Losing Hazel

Anyone who has lost a loved one particularly a family member, will relate to this story. There are powerful emotions conveyed well and this makes absorbing reading.
It will be interesting to see where you take us with this tale, meanwhile it is a remarkable tribute which I'm happy to support. Margaret.

This is beautifully written. It has a bittersweet effect on me as it is so similar to my father's death almost two years ago, as I was not with him either at the end and felt guilt for a long time afterwards, even though logic tells me there was nothing I could do about it. I defy anyone to read this and not weep. It is real tragedy personified. I will read all of this. Backed without hesitation. Carole.

Dear Lynn, I love your pitch about mother & daughter because my only daughter who is 40 is so special & we have such a good relationship :) - am glad she moved back 10 years ago to my area & I get to see my granddaughter, too. :) Your chapter 3 reminded me of the funerals of all of my family members (mom, dad, sisters, brother/friends) which is totally traumatic - some people have never lost anyone or been to a funeral & you really showed it like it is. Thank you. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist which I'll back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs books? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk. :) Love, Susie :)

Thank you for your comment. I'm reading some of your book today. I love your unusual plot and the way you write! I have it on my watch list and am sure I'll be backing/bookshelving it soon. Hope you will feel the same way about mine!

This was so sad. I read one chapter of your book and hope to read more later on. Adding it to my watchlist.

LOSING HAZEL: LYNN SCANLAN

Lynn,

Powerfully moving.

A story that can be told, retold and spun many times, leaving one with a feeling of peaceful want. You write with feeling imbibing the story with your telling in ways that makes the reader devour it more and more. Always a pleasure to back books that tell of love and life.

Kind Regards,
Romilla
Forgetting Sally

Lynn, you have written a very moving study of grief and loss.

Backed with pleasure.

David

'Master Act': a memoir

Very emotional first chapter, you describe the emotion amazingly well. Very brave of you to write about this.

Thank you for taking the time to read Losing Hazel and for your unique critique. (about the posing of the body) I've only seen a couple of people who had recently passed in the hospital; my Mother, who was not worked on and there for left as she slept and a gentleman who was worked on extensively and was left with his arms at his sides. The Dr. I worked for told me they didn't like to move the patient until after family viewing time if they didn't have to. They just examine for a pulse, which is easily done without moving their body. Anyway, hope that helps clarify.

And yes, my Mother did contact me after her death. There was a huge secret she had to share. I didn't include those chapters in this site.

Thanks again,
Lynn Scanlan

Hi Lynn,
It would take someone extremely hard hearted not to be moved by a story like this. It's human nature to feel compassion and want to send out a huge hug. It really depends on where you want to take this story though. If you have written it all down so as to remember and share and remind yourself how much you loved Hazel, then it's job done, and all your friends and family can read it and share the good memories. If on the other hand you want the whole world to read this, you'll have to give them something more. You need to make the readers care for your characters, and by that I mean get to know them.

If this is to be a published memoir, you need to have Hazel alive and the readers loving her first. Right now, there is no satisfaction, we know she is dead, so unless there is some strange occurance after her death, ie she talks and leads you from some dangerous situation (just an idea) there will be no satisfaction. The family members are not unusual enough to make the aftermath of the death of a loved one unique. Most families have estranged relatives turning up and wanting something.

I have a little niggle with finding out that Hazel died of a brain haemorrhage and then walking in the room to find her in her normal sleeping position. This suggests that they didn't even examine her or pronounce her dead. I'm pretty sure they would always straighten limbs and lay them in a restful position. (sorry, I don't mean to sound as if I am disbelieving you, but it seems very very strange to me)

SO... depending on whether you want this published or not, I would have a good hundred or so pages of Hazel alive before you hit these chapters, which I would call the END.

Hope this helps.
Sue

Hi Lynn,
It would take someone extremely hard hearted not to be moved by a story like this. It's human nature to feel compassion and want to send out a huge hug. It really depends on where you want to take this story though. If you have written it all down so as to remember and share and remind yourself how much you loved Hazel, then it's job done, and all your friends and family can read it and share the good memories. If on the other hand you want the whole world to read this, you'll have to give them something more. You need to make the readers care for your characters, and by that I mean get to know them.

If this is to be a published memoir, you need to have Hazel alive and the readers loving her first. Right now, there is no satisfaction, we know she is dead, so unless there is some strange occurance after her death, ie she talks and leads you from some dangerous situation (just an idea) there will be no satisfaction. The family members are not unusual enough to make the aftermath of the death of a loved one unique. Most families have estranged relatives turning up and wanting something.

