The ASBO Anthology of Poetry

A pure pleasure to read; was particularly taken with "A beer with Cezanne". I don't feel confident enough with poetry to deconstruct it, but I dug the language and the sentiments.

P

hello Dan

Had this on my shelf for yonks, but Im away travelling, so I´ve only just got around to having a peek at it. The boy dun good! I like how you mix highbrow references with more oik-ish, everday stuff, and its always funny in a mordant, self-deprecating way. I´ll finish reading it soon when I get home, but in the interim I´ve rated it highly and I´ll leave it on my shelf til I get back. Thanks also for your mutual support, one fine day we may even make it into the 1000´s eh. there should be a question mark at the end of the last sentence, but im on a foreign computer and I cant find it! Found the exclamation mark though.

dave ocelot
Boomerang

Dan, i'm afraid i can't help you technically with poetry, but it felt very fresh and real. Thanks for sharing your collection on Authonomy.
Good luck with it.
Kim
St Viper's School for Super Villains

Your poertry was recommended by C Brown author of Dark Side. I read, rated, and Backed your brilliantly funny work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side and find a spot for it on your shelf. Thanks.
Sue50

Backed the ASBO......Poetry is not something we read often. Guess we should start if yours is an example of what we have been missing. Hope you will check out our book, Dark Side.
CC Brown

How totally wonderful you are, Dan!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because, I'm #1 on the editor's desk & I don't want to lose traction & to remain in the top 5 to be chosen February 28. :) Please read my profile page: I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after almost 1 year of trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

Dear Dan, I love poetry & that you said, "Verses are like people, they are not perfect... a collection of verses I've collected over the course of a lifetime... wisdom and age have crept on me despite my attempts to avoid both and it is with a small pinch of pride I present these verses to you now," as your pitch portrays. :) What a way to start with "The James Dean Diet (Before The Crash)" :) - I was surprised at the end & was amazed at the last line, "That's why I'm telling you this, my five year old." So many poems... I liked "dove... but a bird of peace all the same Under the wing of your warm love. :) I like most of all that your wrote your poetry from your heart. :) Your "Appendix," mesmerized me :) - I love the whole alphabet & your "miscellaneous <3" - I'm sorry I didn't get to see your hearts & pictures because authonomy doesn't allow them & your explanations of 3:48 & Evenley, 3:49 :) - trivia is my forte.' :) I have read & commented on your book & I will back it more than 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, return? :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book :) - could you please keep it on your bookshelf to help me? :) - because, I have been trying for almost a year to be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk & was #4 on 1-1-11 & 2 people passed me, pushing me out to #6, so I wasn't chosen January 31 & am now #I & need lots of backings to anchor me into the top 5, so that I don't slide out again, so that I can be chosen in the top 5 of the editor's desk on February 28. :) I would so much appreciate your help. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing more than 24 hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up, per authonomy's new rules Oct 2010 :)

Thank you for placing "Just Out of Sight" on your bookshelf. I hope it stays there for awhile. There is so much to get out of it. Let me know if you find any other pieces of the book the you find inspiring.
Thank you again,
Craig (Bandof1)

THE PRODIGAL LOVER
I like the wit of this, thought the PL deserves a good pan lashing. At least he has his priorities right ... 'Where else am I going to get my tea?' The last line will get you approval from the gals when you read this, though of course it is as arse-licky as it gets. But hey! If it gets a smile, let no arse be knowingly unlicked!

I enjoyed reading your poems, because I lovve the short stuff. Will ba back for some more, whenever I get bored with all the longwinded prose shite here. Power to poets!

NOT IN MY HOUSE
Ach, the geek has to die, GEEK, DIE! I confess I wonder myself about those lip rings, and some guy who is very friendly towards me in my swimming pool has two nipple rings. Ach, we are odd creatures.

LAMBRINI
Ach, you cld have been doing something really exciting like reading Stephen Fry's The Ode Whatsit than going on dates. What business has a powet going on dates. Women should surrender them selves to poets in the natural order of the world. Make love to your poems and the women will fall into place ... but what are mere women compared with the beautiful lines of a freshly receiv'ed sonnet?

