Take a Sick Break

ChristinaN55 . . . what can I say about her book, Take A Sick Break. Easily the most funniest writer on here. . . . at least from what I have read. And the first authonomy book that I had read all the way through.

AWARD: BEST COMEDIC WRITER 1ST PLACE
AWARD: BEST FIRST CHAPTER 1ST PLACE

Hi again Christina,

I just spotted your profile again when I was wandering round authonomy and realised I hadn't actually read your work yet. I'm here to have a good read now and comment in an attempt to rectify the shameless oversight. ;)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track.

(Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :()

The Lump: I’m immediately overcome with lust by the description of Sue ;). Her face is the very picture of beauty ... as painted by Picasso. The lump only finishes off her amazing looks. Her husband's a real charmer, isn't he? He's the sort of man women dream of, I’m sure. I wish I could be more like him myself. Alas, such a thing is impossible. :(

Ah interesting to learn the scientific name for her condition. The doctor's obviously a v learned man to know of such a rare condition. I've never seen that 1 in the movies for some reason. Hollywood must have lied to me! Grrr I'm seething in rage! And the doc's treatment's radical and innovative too. Why haven't I ever seen this on ER or casualty? This would make amazing viewing. Tragically, the delicate procedure doesn't seem to be a success, though. What will poor Sue do now? :(

Phew I was relieved when she managed to squeeze that lump away. Wise words at the end. Just think how badly things could have turned out if Sue hadn't visited the doc. I think it's clear from this 1st story, your book will be a moral and informative work, filled with meaningful musings and allegories. :)

The Interview: Ah Ho's and Co. Aren't they the well-known subsiduary of Slappers 'R' Us? Noble organisation. I love the gourmet meal this character makes. I'm making notes right now. Boy, I can't wait to impress my wife with this luxury meal for our wedding anniversary ;). Wow this lady knows how to dress classy too. Is there no end to her talents? Ho's and Co. are bound to hire her!

Damn, the foolish interviewer didn't understand her radical technique, though. Why couldn't he see she's an artist of the highest order, and her "explosion" was a wordless demonstration of joy. The man's a fool. He's lost the greatest employee the world would ever have seen. :(

The Date: Wow what a woman. 189 kgs of unadulterated lust. Your book's an incredibly erotic work, you know ;). And this lady dresses even classier than the 1 in the last chapter. I'm awed by the fabulous fashion choices.

No wonder John's overwhelmed when he sees her! What man wouldn't be? Ah looks like John's playing hard to get, the cunning devil. He really must be interested. This is starting to look like a romance that will ring out through the ages. Oh but fickle fate snatches John away with a heart attack. His heart must have just been so filled with love it burst! This story is so sad. I can barely see through my tears well enough to type. :(

Ask Doctor Proctor: Hmmm tricky question from Hilda. What's the best way to answer this young octogenarian’s query? Ah Proctor answers wisely, telling her she has a v good chance of meeting a Mr Reaper. The doc also says how lucky she's been to avoid perilous STDs. So plenty of hopeful advice there. I bet Hilda's over the moon. :)

Hmmm then we get another tricky question. How can this mother be sure her son is even hers? A common query, I'm sure. Once again, Proctor has the perfect answer. Common sense advice that can easily be applied by somebody on a budget. I'm noting these words of wisdom down.

Wow a real life changing decision comes next. Should Bruno become a priest. Will his past unfairly bias certain members of the church against him? Again, we get spot-on and practical advice. The future looks bright for Bruno now. Hallelujah!

Next there's an interesting diversion with a question about diet. Proctor recommends greater mastication and pre-eating chopping. Wow I'm impressed. Is there no problem this guy can't fix?

Ah and it looks like a mechanic may be the solution to a broken car. That's a gold nugget of advice right there. I'll just go tell my plumber to put down the spark plugs. Thank you, Proctor, you're saving me money already!

Sadly, there's just so much great advice I don't think I can note down all my thoughts here. My praise would soon become so fulsome the internet itself may overload and explode!

