Supreme Order

‘Supreme Order’ is not what it sounds like.

It’s not about religion.
And it certainly does not seek to tell you what to do and what not to.

It is in fact, an insightful and thought provoking treatise that attempts to understand the meaning behind the natural order of life, drawing upon a diverse range of complex disciplines and thoughts that range from the scientific to the esoteric.

What’s truly commendable is that the author’s beliefs and perceptions are really not so different from those advocated by such varied subjects as Eastern mysticism, Creationism, Chaos theory and the Gaia hypothesis, just to name a few.

It’s a simplified fusion of many complex thoughts, but by no means a casual read.
It would take careful consideration and a very peaceful state of mind to really appreciate the merit of this remarkable work.

AGC

Hello Danielle.
Book -The Supreme Order'

Read this original and informative book some 81 days ago.
Just re-read chapter 10 again for a moral uplift.
Your perception and thoughts related to the Devil, is helpful for those
of us i had a great fear of Hell, since an early age.
This chapter convinces me, that, hopefully, i was chosen to help
brighten peoples lives with a smile and perhaps lots more.

Goof luck again with this very good book of yours.
It would be nice to see it in every hotel drawer in the bedrooms.

Tom Bye Dublin Ireland
' from hugs to kisses'

Danielle,
Your meticulously worded exposition on universal truths based on the Bible had me engaged for a while matching your thoughts against what I'd learned and read in the past. Overall what you say conforms with the wisdom of the ages regarding good and evil, varying in representative detail but uniting in general intent. Certainly Divine signature is in evidence everywhere from molecular structure to the frequency of the earth's rotation around the sun. Thank you so much for this refreshing view of an ancient belief.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

The Supreme Order is a very unique book that attempts to show our mortal connection with the divine realm, our relationship with God, and our place among that spiritual family.

You would think that the biggest pushback on a book like this would come from non-believers, people who don’t want to see “yet another religious” text on the shelf. But I think the biggest resistance will actually come from Christians, given that the author here seeks to explain things that have not been covered by the church or any religious documents. Author Danielle Hayes claims that God himself spoke to her and told her these things, including the origin of Satan and the role of the 24 perfect beings that today sit by God’s side. She even talks about the days when God was imperfect, and had to invent himself.

Now, I am not discounting that the author actually spoke with God and learned all these things. I am just saying that a lot of people won’t believe it, will discount it, will say she is crazy, ect. Then again, that is what was said about a lot of the greatest profits in history.

On the book itself, the writing is good. I like the informal style that happens at the beginning of chapter two especially, thanking us for keeping with the narrative. In terms of suggestions, I would break up some of the long paragraphs. You are spinning some high concepts, so don’t make pushing through long blocks of text an extra chore. Also, I would end some of the showmanship and just get down to brass tacks. For example, you had me when you said you would explain the nature of Satan, but then took the equivalent of several pages to actually get to telling that story. Also, I would put your main theory right at the beginning of the book. Boil it down into no more than a sentence, and present it to readers right up front. They need to know what they are getting into, and why they should read on.

A book like this could be popular with people interested in religion. There are quite a few people who like reading about religious themes without actually being religious themselves. It really got me to thinking, and I hope the author continues the narrative beyond what is posted here.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

The Final Answer (Uncomplicated)
Nonfiction - Instructional

The brilliant premise behind this book: explain it in a manner that everyone can grasp, is resounding and inviting.

Pitch: Well written.

Voice: The author's voice is clear and concise.

Message: strong, indeed powerful.

Mechanics: clean; very few punctuation errors, a few missing commas. Some sentences are a little long with comma splicing, but not to the degree that it would be an issue for any copy editor.

Suggestions: The paragraphs are a little daunting in size. It is almost always better to break into a new paragraph when starting a new idea than to continue on. The big blocks of text tend to be hard to swallow, esp in thought provoking work such as this. IMO, the MS would benefit by breaking paragraphs into smaller bites.

Market: This type of book would be an easy one to market, with a very wide audience. Even atheists might find it a compelling read as there is so much depth to the message.

