Book Jacket

 

rank 538
word count 40999
date submitted 05.11.2010
date updated 08.11.2011
genres: Thriller, Science Fiction, Fantasy,...
classification: universal
incomplete

The Secret Entity

Richard T Green

When a huge futuristic spire appears overnight in a little Cornish town, it sparks a chain of events that shakes the world to its core.

 

And as half the planet descends on our coastal haven, my massive problem pales into insignificance as my normally uneventful life goes ballistic.
I'm Fileda Bullivant, in my early thirties, in love with charismatic Leon Willets - the man whose church suddenly found itself with the spire attached to it. And the man who unwittingly makes himself the most famous person in the world.
The problem I thought I had was that the man of my dreams created his church with the message that god doesn't exist. And when you're the daughter of the local priest, that's not a good scenario.
But when Leon tells me the appearance of the spire was as much a shock to him as it was to the rest of the human race, it becomes clear that someone - or something - has taken a big interest in what he's saying.
The 'entity' had shown his hand.
And so begins a journey of discovery - a whirlwind adventure that unearths a global truth, finds hidden strengths and selfless bravery, brings shocking revelations and puts us right in the middle of a battle with warring aliens.
And unlocks a centuries-old secret that will change humanity forever.





 
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tags

adventure, epic journey, fantasy, love, religion, romance, science fiction

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32 comments

 

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Olga13 wrote 43 days ago

At last..and this is my feedback...
pretty lost as i start reading... very humanity...and what we are living every single day about faith..but we just not talking about it much...i will say this book could be a sucess in christian publisher...but that is my own though...
overall...pretty deep..i will be curious to read it if i do see to one of the book's shop.... all the best...x

katjay wrote 318 days ago

The Secret Entity Richard Green
Hi Richard, I’ve just read upto Ch12 of this enjoyable story. I think it’s proof of how well and clearly you write that I found myself so far into the book without being really aware of having to read the words (if that makes sense!). You handle the introduction of the various characters, over the first few chapters, very well and Fi comes across as an endearing MC. It’s a good premise and as I’m only just getting to what’s going on behind the appearance of the ‘spire’, I’ll be reading on. High stars. ******
Kat x Hens from Hell

VictoriaPendar wrote 417 days ago

I love the idea of this book, and the set up. She believes in God. He believes in humanity. In truth if I was in a store, I'd flip to the last chapter just to ensure it didn't sound preachy one way or the other. But I'm not in a store so I go on faith here that the end is as interesting at the beginning.

Then the military with the sort of invasion that takes place (and I mean physical landing.) This could be epic!

Francene Stanley wrote 463 days ago

The first chapter sets up many scenes and the reader can expect plenty of action. I love the idea of a mysterious monolith growing in the night in Cornwall.
By the way, I think you mention the place too many times, as well as 'fateful'. Less is more.
One other thing that would make your writing better: use another sentence conscruction rather than 'was' and 'were' in descriptions.
e.g. He was growing excited again.
How about: He waved his hands in the air.
And the last para: 'as' is used twice. One of those words best avoided.

Your story sounds as if it should develop into a good one, and your imagination has created something wonderful. The writing style is just something learned. Keep at it, perfecting until the work shines.

Francene. Still Rock Water. (The main story takes place in St Ives, Cornwall. It's magical down there.)

Laurence Howard wrote 475 days ago

Eloguent, interesting and good characterisation.
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa.

"Stolen Childhood" wrote 485 days ago

Your book looks interesting, Cornwall, wow i wonder how this church is dealing with a young girl being in love curious whether it is anglican. I will read more when i got more time.
Laila

smcint04 wrote 494 days ago

Wel written - a whole big bag of characters. intriguing

Richard T Green wrote 505 days ago

Hello Patrick,

Thankyou for your kind words on The Secret Entity. I am about to read your book - you have some excellent comments - and will add mine when I've had a good read, and rate / back.

All the best
Richard

cicuta wrote 507 days ago

Dear Richard, such a riveting recherche of a start. I was subjugated by your elucidatory creation of something that was so different, it almost felt dangerous, as I delved deeper into your book. The possible deliverance of such daunting parables, was as fervidly delivered as were your obvious talents to engage the reader with all the skill of a seasoned narrator... I know nothing of punctuation, grammar etc,.. but as an avid reader, I was startled by how swiftly I read to chapter eleven; Easily an emphasis on how good the story flows. Fantastical to a point, but so passionately written; A read definitely worthy of relevant recognition. A pleasure to support such fine work. Good luck and best wishes for the future. Take care, until we meet again. Carl, [ Cicuta, Arcane ].

PatrickArmstead wrote 507 days ago

Hi Richard,

Great opening chapter! I think you're right with your genre classification, for it does contain traits of all these genres. I like your writing--it flows smoothly and quickly, easily keeping the reader(me especially) interested in the storyline. Good job and Good Luck with your book.

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

RJEK wrote 512 days ago

I thought this was interesting and well written. I've never seen anything quite like this. Good luck to you.

Cat091971 wrote 528 days ago

A lot to try to keep track of in the beginning. Still interesting enough to keep reading though. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Lies & Love"

K.Z. Freeman wrote 530 days ago

Very interesting, I'd say the start begins at the right pace, and then picks up when shit start to go down. There a bit of an abundance of characters early on tho, so maybe that will be a problem for some, I'm bad at remembering names :P

Silo62 wrote 535 days ago

Sorry Richard, I think I put my comments at another place. BACKED

John Green
The Dakota Principle

John Warren-Anderson wrote 535 days ago

Good start. I think starting with dialogue grabs attention every time.

Kaimaparamban wrote 542 days ago

A well written novel. Excellent start. In my w/l.