In the best interests of humanity, I'm going to stop commenting on Proctor's genius so I can move onto he next chapter. :(

The Impotence of being Ernest: Ahhh a sensitive and touching updating of the classic. I still remember the scene with the clap in the original. Sadly, though, differences soon arise between the loving couple whose reliance on pure and absolute love is tested to destruction. Eleanor's seduction of Archibald is expertly handled. The subtlety and beauty of the scene brought tears to my eyes. As did the scene with the kitchen staff.

I really sympathise with Eleanor as the story of her saintly mother's demise was so harrowing. I can't imagine how she dealt with the awful situation. Her early life is an uplifting tale of triumph over adversity. Good for her for managing to work herself all the way up from the kitchen to the bedroom. She's a genuine heroine. I was so happy when she trained extra hard until she became the best polisher in all London. Wow what an accolade. Then there's the mystery of what object she was polishing for Oatfield. Will we ever find out what it was? I'm sensing an intriguing secret here. ;)

By the end of the chapter we see how Ernest and Eleanor's love managed to conquer the difference in their station. It was joyous news when he proposed to her and was accepted. Nothing could ever go wrong with this marriage. I foresee years of happiness stretching ahead. :)

I just noticed how long this comment’s getting. Sorry about that. I think I just became carried away by the beauty and subtlety of your words. I’ll try and sum up my thoughts now on your miraculous book. :)

Wow .. what can I say? I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that covers such various topics as love stories, fashion sense, medical advice and reworkings of classics. The breadth and depth of your work is staggering. But I think I was most impressed by the way you bring your characters to life with such delicate descriptions. I could really picture the tender beauty of the woman in The Lump. Well done!

I’ve just given your 6 stars. How could I do less? I do hope you manage to place it with a publisher. Due to the uplifting nature of your work, I think I’d suggest you aim for religious publishers. They would no doubt see the genius in your work as soon as they read through the 1st page. :)

My fingers are crossed for you,

Pete x

Take a Sick Break wins the award for most unique title on Authonomy, and there are some wacky tomes posted here. Author Christina Naftis, I believe, is also a standup comic in her free time. How else would she nail comedic humor and timing – in print form no less? The author seems to realize the speed at which a reader will be moving down the page, and builds up running jokes to a crescendo that can’t help but make you laugh.

In a way, Naftis is a great writer disguising herself as a bad one (which is really funny in itself). She’s never afraid to break character if it suits the story. Case in point, in the tale about the princess with the big head later in the book, the main character is having an argument with her magic mirror. Just when you start to think that it might be getting a bit much, the mirror chimes in with “Listen, the readers are getting bored now, so we have to wrap up this story.”

In the same way, Take a Sick Break is actually a set of well-constructed stories disguised as light toilet-room reading. While I would be happy to add this book to my bathroom shelf, it could just as easily find a home on the coffee table or in the study.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Enjoyed 3 & 4 over morning coffee. Really got a kick out of the Doctor Proctor tidbits, especially the carrot in the poo, 'he's rude, untidy and male,' 'After having read your letter and throwing up.'
I'm quite confident this will get published. I'm glad you uploaded this here.
More later,
JBC

This book gets to the bottom of the human condition and challenges our ass-umptions about who and what we are. I recommend it to all truth seekers and banana lovers. You won't be disappointed, it will move you more than a coffee enema.

Although this is not the typical book I would comment on or read, it does have a unique writing style that catches the reader's imagination. I don't like the bad language in the book, but there is a lot of humorous writing (and don't get me started on how well you put together your dialogue). Except for the language I give this book high stars.

Take a Sick Break. I couldnt help taking a look at you; your sick book cover has been one I've dearly wanted to rise above over the past months - but the gap between us is expanding!
I didnt mean to take notes, but I guess reviewing is instinctive for me.

What fun ... but wouldnt something like 'Daphne ... came trampling down the staircase in full stage make-up' flow better? A mere nit.

You drift between Viewpoints paragraph by paragraph, which I'm told is a no-no for editors. What would you think about remaining with John throughout, and just letting her words speak for themselves without attributes? You choose the words so brilliantly, the attributes arent needed anyway.

Try deleting the rest of the sentence after 'They hadnt even left the house yet.' I think especially with humour, the adage 'lessw is more' holds.

Love that image of John swerving his car instead of himself.

What a gorgeous story - and I feel so clever for guessing the ending a fraction of a second before your first hint.