Ranked with high stars and holding on my WL until a space opens on my shelf.
Raechel
Echo

Eternal uncertainties ... so true,

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

Danielle,

When I read a book such as yours I like to get right to the core - to the essence of what the author is trying to say. I was very curious about your book and your first chapter did a good job in piquing my interest even further. Your words are carefully chosen and the voice is patient, not wanting to lose the reader through any inkling of skepticism.

I followed your first chapter really closely and loved the statement you made: “Fish in waters, animals on dry land, fowls of the air, they all flow and live with a divine order. It would seem that human life should bear no exception.” Yes, everything does have a divine order.

And I liked what you said in chapter two. When we are quiet and honest with ourselves, we will hear the inner that resides within us all. Like you said, the hard part is being quiet enough so we can truly discern between our will, God’s will, and the pull of the world.

Chapter three - the million dollar question - Why did God create Satan? I’ve asked myself that question before… and this is what kept me reading.

And “Let Us create man in Our image…” I always thought that pertained to the trinity - God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit - who were completely whole in one another and simply created man out of their fullness. So to consider that God was referring to the 24 elders who don’t have the power to create… I don’t know about that.

Chapter four - I liked your reference to algebra in that in some things we just have to know that some mathematician way back when proved the equations that we must now take for granted and trust. I could totally relate that to how my finite mind must look at the eternal characteristics of the universe and its Creator - with child-like trust. That God eventually came into a realization of himself…. Well, I don’t know. Could be though…

I quickly skimmed the rest of your book because, like I said in the beginning of this review, I read to find the essence. I wanted to find the 24 words that you say bring you life and understanding. So let me see, eternity, holiness, understanding, peace, knowledge, wisdom, honor, praise, joy, kindness, goodness, righteousness, truthfulness, patience, faithfulness, humility, judgment, mercy, forgiveness, meekness, power, jealousy, affection, reflection, envy? Well anyway, what I found is, I couldn’t read this book quickly. The latter chapters give a lot to ponder. So that’s what I’m going to do - go back to chapter five and read slowly.

My gut impression is that at one time you did not have that “child-like” faith and truly needed more information to set your mind at ease. You took a round-about path to your faith and finally through an inner revelation, you came to know and simply trust in the great unknown - the I Am. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Highly starred and I will be back to read more carefully.

Oh, here’s a couple quick fixes to make:
A couple times you use (its’) when it should be (its)

“I was one who fell pray (prey) to the manipulations of others…”

So these 24 angel sprits (spirits) are the perfect example…”

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

‘Supreme Order’ is not what it sounds like.

It’s not about religion.
And it certainly does not seek to tell you what to do and what not to.

It is in fact, an insightful and thought provoking treatise that attempts to understand the meaning behind the natural order of life, drawing upon a diverse range of complex disciplines and thoughts that range from the scientific to the esoteric.

What’s truly commendable is that the author’s beliefs and perceptions are really not so different from those advocated by such varied subjects as Eastern mysticism, Creationism, Chaos theory and the Gaia hypothesis, just to name a few.

It’s a simplified fusion of many complex thoughts, but by no means a casual read.
It would take careful consideration and a very peaceful state of mind to really appreciate the merit of this remarkable work.

AGC

It's good to find another Christian book. Many on this thread are not Christian at all. Others barely meet a Christian book. Your book is interesting and enlightening. I still have many chapters yet to read. I have three books listed. I sure hope Zondervan will be able to find our writings amongst the many books even here on this thread. Truly Christian writing is hard to find on this thread. Perhaps someone with go through these stories and weed out the bad stories and leave the Truly christian books for Zondervan to find.

Don R. Budd

Yolk or yoke?

Yolk or yoke?

Supreme Order.
By Danielle Hayes.

You have written a very thought provoking book…and written it well.
Your writing is clear and easy to follow. It does come across rather forceful at times but achieves its purpose of getting the reader to question life’s direction.
I read your book over eleven months ago; it inspires the reader’s train-of-thought.
This can’t be a bad thing in today’s world.
I wish you well with it. Up- graded the star rating on a second read.
Well done, Danielle!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets Of The Forest – The Time Zone.

