TRAV ZANDER

Lexie I've only read the first three chapters so far, but I'm loving it and know I want to put it on my shelf now. Your heros, Trav and the dragon are both gentle souls, even a little naive and our hearts immediately go out to them. Your villain Carl, is deliciously nasty and the tale unfolds beautifully. I can see that complexities are about to enter and I'm looking forward to reading on. I can't imagine any publisher not wanting to publish this.

Jen (Play or Die)

It can't be easy to write something that draws the reader in (reluctantly on my part, I confess) so effortlessly. The opening dialogue is genius. Travis and the dragon win us over quickly and we get sucked in. I worked hard to find something more constructive or helpful, and wasn't able. It is just plain, enjoyable storytelling. Brilliant stuff. Simon

Trav Zander

Lexi,

I'm assuming you wanted me to agree to a read swap, although I never did receive your message - just the notice that you'd sent one.

I chose this novel out of the three, as it looked as though it was rather far behind the other two in the ratings. And I'm so glad I did. What an enthralling read. If I were a teenager I would buy this for myself for Christmas.

You have that rare gift of hooking the reader not only with your pitch, but with your first sentence, and then with every sentence after that. It's called being a born story-teller. And I wish I could put my finger on the one elusive ingredient that makes this possible.

Excellent dialogue, especially between Trav and the young dragon, but equally between Trav and Carl. Your prose flows smoothly adding to the joy of this read.

Backed with great pleasure.

Best wishes, and good luck with this one.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Trav Zander--
Lexi,
I'm here returning a read for Patrick (Shakespeare's Cuthbert). Thanks so much for reading his work.
I was more than happy to see not one but two gold star books on your page, then even happier to read about Trav and the dragon. I keep saying as I've been here on authonomy that I'm not a fantasy person, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop saying that. I quite like the fantasy books. Well the good ones anyway. That would include this wonderful book.
I began to read - and it wasn't like 'starting' a book - it was as if I'd been reading this book for quite some time. There was NO settling into it. BAM... I knew Trav and was engrossed in his journey.
The dragon....oh how well you've created this being. Such personality. I loved the rambling that Trav spouted off as he talked to her. Priceless. And the bond that is automatically felt between the two of them, as she shares part of herself with him. I loved it. Right then and there I would have sat, book in hand and read the entire thing from cover to cover. This is excellent. I don't have have anything to add that could or would make this better.
Excellent!
On my shelf.
~Krista Darrach
--Riley's Gift

Hooked before I had even finished chapter one. Smart, playful, unique, intriguing, pithy... a thoroughly entertaining read that absolutely deserves to find the printed page. I look quite forward to enjoying the full story. Shelved for sure...
Dawn (Cockaigne)

Lexi -

Trav Zander - enchanting story, inspired writing. I love Trav, the freelance solver of problems and wish him the best of success in the story world of the young.

Pia, Course of Mirrors)

Your captivating fantasy flows well. Realistic dialogue. Memorable characters. Brilliant ambiance. Twists and turns that capture the imagination. An intriguing storyline. Effective world building. Well presented. Backed.

Dear Lexi


Just loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Dear Lexi, I thought I had commented on & backed this book, but didn't find my comment, will do it now. :) I LOVE fantasy (& dragons is a good mix), so this book is for me. It's as well written as your other 2. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I've backed all 3 of your books :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :)
Love, Susie :)

Hello Lexi. Might I ask you if you could find time to read some of my short childrens' book called Adventures of the Paperbats. I notice that you have been through the editors desk [twice] and also head books published. As a result, I would take it as a great favour if you could give me some feedback.
Hopefully as an exchange my teenage son is at present reading the first few chapters of Trav Zander; so you should get some feedback striaght from the horses mouth!
Many thanks if you can oblige. Jerry [paperbat]

I've got to admit I've been more than a little obsessed by dragons since I was young. So I had to come and have a look through your book. :)

I enjoy your writing style quite a lot. It's v readable + has a real warmth to it.

