panties for sale

The blurb for this book caught my eye a while back! The rest of the MS is a page turner and really well written. I like the diary technique, it's something I've also used (great minds think alike) :-) It's a good way to get in to the characters heads and keeps the reader interested. I'm reading through this and will add you to my shelf in the next few days. Starred in the mean time. Keep up the good work! x

sometimes it is the writing itself, sometimes the plot, and sometimes it is the subject matter and the author's focus that gives a story punch and interest, after reading the first five chapters i think the latter mostly for this story at this point, though the writing is good and the plot seems to be developing well, i will star it high, keep it on the watchlist, the diary is a clever and good vehicle to get into angela's head, i think the story is character driven and getting the characters' view points is necessary, the dressing scenes are revealing (in more ways than one), by the way i like the title, sex sells and selling sex is redundanlty intriquing, guys want it women have it everything should be so easy shouldn't it, maybe not

Very dark but so compelling. Excellent.

Mattie

Most people start critiquing from chapter one so I decided to start at chapter 8 just in case you haven't had too many crits this far into the book.

I won't be able to comment on plot because I have not read the beginning chapters but I should be able to gauge the pace and other elements of writing.

so reading on in chapter 8 I gather the two girls are escorts ... and at this point Chieko is experienced and Alex has her first appointment the following day? The pacing was really good in this chapter and I enjoyed the narrative voice.

1. "Yes," laughed Alex. Laugh does not describe the dialogue and therefore is not a dialogue tag. So you'd have to put a period after Yes. and capitalize L ...

2. Same for smiled as in "You try," Alex smiled, etc... Should be "You try." Alex smiled. "Bring it up ..." (there are more instances of this later in the chapter ... eg. Chieko smiled.

Chapter 9
Cheiko is off to her appointment ... lol. I've only started reading this book from chapter 8 and now I'm like, man, I think I need to go to the beginning ... its so interesting. one of those guilty pleasure reads. you can sense trouble on the horizon and are just dying to see it happen! lol.

As for Ahmed "Sunday morning service for one ... damn, I want to be part of that religion ... this had me lol and I can just see Ahmed licking his lips ... very vivid!

W(h)y this strange little room? Why was it all so white? ( you omitted H)

Damn diggety!!! the butler comes in without knocking? lol what if he'd seen her undressed. then dude comes out of a bookshelf when Cheiko is Eliza Doolittle with her tea cup and her pinky in the air (ha ha - love this).

this is a page turner. I have to go back to page one and see how this story starts ... oh my! i'm still shocked at what poor Cheiko had to go through ... the things women will do ... *sigh*

All the best with this. I've rated it for now :o) Keep on writing and entertaining the masses!!!

Hi Mattie

Finally getting round to you :)

OK, you can write. Your flow is nice and this was not quite what I was expecting for some reason. You have a dark underbelly going on here, which is just up my street. However, having said that, you have some truly epic paragraphs in here which can make it pretty hard to read, so I'd look at cutting these away if it were me.

Also, the first chapter felt a bit slow. You set the scene well, but almost a little too well. It felt like you had too much information in there, which could be stripped back to keep the tension going.

But, I liked this, and I also liked the quotes at the beginning.

Silva

Mattie I got to chapter seven but after that it wouldnt load anymore, so I had to stop. I'm a bit jury's out on this. It either has to be far raunchier or have another element. Its a bit tell not show. Where is the feelings of reveulsion the after tase that wont go away. The nitty gritty. I think you could make far more of this and get more reaction from your readers. I do agree with Andi there is a lot of overwriting here and there it needs a bit more punch. Best of luck Sue

Knowing Liam Riley

Hi Mattie,
It's taken me a while to get to your book, but I found a bit of time. I think you writing is strong. Your description of the neighborhood at the start is very vivid. I do think there's some overwriting going on, with more examples than are necessary to get the point across. If it's an authonomy formatting problem (which I have experienced) forgive me, but I find your paragraphs overly long, which is offputting to the reader. You have the makings of a really good story, and it's clear that you have the writing chops to pull it off. I've given you a bunch of stars, and wish you all the best with this.
And now, if you have the time, would love your take on Animal Cracker.
Best,
Andi

Dear Mattie,

With fascinating a title, “panties for sale”, I have always been passing by your book, but promising myself to peek at one time.

I have read through your pitch and chapter 1,

-- You spelt it out well in the pitch saying, “Seduced by a big chunk of cheese, a mouse will willingly walk deep into a trap. Lost in the pleasure of enjoying its prize, it won’t even notice when the trap door is shut, locking it inside the cage. Only when the mouse has finished the cheese, will it turn around and try to leave the cage.”