Danielle, this book will be helpful to those who can believe in its premises and thought-system - which will be many souls, I believe. You and I both have used our lives discovering a pattern, that shared can help people live meaningful lives in a difficult time and extremely complex world. I Love your language and trust your voice.
I hope for great success for your book. May you have a wonderful life
leelah saachi, "When fear comes home to Love"

Hello Danielle.
Book -The Supreme Order'

Read this original and informative book some 81 days ago.
Just re-read chapter 10 again for a moral uplift.
Your perception and thoughts related to the Devil, is helpful for those
of us i had a great fear of Hell, since an early age.
This chapter convinces me, that, hopefully, i was chosen to help
brighten peoples lives with a smile and perhaps lots more.

Goof luck again with this very good book of yours.
It would be nice to see it in every hotel drawer in the bedrooms.

Tom Bye Dublin Ireland
' from hugs to kisses'

Danielle,

Such a fine book as your deserves a spot on my shelf, so I backed it! Please take a look at my novel for your possible backing. Your help will be appreciated. Thanks so much!

Dwain-Thomas

Danielle,

Such a fine book as your deserves a spot on my shelf, so I backed it! Please take a look at my novel for your possible backing. Your help will be appreciated. Thanks so much!

Dwain-Thomas

Danielle,
Your meticulously worded exposition on universal truths based on the Bible had me engaged for a while matching your thoughts against what I'd learned and read in the past. Overall what you say conforms with the wisdom of the ages regarding good and evil, varying in representative detail but uniting in general intent. Certainly Divine signature is in evidence everywhere from molecular structure to the frequency of the earth's rotation around the sun. Thank you so much for this refreshing view of an ancient belief.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I truley believe you are on the right path where in chapter 1 where you touch on ancient ways of life, which is correct in the way they live thier lives compared to ours in the western world, we have come to far too fast and with no sense of direction over the last couple of thousand years.
To fit in with your natural order there are some men in Africa called the Maasai warriors who have lived the same way since the dawn of man even up to today, their way of life fits into the natural order of nature.
The balance of everything, I dont think you have this quite right, by the devil existing the devil naturally created the balance between good and evil. For everything to balance thier must be an equal opposite for everything and for a structure of order there must be a structure of chaos.
The balance of life can not be attached to god as you have put it, the balance of life which you describe is the same balance which is the principle for the whole Universe, the simple plan of principles which do not apply to size or matter but are consistant in all forms of life.
There is an awsome paragraph in chapter 3 about accepting and moving on, I believe this is the highest order of knowledge and the first step to wisdom.
In chapter 4 about having a simple plan I know this, to live simply is very complex to work out the mechanics of how its done.

You are on the verge of some very good philosophy but without the attachment of god. For a religious philisophical book you would need to have god as a nuetral element to bring out the philosophical side more strongly and appear more balanced.

Overall a very good read and a very good insight to religious philosophy.

Sorry, I'm not on here very much these days. My book got up to 160 then stopped and after a few months began to sink back down. Once you get so high in the ranks you have to almost live on this site to compete with the people who trade backings, and it got to a point where it was just not worth the time it takes.

But thanks for the vote and backing. I have taken a look at your manuscript and must say that it does not read very well as a novel--so I must ask you "is it? Is it a novel or an inspirations book of some kind?—like religious philosophy or something? If that is your idea then it may work. I have not read enough yet to know for sure how it is organized and structured. I’ve only read the first few pages, and so I have not got deep into the content yet either. If it is a novel (first person or otherwise) I would suggest taking a hard look at your prose style and editing to give it a more active voice. Though the subject matter is interesting, your voice is not strong enough to carry the weight of so much narration.

Remember that, at the end of the day, the writer must carry the reader along. You cannot expect the reader to do the work for you and trudge through dense narration in the hope of a payoff. They typically won't do it. In my opinion your voice is such that it will require more action and dialogue to keep the reader turning the pages. Some writer can keep the reader interested for long passages of narration, but (in my opinion, based on what I've read so far) your skill level in narration is not there yet. But practice and read books on it and your intuition will improve. So for now weave ion action and dialogue into your narration for a more effective prose style. Also, before you get to far into the structure you should establish the main character, make him or her sympathetic, introduce some goal and obstacle to that goal—make the reader care about them early on so that they will be willing to stick with you through the greater amounts of narration.