Trav's an appealing character, slightly at odds with his world and himself. And the stobborn, child-like dragon is a joy. Then of course there's Carl of Thrales, who we know damn well is a wrong'un from his 1st scene. ;)

It's no surprise when Carl reneges on the deal. We want to boo and hiss. But I'm sure the dastardly villain will get his comeuppance by the end of the book. :)

I think this is a lovely book. I'm more than happy to back it and hope it comes to the notice of a pulisher soon. :)

Pete

Hubby is enjoying this.
Backed with pleasure.
Lizzie Scott :-)

You have crafted a most captivating storyline and your use of short paragraphs and crisp dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your use of imagery is excellent and your character development of Trav is well done. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

05 August 2010
I won't endear myself to many aficionados of the fantasy genre but I was pleasantly surprised and encouraged to read more on discovering an adult fantasy novel. I use the term adult with reference to the standard of prose and humour and not, I hasten to add, any erotic content. This work, has for me, an original take on the whole genre ---Mickey Spillane does Camelot. I like the wry, self deprecatory take of the narrator and the underlying humour. The plot does not meander and Trav does not drag his feet after accepting the assignment. The whole work is chockfull of originality as are the consequences of Trav's meeting with Seraphine. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

Very interesting read, found truly entertaining and I only read 2 chapters. I hope this makes it on some editor's desk if not Harper Collins then someone else.
Backed!

NJ Capaldi
Crescent Heart

Backed
Splinker
B.D.S.T.

This is a pleasant tale with a light touch. Good work -- I've got your back.
Please consider taking a look at my book, The Job.
Craig

This is an imaginative story. Zander is a good character because he's bold and fearless, but also is being set up and that makes him vulnerable and sympathetic. It's obvious you've lived in this fantasy world for a long time before you wrote this because you describe it well - and that makes it sound real. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

TRAV ZANDER

Truth, I was looking to find out what you needed to get them goldy star things and I found this gem. I remember nearly choking on my very English cup of tea. This is a great start to a story.
I think what impressed me the most was the balance of narrative and dialogue – the show and tell. The characterisation is to die for. I’d settle for being able to write like this, forget the stars!

I love the opening of this piece, and I have to say the dialogue makes it. The overall tone of anxiety and distrust over the finding of a dragon pulls the readers right in, and I'll be back to read more :)

Backed.
Abi xxx
"Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules were made to be broken." - Relic

I wasn't sure I would like this but I was easily sucked into the plot and really enjoyed reading it. I can see it appealing to my nephews and hope it is snapped up quickly. All the best and backed with pleasure.

Anna
Born on Friday 13th

Very clever. I enjoyed this a lot. backed with pleasure.

This is very polished. With the exception of the subject matter - I see no need for it to a YA novel. As I try to do with each read, (and yes I actually read them) I read the first chapter and then skip head to see if the author has front loaded the work.

Here's my observation: Your word choices become increasingly more difficult as I move along. You increase the vocabulary. And I thought, I wonder if she's made a conscious choice. Yet it's so consistent that I think you have made that choice. Wow. That's a mastery of words. Good for you. So not only do you invite your young readers into an engage, you also educate them. Very deft.

Mark R. Trost
"Post Marked."

I only had time to read chapter one and find myself waiting with expectation to see Seraphina and Trav get out of this trouble. Drew me in and kept me reading. Congratulations on the gold stars. Good luck with this. Backed.
Jenny

It can't be easy to write something that draws the reader in (reluctantly on my part, I confess) so effortlessly. The opening dialogue is genius. Travis and the dragon win us over quickly and we get sucked in. I worked hard to find something more constructive or helpful, and wasn't able. It is just plain, enjoyable storytelling. Brilliant stuff. Simon

TRAV ZANDER – I tend to focus on the pitch first to aid concentration. The opening line is good enough but I would have liked a dragon with a difference, most immediately. This is because there are many dragons on this site and also the same image has been used before I think. Just the odd word would have helped… ‘irate dragon’, ‘petulant dragon’, or ‘Seraphine, the-very-good-at-fire-breathing dragon’ etc.

I didn’t like the next paragraph but I do not know about pitching to younger groups and you will. But maybe the ‘you’ could be removed and become ‘Trav’ instead?

I like this: “Trav Zander is a freelance solver of problems.” - assuming the younger groups will understand what a freelancer is. I do regrettably.

I especially love this bit:
“His latest job, for the appealingly large fee of fifty thousand ducats, is to locate the dragon in the mountains, and bring it to Carl of Thrales, inheritor of the kingdom of Ser. Carl wants the ultimate weapon; a warrior dragon.”

The last line promises intrigue.