HEAVEN CAN WAIT
Bowlocks to god, gods, heaven, hell, and all that monkey business. We'd all be better off without it.

Bowlocks to god, gods, heaven, hell, and all that monkey business.

APPROACHING ANXIETY
Mate, you need to go though the gears ... fuck things up a bit. Or you will be giving we poets a bad name. As it is I have troub saying the P word. I mean it is just ... But in truth word-wielders are the most exciting folk on earth. So fuck facebook and go a little crazy the next time you go to a party. Keep it real. Dude, you've got some slow-me-down words going here 'arranged ... non/sen/si/cal ... concealed.' And a poet should admit to nothing, other than being extra-ord-in-ary. So no anxiety super-hero. You are a powet. And prosaic mortals will love you ... because ... because ...

EDUCATION FOR PLEASURE
Yeah, gimme the life of the monk, mate! I am sick of all this material shite. Yet, that is how we are, material, shite. I hate and love pleasure in equal measure. Equally, I love the notion of being a monk, but it seems insanely odd now as we accelerate in our rush to oblvion ... 7 ... 8 ... 9 ... 10 ... billion ... But what the hell do I tell my two teen sons? Turn up your Paul Smith collars boys n always, always go for class ... and never wait for a woman.

Right, poet, I came for a look as promised.

Hi Dan, I enjoyed the narrative quality of these poems and their exploration of the subject. "Not in My House" and "The Conversion of Twain" - kept my interest. They're also pacey although sometimes the rhythm didn't seem to fit the line. What I read was entertaining - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I read two or three
But they were not for me
I studied your rhyme
Till I ran out of time.

Sorry couldn’t resist

Amelia - A Date in the Diary

Dear Dan,

Hi its Billy. Your poems reminded me of the poet Catullus from Rome, and the book of his which I sold to my brother unfortunately. I wish I had it back. Thank you for sharing your poems with us on authonomy. Maybe you will have a look at both of my seperate and very different poems on this site "Powers" a poem on power, and "Cloud".

Well, all the best, and vale,

Billy McBride

Dan-

Your anthology of these poetries are very real and full of life's paradox. When I was reading them one by one, I felt the lines were so natural and it pulled my inner sould to read it more. I admit, some of your lines need attention but you know every poet do have mistakes but its very stupid to say that that alone destroys your piece. I love your voice and your heart you shared in these verses because it flows naturally with great vibrance. I agree that verses are like people, imperfect, but there is always a room for improvement.

I had a quick look, but it's not for me. Some of the scansion is awry and there are spelling mistakes you should pick up on (celebate for celibate). The sexist nature of some of the poetry - 'fettering mankind to a woman's cage' - didn't endear! Best of luck, however. We need more poets.

I've read a few of your poems (the first 7 and then I jumped around randomly). There is no obvious order in this anthology of poetry - which is fine - it allows the reader to 'thumb through' the book. I think (and this is just my opinion – so feel free to ignore what I say) what does your work a disservice is that you really need images or a 'gimmick' to hook your readers on this body of work. While I was reading, I could imagine this collection as a set of graffiti verses you can sometimes find on toilet doors or bathroom walls. I think the poems would work well as an everyman ("anyone could've written them") style in this setting. Almost as though you found them and have collected them (with some lewd or strange or roughly incomplete drawings of the non-professional ilk).

Here’s how I would introduce your book to hook the reader and create a kind of background structure and format on which to hang your gems...

Introduction:

"Every man needs to take a piss now and then, or to take the piss then and now. These poems are a collection of verses I've collected over the course of a lifetime spent doing both. In some cases I was lucky enough to copy down the attached drawings. But in a few cases I wasn't sure which drawing went with which poem. I would apologise, but I was drunk at the time and doubt there could be any remedy to this sad state of affairs. Of course with the passing of time, wisdom and age have crept up on me despite my attempts to avoid both. And it is with some small pinch of pride I present these verses to you now."

