Sliding on the Snow Stone

Only just got round to reading this after having it on my WL for some time and thought the first chapter was excellent. Was then very disappointed to see it was the only one here. The fact you have now got your work published, though, is evidence that the rest of your book is just as good.

Thanks Nathan,
I've really worked my nuts off on this project, and I think, all in all, it's as good as it could be at my present level. Really appreciate your comment though, and I also think your work has real potential. keep it going!
Andy

Only just got round to reading this after having it on my WL for some time and thought the first chapter was excellent. Was then very disappointed to see it was the only one here. The fact you have now got your work published, though, is evidence that the rest of your book is just as good.

Eponymous!!
Thanks you so much, my fine fellow. As far as the pitch/synopsis is concerned, I'm open to suggestions, so any ideas would be gratefully received from you.
And of course, big congratulations on reaching the top with Bot.
Andy

I see you have edited and re-uploaded this excellent, fact-based historical novel of yours, Andy, so once again I am proud to support it, here on my bookshelf and elsewhere on the web. It is, IMHO, a literary masterpiece.

*Someone recently called to my attention the fact that pitches aren't always the best way to judge the quality of a manuscript on Authonomy. Such is the case with this new one you've written. Nevertheless, pitches do SELL a book so please consider rewriting both of yours ASAP. (It's well worth your time because it will make a difference in the amount of readers you are able to hook and how swiftly you can get it to the Desk!)

CHEERS to you, Sir, and best wishes--
E.R.

Andy, I've been deeply impressed by the chapters you've added to date. A very strong cover is a great start and the premise is certainly intriguing. I spent a few months in Eastern Europe recently and the area has such a fascinating history there are stories here begging to be told and you've come up with a strong one.
I's tentatively suggest that you could improve on your long pitch. You tell the reader the book is 'compelling' - which it is - yet I'd prefer to discover that for myself. As with the declaration of the type of reader most likely to be drawn towards the book, I'd always prefer the pitch to inflame my interest, compel me to read on, by having the premise set out in such a way as to make my own mind up as to my interest. If this appears harsh, it's just a reader's opinion and offered only because your book deserves a stronger pitch.
The opening chapter is graphic, shock value guaranteed, and takes the reader straight into the appalling daily life of the narrator. You bring out the reality of the era and the setting very well, an excellent start.
Reading on it becomes evident that you have an affinity with your subject. Child 44 offered ample evidence of the market for a novel set in these tempestuous times and you've mined a rich seam with your storyline.
Impressive and imaginative work. On my shelf for a spell.
Jake

Hunger, anger, and painful memories are the themes of the opening of this book, which effectively capture the thoughts of an old man looking back on his life in the 1930s in Soviet dominated Ukraine. The prologue starts at a slow pace, but this is in line with the slowness of age and infirmity presented by the narrator. The prologue, with its images of security & plenty, also offers a stark contrast to what is to follow in chapter 1.

The narrator is an old man looking back, and sometimes he recalls his own child words, or those used by the adults around him, and at other times presents an adult narrator's perspective on the past, including his own verdict on Stalin. This generally works well, as the narrator reminds us at intervals with terms like, 'that's how things were...' But perhaps the inclusion of more preceding terms, such as 'I remember once...' or similar at the start of some sections would continually remind the reader that this is an adult narration, and not a child speaking.

Chapter 1 starts powerfully with images of death and starvation, emphasised by the indifference of the Russian soldiers, who sit to eat amongst the corpses. I suggest that the emphasis you gave at this point: 'without a care, without even a tear of remorse' was not needed, as their action spoke for itself.

You mentioned early on in the chapter that Stefan was given a half a cup of milk for his midday meal, and the question 'where did this milk come from?' stayed with me, until it was answered later in the chapter.
You could perhaps bring forward the later section about the family cow to connect with the first mention of milk, as this answered the question about its origins, as well as how Stefan and his family were still alive in the midst of so much death.

I liked the descriptions of children playing amidst the chaos around them, as this is what they do! Your description of sunset glimpsed through the trees was very effective, and I liked the way the sun was described as 'delicious': a new and apt metaphor in the context of this story.

