Book Jacket

 

rank 2078
word count 24086
date submitted 16.11.2010
date updated 10.06.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Historic...
classification: moderate
complete

Razing Cain

Roberta Georgiou

Marta thought she had buried her childhood past on “that wicked patch of dirt,” but after her father dies, the farm's destiny lands on her.

 

After Marta’s mother hands over the farm’s future to the children, their decision is split, leaving Marta with the swing vote. Immediately, she opts to sell the farm to a developer who will raze it. Her daughter, however, insists that she will live on that “beloved piece of ground” with her new husband in order to preserve it—buying it if need be.

The possibility of both alienating Sarah and seeing her raise a family on that malevolent land anguishes Marta. Though she may create a maelstrom into which both of them will be swept, Marta shares her family’s dark past to dissuade Sarah.

Marta’s mother, Isabelle, adds her own slant to the story as does her father’s secret diary which proves true an old rumor about her parents’ wedding day, resulting in Isabelle's life-long vendetta against Viktor ... and the ensuing havoc on all four children.

 
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tags

domestic realism, family saga, mystery

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44 comments

 

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katie78 wrote 299 days ago

from the pitch i was excited to read this. i loved the opening, the endearing mc who is trying so hard, so happy to fill up her empty nest again. there's something pitiful and adorable about her.

lots of great lines- the cast returning to its mold wwas my favorite.

i thought the dialogue was good and faltered a bit in the conversation about the engagement. i felt you rushed too quickly to the phone call. i was disoriented. there are some commas missing.

i edit better off this site. if you're up for a read swap, let's exchange emails. otherwise, i enjoyed the read. good luck with this.

joserie wrote 306 days ago

Greetings...

I just happened to stumble on your book and I find it amazing. Very interesting and well written.
On my W/L for further reading...

God Bless....

Joserie Fabroa
Rage of Whispers

Roberta Georgiou wrote 364 days ago

Thanks ever so much for your kind words and the backing of Razing Cain.

Becca wrote 364 days ago

Great voice from the onset! Punctuation spot on, and the first paragraph grabbed my attention.

Nit pick:
Pushing aside the curtain, I traced...
That implies both actions happened simultaneously (because of the sentence structure you chose) when it makes more sense that one would happen before the other. I am guessing this to avoid repetition of I sentence starting and to vary sentence structures, but you need to make sure the sentence also says what you want it to.
Perhaps: Wanting to get a betterlook, I pushed aside the curtain and traced...
Because she can want to get a better look and push the curtain aside at the same time.
"Drying my hands on my apron, I scuttled" also works because she can do both at the same time.

I am not going to nitpick the whole thing :P I just wanted to give you one bit of information to consider that maybe you didn't have available to consider before. Please take my advice with a grain of salt, and feel free to research this grammatical advice to ensure it's accuracy.

I really love the voices within dialogue and ESPECIALLY in the note from the father, which all feel unique to each character and thus believable

The first chapter really signifies a big change in the character's life, and sets your premise immediately into action. You also have a great attention to detail that makes this a quality work of fiction. The subject matter, along with the writing, make this a good fit for the literary genre. Additionally, I found that it read naturally--not pretentious or purple prosish, which some people misguidingly believe is what makes fiction "literary". This is literary with the potential for mass market appeal. Well done, and I'm sad to see the ranking so low as it is, imo, definitely an ed-worthy novel. I hope you are querying this to agents and find a home for it soon.

Good luck with all your writing endeavors, and my apology for the delay in the return read, but I've been making an effort to give everyone a fair amount of my attention and not rush through my return reads. I hope you understand and can forgive the wait.