Thank you for the invite to read your book.
I’m sorry to have to say this but I find that most of your rhymes are extremely obvious. Added to this, and poetry or not, your grammar is in need of attention.
Thank you, but your book is not for me.

I thought that Imight never see
A poet - ludicrous like me!
I have enjoyed your playful verse
And often I have written worse.
Good luck with this, your brave endeavour.
Poets rule - we live forever!

On my shelf for a while. If you feel like reading some of mine -there's a very small sample uploaded under the ID "Alter Ego". (Having 2 IDs is against site rules, so I expect HC will delete it soon. :( I don't use it for competitive purposes.)

EVERYPERSON'S POETRY
EVERYONE'S POETRY

Dear Dan,
Why offend us old time feminists with the title?
I love your pitch. the example poem rocks or is that kicks and jumps?
I have five starred the book and will get it on my super-small shelf as soon as possible. ASAP
Thx for your warm and fuzzy comments about Going Out In Style.
Hope it makes your shelf.
A zoomer

Everyman's Poetry certainly isn't my mother's poetry. At first, I was a little confused and put off by it, but as I read more, the more I like it. Keep up with this Dan. You have a creative vein in you that I believe may be deep and rich. Best of luck.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Funny, fresh, entertaining.

Have read a number of your poems so far, they are intriguing and enlightening daily male thoughts and concerns, which you give poetic license to. Keep them flowing.
Best of luck
Bradley Haynes

a great collection- great poems- on my watchlist for now...
SEASONS...

Backed for a while. I like the comment below. it would be nice to see some explanation of the thoughts behind some of the poems, yet it would have to be after the poem, and then it may influence the reader, whereas open thoughts and reflection can be more rewarding.

Lisa

I am glad to see another poet on this site. Backed. Lisa

Some thought provoking, entertaining and humorous poems here. I enjoyed numbers 14-22, and 57-60 best. That reworking of the exhortation to stoicism and self control in 19 would have been approved of by the author of the original. Many of the other works are quirky and engaging commentaries on everyday concerns and activities. I found some missed the mark for me but there is no doubting a lateral thinking talent exists here. An ability to tell every day stories from a different point of view or perspective. There are shades of the punk performance poet John Cooper Clarke in much of the other work. As a scientist I recognise the similarity between the disciplines of poetry and science and many scientists have recognised that their dreams played a big part in their scientific breakthroughs. The ability to see links and patterns is as important to the scientist as the poet. The subconscious mind has no allegiance to a particular discipline and is active in both. I think that the author should arrange a classification of his work with perhaps some commentary between the poems to support and showcase those he is most proud of or are most important to him for other reasons. I would like to more about the author and the inspiration for each poem as I read.

The Prodigal lover is a very good poem. Now, this one shows the realism you mentioned. The fight (plate flying in the air, the frying pan), the breaking of the law, the lover trying to make up then backing away at their partner's angry reaction-it's all well done. I like this one the best so far. -Marita.

I'm not a poet, but I like your humour and play on words: "genitally," "Wine Rack," "Double Ds for modelling, to stop you ogling," etc. I also I liked the interactions shown between male and female displayed here. And the football game with England? Were they really winning? :-) I enjoyed this. I'll be back in a sec after I read some more. -Marita.

Dear Dan, I admire your skill! I started out as a poet, [ the real word smiths ], but it takes more than skill to create, what is so uniquely yours. I was enthralled by the undertones that were upheld in each individual poem. An art to imagine so many things, your thoughts must be constantly temporized so you can take it all in. Great effort and easily worth the recognition it deserves. Good luck and best wishes with your book. Take care, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Thankyou for your response Njoy14u, you are eagle eyed! I didnt spot I repeated the chapters, thankyou for pointing this out. I tried going over it, but naturally, things get overlooked sometimes. I am glad you enjoyed 'Did God Forsake Us', personally I didnt want to get into the religious element too much, because I am not that way inclined - but just food for thought. I am pleased you remarked upon 'The Grave Yard Shift' , I like to write poetry that is [hopefully!] short and to the point. You may also be interested in 'IF [Only we could win the world cup] the skit on Kipling's poetry was shortlisted for a prize, ( I really dont know how!). I shall keep writing for people's enjoyment, and I enjoyed the raw emotion of your poetry too - it is only my watchlist.