There are many so-called “rules” that many people on this site will preach to you about—“never do this”, “never do that” --the truth is you can and should always add “unless you do it well” after each of them. Never write in large passages of narration—(unless you do it well.) Never go into long descriptions (unless you do it well.) It you really feel you express yourself better in narration, fine—just take the time to do it well. I hope this helps.


Goodluck.


blueboy

The Supreme Order is a very unique book that attempts to show our mortal connection with the divine realm, our relationship with God, and our place among that spiritual family.

You would think that the biggest pushback on a book like this would come from non-believers, people who don’t want to see “yet another religious” text on the shelf. But I think the biggest resistance will actually come from Christians, given that the author here seeks to explain things that have not been covered by the church or any religious documents. Author Danielle Hayes claims that God himself spoke to her and told her these things, including the origin of Satan and the role of the 24 perfect beings that today sit by God’s side. She even talks about the days when God was imperfect, and had to invent himself.

Now, I am not discounting that the author actually spoke with God and learned all these things. I am just saying that a lot of people won’t believe it, will discount it, will say she is crazy, ect. Then again, that is what was said about a lot of the greatest profits in history.

On the book itself, the writing is good. I like the informal style that happens at the beginning of chapter two especially, thanking us for keeping with the narrative. In terms of suggestions, I would break up some of the long paragraphs. You are spinning some high concepts, so don’t make pushing through long blocks of text an extra chore. Also, I would end some of the showmanship and just get down to brass tacks. For example, you had me when you said you would explain the nature of Satan, but then took the equivalent of several pages to actually get to telling that story. Also, I would put your main theory right at the beginning of the book. Boil it down into no more than a sentence, and present it to readers right up front. They need to know what they are getting into, and why they should read on.

A book like this could be popular with people interested in religion. There are quite a few people who like reading about religious themes without actually being religious themselves. It really got me to thinking, and I hope the author continues the narrative beyond what is posted here.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Danielle,
As I was reading the first chapter, I felt more like I was reading a journal than a book, since it was all about your perspective. You seem to be very passionate about what you believe in, but everything in the first chapter appeared to be pure speculation, since you didn't offer any evidence. As an atheist and someone who is used to reading scientific books, I found it hard to read.
As for the writing itself, there weren't too many issues. There were some sentences with commas or semicolons where there shouldn't be, but other than that it was good. You clearly know how to write.

Cora

Hello Danielle ---book- The Supreme Order'

Read the 10 chapters of this book,
Pondering for thought now !!! What can i day about it ???
Well, It's different, with an original approach to the subject matter.
It's a thinking persons read, that's for sure/
A book that one would have to read over and over again.
For myself, it made me think deeply, well, that's a good start.
On reflection, i feel that the 24 angels have been with me all along ;
and or the 24 other factors, which have helped me to be were i am and what i am to this day.
I do wake up and thank the sacred heart of God for all of that.
I do believe, however not understanding .
i have taken on board a lot of what you have said, and will ponder more.
Did find it difficult to put aside once started, maybe that's a guidance within itself?
However, one had to question if it is a good thing to keep probing of what might be ore what might not be;
and perhaps for peace of mind. just accept on a day to day basis, that God has granted you this .
and most important factor ' health'

in it's genre, i give it six stars
good luck.
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'
Dear preacher man, please have a glance at my book, and see the conditions that people had to live in, in Dublin of the 40s. that was a real recession. and on top of that , read how all of the population live and were controlled under fear; after listen to church sermons etc

Hello Danielle ---book- The Supreme Order'

Read the 10 chapters of this book,
Pondering for thought now !!! What can i day about it ???
Well, It's different, with an original approach to the subject matter.
It's a thinking persons read, that's for sure/
A book that one would have to read over and over again.
For myself, it made me think deeply, well, that's a good start.
On reflection, i feel that the 24 angels have been with me all along ;
and or the 24 other factors, which have helped me to be were i am and what i am to this day.
I do wake up and thank the sacred heart of God for all of that.
I do believe, however not understanding .
i have taken on board a lot of what you have said, and will ponder more.
Did find it difficult to put aside once started, maybe that's a guidance within itself?
However, one had to question if it is a good thing to keep probing of what might be ore what might not be;
and perhaps for peace of mind. just accept on a day to day basis, that God has granted you this .
and most important factor ' health'

in it's genre, i give it six stars
good luck.
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'
Dear preacher man, please have a glance at my book, and see the conditions that people had to live in, in Dublin of the 40s. that was a real recession. and on top of that , read how all of the population live and were controlled under fear; after listen to church sermons etc

Backed until I can give a fuller comment. I've also given you 6 stars to combat the bashing your book has received. Hope you're still enjoying Dark Dreams?

