Third Zoo from the Sun

I'm bunging this on my book shelf right now - so funny and cynical, love it. Will come back and read some more of these. 'How Touching Anything Can Kill You' by Glenn Beck is a stroke of genius; I wonder if I can buy it on Amazon? Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'

I went for #3. Started laughing at the first sentence. Read it twice.

Second paragraph had me laughing out loud

I started think you should submit to The Onion. You've thought of that, haven't you?

Like him to death--another good line

Went for another ch 4

These are really funny. I wish you success with this

I read your first three stories.

General comments: Thought-provoking as well as humorous. Relentless wit. Fresh. Clever. And much of it was laugh-out-loud material. Good visuals. Excellent pacing.

Specific comments on "Airport Security":
1) 'Three days later, at about 7pm, a TSA security guard ... ' '7pm' should be 7 p.m.' or, better yet, 'seven p.m.'

Specific comments on "Comfortably Dumb":
1) Capitalize 'internet.' There are several instances.
2) 'Pending notification of his 84 Facebook friends ... ' Spell out all numbers 1-99.
3) 'And if you don't think I sold her picture on eBay, than you don't know much.' 'Than' should be 'then.'

Specific comments on "Home for the Hollow Days":
1) Capitalize 'internet.'
2) 'He was, I don't know, 44 inches tall, tops.' Spell out numbers 1-99.
3) "HA HA HA!" No need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with all caps. You don't want that. Use italics to emphasize words.

I hope this critique will help you further polish these all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire?"

Have a fine day.

Al

Barry,
Your book, THIRD ZOO FROM THE SUN, deserves a spot on my shelf, so I backed it. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS
MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND

Dear Barry, Thank for letting me know you added ch.26&27. :) So, I got many more over-flowing endorphins. :) "Vials of tiger blood," I even read out loud & kept laughing. :) "quantum twins" jumped out at me because I am a twin. :) I wonder what it would be like to around you 24/7? :) - I would probably be totally well, because I heard of a doctor with clinics here in Orange County, in Irvine & in TJ Mexico that heals cancer with endorphins. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. thank you for making my day :)

Some observations while I'm still in laughter-induced respiratory distress -

Chapter Two:

...hiding inkjet printers in one's underwear..." the only typo-type missing apostrophe I managed to detect - it may have been hiding in the underwear.

Chapter Three:

Incredibly funny - in the spirit of Tom Sharpe, this had me laughing so much that my computer mouse started having hiccups. If any here who remember Ephraim Kishon and his work "Look back Mrs. Lot" they will enjoy the same laughter-evoking exaggeration and unbridled humour (give horses free reign in the U.K. as the Elf and Seffety commission protects their equine rights now.)

Chapter Four:

Halloween will never be the same again - what a scream, the sentence: "He looked like a short snowboarding excommunicated stunt-nun after a bad 'black diamond' accident" almost caused a short-circuit in my limbic system.

Chapter Five:

A wonderful skit on the modern tendency towards linguistic devolution here - what, speeling and ggrammah are important in some way? With some more "education" we'll be back to Neanderthal grunts.

A tangential reference here to another tendency (especcially notable where I live) is promotion of individuals to their maximum level of incompetency - very funny!

With some more tongue-in-cheekness about cults, government, the IRS, drugs, the "final generation" and "quarterly based Sistene indulgence alowance" this had me rolling in the holy isles.

Chapter Six:

Ah, the new Health Plan, food stamps, and letting the government pay you to die, rampant obesity and big behinds. The prediction that "by the year 2020, 2 out of 3 people will be 3 out of 4 people" had me skipping lunch with a mirth-attack.

Chapter Seven:

A wonderfully humorous treatment of lists, abject stupidity, as also conjecture on how many "genders" America has "this week."

Chapter Eight:

About easy access to drugs, beer, weapons and clowns in Columbia and armadillos committing suicide out of catatonic boredom on insanely boring roads lined with apparently self-replicating McDonalds. Ghosts, pitbulls and trans-lesbian roosters.

Chapter Nine:

More "Dear Abbey Redux letters - hot-dog charity auctions, discounted meditation weekends, "holistic gastric management," and "bat-scrabbling insane Americans."

Chapter Ten:

"...the spelling skills of an oyster, but not the attention span," and the talent to hate someone without knowing anything whatsoever about them on Facebook. The suggestion that the existence of Congress is proof of the falsity of "Intelligent Design" in the universe. Maths genii holding forth on Euler's number conjectures and "asymptotic oevres" - I laughed so much here that my HP calculator battery drained itself after poking out a little mechanical hand from the display holding a sign begging "Stop! Eulerian Dysfunction @$%^!"

Overall impression:

This work is funny to a high exponential power (F x 10^23.57) and cleverly disguises medically dangerous potential to overstimulate facial muscles. Linguistically and stylistically consistent and faultless except where it's deliberate and not incidental, which is when (Oh, forget it.)

Definitely good commercial potential and I'll be back for more as soon as I've recovered from damaged jaw muscles.

Great Work Barry, thanks and congratulations!

Frank Valentyn

Barry,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

I read 14 (Lame Duck Soup), 19 (Snowblind) and 5 (Aby Redux V) for no apparent reason....lol

They are all hilariously funny....ironic...sardonic...histrionic.....downright funny

Some of my favorites:

"I have always been in the record as been firmly on the record......"
that entire paragraph is delicious nonsense

"the Vice president's response was let's, say intimate"

"surprise visit to Absurdistan..."
are you quoting here a fellow funny man?

"a liar discount..."

"world wide Botox expiration"
I am laughing on the floor!

"is that Mayan calendar...."

"Curdle date"

"like a chump on the mental image"

"Slide White Bread Restoration Fund"

"Nice Optimized Graphics"
very funny!

"shape shifted into winged monkeys"

"commit mass murder, or charge calling plans"
I am laughing!

Here is my recommendation:

Start posting bits of this as a thread on the Forum, as a way of attracting traffic to your book

Take for ex ch 14; each paragraph is pretty self sufficient. You can post one, wait for the laughs to come in then post the next one, etc....

...at around 9 am NY time if you want the Europeans or at around 7pm if you want the Canadians/Americans

Hope it helps

david

Very funny indeed

Anything that pokes fun of Sarah Palin, Bush, Beck and even Brett 'Retire, please for the love of God retire' Favre gets my vote!

There isn't much more to say really, other than 'hoozah', my good friend!!!

JB

Dear Barry, Here I am to read & comment on your last ch.25 & am so much laughing :) - totally timely on Egypt :) - "pro-something and anti-something," naming all the places in the world, plus "dorm's laundromat... fortunately the kegs were saved" :) - & I'm just cracking up :) - you really tickle me :) - so much laughter, my eyes are puddled & also sparkling. :) I really need all of these endorphins because I am so sick & they are now running rampid head to toe. :) :) :) More laughter, "The American President flew off to someplace to stand in front of some things and read some stuff to group" :) - WOW!! :) - my face hurts from laughing so much. :) "powerful historical statement, 'We'll just have to wait & see.' " You are so funny. :) I would love to be with you 24/7. :) I'd never ever be sick another day in my life. :) Did you know that endorphins can even heal cancer? :) What a climax, "So let's review where things stood" :) - what a wrap-up. :) You're hired. :) My own person endorphin maker. :) I love your humor so much, Barry. :) Love, Susie :)

Great sense of humour I'm sure this book would do well if published.

Jewels Diva
Life and Death Adventures in London

I chose chapter 8, expecting commentary on the Guns n' Roses guitarist but instead got a gender-challenged rooster and a pit bull. As many others have said...very, very funny. The poor armadillo, clutching his suicide note, was my favorite bit here. Continued with the letters of Chapter 9 and rarely a misstep here either. Funny, intelligently written, deserves an audience!

---Mary

Real tonic! Great humour and well written. Backed 199 percent plus!
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

Dear Barry - excellent, excellent, v. funny stuff: I salute you! I really hope I turn out to be the star sign 'Oh-f*ck-us'; how super would that be! Many congrats on a continuingly terrific read. Will pop you back on my WL and back on my shelf when I have a re-shuffle! All the best, Ceeds

I love you!!!!

This is very funny and great for dipping in and out of. I didn't know all the names and references, perhaps partly because I'm in the UK and also partly I am uncultured, but I liked it nonetheless! I liked chapter 10.

Amazingly amazing, you are, Barry!! :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you more than you dreamt or imagined. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please gold ******-rated my book, too? :) Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because I'm #6 on the editor's desk & have to be in the top 5 to be chosen, the end of January :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 10 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

i love the HUMOR..

I've had this backed for some time because it really makes me laugh out loud. Apparently, I forgot to comment so here I am and I will star-rate at the same time. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

THIRD ZOO FROM THE SUN

Humourous, cynical and witty.
A great book that made me laugh. Awarded a good star rating
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

THIRD ZOO FROM THE SUN

Dear Barry,
I read Math and Courting the Zombie Caucas.
I enjoyed the Zombie. It was clever, tight but also a story with character development (Have you read Will Self's book that includes afterlife dinner parties?) . Math left me too calculated! Oh was it supposed to do that? Needs more characterization for me to hook me.
I like my humour delivered out of left field and I think you do this very well in Courting.
Backed and starred with confidence and a smile.
a zoomer

I went for #3. Started laughing at the first sentence. Read it twice.

Second paragraph had me laughing out loud

I started think you should submit to The Onion. You've thought of that, haven't you?

Like him to death--another good line

Went for another ch 4

These are really funny. I wish you success with this

I have read five chapters of this fun book, and had a reasonable amount of chuckles.
I will back you as soon as there is space on my bookshelf.
Best wishes, M
- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

You are totally fantastic, Barry!! You blow my mind at your kindness & care & help in my struggle. :) How can I ever thank you enough for again backing my memoirs book? :) Thank you from the very bottom of my heart. :) May God bless you 100 times back. :) Love, Susie :)
p.s. I especially want to thank you for making endorphins run rampant throughout my body so that all of the pain feels so much less. :) I need a DVD of all of your books so that I can play it all of my waking hours, to keep me going. :)

Dear Barry, Well, here I am reading & commented on your 4th hilarious book :) - I'm already laughing out loud, eyes sparkling, smiling ear to ear at "Wal-Mart pre-Christmas sale" "dangerous times....kill....disregard things we own....willing to steel things we need." You are a crack-up. :) You need to be a full-time stand-up comedian. :) :) :) "Oddly, her name was 'Bambi,' too" - still, I am laughing & that is only at the end of chapter 2. :) I love that even your pitch had me laughing about the new books coming out, etc. :) - each joke was so funny :) - I was wondering if I was going to survive your book. :) Your table of contents is excellent, so I could read them in order of interest, but all are totally great!! :) I have gold ******-rated all 4 of your books :) - could you ****** mine? :) Don't know if your read my profile update. I want to ask you if you could please put my book on your bookshelf & for as long as possible because I'm 12 from the editor's desk & need to be in the top 5 by the end of November :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 20 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 9 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks earlier this year. Love, Susie :)

a facinating and original piece...not sure what category of book this belongs, but there is certainly a market out there. this probably needs much editing and marketing to make this work- l shall help by putting it on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

I'm bunging this on my book shelf right now - so funny and cynical, love it. Will come back and read some more of these. 'How Touching Anything Can Kill You' by Glenn Beck is a stroke of genius; I wonder if I can buy it on Amazon? Ceeds
'JOE'S NAN'