The Beholder

HarperCollins Wrote:

“Jason is a New Yorker who discovers that he possesses remarkable powers just as he is unwittingly drawn into a mysterious battle between forces of Light and Dark.

'The Beholder' begins in a very visual way, with a prologue that dramatically brings the fantasy elements to the fore.

I enjoyed the way you contrasted the mysterious figure and strangeness of the storm in the prologue with the normality of Jason's apartment; you show a real passion for language in your descriptions. I thought the description of Pariah creeping through the tunnel was very effective, particularly the lines: 'With each second the shimmering got more intense, and he halted and closed his eyes not to see it for just one second. He caressed the rough surface of the bricks, their coolness pleasant to the touch.' This has a lovely lightness of touch and evoked the atmosphere of the moment in that ancient tunnel beautifully.

You have created some interesting characters that you have clearly enjoyed writing and there is a real sense of fun about the interaction between the friends, as well as a wealth of background detail about the supporting characters.”

Hi Ivan,

I have read all of what is posted of 'The Beholder' and have to say that this is an excellent read so far. Very well done indeed.

Your prologue was very cinematc, it certainly made me want to turn the page!
Chapter one shows us how good you are as a writer and you now have me hooked. There is a great level of mystery in this story which keeps the reader yearning for more.
Chapter two is very dark indeed and just my cup of tea!
You had me in stitches in chapter three with Jason hunting for his tiger-striped slippers. It was such a change of mood from the last chapter! Excellent stuff.

I could go on, but will sum up and say that every chapter had something new to keep me glued to the page. If you post more, I will read for sure and would love to read the whole thing if possible. This is a book I would buy without a shadow of a doubt.

Your writing style is easy on the eye but filled with vivid descriptions, the pace is fast and snappy and the plot is simply wonderful. Well done, Ivan, you have a fan here for sure.

Backed with pleasure and nailed to my shelf.

Simon,
Yuko Zen Is Somewhere Else.

In the Prologue you have a scene where a shadowy figure stands at the top of the skyscraper. I think you have captivated me with just that image; a man standing at the edge looking into a storm with his clock billowed out. Chapter two was even better. Not talking about visuals though. Just story telling and writing ability. You know how to get the interest of the reader with these unanswered questions that we ask while reading through it. These dreams that Jason has. It kind of feels like insomnia a little. I mean the story. It’s like a dream that won’t wake up. A matrix-like trance, so to speak. I don’t know how to describe it better than that but I love it. It’s dark and moody and has that Dean Koontz feel. The phone idea of Jason leaving a note for him to wake up was genius in the field of intrigue. The note. The dream. And his identity. 6 stars.

THE BEHOLDER / Ivan Amberlake

First of all, I can certainly see this book being a favored offering in the fantasy genre. While I am not usually one for choosing this type of novel to read, I do like to study the technique and style of all genres for the well-rounding experience I hope it brings. I really enjoyed reading this because of the top notch writing--pure and simple.

For anyone who writes fiction, imagination is the key. this is why while I sometimes think to myself, "Wow, this is really out there," I am forced to remember - 'This author is writing to an audience' -- the reader. As an author I understand clearly that the reader is the final judge and again I repeat, fantasy readers are going to love this book.

This author has a wonderful sense of descriptive ability to paint scenes with compelling narrative and yet offers dialogue that is well balanced and allows his characters to drive his plot / theme. I read every single word of what was offered here.

Some of the things I made note of while reading this was the crisp way the author breezes through his scenes. Talk about moving the plot forward. Just damn! He does it very well. Most impressive. Each chapter accomplish the addition of new plot details and supplied ample reason to continue at the end of each.

All in all, this is just impressive writing. Very efficient use of words, good balance of narrative and dialogue. Powerful imagery combined with elequent use of descriptives, just enough, aimed at pleasing those who fancy a romantic, dark yet fast paced fantasy thriller. Very nice.

My very best to you, Ivan. I have a sneaky suspicion you are going to knock it out of the park with this.

