A PLACE IN LIFE

Compelling story and beautifully written. Will definitely do well. Well one so far

An interesting read. Feels like now and again you sometimes reveal the event before it’s about to happen. I will continue to read. thanks

hi bOB,
I want to thank you for inviting me to read your book. Unfortunately I am not into war episodes even though I have some family members who are in the Military. I am the type that doesn't like death nor violence or seperation. I couldn't get into the sences. But I know there are many who will enjoy your book. I mainly like Non-fiction. Best wishes and God bless.

Victoria

The story is very interesting and compels the reader to continue. I have only read a few chapters but I do get the sense that I am almost reading someones diary. I think there needs to be more show then tell though. The characters are there but they are almost one dimensional. I love the details of the storyline but I feel there should be more imagery for me to get a sense of the environment in which it is staged. I look forward to reading more of it though.

Hi, i have taken some time reading this and really enjoyed it. I understand how your mother felt, so protective of you, i feel the same about my children, whether they like it or not. Really well described.
You go on to say you don't really remember her, so maybe this is for her and as i keep reading, somewhere along the way you'll be able to say goodbye. It makes me sad that everything changed for you. Really can feel the isolation you felt. great writing.
Emma

Yes I think your story is enticing and well written, particularly moving from the child you were's perspective!

Like what I have read so far. I cannot get Chapter 11 to load. I will try again another day. Other books await me!

"Hey Spaghetti Legs". That's mean. I wonder where those bullies now.

Aww...your mother vanished. That's triggered a tsunami of tears. "nobody told me what happened to mother, just that she wasn't coming home". I feel pity for you.

I'm still reading....
gripping story

Oh my God, Bob! I only read the first 3 chapters and I had the same feeling I always do when reading a memoir about a difficult childhood; I wanted to put it away and not think about it, yet at the same time I knew I had to continue because I needed to know that everything was going to turn out okay. When you write about your mother going out and never coming back I had a tear in my eye. The way you described how she wanted to protect you from the kids on the street really struck a chord with me. Since having children myself I find myself wanting to protect them from everything, and I could see that in the way you described your mother. The thought of not being there to take care of your children is unbearable.
I think I'm trying to say that I loved it. You deserve to be published. I will read the rest of it, I just had to stop to let you know what I thought.
Good luck.
Rated and ready for my bookshelf in May.
Sarah xxx

hello Robert-
book - A Place in Life-

I had read some chapters of this very good book, some 379 days ago now-
Glad to see that it is now high in the rankings, and thoroughly deserved-
I had found it to be an absorbing and engrossing story and nothing has changed my mind after reading some
more now- in fact it mellows and becomes heart-warming , and perhaps a bit sad-
it has what it takes to reach the editors desk, that's for sure-
and I wish you good luck with it Robert-

tom bye
book -from hugs to kisses-

Hi Robert, I saw you in the homepage and thought your book sounded like my sort of read. I've added it to my watchlist and will read and comment tonight ( when kids are in bed!) I also noticed that in your profile you listed 'Bird by Bird' as one of your favourite reads. This pleased me, as it is one of mine too and its not something I've heard mentioned very often.
Like I said, I will read your work tonight and comment :)
Sarah x
Song of the Siren

Old Bob,
Great writing! The language is accessible and moves easily from one sentence to another, one paragraph to another. You successfully paint a crisp portrait of Joey's world, able to draw me in to understand how traumatic those events must have been for him. The chapter feels full and satisfying, a solid chunk of information that weights the memoir to come. I'm excited to read more!

Mule

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Hi Bob, I have read through chapter 1, and I have to tell you this story is very intriguing and touching. I can see the bone of great story forming and it pulls me in. Joey is very believable and I enjoy the experience through his eyes. The loss of life at that age is a surreal thing, and his reaction and innocense feels real to me.I have placed "A PLACE IN LIFE" on my watchlist and I will be returning. You got me interested.
Good Job and Thanks for allowing me to read.