The section starting with 'would we be next' appeared a little superfluous to me because of the number of rhetorical questions presented, which has the effect of slowing the narrative at that point. Someone advised me once that rhetorical questions in a novel were not necessary, as the author should be giving the answers in the story! But I leave you to think about this.

Overall, this is an effective and interesting start to the novel. Very good contrasts are made between the childhood and adult memories, and I liked the title and the cover image.. Hope to read more of this in due course.

Colin,
Thanks so much for such a detailed and thorough analysis, and I can only apologise for my threadbare attempt at 'Millstone' - clearly I need to up my game a bit. You make many salient points, your observations are much appreciated.
Andy

Hunger, anger, and painful memories are the themes of the opening of this book, which effectively capture the thoughts of an old man looking back on his life in the 1930s in Soviet dominated Ukraine. The prologue starts at a slow pace, but this is in line with the slowness of age and infirmity presented by the narrator. The prologue, with its images of security & plenty, also offers a stark contrast to what is to follow in chapter 1.

The narrator is an old man looking back, and sometimes he recalls his own child words, or those used by the adults around him, and at other times presents an adult narrator's perspective on the past, including his own verdict on Stalin. This generally works well, as the narrator reminds us at intervals with terms like, 'that's how things were...' But perhaps the inclusion of more preceding terms, such as 'I remember once...' or similar at the start of some sections would continually remind the reader that this is an adult narration, and not a child speaking.

Chapter 1 starts powerfully with images of death and starvation, emphasised by the indifference of the Russian soldiers, who sit to eat amongst the corpses. I suggest that the emphasis you gave at this point: 'without a care, without even a tear of remorse' was not needed, as their action spoke for itself.

You mentioned early on in the chapter that Stefan was given a half a cup of milk for his midday meal, and the question 'where did this milk come from?' stayed with me, until it was answered later in the chapter.
You could perhaps bring forward the later section about the family cow to connect with the first mention of milk, as this answered the question about its origins, as well as how Stefan and his family were still alive in the midst of so much death.

I liked the descriptions of children playing amidst the chaos around them, as this is what they do! Your description of sunset glimpsed through the trees was very effective, and I liked the way the sun was described as 'delicious': a new and apt metaphor in the context of this story.

The section starting with 'would we be next' appeared a little superfluous to me because of the number of rhetorical questions presented, which has the effect of slowing the narrative at that point. Someone advised me once that rhetorical questions in a novel were not necessary, as the author should be giving the answers in the story! But I leave you to think about this.

Overall, this is an effective and interesting start to the novel. Very good contrasts are made between the childhood and adult memories, and I liked the title and the cover image.. Hope to read more of this in due course.

I think you have a great story but the telling of it needs a bit of tweaking. Though the narrator is a child, the story seems to have an adult perspective, lacking the color of a child. Perhaps if more of it were on the site I would have a different feeling. I only found one typo, "He wouldn't be sat around, should be wouldn't be sitting around.
I ranked it as well.
Best of luck.
Roberta

Many thanks, Roberta. The viewpoint is mixed - an old man remembering and locking into his childhood memories, then at times drifting back out again. I can't say I deliberately planned it that way, it just evolved, but I have checked it very closely and I think it works okay. If you remember it begins with the old man in modern times, talking to his son and then remembering back, so it wouldn't really be right for it to be a purely child like POV. As the book progresses and he gets older, the voice matures and begins to blend in.
Andy

I think you have a great story but the telling of it needs a bit of tweaking. Though the narrator is a child, the story seems to have an adult perspective, lacking the color of a child. Perhaps if more of it were on the site I would have a different feeling. I only found one typo, "He wouldn't be sat around, should be wouldn't be sitting around.
I ranked it as well.
Best of luck.
Roberta

I found this a powerful piece of writing. The innocence of a child seeing horror and beauty all in the same glance with the crouching menace always there waiting to take it all away.
Imelda

Thanks Imelda,
for the nice comment and the backing - I hope to take a look at your work soon.
Andy

I found this a powerful piece of writing. The innocence of a child seeing horror and beauty all in the same glance with the crouching menace always there waiting to take it all away.
Imelda

World two stories and defiance; what a match! This one is good for the world to remember how to protect tomorrow. I believe this is what literature must keep. So that we avoid the road of bad history. Worth reading!