Ch1; great opening line. The description of Carl is excellent. The dialogue is instantly loaded with credibility. Giving full authority to offer the cave-dwelling dragon anything it wants, brings a smile, so this is a tale I might like to read myself. The bargaining made me laugh [again my knowledge of freelancing]. Some great lines ‘the smile that wanted to spread itself all over his face.’

I fancy Trav. He could be a young Ford Harrison. Before he gets to the 43rd cave, I wonder if it is worth doing a scan around the environment where the authors spans outwards across the landscape and gives the reader a firm idea of the location.

The dragon’s first sentence was very, very charming. Maybe Trav’s reply does not match. When they warm to each other, it is again charming.

When the dragon gives Trav a lift back to the castle, this would make an excellent cover.

Overall I would love to read this. Not sure if it is a bit too sophisticated for young teenagers. You need to get off your butt and give cover and pitch a facelift. Even if you enjoy this site, you should be doing something proactive to get this book looked at by agents.

Could also make a good animation.

hahah great opening, I don't think only YA's would enjoy reading this, I liked it :)

An interesting adventure. I like the dragon and Travis. The story line seems authentic for the times and well written. I like Pom and Snap. All interesting characters. Best of luck with it.

A compelling fantasy with original characters and natural dialogue. The best thing I like about this book is Lexi's voice which keeps you entertained and glued. I wish you every success with this, Sana

Lexi, I've read the first chapter of Trav Zander. Good writing all around. The only thing I could spot was an apparently superfluous sentence. [Feeling thirsty, he got out his water bottle and had a drink.] I'd take out the "feeling thirsty" part. It seems like an almost clumsy add on.

Happy to back this book.

Regards,

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This is a very enjoyable book, and very suited to its YA audience. Your plot is exciting, and you grip us straightaway with Trav's agreement with Carl to catch a dragon for fifty thousand ducats. The meeting between Trav and Seriphine is beautifully written, with Seraphine coming across as a real three dimensional character, just as Trav has already done. The relationship between Trav and Kit is very moving. The affection which has grown up between Trav and Seraphine is also very sweet. I hope things are going to develop between Trav and Isolda, since there seems to be little hope of anything going well with Katrin. Davenant also is emerging as an interesting character who may have a role to play. Your writing is polished and witty, and you move the plot on at a good fast pace. A book to enjoy. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

I was hooked from the first word and I don't generally read fantasy. This work is a fantastic voyage that the reader takes without even realizing it. C W

"or will any dragon do?" Well, I have a couple you might like. You would think that to be the response and off goes the story. "If he wants you as a fighting dragon, I don't see . . ." This is a very enjoyable read. I'd love to have a dragon with which to pal around. Please, though, don't breathe fire on me.

I'm hooked.
I love the dialogue.

You've hooked me.
Shelved for further reading

Lexie I've only read the first three chapters so far, but I'm loving it and know I want to put it on my shelf now. Your heros, Trav and the dragon are both gentle souls, even a little naive and our hearts immediately go out to them. Your villain Carl, is deliciously nasty and the tale unfolds beautifully. I can see that complexities are about to enter and I'm looking forward to reading on. I can't imagine any publisher not wanting to publish this.

Jen (Play or Die)

A very engaging and readable story. You have a good eye for characters and story that your YA audience will love. Although I'm no great reader of YA fantasy I can see this would do well in the market.

A few observations though, if I may.
I feel that sometimes you have a tendancy to over explain in the narration and also in a couple of cases in the dialog. Less might be more and I think the readers would grasp what is intended quite easily.
Secondly, be careful about POV. I got the feeling from CH1 that it was supposed to be through Trav's POV but it wanders occasionally. If the story is intended to be multiple POV then I would make that more obvious as soon as possible. The jumps into another POV can be jarring to the reader if they are only occasional.
I love the first line though, how could you not read on when you read it?
Backed with pleasure.
Tim.

