Chasing Pharaohs

Chasing Pharaohs is an expertly written tale set in the mysterious Egyptian desert of ancient lore. Written historically with the knowledge of an archeologist and the passion of a troubadour, readers will be bound by the spell that author CMTStribbe weaves from the very first page.

It’s amazing that the weapons, tactics, legal structure and social classes as well as the geography, climate and even local insects of ancient Egypt are represented here. It’s clear that the author has done their homework, probably putting years of research into the project before penning a line. It shows, and readers will appreciate that. But what is even better is the story itself. Strongly character driven, with plenty of action, Chasing Pharaohs will paint vivid pictures in your mind. The author always chooses to show us what is happening instead of telling us. Many times I felt drawn right down into the arid landscape alongside the warriors on their quest, which was quite enjoyable.

Chasing Pharaohs is one of those rare books on this site that is simply ready for publication in its current state. If HC or any other publisher said, “send this to the printers” tomorrow, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit. Chasing Pharaohs will find an appreciative audience once published and I will be happy to be counted among its fans.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

I've just read chapter one and am can only praise it thus far. Spell-binding imagery (if you'll pardon the expression), deeply moving thoughts and feelings among the characters and immensely rich in description! The cultural and historical roots are exquisite and give this a feeling of depth and richness that I've not often encountered. Looking forward to more!

Dear CMTStibbe, your passion for poetry is undeniable in the undertones of your work. I was totally immersed by you imaginative descriptions. A factual, finesse of such fine writing. Is an influential as it is inspiring. I truly was in awe of your talent. The time spent to research the facts, are flawless as the first Bloody chapter. I wish you all the very best with your book. And hope that for the first time; instead of popularity! This book will reap the recognition it deserves, as a book of real Literature. Take care, Cicuta, [ Carl, Arcane ].

Your research must have been extensive and detailed, because I have never before read fiction that has the feel of Eygptian text. In places this is like reading a translation from a scroll, but better, because it has been written with skill and polish.
As you may have guessed, I'm well and truley impressed.
I want this in printed form, so I can wallow in an armchair and be transported back to the Red Land and feel the heat and watch the Nile and indulge in honey and figs and just read and read and read.
Well done. Very well done.

I found Chasing Pharaohs very captivating. Fascinating subject matter which you execute very well. I was really drawn into your vivid descriptions of a most brutal and cruel battle. You have a real talent for building emotion and setting a scene. Even without much dialogue in chapter 1 you manage to relay so much about your characters, with real depth and understanding and in contrast chapter 2 introduces a new king with very different values and motivation to that of his father. I find this era of history fascinating and your story offers much adventure and excitement, I really enjoyed what I read and wish you the best of luck with it. I have start rated and will shelve as soon as I get a space in the next few days.
Rachael
Dreamscape

One word...wow! I was sucked in, and this is one I definitely will be trying to find time to read more of. I love the descriptions and the emotions...you can almost see what is occurring. Whoever this author is, they hold within their being a soul such as is mine own...full of emotion...life...they are, in short, true painters of words.

dreamsearcher/maradjen

"I’d recommend calling the first chapter the Prologue, cutting chapter two and then starting the story. "

Or put them together and let them be the prolog. Chapter 3 is when the story takes off.

incredible! Luscious landscapes in the mind!

Congratulations!! Well done and best of luck :-)
Looking forward to reading the review when it's posted.

Veronica Peace

Hey congratulations :)

Hi Claire,

The scale and detail of this book are ambitious, but from the chapters I read , you have delivered.

There is a powerful writing style here,combined with a fascinating story, engaging descriptions and strong characterisation. I was also surprised - in a good way! - at the pace and flow for a novel of this genre. As another reviewer has mentioned, the pace is almost too hectic at times.

In terms of minor crit, I would comment that I wasn't always sure in my mind's eye what has happening in certain scenes; a few times a detail would emerge from the text that was at odds with the images playing in my head and I had to stop and go back to work out where I had gone wrong. But that is probably more about how I translate words to moving pictures in my head and maybe because of the fast pace drawing me on.