JR Stone wrote 434 days ago

Hi I will read and leave you my comments. JR Stone, The Long Road to Extradition, A Novel

Bea Ware wrote 463 days ago

Hi Roberta,
I very much enjoyed the first chapter all round. I then checked here and there, chapter ten, all looks interesting. This is haunting like the music of Mussorgsky or Gorecki, lovely composers. John Campbell pointed me in your direction, recommending your book. My shelf is tight right now, but I WLd this and saw enough to be confident; and I offer a generous hand of sparkling stars your way.
Cheers,
Bea

Lorri Proctor wrote 465 days ago

I agree with all that's been said so far about the gentle pace, the sense of haunted people and place. Love the characters. Instead of underlining try using italics to show the empahasis. I also suggest you reconsider the pitch and space it a little, make shorter pitjier sentences as it feels dense and a little hurried somehow.
You do used some lovely verbs, I so agree. All in all a very well written story that will draw me back again. Stars lots and will back anon.

Nanty wrote 476 days ago

Razing Cain.
Lovely descriptivce writing throughout. One sentence in particular, I thought was really lovely, 'but a farmer knows the value of dribbling water on soil that the thirst of years has hardened.'
Conflict between Marta's parents is subtly expressed and her father's death was sensitively written. A family with a dark secret that is not known to all members begins to come into light when Viktor's diary is found. Lots of hooks to keep a reader engrossed such as why do Isabelle and Marta hate the place?
Nitpick: Not frantic about words underlined for emphasis as they draw the eye.
The dialogue is realistic. Characters and the emotions between them are well-defined. The pace is leisurely but considering events during the three chapters read, it couldn't be anything else, in my opinion. I very much liked the way the book began with Marta's happiness when Sarah returned for a visit and how the atmosphere gradually darkened.

Nanty - Chrys!

Roberta Georgiou wrote 480 days ago

Thanks, Rona, for your support of Razing Cain.

autopilot wrote 480 days ago

This is a beautifully written novel with credible and well developed characters. It has a haunted and haunting quality to it and elegantly describes the emptiness of a loveless marriage. Rona

Nigel Fields wrote 488 days ago

Hi Roberta,
I think the first chapter is splendid. You used some wonderful verbs, making your prose more powerful and tight, as you immerse us in the setting. Loved the washing of the lettuce and such. Pace in chapter one is great. Chapters two and three moved a bit slower, but, of course, we are being prepared for the "story" to actually unfold. I think you ended each chapter effectively. No crits. Will pop back for some more when I can and will then assign the stars. WL'd for now. Thank you for uploading this for us.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Roberta Georgiou wrote 508 days ago


Thank you so much for taking the time to comment about specifics in my novel. You've endeared me in doing that and I look forward to sampling your novel and doing the same for your work.

About boxing the father's tools--you'll understand why that anomaly in family practices after you read to the end.

"We have a very interesting family gathering, and we learn of that *Godforsaken piece of dirt* with growing interest, the way that piece of dirt's past has affected the lives of everyone concerned, especially Marta's, of course."

This is a wonderful assessment of what I've tried to accomplish. Thank you for your understanding and your support.

Roberta

Kaychristina wrote 508 days ago

A fascinating slice of family life, Roberta - of humanity in the raw, really. Your way with words can enevelop a reader, yet with so few you can paint these characters into life - for example, just the way Marta's sister, Eva, walks, the way she laughs. With Marta herself, our narrator, there's a paragraph where a shocked daughter Sarah asks if she'd never really wanted her children, and Marta's thoughts are so poignant, how she'd made sure Sarah's life had always been perfect, she'd made sure of it, that nothing bad had every touched her. And Sarah, now with *...streams of disgrace...* rolling down her cheeks. It's powerful storytelling.

The story itself is, perhaps, a little slow to start, but Marta's joy at Sarah's homecoming is heartfelt in the writing. Viktor's dying could be utterly miserable for a first chapter... but you've given us an intrigue that will make readers smile through any tears.

One little thing bothered me slightly - Marta saying she'll go and box up her father's tools while they wait for the family. Personally, and I speak from experience, I think it's a bit early to think of doing that!

We have a very interesting family gathering, and we learn of that *Godforsaken piece of dirt* with growing interest, the way that piece of dirt's past has affected the lives of everyone concerned, especially Marta's, of course.

Highly starred and backed for a beautiful piece of work, its many layers marking it out from the crowd.