Thomas C.

I like reading this sort of book. I am not a writer (yet) but I am the audience who feeds you all. lol. I like reading about how other people have lived. Keep up the good work.

I have just read through the first chapter; I have to say -like many of the books I've ended up to love- I had to re-read over the first few paragraphs at the beginning, just because I couldn't really get into it. But after getting past that I can say I'm very interested to read the rest. I particularly like the way you described his past, It's has the short child like sentences but written in a way that really helps me imagine that I'm being told a memory rather than listening to a child tell me a story. I will give some more feedback once I've read more :)

I only made it through the first chapter, but you have piqued my interest. The voice of the narrator comes off clearly, while also attached to the main character. It definitely has the feel of a memoir. It actually makes me think of The Neon Bible, although the subject matter isn't all that similar.
Good luck, I'll check out more when I get the time.

Just one chapter for now (work to be getting to *sighs*) but I'll definitely be back.

I would probably pick this up based on the burb, and from skimming through the first few pages i.e. this chapter! Your writing is fluid and the New York dialogue in this chapter felt authentic. I like to watch what I'm reading like a little movie in my head, and this allowed me to do that. Not too much extraneous description, just enough to let me build a picture in my head. Yay! I would usually want a bit more about environment, probably a personal thing, but I'm aware that this is not going to be the main setting for the novel so I am waiting in anticipaton for more.!

Bob,
I finished your book this afternoon, and I wanted to make a few more comments on it.

Great description of the first dead American body he saw. That was gripping.
I wanted to slap his adopted parents.

Sara's death scene was sad. Also, I found his intentional harming of himself was an interesting reaction to her death. I did like how her presence was still felt.

Overall, your narrator has an authentic voice. At each new phase of his life he struggles to find where he fits in. It's a good book that many readers can identify with.

Thank you for allowing me to read it,
Ms. J

Hi Bob,

I really like this. I like your delivery. I like the way the single pace reflects the flatness of Joey's life. I like the way that you relay the way he sees things, in particular the way in which adults never used to involve children in matters that concerned them. One of my favourite parts (and I'm only at Chapter four so far), is where Joey thinks they've gone to church when they are in the Court room.

I do have a couple of observations for you to do with as you will -

- I agree with one of the comments below that you sometimes inadvertently reveal beforehand what is about to happen. Given that so much of Joey's experience of life centres on him not understanding what's going on around him and not being told, I think this acts like a spoiler to the discovery. One example is where you tell us that Joey is going to live in California and then reveal it to us in the conversation between Joey and Mrs Milling. It would be so much more powerful, in my opinion, if we just found out from that conversation; it would put us squarely in Joey's shoes.
- in chapter three, you start by describing the daily chores Joey is assigned but you use the expression 'for example' and it jars against the general tone. Could you say something like 'One of my chores, was to...'?

The only other thing is the speed with which Joey is suddenly referring to his Aunt and Uncle as his mother and father. It made me stop and go back to check about whom I was reading. Given that he didn't recognise that he was being adopted, I wonder whether he would so easily have switched to thinking of Aunty Frita as mother? And if he did, could you ease us into this some how?

Anyway, this is a really different read. I have no idea where it is going yet but I want to find out. I'm going to star it accordingly and find time to read more.

Tiara.

Sandra-Jane Goddard
The Worst Of Lies

Great start. Your dialog is especially authentic.
I'm in teacher mode, so pardon my opinions. There were a couple of places where I notices some mechanical errors. Not all of your compound sentences have the needed comma. Mrs. Hotchman had her back, is one example. I also noticed a capitalization error in the dialog... I asked her straight out.

Emotionally I am connecting to this character. Perhaps it is because I have a five year old boy. I do want to keep reading, and I will.

After reading the second chapter, I am really finding your characters authentic. It comes through in the small things like how Joey misses his toys. You've got good depth to these characters!

