Bad Moon Rising

Hi, and thanks for the comments. My 1st novel has been published and I really should get into top gear and finnish Bad Moon and Turn Killer next year. A lot of time is being taken up by marketing 'Adrenalin Rush'.

An excellent hook start and then an intriguing follow-up. . The various characters have clear points of view, interestingly larded with specific information (such as Bruce's motorcycle races) and humour is never far away ( I liked the bit about the uncomfortable walk being due to the gravel in his shorts). This has all the makings of a great page turner and I will follow its progress iwth interest. In the interim am starring and watchlisting and address it properly in due course. Jaye

Hi, Scott and thanks for the comments. My 1st novel has been published and I really should get into top gear and finnish Bad Moon and Turn Killer next year. A lot of time is being taken up by marketing 'Adrenalin Rush'.

Steve,

This is an interesting novel. I'll be back for more.

Have a great day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Steve,

This is an interesting novel. I'll be back for more.

Have a great day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

An excellent hook start and then an intriguing follow-up. . The various characters have clear points of view, interestingly larded with specific information (such as Bruce's motorcycle races) and humour is never far away ( I liked the bit about the uncomfortable walk being due to the gravel in his shorts). This has all the makings of a great page turner and I will follow its progress iwth interest. In the interim am starring and watchlisting and address it properly in due course. Jaye

I read three chapters and saw great potential for a real page turner. I wondered if one character would tie the story together. Having several different characters speaking in first person tends to get confusing. Jesselowe

Very good read, though I had a few doubts about where it was going, and when . I kept hoping a chapter would link it all together, but finally had to move on to something else. I'll be back, chp 7. Good Job! Starred.

Chuck -- Marshall Warren -- "Sunrise, Sunset" Power, Politics, Mother Earth, Sex, Love, Money. 42 chpt.

This was an enjoyable read for me since I'm fond of this type of book. Will put your book on my shelf in time.

Bakced Bad Moon Rising. Great opening with the murder in the alley. Agree with others about needing a good proofing. We just did a major rewrite using suggestions from readers on Authonomy.
Example:
"Cool." I told him. Needs a comma-"Cool," I told him.
"I stood up and ask him. "You paying for the coffee?" Needs a comma- "I stood up and ask him, "You paying for the coffee?"
Good Luck.
CC Brown
DArk Side

In brief:
Interesting, but if this is only about a fifth of the whole novel - where's it going? Do you have it planned to the end?
The various viewpoints work, but they could work even better if the waysof thinking of the different characters were more radically different.
I entirely agree with tiggertoo ... I had also started to make a list of minor editorial errors, but fortunaely noticed his list, and stopped.
I never like reading of killing, particularly when written with such care and detail - but I suppose that some of your readers will. Neither the knife killing, nor the hangings ...
You have a very striking cover picture - it is powerful enough just on its own to persuade many otherwise doubters or indifferent to open the (online) pages and start reading.
Keep it going.
RT

Steve

Prologue
The prologue gripping and sets the atmosphere well. The tension builds nicely even though the conclusion is clear. The only thing to think about is the slamming of his car door. Why does he do this? I get the sense his character would close it carefully, with precision.
Some noted nitpicks:
* It’s not usual to put thoughts in inverted commas, but I see you’re doing this die to the italics. Since you are doing this then the punctuation needs to be inside. E.g. ‘She’s young[,]’ he thought[.] ‘[N]o matter, she’[ll] do[,]’ – note that his thinking should be in present tense.
* Lower case after semicolon. E.g. She said; [s]tandard professional talk
* Capital after a colon. E.g. …were gone: [S]he was dead.

Chapter 1
This chapter introduces the main character and his attitudes nicely. Good showing personality rather than telling.
There’s also good use of language right at the start with “…needle of blinding agony…”
I’m not keen on the last sentence of the first section: “But it was something” jarred because of course it was something. How about making it all more punchy: “This crash wasn’t caused by tyre failure. It wasn’t caused by a mistake. So what had made me crash?”
Talking to the reader like the line “I think I mentioned that we didn’t like each other.” However I like the style and it works for me.
Some noted nitpicks:
* “apposed” – opposed.
* “…a minute[,]” the slightly built one called….
* But starting at the age [of] five…
*
* “You alright then, Bruce?” [he] turned…
* “…when I can, Bruce[,]” Blackie…
* “No, sorry[.] But…”
*
Chapter 2
Again good character development.
I don’t think the needles in the shower work because you say the “battered” Sara’s skin.
Some noted nitpicks:
* …asked hesitantly[.]
* “…velkome!” [s]he said – also it’s a Hitler impression (as you tell us) not a storm trooper. I’d cut the storm trooper reference.
* …in a ‘laugh at them[‘] kind of way.
* …Christmas [D]ay…

Generally this is a good character driven start with a hint of mystery regarding the crash. I think the writing could be improved with a little pruning – though I know I’m probably too far the other way! An example would be the sentence “so let’s not be falsely modest about it.” I found this a little clunky to read. My suggestion would be a simple: “so no false modesty.”

Best wishes

Murray (Lost Isis)

good flowing writing that makes this book work; a classic piece= l shall back...
SEASONS...

Thanks, Caroline. I thought the bimbo in the rolls might just be the thing that happens in places like Dallas! lol Too much JR Ewing, perhaps?

Steven,
I justf finished all eight chapters of Bad Moon Rising (I love that title). You have another winner here. You are a natrual story teller,and your command of language is excellent. What, to me, really keeps me interested is you appear to know all the ins and outs, the lingo, of this sophisticated world of super spies, killers, living on the edge life. I saw nothing blaringly wrong--nothing a good polish won't fix. Well, Ryan being picked up by a RollsRoyce with a bimbo named Bambi did press believability, but ... it's a novel. Right? Good luck. Remember me when you are famous.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Steven,
I justf finished all eight chapters of Bad Moon Rising (I love that title). You have another winner here. You are a natrual story teller,and your command of language is excellent. What, to me, really keeps me interested is you appear to know all the ins and outs, the lingo, of this sophisticated world of super spies, killers, living on the edge life. I saw nothing blaringly wrong--nothing a good polish won't fix. Well, Ryan being picked up by a RollsRoyce with a bimbo named Bambi did press believability, but ... it's a novel. Right? Good luck. Remember me when you are famous.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Excellent read, Steven: can't wait to see the rest of the novel. Absolutely gripping!!!!

Well written with an intricate plot and I look forwrd to reading the finnished novel

Thanks. Would you mind have a look at the first book, Adrenalin Rush for me, I'd appreciate feed-back?

Steve

i like the style of what i see. I think this has the makings of a good book if you can keep the intensity and style of these pages going through the novel. I like the premise of the story as you describe it in the abstract

i like the style of what i see. I think this has the makings of a good book if you can keep the intensity and style of these pages going through the novel. I like the premise of the story as you describe it in the abstract