The Final Answer (Uncomplicated)
Nonfiction - Instructional

The brilliant premise behind this book: explain it in a manner that everyone can grasp, is resounding and inviting.

Pitch: Well written.

Voice: The author's voice is clear and concise.

Message: strong, indeed powerful.

Mechanics: clean; very few punctuation errors, a few missing commas. Some sentences are a little long with comma splicing, but not to the degree that it would be an issue for any copy editor.

Suggestions: The paragraphs are a little daunting in size. It is almost always better to break into a new paragraph when starting a new idea than to continue on. The big blocks of text tend to be hard to swallow, esp in thought provoking work such as this. IMO, the MS would benefit by breaking paragraphs into smaller bites.

Market: This type of book would be an easy one to market, with a very wide audience. Even atheists might find it a compelling read as there is so much depth to the message.

Ranked with high stars and holding on my WL until a space opens on my shelf.
Raechel
Echo

I read a fair amount of this and found it very interesting, especially on the issue of the creation of the devil. Personally I don't think the Bible gives us a clear account on the origins of the devil. The commonly used texts from Isaiah and Ezekiel refer in their very poetic way first and foremost to the Kings of Babylon and Tyre. Whether they also give insight into the origins of the devil is only speculation. Perhaps, but probably not. Maybe we can understand why there is a devil by comparing the similarly recurring question of 'did God creat evil'? Personally, I don't think evil was a created thing. I mean, if the ability to do good exists (and has always existed) then the choice to not do good must automatically exist too. Where there is free will there is always the possibility of not doing good i.e. choosing evil. I believe God never denied the being we know as Satan the opportunity to choose good or evil just as He doesn't deny us. Those are just my thoughts for what they are worth.

hello danielle i read a few chapters of your book it is a good read very enlightening for those of great understanding im fond of your perception however i will have to finish before i can give profound feed back. ive recently been anointed from the heavens ive been ushered to write and reveal many aspects of revelations like no man has ever come to do, your wisdom is certainly from them heavens and the God in you is speaking to the world. i do recommend you read my book "pyramid paper" i have another book sent to adam and eve called the "Unbalanced Tenth. P.P reveals the two prophets the world trade center bombings the rapture as well as the plagues poured on the earth i believe my book will bring you closer to a completion, i also have a poetry book up you should find relaxing. God bless...

Dear Danielle,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

I think I understand your question. Yes it is a little bit disconcerting when you start with poetry. I know because Undo starts that way and people have remarked that 100 times.

Having said that, there is a place for poetry. Always.

Here are the lessons that I have learned after 165 comments:

First, I would place the initial poetic rump in italics so that, the reader identifies it as a prologue.

Second, you might want to consider placing it poetic format,

Third, I would cut it to two pages in poetry form. My initial poetic rump was 5 pages and that proved to be unworkable for, people got lost, so eventually I cut it down to 2 pages in poetic form, because that was as much as the reader was willing to be "distracted"

Fourth, I would create more of a connective tissue between the poetic start and the landing. Having read the first chapter, my guess is that the connective tissue is the internal voice, you speak on, later. If that is so, I would make it clear at the end of the poetry and beginning of the text or, maybe even better, before you throw the poetry.

Finally, I would emphasize that the concept of the internal voice is the theme of that chapter and connect everything around it,

Let me know if this is what you were asking me.

If it is not, explain it again to me, and I will try it a second time...lol....

David

If you read carefully, you will see I read from Chapter 1 to Chapter 6. Why would I start at 6?

Waded through to Chapter 6. Badly written and unintelligible gibberish. Sorry.