Thanks for the suggestion!
Ms. J

Update: I've read through chapter nine. I do wish you'd have more dialog. You're so good at it!

Hey Robert....

A lot of feeling! Captures the imagination. Easy to flow with, and to lose oneself in. Good. Well good.
Just got as far as chapter two....will get back to the rest shortly....gotta get to bloody work!!

Best regards...and thanks for the greeting!!!!!

T-browne.

HI Robert,
No doubt this is a lovely book! It brought me to tears many time. I read to chapter four, a fete I can say I have bestowed very few books and am glad I did not get dissappointed. This a beautifully emotional trapping book. Am really glad you have this one here. When Joey started liking girls then I started to smile an laugh.
Well done and good luck.
Josphine
Notime goes bye

Hi Bob,

Thanks so much for adding me to your bookshelf!! :-)

RJ Stanley

Hi Bob. I read the first few chapters of your book and I think it is fantastic and it can really pull on the heart strings. I love it.

Hi Robert, you have so many comments, I'm probably not going to say anything new but I'll just give you my own thoughts. Also, I don't think telling you how wonderful it all is will help a lot (although it most definitely is) so I'll only share what I think will help you improve on it. I have only read chapter one (all I can read for now, unfortunately) so this doesn't go for the whole book:

The story itself is a great one and you seem to have the whole thing figured out from the start. I usually don't, so you can understand my awe. The first person narration fits the story and the genre too, but I had a problem with believing the narrator after a while. You see, you begin with the words "Nobody told me what had happened to my mother . . . " but then midway into the story you claim she was hit by a car. Did you see it happen or what? I feel there is a narrative gap there.

Second thing I note about the narrative is that you tend to give away bits even before they happen. Like this one: "She bolted off the sidewalk between parked cars trying to cross the street (by the way, this means that the cars were trying to cross the street!), she never came back." This comes before the morning when the child actually discovered that she never came back. In my opinion, you need to have a story map and follow through gradually.

You'll see the same situation in the following scene: "I cried so hard, I must have passed out because I don't remember much after that." whereas two sentences later is when he actually passed out.

Finally, I was trying to guess at the age of the narrator at the time of telling the story and I found this hard. The voice is that of a very young person, of course, but then it sounds too naive and too young to know things like Hotchman's immigrant status so well. I think the line is a bit blurred with that. Either the narrator is a very young boy, in which case the voice so far fits (but be careful about things like the one I've just highlighted), or he is now somewhat grownup and must sound like one, especially one who is now 'seasoned' by all the hardship I can imagine he faced in the chapters that follow.

The problem seems to be the restrictions that come with using the first person POV. You must work hard to create a believable character and you must do a lot of subliminal explanation for what he knows and how come he knows it, especially things about other people.

Having said all these tough things, I must add that the story is really captivating and you are a superb storyteller. I don't want to sound sadistic but perhaps this boy's mother dying was the best thing to happen to him. With her over-protectiveness, I can imagine a worse fate for him and for your story - you could have been writing a thriller with a serial killer damaged from childhood as your central character!

Hi Bob.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read your book. I read through the first 10 chapters.
I was immediately drawn in to the book and felt compelled to continue reading- which is a fundamentally good sign IMO. I can see the passion in your writing.
I do agree with Caroline 84's comment that you are telling the reader about the characters emotions rather than building a mood and letting the reader feel the emotions. Perhaps you could spend some time building up the scenario and mood and let the reader figure out the message rather than telling them.
I'd also like to see some treatment of Joe adoptive parents to get their perspective. You mention it once in the first 10 chapters but don't explore the context of the cirumstance and how it affects Joey and how he responds. A balanced treatment could be even more powerful i delivering the message.
Regards
Rob

A Place in Life. More stars for such a sensitive, excellent book, Bill.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

I find your book really interesting because of the true life glimpse into that world you grew up in. I like the simplicity of your writing, saying it just as it was. There might be a few editing tidbits here and there, but all in all, I find it a good read, and will continue on, though I did not want to skim but read the first part entirely...and will continue, I really like your book. already the characters have come to life for me. Keep writing, I love the story, love your style of writing too!