From reading the first two chapters, what struck me most was the juxtaposition of the awfulness and horror of the situation and the beauty of the country and the boy's appreciation of that, the details of his games with his friends and his life with his family; the way in the midst of all that they care for and respect their cow and still believe in God. I like the simple style that shows the boy's view of things, the way the sinister overtones come across just through the description of the little events. Also, it's a great title.

Re-backing this incredible story (again), classy new cover and all! (And even though I miss seeing Stefan's handsome face.)

From Kay with love

- Sliding on the Snow Stone -

(Based on chapters 1-3)

It's a testament to the quality of the writing that I found the events of the novel shocking even though I had a fairly good knowlledge of them beforehand, having studied Esatern European literature and this era in particular. The effects of deliberate starvation and the Ukranian hatred for the Russians interspersed with clever character portraits and day to day activities like boys playing football and generally messing around is a good portrayal of how people somehow become normalised to any situation, as is often found in novels and memoirs dealing with the gulags or Second World War conventration camps. Bit despite this, there is a good deal of tension hanging over the story, a feeling that something terrible could happen at any moment. This is examplified by Stefan's attempt to stone the Russian tanks. We know what would happen there if he went through with it.

I like the idea of a biography/novel but I would make the small note that I was a little uncertain, due to the author's shared surname with the main character, over whether this was a genuine biography of a relative or entirely fictionalised, or indeed somewhere in between. It doesn't make any differenve to the enjoyment of the read but I suppose my pedantic side would have loked to have known.

One small suggestion on a path that could be taken, although which is not necessary - there could be a real hard hitting effect on the reader if the opening chapters were to make them feel the hunger a bit more, the effects that it has on the characters' bodies, thinking, behaviour etc. Although there was a lot about Tom Rob Smith's Child 44 I couldn't get along with, his opening chapter was stunning for the reason that it really took you through that feeling of starvation during Stalinist collectivisation. Inimagine it's not what the author has gone for here but it could be an option if desired.

As I say, very impressive and top notch all round. But I am an Eastern Europe geek so I'm bound to say that ;-)

All the best with it,

Ross

Honestly … I never loved reading or watching stories of world war/nazi’s etc as it saddens me and again my heart ached when I read the first page.

Your writing style is so powerful and well written that with every sentence I had such a clear image of what was going on. e.g. when u told about how the boy stood with the stone wanting to hurt the soldier for having sandwiches when they had no food at some days, …I had such clear images and I could actually feel his anger towards them.

And then there was the part where they mention about people killing their children to sell the meat and I just could not read any further. I have a teenager daughter and it just made me sick to my stomach knowing that this happened. So I hope you can forgive me for not being able to read more even though I know that your story will be an amazing one. The little that I did read was just amazing.

I wish you the very best
Green h

Hi Andy,

I am very, very impressed with these two chapters. The quality of writing is very high and your portrayal of the deliberate starvation visited on the Ukrainian people by Stalin is both shocking and wonderful, interlacing as you do the shocking fear and pain with the delights of a childhood in a beautiful village, and the typically mischievous adventurism of the boys. The contrasts between these elements are stark and create a truly Shakespearean quality. If you achieve such balance and depth in the rest of the book, and maintain the high standard of writing, it should hit the market place with a very big splash.

I am starring highly and wish you every success. Margaret Woodward : Kilbaddy

Hello Margaret,
Thank you for those very kind words. I've haven't been around here much of late - I've been working on setting up a blog and other worthwile writerly endeavours that seem to form part of a 21st century writer's agenda. Kilbaddy looks interesting - the time period is one of interest, and I'll try and take a look at it in the next couple of weeks.
Andy

Hi Andy,

I am very, very impressed with these two chapters. The quality of writing is very high and your portrayal of the deliberate starvation visited on the Ukrainian people by Stalin is both shocking and wonderful, interlacing as you do the shocking fear and pain with the delights of a childhood in a beautiful village, and the typically mischievous adventurism of the boys. The contrasts between these elements are stark and create a truly Shakespearean quality. If you achieve such balance and depth in the rest of the book, and maintain the high standard of writing, it should hit the market place with a very big splash.