Now I must get down to the reads which ARE on my list.
Multi-starred.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

I have read your first short story and really enjoyed it! Great characters, funny and touching in turns. Very well-written with great structure. I will be back for more!
All the best
Julia
Shadow Jumper

ChristinaN55 . . . what can I say about her book, Take A Sick Break. Easily the most funniest writer on here. . . . at least from what I have read. And the first authonomy book that I had read all the way through.

AWARD: BEST COMEDIC WRITER 1ST PLACE
AWARD: BEST FIRST CHAPTER 1ST PLACE

Hey Christina you write funny-we like funny-I'd like to see how you would weave some of these character into a single longer narrative--? That might make for a fun read too-something Meaty beefy big and Bouncy maybe!
Well done much liked the tales--m

Hey Christina you write funny-we like funny-I'd like to see how you would weave some of these character into a single longer narrative--? That might make for a fun read too-something Meaty beefy big and Bouncy maybe!
Well done much liked the tales--m

Hey Christina you write funny-we like funny-I'd like to see how you would weave some of these character in to a single longer narrative--? That might make for a fun read to-something Meaty beefy big and Bouncy maybe!
Well done liked the tales--m

I read chapter 2 and 6 and they are both really funny! I love the lines about Daphne's eyelashes looking like licourish (sp?) and her husband wanting her to bury her tongue in the garden. I laughed outloud at both, and I almost never do that. The Dr. Proctor stuff was really good too. I like his response to Jesus (the robber) and to boyfriend won't commit. Black humor is the best. I give this high stars and wish you the best of luck here! Caitlin Avery, Lightning in my Wires

Ask Doctor Proctor: The most hilarious thing ever written by anyone!! I was bored at work and started reading the book. HILARIOUS is the word! It got me into little trouble as I couldn't control my laughter.... but otherwise... beautiful.... Keep up the awesome work!

I have only read The Trip so far but I thought it was great. You really have the dialogue between John and Daphne nailed. I love the black humour as well. You have to feel sorry for John but I must admit I also felt a bit of sympathy for Daphne at her husband's acid comments. I started to get the idea that the cause of her pain was a baby when she wet herself in the car but it was a suprise that John fell in love with his baby so quickly and didn't run screaming from the scene! Can't help wondering though if they will be back to bitching each other again by the child's first birthday ha. This is the kind of book that I would love to have received in my Christmas stocking this year. Well done and good luck on your way to the ED desk. Six stars.
If you want to take a look at my novel Pain I would be grateful although I can't promise you a laugh a minute with that one!

PS - I love the cover artwork.

Kim (Pain)

Out of all of these, my favourite has to be the first. I just loved the couple's bitching - I could read pretty much a whole novel composed of nothing but that. The cyanide line cracked me up.

A lot of these remind me of Alexi Sayle's short stories - kind of absurdist and fucked up. It's going on my shelf.

I have got to give you credit. It is challenging writing humor and you do it well. I only read the first couple of stories, but they are very funny. Well done.

How funny!! A really enjoyable read!! :-) x

wicked and perverse! Just what the doctor ordered to rouse my spirits today! No wonder Oscar Wilde is one of your favorites! I notice the similiarities! Awesome from a Brit.

In Texas
Jaye
Toxic Beauty

Also, anyone who has The Stranger and The Metamorphosis as two of their four top books is a little too highbrow for ... toilet humor.

Ouch, SMEG should read on, not every story 'knocks out' every reader. That's the whole point is that short stories gives you options. He should read your other book, 5 Words... that has some 'Knock out, drag you around by the foot, smack you up against the wall and anally probe you' stories in it.

original and unique, i'm sure this book will do well
a great read thank you!

If you'll forgive me sounding pretentious, this was refreshingly unpretentious. I liked the banter between the married couples in The Trip and The Lump. I liked your descriptions of women who have somehow let themselves go and the men who are probably equally fat who seem to think they are still God's gift. I shall put this on my sy shelf for some time.

I have just read The Trip... liked the characters, even if they did somewhat remind me of Al and Peg Bundy in Married With Children (not that this is necessarily a bad thing), and I like your wicked style of humour... I did think that you could use a few more commas, especially in some of the speeches, and I did think the story went on a bit too long for such a basic premise, but that aside, not a bad read and I look forward to reading more.

