Hearts and Lies

HEARTS AND LIES
by Jennie Lyne Hiott

…begins with typical, star-crossed lovers: Sean is a Mafioso; Sara, a preacher’s daughter. I saw the entire story unfold within the first dozen paragraphs. Then there is an attack and flashforward 15 years…I find (actually, I was elated to find) that there is nothing trite or predictable about Hoitt’s story. I know Sean’s loss of his true love will send him spiraling into darkness and violence, and I look forward to it.

The story shifts to Jesse Sanchez, a cop who had to give up her dream job at the FBI because of a relationship with a fellow agent, Josh, whom she subsequently married. But Jesse and Josh’s relationship is on the rocks. Now that the FBI wants Jesse to help them bring down the big bad Gianetti Family (which just happens to belong to Sean), I see a complicate dance emerging (all puns intended…read the story). By the way, Jesse fortunately (or unfortunately) happens to look at little like Sean’s dead wife Sara.

Will Jesse infiltrate the organization, seduce Sean, and bring down the Family? Or will she alternately be seduced by Sean and his dark way of life?

I want to know more…

I like this story because I like the protagonists. Sean seems to have the most depth so far. He really wants to put the Family and its darkness behind him, but the Family won’t let him go. He is intelligent yet self-destructive, romantic yet brutal. All he really wants is someone to love and love him in return. His darkness is a shadow of his potential goodness, and he knows it. But he allows his way of life to control him, and he hates himself for it. I like Jesse too, but she has as yet (in this oh-too-brief excerpt) fully come to life. I feel though that she is getting there. I am not certain that she would allow her husband Josh to push her around in such a stereotypically chauvinistic way. Perhaps there is something later in the story (not on Authonomy) to explain this.

Some things Hoitt needs to consider as she considers revision:

Chapter 3: Would Sean really kill Drew himself, or because of his contempt, would he step back to have one of his henchmen do it? Perhaps allow Grato do something to illustrate his sick sense of humor.

Chapter 4: I am not certain the fight between Jesse and Josh is wholly believable. Perhaps Josh is too peevish and callow? He doesn’t come across this way in the earlier scene.

Chapter 6: “passerbies” should be at least passer byes, but that is considered substandard; the correct form is “passers by.” Also… I kind of expected Spencer at De’Bris to give her a hard time, and Jesse should have expected it too. Perhaps he is so lecherous because he knows the patrons are worse and wants to see how she handles it—if he were to hire her. I believed he caved in to her for the wrong reason. It should have been because of her plucky, gritty response—not because he is afraid of any law enforcement. He is more than likely “protected.” He should laugh in her face and tell her he likes her spine better than her tits, and gives her one night on the stage to prove herself. Something to think about.

Please put more on Authonomy, Jennie.

I think that says it all.

Johnny Appleseed
THE DARK BETWIXT

Hearts and Lies is part action-packed adventure and part love story. I’ve never really been a fan of the way most romance novels are written, and the opening of Hearts and Lies with lovers playing around in bed kind of scared me as to what was coming next.

However, author Jennie Lyne Hiott has crafted a really fine crime drama that just happens to have a love story at its core. This Romeo and Juliet-like tale takes place in modern day, and Hiott has a firm understanding of how both police and the mafia work. Or at least that’s how it seems as everything is completely believable here.

The characters are very well created. I like how Jessie is not a stereotype of a cop, and Sean is certainly not what you would expect from a mob boss’ son. The dialog is particularly strong and really helps with the characterization too. And the pacing is just about perfect, not so fast that you can’t keep up, but there is never a dull moment either.

Readers who enjoy romance will love Hearts and Lies, and even those like me where it’s not their favorite genre will find a lot to love. Hiott is a very talented writer and she leads us through this story like a pro who’s already been published, which I have little doubt she will one day become.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

I enjoy your writing style because it flows nicely while it draws me into the world you create. i like that what I encounter, is easy for me to visualize. I enjoy the fact that I can see your characters and that I find myself gaining interest in them from the onset of your book. I am looking forward to reading more of this book as well as another of yours I've chosen to shelf. . .I will be saying more as I read on.

Hi Jennie
I really enjoyed your opening chapter and will certainly be reading more. I like the way you play with people's expectations in the first chapter. It opened seeming like an everyday romance but then details start to creep in that alter your perceptions until the shooting at the end. Very exciting and certainly will encourage me to read on.

Hi Jennie,
I've just read your novel and I LOVED it!!! I'm definitely putting it on my shelf. I love the way you write, it's fast paced, full of action and kept me hooked from the get-go. I like Jessie, she is a good, strong, solid main character and you've established her well. The conflict you've created is believeable and heart rendering at times. I wanted Jessie to punch Josh so badly!
I think this is a very well written, tight novel and I would defnitely buy it if it was in bookstores.
If you've written more can you please please post it?! I'm dying to know what happens next!!!!!!!!!
Yasmin xxx

Dear Jennie
I've just managed to get through all the reads on my WL.
If you want I propose a swap as I'm setting up some books on my list for next week.
I'll read, comment and rate your book if you can help me with my book please. I would really appreciate the support. Meanwhile I'm putting your book on my WL.
Hope to hear from you soon. Kind regards
Maretha/ African Adventures of Flame,Family,Furry and Feathered Friends

Hi Jennie,

I've read a lot of American crime fiction and offer the following comments - meant to be constructive - on the opening to Hearts and Lies.

My feeling is that the story really begins with Jessie - so I would suggest shortening chap 1 and turning it into a prologue. You have a tendency to slip into the past (the elopement in ch 1, Jessie's record and her father's fate in ch 2). This can interrupt the all-important forward momentum in the early stages and I know that editors advise that it go in later as backstory. It's unusual to have a husband and wife working together on a case. Writers like to put in domestic scenes as tension-breakers and to show that the MC has a life away from work. Is that possible in your set up? I'll have to read on to find out - and I will!

I hope something here will be of use to you.

Camac Johnson
Untouchable

Romance and crime sometimes make an explosive mixture. The beginning of the book gives us a classical example of a romantic love. But we feel that it can not last long, for the main characters here are on the opposite poles - he's an offspring of a criminal clan's leader, she's a priest's daughter. The result of it is a tragedy. Well painted scenes and sketches let the reader's imagination slide smoothly through the story.
Then we meet Jessie, a very energetic and ambitious police officer. This character is well established, the readers can't but like it. The pace of the narration is up to situation. Sometimes there's a feeling, though of an unnecessary detailing. Papa once said, that everything that can be guessed must not be written. Let the reader's imagination work!
All in all , the book is well written and has a bright future.

Six stars, WL and a candidate to a shelf.

Best of luck, dear Jennie!

Val But
Escape

I enjoyed this very much. I like the premise of the mob boss and the undercover agent getting together. I can see the reader's emotions are going to be thrown into turmoil by their developing relationship. You have set up the story well, it's got a punchy tone and is full of action and because of this I feel motivated to carry on reading. I shall place on my WL for now, to return to. Highly starred.
Best of luck with your writing.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Hi Jennie,
I dropped in to read your book, but when I went to click on CH3 I got an error message, so I am not sure if it is the book or the site.
The first 2 chapters are really great. You did a very good job of writing Sean's heartbreak.
My one nitpick is that Jessie works for the Texas PD. Texas is huge. I know (because I live in Austin) that there are a zillion different police forces. There are Constables and Marshals and Peace Officers. I used to work for the Attorney General's Office, and my division was in charge of the Peace Officers that travelled into Mexico to to speak with the Attorneys General form the border states and Mexico. I will tell you that making arrangements to fly officials into Mexico is harrowing and scary. There are FBI Contacts and Counter-terrorism working groups all situated in Austin. I would be a little more specific about what exactly Jessie's job is. You could pretty much select any of the larger cities to have the sort of force she would be working on, but if Josh is an FBI agent, most likely he'd be in Austin, Dallas or San Antonio.
I hope that helps!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