I am starring highly and wish you every success. Margaret Woodward : Kilbaddy

This is an extemely worthy account of an often conveniently forgotten, deliberate man-made catastrophe on the scale of the Holocaust. It should be shouted fom the roof-tops but it seems to have become what Stalin intended: a foot note in history. Andy, you have done a great service with this. I hope it can be published as works like this are vital. Starred, WL for now, regards, Mark

Hello Mark,
Thanks for those positives. I AM endeavouring to shout this from the roof-tops, and am hoping for publication this year, see my recently constructed blog:
http://andyszpuk.wordpress.com/

Details about 'Sliding on the Snow Stone' are all there, and other snippets of my work, if you'd like to take a look and leave a comment somewhere that's be great.
I haven't been around much lately, but I will take a look at 'Winston and Me', some time in the next week or so. Have been incredibly busy trying to construct the blog and other promo activities.
Andy

This is an extemely worthy account of an often conveniently forgotten, deliberate man-made catastrophe on the scale of the Holocaust. It should be shouted fom the roof-tops but it seems to have become what Stalin intended: a foot note in history. Andy, you have done a great service with this. I hope it can be published as works like this are vital. Starred, WL for now, regards, Mark

Really excellent quality with an unmistakable note of complete authenticity.This is about your father or grandfather? - one never doubts for a moment that it is all real.it is also interesting in England in read about the Ukrainian perspective,which is almost completely unknown here,in contrast to Russia and Poland.This is a wonderful and deeply felt edvocation of a terrible era.would you be a\ble to look at my book 'A Buccaneer',about Pirates in the 17th Century and includes the attack on Panama 1671,Spanish Gold,the Great Plague of London,Spanish Ladies ,a five handed duel and much more,with best wishes,Strachan Gordon

Hello Iva,
Thanks for those kind and very encouraging words. I agree with you about the drive-by readings BTW (hehehe) - not much use to anyone, but I guess this site is more about networking than anything, so it's the name of the game. I should be able to take a look at fame and infamy this evening - hopefully in-depth.
Andy

Andy, I read attentively your all-too-short sample. If the rest of the memoir is just as good, then you have a worthy book on offer. The Holodomor in Ukraine - Stalin's greatest crime - is little known compared to Hitler's concentration camps. More should be said about it and your story is one more brick that fills the large gap. I'm putting it on my shelf.

All the best,

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Andy, I read attentively your all-too-short sample. If the rest of the memoir is just as good, then you have a worthy book on offer. The Holodomor in Ukraine - Stalin's greatest crime - is little known compared to Hitler's concentration camps. More should be said about it and your story is one more brick that fills the large gap. I'm putting it on my shelf.

All the best,

Iva P.
Fame and Infamy

Andy,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

I am sorry the reading swap took so long. Sometimes life gets in the way.

This is truly heart ranging. Being the son of a holocaust survivors, I grew up listening to heart wrenching stories like this one, and then reading about them throughout my teenager years

And this is exactly how it reads. As a story of survival among the word possible conditions known to man, all described with almost journalistic detachment, which of course, forces the reader to supply the emotional dose...

....and that the reader does....

and is that dosage of emotional vetting...

...is what makes this worth reading

David

Thanks Kenneth,
And I'm honoured to be part of your selection. I'll take a look at your work as soon as I can.
Andy

Andy,

I read "Sliding on the Snow Stone" and must say that your first person narrative put mr right there where the action was. I found myself gritting my teeth and suffering as a Ukrainian coping with life under Stalin. I'm backing your book, rating it and putting it on my watchlist. And I'm not even through reading it yet.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Andy,

I read "Sliding on the Snow Stone" and must say that your first person narrative put mr right there where the action was. I found myself gritting my teeth and suffering as a Ukrainian coping with life under Stalin. I'm backing your book, rating it and putting it on my watchlist. And I'm not even through reading it yet.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Thanks Bea,
I hope to take a look at your work sometime soon.
Andy