I have a little niggle with finding out that Hazel died of a brain haemorrhage and then walking in the room to find her in her normal sleeping position. This suggests that they didn't even examine her or pronounce her dead. I'm pretty sure they would always straighten limbs and lay them in a restful position. (sorry, I don't mean to sound as if I am disbelieving you, but it seems very very strange to me)

SO... depending on whether you want this published or not, I would have a good hundred or so pages of Hazel alive before you hit these chapters, which I would call the END.

Hope this helps.
Sue

Anyone who has lost a loved one particularly a family member, will relate to this story. There are powerful emotions conveyed well and this makes absorbing reading.
It will be interesting to see where you take us with this tale, meanwhile it is a remarkable tribute which I'm happy to support. Margaret.

I have read a lot of books about parents and their children and they were normally boring or just never made me feel connected to the reader. The loss of her mother was deep and really hit home for me. Great start to this book.

Just finished this first chapter. Very powerful - it really grabbed my attention and was well-written so that I was not distracted by errors in grammar or punctuation. The only suggestions I have are to think of a less trite way to say "like a demon possessed" and to find a more specific word for "horrible goings-on." I will definitely give this some stars and put it on my shelf!

LOSING HAZEL: LYNN SCANLAN

Lynn,

Powerfully moving.

A story that can be told, retold and spun many times, leaving one with a feeling of peaceful want. You write with feeling imbibing the story with your telling in ways that makes the reader devour it more and more. Always a pleasure to back books that tell of love and life.

Kind Regards,
Romilla
Forgetting Sally

Thank you for your comment. I'm reading some of your book today. I love your unusual plot and the way you write! I have it on my watch list and am sure I'll be backing/bookshelving it soon. Hope you will feel the same way about mine!

This was so sad. I read one chapter of your book and hope to read more later on. Adding it to my watchlist.

Thank you for your comment. I'm reading some of your book today. I love your unusual plot and the way you write! I have it on my watch list and am sure I'll be backing/bookshelving it soon. Hope you will feel the same way about mine!

This was so sad. I read one chapter of your book and hope to read more later on. Adding it to my watchlist.

Lynn

You write from the heart, sharing your experiences and conveying your emotions .
The writing is evocative and powerful and a memorial to a much loved and missed mother. I know how difficult it was for you to write.

Jane

'Breath in the Dark '

This was so sad. I read one chapter of your book and hope to read more later on. Adding it to my watchlist.

You're welcome! Please add me to your bookshelf and back my book too! How can you tell who has backed and 5 or 6 starred your book? I thought I already did rate yours with the stars. Please let me know so I can check to see who has backed mine. Thanks! lynn

You are totally fantastic, Lynn! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to make sure that I had ******-rated your book & I had :) - could you please ****** mine? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart :) every ******-ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk. :)

You are totally fantastic, Lynn! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to make sure that I had ******-rated your book & I had :) - could you please ****** mine? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart :) every ******-ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk. :)

LOSING HAZEL by Lynn Scanlan.

An overwhelming expression of grief grips the reader in the opening chapter - of the 3 posted - as the shock of a mothers's sudden death takes hold on her loving daughter. Doubless, pace and control of the narrative will develop as a coming to terms with bereavement is realised. At this stage of the book, the density of description and the intensity of feeling possess the writer to such an extent that a reader's empathy is greatly challenged. Neverthess there is a sufficient good standard of writing to warrant further interest as to how the story will unfold as Loss is gradually resolved in Acceptance. I plan to return when further chapters are posted.

Tony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

DEAR LYNN' LOSING HAZEL'
I CAN WELL UNDER STAND WHAT LOSING YOUR MOTHER MEANS TO YOU, This is a heartbreaking story about the love that you had for her , and so well written , it will get many readers ,
backed
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES;
backing of mine appreciated

DEAR LYNN' LOSING HAZEL'
I CAN WELL UNDER STAND WHAT LOSING YOUR MOTHER MEANS TO YOU, This is a heartbreaking story about the love that you had for her , and so well written , it will get many readers ,
backed
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES;
backing of mine appreciated

A very emotional opening chapter. There was obviously a close bond between mother and daughter. This is well written, with good narrative and dialogue. The end of the chapter is particularly heartbreaking, not being able to feel her mother's eyes on her any more.

Many stars!

Craig Ellis
The Sun and the Saber

This must be a difficult book to write - lots of emotion here - but realistically portrayed. One of my final chapters deals with a mother's death, also. I am backing based on the little that I have had time to read tonight, and I wish you the very best with this effort. Keep writing!!

