The Transformation of Stevie Reilly

A creative premise to be sure and one that invites the reader to play along, as each experiments with what it means to change genders, if only for awhile. The author has invested humor as well as pathos. It is difficult to comprehend the idea of such a change, so it is the challenge of the author to make it believable. Nice transition in start of chapter 2 to how we got here. I too would prefer shorter chapters. Good luck to you. Will back when I can move other books off the shelf.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

A creative premise to be sure and one that invites the reader to play along, as each experiments with what it means to change genders, if only for awhile. The author has invested humor as well as pathos. It is difficult to comprehend the idea of such a change, so it is the challenge of the author to make it believable. Nice transition in start of chapter 2 to how we got here. I too would prefer shorter chapters. Good luck to you. Will back when I can move other books off the shelf.

A creative premise to be sure and one that invites the reader to play along, as each experiments with what it means to change genders, if only for awhile. The author has invested humor as well as pathos. It is difficult to comprehend the idea of such a change, so it is the challenge of the author to make it believable. Nice transition in start of chapter 2 to how we got here. I too would prefer shorter chapters. Good luck to you. Will back when I can move other books off the shelf.

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

The only thing I found wrong in my eyes was how long the first chapter was. I felt you could have easily cut it in two, making it two shorter chapter to make it eaier to read. i think if I had met Machelle in the manner that Stevie had I would have left the cheek so and so where I found her. I certainly would not have offered her a lift but I'm not Stevie. The visit to the toilet each was forced to do shows how much thought you have put into this. WLed

Hi Chas - I'm still reading about Stevie, buit by bit - the further into the story I get the better I like it. Once the 30 days since I backed it is up I'll stick it on my shelf again to see if it gives you a boost. I'd hate this one to sink. -Liz

Liz,

Bless you! I was really touched by your comment. However, things have gone pear-shaped Authonomy-wise. We've had a family crisis and had to travel to France to look after grandchidlren and I've lost touch with Authonomy completely. Can only gey online every few days, so i'm going tohave to forget it. I'm now plummetting down the heap. I was going to pull the book, but will leave it meantime if you want to read more. best of luck, Chas

Chaz, Thanks, and you're on.

Chaz, I like the premise of your story. It's quite original. Humour and pace flow along like a Scottish river. There's not much to worry about with regards the actual writing. I'd just watch out for a few words that could be omitted, and maybe tighten up a few sentences. Coke, as in Coke can should be capped BT. It may go on my bookshelf. I only hesitate because I haven't been around long and need to read others first. But so far, it deserves a spot.

Hi CV. Watchlisted you too!
Hoppin(soon to be renamed Hobgoblet.Top secret to a few! ha ha ).Far better for 8/9 year olds. This was originally for slightly older then i realized boys they would not go with the fairies plus some comments on here .
Have reworked it so its still unfinished. I have cut,edited reworked so please allow for this!

On my shelf. You deserve it. Thank you!

Gosh, you do know the area! Yes, few people know about Europe's only desert. I do describe the setting more in later chapters, but perhaps not enough. You have a point!
Thanks for that,
Nicky
(Chickens and Churchbells)
P.S. I see you are climbing nicely, told you so!

Hello Chas,
I've finally had a chance to read the T of S R and liked it very much. It is well written, with a pace that trots along pleasingly. (Beware of over long sentences, though, like 'I had rarely sworn at women...throughout the day'.)
It is lively, partly due to the realistic dialogue. Writing in the first person is always tricky (I should know!) but I think you have mastered it beautifully. I loved 'her high horse came galloping back' .
Onto my shelf it goes. I'll be interested to see how quickly it rises in the ranks, number 178 as I speak -but not there for long! Good luck! (Thanks again for backing me.)
Nicky
(Chickens and Churchbells)

Chas, thanks so much for your encouraging comments. Glad you enjoyed, and while Anglesy probably isn't as remote as your island, we're getting a hell of a battering today too! The book is virtually finished, although I'm still editing and have amended bits and pieces. It's my third finished novel, and I base all of them around these parts. Hope you enjoy the rest of your chapters, and would love a spot on your shelf if you feel the urge! (Can't blame a lady for being cheek can you? :o) )

Chas, I've had you on my watchlist for awhile, so apologies it's taken me so long to get round to reading this. But I'm really glad I did. I enjoyed the read a lot. I particularly like Stevie & Michelle and the realationship you have going on there. I love the sense of humour and wit that really makes your story sparkle, and I think one majoy positive here is that you've started the story at the right spot, the surprise works really well. I've only had time to read two chapters today, but I shall definitely be back for more. Could I ask for your comments on The Charter when you have chance too, as I think we did a tit for tat deal in the forum. Good work!