Andrew,
I'd first pick up this book for the handsome young face on the cover. In all seriousness, your early chapters captivated me. If I were holding this in a bookstore, I'd be glued to the spot, oblivious of all the shoppers and clerks, lost in this world. I love the premise. My brother, John Campbell, pointed me in your direction. And I'm grateful that he did. WL'd and starred generously, as it deserves. Best wishes,
Bea

Andrew,
I'd first pick up this book for the handsome young face on the cover. In all seriousness, your early chapters captivated me. If I were holding this in a bookstore, I'd be glued to the spot, oblivious of all the shoppers and clerks, lost in this world. I love the premise. My brother, John Campbell, pointed me in your direction. And I'm grateful that he did. WL'd and starred generously, as it deserves. Best wishes,
Bea

Hello Virginia,
Thanks so much for your positive feedback! The novel is, hopefully, due to be published sometime this year - I don't want to tempt fate and give too much away now though! There are another 5 chapters and an epilogue. I'll let you know when it's available, in the meantime I've taken down all but the first two chapters - so you've had quite a meaty preview! I'll try and take a look at Laura's book sometime in the next few days. Thanks again.
Andy

I see now that it's not competed! Good that way I can keep up with it and find out ,But please don't wait too long .I can hardly wait!!Virginia Mills

I see now that it's not competed! Good that way I can keep up with it and find out ,But please don't wait too long .I can hardly wait!!Virginia Mills

i just finshed your book . needless to say I gave it ^ stars. It will also stay on my bookshelf so I can read it again, as i like to do on good books.But I must know wrat happened to your brothe and Mother?My daughter has a book on this site ,thats how i stared eading these books . I would like it very much if you would give it a read, I think you might like it, its: "Come What May " by : Laura A. Diaz thank you for sharing your story with us ,May God Bless you!! Virginia Mills

Thanks so much, Shalini,
I'm hoping to get this published this year. I like the look of your website - would you recommend Wix? I've been looking at sorting out a website for myself, but it's proving to be quite a headache - so many choices.
Andy

Stunning! The writing, the story, the ... everything. I very much look forward to this being published. To have recorded this tragic piece of history in such a personal way is a wonderful gift for your family. I'll continue to read and in the meantime, 6 stars and a place on my shelf.

Stunning! The writing, the story, the ... everything. I very much look forward to this being published. To have recorded this tragic piece of history in such a personal way is a wonderful gift for your family. I'll continue to read and in the meantime, 6 stars and a place on my shelf.

I like your pitch very much. I can never read enough history and personalised accounts are often more compelling that sweeping 1,000 pagers on this or that period or tyrant. I will come back for a proper read in the next day or so.
Orlando WATCHING SWIFTS

Thanks KC,
I finally got around to taking a more in-depth look at Waystation to Prosperity Street, and I have to say it is well constructed, The descriptions are excellent, and the tension between Annacara and Lance are introduced early to deliver a lovely slice of drama that moves witha graceful tension across the page. The language and the tone feel authentic and the pace is gentle, but with a storyline that develops constantly. The concept of this story is attractive and interesting with its multi-layered themes - forbidden fruit, survival, aspirations etc. I hope you get this published soon.
Andy

Andy, your Father and Grandparents - still alive or dead now, will be so proud of you for writing this, for sharing their story with the world. I think all Ukrainians will be, too. Even now, international readers will be stricken to read what really happened in those terrible times of Stalin's rule. For such atrocities to be inflicted amidst such beauty, and what had been an idyllic way of life tinged with the childrens' wild imaginings of Kozak glamour, is hard to witness even from afar.

You've written this from the heart and it shows. You've given us history wrapped in the heart and mind of young Stefan, a true witness with the heart-rending, simple acceptance of life in the raw.

I see you've tagged this as fiction, and I'm wondering if it should not be non-fiction and HarperTrue Life. (HC is looking closely at all books tagged HarperTrue...). Just a thought!