Someone else has mentioned the POV issue, which I agree with, but again that comes down more to my personal preference.

Overall, this has an epic feel to the narrative and it is very well pitched to its intended market.

I hope your HC review is all you wish it to be. Good luck.

Best wishes,

Terry

Hi CMTStibbe,

I read the prolog and the first chapter and had to say I was impressed by the detail of the ancient Egyption world that you brought to the work. I'm not sure I've read a book that's been more researched to try and be authentic. I also liked your poetic imagery.

If I have a criticism its mainly that the book seems a little too hurried as it rushes from paragraph to paragraph, but I'm guessing that that's a style thing. I like a longer, more leisurely read (which was probably why my first fantasy novel was 185,000 words and took nigh on a day to read). I would like to have known more about our MC, a little more background to flesh him out as a person perhaps. There were also a couple of minor typos.

All in all I thought it was a good read with the promise of becomming a great one.

Cheers, Greg.

Very visual! I was drawn into the story right away because I am fascinated with ancient Egypt. I am looking forward to seeing this book in print.

D. S. Hale

CHASING PHARAOHS
I liked the beginning of this and the way you introduce this strange creature. Shenq is a good character; it’s easy to sympathize with him because his father is killed. You’ve certainly captured the flavor of ancient Egypt; include just enough descriptions of dress or values to make this seem authentic; not so many a reader loses their focus on the story. I’ll add this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President

Dear CMT,

If Game of Thrones were set in Egypt, this would be the result. This is great, towering writing: a sweeping epic that doesn't feel modern at all, but rather meticulously plucked from an archaeological dig and translated.

Because of this, the rules are different for this style. See, I'd normally roll out the old rule of "Show, don't tell," but here, you way of doing it absolutely works. The narrative intrusions feel right, simply because it fits with the fashion of the story you're telling. Could you take this story and write it in a modern style? Absolutely. But it wouldn't be the same. Congratulations for having the bravery and integrity to stick with that; it is to be applauded. And besides the narrative intrusions really aren't strong and all, and only add what needs to be added.

Of all I read, there was literally only two things I picked up on: in Chapter 2, Paragraph 2, you mention one hand holding a whetstone, but then handS (plural) holding the leather handle. Three hands?! And, if I'm being super-picky, I found the idea of someone 'narrowing their eyes in fascination' a bit odd. I've always considered fascination to be a wide-eyed sort of reaction. But then, this is all part of your style, and to be honest, 'wide-eyed' may not sound right here.

This is great stuff. Your position at the sharp end of the charts is utterly justified, and your book is genuinely excellent: For what it's worth, I'm backing this with pleasure, and I wish you the very best with it.

PeeJay.

Claire,
Read your first two chapters. Awesome and worth-publishing. I have backed it. If you have time, can you pls go thru' across the ocean and give me some serious suggestions ( esp. grammar and language) on chapter 3. Means a lot for me indeed.
Regards,
Mohan

Just read the first two chapters. This is the sort of thing I like and back it willingly.

Steve - Into the Sunset

Really enjoyed this-am new to this site and this is the first book i read-as a archaeologist i'm always loking for books that breathe life into the past and this really does. A****

I read the 1st 2 chapters and thought that it was an excellent read - well done. Publishing may be a problem for, from what I understand, the book may be a little short. But I really, really wish you well

As a long-time lover of Egypt, and the history of its land, I can’t tell you how wonderful I think this book is. Your writing is flawless, and every description is refined down to the tiniest detail. I’m not sure why this book isn’t published, but I’m sure it will be in the future. This is another book on here that I just don’t have anything bad to say about it. There was nothing awkward about the book, I found it easy to read. The way you described the land and people painted vivid pictures in the readers mind, making it believable and extremely enjoyable. It is a great read, and I would recommend it to any book lover out there.