E M Delaney
ONE WRONG TURN
THE WRITE IN
MIRACLE IN THE SWAMP

I can start by saying that it is extremely rare that a book has me on the edge of my seat. You have an excellent style of writing and it is perfectly utilized in the chapters I read (Prologue and Chapter 1). I think before I start gushing of your work, I’ll say my one major complaint.

Major complaint: This is going to make me sound extremely shallow and I promise I am not, but I’ve avoided reading this book in the past because of your book cover. I know that sounds silly and I hate admitting it, but it’s true. It isn’t a terrible book cover, but it kept me from reading the long pitch. From afar it advertises a Nicholas Sparks style of novel. I’m not saying he is terrible (maybe I am) but I didn’t think I could provide proper advice on that genre. Man was I surprised when I actually read the first chapter. The cover may have something to do with the book, but no one interested in this genre is going to catch that when they see the cover on a shelf.

Gushing: You are a god amongst men with imagery. I found my self hanging on to sentences: “Like blood from a cut vein, memories gushed out.” I literally could feel and see images popping out of my veins. Spectacular work.
The shadows left chills crawling up my spine. I literally felt terrified through that entire scene. My last complaint is only that I don’t get to read it in hard copy form or e-book. The way authonomy breaks up our stories on the site is really goofy.

Six stars and backed.

HarperCollins Wrote:

“Jason is a New Yorker who discovers that he possesses remarkable powers just as he is unwittingly drawn into a mysterious battle between forces of Light and Dark.

'The Beholder' begins in a very visual way, with a prologue that dramatically brings the fantasy elements to the fore.

I enjoyed the way you contrasted the mysterious figure and strangeness of the storm in the prologue with the normality of Jason's apartment; you show a real passion for language in your descriptions. I thought the description of Pariah creeping through the tunnel was very effective, particularly the lines: 'With each second the shimmering got more intense, and he halted and closed his eyes not to see it for just one second. He caressed the rough surface of the bricks, their coolness pleasant to the touch.' This has a lovely lightness of touch and evoked the atmosphere of the moment in that ancient tunnel beautifully.

You have created some interesting characters that you have clearly enjoyed writing and there is a real sense of fun about the interaction between the friends, as well as a wealth of background detail about the supporting characters.”

This is good. I like it.

Your descriptions are nice and clear, but maybe take it a little easy on the adjectives. One of Stephen King's major rules of writing (borrowed from Strunk & White) is "omit useless words." If a word absolutely doesn't have to be there, perhaps reconsider using. However you don't have to do this in every case.

One thing I really liked was Jason's sense of disorientation in chapter 1. You did an excellent job of showing us and not simply telling us, "Hey, this guy's disoriented." Keep up the good work.

Ivan,

I just finished reading the HC review of The Beholder and, as you may have guessed, I have my own opinions. The reviewer at times seems to grasp how enjoyable The Beholder is and at other times just dousn't seem to get it. That's their loss! I'd venture to say that maybe they're not a fan of the genre but your style is fantastic and The Beholder is by far one of my favorite books on the site! I actually went back and re-read a few chapters from your book after reading the review and once again loved the read and was highly impressed by your writing abilities and style. The reviewer also dousn't seem to appreciate your descriptive capabilities, but I've got to say that your descriptions are part of what make The Beholder truly amazing to me! They say that you should leave out the part about "daggers thrust into soft meat" but I love that part and definutely think it should stay in. It's all a matter of opinion... but I like mine best. :) I also liked your choice of NY as local and focusing on a few neighborhoods could be a good idea. I love it as is though and for me I already think the work is amazing! Some styles are for certain people and not others. The Beholder is so well liked by so many people on Authonomy and there's a good reason for that!

Have a fantastic day!

- Scott

Congrats on making it to the ED! :)

Ivan, I found you on Zenup's bookshelf, and I am glad I decided to give The Beholder a try. I'm normally a stickler for proper theology, your story has a great 'what happens next' feel, and a compelling main character in Jason.
I'm backing it!

Great beginning. I'm hooked.

DM
Life Discovery

Congratulations Ivan!! Well done and best of luck :-)
Looking forward to reading the review when it's posted.