-- “Did she even know what she was getting herself into?” - Yes and no.

Your work is very well laid down, choosing the most suitable words, well orchestrated …


I can only expect smooth flow to the last chapter, 57. Five stars.

If it isn’t too hard, drop a comment on my “Destined To Triumph”

Thank you in advance.

Yours sincerely,

Julius Babyetsiza

Well, this is my first story reading about an escort service. Not sure what to make of it. I read the first several chapters and the last two. I wanted to take a look at this because I saw it on Mr. Grassroots site and I liked the title. I guess I was expecting more of a coming-on-age story (no pun intended) and this is darker than that.
Best of luck.
Roberta

Whoa, I just read 57 chapters in two hours... this is so good!! My 'deranged' mind approves!
It's a dirty, mysterious, seductive reality that you've put together here and by god, do you pull it off?! It works so well! Chieko's a good strong character, with a fire in her that you just know resides under her "submissive" exterior. Alex is great, the stronger one that isn't. Angela is brilliant, a good laugh, a hardened and life-wise Madam with a sly sense of humour. Ahmed's a great addition too... didn't see that coming!! :D
And oh, my, gosh, that realisation Chieko has at the end... wow, now I did NOT expect that... and the guy, what was it, Randolph? Angela's guy? Was he tied in with them by any chance? No? You just kind of mention him and then he disappears. Am I reading too much into it?
Maybe that mystery's half of the charm!!
You've a couple of mistakes - sometimes there's a word missing, some of your speech marks are on the wrong part of the sentence (eg. "No, "Alex said, instead of "No," Alex said.) and there's one point when you're missing out a whole sentence... in the cafe when they're discussing the clean guy and Chieko says "You think that's great?", you haven't actually put Alex saying anything!!
Apart from that, this is an exceptional book, with a new sharp edge to a world that is usually skirted around, looked at from a very different angle. This is a gem of a book.
Just wow.

Amy
x

Wow ... ive read on through a lot of this now and I have to admit i did keep skipping forward to the next chapter and on and on... it really is a mesmerising story.

I think you have captured the girls well, their uneasyness at the start and the way that they grow into the job. Some of the descriptive prose that you use is nothing short of brilliance but there is a lot of untervention by the narrator - you and sometimes a lack of dialogue. I would change it up a little.

I love the introduction of alex's diary and gives you and ideal way of adding an extra dimension to her character. Again with the additon of the repeat male characters and the dark and mysterious Joseph they show the differences of men and that an escort is not just for one thing.

This story has one hell of a twist and no im not gonna write it here, people should just read and enjoy. Yes it is deep and dark material to work with but there is something else going on in this story, the blossoming of these two young escorts, developing into strong beautiful women.

I will def read the chapters Ive missed
Cx

Mattie, You sure can write. Great job. I have read a couple dozen chapters and I intend to complete. Not my most read genre, but I love great writing. This book will be published. Mr. Grassroots.

Wow! I have read chapter 1 and I love it. The writing style. The way I was immediately pulled into the story. The clear and precise descriptive elements. The natural, well written dialogue. The emotions.

I am especially intrigued because I am also all about women's empowerment. And since everybody is not going to pick up a non-fiction book that is possibly beating you over the head with these life lessons, we do have to figure out a way to make it interesting, still communicating self-esteem and self worth. Fiction is that vehicle. And you seem to be doing an excellent job of that.

I look forward to reading more and I wish you the best.

Stella-Grace Taylor
ANONYMOUS GIFT GIVER

The story is well told as it follows the women into the world of escort services, which is rather eye opening. The writing is done well, and the snippets of the diary, shows the story from both sides, Angela's twisted mind, and the hesitation of both women stepping into the trade. The story flows well, the descriptions and setting are wonderful, leading the reader along. You have a gift in telling a story, although some information can be left out which doesn't move the story forward. I also cut alot of the narrative and back story from my own book, since dialogue moves the story faster-you might consider using more of it.

It was an usual read, but I found myself turning the pages wondering how each would adapt. Very interesting subject.

Backed and rated! Good luck,

Wendy
'And When'

HI,
I really like the writing, and you obviously have talent. I found the subject matter disturbing, and althought I only read a couple of chapters, it seemed designed to titillate, which didn't interest me. I also found it a bit overwritten - too much detail in the descriptions. You do description well, but I wanted less of it, in the interest of moving the story along.
I'd love for you to take a look at Animal Cracker. Thanks for considering.
Andi

Already knowing what the story would entail i had to read on and got to chapter four couldn't stop. Having lived in Toronto for years am aware of downtown Toronto. Your description is superb! Plan on coming back to read more! well done
Red

Panties For Sale.
By Mattie York.