The short story "The Trip" from your collection, "Take A Sick Break", is very affecting. I could certainly feel the grinding and banal hate that John felt for Daphne, and I would never have predicted the ending. If the author's purpose is to create emotion in the reader, you have succeeded.

I recommend deleting the word "otherwise" from the sentence, "Apart from the munching sounds Daphne was now making the car was otherwise silent."

Christina Naftis' comedic contribution to this site deserves our respect. Yes, Take a Sick Break is highly irreverent, successfully so, but her sense of the absurd is delightful and a rare treat. Highly starred.

This collection of stories has been on my WL for aeons. I'm not sure why I hadn't got round to reading them before now, but I'm glad I finally had a look. Read the first 2 stories and loved them. Short story writing is a fine art, i find them much kess appealing than novels, but it's great when they work, which these 2 did. Very funny throughout, with a great unexpectes turn of events towards the end of story 1.
The only thing i didn't like is the use of "goddamn" or goddamnit". It always seems wrong when English people say that. It just doesnt sound right to me, it's too American sounding, but maybe that's just a quirk of mine.
No other criticisms, high stars awarded and i'll read more at some point too.

Nathan

Humour needs originality, a fresh and unexpected viewpoint, a sudden unexpected shift of the ground beneath your feet. 'Take A Sick Break' certainly achieves this, and will surely polarise readers. Well good for you Christina! Stories not for the faint-hearted, a book best left not on the breakfast table but in the bog. I laughed out loud many times, and I don't do that very often, being jaded, cynical and miserable. So thanks, and good luck.

Backed Take a Sick Break. Read chapters 8 and 11. Both were laugh-out-loud funny: Carol getting duped by her friend into paying for a night on the town and Princess Penelope with the large head. Will keep coming back when we need a good laugh. Hope you will check out our book, Dark Side.
CC Brown

Wow, what a ride! I loved it! Just finished chapter 2 and enjoyed it immensely, especially the surprise ending. Didn't see that coming. Your writing is superb and so vivid. I could see every element taking place as I read. I never though I'd say this, especially after writing a 31 chapter novel myself, but it was most refreshing being able to read a story straight through in 15 minutes and the end resolve so soon. Short stories can be fun reads too! I wish you the best with this! A definite backing!

Debbie Martin
IN THE FAMILY WAY

Speaking as someone with a sense of humour so warped it actually meets itself to form an ouroboros, this book is right up my street. Funny, clever and damnably good. Backed without question, carry on.

Jack

Okay, then! Return read time!

So... First thing I imagine during that introduction is Chuck Palahnuik. I'm not getting as much of that vibe during the actual reading (at least not yet, as I was expecting some



Minor picky edits:

Remove the 'for fear of turning into stone' part. Anyone who even remotely knows Greek mythology will know why he feels like Perseus avoiding to look at Medusa, and anyone who knows how to read has a remote understanding of Greek mythology. In other words, it's redundant, and I feel the simile would be funnier without you explaining the joke.

Discrete=distinct. Discreet=careful/cautious. You used the wrong one.

"Goddammit" should have two d's and two m's, as such. "Godamit" is incorrect. Also, God's sake is singular (he doesn't have multiple sakes).

When you have a sentence at the end of a line of dialogue, the dialogue shouldn't end with a period unless that sentence is distinct. That is, "You know I do't like it when you curse." Daphne called out... should actually be "...when you curse," Daphne called out". I saw this a few others places as well (there's one just two paragraphs below that).

There are actually a few places where commas are needed. But that's pickiness on my part. An editor would fix that if/when you publish it.


Next minor suggestion: switch 'Bangladeshian' with 'Burmese'. 'Bangladeshian is simply too long, and an astute reader might appreciate the subtle double entendre regarding Burmese pythons.




Okay. I didn't feel like being so anal retentive in the next few chapters. But anyway, here are my general thoughts.