"A Final Call," at least from the amount I have read, seems to be a highly personal interpretation of religious symbology. Reads somewhat like "stream of consciousness," which can be good or bad or somewhere in between.

What I have found is that stream of consiousness, or "free writing," helps me find a topic and perhaps to find my voice on a given topic. From that point on it is all hard work. For a person who is all left brain, the task is to engage the creativity. For the person who is all right brain, the task is to focus, to narrow down, to pare off and, frankly, to be brutally selective with the metaphors.

Best wishes for you. May you have all the success in the world.

FEL "The Final Cruise"

"A Final Cal,l" at least from the amount I have read, seems to be a highly personal interpretation of religious symbology. Reads somewhat like "stream of consciousness," which can be good or bad or somewhere in between.

What I have found is that stream of consiousness, or "free writing," helps me find a topic and perhaps to find my voice on a given topic. From that point on it is all hard work. For a person who is all left brain, the task is to engage the creativity. For the person who is all right brain, the task is to focus, to narrow down, to pare off and, frankly, to be brutally selective with the metaphors.

Best wishes for you. May you have all the success in the world.

FEL "The Final Cruise"

Danielle -

The Final Answer (the first open seal) - The twenty essential words, sounds, vibrations, archangels, celestial beings, are familiar to me from mystical texts, notably Sufi ones and particularly the works of Ibn 'Arabi.
I sense what you're trying to do. There are however problems. You jump over eight years of what must have been a powerful formative experience and present us with a cosmology that is not new, just that most people are not familiar with it. You take the opportunity to offer some deep insights. But this needs considerable work, in its present state the MS does my head in. I don't mean gramatical issues, they can be ironed out, it's that there are too many holes in your argument. Only one instance - your simplistic example of 'being in the 'right position' is a sweet metaphor but not related to its psychological significance. It's all too wolley. What you describe as the stages in chapter 2 and which you more or less repeat in chapter 5 is what I understand poetically by 'tuning the heart'. The question you raise is a powerful one ... Why did the angel rebel? This would be a much better title btw. You say our physical existence is a reflection of God's prior existence - and here you're onto something :) even in terms of physics, and by extension we could call the devil a hologram, too :)
I admire your passion, but like Splinker says, you're biting off more than you can chew. So maybe consider, practice 'patience', digest your insights and find a form of sharing your revelation that can be absorbed by the average reader, which is, I think, who you want to address. Best success, Pia

You are totally fantastic. That being said, I had a lot of problems with your book. I thought the opening lines were quite good. They made sense, were cute and got me to think. But a lot of what comes after doesn't do this. It became,for me, more pontificating than interesting. I don't know if this is something that can be fixed with a few edits, if it is just the tone/voice that doesn't appeal to me (and may appeal to others) or something else.

I've read quite a few "spiritual" books, mostly by jews/rabbis. The ones that I enjoy more than others tell a bit of story, even if it is only anecdotal (sp?) or about something that happened to them. And then they follow up with a spiritual musing. That kind of works. What you seem to do, however, is just keep coming out with spiritual advice without giving us something common to build on. A story that we can identify with and then appreciate the "aha!" moment when the spiritual significance of the story is revealed.

Having said that, I think that your book is better than most of the christian fiction I have read on here.

I really like the opening lines. But while reading the rest, I keep getting the feeling that you a biting off more than you can chew. Promising more than you can deliver.

Good luck.

Inspiring, thank you for sharing; listed and rated (in Authonomy words).
Roy MF RELATIONSHIPS

brilliant concept- old fashioned, in a way. a truly great tale= would love to see a film version. but could never happen: it far too moral...on my watchlist for now, with 6 stars******
SEASONS...

Danielle,

I have read 4 chapters, with interest, but through sheer perseverance, in order to objectively form my view of your work. Normally only 3 chapters are enough, mainly because if you haven't got the reader's attention and interest before then, the author has failed.

Your pitch is certainly interesting. As I am already a believer in the existence of God, I felt that I could well be your target market. You really don't have to convince me of that. I was intrigued. However, there are a number of things I found offputting.

