A Spring Rain

What I like most about this is that feeling of claustrophobia in the opening chapters, with a young couple in love and not concerned with anything beyond each other.

Then there's that feeling of pottering around together in a foreign place, just being enchanted by the fact that you're walking unfamiliar streets. I recently took a trip with my fiance to Florence and it definitely had that feel to it.

I was obviously pleased when Don and Jen arrived in Scotland. This was the first time that I've had a romantic image of Glasgow Central Station and it was nice to get a bit of acurately rendered Scots dialogue in there.

Things get at there most interesting towards the end of what is posted here - I won't give details so as to avoid spoling the read for anyone else - but there's a distinct change in atmosphere and emotion from the light-heartedness of the opening chapters, with Don and Jen being dragged back into the real world after their trip. It's a clever change of pace and a good idea to take the reader through deeper emotions.

If I can offer some technical advice I think it would be that you don't need as much description of the travel from one place to another - on the train etc. - as it may get a little repetitive for the reader.

In the opening chapters there are also quite a lot of verbs and adverbs used to describe the dialogue which are not really necessary and could slow down the pace for your reader. It's usually best to stick to one or two 'he said/she saids' per exchange, so long as the speaker is clear. And sometimes the verb or adverb is unnecessary since the way the speaker talks is clear from the dialogue itself. As an exampe, from chapter 2:

Jen, hesitantly, "Um.. juice please."

Here 'hesitantly' isn't necessary since the 'Um...' makes that clear anyway.

That being said, it was nice to have a wee read of something set in the old country and to let my head roam around there for a while. Best of luck with the books - and the guest house. Let me know when it opens, I may just swing by on one of my visits home.

Best,

Ross

What I found most intriguing was the simplicity of it and the passion between the two. It's a wonderful read. High stars!

Thank you very much for your comments and encouragement. I'm not quite sure what is missing as I feel that there is a lot of dialogue - thanks for your enjoying it. I would like to take a look at what you are referring to if you could be more specific. Kate. Actually Jenny's Rain is the first book in the series. Will be three in all.

I have read chapter one - very well presented and great intimate scenes - and have now taken a look at chapters two and three. There is much promising material here, yet I feel that on occasion you forget to play to your strength, which is undoubtedly, for me, your realistic dialogue and well observed characters. These are really life like and engrossing. Please consider focusing your very real talent on these passages. By doing so, you will give your story added pace.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx





Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :)

Kate, what comes across to me most strongly is not the story, but your love of Scotland and England, especially the north. You see the scenery and describe the people with such freshness and enthusiasm. I don't know how much of this is autobiographical, but your sincerity and affection for your characters and their journey shines through every line.

Dear Kate

I have read chapter one - very well presented and great intimate scenes - and have now taken a look at chapters two and three. There is much promising material here, yet I feel that on occasion you forget to play to your strength, which is undoubtedly, for me, your realistic dialogue and well observed characters. These are really life like and engrossing. Please consider focusing your very real talent on these passages. By doing so, you will give your story added pace.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx





Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :)

Many thanks for backing A Spring Rain. I appreciate your comments as I have also received similar from others. Always room for improvement. Kate

Screenwriting: I've written a full length screenplay (family movie) - have no idea how to market same. Any suggesions. I'm also working at putting it out as a YA novel. Would make for fun reading also. Thanks,

Hi Kate! Thank you for your wonderful work, going through it - appreciating how you paint with words!

blessings,
jim

Hi Kate! Firstly, thank you for backing LONDON. Secondly, nice, flowing story telling you have on your own work. I'm not a critic, just a mere screenwriter jumping into the novel world for the first time. Somewhat scary!

Placing yours on my WL for now.

Many blessings, and thank you again!
Jim

Not a bad introduction. I loved the couple. They are good together. Always playing with each other. I found the first couple of dialogue very, very entertaining. I laughed my ass off when she said what was what? It just came off as the funniest thing evaaaa. Your writing flows but sometimes the narration is a bit much. But it's not bad, just something you should look at. The thing about the ending is that I wonder where these two are going to end up. Are they going to be okay? Probably not is what I say. 5 stars.

Hello Ross, Where do I begin to say thank you for your warm, honest comments on A Spring Rain. You read it the way it was intended to be read - as it reads - no riddles. Thank you.
I've traveled via Glasgow Central many times and I just love the place. Not as safe a place as it was a few years back, but it's still "hame tae me". Aye, ah can pit oan the patter any time as I was born in Johnstone.

Thanks for your techinical advice. I certainly will have a look at it - you make some very good points. The story is finished - I just have to get it on the site. Have you read Jenny's Rain yet? That is the first part of the story.

As for the guest house - it is one of my personal dreams - somewhere in south Ayrshire or south of that along coast.

A'wra best - Kate

What I like most about this is that feeling of claustrophobia in the opening chapters, with a young couple in love and not concerned with anything beyond each other.

Then there's that feeling of pottering around together in a foreign place, just being enchanted by the fact that you're walking unfamiliar streets. I recently took a trip with my fiance to Florence and it definitely had that feel to it.

I was obviously pleased when Don and Jen arrived in Scotland. This was the first time that I've had a romantic image of Glasgow Central Station and it was nice to get a bit of acurately rendered Scots dialogue in there.

Things get at there most interesting towards the end of what is posted here - I won't give details so as to avoid spoling the read for anyone else - but there's a distinct change in atmosphere and emotion from the light-heartedness of the opening chapters, with Don and Jen being dragged back into the real world after their trip. It's a clever change of pace and a good idea to take the reader through deeper emotions.

If I can offer some technical advice I think it would be that you don't need as much description of the travel from one place to another - on the train etc. - as it may get a little repetitive for the reader.

In the opening chapters there are also quite a lot of verbs and adverbs used to describe the dialogue which are not really necessary and could slow down the pace for your reader. It's usually best to stick to one or two 'he said/she saids' per exchange, so long as the speaker is clear. And sometimes the verb or adverb is unnecessary since the way the speaker talks is clear from the dialogue itself. As an exampe, from chapter 2:

Jen, hesitantly, "Um.. juice please."

Here 'hesitantly' isn't necessary since the 'Um...' makes that clear anyway.

That being said, it was nice to have a wee read of something set in the old country and to let my head roam around there for a while. Best of luck with the books - and the guest house. Let me know when it opens, I may just swing by on one of my visits home.

Best,

Ross

Just Out of Sight sounds very encouraging. I will try to have a read. Thanks for your encouragement on A Spring Rain. This is the sequel to Jenny's Rain. Not sure if you read the pitch or parts of Jenny's Rain - would be good to familiarise yourself with the characters. - Kate

It sounds like the kind of vacation that anyone might enjoy through the first couple of chapters. I will continue on with my read. I have given you top stars and look forward to backing your book. Let me know what you think of "Just Out of Sight". My book is non fictional and is meant to lighten the heart and mind.
Craig (Bandof1)