1. This wasn't nearly as digusting as I figured it might be, and I don't know why you exactly advertise it like that. You seem to have avoided any actual description about a morbidly obese woman having a child on the highway, which could have given your readers quite a few nice cringes, and I'm very shocked you didn't describe that cyst in the third chapter. I mean, if it wasn't your intention to be "disgusting", then there's no issue, but like I said, I don't know why you advertise it like that. I really was expecting some Palahnuik-level "guy gets his intestines sucked out of his anus while masturbating underwater in his swimming pool, which subsequently manages to impregnate his sister for the sake of exceptionally impossible incestuous grossouts".

2. I got some pretty good laughs with different lines of dialogue, but it doesn't really strike me as much of a comedy story. The short stories seem too focused on body horror and people yelling at each other for it to really sink into the realm of "comedy".

3. I like the stories themselves, so that's good. I don't know if the short stories are supposed to be connected to each other, per se, but the ones I read seemed fine enough. I'm still wondering how Daphne had a baby, though. I would have imagined John to be as careful as possible with contraception.

4. I'd suggest against repeating names in the short stories. When I saw 'John' again in the third chapter, I immediately figured it was the same guy, and I was wondering why he was with this 'Sue' woman for a little while. Repeating character names in a story is fine enough if you have a huge list of characters, you have some thematic reason for the similar names, or you want realism, but since these are short stories, I'd recommend against it. Name him Walter or something! :)

5. In chapter five/story four, the woman says something about leaving DNA behind in the form of poop. Fecal matter doesn't have DNA in it; the only way they'd be able to take a sample would be if skin cells from the sphincter caught onto it, and even then, it would be impossible to collect those from a toilet. I mean, if the woman's supposed to not know what DNA is, then I guess that's fine, but I'd recommend against saying that anyway (just make her freak out about 'evidence' instead of specifying what type of evidence it is). I did get a nice cringe humor moment with the "cheese and ham" comment, though, so bravo on that.



I'm gonna throw you five stars. The stories aren't nearly as disgusting as I imagined/hoped for, but it's mostly well-written (gotta work a bit on punctuation, but then again, so does almost everybody), and I appreciate the gall necessary to write an entire short story about a woman holding her own poop in an office building. Cheers!


-Grant Amadeus

Hilarious,

I enjoyed reading the stories although you are right in warning readers that it isn't for everyone. It needs a steel nerve and a strange sense of humor to get through the stories. you tell a story well. that much is obvious. The stry flows and leaves no room to feel bored.
I"m giving you 5 stars and will back you soon

Shirani

Chocolate Cake Dreams

I've been looking at this for quite some time, thinking "hmmm, I don't know about this cover, but people seem to like the book". Today, I finally took to the plunge and read this. At first, I was surprised to see an actual short, started reading, and before I knew it, was giggling hysterically and inviting irritated glances from my co-worker. Soon the giggling turned into man laughter, which is embrassing to admit because, I'm, well, not a man. The exchange between the characters is fantastic, it's been a while since I've "seen" such dysfunction. Both of them are so well developed, so grotesque, so perfect for each other, it's just fantastic. The ending is dynamite, I really didn't see it coming and the way you've built up to it is great. I feel that the exchange and voice in the ending needs work - the tension could be really milked there when they're in the backseat of the car. "Most beautiful thing he'd ever seen" is a cliche, and I expected a more interesting response from such a developed character. What would this specific man think of his new-born? Maybe he would notice something about the baby another person wouldn't - like a strange, off-hand thought that would describe his fascination with this miracle a lot more effectively. The last line I feel should be worked on, too - maybe even taken out althogether. They both rely on words so much as individuals, especially to hurt each other - maybe for the first time in their marriage, neither of them can say anything.
But, really with a little fine-tuning this piece is publishable, in my opinion, you should try pimping it out to some magazines, if you haven't already. Good job, my dear.

p.s. - why do the pitch and cover focus on toilet humor? this seems like a very healthy, pragmatic humor to me.

Elena.

Well what a suprise! I found 'Take a Sick Break' hillarious. It had me bursting out laughting and grinning like I was demented. This must be fitting to all humor, I haven't a great sense of humor yet it tickled my bones. Well Done Christina!
I know you worried about the crudeness and the harse language at times, but it wasn't OTT at all. It was acceptable even to a coy guy such as me.
John and daphne are such darlings. We have to laught and adore them. There are only human, speaking on behalf of all married couples these times.
It had so much sardined in to each short story.
True to life, well done! Was a real corker so far. Got to go, theres more to chuckle at.
Robert Slimm x

THIS BOOK HAS THE BEST FIRST CHAPTER ON THIS SITE!!!!!!