With best wishes,
from Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

snave wrote 511 days ago

An exciting, suspenseful read. The title 'Razing Cain' immediately caught my attention and i was not let down with what you have to offer. Written with a style that pulls the reader into the story. Best wishes - andy and vesna

Walden Carrington wrote 511 days ago

Roberta,
I love the melodrama in this enthralling narrative which has such a captivating plot. Razing Cain rated with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Kaimaparamban wrote 517 days ago

Memoirs and scars are taking place in human life. Conveying these two things to mind of reader is the process of literature. You are one among that processors. Your novel is disclosing this fact.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Andy Szpuk wrote 521 days ago

Hello Roberta,
This is a very tightly constructed and compelling family saga. There was excellent balance between narrative and (realistic) dialogue. The synopsis set the scene well, and the tension felt like it was drip fed along each page. There was a poetic quality to the language used, giving it the right tone. A slow burner that built up nicely. A great read.
Andy

Andy Szpuk wrote 521 days ago

Hello Roberta,
This is a very tightly constructed and compelling family saga. There was excellent balance between narrative and (realistic) dialogue. The synopsis set the scene well, and the tension felt like it was drip fed along each page. There was a poetic quality to the language used, giving it the right tone. A slow burner that built up nicely. A great read.
Andy

Colin Normanshaw wrote 522 days ago

Engagingly written with a good pace and excellent prose. Colin

curiousturtle wrote 522 days ago

I started to read your Opus and I since I read mostly during weekends I prefer to give you feed back as I go (just like you did), otherwise I forget

What first comes to mind here is the lyrical prose, and its ability to set a melancholic tone, not to grave but with sufficient sourness for us to know what's coming. It made me think of Lowell's confessional poems.

You know, I am convinced that while an author can impersonate a thousand characters, the prose almost always is indicative of his/her temperament. Here from the start we have an inward looking mind that resists change and is trying to make peace with herself, not quite believing that is possible, and so the pessimism settles on.

What I also noticed is the detail for the chosen word; you are a surgeon here, mining for precise labels (as opposed to somebody like myself, which is always trying to des-stabilize language) That creates an imagery of detail, which translates into a concrete feel for the every day which for a story about a farm is....well...precisely right

I thought the first line in your pitch could be improved:

Marta thought she had buried that wicked patch of dirt, but once father dies, destiny lands on her.

Here as some of my favorites:

"How long have I watched the lettuce at the sink.....:"

"and meals that would make me immortal"

"felt like a chapel to me"

"knows the value of dribbling water" that one you be framed!

"cans still stacked in soldierly fashion"

This is delightful, so I am giving you 5 stars

david

HannahWar wrote 522 days ago

Roberta, this is a very, very good read, emotional, real-life, tender and written in beautiful prose. People that love family sagas will come back to your book time after time. I'm sure of that. I also love the way you use cliffhangers at the end of chapters. Wonderful way to hook readers. The only thing that slightly took me out of the reading were the underlined words. Maybe make them italic for stress? And the use of first person narrative surprised me but didn't give problems. Starred. Hannah

Denise Heinze wrote 531 days ago

Roberta,

I thought your short pitch was compelling. But, I found the first chapter rather uneven in pace. You start off with a slow build up to Sarah's arrival. Then, after the phone call from Marta's mother, there is a flurry of revelations--Marta's father's wish for absolution; his past infidelity; and finally his death. Since I have just become acquainted with these characters, I don't feel the emotional tug at what transpires. I do think you have a great idea, though, and wish you all the best in bringing it to fruition.
Denise

angeladavis86 wrote 532 days ago

Such a great book!! Couldn't put it down!

Margaret Anthony wrote 532 days ago

I've not looked for errors or nits in this for two reasons. One is, people more competent than me will advise you and secondly, I was totally absorbed.
You have a mesmerising writing style and a story beautifully told. With your eye for detail and expressive use of language, it is a pleasure to read this.
Hope to return for more, meanwhile on my shelf. Margaret.

Roberta Georgiou wrote 534 days ago

Caroline, Your positive review is greatly appreciated. I look forward to sampling Summer Rose in the next few days. To remind me, I've WL it.