This has a good start leaving you wanting to know more. It flows well and has really good descriptions

This echoes of James Lee Burke's "Heaven's Prisoners" or was that "Jolie Blon's Bounce". Your character however reminds me of a friend or two I might have carried home after a drunken tirade in One Eyed Jacks, the carrousel bar in The Hotel Monteleone, or Mimi's in the Marigny. Usually the drinking started over the woman that got away like Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca". Great job with the writing so far.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Wow. I absolutely love your writing style. I've only read the first chapter but I was immediately hooked and can't wait to keep reading. The story flows so effortlessly. The conversation is so real. You are the real deal. I am backing your book wholeheartedly.

Sylvia Talo
Deadly Dot Com Revenge

Wow. I wasn't expecting that. I got drawn in very quickly and loved it. Have only read the first few chapters but am loving it. So glad you wrote and asked me to check it out. A very enjoyable read that suspends reality in the best kind of way. I would definitely pick this up in a bookstore. Highly starred. Great work and best of luck on getting back up to the ED. (:

Bre
Memoria

A very good start to this story. It was captivating and brought the reader to the next page. I gave this high stars for what I read.

HEARTS AND LIES
by Jennie Lyne Hiott

…begins with typical, star-crossed lovers: Sean is a Mafioso; Sara, a preacher’s daughter. I saw the entire story unfold within the first dozen paragraphs. Then there is an attack and flashforward 15 years…I find (actually, I was elated to find) that there is nothing trite or predictable about Hoitt’s story. I know Sean’s loss of his true love will send him spiraling into darkness and violence, and I look forward to it.

The story shifts to Jesse Sanchez, a cop who had to give up her dream job at the FBI because of a relationship with a fellow agent, Josh, whom she subsequently married. But Jesse and Josh’s relationship is on the rocks. Now that the FBI wants Jesse to help them bring down the big bad Gianetti Family (which just happens to belong to Sean), I see a complicate dance emerging (all puns intended…read the story). By the way, Jesse fortunately (or unfortunately) happens to look at little like Sean’s dead wife Sara.

Will Jesse infiltrate the organization, seduce Sean, and bring down the Family? Or will she alternately be seduced by Sean and his dark way of life?

I want to know more…

I like this story because I like the protagonists. Sean seems to have the most depth so far. He really wants to put the Family and its darkness behind him, but the Family won’t let him go. He is intelligent yet self-destructive, romantic yet brutal. All he really wants is someone to love and love him in return. His darkness is a shadow of his potential goodness, and he knows it. But he allows his way of life to control him, and he hates himself for it. I like Jesse too, but she has as yet (in this oh-too-brief excerpt) fully come to life. I feel though that she is getting there. I am not certain that she would allow her husband Josh to push her around in such a stereotypically chauvinistic way. Perhaps there is something later in the story (not on Authonomy) to explain this.

Some things Hoitt needs to consider as she considers revision:

Chapter 3: Would Sean really kill Drew himself, or because of his contempt, would he step back to have one of his henchmen do it? Perhaps allow Grato do something to illustrate his sick sense of humor.

Chapter 4: I am not certain the fight between Jesse and Josh is wholly believable. Perhaps Josh is too peevish and callow? He doesn’t come across this way in the earlier scene.

Chapter 6: “passerbies” should be at least passer byes, but that is considered substandard; the correct form is “passers by.” Also… I kind of expected Spencer at De’Bris to give her a hard time, and Jesse should have expected it too. Perhaps he is so lecherous because he knows the patrons are worse and wants to see how she handles it—if he were to hire her. I believed he caved in to her for the wrong reason. It should have been because of her plucky, gritty response—not because he is afraid of any law enforcement. He is more than likely “protected.” He should laugh in her face and tell her he likes her spine better than her tits, and gives her one night on the stage to prove herself. Something to think about.