ONE thing I'd consider... that's to tighten the Prologue a bit. Maybe not start with all the pills - could put off some readers, wondering how miserable this is going to get... no offence! The story itself is of course harrowing - mixed with the lighter moments so well - but it's not that kind of miserable. I'd consider maybe starting with being 80, and of course mention the tablets (briefly) and Maria. That, I think, lets a reader know they're going to *hear* an old man's memories, as well as having a little more life and colour. The rest is so mind-blowing, we don't want you to lose readers before this incredible story starts. And incredible it truly is.

6-starred and backed for you and for your people with my best wishes -

from Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Andy,
I have just joined and I will put your book on my bookshelf, I really enjoyed the story despite the disturbing content. I think these stories need to be told and published before we lose them. Best of luck with it. I hope you make the editors desk for their comments. Jacoba

Hello John,
I see you're doing well with 'paradise garden' - well done! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, wasn't sure what you meant but insertion of commas for direct address through?
Andy

Hi Andy,
I lament at the lack of time to read more in one sitting. Did a stint with my morning coffee today. I would definitely buy this book. Absolutely love it. Fabulous beginning. Are you inserting commas for direct address in your edits? That is the only nit. The writing is beautiful. The story mesmerizing. Will keep coming back to this.
Regards,
John B Campbell

Hi Andy,
I lament at the lack of time to read more in one sitting. Did a stint with my morning coffee today. I would definitely buy this book. Absolutely love it. Fabulous beginning. Are you inserting commas for direct address in your edits? That is the only nit. The writing is beautiful. The story mesmerizing. Will keep coming back to this.
Regards,
John B Campbell

Andy, your Father and Grandparents - still alive or dead now, will be so proud of you for writing this, for sharing their story with the world. I think all Ukrainians will be, too. Even now, international readers will be stricken to read what really happened in those terrible times of Stalin's rule. For such atrocities to be inflicted amidst such beauty, and what had been an idyllic way of life tinged with the childrens' wild imaginings of Kozak glamour, is hard to witness even from afar.

You've written this from the heart and it shows. You've given us history wrapped in the heart and mind of young Stefan, a true witness with the heart-rending, simple acceptance of life in the raw.

I see you've tagged this as fiction, and I'm wondering if it should not be non-fiction and HarperTrue Life. (HC is looking closely at all books tagged HarperTrue...). Just a thought!

ONE thing I'd consider... that's to tighten the Prologue a bit. Maybe not start with all the pills - could put off some readers, wondering how miserable this is going to get... no offence! The story itself is of course harrowing - mixed with the lighter moments so well - but it's not that kind of miserable. I'd consider maybe starting with being 80, and of course mention the tablets (briefly) and Maria. That, I think, lets a reader know they're going to *hear* an old man's memories, as well as having a little more life and colour. The rest is so mind-blowing, we don't want you to lose readers before this incredible story starts. And incredible it truly is.

6-starred and backed for you and for your people with my best wishes -

from Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Thanks for your kind comments, Missy. Glad you're enjoying it - I hope to take a closer look at 'Mark of Eternity' sometime soon.
Andy

The more I read this, the more I'm drawn into it. You've got a mesmerizing writing style, I've read four chapters and it's hard to turn away. I have to keep reminding myself that it's a biography, really fascinating. I haven't really been looking for punctuation and grammar, I like to read just to read. Sorry if I'm not helpful, all I know is you've written a great story, or at least shared something impressive with us. You've done a nice job so far and I'll continue on when I have time. I know I want to keep going!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

The more I read this, the more I'm drawn into it. You've got a mesmerizing writing style, I've read four chapters and it's hard to turn away. I have to keep reminding myself that it's a biography, really fascinating. I haven't really been looking for punctuation and grammar, I like to read just to read. Sorry if I'm not helpful, all I know is you've written a great story, or at least shared something impressive with us. You've done a nice job so far and I'll continue on when I have time. I know I want to keep going!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Hello Emma,
Thanks for that very positive remark. Just wondering ... did you read all seven chapters? There are 15 in all, and once I've finished editing I'll get those up too. Will take at look at your stuff soon too.
Andy

Wow! Dumb-founded. Nothing to say except that this is a very touching story, well-written too.

Emma Philips
The dark Intruder

Wow! Dumb-founded. Nothing to say except that this is a very touching story, well-written too.

