the encounter with Drake with the accidental accident with his dog bringing on the chance meeting. I wish i had time to read more.

Heartless is extremely well written and perfectly captures the romance and conflicts that underpin this excellent story.

At first I thought that author Sue Edwards was penning a literary fiction tale. The characterization, their inner-most thoughts, and the complex plot seems to lend itself to a literary fiction work. I think a lot of chiclit readers will be surprised at the depth that Edwards brings to the story and the characters. This is not a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Even though most chiclit that I’ve seen is poorly written romantic drivel or over-sexed erotica, that does not mean that an author with real talent could not come into the genre and begin sweeping up readers with chiclit for adults. Telling a good story is telling a good story regardless of the genre, and Edwards apparently knows this well.

All the touchstones for chiclit are there, so normal readers of this type of genre should not fear. But the tale of main character Francesca Hope rises above that in a lot of ways. Hope is placed in an interesting situation that is nonetheless believable. And Edwards gives us perfectly detailed descriptions of what is going on using sensory words to make the story more intimate.

Heartless flows off the page with ease. It’s a perfect beach vacation type read, and would play well within the book club circuit as well. In fact, I’m sure Heartless will capture a lot of fans once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Obviously, the writing is excellent. The downplay of "departures" stopped me because I had to think "you mean at the airport." What about introducing some aircraft "noises" and "finally saw the DEPARTURES sign.? Backed.

I've read all of the chapters, and I must say I loved it!! You are a great writer! Please let me know when you upload some more! I really want to read the rest!!
Good work!!
Alret
xxxxx

Chapter 4
"her breath warmed the small space bewteen us." [I loved that!!! so intimate]
He really love his wife didn't he?
I could just picture it in my mind, sally pushing herself up on her elbow, staring at him, waiting to break the great news!
On to chapter 5....

Awh,,,its so sweet the way Francesca worries about the dog! I instantly get the kind of character she is!
Getting on with chapter two now, I'm gonna love this! I can already tell!
I'll comment some more after chapter 2 and 3.
Alret
(^^,)

great read sue!! great subject matter . . well done . .will be back to read more!!
DML

You had me at your short pitch, Sue - obviously being a writer I'm drawn to characters who write and this makes it a very interesting variation on a time-tested story. The twist with the dog was great - though I wonder if it should be so obvious so soon that Drake is a love interest?
 I also wondered if Francesca's husband would be so careless about meeting his mistress econds after she drops him off - or maybe after all these years he's dropped his guard? 
Also, maybe I missed something but I was a bit confused about who Doug was - and I've read you should be careful about having names that are too similar so as not to confuse the reader. It sounds silly but it does happen- our eye skims so much - and Drake and Doug are both one syllable names beginning with D. Plus, Doug sounds a lot like dog! Anyway that's a nit.. 
Speaking of nits, on the first page - it's pointless you dragging out - maybe it's regional thing but I'd say it's pointless you dragging yourself out or pointless dragging you out...
Again, great premise, and a page-turning easy read - good for a holiday by a pool!

Great story, well written and a riveting read.
Yours Bea