Please put more on Authonomy, Jennie.

I think that says it all.

Johnny Appleseed
THE DARK BETWIXT

This book delves deeper than the average romance. It starts off with a realistic mafioso Romeo and Juliet, Sean and Sara, then moves to portray the other protagonist, Jessie. The author accomplishes this smoothly without needless exposition, advancing the story as stories should.

I might add the writing is seamless and it's a pleasure to see good editing. Most of us (myself included) have unintentional typos and sometimes other goofs, but this had none I could see which helped make it an easy read.

It's a good story and I have little doubt a romance publisher will snatch it off the shelf.

Wow. What a great story. You have an amazing gift for writing and I enjoyed it very much. I am a sap for sad romantic love stories, so of course your first chapter completely captured me. I rated you highly and wish you lots of success. Blessings, Lacy

aha! I've already read this book and gave it 5 stars. It was a long time ago. Wish I had time to be on this site more so I could keep track of what I've read and not, etc. Sorry that you said it's going down....are you swapping reads enough? It's very time consuming but I think the only way you get ahead on this site. Eric Laing just got a book deal for Cicada and he never made it close to the editor's desk so don't give up. It's a great book.

Hi Jennie. You were voted by a fellow Authonomy member as a nice person. We thank you for being nice and helpful, and you will have a bright future ahead of you. It won't matter if you get published or not, you will always have the support of your friends from Authonomy.

http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/91714/nice-people/

great book...enjoying the read. Starred and backed
Lizzie :-)

Wow! What a start....this is definitely engaging from the very first lines...this is quick, easy to read, and non-stop action from what I can tell in the beginning. How powerful is an organization that gets one man's best friend to kill his wife, with "no choice"! Looking forward to reading the rest, and understand why Sara was taken away so soon...definitely shelved, an action packed thriller worth taking with me on vacation :)

Hearts and Lies, has a great plot, with the narative flowing well and some great characters. However, i think it needs some editing to solve some issues such as mixed tenses, sentence structure and repetition of certain words and phrases. Also, as someone else has pointed out, ch4 is a repeat of ch2. I think this book has a lot of potential once editing has been completed and i'm very intrigued by your characters.
On my WL for now and starred, but let me know if you decide to post more on here/edit what you already have and i'd be happy to have another read and leave more feedback.
Well done on a novel that has lots of promise!
Amy :)

Very smooth and very gritty. Reminiscent of Scarface or American Gangster. Nicely written, five stars.

Graham

While the proposed plot for this story is intriguing and the first three chapters are promising as to accomplishing that proposal, the sentence structure, punctuation, mixed tenses and lack of proof reading for easily corrected errors made this less than delightful a read as it should have been.

I have only managed to read a couple of chapters but I am very impressed with what I have read. You capture perfectly the overwhelming love that Sean has for Sara and then the torment and anguish he experiences when she is shot dead. The part where Jessie enters the equation felt almost like a different book but as I got to the end of the chapter it linked in nicely with the overall story. Your writing style is accomplished and professional and I wish you the very best with Hearts and Lies.

Kim (Pain)

Hearts and Lies...
I have read what you have posted here and have enjoyed it so far. FYI chapter 4 is a repeat of Chapter 2. What you have available is not enough to really get me completely involved with the story line. I looked forward to seeing how these two MC will interact, but it never came. Let me know when you have posted more and I can give you more insight. For now...i think that the pace is good and I like that you have a good understanding of your characters. Just a note on editing...sometimes you repeat phrases, sentenses and paragraphs in your chapters. Re-read your chapters and this will become apparent and let you know where you can delete some redundencies.
Looking forward to reading more!
Brittanee
- Sinful

The world of drug dealers is not a place I would naturally gravitate to, yet it was easy to read the five chapters, packed as they are with characters and action. The playwright in me is wondering who, if I was adapting this for the screen, I would choose for my protagonist - Sean or Jessie? You set up our sympathy for Sean in the first chapter, but later on he's an alcoholic and Jessie is the one with the interesting dilemma - so whose goal are we cheering for? I don't know anything about this world, so have no idea if its convincingly drawn, but by the way you focus on the externals and the action, I would guess that none of your characters are going to sit around having arguments with themselves about what to do next. Hope you get some comments from readers who are more expert on this genre than me - Frances K

Hi Jennie

Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment.
ta very much.