Normally the first sentence and first paragraph serves as a window to the book, the style, and the author's voice. I found that disappointing in the strongest way. Because the author's voice begins with a disregard for the rules of the language itself, could just be errors that could be corrected. What was more offputting, was the tone or the author as a higher being, and text, dictatorial. It was not a "come hither" style, more of a "you will listen and do what I say" sort of style. Unfortunately that does not endear the reader to the writing, and can only serve to put the reader off the author.

It is clear that your bad experiences in life, whatever they are, which you allude almost tediously, but never gave any hint of the facts, has caused you to turn to this line of thinking concerning God. Because you have nothing in your book or biography to qualify your expertise. But your categorise your book as Instructional. Maybe it is an idea, to let the reader into some of your personal circumstances, which has been the trigger for your remedy to suffering. The reader will naturally be curious, as you spend much of your writing alluding to your personal experience.

Your constant and repetitive prayer one day brought you this revelation, to the place where God resides, as it comes across, to your meeting with the 24 elders....which is clearly where you must have been "ordained", as you refer to your voice in Chapter 3, as "My reverent opinion". This is quite a claim to make, because it puts you up there with God, the angels and Jesus Christ, his son who suffered in order to take his place at his father's right hand in heaven.

In Chapter 3, you continue:
" I have information from heaven that will completely rest your fears." You constantly set a tone of authority and mediator between God and humans on earth. Have I got this wrong?

Then you say that at the time of conception of the earth, God was a "hot mess". I can see how you might deduct this from even the bible, science an archaeology. It was why God decided to destroy the earth with the flood, according to Genesis, with archaeological proof, and he made a promise not to do that again.

But it is your tone, when you continue to say things like "this crazed unstableness was actually the state of God's mind ....." , that makes your writing not just astonishing in content, and this sort of thing is by no means new, but your allusions to being "CALLED" to this unique manifestation of ordination, and insight into God's mind, and mess of mistakes.

Your authority to write such things, appear to have come from a chance meeting with God after repetitive "help me help me help me" cries to God.

I wonder if your meeting with the 24 heavenly bodies were not a phantasmagoria produced by hysteria during the depths of despair. It is a perfectly possible explanation.

May I say that when you reply to comments, you should press the send a message button and not the reply button. That way your response goes to the respondent and not remains on your comments section.

As you can see, whether your content is factual or not, true of false, you delivery needs to be more reader-friendly, more humble, and not dictatorial.

Best wishes
Marilyn

You are totally fantastic, Danielle!! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs/testimony book? :) God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to see if I had ******-ed your book & it is ******-rated (6 gold ******'s) :) Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because I'm 4 on the editor's desk & have to be in the top 5 to be chosen, the end of January :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 10 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

Hi Danielle, your pitch brought me here. I tried to read your first chapter but I could not get into your prose. I have read like books before and maybe it is just your paragraphs are too long. I do not know. I am not much of a critic when it comes to someone elses writing. I only know I could not get any further than your second paragraph before I could not read any more.
Good luck with this. I know you have an important message. You just need to find a way to make it easy for all of your target readers.

Hi Danielle, I enjoyed this for its working from empirical evidence and the clarity of the style. Such interesting concepts - the eyes moving in the dark was certainly a strong one! Sometimes there are leaps, such as moving from that energy concept to the metaphor of being in the light. But you've explained the basis for religious concepts at a time when doubt needs to be dealt with. This is for a reader who can stay with dialectic. Refreshing and inspiring - Shelved Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I finished reading all that you've uploaded here. I'm afraid you could lose many of the readers you hope to attract because they won't understand what you are saying. I've read extensive religious, spiritual and mystical texts--some of them difficult to follow--but there were times I was left baffled by parts of a book that holds much potential. .

It's very theoretical, with long sentences and paragraphs that will not be clear to a majority of readers. There's not a sequential flow to the work yet - what theologians would call systematics. In your zeal (which I truly admire) you rush through and cover huge concepts that may be in the same paragraph or section together without fundamental, clear explanations.

I'm not sure if you're familiar with the term apologetics - but that is a defense (using reason, history, science, experiences, whatever) to convince others of one's beliefs. I don't see enough of that in your text. Any writer of religious nonfiction needs to ask - why would a person come into this book as a stranger and believe it? I think this is the first question readers will ask themselves when they take a look at a book of this nature.