Caroline Hartman wrote 534 days ago

Dear Roberta,
You've developed an intriguing cast of characters, a mysterious back story with sinister undertones on several layers, a plot that has my heart racing, and you are doing it all with great skill. Transistions always seem to get someone's blood boiling and you've let us know these people are descendants of a hardscrabble and hard nosed Hungarian. Tempers will no doubt flair. The past promises to rear its ugly head and roar. Best of luck with this Roberta. Your writing skill is perfect. I'll give you lots of stars and a place on my shelf in time. I have a back log waiting in the wings.
Caroline
K C Hart
Summer Rose

blueboy wrote 535 days ago




The story is compelling and something that I could get into easily. There are rough patches though that I would smooth out before making it to the desk.

How long I had been washing the lettuce at the sink, one minute or twenty, I couldn’t have told you—nor how times I had glanced between the blinds at unchanging scenery.

See the difference a more fluid syllable count can make. “head of” and sink are details that, if important, can be added more fluidly, later, as you go along.

“twenty or hundred” is over kill and sounds a bit cliché after the first dramatic pause reflecting on time.

“Then a mere second before my mind understood” is awkward form of expression. Perhaps “Mere seconds before…” reads a bit smoother. Remember syllable count and tongue placement is important to fluid readability. All and all I really enjoyed this,. You have a strong structured narrative. Take the time to polish and this will be a very marketable story. I’ve enjoyed what I have read so far. This is just feedback for you if your interested in polishing, so don’t be offended. The story is strong.


bb

Roberta Georgiou wrote 535 days ago

Thank you for your kind words. And I will take your suggestions into serious consideration.

mvw888 wrote 535 days ago

I felt an affinity with your work, your opening scene being so much like mine, with a journey ending at a country house, the abundance of imagery and your love of color (the yellow VW amidst the branches, the red paint followed by the red cherries, the horses' tails turned to pink in the dusk, etc, etc.) This is how I see things too, so I was right at home. Also, your descriptions of the natural environment that acknowledged all five senses, and the brilliant images you weld on the reader's mind--the apron as a bird, the daughter a casting to the mother's mold. Great stuff, right up my alley, and a book I would happily curl up with. I can't believe I'm about to say this to an English teacher, but I was a bit distracted in the first few paragraphs with the verb tenses. If you say "had been washing"...shouldn't it be "had glanced?" I've had this debate with others over "had" before and I usually lose...just thought I'd throw that out there. Other awkward phrasing: "to be rained on after walking through the door" and "were what I had shined on them." This is really all I saw in your wonderful writing, little instances where I think the prose could be tightened up. "She made a little whimpering sound in an attempt to say more then hung up" could be "She made a slight whimper then hung up." Stuff like that, somewhat superficial editing.

Overall, loved the beginning of this and can see why others are enjoying it. Very visual, very human, very engaging.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Cariad wrote 535 days ago

Overall impression: poetic, evocative, wide sweeping, human. I started to read and it has that abitlity to draw me in to the story at once, which is something you cannot instruct people how to do. Before I knew it, I was half way down the page, following all those little queries and questions you throw up along the way, very subtly. By the end I really wanted to find out about the letter, the acrimony, the need for forgiveness, those unquiet spirits. And I shall.

Other points you can take or leave (I'm just one reader): When Sarah arrives, it mentions her 'straight auburn hair...' This took me out of the narrative as up till then, I thought I was reading the woman's voice, in which case she wouldn't need to mention that the hair was straight. The colour is fine, but that added detail made me think 'writer's information giving.' rather than MCs comment.

In the paragraph starting 'Driving along...' you have too many day/s - 6 in as many lines and it really jarred on me as I read along.

Loved the 'tight as a barbed wire fence' to describe the woman's mouth, and it says everything.