That's very generous of you to back me, Chas. I shall be back... working through my chaotic watch list as I speak.
The T of S R looks most intriguing.
Nicky
Chickens and Churchbells)

Hello, Chas,
You are right, I've just read your bio and we have a lot in common. ( Except I never became a headteacher!) I have put The Transformation of S R on my watchlist queue and look forward to reading it.
Nicky
(Chickens and Churchbells)

thank you Chas, and my reading eyes are tired too! I'm writing in the present tense so obviously if I mention anything before that moment it will be in past tense. I think all books do it but when they're written entirely in past tense (which most are) you don't notice when they refer back. I think it's very difficult to read a literary book on this site too. Dan Holloway and Paul House are wonderful writers but trying to read them on screen is quite hard work. Ali.

Hi Chas, am hoping to catchup on my reading over the next few days. re your comment on my book re sustaining the voice/style for a whole chapter, I was questioning can I sustain this for a whole book! Ali.

Chas, I have now had a chance to read a decent chunk of 'The Transformation of Stevie Reilly'. I think the storyline so far is brilliant. Having been on Authonomy for just over a week I've decided to sort out my bookshelf and just keep the best – yours stays there on merit. Some feedback - but please don't regard these as criticisms, just a different perspective:-
- I'd put "and strode towards me" instead of "striding" (para 3).
- I don't really like "with darkish hair" how about just "with dark hair"?
- Have you revised the beginning? There is very little description of Stevie Reilly until quite far in, when we learn he is 27, single and in sales for the past year, having previously been a labourer. In fact you don't know that is his name until fairly far in either. I found myself wondering if this man in the car was indeed the Stevie Reilly of the title or someone else?
- "By touch I felt for the seat belt to unravel it". Do seat belts unravel unless they are tangled up? I'd probably just put "to undo it".
- I would have a look at the use of the word "that" right through. I think you might be able to delete a few of them. I have a similar habit myself and when I edit I usually end up crossing a lot of them out – in my case it makes it flow better, although it is a personal preference.
- On the same point, I had some very good advice from a published author, which was to go through your writing and actively try to get rid of words that you don't need. A couple of examples:- "…lipstick, which I had tasted moments earlier on my tongue" reads better as just "…..lipstick, which I had tasted moments earlier". "I think they've swapped over our minds" reads better as "I think they've swapped our minds". "I remember us breaking down" becomes "I remember breaking down".
- If it was me, I would think twice about "I wondered if I was going to be lumbered with a crap name like Michelle for the rest of my life?". I don't know any, but when you are published how many people called Michelle are going to be reading your book, or people whose mum or daughter or girlfriend or wife are called Michelle? I'd stick to "was I going to be lumbered with a name like Michelle for the rest of my life?"
- There are some really nice lines in there. I particularly liked "Two Stevie Reillys would populate the earth in different forms."
- I'd noticed this one when I had a quick look before : The writing flows really well once the dialogue starts.
- Great humour. I read this once again at work over lunch and couldn't help laughing to myself. Brightened up the afternoon. I will be back to read more, not to give you a critique on it, but just because I like it.
Regards…………………………….Jack.

This is indeed a novel idea for a book, full of philosophical and comic possibilities. I read the first chapter.

Michelle doesn’t seem very intelligent for a professional woman. Have you run this past any females? She’s a bit slow catching on, and aggressive with it. And the man’s stereotypical ideas about women being hopeless at everything, and unable to order a drink at a bar, or pay for their car repairs, will alienate half your readership. Fighting with a handbag and fingernails? You’ll be having her screaming at mice next.

Any female readers who are still with you will depart when they reach the underpants. This guy is seriously unappealing.

I felt when she told Stevie not to drink Guinness you got it right – that would be my concern if a stranger got hold of my body, so to speak.

Other thoughts – why didn’t Stevie have a mobile phone, when everyone does? Not sure that ‘Jesus’ would be regarded by most men as ‘gutter language’ these days. I think the first thing Stevie would check would be his genitalia, men being the phallo-centric beings they are. He is surprisingly prim about this. Also, I felt this section went on too long – I wanted to know what happened next. If he says ‘Sorry!’ you don’t need ‘he apologised’.

Well, I read a bit of this over my lunch hour and I am hooked. You are on my bookshelf. Only comment so far is that once the dialogue starts, the flow of the story picks up quite noticeably. Will be back to read some more.

Hey Steve,

Have had a look at your pitch and think I will like your novel, unfortunately I have no time to read it just yet but will soon. Good Luck.
Ma

Chas, I've only just managed to get into this - third time of trying I think - and I really do want to comment on it in detail. however, I really have to do other things right now or I'll be right out of food/clean clothes/clean crockery. If I don't get back v soon then PLEASE drop by my page and remind me.

Hi CV.
Have added you to my watchlist. Will be back to read more than just the short pitch and give you some comments. Good luck.
.........................Jack.