Emma Philips
The dark Intruder

This is a stunning story, esp. since you've indicated that it's derived from family history. Your writing style, which I would describe as more literal, stark, and often staccato is perfect for the subject matter. I esp. loved the scene of the woman throwing the burning rag on the roof (It reminded me so much of the woman in Fahrenheit 451 who stand among her pile of books and lights the match herself.) and "spiders crawling in your belly." Wish you the best with this and so I've starred it high and backed it.

(My review verbatim posted @ www.youwriteon.com)


'WEPT: Stunning prose and such a moving story, the historical subject matter deftly presented by a guileless child narrator, This is first rate storytelling, masterfully written, and I don't know what more I really need to add to that--I wept to read this child's plight and testimony.

The story of man on Earth, past, present and future, has great highs for us all to admire, yet in it are some shocking and terrible lows as well. If we are to advance as a species, we must come to terms with this, face our crimes and omissions, instead of constantly revising the facts, glossing over the sordid details, and whitewashing our cruelties and atrociously anti-social behaviour. It is so important, therefore, to have these kind of authentic firsthand accounts, such as you have written, composed by average citizens and not just those gloriously embellished by conquerors seeking to elevate themselves to places in history they don't deserve and haven't earned humanly.

[SIX] STARS. I wish you every success with getting this important story published.

Kind regards.
E.R.'

After a short prologue Andy Szpuk's tale begins amidst the horrors of famine in thirties Ukraine. The book reads as if Stefan has recounted these memories of his distant childhood to his son, the author, Andy. There is drama and interest in the descriptions of human suffering, callous soviets, his pride in his country and young Stefan's dreams of becoming a Kozak (cossack?) riding freely over the steppes. The passages detailing his friends and activities before and after the famine and leading up to the war are particularly good. His encounter on the edge of a frozen lake with wild haired Matviyko who calls the ice 'snow stone' is a great hook. I was unaware that Ukrainians were so ambivalent about the forthcoming war as they wondered whether Nazi/German domination might be more favourable than that of the hated soviets. I think that Stefan could be introduced better. Perhaps Andy is uncomfortable 'fictionalising' his father's life but the opening passage could describe any elderly persons morning. We want to know the idiosyncrasies, the telling details. Like Marina Lewycka's unforgettable father in a Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian' Stefan is a member of a fascinating ethnic minority and we want to know more detail about his life today. I would have liked to hear more about his wife Maria. Does her history go back to the Ukrainian days? Can you portray their relationship a little? We need to empathise more with Stefan by the end of the prologue. I think the whole passage regarding the Holodomor (famine) could be put together better. Perhaps it could start with Stefan's hunger and his recollection of it. JG Ballard in 'Empire of the Sun' and Frank McCourt in 'Angela's Ashes' both wrote compellingly about childhood hunger in different circumstances. I think if we got to know his best friend Bodhan and some details of their activities together before he dies of starvation the event would have more emotional impact and the importance of the cow belonging to Stefan's family would be underlined. Also some of the conversations attributable to young Stefan and his friends sound as if they come from older boys (if I am correct that Stefan was 5-7 years during most of these passages). I am not convinced that seven year old Stefan would have such an appreciation of the poetry of Shevchenko. However these minor quibbles could easily be fixed and there is a great tale to tell here. I will be reading more as you upload. Perhaps you should stand a little back from your parents and fictionalise some aspects of this with their permission.

regards

Brian

Thanks so much for your observations, Brian. All very valid points.
In actual fact this IS a fictionalised account - anecdotal material was skimpy, so that's why I chose to write this as an autobiographical novel. I know what you mean when you say that the hunger could be more prevalent and given stronger emphasis, but wouldn't it then be similar to those other books you mentioned? It was more important for me to show that there was defiance there, and resistance, the approach you suggest would possibly lead to a scenario where Ukrainians would be seen as passive, helpless victims. I don't believe that was the case. More about Maria comes later.
Many thanks again, and I will endeavour to return this favour to you.
Andy