Any more constructive criticism is welcomed

Dan
AS promised I came back to your poetry.
I love your style its fresh and easy. Silence is golden Short sweet and dont' give up although you'll never figure them out isn't it fun to try/? oh its both 64 and 53.
Did God forsake us? I think many times he has I love this one and its questions.
The Graveyard shift....Did that for 5 years and I must say its perfect. I will never go back .....my life went backwards and upside down.
Great writing
Njoyd
Njoy14u

Thankyou Karen for taking the time to read my poetry and I have made a few alterations:

1) You are right about the introduction, it is too long, and I have attempted now to shorten it to show really what I can do, Instead of talking about it. Having chosen an extract from one of my amusing poems I hope to entice people to have a look and not put them off with long chunks of black and white
2) I will reorder my poetry to create maximum impact on the reader
3)I can understand how I may have been leading you astray with Everyman! Taking that Everyman literally. Apologies, I thought that became clear under the heading of 'moderate' poetry. However I have sought to address your point, and acknowledge that this would not be advised to be read to a 10 year old before bed. I do find something refreshing about 'the man down the pub' poetry, and that is true to myself. However, I hope that you find at least some of my poetry that you like and will spread the word to others

As always, any other comments are much welcomed. The three you pointed out have really helped me refine my work, so thankyou

Regards

Dan

Hi! Thanks for sharing your poetry. There is something very personal about poetry, I feel, so it is great that you have put together a whole book's worth!
Just some thoughts which I hope will be of use:
1. Possibly put in a few paragraph breaks in your pitch so it's not such a big bulk of text. Or, here's an idea, why don't you use one of your poems as the long pitch as an example of your style? I don't know about other people but if I was debating whether to read a poetry book I'd flip through and try one of them out rather than read a long blurb about the reason behind the book and the poetic influences. Not that that information isn't useful; it IS. It's just perhaps not the catchiest way to entice a reader, particular the 'everyman' type reader who may not read much poetry!
2. You might want to give careful thought to the order of your poems. Skimming through, I found 'Simplicity' (chap 36). I thought one in that vein would be better to begin with than the one in chap 1. Something that really takes hold of the 'everyman' 'these days in Britain' type idea.
3. I haven't read many but it feels like there is a particular type of person these would appeal to most. Although you claim there is 'something for everyone', I have yet to see one that would appeal to a ten year old. (If there is one, please point me to it cos I have quite childish tastes!!) Perhaps think carefully about your target group. It isn't 'everyone' in the sense of 'all the family'- there are some you certainly wouldn't read to your kids! Perhaps it's 'everyone' in the sense of 'down the pub' or 'at the office' or 'on the bus home from work'. That would have to be for you to decide, but I think it would be good to define exactly. One thought that came to me is whether or not your can put them in a particualr order to have it as a man going through the day from morning to bed with various exploits, work, worries, etc, on the way?
Good luck with this!
Karen

Thankyou very much readaholic and nigel gilbert, and good advice would be much appreciated

I am really enjoying your poetry, Dan. I couldn't get the rythm at first. Then I found it works well reading to a beat or a rap.
Very amusing, good luck with it.
Mary

I know nothing about poetry, but enjoyed some of yours. backed.

Oh thankyou, I'll look for this mistake. Proof reading is one of the things where I fall down. I am glad you enjoyed it. I should hopefully have some more up on the site in a few weeks time.

I really don't have any good advice although I did notice a typo in the first poem you said "in vein" I'm wondering if you meant "in vain" ?

Your style is very quirky and fun and you seem to tell a fun story for each one. I quite enjoyed it.

Backed.