Little Mr Poonlop's Seventh Holiday

FULLY TESTED ON CHILDREN AGED 6-12!

They may not all like it (nearly all do) but they have little or no trouble with the vocab, the parodied patronising style or the idea that a narrator can talk about himself in 1st person and his characters in third (which seems as obvious to them as it does to me). Just in case you worry about these things.

Only adults have these problems as far as I can see. Ungrow-up, biggies!

The authorial intrusion is the POINT~ well, the main thingy ~ of the book, not a mistake, so if you don't find that amusing, it'll not be for you. In fact it's not authorial intrusion anyway, in the true sense (I think the story rather intrudes on the author, anyway, but that's just egomania).

Whether it's any good or not is a different question entirely!

This is lighthearted enough that kids would really like it. And the conversations between the author and the main character is a neat twist that I'm sure kids would have no trouble accepting. Afterall, in some kids movies the characters and narrators interact and that's always fun. Good job!

Dear JD,
I admit I was first drawn by your splendid profile. Having become exceedingly weary of weeding through wizards and vampires, I find myself appreciating like never before children's books (sans the Potter influence), though prior to coming to Authonomy, I haven't read them in a few years. Now, I find the authorial intrusion brilliant. It's as if I were sitting in my little school chair, being read to. Though your vocabulary is ideal for the age group, the narrative is full of life and color. I am delighted to sprinkle this with six stars. WL'd. Will come back to read more.
With admiration,
Bea

I am liking this a LOT! Very witty and great fun. Yup it will only be grown ups who have problems with the authorial intrusion. Kids will love it. I love it. It's lovely.
Karen

Hi, Dai. Yes, you were right about the comment about all those "littles," because just before you stopped to mention this, adding in your authorial voice, my son said, "Why does it always say little?" Anyway, I liked "little" Mr. Poonlop, and the concept of including the author into the story, causing all sorts of trouble for the poor man. I also liked the mischievous builders, causing mayhem with his house, from the toilet holder on the front door to the crazy chimney. And, although my son didn't get it, I laughed at the letters for Bill.

In regards to the age group and my son's opinions. He said he's to old for your story, and thought it was for 6 year olds (My boy's 8). I agree with him. With the tone of the story and the main character I think this would be best pitched at the 5 to 6 year old age group. It would also suit having illustrations added to it.

Best wishes, Marita.
P.S. My comments relate to the first 2 chapters.

Perhaps it's meant to be whimsical, but the writing style is patronizing.

ok, so far so good. i',m not really up to speed on children's books, so i don't have any critical feedback, but so far i do like what i've read. Enjoyed your writing (i think children books are important for learning to read) and will be willing to back you after I’ve read just a bit more. Please read some of my book when you have time, and let me know what you think (or not). Hope to hear from you, and look forward to any feedback you may or may not feel qualified to give. lol


cheers
blueboy



life is just a dirty dish
and we no sooner clean our plate
than find ourselves engaged in wish
or dream of what we’d rather ate

I had a grand time reading about Little Mister Poonlop. The author was also good. The sense of silly will delight kids.
I have nothing bad to say about your book.
I hope you write a series.

Hi Dai,

I read this out to my 6 year old. She enjoyed it but was mostly bemused by my constant giggling!

Very witty and a lot of fun.

I wrote something like this a few years ago for my kids; I was getting bored of all that Julia D stuff and I wanted something I could read to them that they would love but that I would also enjoy, albeit at a different level. The kids still groan about my effort even though I enjoyed it :-)

I'm glad to say that you pulled it off. A veritable win/win!

Terry Murphy
Weekend in Weighton

Dai,
Have finished the entire 30 and throroughly enjoyed everyone of them!
You have a wicked sense of humour.
;)
Diane

love it! it's so stupid its brilliant! very clever, very amusing and filled with juxtapostion!

great effort.

Alexander Allen- 'The Middle of Nowhere'

Completely absurd and utterly brilliant - quite possibly the best book I have ever read. Thank you for sharing it.

Good Luck,
Maisie

Have you read any Andy Stanton?