Veronica Peace

Congrats on hitting the Editors desk!!

congratulations well done :)

You got me into chapter two, which was very good! But, you lost me when the phone rang and startled the man. What man? Is this something the boy is seeing? And what are the six pairs of eyes? something else the boy is seeing? If so, clarify. If not, then clarify. Sounds like it will be a very good read, tho.

D. S. Hale

Dear Ivan,
I read The Beholder with considerable pleasure, carried along by likable characters, intriguing ideas and your skillful use of metaphor . Thank you for sharing it here. I have not read all the many comments others have left, so forgive me if I repeat too much of what others have said. The overall theme is quite common, "Young vulnerable hero has terrifying nightmares, learns he is developing superhuman powers, which awaken in time for him to save the world from the forces of evil." One difference is the lack of a happily ever after ending, which seems to me very Russian, although at least one other story here has a similar twist.
The writing is a little rough in spots. For example, in chapter 14 is the line "The process was interminable and seemed never to end." Such redundance detracts from the writing. And you have exaggerated distances in a few places (Tyler was 465,000 miles away, quite impossible since Earth is only about 25,000 miles around.)
So you have a gem here, but it needs some polish. Good to see you so close to the editor's desk.
(By the way, it is actually encouraging that such a common theme remains well received, as my own story here smacks of it a bit.)
Jim

Congratulations for reinventing 'it was a dark and stormy night' in the prologue.

Kidding aside, this is very good with cliffhangers and descriptions, not too little and no info-dumping, at least from what I've read so far. The imagery is great and balanced with the action.

Now a couple suggestions: In the short pitch, perhaps mention Jason instead of just referring to him as 'he' and I would also suggest going over the long pitch as it seemed a bit ... overdone, especially the second paragraph. Although definitely keep the last part of the long pitch.

Reben

Ivan, your love of the language comes through clearly in THE BEHOLDER, which is full of interesting word choices and expressions. Your profile suggests that you're a non-native English speaker, and so I think it's impressive that you have such a command of the language.

However, I think the rich vocabulary you've chosen sometimes interferes with easy reading. Some of the big issues, in my mind, are:

1.) Many of the metaphors and similes you've used are unusual, and they are used so frequently that the narrative begins to feel weighed down by them.

2.) Some of your word choices are subtly incorrect or so far from standard usage that they are distracting. Many of these would be difficult to fix by just reading a dictionary definition--you sort of need to have heard or read them in context several times to understand. Here are some examples of awkward descriptive language:

"the conversation did an ocean of good for him"
"appetite shunned him"
"the floor biting his feet" -> you might mean "biting cold," which is the more common phrase
"the wheels bogged down in the melting asphalt"
"a strip of your ass torn away"
"regurgitating ten sentences into one"
"the color impressed onto his eyes"
"a conglomeration of Bentleys" -> "a congregation of Bentleys"
"blame tortured his more-dead-than-alive sanity"

3.) There are some subtle grammar mistakes here and there, things like:

"his muscles covered all over in mystifying tattoos" would be better expressed as "his muscles, which were covered all over in mystifying tattoos"

"relief eased the tension in his shoulders, but did little ..." should be "relief eased the tension in his shoulders but did little ..." (because this isn't a true compound sentence)

Overall, I think you have a unique and interesting writing style. Many of these issues could likely be addressed with the help of a good line editor.

For me, the story feels a bit slow getting started after the high-impact opening scene. I think it might be nice if you could weave the opening mystery of the shadowy figure into the Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 narrative. No need to be heavy-handed with it. I think just the slightest reminders here and there could help lure the reader along.

Audrey Auden, REALMS UNREEL
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38793/realms-unreel/

What descriptive imagery you used. Curious to know what happens after Chapter 1!