Best of luck,

Janelle

Claire,

Chasing Pharaohs is an excellent read, from its two enticing pitches, to the Prologue and beyond. This is a well written work with a premise that I have never found in a novel before. It is written with just the right amount of description so that I feel a complete part of your world and can feel it vividly around me. It's hard to find the perfect amount of description and you have it here. I love your language as well. I can feel the intellect in this piece. I feel your respect for your readers, in that you're not afraid to write to your full strength. You use words to describe weapons and the world around them and know that we are smart enough to understand. I respect that and appreciate it.

As I'm reading I get a good sense of Shenq, who he is and of his mind. I feel his pain as his father is pierced by the spear and I thuroughly enjoyed the search for his father's killer. We come back to the one-eyed figgure in the Prologue when we realize Shenq has destroyed one of the man's eyes. I love how you tie the first chapter and Prologue together here and I'm intriqued, anxious to read on. Your passion for your work exudes through and it is clear that you have well researched the book's time period.

Excellent! Intense! Vivid! A pleasure to read!

I'll be back soon for more. You well deserve your position. Yours is one of the best I've read on the site!

Have a wonderful day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity, Eden Legacy and Lazarus, Man

P.s. Thank you so much for the time you've spent with The Ark of Humanity and Lazarus, Man! Your support and comments mean a great deal. The opinions of a great author hold extreme value.

Chasing Pharaohs

Review for Historical Fiction Group by Guy the fiendish typo spotter.

Hi Claire, I have read the first six or so chapters so far of your ms, so this is a partial review. I will follow Jane's recommended review format, but personally I feel that what I have to offer you - and others willing to submit themselves – is an editorial kind of review of typos and micro-style points. In other words, I'm treating your work as I would my own, going through ruthlessly word for word, only now I'm making notes of anything that jumps out and sending them on to you instead of correcting them. (A better way to do this, if you're interested, would be with Track Changes on an MSWord.doc version)

You did say you were looking for this sort of reading - editing, rather than criticism - in preparation to presenting your book to the powers that be, and this is what I do best. My appraisal of the general well-polished story arc and characterizations would be similar to many other comments you have received. So here goes.

Cover and pitches
Great cover, especially recommendable because it does not have a pyramid on it! Good deserty feeling, split with the water, and of course the bird silhouette gets it an extra point (lol).

I see you have changed the LP recently and it now reads much better.

Pace
Moves along well - the only comment would be that perhaps, as the period is so far removed from the present day, you may feel readers need an overview somewhere, on the geography, for instance; where are the Meroëvian coming from, why are they fighting, why did they attack in that month, etc, and some similar overview of the political set-up - unless you feel you cover all the mechanics of who the Pharaoh is, what his power are, etc. as you go, through the POVs of the various characters.

Point of View
I like the different POVs but, as I have just mentioned, it keeps the story very much rooted within each character, rather than giving an overall spread (maybe what I'm saying over the last ouple of paragraphs is that I would like to see a map of your area...?).

Authenticity (Historical accuracy)
This aspect seems to be very well researched and the detailed decriptions of minutae keep the readers' interest.

Characters
Good – no comments

Descriptions
Be careful not to overdo the detail. I'm not saying you do, but it's worth saying anyway – for reasons of pacing, we don't always need to know it's a gold half-litre Scythian cup, engraved with blue sunbirds he drinks the poison out of. It can sometimes just be a cup. But you know this already.

Dialogue
Generally very good.

Plot
It's just a personal feeling, I'm sure, but I always feel a bit cheated when in an early chapter, we learn that five or ten years have passed since the last installment. I would prefer this to happen, if possible, in the body of a chapter, even if it's only after an initial paragraph. If we read, “Ten years passed...” as a second para, it gives the reader a moment to accept this break and feel, or wonder, what may have happened in the intervening time, rather than have it imposed at the start.

Publishability
If I knew the answer to this one I probably wouldn't be here on Authonomy! It looks good enough to me – the strong points are readability, pacing and style. With a run through from a professional editor it should be fine.

Style
The author holds the style very well.