This reminds me of his "Mr. Gum" books. Take that as a compliment (of the highest order).

I know *just* the agent for you--hopefully she doesn't dump me to make room!

Bit like Winnie The Pooh I think. You have the writer but not the listener...perhaps you need a Christopher Robin to listen and comment and maybe change things he/she doesn't like.

You could even have some arguments between all three of them about what should happen next.

Dear JD Lowe,

I was eager to put Little Mr. Poonlop’s Seventh Holiday on my shelf, because it looks so nice and sweet and I love the title and your “me” page. Sorry to read about that touchy old Authonomite – shame on him for taking our nice JD away from the site. I LOVE Mr. Poonlop. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it and love you for bringing this little joy into this sad old world.

I rode a camel named Fluffy in Jerusalem once and it was magic.

GK Stritch (and I’m little, too, crazy author, me)
CBGB Was My High School
(not a place for Mr. Poonlop’s Eighth Holiday, though he might have fun there)

I think this might work better on CD than in print...I admit I found the author's voice a bit irritating...like a certain chubby comedienne's comments and asides. I have no intention of telling you what to do with your own creation...that's your shout...good luck anyway!
Stewart

This is wonderful. Quirky and cute. I like anything that is 'different' or unusual, and you have certainly achieved a delightfully entertaining book. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple dancer.

Dai

What a delight!
Er, Chapter 5 Two Mr Poonlops? Why?
Because it's funny and confusing, that's why.
My eleven year old says this is very, very funny even if it is rather random. (real eleven year old)
We both laughed out loud at the gunk mail and the jolly people on the bus and because I've started reading it out loud and because it is so funny, I now have to read the rest of it too.
We liked the siberian holiday option, although it was a bit dear.
Still reading and laughing.
Backed because it well written and has taken someone's mind of a sore shoulder.

Written as if you understand your target audience well. AS one who aspires to be a children's auther that is no mean feat and one which eludes me I think. Sweet little story. All the best with this. The Tails of Willie Gusty.

Okay, this is just one I stumbled on, but I’m glad I did. You have just the right sort of mixture of silliness and charm here to make me absolutely fall in love with Mr. Poonlop (and his narrator is pretty funny, too). I keep coming back to this one, to read a new chapter or two every now and then, and that is something I rarely do on authonomy.
I am assuming this is aimed squarely at a UK audience, as there were references and words I didn’t get at first (the whole ‘tap’ thing at first confused me, until I realized you were referring to faucets!). It’s probably just the handicap of me only speaking United Statesish, though…normally I’m not quite that dense.
I was again confused at the beginning of chapter five, when Mr. Poonlop helps himself off the bus. I reread it later, and it wasn’t confusing at all the second time, so it could have been because I initially read it at 1 oclock in the morning.
Overall, this book is beautifully written; I couldn’t find a single typo or grammatical error in the eight chapters I’ve read so far. This is a rare gem, as far as I’m concerned, and one that I wholeheartedly back.

Engaging, witty, sweet and with shifts in perspective to entertain children and challenge their elders. Altogether a delightful read.

Just had to back this again..... priceless! ... beyond wonderful!


Mary

this is a funny. I enjoyed a lot in reading it. All the best.
Backed.
S. Vinay kumar
the ark and the aroma of peril

I read this to my five-year-old nephew last weekend and he loved it. He had a fit of the giggles over the gunk mail (he's very into slime at the moment) and over Auntie Mildred's letter. At first he was a little confused, asking me if I'd written the story - and I'm afraid I lied, and told him that I had, for fear of it taking too long to explain who the narrative "I" was - but after that he was hooked. To me, that's a clear indication that kids young and old will devour this book.
Backed with pleasure

Best wishes
Gail
NEW BEGINNINGS

What a fun, entertaining and humorous book. Silly in a decidedly good, non-silly way.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON

J D, after our nice converstation earlier on I decided to come and take a look at your writing. Your voice comes across in your writing as it does in the forum, you have a great sense of wit about you I wish I had. I find it hard to come up with humor like this. Your perspective is very unique as well. You're writing it appears from the perspective of a child writing a story in the first person, I could be wrong, but the voice is child-like. I read the first couple of chapters to my son and he didn't get into it though. And I'm not really a children's book reading type of person. Cheers.