I noted chapter 5 had several voices: Jason, Deborah and the old man. Best to stick to one view?
Overall, I found this very melodramatic and over-written: 'Relief coursed through his soul....'
The opener appears as a series of brutal and highy-strung sentences: the this, the that, the something else, all heavily embroidered, yet the pounding intensity of the imagery cancels out the atmosphere for me, and it felt more camp than Gothic.: 'Appetite shunned him with the same persistance....' Anthroporphism such as this had me reeling.
I felt the beginning failed you as a writer, for someone whose passion for language is manifest, you were like a child in a sweet shop: too much, too much. The scene is set through a series of dramatic statements, complex interior space, filled with even more self-examination; they did not segue fluidly, but jerked from one arched description to the next. Drawing every detail of someone's expression or face,,is not entirely necessary. Might have worked for this reader, if you'd eased up a tad later, but the relentless arrows of metaphor got my goat. He grumbled a wee too often. If he says, dratt, or darn, (God forbid), then the drat won't need an 'annoyed' suffix.
You know, it had a derring do feel, racing ahead with the theme and the jolly well Boys' Own Annual bravado: 'Come on, hubby, we need to rack our brains, at least once in a while...' charming, but is that what you aimed for? I'm sure there is a cracking story in here but I can't find my way to it.
I suspect that you are a very visual writer/director and this does have that filmic qulaity. I am not overly impressed by your style, it feels arcane but without the maturity, it really didn't ring true for this reader.
Positive: Immaculate presentation, mostly. Marvellous imagination, when reined in - a rich, if torrid painterly writer, an illustrator with words. I don't know how old you are, but this feels hopefully young, an energy that will flow and develop.
And you're there anyway, with the support, and will receive a review from the professionals very soon.

best

Ivan, I just love the descriptive language in The Beholder, that's what I look for in a book, maybe due to me being poetic and creative in my genre of writing ;p The reason why I look for descriptive writing within any book, is because it transports me into that book on a closer dimension. Ive read up to Chapter 3 and am enjoying it immensely. I hope to get through it in the next week. I do wish you all the best, you've done well.

This is really new! It is very creative and very well written. It propels the readers on to see the outcome as well as the holding them in great mystery of what will happen next.

Shelby Z./ Driving Winds

This is really new! It is very creative and very well written. It propels the readers on to see the outcome as well as the holding them in great mystery of what will happen next.

Shelby Z./ Driving Winds

Hi Ivan

I've read 3 chapters and scanned through the 4th, and very little stands out at me. I'll get straight to my notes:

'On top of one of the skyscrapers...' doesn't read all that smoothly. Perhaps 'Atop one of the skyscrapers' or 'On top of the highest skyscraper'

'Somewhere in the next room a phone rang, startling the man.' Two things with this: 1) if we are in Jason's POV, then I don't think 'somewhere in the next room' sounds right, as he'd know where his own phone is. 2) 'the man' doesn't read right either now that we know his name.

I'm confused - is the reflection he sees in the mirror not his own? If it is, then why does it startle him; if it is not, then why does he not have more of a reaction to seeing someone else's reflection?

I don't think they apologise for a wake-up call, when they've been asked to give one.

I don't understand what the asterisks are for. The story seems to pick up immediately where it left off - asterisks would usually denote a time lapse.

'He thought about Matt(,) who entered his life first.' I can't make sense of this sentence - first? Before who?

Make amends for what? What did he do wrong?

'sleepy eyes [...] sleepy faces - perhaps a different word to avoid the repetition.

That's it. I found nothing else. It is well written, with very effective descriptors and promising premise. It is already doing very well, and I think it will continue to do so. I also had a look at the ending - very good. Anyway, there's not much else i can say about it, but I will back it. Good luck :)

I'd appreciate it if you have time to have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

Ivan,

Captivated. I was totally enthralled with your book and then I read chapter three. It absolutely swallowed me up.

I loved the strong use of metaphors and similes in your prologue. The mystery behind the plunging, cloaked man kept me moving forward.

Chapter one holds its own intrigue of nightmares and death and forgotten events. Besides straightforward story-telling, character description is one of your strong points. The reader is caught up in the plot, not even realizing what the author is doing - defining the action, purpose, and essence of the main players who will take us through this suspenseful story.