Technicalities (grammar, repetitions, typos, etc.)
OK, Here I go. You have a tendency to use a poetic “and” which is good for keeping the flow going but can sometimes lead to confusion.

Example: (Ch 1 para 2) “...anguished cries merging with the groans of death and archers herded the rebels...” May be better to use a full stop instead of the and here, because otherwise the tendency is to read “death-and-archers”. Hope this makes sense. Similarly, in the next para: “...skin the colour of oiled cedar and black hair fell down his back, thick like a horse's tail.” The problem here, clearly, is that they didn't both fall down his back.
Another example: “An elderly man entered shoulders hunched and naked to he waist” (Ch 3) You don't mean his shoulders were naked to the waist. Separate “shoulders hunched” with commas or turn it round: “An elderly man entered, naked to the waist and shoulders hunched.”

It's not really feasible to go case by case without Track Changes, especially as I can't copy your text off the page.

While I don't want to intrude on your unique style and the tone of voice you are creating, remember the old writers' adage; “if someone has to read something twice, they probably won't”. This is especially true in the first page or so of your novel, so have a look at sentences like (Ch 1 para 7) “None were (= was) bound, hands grasping long knives as if they knew what they had to do”
(Ch 1 para 13) “Earrings (insert comma) dangling from extended lobes, and cartilage piercings were evident along the rim of his nostrils.”

There are some possible word changes and deletes, eg. (Ch 1 para 6) “...to his men, (delete seeming) as if he had noticed their impatience.”

And you're not allowed to say “...herd of crane...” (Ch 1 para 16) when an ornithologist is looking! I'm sure there's a thoroughly decorative collective noun available, but flock is quite adequate. “Wake of vultures”, by contrast, is excellent.

Be careful of the ubiquitous “as” to link simultaneous events. You have probably already edited these to death and they don't stand out too badly, but it's worth doing another search and decide case by case if you can change the word or, as here, the case: (Ch 1 para 32) “...a group of bowmen as they carried a nobleman from the battlefield.” Could be “...bowmen carrying...”
There are a couple more as's at the start of chapter 2.

These style questions seem to diminish as the book continues and from chapter 3 or 4 onwards I, like so many others, find myself reading avidly instead of editing. Well done!

Guy Cox

That's quite a dramatic start.
This isn't the sort of thing I'd read, but I found it engaging because of the fast-moving story.
The writing is good, although sometimes I felt it a little too rich and it slowed me down.
But, there's a huge amount of skill and obvious research in this novel.
I'm starring it now and will pop it on my shelf when there's space.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Claire, this is incredible writing! Everything is so vivid and alive. Definitely six stars! The best of luck!

MPA

-Lakam

Chasing Pharoahs. It's 115 days since I last commented - shame on me!

Ch.5. 'Daylight seeped through a loophole in the fortress wall' - I am immediately reminded of your descriptive prowess. You attain the authorial stance better than anyone on this site.
I take a while to slow down my customary reading speed, in order to absorb the richness of your vocabulary and the wealth of detail.
Those familiar African birds make me homesick.

Ch.6. A chapter of dialogue, which ever so slowly advances the story, in the manner, I presume of ancient Egypt where the heat is not conducive to speed.

Ch.7. The Pharoah now, and palace intrigue and politics, and lust.
And I leave you with the kingfisher, perched on a leafy node.

I have found no nits, and wish you luck with your review.
Multi-starred to light you on your way, Claire.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Chasing Pharaohs

I've read quite a way into this and am able to comment now. You've clearly got a great deal of knowledge of this era which plays well in that first chapter. At times, as someone uninitiated in all the details of the Egyptian realm, I found some of the terminology a little off-putting and it slowed the plot down in places. You have a great idea here and a great opening action sequence where we learn lots about the characters through what happens to them, the best way to learn this kind of stuff. I wonder if you've done a read out loud edit. This might help you to spot the parts of your manuscript where too much ancient Egyptian detail slows us down. There are a few moments like this in chapter one, which is generally great, where the action is subservient it seems to setting out the arrangements of tribe to tribe or weapons carried, or rituals engaged in. The human interest story in chapter one is more than enough to hold our attention and I think I would have liked a little less ancient Egyptian scholarship here and just a bit more story, which I find enticing and engaging.