Quite a long first chapter, but that's just me.
Altogether very impressive and has the read-on factor, which I will be doing. Have watchlisted you and will shelve this when I change.
Cariad
STONES.

eurodan49 wrote 536 days ago

Hi. I read some parts from Razing Cain enough to enjoy the wordsmithing and voice. I’m backing it and will return, when I have more time, for a more profound comment.
Could you please take a look at mine?
Dan

celticwriter wrote 539 days ago

Hi Roberta. Thank you for backing LONDON.
:-)
jim

celticwriter wrote 539 days ago

Hi Roberta. Thank you for backing LONDON.
:-)
jim

wet'n'windySais wrote 540 days ago

As this is classified as historical, I would like to know when and where. I guess it's America from the spelling but it could be anywhere without some description of the location. The senses of smell and sight can add another dimension to a story.

There are some elegant touches but Marta says 'your father' which sounds a bit formal, would 'Dad' be better?
The dialogue is good and you've set the plot in progress. I'll read some more. Best wishes. on my wl
wet'n'twindy Sais. '
Southwell's

Dr. Ken wrote 541 days ago

This is an exciting, suspenseful read. It takes you from one place to another smoothly and quickly.

Eveleen wrote 547 days ago

Razing Cain
It's good and well written
Backed
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

Roberta Georgiou wrote 548 days ago

I most certainly understand your comments and prize your specificity (without being overly critical). I will indeed go through the book again for these issues. A cordial thank you for taking the time.

Eponymous Rox wrote 548 days ago


Hullo again, Roberta. Yes, I will attempt to elaborate without getting too much in your way since I have a lot of faith in your writing abilities and, therefore, am reluctant to overly criticise:

It's first-person realism you're creating, so don't be ashamed to truly weep in it or to similarly expose yourself and the motivations, emotions, and personal demons of anyone else who inhabits the novel--wherever necessary. Let the reader feel that they are *literally* dropping from the eaves to witness a real-life, intimate scene that they are not otherwise privileged to see, and from which, nevertheless, they cannot look away. (Such a feat won't be accomplished by allowing any character, including your own, to merely dab a tissue to damp eyes.)

Small things: e.g. I was perplexed when the narrator, speaking to her daughter, says 'my father' instead of 'your grandfather', the latter moniker being far more common and natural for a mother to say. While I haven't read all that you've uploaded here yet, I would suggest to objectively scan the manuscript now for similar eccentricities like this which throw the narrative off somewhat, and to be totally 'ruthless' in eradicating them.

(Does this elucidation help you any?)


I will surely return to read more of this.

Kind regards--
E.R.


Roberta Georgiou wrote 548 days ago

E. R. In looking at your comment again, I'm really curious about those "few ruthless edits." Care to elaborate?

Clever title. The story has the ache and torment of 'Ironweed', though, to be sure, not the same literary style.

I sense a modern classic here...with just a few ruthless final edits.

Watchlisted your Magyars (for now).

E.R.

Eponymous Rox wrote 549 days ago


Clever title. The story has the ache and torment of 'Ironweed', though, to be sure, not the same literary style.

I sense a modern classic here...with just a few ruthless final edits.

Watchlisted your Magyars (for now).

E.R.

celticwriter wrote 550 days ago

Hi Roberta, liking you synopsis :-). Will place on my WL. Looks like a good read!

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

zenup wrote 553 days ago

Interesting. The title 'Razing Cain' caught my attention (because normally it's 'raising'). - huge potential in the family secrets dept. I'm not normally keen on first person but I think it works here, though things like 'they whirled first in distinct then amorphous detail' and 'cleared my throat to curtail Eva's fun' seem slightly awkward. Backed.

SusieGulick wrote 553 days ago

Dear Roberta, I love that you well prepared my for your story by laying out your plot of Sarah & the property inheritance problem. :) Your tight paragraphs & dialogue, not to mention the funeral & problems solving, moved me right through you traumatic story - I've been through this with 1st my Dad's death & then, my Mom's - it's hard & sad. ;( You can tell that your story triggered a lot of memories of times gone by. ;( Greatest of writes!! :) Triggering emotions. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist, to back & everyone's waiting to get on & your turn will come. :) I have also ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back mine? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ****** -ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :)

SusieGulick wrote 553 days ago

:) comment to follow after I've read your book - read & commented on 2 hours later :)

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