Chapter two - more defining. But the reader can breath a sigh of relief - life seems somewhat normal…

And then comes chapter three - Darkness, broken only by shadows. There is one who we feel can give us hope, but we sense she is in very grave danger, and of course, we want her to overcome. When you wrote, “An effulgent creature emerged from the circle, her appearance brighter than the explosion of a super nova.” I became a little confused. Is Pariah dealing with two creatures of light now?

Chapter four was really fun. I grew up riding bikes - it took me way back.

Then I had to spoil it all and read the last defining chapter!! Oh yeah, this is going to be good. So now, I guess I have to come back and fill in the blanks. Anyway, Ivan. You have a masterpiece here. Highly starred! Have you read Joshua Jacobs, The Withering, yet? I think you‘d like it. Just as intriguing and expertly written as the Beholder. But then again, I think my book is too. :-)

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Congratulations Ivan for getting there - I'm backing you again because you deserve it.

Charles (Mach100)

A bit dark and a bit sinister BUT Ivan you can write.

Not always my favourite type of story supernatural but very very good work.

Well done

Dean

THE BEHOLDER
This is a dramatic story. The first chapter is an eye opener. You have a good character in Jason because of his dreams and the way they feel so real. Your descriptions of people’s thoughts and your setting are both explicit. Made me think this should be a movie. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Excellent writing, welldone on reaching the ED.

A great fantasy book that surely deserves its place on the ed's shelf. Good Luck Ivan , backed all the way!

Hi Ivan
I’m not a fan of fantasy (all these capital letters in your pitch!) so almost turned you down. I’m also a fully paid up member of the anti-prologue league but I thought yours was better than most and so I read to ch3. Generally even in gothic horror I feel that less is more, so my main reaction is that you tend to overwrite – weeping heavens and seering teeth – steady on! – but I suppose that’s a genre thing.
On the other hand quite a few phrases are clumsy ( ‘consciousness sensed it’, ‘colour impressed onto’) and I think the whole thing would probably benefit from a light edit just to have it read more smoothly. I like when you explain that Jason has witnessed torture – this makes sense of all the dreaming stuff and makes it a lot more interesting IMO. The juxtaposition of Jason’s ‘normal bloke’ life with all of this is kind of odd but interesting at the same time.
Despite these niggles your story has good pace and I guess you have the plot all worked out. Can’t tell without reading further if you manage to get all those capital letters to pull their weight (Pariahs and Evil One – are they the same?) but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say this could do well in its genre.
Backed for now.
All the best
AliB
A Kettle of Fish

IVAN!!!! LOVE the cover!!!! Great job to you and Gwen! Congrats also on your high rankings on the authonomy scale. You are very talented and deserve to be noticed! You are well on your way, my friend! Congrats! :) Jan

IVAN!!!! LOVE the cover!!!! Great job to you and Gwen! Congrats also on your high rankings on the authonomy scale. You are very talented and deserve to be noticed! You are well on your way, my friend! Congrats! :) Jan

Well done. I love it.

Hey Ivan,

I have read the first 4 chapters and am very impressed with your work. You have a great imagination. Your creativity is apparent in your descriptions of the Pariah (I love a well described villian!!) It is also intriguing how you change the tempo and feel of each chapter. Going from dark settings with much action to a search for slippers keeps the novel fresh and leaves the reader wondering what else may lay in store.

This is a great read that I will be proud to shelve.
Good luck on the ED!

Brittanee
- Sinful

An intriguing pitch. Dynamic, gripping and page turning narrative. There is much to admire here, although occasionally descriptions came a bit too near to cliche for my liking. I can see a lot of people liking this.

J.S. Watts
Witchlight

Like the new cover!
L

Awesome cover, great read!

I love your new cover, Ivan! :)

The pitch simply grabs my attention and I can only commend your work here! :)

Great job, Ivan, I'm sure your book will rise the ladder very, very soon, to the top!