LIFE IS SHORT, LAUGH A LITTLE.

MR A IS OUT.

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Love the book. Really, I love it. I love cheese, candles and babies that come from no where. Love it!!

Hi Christina

I read The Trip and The Date and I have to say, I love your sense of humour :) At times very dry and at other times in your face. Extremely fun reads with good, solid, original story lines. I have put your collection onto my watchlist so that I can dip into the other stories when I get a few moments spare.

Cheers
Trent

We're a pair who can't seem to write happily-ever-after love stories, huh?

If you weren't so serious, you might try your hand at comedy sometime.

Here’s a book that it says in the pitch could be designed to be read on the crapper, and I could think of no better place to read it for it is a sick, vile, twisted and extremely funny collection of short stories filled with the blackest of humour and written with the most bizarre sense of the macabre. From women who are unaware they are pregnant to a wild variation on Red Riding Hood to a crab whom has a tragic love affair to stories that feature horses in Las Vegas meeting Elvis. It’s a wild and woolly collection written with style and panache. Having grown up reading comics such as The Fabulous Furry freak Brothers and the works of such artists as Robert Crumb and Gary Larson this collection of stories featuring both humans and animals doing the most bizarre things is a refreshing change of pace from a site congested with chick lit, serial killers, vampires, dragons and wizards. I could see these stories being made into short animated pieces in the style of the Ardman Studios, but for a more liberal minded audience. Great work Christina. I’d like to see this make the Ed’s desk. What they’d make of it is anyone’s guess.

Jonny

Hi Christina

I love this, I read 'the trip' in about five minutes flat. It made me laugh out loud in places, and what a fantastic twist at the end. Loved it, on to 'the date' now!

Julia x

Yu were right ... I loved this book.

Uni was my fav .. . Still giggling now.

You are one crrraaazzzzyyyy lady!!!

Such good fun! Definitely welcome relief after the day I've had

6/6 for madness lol

I just read the first chapter and loved it. I love the dialog and the rollercoaster ride of events. It was exciting and felt like a real conversation was going on. It went from hate to love and the greatest miracle. What a great read. I will be back to read more and let you know what I think. High stars!

I hope you can get a chance to look at Menopause. A dark comedy about a menopausal serial killer who kills all the “bad” people she has known throughout her life in order to make the world a better place.

I would love to hear your thoughts on it.

Thanks. Helen

I used to know a girl name Simona. She wasn't the wife that took all my money though :P Again, a very well crafted and depressing story. A little predictable though. Perhaps you could extend it a little so some vengence was paid. Have her watch the news and see that Simona (aka Simon) was a well known transgender prostitute had surprised her John by the name of Tom whatshisname who reacted by cutting off SImona's penus and in the ensuing scuffle managed to get the knife stuck up his own rectum. They both died of internal bleeding. A large sum of cash found on Mr. Johnson had a withdrawl ticket which was discovered to be part of a joint acount belonging to some bitch in kensington who is now rich. Sandra runs to the bank to find that in fact she did have her money back and withdrew a cool million pounds and sent it to a Ms. Christina Na.... living in Cyprus to write her memoirs. The title of the Book, "The Rich Bitch from Kensington"

It's a Christmas miracle... thank Cheese Us for gas! Christmas Carol was a very well written story. True, I expected a completely fullfilling ending, but you know, it's real life and you've got to be thanksful that even if you lose everything to a scab of a friend, you still got your toots!

Just finished reading the three chapters of Ernest. It doesnt' fit with the rest of this book,but it is a very good story. However, I could be wrong, I have a number of MAD magazine books from the 80's and they are filled with short funny excerpts, tall tales, and fun short stories. I think that is where I get lost in your work. I need to understand the format. Consider segmenting your book so the reader knows what kind of story he is about to read.
That being said, you need to edit, there are some spelling errors and word errors but I just ignore those. The story is intriguing. I look forward to read how this will play out.

Awww who knew you were such a romantic. Ch12 was funny, even if you did make me squirm in my seat a bit.