Well, this is something! I don't pretend to have read it all, just the opening 6 chs. and some others. But it makes a strong impression. Very funny. How funny that the dragon turns out to be a chick! Trav is an excellent character, indeed they are all good portraits - Carl a most convincing nasty toff. Isolda is sex-on-legs ( though so far as I could see, quite proper) The politics a fine mixture of deceit and humour. It feels like a very good story, though it was rather like reading by lightning - flash and bang. An obvious success. You might well chose to edit if down a little, here and there, but Ihaven't read enough to make worthwhile suggestions. Backed, of course DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE

Lexi, the relationship between Trav and the dragon is irresistible. YA will devour this.They'll be with Trav every step of his beautifully-described way. A great adventure.Shelved. Lynn

Don't have much to add for the critique, but I did want to mention ... I don't know your earlier story, but I was actually a little confused in the very opening. I couldn't quite figure out who was speaking when, and in whose POV the story was being told. Other than that, I liked the way you grew the characters and the direction the story was taking.
backed
- Genevieve
p.s. I'd love to see what you think of my book, Under The Same Sky

Trav Zander

Lexi,

I'm assuming you wanted me to agree to a read swap, although I never did receive your message - just the notice that you'd sent one.

I chose this novel out of the three, as it looked as though it was rather far behind the other two in the ratings. And I'm so glad I did. What an enthralling read. If I were a teenager I would buy this for myself for Christmas.

You have that rare gift of hooking the reader not only with your pitch, but with your first sentence, and then with every sentence after that. It's called being a born story-teller. And I wish I could put my finger on the one elusive ingredient that makes this possible.

Excellent dialogue, especially between Trav and the young dragon, but equally between Trav and Carl. Your prose flows smoothly adding to the joy of this read.

Backed with great pleasure.

Best wishes, and good luck with this one.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

Wonderful story. The opening is excellent and it only gets better from there. Shelved.

Update - I've finished the entire thing in one sitting. It's that good. I can see everything in my mind as it happens, from the debaucherous party and the tainted wine to the bar ruffians dealing with the outsider. I wish you well, and looking at your other books, I see you've got a good track record.

Dear Lexi Revellian,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your greatest strength lies in your characterization of Trav. I’m immediately drawn to him, for making a joke even when maybe he shouldn’t and for regretting not dressing smarter and for undercharging and for losing Katrin because of it. I snorted a laugh at “Well within roasting range”. I also appreciate that you waste no time in bringing Trav to the dragon, on affair I’d assumed I’d have to wait chapters to see. Seraphine is a nice dragon name, and I like how you make her feminine. You have a great description of the dragon, and I wish you could expand it just a smidge because I have trouble imagining a dragon with “pleasing curves.”

You ramp up the tension in your pitch, then leave me with a cliffhanger knowing that for his efforts, Trav may end up in prison. In my fallible opinion, you could make your pitch even stronger by removing the ellipses, which I found distracting. Also, you may have heard that it’s risky to start your story out with dialog; I’m happy to say that your opening two lines are so interesting that I believe they work. However, your third and fourth lines may lose some of the momentum; you might wish to consider excising them so the reader can sooner get to your great description of Carl “lolling on the throne”.

These are small matters, and I enjoyed your story and so will many young adults. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

Not what I expected, but I've sure become attached to the dragon and Trav's relationship already. I've only read Chapter one, and there's a lot of work that still needs to be done on the expression of it, as in my own, but this is a good story idea and I like it.

Madison Woods - Retribution

Critique wise, I'm not sure what more I can add to this so I will only say that I think the premise is interesting and I will support this. Backed.

This has publishable written all over it. Imaginative, rich, accessible; there is no reason why someone wouldn't enjoy this. It is clearly very well planned out, the characters and the world they inhabit are effortlessly flawless. Good luck with it.

Andrew

The first convo between Trav and Carl was so light and witty. Love Trav. All in all, love your chapter one. I know someone who has the same kind of issue with money, and I found it hilarious. Btw, Seraphine - great name. Can't wait to read more!

This is great. Loved the bit about Trav wondering if he was charging enough - I so sympathised - loved the awkward conversation with the dragon, too.

The narrative bundles along nicely, I enjoyed reading it, it's well written, slick and compelling. The only thing you might do is, where you change the POV for example, from Trav to the two guards, either have a new chapter or some asterisks. Just a thought.

Otherwise, just the kind of stuff I like to read, fantasy which is accessible to non geeks. Shelved.