You give the reader an excellent description of the neighborhood as Alex walks along Simcoe Street.
Houses with their own characters…different brickwork…wicker chairs and baseball nets.
I picture a nice community here, I want to read on.
…Walking in stiletto books…(Boots)?
I would use capitals for HELLO! To emphasize calling out to the owner of the house.
“Were you waiting long? I’m so sorry,” The woman replied…: - Period after sorry and start a new paragraph.
…as she closed the heavy oak door behind them and then bolted it :- remove (then), not required.
…“Forgive me, I am Angela”… “Forgive me, I’m Angela”.
Once again, a good description of the surroundings, as Alex follows Angela upstairs and enters the office.
Liked the gold plated, oval mirror, over the bed… with the cupid faces peeking out.
Well, Mattie, you certainly have an interesting book here.
I’ve enjoyed reading what I have so far, will get back to it again, it’s very intriguing and I need to know more.
Pleased to star rate your book. Well done!!

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE.

This is a million miles from my usual read, but it is clearly very well written and I am happy to back it. The characterization is good, the dialogue realistic and the descriptions excellent. Good luck with this.

You have a terrific way with descriptive details. This is not the kind of book I usually read, but I wanted to see what you were up to. I'm giving it some stars and encouraging you to keep writing. When you have a few minutes could I ask you to look at my book. Thanks.

Panties for Sale by Mattie York: ‘Stiletto books’ really caught my eye in the opening scene of Chapter 1. Angela’s pink office with a King sized canopy bed and the escort interview was expertly told. ‘But we’re not hookers. No.” What a heartrending statement. Angela’s illustration of the type of men they service is so fascinating and gives a remarkable insight into how these women think. I will definitely be back to read more. For now rated and commented. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Wow – this has left me with some very mixed emotions. The subject matter is so heavy, almost heart breaking to read, but the quality of the language is incredible.

I was literally in a trance as I read. The opening paragraph disturbed me and I knew the depts. of the book I was being pulled into, and although I try to avoid this type of book (purely because I become too emotional) I just couldn’t stop reading.

You are fabulously talented writer. You set the scene effortlessly and the reader can’t help but be transported into the story.

Your dialogue is so real. I could almost hear the conversations between characters play out loud in my head. You have captured the art of conversation and transformed it wonderfully into letters and words that jump at you from the page.

Your characters are vivid and almost painfully real. I actually found myself wanting to shout at Alex not to go into the house at the start because I knew what faced her. I wanted to protect her as if she was real. That is an incredible testament to your powerful writing.

Angela is some peace of work. You have shaped her very well and her diary entries are a clever tool to help us get inside her twisted head.

I have read seven chapters so far and I’m completely engrossed in the story. I have to come back for more. If there is a need for edit, I'm sorry, I was too wrapped up in the story to spot it.

This is an undeniably heavy story but your pitch prepared me well. Powerful reading. I don’t know if enjoyable is the right word to used here but I was certainly blown away by the quality of the writing. It’s like a horror movie, you watch it, even though you know you’re in for terror that will have your heart pounding. Great job.

Janny

Well. I read through your entire book. Books about sex and prostitution are not really my thing, in fact, it sickens me a little, and its hard for me to read all of it.
But you definitly have writing talent, there is no denying that.
The story line is original, realistic and different. The writing flows and the descriptions are good.
I was shocked at the end when I foun dout saul and joseph were the same, that was pretty genuis on your part.
Truthfully though, this isn't really just one of those stories, there are many lessons here.
I will not back your book because of the subject matter, but I will star rate it for your talent

Dear mattie, I love that your are telling what really does happen, almost from the beginning of time. :) I've never sold my body, but in my 20's, as you'll see in my memoirs, some guys have forced me & then I thought they'd marry me, but they didn't - so it's just the way it is - live & learn. :) I love that your pitch prepared me for Alex & Chieko's experiences & made me want to see how they ended up :) - your crisp dialogue & paragraphs kept me reading all the way through chapter 57 to see how your book would end? :) I was glad to see that your book is "complete" because a lot on authonomy aren't & I write my own ending in my mind. :) I love your quotes in chapter 1 & I love Molly Ringwald in "Sixteen Candles" - isn't she fantastic? :) "....cheap imitation of the real thing" was a wonderful phrase. :) Hope you'll write many more amazing books. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist, to back for at least 24 hours when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :) - click on author's name, scroll down & click on their book cover or title, & go from there :)
None of this comment is copy/pasted & is written my best from my heart. :)

:) comment to follow after I've read your book :)