Hi ya Ivan,

So I just finished the first four chapters of The Beholder and I have to say that this was an epicly awesome adventure. When I have more time I must, must, must come back and read it all. This is one of those ground breaking fantasies that take hold of the world and doesn't let go. I can see you being on the top of best sellers lists in no time. The way you write is absolutely fantastic, I can tell you have been working on your craft for quite some time haven't you? This is totally going to be one that I recommend to everyone! Unfortunately I can only give you six stars...the rating cant go any higher (Which is rather sad).

I enjoyed very much what I read and am looking forward to going on.
Dakota

The Beholder -- Ivan Amberlake -- Prologue & Chapter 1: Wow, Ivan! Wow! Brilliant descriptions! You bring Jason's dreams and visions to life. We feel his pain and agony over what we don't know yet, but you give just enough description (and your great pitch) that we know some of what's to come. And the rest...we sallivate for more. Your writing is alive, we see what's happening as if watching a movie play out. That's great writing. Loved what I've read. Star rated as well. Good luck with your goals and dreams!

And thank you for being such a kind gentleman, a rare and welcomed treasure.

Ellise
~ The Governess ~

Ivan: I like your writing style. The book is imaginative and exciting. I've started it , and it is pulling me in. Great stuff.
Bob

Ivan: I've backed your book. Did you have time to look at mine?
Bob - Operation Phoenix

I like your prologue.

A lot of imagery and metaphor / similie - borders on being a distraction, but conveys the atmosphere well.

A lot of mysterious elements that make me want to read more...

Ivan:

I really like the flow of your prose. It has a rapid-fire delivery that is appealing to read. Your unique and compelling voice is filled with nuiance and crafty language. The story itself is also interesting, but I am taken in by your images more so than the plot after only reading the first three chapters. I can see something ominous coming as the story continues, but I get a little lost in the real life scenes. I'm finding little to seal my initial impressions of the character as a tormented man.

Still, I read the first three chapters through, enjoying myself very much. The detailing and suspense you provide really play well with that gift you have for spinning a phrase, and chiming out a neat analogy. The strength of your writing is the color and unique wording in the expressions. Unfortunately, it sometimes becomes a weakness. There are places where your language gets bogged down in incoherent phrasing, and there are a few places where the wording just doesn't work. There are a couple of grammar faults that need a bit of cleaning up too. I have several suggestions, but I do want you to understand that your creative sense for words makes some of the blunders worth reading. I just think you could clean some of it up without losing your voice, or the wittiness of your phrasing.

One suggestion. I wouldn't use a semicolon or a colon in fiction. I know it's kind of silly, and it bothered me when I got told the same thing myself in Creative Writing class. Still, it seems to be a standard practice. Maybe you are thinking of a rebellion, like e.e. cummings, which is ok. When all else fails, I encourage you to trust your instincts. I could be wrong.

Some examples of things that seemed too wordy and not worthy of the rest of the writing:

" . . . had the look of someone asking for trouble" I wouldn't call that a look, maybe a demeanor.

The pronoun reference when the girl bangs her fist on the table and "it" makes everything bounce around.

"Be cautious not to get knocked down off your feet," the down and off together don't work. Pick one way to say it, not two.

Don't get me wrong. I love your writing. Your verbs and colorful descriptions are sometimes brilliant. I just want you to do some rewriting where awkward expressions could be cleaned up. If I didn't think you had something really worth working on here, I wouldn't be working on it. Now look at that, I'm even beginning to sound like you.

Keep writing, and remember rewriting and writing are really the same thing. I am at your service if I can offer more specifics. A little cleaning up, and your prose stylings could shine all the way to the bestseller's list . . . good luck to you.

If you get a chance, I am new to the website and looking for some people to give me their thoughts on my fantasy book, The Magic of Fren. I would appreciate a read.

Thanks,

Rich

I miss Jason, I may just have to re-visit him and Matt and Deborah. His story has definitely stuck with me! Best WIshes Ivan!

~Bethanie :)

I re-read the first chapter since Ivan did some more editing.
It's perfect.....!!!
Way to go, Ivan. You're hard work and talent will take you places!

Fantastic book!

You have an extraordinary eye for writing detail, capturing my eye as a reader from the get go.