After a short prologue Andy Szpuk's tale begins amidst the horrors of famine in thirties Ukraine. The book reads as if Stefan has recounted these memories of his distant childhood to his son, the author, Andy. There is drama and interest in the descriptions of human suffering, callous soviets, his pride in his country and young Stefan's dreams of becoming a Kozak (cossack?) riding freely over the steppes. The passages detailing his friends and activities before and after the famine and leading up to the war are particularly good. His encounter on the edge of a frozen lake with wild haired Matviyko who calls the ice 'snow stone' is a great hook. I was unaware that Ukrainians were so ambivalent about the forthcoming war as they wondered whether Nazi/German domination might be more favourable than that of the hated soviets. I think that Stefan could be introduced better. Perhaps Andy is uncomfortable 'fictionalising' his father's life but the opening passage could describe any elderly persons morning. We want to know the idiosyncrasies, the telling details. Like Marina Lewycka's unforgettable father in a Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian' Stefan is a member of a fascinating ethnic minority and we want to know more detail about his life today. I would have liked to hear more about his wife Maria. Does her history go back to the Ukrainian days? Can you portray their relationship a little? We need to empathise more with Stefan by the end of the prologue. I think the whole passage regarding the Holodomor (famine) could be put together better. Perhaps it could start with Stefan's hunger and his recollection of it. JG Ballard in 'Empire of the Sun' and Frank McCourt in 'Angela's Ashes' both wrote compellingly about childhood hunger in different circumstances. I think if we got to know his best friend Bodhan and some details of their activities together before he dies of starvation the event would have more emotional impact and the importance of the cow belonging to Stefan's family would be underlined. Also some of the conversations attributable to young Stefan and his friends sound as if they come from older boys (if I am correct that Stefan was 5-7 years during most of these passages). I am not convinced that seven year old Stefan would have such an appreciation of the poetry of Shevchenko. However these minor quibbles could easily be fixed and there is a great tale to tell here. I will be reading more as you upload. Perhaps you should stand a little back from your parents and fictionalise some aspects of this with their permission.

regards

Brian

Hello Christian
Thanks for that, and can I offer apologies for not following up on our (loose) arrangement - very, very busy, but you are top of my list now, so tomorrow I should get something back to you (if I commit I'll get it done).
Maybe I need to change that last line - it's been chopped around quite a bit anyway.
The story is obviously a family history, and from that point of view, I have no choice but to tell it, the journey for me has been a hard one, but fulfilling. There are one or two lighter moments in the later chapters and certainly towards the end.
Anyway, enough rambling, many thanks for your comments.
Andy

Andy,

This is extremely affecting work. The descriptions, dialogue, and atmosphere are very strong, so much so that I felt great consternation and sympathy and yes, even hunger whilst reading. One frankly needs a certain amount of fortitude to actually get through this rather long chapter, as the growing desperation one feels just by reading it makes it rather tough going. It may not make sense to suggest that your writing is too effective, but indeed I was reticent to go on to the next chapter, particularly as you go ahead and point out at the end of the first that "It wasn't about to get any better". Very heavy stuff though very well written, Andy. RATED. -cc

I read your prologue and first chapter.

General comments: A gritty, captivating start to what promises to be an engrossing journey. Believable, spunky main character. Vivid descriptions. Good period details. Atmospheric. Good tension/drama. Good pacing.

Specific comments on prologue:
1) 'If I could jump up and down I reckon I'd rattle.' Comma after 'down.' Introductory phrases such as this are always offset with a comma. Also, this sentence made me laugh and made me like Stephan. Therefore it's good characterization.
2) 'When the bus comes I sit near the front.' Comma after 'comes.' This is another cases of offsetting an introductory phrase with a comma.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) 'What is it Father?' Comma after 'it.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problem.
2) 'It had seen better days' is cliche. Consider writing the same thought, but in a fresh way.
3) 'My beloved children,' Period after 'children.'
4) ' ... in a voice like a rumble from Heaven.' Good similie. Fresh. Effective.
5) 'It wasn't about to get any better' is foretelling. Readers like to experience events as they occur. They like surprises and twists. Consider not foretelling.

I hope this critique helps you polish your all important prologue and first chapter. These are just my opinions. Take what works for you and discard the rest.

Al