Patricia West Hays
The Witness Tree

You can count on it! I believe I already backed and *****d your book. Thank you for all your kind words, it means a lot to me. I need *****s and lots of backing. Hope you will back mine too. Thanks for everything. Lynn Scanlan

Dear Lynn, I love your pitch about mother & daughter because my only daughter who is 40 is so special & we have such a good relationship :) - am glad she moved back 10 years ago to my area & I get to see my granddaughter, too. :) Your chapter 3 reminded me of the funerals of all of my family members (mom, dad, sisters, brother/friends) which is totally traumatic - some people have never lost anyone or been to a funeral & you really showed it like it is. Thank you. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist which I'll back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs books? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Lynn, I love your pitch about mother & daughter because my only daughter who is 40 is so special & we have such a good relationship :) - am glad she moved back 10 years ago to my area & I get to see my granddaughter, too. :) Your chapter 3 reminded me of the funerals of all of my family members (mom, dad, sisters, brother/friends) which is totally traumatic - some people have never lost anyone or been to a funeral & you really showed it like it is. Thank you. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist which I'll back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs books? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk. :) Love, Susie :)

This hit a raw nerve with me as I was with my mum when she died aged 61 a few years ago. I cried as I read it as it brought back the emotions and shock I felt at the time too. Well written and brave. On my WL

Oh this really affected me. I was crying whilst reading it right from the start. Our family is really close and would react exactly like this. I have enjoyed reading this immensly, thank you x

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 20 hours later :)

Thank you, Paul for taking the time to read a bit of Losing Hazel and for your feedback. I appreciate both! I'm looking forward to reading yours.

lynn Scanlan

Hey Lynn,

I like your expressive dialogue - maybe could reduce the amount of exclamation points, but backed with pleasure.

You might enjoy my story - All In One Week.

Best wishes - Paul Barr
All In One Week
Cross My Path

I appreciate your feedback and would welcome reading your book. What is the title? I'll take a peek.
lynn Scanlan

My father’s voice shook as he told me the hospital just called. “Lynn! There’s been a change in her condition; they want us to come now.”


You have a strong voice, but your intuition is a bit off on what you should or need to reveal. No need to say “your mother” as the character is obviously going to be aware of who is in the hospital, so there is no need to mention it in the dialogue. It makes the dialogue more believable, by making it less protracted and formal. Conversational is the key to dialogue. Also, not saying “mother” makes the reader more curious about what is going on. Try not to reveal too much too soon. I question left hanging in your reader’s mind may be the hook needed to get them to turn the page. Make them curious what is going on. The art of telling the story is just as important as the story itself, so slow down and reveal a little at a time. This is a good read, very interesting and compelling. I will read some more and send you another comment as a go along. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think.


blueboy

Thank you, Carole for taking the time to read a bit of my book. Your feedback means a lot to me. i read it several times. Please write again when you finish reading "Losing Hazel".
Hope to hear from you soon.
lynn Scanlan

This is beautifully written. It has a bittersweet effect on me as it is so similar to my father's death almost two years ago, as I was not with him either at the end and felt guilt for a long time afterwards, even though logic tells me there was nothing I could do about it. I defy anyone to read this and not weep. It is real tragedy personified. I will read all of this. Backed without hesitation. Carole.

My father’s voice shook as he told me the hospital just called. “Lynn! There’s been a change in her condition; they want us to come now.”


You have a strong voice, but your intuition is a bit off on what you should or need to reveal. No need to say “your mother” as the character is obviously going to be aware of who is in the hospital, so there is no need to mention it in the dialogue. It makes the dialogue more believable, by making it less protracted and formal. Conversational is the key to dialogue. Also, not saying “mother” makes the reader more curious about what is going on. Try not to reveal too much too soon. I question left hanging in your reader’s mind may be the hook needed to get them to turn the page. Make them curious what is going on. The art of telling the story is just as important as the story itself, so slow down and reveal a little at a time. This is a good read, very interesting and compelling. I will read some more and send you another comment as a go along. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think.


blueboy

This is beautifully written. It has a bittersweet effect on me as it is so similar to my father's death almost two years ago, as I was not with him either at the end and felt guilt for a long time afterwards, even though logic tells me there was nothing I could do about it. I defy anyone to read this and not weep. It is real tragedy personified. I will read all of this. Backed without hesitation. Carole.

Hey Lynn,

I like your expressive dialogue - maybe could reduce the amount of exclamation points, but backed with pleasure.

You might enjoy my story - All In One Week.

Best wishes - Paul Barr
All In One Week
Cross My Path