Andwyrden

cant wait fo more,i luv

Surreal and rather compelling!
I look forward to reading the rest.
By the way, I'm sure someone must have already pointed this out but there seem to be some T's missing from the beginning of two of the paragraphs in chapter 3 (There was no food in the kitchen... and The sitting room where...). Also a final E off 'plate' in the paragraph after.
Good stuff!

Well, I love the premise. I get the impression from the hook that it's not fully formed yet, but the idea of being stuck with a marriage to a necromancer makes me want to read more. Thus, I read on...

I tend to write down my musings as I read, then pass them along. I'm fast becoming a stickler for grammar, so please forgive me if most of my notes are on that.

"It wouldn't be hard to cross the little stream; it wasn't very deep or wide and she knew the places WHERE the barrier was even thinner."

Concern: it's her POV, but she's remarking on her own thin fingers, white skin... Later you say 'she was milk-white against hte darkness'. Someone else has to be watching for that remark to be valid. How would she know what she looked like?

Comma splices, like the one I fixed above with a ; Another one, in conversation: "Grand houses, theaters and banquet halls, I could be a maid." Change the last , to a .

And the punctuation around the names of the sorciers is rough.

Ah yes, a riddling cat. Classic. I like it. A world of talking animals, but each with their own unique style. Very good!

But watch the use of 'you' in narration. Same goes for ! Fine in dialogue. Not so fine in narration.

"Her mother was right, the world was too dangerous." Another comma-splice. Two sentences.

Bit of confusion at the end. Why does she have no where to go? What's scared her? The impending marriage or the forest? Oh, and who is she praying to? You've established a whole new world... so what dieties are there?

This is a great start. It does need some fine-tuning but you mentioned in your profile that you tend to write, then edit, then get bored... so maybe you're not yet at the edit phase. And I know I have to edit a million times to get rid of the mistakes.

Good luck. If you a sec, I'd love to hear your thought on Stand.

Shakat
Stand

Oooh this is wonderful. I coudn't stop reading. Backed! and best of Luck

Oooh this is wonderful. I coudn't stop reading. Backed! and best of Luck

This is an excellent book and I do not understand why your writing talent has not been recognized by Authonomy OR Harper Collins - a gifted imagination and a unique storyline make this YA book tough to put down. Im shelving this one in the hopes of giving it the exposure it well deserves.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Hi Christian,

An excellent start, I hope you can finish the book and keep it on that level. Backed

Interestingly you and I share a surname, do you mind telling me where you live? I'm in Oregon in the U.S. You might be interested in my book, Jihad al-Sayf which you can find here. Just search either for the title or for Lillywhite.

HL

i luv this story cant wait for more