False Reality

You have created a very interesting and unique storyline for your fantasy which should appeal to the young adult audience. The dialogue is well written and realistic, Cindie is an excellent main character and your descriptive writing keeps the pace of your story flowing well. I have given you a high star rating.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

False reality
It's enjoyable to read
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Interesting storyline. You have created a whole world.
Backed with pleasure.
A Zoomer

Dear K.C., I love the intrigue you created in your pitch & all of the way through chapter 11. :) Cindie & Nic awaking in the bed & the nurses there is something else. :) Fantasy for sure :) - no electricity, but instead there's oil lamps. :) What a story Cindi wrote & went into. :) Amazing . :) If I were Nic, I would be confused, too. :) I have read your book, commented on it, & put it on my watchlist, to back when space opens on my shelf. :) I have also ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :)

KC,
You use the word "that" quite a bit. Suggest taking it out and only putting it back in if the sentence doesn't make sense. I'm not so sure if your prologue should in fact be a prologue as you go into Cindie's worry about her creative writing assignment right afterward. It is catchy though. There are some sentences which might need a bit of restructuring for readability. The second chapter had me a bit confused, what with Anna going back and forth between the window and calling Cindie's house. I realize some of these were memory sequences. Perhaps separate them by putting them in italics or changing the font.

Otherwise, an interesting read. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

Thank you for your criticism. It's something I don't get enough of (other than from myself). I will most definitely take what you said into consideration! I didn't realize that the memory scene was that confusing. For that, I am sorry and I will try and amend that as soon as possible! I don't want people to be confused at all! A lot of my story so far, though, is unedited and I am working on it the best I can at the moment. (I am also working on writing more of it too, though, so I am kind of splitting the time.)

I am very glad that you liked it enough to back it! Thank you very, very much! =D

Always,
KC

KC,
You use the word "that" quite a bit. Suggest taking it out and only putting it back in if the sentence doesn't make sense. I'm not so sure if your prologue should in fact be a prologue as you go into Cindie's worry about her creative writing assignment right afterward. It is catchy though. There are some sentences which might need a bit of restructuring for readability. The second chapter had me a bit confused, what with Anna going back and forth between the window and calling Cindie's house. I realize some of these were memory sequences. Perhaps separate them by putting them in italics or changing the font.

Otherwise, an interesting read. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

You have created a very interesting and unique storyline for your fantasy which should appeal to the young adult audience. The dialogue is well written and realistic, Cindie is an excellent main character and your descriptive writing keeps the pace of your story flowing well. I have given you a high star rating.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning