Book Jacket

 

rank 5069
word count 14441
date submitted 23.11.2010
date updated 23.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller
classification: universal
incomplete

The Leading Man

David B. Hydes

Horrendous childhood events bring Teddy an altered reality. Life is a movie. THEY are the directors. Extras die; Leading men live.

 

A psychotic boy must master the movie of life to save the only thing he has left, his little sister Amy. Through his therapist, the television, he unlocks the mystery of life. Life is an infinite movie wherein leading men survive and extras suffer and die horrible deaths. Teddy must become a leading man to save Amy; but it seems THEY always present him with more requirements. So much is expected of a leading man. Must Teddy kill extras to obtain leading status? Can he? The questions frighten him; the answers haunt him.

 
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tags

psychodrama, thriller

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2 comments

 

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Rheagan wrote 526 days ago

Hello David,
This is written with a practised style, smooth flowing and engaging. It is highly readable and involving. I doubt anyone who reads the first few paragraphs wouldn’t be interested to find out why we’re off to the Psychiatric Hospital, again. This is a powerful story, but I wonder if the changes in pace are quite what you intended. There are parts, usually when a gun is involved, that are vivid, frightening and fast, maybe the pace drops off too much between them? However, I’m nit-picking, and I don’t have the right (I remain unpublished after all). Although I did notice a tiny typo, ‘a great melancholy to swept over me’. Oh, and for what it’s worth, in Europe policeman don’t wear blouses, unless they’re policewoman, or a tad unorthodox. Just a thought. This is going to be a great read, backed with pleasure.
Rheagan Greene - Unwelcome Consequences

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Benjamin Dancer wrote 548 days ago

Great opening.

Excellent image. I'd drop the last sentence in paragraph 1. It's stronger without it.

A lot of great hooks: preferring prison, etc

section break

The bullet wound is gruesome

"their plan" his POV is starting to make sense

The disintegration of the family is well presented

Even better: the awakening.

You manage to build a lot of empathy for a character I'm sure will challenge the reader's good will in the pages to come.

I do want to provide another thought in your messages.

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