Hi Dai,

I know you don't play the reading/backing game, but I wanted to comment on your book regardless, on the offchance I can actually contribute a useful thought or 2.

Nice tone introduced at the start. I'd like to see more use of the word "little", though. ;)

You'll know as well as I do that it's a risk breaking the 4th wall. I've done it myself in my dafter books, and enjoy doing it. I understand publishers are wary of anything that could take the reader out of the story. It tends to be a technique for which a minority of authors are praised, and a majority condemned. Nope, I dont get it either. :)

I like the "taps." Came out of nowhere. Very like Spike Milligan's illogical logic.

Chapter 2: "Instead of toast..." I think this sentence is a bit long and unwieldy, especially since the rest of your writing reads so easily. Could you break the sentence up?

I like the chapter 4 out of order. A nice "little" surprise. :)

Chapter 3: "gunk" is underlined for some reason. Is that a mistake?

OK I'll stop nitpicking now. I think this is fun book that children will love. The writing and internal logic are daft and playful. The tone is warm. I think you'll have problems convincing some adults, purely because they are thinking like adults, and so are harping on about how you mustn't break the fourth wall or jump back and forwards in time. I think it's a joy to read, though.

I would back this, if you wanted backings. Good work. I hope you manage to get this out onto some real shelves. :)

Pete

Dai Lowe,
I found Little Mr. Poonlop's Seventh Holiday an enchanting travel adventure. I'm sure it would delight my little neighbors once they have learned how to read English. Backed with pleasure.

You have a wonderful narrative voice. I think the idea of Little Mr. Poonlop is endearing...especially how he is fed up with being small and hearing about it. Again though, I focus on the narrative voice- it is very unique from other narratives. I am not a professional critic so I cannot tell you why it differs but being the author, you probably know. I love it!
Carrie
The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat

Hi JD,
I may be far too old but I loved this. Exactly the right kind of nonsense!
Lucy

I really do like what I have read to date. For children, you have crafted a most interesting and humours tale and your character development of Mr. Poonlop is well done. Your descriptive writing is sure to appeal to children everywhere. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Delightful nonsense. Love it! Mr Poonlop can come hang out on my shelf.
Joanna Carter
Fossil Farm

You're not a reincarnation of Spike Milligan are you? I agree about the authorial intrusion (used it myself). Please keeping writing wonderful nonsense - there's too little of it.

T. L. Bartush
Bleak House Bleak Shed

Its Monday, I’m tired and I don’t want to go and sit in a stuffy office for 8 hours. Then I started to read your book and a smile spread across my face. This is something unique. Shame many adults won’t bother to read it. The narrative between the author reader and character is very clever. Its witty and totally readable the silliness of it is what makes it special. Damned good
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley

I like this style. Reminds me of Jan Needle's 'Behind The Bike Sheds', a terribly non-pc romp from a one-off 1980's TV series. In one chapter of that, two of the characters storm up to the author's office (who is a man, not a woman 'she has a beard to prove it') and demand a better outcome. Can be great when done well. A tap on the door sounds handy - especially if there is a long wait on a hot day and the visitor might get thirsty :)

Best wishes, Lisa (Death And The City)

Little Mr. Poonlop's - A good concept, but maybe a little overbearing on the 'little' shtick, especially at the beginning and a little less of the author's intrusion would be more suitable to my taste. Maybe I just don't understand what is most appealing to your target audience. For sure, your writing ability places you on the high end of the graph so I'm giving Mr. Poonlop a little time on my shelf.

G
Einstein's Road Trip [I would be interested in your take on Einstein if time allows. Thanks.]