My own opinion on the prologue is that it adds nothing and simply reads as a warm up for what is too follow, I found myself wanting it to hurry up so I could get to the bulk of the story. For officiandos of historical fiction this will appeal, to me, as someone who can really take or leave that genre, I thought the particular area of history you've decided to focus on is really interesting. I like the title, not sure about the pitch, you could do with some more white space in it that's for sure.

What you have constructed here is a very realistic and interesting story about a time period we all find very fascinating, I will be supporting your book soon, certainly before the end of the month.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W

An engaging work based on the prologue and the first three chapters. I had a difficult time taking time out to write up my comments so far. CMTScribble has crafted some fine story-telling.

However, there are some places where she needs to look over her work for punctuation errors. Other than that, she has an excellent story and should make the editor's desk in no time.

I was captivated by your world building. Normally I would pull out lines that I thought needed strengthened or that represented something that I saw throughout the piece that needed strengthening, but I couldn't pinpoint anything except things I favored! You showed emotions through descriptive actions using the heart and the character's body's and that read very engagingly. The plot is vivid with your details and word craft. Egypt came alive for me. You built intrigue around the Jackal in the prologue to great effect. Shenq's point of view was consistent. He felt real and well developed.

Maybe "Filthy and brutal as they were in life." It's an interesting detail but it aids in telling. Really, you could keep it though, but if I don't pull out something I'll feel like this comment is a waste. You could have built this up to show how they were filthy and brutal with you vivid word craft instead of pointing it out with feeling words. I'm putting this on my shelf.

WOW. So glad I came back to this. Read chapter 2. I love the character of Sheng, so different from the rest. The pain and suffering of war at this time in history, when men died slowly of their wounds, is expertly displayed.
Sheng's father, dying because he lagged behind to show mercy. What an image. I will read on.
I hope this makes it to the editor's desk. Good Luck!
Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

As a very amateur, and confessedly mostly 'armchair' Egyptologist, I originally supported 'Chasing Pharaohs' for the richness of the story portrayed against the lives of some folks who are both historical figures and also ordinary people like you and me. It is a rare opportunity to see the landscape and the everyday from the position of a confidant to events that really happened. At Claire's request I am again reading the manuscript but I wanted to lose no time in once again placing this on my shelf. Six Stars. RT

I love research and what it brings to the reader. It draws one in, maybe because of familiarity or maybe curiosity. The research makes a fiction story come to life as though it were a chronicle of history and it draws the reader to ask for more. And you give more in your imagery, word selection, and vivid use of metaphors.
I placed Chasing Pharaohs on my bookshelf so I can go back and finish and re-read sections. A well crafted story CMT.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy

This is a well written book. I read parts of chapter 4, I'll be back for more.

Hi Claire,

I’m here for our read swap. Below are my findings/comments and are, of course, my humblest opinions. So, take them for whatever they’re worth.

I think the short pitch could be sharper and cleaner. Perhaps, “Three warriors battle a cunning shadow, who strives to cast down kings.”

“Passion. Danger. Sorcery…” First, the ellipse is oddly placed. Second, I would actually delete this part entirely. I don’t think it doesn’t anything for you. What am I supposed to take from this?

“half man-half beast” replace the hyphen with a comma.

“A demon once locked…” Is this the same as the creature, or something different?” Maybe “The demon once locked…”

The first sentence of the second paragraph is good, but needs to be restructured. The information after the emdash are details to the “powerful team” no “the divisions of Amun.” For that reason, it should read, “…assembles a powerful team of warriors—a Kushite bowman, a Hebrew scribe and a Persian Swordsman—to lead the divisions of Amun.”

“The three fighters…” This sentence warrants explanation, and for that reason, I’d remove it from your pitch. It’s too much for a pitch.