Hi, and I have just read this synopsis, and find it interesting and will continue taking time day to day to read more.
I like the real life story type of reading sometimes, and this sounds as if a lifetime from beginning to end will be seen and felt through Joe's life, and though I need to upload soon this week, I love having a chance to see what other's write, besides, I love reading, so many talented people, and so far, you have caught my interest in your story. Great characters, and thanks again for welcoming me, so very kind of you;)

Hi! So I skimmed through this chapter and one of the things that really confused me is the narration. One of the passages I recall right now that confused me was when Joey was talking about how his mother ran out of the house and never came back, whereas in the few paragraphs before that, all that was mentioned was him hearing the screeching of cars. It just made me wonder what Joey really saw.

I can't quite picture the neighborhood and only got where he was staying when you mentioned that Joey lived in a New York city slum. I would have liked a bit more description, especially since I'm from another country and have never set foot in NY, and have little to no idea how NY slums are supposed to look like (aside from what they show in movies or TV shows, I suppose).

I'm also not really sure when the conversation between Joey and his mom in the first couple of paragraphs took place relative to what happened in the succeeding paragraphs.

And now! On to the good stuff! I really like Joey; I find him cute, especially when he played that game with Mrs. Hotchman. I also find his mother interesting, how she tried to keep him safe from other kids because she didn't know how else to protect him. I actually really liked his mom as a character, though I disagree with her upbringing of him, haha! I think that's what makes her real, more human. For someone who's only been in one chapter, she's been surprisingly fleshed out.

That's all I can think of for now. My suggestion is to work more on the narration so it is less confusing, and add a bit more description to get a better feel of the environment where Joey lived (how does it smell? what are its dominant colors? what can be heard?).

And keep up the good work on the characters!

Thanks again for welcoming me! :)

Hi Robert,
Joey's story is down-to-earth, real and simply expressed. I think you have written well. Many people could identify with this sad, lonely child. For people of compassion, it is a story far too common, especially where so many adults have no idea how to communicate with children. It is written in the form of a memoir and would attract an audience on that level.

Wow! You made cry! It made me remember when my father died. I am going to have to wait to read chapter 2.

The only critic I have after reading the 1st chapter is the voice of the narrator. We know that it's an older Joe flashing back to his traumatic childhood. At times It becomes hard to believe that an older Joe would us words like "mommy" or "Daddy" when describing his parents actions or features to the reader. I would expect an adult to us words like "Mother" or "Father" it becomes a little confusing and is difficult to tell if it's older Joe or the frail and sensitive adolescent Joey telling the story.

It's one minor issue that I had but got over quickly because I couldn't stop reading. It can also be argued that Older Joe may be trapped in his traumatic child hood which would justify his tone. If this is the, thats freaking brilliant!

I'm having a good time so far and can't wait to read more.

Hey - I got your message and thought I'd give it a try (if only to repay you for saying hello to an underling such as myself...I'm painfully aware I need to upload something on here soon!) And I'm glad I did. I'll be honest; this isn't the sort of story I would immediately be drawn to in the story, but when I started I found it had all the core ingredients to keep me interested. It's well written and constructed, and you can't help but carry on reading Joey's sad story. I like how the narrative is reflective (his older self) and yet he relays his early memories just as his young self would have seen them; actions he didn't understand, conversations he couldn't hear or fathom. It was engaging.
Are you thinking about publishing? I would definitely suggest that you should because I can see this having wide appeal to a good range of audience.

Have a nice day!