You've also not offered any personal information at all, and it would be wonderful if you add this in. Did you have a personal revelation and that's why you wrote this? Or is it based on research, or other teachers, or traditions? Your own beliefs are yours, and nobody can challenge them, but when you place yourself out there as--for want of better terms--a teacher or an authority--readers have the right to know why. I'm sure you do not intend to have a dogmatic tone, but I felt that some of the work came off as dogma to me. Others may not feel that way, depending on their roots and beliefs.

It's not really fair, but books of this kind will not find a traditional publisher (religious or secular) unless the author has credentials or a huge following. Of course, self-publishing is a great option, but I hope you'll rework it before you do. Honestly, if you can write it in simple enough language so a young person (say 12 or 13) can understand what you're saying, you will find a larger adult readership than you'll have now. As Jesus said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me," and one of the most powerful aspects of Christianity is that one can understand the foundational beliefs clearly.

I hope this doesn't offend you, because I admire your purpose and desire. The subject of spirituality and religion is one of the biggest issues people will ever face. So, sincere seekers of truth will tend to read the works of established spiritual leaders who present a compelling case for their beliefs, or the scholars who are qualified and respected in a particular religion. The third group that finds a strong following are those who have had exceptional personal (religious or spiritual) experiences and they simply tell their stories. Some of those writers are more effective in gaining an audience than the theologians. When the story is presented by those with a spirit "as gentle as lambs" their lionlike power will be that much more effective.

I wonder if you'd consider this - begin by telling us your story. Who you are, how did you come to this path, what was happening in your life, what is your background, what experiences affected you, and how have your beliefs transformed your life? When you open up yourself in that way, your humanity--along with your spirituality--will draw readers to you.

I wish you the very best. I know you've written this to be a great encouragement for seekers, and the potential is there. Polish it and let it shine.

Lizzi
(Out of Sync)

It has been a while since I read a religious book, so I thought I'd give this one a try. Your comments so far are very varied but I'll make more judgement once I've had a better read.
Personal views are always best with these sort of books and I shall make up my own mind

I wonder if the unfortunate people living in crushing poverty (most of whom are sincere believers in God's mercy etc) all over the world, would share your optimism?

Hi Danielle, you put your case forward very sharp and to the point. A good voice to it.
Your book is of importance in a way.
Many readers will listen to what you say, turn it over in their mind, and choose their own way of thinking.
But you will have started a train-of-thought, and that can't be bad, you have already captured the reader.
I like your writing. RATED.

Regards,

Neville THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - SERIES.

Whatever you're on, could I have some...as long as it's legal of course!

There have been many religious instructional books on here recently. You could well be amongst the best of them but slow down, take a breath! The pitch needs to be broken up and some of the hectoring tone left out. Your passion is making you race through any message you may have and the first chapter is one long breathless confusion. Think clearly about the things you want to say and then think about the reader. Anyone interested needs to be taught, not driven away. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

You are very driven to diffuse your enlightened journey. Whether I believe or not is inconsequential to my enjoyment of this type of prose. It has the energetic cadence of a military march. If you want it to be read by a more mainstream audience and not to the already convinced....you should lighten the style by maybe breaking up your paragraphs and refrain from using capitals for your key words as that appears to the reader as overkill.

That said it is a peculiar writing style...which deserves a tightening of the reins so that it is more palatable...without losing its uniqueness...that is your challenge.

Backed for the sheer energy deployed....
Miguel
Absentee Bidder.

Dear Danielle, I love that you are having a series of the 7 seals :) - may the anointing break the yoke that's on people round the world. :) It's great that you started at the beginning :) - Genesis 1:1, "In the beginning, God created the Heaven & the earth" which joins John 1:1-3, "In the beginning was the Word & the Word was with God & the Word was God, the same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by Him & without Him was not anything made that was made," followed by John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave HIs only Begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life," which was preceded in verses 7&8, "you must be born again, born of the Sprit." :) I got so excited when I read your book & that you are going step by step, so as to not get lost. :) I can hardly wait for the 2nd seal. :) I have read, commented on, backed & ****** 'd your book :) - could you please back & ****** my memoirs/testimony book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :)

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 9 hours later :)