The rest is very good.

Prologue
“eye-socket” no need for the hyphen

“Apepi—serpent of darkness and chaos” I’d use a comma instead of an emdash. I hear publishers aren’t keen on overuse of semicolons, ellipses and emdashes.

This is beautifully written prose! But why is the whole thing italicized?

Chapter one
Whew! I usually read with a red pen in hand, but I was so drawn into the beautiful writing that I ditched it and read to enjoy it. That’s the mark of a talented writer. There were a few sentences I had to re-read for clarity, but overall this wasn’t much of a problem. Rich, rich, prose. I love the opening. Lots of action and suspense, and great introduction to the evil they face.

Chapter two has the same richness and moves the plot forward well.

I typically have more to say, but this is excellent storytelling. Would be honored to put it on my shelf to help you get to the desk.

Best of luck!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

I rub my hands together with glee at the story. Ancient Egypt, a half-human creature, snarling with hatred. Excellent!

I think 'meandering river" would be best left river. Sensing eagerness in 'the boy's jutting chin'.

"Before cupping a hand to drink" reads to me that the character is going to literally drink a hand. I would make that sentence more clear. "...One he frequently dreaded and his heart" I would end the sentence at dreaded and start a new sentence at his heart burned... Enclosed/encased. Just minor tweaks...

Your book has been a favorite of mine since I first stumbled upon it last year. It was on my shelf more than a few times. I look forward to your ED review and hope that they snatch this up quick! If they don't they are just nuts. It's a seller. I am not as good at review s as you are. I can just tell you if I like something. And your book is one that I have absolutely loved and rooted for from the beginning.

Much love and best wishes to you,
Laura A. Diaz
"They Call Me Blanca"

Congratulations Clare for getting there - I'm backing you again because you deserve it.

Charles (Mach100)

It's not often that a book can take me away and gently place my mind in an unfamiliar setting. This book was able to transport me to a place I have never been, in a time I have never known and do so without effort. The descriptives are like a panoramic view placed within my mind for me to effortlessly scan the horizon; while a narrator clearly defines what I am seeing.

[Chasing Pharaos]

Well, I can tell why you got this far. You have a fluent pen and you set your characters well. Or as someone else wrote: your world comes alive not only in the people, but in the setting of nature and in its animals as well. Yes, this is a story I have little to add to. The first chapters I read were pleasantly written and well done.

I want to thank you for your review of my story. Good luck with this.

typos in Prologue: ..burned AS if it had been branded..

Storm Petrels (if it is an actual species you're naming)

But apart from that, whoa. Shelfed.

Hello! As promised, stopped by to read your prologue and firs chapter. Your writing style is very descriptive, which is especially important when your setting is unfamiliar to several readers. I'm not familiar with Egyptian history, but your writing and descriptions reveal that you are. In the prologue you leave your reader with questions concerning who this mysterious creature is, and how he came to lose his eye. Some of these questions are answered in chapter one, but not all. This may serve to peek your reader's interest even further. Also, your MC seems somewhat conflicted within. While he desires to gain vengeance for his father's death, he also appears somewhat timid, not yet as brave and capable as his father, though he is certainly eager and brash. Congrats on making it to number three. Hope you find time to check out my first chapter soon. Best wishes.
Jonie - Leave Me Asking

Hello Claire, I've just finished almost 3 chapters. Im impressed by the entire setting of the era you have unfolded before the readers eye in defined detail. Being of Middle Eastern background, I thoroughly enjoyed reading the historical theme set out and Im happy to say that you've laid the foundation well. I wish you all the success for Chasing Pharaohs. Salwa.

Well written. Although you have dots at the end of the prologue. Those don't seem necessary. The rest of what I've read is clear and gives the impression of another time a place. The long pitch is good, but I would recommend changing the second '-' in the short pitch to a comma. I know this is still a WIP, but this story gives the impression of being well-researched.