Very sad story, well written if a little too carefully constructed. I could have done with some shorter sentences breaking up the long paragraphs. Clever the way you let us know exactly what's going on with the father but keep the boy's view innocent, a common device but well handled here. Maybe a little long because we know what's coming but poignant and quite heartbreakingly told nonetheless. The dialogue is of its time and rings true, Mrs Hotchman is a sensitive and well drawn character and we all feel her helplessness at the heartbreaking decisions she's forced to make. Heartfelt story, well told.

I enjoyed reading your story very much. It was written with passion and emotion, and I cared for and believed Joey because of that emotion. Your writing flowed without effort. You are certainly a great storyteller. Highest stars. Lacy

Hi Bob

Just started Chapter 1 and continued reading - which is a good sign! Agree with someone else that it needs editing - cutting out on some occasional awkward phrasing, but the first letter from 'Caroline' mentions a lack of character emotion. This is something that quite appealed to me - the deadpan, all-accepting eye of childhood, and yet there's a strong undercurrent of emotion which drives the story on. (I liked the way the emotion is conveyed through the boy observing the adults' emotions.) I did feel drawn in - and if the story had been written in a more emotive style, I feel it would have been a bit over the top, as the subject matter is highly dramatic.
There's some really strong feeling coming through and I'm aware that having written it through the eyes of a child, the style will have to reflect this - ie the occasional awkward phrasing I mentioned. (I'm not too keen on the 2nd sentence - and first paragraphs are so important!)

Carry on writing!
Karen

Hi Old Bob,

I've read the first couple of chapters and will most certainly read on. I have some editorial experience having edited for a published author and one thing strikes me as a slight minus - there is a slight lack of character emotion, I feel you are telling me about your characters loneliness rather than using your not inconsiderable talent as a writer to draw me in and let me feel it. Perhaps try to consider some ways a child would see loneliness that an adult reader would understand but perhaps not necessarily consider as a first choice to make your characters voice unique.
That being said, I loved the imagery of the bubble, that sensation of being a part of the world and yet cut off from it, someone being able to 'pass through' that bubble without managing to break it made me pause and then re-read the passage to savour it.
I will certainly keep on reading.

Kind Regards and keep writing,

Caroline

Hello Old Bob,

The titles of the chapters (1-Looking Back,10-Love & 34-Reflections) appear more like those of an auto-biography than a novel's.May be you will find some more artistic yet less technical titles ?

Hello Bob,

I know what you meant when you wrote " a troubled darkness took away all my senses " ; because I have experiensed it first hand.As someone who had been robbed of his beloved mother ,I can easily identify with Joey.

I just read the first chapter of your novel and then to chapter 18 where he gets a girl before turning to the last one to check whether it has at tragic end, going by the gloomy tenor of the narration, and found to my relief that it does not.
Thanks Bob,for giving hope ,if not a message,to the less fortunate.I prefer to read the story of fthe unsung ,fringe people to those of the privileged ,that too from a developed nation.
Keep sharing your life's lessons, Old Bob.
I will read the other chapters as and when I am free to do it.

Hi Bob. Read a couple of chapters and although your writing is fluid and emotive so a reader can sympathise with Joey's plight, this is not my kind of read. Despite that, I must say that expressing things in the perspective of a six year old isn't easy and you have done that well. I mostly agree with the other comments, and in some parts there is an overuse of the 'I felt' descriptive. Are there other words you can use to lead up to describing how he feels without repeating 'I felt' so often?

Hi Bob! I’ve just taken a look at your first two chapters, and have a few suggestions/ideas to throw at you! I would firstly like to say that I think you have a great story going, so keep at it 

Now I also had a quick look at what other people have commented, so hopefully I won’t repeat anything. I agree with the feedback about trying to work out which ‘voice’ to use (adult vs. child), and using more sensual descriptions - also, try make these descriptions unique and specific to your work and your character.

Although I have not written fictional memoir, I nevertheless use ‘memory’ as a crucial component in my characterisations. So, I’m hoping that you will find some of my suggestions useful  - although I might take a very different approach.