David J Baron

Hearts and Lies is well done and crafted. The blending of the characters is superb, each with their own personal struggle. It has a way where the story is believable. Jessie is a clever woman and has a way where she can stand on two feet. The romance is also added to a crime drama to give flavor. Nice job with it!

Millicent
The Glass Serpent

Hi Jennie - thought I’d give you a looking over, after reading the various excerpts on the RWSG thread. Apologies if I sound harsh at any point; it’s my BPD-driven inner perfectionistic editor. She’s mean but she means well.

Pitches - I got confused. Sorry. There are a couple of points where it feels like you switch tense (it’s my understanding that pitches should be written in the present tense) and I don’t “get” what you mean by the “proving you can’t judge a book by its cover” bit. I’m probably just being dense (long day editing).

C1: “getting married outside the church was something that both their religions frowned upon” - aren’t they just about to get married in a church? I know things are different to here in the UK, but a chapel with a minister is a religious wedding, although you certainly couldn’t just walk in and get married. You can also lose the “that” - it’s a word I automatically spot and try to delete.

Right - the paragraph where Sara’s shot. A few minor niggles, which I’ll try to explain. You say “His wife was covered in blood” but then, a sentence later, say “Blood trickled down her naked body” - the two images don’t marry up for me. If it were me, I’d lose the first one. Then Sara’s complexion “appeared” pale - that’s a filter word in my eyes. Either she was pale or she wasn’t. The final sentence in that paragraph is then from Sara’s POV but the chapter is from Sean’s POV. It’s a nice line, but I want to see thing from his POV as she’s snuffing it and doesn’t count. :)

I want to feel what Sean’s feeling - “cried hysterically” doesn’t do it for me. It’s pretty language, the irreparably scarring his heart, but I want to feel his pain, to understand how he’s driven to be the man he obviously turns into. Instead of flashbacks to their elopement that describe the event, but not his emotions, I want his innermost thoughts and feelings for his forbidden wife. I’d rather have one paragraph with him lusting and loving over her in the shower than six paragraphs talking about the wedding and the skanky apartment. Yes - some of the detail, but more about how he’d put up with any hell-hole than a palace with no morality, but I don’t need to know the layout of the place. Yes - we need to know his family are criminals and he’s turned his back on them, but minimal.

I went to read more, but you’re locked for editing so I’ll leave it there. I hope that’s helped rather than hindered. I like the premise of this story; it just needs a little polishing to get things moving better for me.
Stacey

Awesome book. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Typically a police drama isn’t my thing, but the first chapter gripped me so much I couldn’t help but read on. It was evocative and vivid, and I felt Sean’s suffering and even his terror. You do a good job showing his deterioration years later. His character troubles me, and I’m afraid of what’s happening to him. That’s a good thing. You’re giving your reader strong empathy for him.

As I was reading, some thoughts sprang to mind. I know this has helped me so much (and I’m very flattered) when my fellow authors take the time to truly tell me what they thought, and how an already great story can be improved!

~Jessie~
For some reason, I don’t empathize as strongly with Jessie as the story is presently, but maybe you plan to develop her character more later? I get the impression that she is the second main character, right? If she is, you’d want to give her the same attention as you did Sean. (Unless, as I said, she’s one of those that develops as the story goes on, in which case ignore me completely. >_<) Her sadness made me curious to know the reason for it, and I’m thinking it’s that she lost both her parents; but I wonder if she’s happy in her marriage, or if there are other reasons. Again, maybe you get into that later (I’m only through 4). I’d love to feel more of her nervousness about doing undercover work to trap a notorious mob boss—especially since it’s her first assignment like that. They’re starting her off with a huge and scary job, and when they give it to her would be a great time to get into her head about infidelity, pretending to be a stripper, and how frightening it’ll be to seduce a cold-blooded killer.