Light of my life. I didn't think she started with a black teddy, did she change clothes somewhere along the way? And as I don't understand how waxing works I wasn't really sure why John needed to watch her doing that? Maybe she wanted him to know she was preparing to have a nice evening with him. Also, were the peanuts dry roasted? I prefer unsalted myself. I wonder if this would have been better told as a journal entry than a letter to the kindly woman who answered the door, she sounded like a real nice person and I was sad to read that they didn't have time to discuss hobbies or board games they liked to play. What is a brothel anyway? Is that like a boarding school? (yes I am playing dumb here) In all, I love the punchline it helped tie the story together! If you write a sequel to this story can you have them go on a camping expedition and have s'mores? I love s'mores. She can probably stick that up her arse if it helps write the story. ;)

Your cover is good. Put some words on it, woman. :-P Fix the line spacing in your long pitch. It's making me wiggle with OCD. The pitch itself is perfect.

Love the box of chocolates analogy. :-)

I would take out the 'what she wore' after 'not that it made any difference.'

The s in 'Seven year itch' is not italicised as the rest of the phrase it. Did you mean it not to be?

There should be a comma after 'go for a drive.'

The story is funnier this time than when I read it the first time. The pair of characters are both annoying to me. I think that is probably how it is meant to be. :-)

Hi Christina, You do have an amazing sense of humour. I laughed at that silly Carol in Chapter 8. I wonder, what was the scratching all about? I thought she might have got herself something from her friend Brenda. Anyway I am putting you on my watchlist. I will read some more until I shuffle my shelf around. You have the gift of making others laugh. Will be back.
CrystalW

Just read chapter one, i will be coming back for more. I love the relationship between John and Daphne, I can imagine thousands of couples that are just like them. And what a surprise for the first chapter!

Dear Christina,
I read your first two stories and while they aren't exactly my cup of tea, I must admit you are clever and creative and your characters are very realistic. I know somewhere I've met Daphne and John.. You are probably much closer to publishing than most of us on Authonomy. Books like this one make great gifts and they have a market. Best of luck.
Caroline
Summer Rose

Hi Christina

Since my comments don't appear to have shown up from last time, I've read again the first 6 chapters (well 5, I suppose, since one is just contents; 6 sounds better).

THE TRIP:

-It is very good and amusing - I don't like either of them, so it's nicely balanced too :)
-I'd consider putting it in 2 chapters, if it was me, because it's quite lengthy
-Only 2 pushes - she did well!

THE DATE:

-The first sentence is somehow a bit off. It gives me the same feeling as if you had switched tenses - I can't explain it :(
- I quickly start feeling sorry for her, although perhaps that's a bit patronising or something. Also didn't see anything wrong with her being 130+kg - after all, I thought, I'm 175kg.... of course, I'm actually 75kg; don't know where my mind was then

THE LUMP:

-'can OF beer OF the day' - perhaps just 'can of the day' or 'beer of the day'
-'ass' is American
-The line 'It's always best to check with your local GP...' just seems completely out of place. It's like the end of a advert for the doctor's.

THE PREDICAMENT:

-'couldn't help feeling' - the 'from' is unnecessary
-'the lawyer I'd be working for' - 'that' can be removed from there. Also, perhaps 'my boss' would suffice?
-This whole story seems to be heading towards something horrifying, awkward and funny - such as the boss thinking the 'parcel' is a gift for him, or her realising she put it in the wrong handbag or something - but then it just ends happily. Perhaps that unexpectedness is the humorous twist.

DR PROCTOR:

-I'm not sure what the pun is in the first answer, but perhaps that's just me
-You have it 'DOCTOR' in the first answer, but then go to 'DOC' for the rest - I think it needs to stay the same throughout.


I liked what I read, and some of it made me a little queasy. It's better and more amusing than the book 'toilet humour' that my dad had sitting in the bathroom, so I can certainly see it getting published. I'd like to see a wider variety of genres in it (I think as long as they all have humour in common, you'd get away with it), such as a horror, the occasional laugh-out-loud one, etc, but perhaps that's best left for a sequel :)

I counted the number of books I could afford to take off my shelf, so there's space to put this one up :) Good luck with it!

I'd appreciate it if you have time to have a read of, and comment on, mine too. Thanks :)