Firstly, I think you try and cram too much into the first chapter. I found the beginning slightly confusing, with the sentence ‘This is the day I began to remember things.’

To me, this suggested your character was in the present… and I wanted to know what triggered the memory. Then, we jump into the past - and in this transition, as a reader I felt that I was left behind.

Kate already commented about the digressions from Joey’s thoughts into information about his parents… I agree that this separates the reader from Joey, and that there is not enough of an intimate connection developed between reader and child. I would consider moving information about his parents to later parts of the book - and link it to Joey’s story. Why is it relevant? What triggers him to think about his parents? Bring it back to Joey - he is the one who is narrating. Not you. And it is not a history about his parents. So unless this information is linked back to Joey, it becomes irrelevant in a way. And by link, I don’t just mean a factual link in terms of what it means for Joey physically… but what does it mean emotionally?

Secondly, the first chapter finishes with ‘a troubled darkness took away all my senses.’

For me, like with the opening, this made me wonder about how the memories were triggered. I was expecting the second chapter to follow through with this ‘darkness’ theme and to be a very emotional, sensual chapter. But, more memories were thrown in… And it felt a bit disjointed. There seemed to be too much fact/event description - as opposed to an emotional focus.

I would suggest thinking more about structure, and how you want the story to flow. Do you want your story to portray a linear sequence of events, from Joey as a boy to Joey as an adult?

Or, do you want to move back and forth through time. Do you want to explore how memories are triggered, and the impact of past vs. present?

If this is the case, you can use two voices. You can transition between Joey as a child, and Joey as an adult. I would suggest this, because in my opinion it will allow you to explore more and give you the opportunity to delve into deeper issues. For example, you can provoke readers to think about how we perceive things differently - as a child and as an adult. And, how we expect different things… What does a child expect from their parents and the world? Children are innocent… sheltered by their parents…

And what happens when they are ripped out of that shelter? Perhaps too soon - as in Joey’s case.

I would suggest having a big think about structure. Experiment; think about jumbling up your story. Events don’t have to happen in sequence. Human memory is not something that is linear, and we have zillions of thoughts rushing around at any given time. The environment that we are in draws out certain things from our mind - whether it is knowledge to cope with a situation/survive… or emotional responses to things.

Hope this has been useful and thought provoking  Best of luck! Keep me posted with how you’re going. And I hope I haven’t confused you!

Cara

Robert,
Intense read and lots of promise. I love "fictional memoirs" and think you've got a great thing going here. Must say I agree a but with what the other comments are saying, needs some editing and tweaking but definitely has a great start.

Lisa

Hi Bob, I've had a read of Chapter One and a quick look at Chapter Two. I agree with a lot of what Kate LaRue says but apart from that - for my own part think Chapter One has the makings of a good novel but it needs severe editing - you need to be ruthless and kill your darlings. There's so much that's good, but Joey's voice is lost to a great extent. When we hear it, when we get some feeling for the six year old, it's really good. Chapter Two reads much more like a memoir. Joey has gone and in his place is the adult. I think you need to stand back and think about who you want to be the narrator - the little boy or the adult. If it's the latter, then the whole book can be written from that perspective. If it's the child I think you need to gradually unfold his story. Not easy I know. I do hope you won't find my comments too critical - I've been through all this myself, including having to completely re-write and entire novel. And although it was agonising at the time, the book was better as a result.
Don't give up and whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck with it. Clodagh

Hi Bob, you asked me to take a look at your story, so here I am. I'll preface this by saying that I haven't read many memoirs, so I'm not sure what works/doesn't work in that genre, so keep that in mind while reading my comments.

First of all, this is very well written. I was able to picture the mom and Mrs. Hotchman, and you wrote the confused emotions of a six-year-old very well.