~Eric’s strong thought~
“They were the next generation despite how hard they had rebelled.”
This is a powerful statement, I think, like a nail that secures the idea you’ve been expressing up to that point. I get the impression that Eric is feeling trapped and resigned. I almost wonder if maybe you shouldn’t expound on this in some way; that paragraph is the only one with Eric’s pov, I’m pretty sure (it was Sean’s pov until then). I’ll have to read more and discover whether or not Eric’s an important secondary character, but for now he seems to be, in which case this would be a great chance to do him and that thought justice. It defines what happened to him and Sean.

~Maybe?~
In the paragraph that begins with “But this couldn’t wait,” should ‘illuminating’ be ‘eliminating’?

~Some *slight* repetition…~
There are just a few places where a word or phrase is repeated (this happens to me a ton when I copy/paste), but that’s easily solved by a scrutinizing look at your m/s. ^_^ (example, in Chapter 4: Paragraph beginning “It sounds so…so…wrong.”, at the end you have “really looked at” twice.) This is a minor point, but it tripped me up a couple of times.

~…~
(Also, I’ve noticed that you like ellipses. I'm also a big fan. :D However, sometimes they’re not quite necessary, as in “Get to know him…Get close to him.” And “You want me to date him? No…no way.” These are strong statements, but their impact is softened by the ellipses. In situations like that it might be better to use a period, making it more emphatic. And sometimes using dashes might be better? It would have the feel of a faster pace, like “It sounds so—so—wrong.” It’s just got a stronger punch, like she’s grasping for the right word, rather than pondering it.) (Just a thought. I know ellipses can also be a matter of style. It’s just that they feel so quiet and thoughtful, which can be jarring when there’s a fast-paced atmosphere.)

~In Conclusion~
Hearts and Lies overall has a strong plot framework, and imho it could still be fleshed out in some places, and clarified in others, but that's an easy fix (possibly read it out loud to yourself, or look at it from the bottom up; I catch all kinds of things that way). There’s so much potential for gripping human emotion, how trauma and loss can drive a person down a terrible road. Since this is meant to be a crime drama, I’m not sure I’d focus too much on it, but it *would* make your story even more dramatic. What happened in the first chapter was excellently portrayed and wrenched my gut, and that’s what hooked me.

I really like this story. A lot. I’m reading it all the way to the end of what you have here, and I’m giving it high stars.

Hana Bathir
Sea of Jasmine

PS: Do you possibly have a thread on any of the forums I could follow about progress or changes you’re making? I’d love to be kept abreast of new developments!

Jennie, read the opening chapter and absolutely love it; your style seems effortless and natural. The dialogue flows well and the pace is perfect. Your book will stay on my shelf for a while and I intend on reading more. I have rated your book highly. Maria :)

Aside from the grammatical corrections of which there are some that need tweaking. Watch your dialogue tags. Someone gave me good advice about them and it pays to keep an eye on the grammar, saves a lot of time later. The story itself seems very interesting. The writing is good, but needs to be more consistent. You have Jessie as a hard nosed detectvie who wants to be in the FBI, doesn't sound like someone who's hand would 'flutter to her throat' when she learns a mob boss has killed other women. I also agree with the feet on the table, It doesn't sound like something the character would do. Keep writing and polishing. Watch the spelling also. Tragic in the first chapter should be tragedy. 'Access' in the fourth doesnt' fit, it should be assess. Take a look at the beginning chapters and polish them. Best of luck and please feel free to comment on SERVED COLD. I am very interested in what others think of it.
Wagid62

The cruel family dynamic Sean overcomes explains his cold and calculating regard towards other people. I believe this is also a great way to provide readers a reason to root for his character growth througout the story. Jessie fascination with Sean's family deriving from her father's obsession leads the two character's on a collision couse with one another. Overall Hearts and Lies is a fast paced romantic drama that's worth the read.

great first chapter. I will be continuing.