Cheers

Mary Mc
Few are Chosen - comic fantasy

Now I can see why you've been so successful on this site. The depth of your imagination is staggering and something which I very much admire. A lot of work has gone into this and you should be proud of your achievements. Happily shelved. Clare (Second Lives)

Reading your one not-yet-gold-star novel, Lexi. 'taken together, they were not' clever observation; pity Trav doesn't pay it more heed. Underestimating costs has bedevilled mankind since bartering began, so my sympathies to this Professional Risk-taker. Stubborn dragon, is Seraphine, and impulsive ... and intuitive 'I don't like him' ... neither do I, but he's a great villain. Hah, the dragon has imprinted on Trav. The action is impressively written; I could see Trav's antics at trying to escape. 'He's a nice child' ... sneaky trick. I'm wondering who the woman is. 'Saves valuable time in the morning' he's a neat sense of humour. Mm now wondering where Pom et al fit in. Corfe has a worse anger management problem than Snap. Northwood and Carl conniving. Isolda seems his main weakness. I'm relieved that Katrin won the day re the rescue.

This is storytelling at its finest, the words bring the scenes to life, involve the senses, tickle the funny bone, worry, scare and baffle us. The fact that it's a fantasy with a dragon is neither here nor there really ... though it's a very nice dragon ... the characters are real enough to make us react emotionally to them. On my shelf.

It's hard not to read books about dragons (particularly gorgeous female dragons) without thinking Eragon, but I have to say I much prefer your writing! I really enjoyed this (and I'm not a huge fan of straight fantasy) - you write in a lovely easy style that gently pulls the reader along.
My only quibble - as with many books on Authonomy, my own included - is the very beginning. I think you need to establish right upfront that we're in Trav's POV. Wouldn't take much, just a slight reordering of a sentence or two. For eg, (and just a suggestion) - Trav stared evenly at him while Carl's eyes raked him up and down......
He knew who Carol was - a twenty-something who had inherited.....
Just hold our hands a little right at the beginning.
Then it totally settles and we're off and by heck don't we all want a dragon of our own?
Very happy to back this...
Jane
(Walker)

I am really enjoying your story. I've only gotten through a few chapters, but I'm hooked. You characters have a lot of - well, character. Having Trav be a bit older, with a son and an ex, is a nice change from the normal "boy meets dragon" stories out there. I am looking forward to the rest of the story.

JR Self
Isis McGee & the Differlings

I like sci-fi and fantasy and especially Anne McCaffrey and have lots of her dragon books. (The Dragon of Pern). So your book is interesting for me.

‘Carl was in his mid twenties…throne’ - for me this does not flow well. I was not sure about the whole paragraph and it felt like it was almost from Trav’s POV but not quite. Then ‘Apparently shelving doubts’ confused me on whose POV.
‘You can rely…’ In this para, I know it is Trav’s POV.
You write ‘and the one thing everyone knows about dragons is they’re big and breathe fire…’ if everyone know it, why state it? Maybe some mention about - the risks of being trampled to death or burnt alive makes it expensive - would portray the message better.
Saying ‘I don’t know you’ to a ‘Super-rich ruler’ is rude and does not add up. He would have found out in advance. You mention Trav and Zander, personally I would stick to one name. You could mention his full name earlier though.
You mention forty thousand ducats. I was in banking and have experience of most of the different currencies in the world, I did not get a feel for its worth. Forty thousand US dollars is worth much more than forty thousand Japanese Yen. Give us an idea of what he could buy with it with his thoughts. “Hmm twenty horses – drink myself silly for year.” ‘a bag of coins’ is this a lot or a little?
‘The dragon hesitated’ - ‘Seraphine hesitated’ makes her more personable (dragonable). The dragon wouldn’t breath fire while it was talking’ You have already given her a sex ‘ maybe ‘she was talking’.

I liked your story and the end of the first chapter with the obvious bonding of the dragon to Trav. I think this still needs some work before it reaches the editors desk. Young adults tend to bond better with characters of their own age and it seems Trav seems to be too old. I wish you luck with your book and will add it to my w/l for now.
Tony

Hi Lexi, your writing wins the day. Because this was outside of my genre, I had intended to read only enough to comment on style and voice etc. Those were both excellent, but right from the get go (the very first sentence), I was pulled in and kept turning pages, a sign of a very talented writer. I'm happy to give it a bit of time on my shelf.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

You are right, Lexi. I don't care for fantasy, but I love your story! (Don't feel bad, I can't breathe fire either)
Wonderfully written! Best Regards, Jedward (Brünnhilde)