Reben

The story has a lot of newness to it. Few people look into Egyptian history or write books to make it come real.
The first and second chapter were very well written as well as factual. People will find interest while reading.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds of CHange

Read chapter 12 after reading the first couple of chapters. And again, you don't fail to disappoint. Love the relationship between Kheper-Re and Shenq. Not sure if there is a jealousy there-assuming there is b/c of some of your comments like ;you are more of a son to my father than I am', etc. Found this chapter entertaining as well. Still curious about the jackal headed creature they are tracking. Great read and really impressed with the research you've done. You know how to weave it into the story without it being an information dump. Good luck to you. Hope H.C. sees the value in publishing this.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

Hi,
Firstly, I love your cover.
The prologue is powerful and expertly sets the tone of the novel.
By using good description, you’ve created a vivid world filled with interesting characters and the first chapter really hooks the reader in. I have nothing specific by way of suggestions; it doesn't need them.
This is a must for the editor’s desk and I will make some space to help you get there.
I’m going to pass this one to my husband to finish; it’s right up his street.
Best of luck, Raquel. x

This book drew me in from the pitch. As a fan of everything from ancient Egypt, this story quickly grabbed my attention.
You write with a knowledge of your subject matter unrivalled by others on this site. To emerse the reader completely within a historical world so accurately is a challenging task, but you seem to have mastered it effortlessly. The introduction of the Alodian moves this story into a whole different direction, as it incorporates the Gods and magic of this ancient world that I was once obsessed with a child.
Backed and starred happily,
Jake
To Rise an Angel

Chasing Pharaohs is extremely well written. I especially like the way the bad guy is depicted with feelings and loyalties, just like the good ones. I have no suggestions for improvement. Starred and backed.

Hi, there – this is your CCRG review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

Your opening paragraphs are so beautifully written. I would love to have the chance to read them aloud. The whole thing is beautifully written. I love all the details about life at that time: the scents, the utensils, the visual detail. The first few times I tried to dive in, I was deterred by all the names and characters, but once I persuaded myself to just pay attention and keep going, I couldn’t stop reading. I finished five chapters while handing out candy to modern-day “spirits.”

A few nits from The Hag:

“Earrings dangling from extended lobes, and cartilage piercings were evident…” The verbs need to be parallel….and it’s a bit of a puzzle when earrings and piercings are so different.

Aset smiled, eyes flashing has an extra quotation mark.

“Is that where do you live?”

The story rolled before me on the movie screen in my mind. The story has a cinematic quality. I wonder if I saw too many of those “Ten Commandments” movies in my youth??

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Re-backing this wonderful story, which will give HC a new touch of class.

From Kay with love
(*Annacara*)

Great imagery, but I would suggest too dense.
Choice description and metaphor should be the jewel in the crown (read crown as paragraph). As it is, I feel like my inner eye knows not where to rest.

I think I backed this book previously. After reading more, I feel it's worth backing again. "Chasing Pharaohs" is highly polished and well researched. Jesselowe

Chasing Pharaohs is an expertly written tale set in the mysterious Egyptian desert of ancient lore. Written historically with the knowledge of an archeologist and the passion of a troubadour, readers will be bound by the spell that author CMTStribbe weaves from the very first page.

It’s amazing that the weapons, tactics, legal structure and social classes as well as the geography, climate and even local insects of ancient Egypt are represented here. It’s clear that the author has done their homework, probably putting years of research into the project before penning a line. It shows, and readers will appreciate that. But what is even better is the story itself. Strongly character driven, with plenty of action, Chasing Pharaohs will paint vivid pictures in your mind. The author always chooses to show us what is happening instead of telling us. Many times I felt drawn right down into the arid landscape alongside the warriors on their quest, which was quite enjoyable.

Chasing Pharaohs is one of those rare books on this site that is simply ready for publication in its current state. If HC or any other publisher said, “send this to the printers” tomorrow, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit. Chasing Pharaohs will find an appreciative audience once published and I will be happy to be counted among its fans.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Prologue: "Is if had been branded" Makes no sense. Did you mean, "As if it had been branded?