Joy J Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Lady Midnight wrote 546 days ago

Hi Richard, just read your pitch and opening chapter and liked both. Your narrative and dialogue are, on the whole, tight and focused, with just a slight tendency towards wordiness and overuse of adverbs. I’ve outlined my thoughts below and hope they’re of use to you. Backed.

Pitch.
A good, tightly written pitch, giving just enough insight into the story to draw the reader in.

Dialogue: “…Our message is that God doesn’t exist.” Loved this, came as a real shock.

Nitpicks: …but instead she (had) found no answers and her time alone (had) served only to unsettle her even more. Beware small words such as “had”, they’re not always necessary; i.e.: but instead she had found no answers and her time alone served only to unsettle her even more. By deleting the 2nd “had”, you lose the repetition and the sentence (in my opinion) flows better.
…not sure how it (did) start. It’s more usual to italicise words for emphasis rather than underline them.
Wordiness: …until it (just) seemed to dawn on them… Don’t think you need the bracketed word.
As above: The fact (that) everyone else already knew… As with “had” watch out for “that”. Only use it when there’s no alternative. Suggest: The fact everyone else already knew…
Unnecessary adverb: …Leon full of …energy and wanting to change (simply) everything. As you probably already know adverbs are a little frowned on these days, unless necessary. I don’t think you need the above, as the word “everything” indicates Leon’s enthusiasm for change.
As above: She sat (silently)… Again, don’t think you need this. Suggest something like: She sat in silence for what seemed an eternity. Always try to find viable alternatives to adverbs.
Wordiness: Here their medals and commendations meant nothing – except that they had initially qualified them to have been invited to partake in a crucially important job that was unlike any other in the world. This is a bit clunky and jerky. Suggest something like: Here their medals and commendations meant nothing, apart from qualifying them to partake in a crucial job unlike any other in the world.
Wordiness: He addressed the (other) two. Don’t think you need the bracketed word.
As above and repetition: “Geez Tom, you sure look stressed,” said the younger one (of the two)… Don’t think you need the bracketed words, the reader will assume this as they already know there’s two of them.
Wordiness: … his face red and (his) eyes a little wild. Don’t think you need the 2nd “his”, just: …his face red and eyes a little wild.
Repetition: “Fact is…” “Thing is…” These sound too much alike. Suggest deleting the second and beginning Tom’s reply with: “He knows what’s going on in England…”

Eveleen wrote 551 days ago

The secret entity
The pitch is good, the dialogue is good, the story enjoyble to read.
Backed
Eveleen
- Turning a new leaf
- Like a dot on the horizon

SusieGulick wrote 551 days ago

:) comment to follow after I've read your book :)

R.A. Battles wrote 553 days ago

Hello Richard,

Although I’m not crazy about the three-dot ellipses in your full pitch, it generated enough interest for me to take a peek at your chapters, and I’m glad I did. As a reader, I like your story. As a fellow writer, you’ve demonstrated a solid knowledge of the craft.

I’m happy to back you.

Rodney Battles
NEW ATTITUDES

JupiterGirl wrote 554 days ago

Hi Richard, What was most satisfying was the fact that this started out innocent enough and then we (the reader) are embarking upon on the most intriguing threads. Well done! In this day and age it is indeed to difficult to write about something that hasn't already been touched upon but your work is off to a smashing start. Good pacing to boot. Shelved and best of luck! JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane)

Villager wrote 554 days ago

This begins well with some suspense. I found this interesting and a fast read that improves the further you get into it. You have given us a most interesting mix of themes. Very promising.

Biker Chick wrote 554 days ago

A bit of fun this. A mystery at the start. Moves along a fast pace.

Long Jan Silver wrote 554 days ago

An intriguing start. I love the main theme. It is not new, but the light touch kept me reading. I look forward to many twists and turns later. I have backed it.
Jan

Neville wrote 554 days ago

Hi Richard, you 've started your book off very well. An interesting, fast moving, and compelling read.
I think this book will get even better as it goes along. You capture the reader with some good description, I could feel the anti-gravity working on the stairs. The conflict between Filedas father and the 'New Church' clearly shows with his health deterioration.
I hope you will post a few more chapters, I would like to read more as I'm hooked on it.
Pleased to rate your book. RATED.

Kind regards,

Neville THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - THE TIME ZONE.

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 555 days ago

This is one of the most intriguing tales on here at the moment. There are shades of the 'Straw-Man' legends and 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' with the decline of religion providing the vacuum to be filled. All the characters are authentic except the 'Vatican Secret Service', this seems a step too far somehow. You should do very well on here with this, well done. On our shelf as soon as we have the space. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Su Dan wrote 557 days ago

this is an interesting mix of fantasy with religeous themes. not subtle, per se. but you do keep the interest going...l hope this does well- l shall back...
read SEASONS...

Richard T Green wrote 559 days ago

Hi Mellissa,

Thankyou for your kind words - I will be reading your book over the weekend.

Richard

Mellissa Yvette wrote 559 days ago

A fantastic first 3 chapters. Wasn't sure about it when I first started reading but by half way into chapter 1 I was hooked. Really well written, and as I think has been commented, is quite a unique story. Would love to see how this develops after you've managed to set it all up so well.
Backed!

Mellissa
'Dark Angel'

cozy cats wrote 560 days ago

The first 3 chapters are intriguing and well written. I'd like to read more...see where you take it. I wish you good things and back it to help you on your way.
Anna
Cats, Diamonds & Antiques (also doesn't fit a neat category)

Tigerlady wrote 565 days ago

You are setting this up well and pulling the reader into your mystery. Could do with reading some more before making a detailed comment on plot etc. :)

Andrew Burans wrote 566 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Fileda. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. I have given you a high star rating. Space should open up on my shelf in the next couple of days and I will back your book then.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

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