Hi Jennie,

Your pitch sounds great! I'll be happy to give it a read!

Beth Davis
I Never Saw It Coming

Hi Jennie
I really enjoyed your opening chapter and will certainly be reading more. I like the way you play with people's expectations in the first chapter. It opened seeming like an everyday romance but then details start to creep in that alter your perceptions until the shooting at the end. Very exciting and certainly will encourage me to read on.

I believe I have read this book some months ago but you asked me if I would take a look at it again. (I hope you can return the favour)
This is a great romantic story, and not what I expected from the title.
I have only managed to read the first three chapters - due to the busy time at christmas, but I thought it was well written and it kept me hooked from the very beginning. And I gather from the pitch there will be plenty of action with mafia and gangsters. It's unusual for a love story and I can't wait to get chance to read the rest.
I give it 6 stars
Junetee(Four Corners)
Hope you can take another look at my book 'Four Corners' and leave a comment.

I enjoy your writing style because it flows nicely while it draws me into the world you create. i like that what I encounter, is easy for me to visualize. I enjoy the fact that I can see your characters and that I find myself gaining interest in them from the onset of your book. I am looking forward to reading more of this book as well as another of yours I've chosen to shelf. . .I will be saying more as I read on.

Hearts and Lies is part action-packed adventure and part love story. I’ve never really been a fan of the way most romance novels are written, and the opening of Hearts and Lies with lovers playing around in bed kind of scared me as to what was coming next.

However, author Jennie Lyne Hiott has crafted a really fine crime drama that just happens to have a love story at its core. This Romeo and Juliet-like tale takes place in modern day, and Hiott has a firm understanding of how both police and the mafia work. Or at least that’s how it seems as everything is completely believable here.

The characters are very well created. I like how Jessie is not a stereotype of a cop, and Sean is certainly not what you would expect from a mob boss’ son. The dialog is particularly strong and really helps with the characterization too. And the pacing is just about perfect, not so fast that you can’t keep up, but there is never a dull moment either.

Readers who enjoy romance will love Hearts and Lies, and even those like me where it’s not their favorite genre will find a lot to love. Hiott is a very talented writer and she leads us through this story like a pro who’s already been published, which I have little doubt she will one day become.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Hi Jennie

I've read the first 3 chapters and found them awesome! I look forward to reading more!

Dear Jennie,

Got to Chapter Two and realized this isn't something I cared to read because of content. But again,
love your writing style! ~Kay Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

Hi Jennie,

Read the first chapter and your book is well written and fast paced - didn't expect the hook which reeled me in wanting me to know more. I'll try to get back later to read more!
~Kady Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

I read your book a while back, but didn't comment on it.
It is well written.
The story isn't my type of story because of sexual stuff and swearwords.
However your writing is really well done in your style. You keep things flowing.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Time had faded her memory......picture her sparkling eyes. I think a true love would make it impossible for her memory to fade, always picture her sparkling eyes. Time can never defeat love. Love always wins. Just my romantic heart speaking, Jennie. Beautiful prose. I like the flow. Great ending to the first chapter. You hook the reader into turning the page. Moving onto Jessie is a great complication. Sean and Jessie are two very engaging characters. Dialogue is realistic too. Different POVs adds to the tension. I really like this book. I have a full shelf until the first of the year, so I can WL for now.
David Schild
The Next John Elway

Hearts and Lies.
by Jennie Lyne Hiott.

I'm taking another look at your book, Jennie following your editing spree.
You've done well, it's much improved.
This is a story that gives nothing away. It keeps the reader guessing the whole way through.
It's a compelling read for anyone.
Very well written and set to capture the reader from the very start.
Lots of good description here with a great deal of effort gone into it.
Thrilling! Thought provoking! A compelling book!
Highly star - rated. I will shelve again soon as I can.