Bl**dy well made me laugh! And I'm 46! good luck with it

So here I am in my own life, my own author having written into it some horrible things lately (hit by a car ... apartment caving in ...not to mention the solemn idiocies of my day job). So consumed and exhausted am I by these things that I have little energy left for...commenting on books. But it's so easy to comment on this one. It did the one thing I require of a book at the moment: it made me happy. Really, *really* happy. Given how unhappy I was feeling a scant hour ago, this is a testament to the tremendous power of incandescent nonsense. What a sophisticated bit of comic writing. Backed with real ... joy.

Andrea Levin
(Last Days of the Transitional Objects Institute)

Oh my God, Dai, this is hilarious. Don't market it for kids. Market it for adults. It's so clever, and very witty. It's too good for kids.

Esme C
'The Summoner'

Mr. Poonlop is adorable. Very nice to have him question his creator, the author, about his fate. (in the tradition of Pirandello)
Also a faint whiff of monsieur Hulot?
Karien - A Bird in a Pram

Gosh; thank you! Welcome to the select band of Poonlop backers!

Hi dai,
not sure why you're on my watchlist - thanks if you backed me.
No expert and not really qualified to crit kiddie lit. First two chapters read fine to me, has a nice tumbling along tone about it - good luck with it.
Cheers Rob (When...?)
Please have a look, if you haven't already - really looking for feedback more than backing.

I couldn't resist having a peek at this. At first I thought I was in a dream, decided it wasn't for me but carried on reading. James Joyce kept tapping me on the shoulder in the form of dialogue structure, the wacky phrases certainly reminicent of his work. For some reason I read on and loved the poetic feel of the itallicised piece at the end of chapter one. I've still to work out the connection between the characters but I'm intrigued where this is going especially in view of the vast word count. Obviously you've been hard at it lying on that couch of yours. I'm putting this on my W/L to get back to Rab14

JD Lowe, I like your title, "Little Mr Poonlop's Seventh Holiday", and I think this novel will do well with children and adults alike. I have backed it on the strength of your pitch, and wish you all the success it deserves
Helen

Catch-22 for kids.

The trouble is, the target group is not as wide as intended. The 6 yr olds who will enjoy the silliness will be joined by older children with a love of the silly combined with the sophistication to laugh at the silly adults who write the stuff that's not meant to be silly. So well done for the perseverance to finish.
Rosalind
Good For Him

JD-

I loved your book, and I'm several decades older than your target audience. Hell, I've got socks that are probably older than most of them.

No matter. This is a fast, fun and whimsical piece of writing and like I said, I had a hell of a good time with it.

No worries about the author intrusion thing - kids this age love it.

Backed, happily. And, if you're interested in a little author intrusion leveled at grownups, please take a look at my book.

Best of luck here.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

My god its the first story today that made me wonder if was having another episode or an acid flashback.
I loved it. I also loved you interrupting. I can think of one bestseller that specifically runs out of ink in a very intense part of a childrens book that is to date one of my favorites.
I continued to read because of a pis drunk Scot. who lived with me in the states(Who was also from Edinburgh). he had more passion and heart in his drunkin rage fest's than most people i knew had in their little finger.
I can't testify as to your drunkeness but i can say you have a talent to create something unique and worth reading.
Keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Eric Shira
Im off to take my pills and i doubt you'll like my book because my grammar is awful.

I Love it! and I'm a little old man, too. The "Author's intrusions" as you refer to them are one of my very favorite approaches to writing.(Though I don't use it in my present book.) To me, this provides a charming personal connection with the reader. The reader has the feeling that you are writing directly to them, and in fact, you are.
Completely charming! Backed with my very best regards, Jedward (Knut)

I even like your silly typeface! : - )

Backed.

Vanessa
Banana In The Briefcase

Dear J. D. -- Haven't read a children's book since Just William, but I think your idea is great. Backing you for the Ed's Desk even though you didn't agree with me on the book endings. I think you have more chance of making it than most of us. Can't suggest a change -- and wouldn't anyway. It's your book and your brain. Er .. except .. Acacacaccia Avenue ... perhaps 'the sign writer was about to sneeze and didn't.' (?) -- JOE CANNING