That said, here are some things that threw me out of the story. We are looking back to one day in Joey's young life, probably the catalyst for more problems to come. I found the insertions of his parents' history pulled me out of his own story. I understand why they are there, but they just don't seem to fit within the scope of a six-year-old's understanding. I realize that adult Joey is relating this story, but I just wonder if it would mesh better to show us these details about his parents through six-year-old Joey's eyes. If this truly is his first memory and he doesn't have any of his own memories of his father, then maybe his mother has a photo of his father that she keeps in a special place, perhaps one of him in uniform, that she takes down and looks at, etc. The daily trips to the mailbox were a good way to show rather than tell of his mom's anxiety about his father being gone. At one point it says that she watches for the mailman, then goes on to say that she goes to the mailbox in late afternoon. I wonder if it would be more powerful if she rushes downstairs as soon as she sees the mailman every day. Does she tell him about his dad, remind him that daddy loves him or anything of the sort?

Another paragraph that pulled me out of the narrative is the one beginning 'Funny, my mother knew exactly what to do to keep me safe.' Young Joey has just gone to sleep thinking that everything is fine, though obviously Adult Joey, as the narrator, and the reader, know different. Before we find out what happens the next morning, Adult Joey inserts his thoughts and the reality of what happened-she ran out between two parked cars. The reader already knows from the commotion on the street and the police officers visit that she had been hit by a car or something of that nature, making most of that paragraph unnecessary. Don't tell us what you've already shown us.

Watch out for telling rather than showing. When the strange woman picks Joey up to take him away, and Mrs. Hotchman turns her back on him, there is no emotion to the narrative. All we get is a list of what happens, the action. I couldn't feel Joey's emotions there. Is he scared? Feeling abandoned? Betrayed? Is the woman hurting him? Does she smell strange?

I guess over all I'd like a little more description including more of the senses. What does their apartment look like? What does it smell like? What makes it a comforting place for a little boy? Maybe Joey has just a memory of what his dad smelled like, a certain aftershave that he used, etc. Something to connect him to his dad. His mom smelled like flowers, but can you be more specific? If you just say flowers, someone might think of that overwhelming flowery smell of a funeral home. Not very comforting. Her face is gaunt, which makes me think of her as a bony frail woman, so how does it feel when she hold Joey, as opposed to Mrs. Hotchman, who you describe as large?

Again, these are just suggestions. As for continuing to read on, I just don't feel like there is any real hook or reason for me to keep reading. I feel empathy for Joey and the loss of his parents, but as for continuing on his journey with him, there just isn't anything that made me truly invested in finding out what happens to him. Maybe if the very first line contained some sort of hook to get us interested in this character and invested in the outcome and the journey. I'm not sure at all where Joey's story is going. Without some hint, you're asking a lot of your readers to have faith that we are going somewhere interesting/compelling, or that we're going anywhere at all.

Hope this is helpful. I really do think this is well written and I wish you luck with it.

Kate

An interesting read. The story is fresh and clearly took a lot of effort to construct.

During the chapter about Sara's death (especially the group hug), it seemed a little like "Captains Log" approach; As if I was watching it on tv rather than living the experience. For the remainder of the book when you recalled her it wasn't as a past event, it was happening IN the story. It's actually a problem I'm having with my writing so perhaps I'm over focused on it.

I did read it very quickly so that's a good thing. Best of luck with it. :c)(

Old Bob. Terrific story, well written. Got nothing but good things for you. Best of luck on this!!

Read the first chapter; What a great read, I could almost picture Hotchman and Joey.

Old Bob, you captured me with that first sentence and kept me wanting to find out about Joey. Your writing is smooth and reads beautifully. You capture with the emotional intensity. Great sense of setting as he dangles his feet through the wrought iron grate. I could feel him wish to play with them and identified with the overprotective mom wanting to keep him safe. Beautifully done. I only had time for a couple of chapters, but I've added it to my WL to read more. High stars because your writing is superb.
T. Donna Robison (No Kiss Good-bye)