I am glad I backed this finally after it being under my watchlist for a bit.

Best of luck to you, but frankly I do not think you need it.

I love the way you write detail so exquisitely.

-Eloravelle

Hi Ivan,
Have just read the first 5 chapters. Overall, I'm enjoying the book. It's a good read for someone looking for some fantasy to liven up their mundane lives. Nice one. The prologue left me wanting more...so I kept reading. Mission accomplished.
However, just a couple of points that would've made a difference for me. In chapter 2, where Jason 'hammered a random button on the remote control...' I was confused as to why the woman's voice gave him the willies and why he aprehensively looked at the T.V. - Did he not mean to turn the TV on? If he did, then I'm not sure why he's creeped out, if not, I think it needs to be made a bit clearer.
Also, in the chapter when Bee is afraid of Jason's face, right after his vision, I'd like to hear more. I wasn't really sure what about his expression scared her.
Good read - I can see why a lot of people like it. Looking forward to reading more.
Jake

I like your style of writing and that every other chapter switches to a different person's point of veiw, it sort of lulls you into a false sense of security, before suddenly something supernatural takes place. Interesting plot with believable charters, like is so far :-)

THE BEHOLDER / Ivan Amberlake

First of all, I can certainly see this book being a favored offering in the fantasy genre. While I am not usually one for choosing this type of novel to read, I do like to study the technique and style of all genres for the well-rounding experience I hope it brings. I really enjoyed reading this because of the top notch writing--pure and simple.

For anyone who writes fiction, imagination is the key. this is why while I sometimes think to myself, "Wow, this is really out there," I am forced to remember - 'This author is writing to an audience' -- the reader. As an author I understand clearly that the reader is the final judge and again I repeat, fantasy readers are going to love this book.

This author has a wonderful sense of descriptive ability to paint scenes with compelling narrative and yet offers dialogue that is well balanced and allows his characters to drive his plot / theme. I read every single word of what was offered here.

Some of the things I made note of while reading this was the crisp way the author breezes through his scenes. Talk about moving the plot forward. Just damn! He does it very well. Most impressive. Each chapter accomplish the addition of new plot details and supplied ample reason to continue at the end of each.

All in all, this is just impressive writing. Very efficient use of words, good balance of narrative and dialogue. Powerful imagery combined with elequent use of descriptives, just enough, aimed at pleasing those who fancy a romantic, dark yet fast paced fantasy thriller. Very nice.

My very best to you, Ivan. I have a sneaky suspicion you are going to knock it out of the park with this.

E M Delaney
ONE WRONG TURN
THE WRITE IN
MIRACLE IN THE SWAMP

You have broken my heart. I cried, actually cried. I want to say more, but I will not. I have a love-hate relationship with literature like this. I love it when a book touches me to that emotional point, but I hate that I think about it far to much, my mind traveling to the country of "What if?"

However, I still see places you could go with this. I believe the "two" without the one may make the one become stronger and she already has her friend, Tyler. I wish there were a million stars that it could score on this sight, because I would give you all of them and it would be in first place on the editor's desk. You are gifted Ivan! Your talent stretches far beyond many. You have an exceptionally powerful mind for the art of story writing and telling. I am almost sad I take leave of this book. I feel like it has taken part of me with it and only one other has done that and she is in fourth place and on the editor's desk. All I can say, Ivan, is not to give up on this most amazing book. It will reach it's place, where I believe it needs to be, my bookstore shelf. When it does, I will buy it, and I can say, "I knew him when . . ."

Best wishes,
~Bethanie :)

YEA!!!!! I thought he would never get it. Took him long enough. I hope it's not to late though. Moving on to the next chapter. Thank you so much Ivan!

~Bethanie

Hi. I couldn't read much beyond the prlogue - too busy today. I like that the setting is in the city. I think ( and please this is only one opinion out of many and I'm just a shmuck who likes to write thrillers) that some of your descriptions could use some customizing. Abysses always yawn, there are always forks of lightning stabbing the sky, night time always hans low etc - show us who you are and how you think. I put it on my watch list and hope to read more tomorrow.