Kind regards,

Neville The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone..

Jennie,

I tought I remembered reading this, but could not find the evidence.
I do think it is a fabulous opening, so will try to find space on my watch-list (things will need re-arranging).

Regards
Warrick

Again, Jennie, I hardly know where to start, and my critique is going to be much like it was last time. You dropped your prologue and gave Sean and Sara a whole chapter. Jessie is still the first word in your pitch, which tells me she is the main character. In Chapter 2 she "is". Again, and I know I'm repeating myself, but I think Sean's "memory" of his wife would work better in short flashbacks, later, after he's onstage and in viewpoint.
Sorry, but I think c1 should be dropped and C2 should begin your novel, with Jessie Sanchez in viewpoint.
Now, about C2 the name "Jessie" is overused, 2-3 times in the same paragraph sometimes. In the first whole scene she's the only one onstage. Name her and then use "she" and "her". Use her name ocassionaly just to keep the reader reminded. Even after Uncle Rick appears the name "Jessie" continues to be overused. Jessie is the only female in the whole chapter so "she" and "her" should be made much more use of.
In fact, I was so distracted by seeing that name all the time that it was difficult to focus on the other events of the chapter. Just one other thing: I think you named Harkins as "director" but sometimes Uncle Rick almost seemed to be in charge, and then when Josh and his team entered it almost became a free-for-all. I just have to wonder if there would be so much......I don't even know what to call it, in the FBI. And Josh putting his feet on the desk almost seemed over the top. As this story is I cannot support it.
I'm sorry I can't be more encouraging, Jennie, I know you have worked on this story. Good luck!
James W. Nelson aka SubRon2

After reading your first chapter, Jennie, I can say that you're off to a strong start, with your main character well established and a plot unfolding that promises a tense thriller. The title "Hearts and Lies" is well suited to a crime romance, and the first chapter is the "hook" you need to hold the reader. I've also read some of "The Other Road," which is equally promising, and I hope to return soon with comments on both.

Meanwhile, I invite you to open "The Doctor of Summitville" for a quick impression. You'll find the pace a little slower than yours, as my intention is to lo create a love story more in the historical vein, where a young doctor's career takes a perilous turn as he attempts to save a sixteen-year-old orphan girl from an intolerable fate. Would you let me know, after the first chapter, whether you feel engaged in their lives? --Best wishes, Bill

Jennie, you have a good premise for a chick lit novel here and you open with a fun, unique love scene. But I think the pacing needs a little work. In chapter 1 we don't know yet what the story or the action is that is driving the novel - and then you give us backstory. I'm not interested in the backstory yet, I want to know what the main story. So I found myself skipping down to "Let's get married". Why not open with that, or have it much nearer the start? But the real action starts when the man walks in. I might even open with that, infuse the rest in if necessary.
But then I read on and find that all of chapter 1 is backstory, showing us why Sean is the way he is. Chapter 2 is similar but with Jessie. Maybe you could hold off all of this till we've got to know Jessie and Sean a little. Maybe he could tell her the story of him and his wife? Draw us in that way? And instead start the novel once Jessie and Sean have met?
That's just my opinion though, and bear in mind that I'm an unpublished writer, so it's quite possible that I don't know what I'm talking about!

Hi Jennie, I am willing to read and support any writer who is serious enough about their work that they are willing to re-write and I see that you have done that. All credit to you for attracting the calibre of critique that all these amazingly generous writers have given you. Am in agreement with Samantha Raak, EM Delaney and SubRon2 who are all trying to make something with great potential even better. That level advice is like gold and not found elsewhere, at least not for free! Good luck with your journey onwards and upwards!
Kind regards,
Lambert Nagle
REVOLUTION EARTH

I've read 11 chapters. It moves fast and would make good TV. There is the odd typo, but you'll sort that out. Jessie reminds me of O. Newton John in Grease, except her bad girl dance has flopped.. Sean is not that likeable, but he is a gangster after all.
This reminds me of Beldacci.(?)