BULB

Bradley,
I was wondering if you might help me with a design for my book cover. The title of my book is Sweet Scent of Justice. The title came from the fact that my sister's killer was captured twenty-five years after her death because he stole a bottle of cologne. I would be so grateful!
Thank you!

Hi Bradley,

Someone passed me on your details in regards to designing book covers I was wondering if this is something you may be able to help me with for my book STARVED? Thanks for your time. :)

This is a very creative book with a very strong plot and concept, and I like what little of it I've read so far. I was drawn in from the very first line and I couldn't stop reading for a long time.

Congratulations and Good Luck,

Roy Earle, "Bad Men and Bad Odds"

Well... at least you got a reviewer who had actually read your material and knew what they were talking about. I think your concepts are right on the button for the digital age. Forge on.

You have a fertile imagination Brad. I begin to glimpse the machinery that produces such a variety of book covers at such speed.
‘Dr Mamon’s spine cracked like aged kindling…’ Nice.
For God’s sake there really are such things as mizuna salad & Jiaozi beef. I thought this was a Windean extension of whitlof & hachis parmentier in the next millennium until I googled. Apparently you don’t spend all your time sitting on a rock in a forest.
And now we’re into chlorophilia – you have to be a Henry Miller acolyte.
This is all romping good fun for people who like to extend their vocabulary, and I do, but it is a novel that should be written with hyperlinks, like the Wikipedia entries. I guess if I google ‘Guahibos’ and ‘Hitnu’ they’ll be there also but at this rate of googling it’ll take me months to actually read your novel.
I get the impression you had a lot of fun writing this.
You may be the precursor, or one of the precursors, of the novel of the future, but I personally am still stuck in the world of John Le Carré et al. I love a beginning, a middle and an end all glued together with ruthless logic. But I am aware that the electronic age is breeding a new audience for whom impression is more pertinent than logic. I have two sons who work in IT and we have amicably agreed that our tastes are worlds apart.
I see considerable intelligence exhibited by the author here, and an obvious ability to write, but my own limitations anchor me to my own past & present, & I suspect that this a work for the future.
You’ve attracted sufficient backers & comments to demonstrate that you’ve obviously struck a chord that resonates with many people – and that’s what writing’s all about.
Lavois.
[Thanks again for my cover. I'll be back soon to negotiate on variations]

Hi Bradley, I'm enjoying the world of BULB, a world you have have excellent grasp of; you go about it exactly the right way - no prologues, no explanations, we have to stay on our toes and run with you. And I like your protagonist, in spite of his dreams - it doesnt matter if the context changes, human preoccupations stay the same. Of course there are questions forming in my bean - for whose benefit is this society being run? Will Ben find true or even artificial love? Will the Twins get separated? Here's one reader who would definitely read on You are on my watch list, with view to shelving that is if you don't disappear into the stratosphere. I have sent you an email re cover, I am the same person as that Frances Kay. best, FanK

This is a really good book and I'm very glad you've completed it. Many people think it's so easy to complete a manuscript, until they've actually tried. Anyway, I love this book so far and hope you keep uploading with it. :)

Love the opening: "Someone put the wrong teeth in my mouth last night". It reminds me of my college days, and as an opening statement as it is, it begs one to continue. The action moved at a good pace and the creativity amazing.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

Very interesting first chapter. You draw the reader on the first sentence! Someone put the wrong teeth in his mouth? I love that line! Congradulatons on the read. Can't wait to hear what they say. I can see the gov coming up with your scenerio for the good of the people. lol

Congrats again!

D. S. Hale

Congratulations Bradley - I can't wait for the review!! - Diane

Congratulations Bradley!! Well done and best of luck :-)
Looking forward to reading the review when it's posted.

Veronica Peace

Congrats on hitting the editors desk!!!

Congratulations with HP for BULB :)

BULB
I’m not a big sci-fi fan so it took me two chapters before I felt comfortable reading this, but then I liked this a lot. Good job. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

So glad to see you opened with that line - if not my favourite of all time, pretty near it. You've bullied, mutated, rearranged and generally bossed this into a refreshed attitude, and I'm proud of you. (So big sister)
It is as bizarre as ever, but I wonder if one can look out of a fake window. At a fake view?
There are a few tiddly bits, which could do with a straightening out. If you like I'll take another look. Remember, that altho you know the story inside out, the beginning must set the scene, this does, and you offer the framework quickly., yet there are a few tiny holes.
I've yet to read the twin scenario, so will withhold judgement, as that was my least favourite element.
I fee that by these changes, you have introduced a few typos, minor scratches to the surface body work, so to speak. It's less than two weeks now before you reach the exposing room, these could so easily be sorted by then.
Am I a nag. Neeeigh!
All together, this opener is right on the nail.
Billie

Hi Bradley,
I've read your first chapter and after a few paras to get adjusted, I liked it. Enough to continue if I had the time. I like the conversational style and the drips of info about Ben's background and obvious problems. This definitely has potential.
I saw a few nits:
"the truck eeping..." Assuming you didn't actually mean 'beeping', I think many people will regard this as a typo. If you did mean 'beeping', it IS a typo!
"Trash truck moan...while they backed..." Two different tenses here. Should be 'moaned'.
"Com" - I would have liked a brief word or two to let me know who - or more accurately, what - Com was.
"teeth are all I needed..." More tense issues - should be 'teeth were'.
"and raw flesh waves.." I found this an awkward sentence. Use of 'the' before 'raw flesh waves' would have clarified.
"my brothers bills...' missing apostrophe in brothers'.

Best of luck with the Desk, Bradley. Don't worry about a return read or backing as KING'S ENVOY got its medal some while ago. I only ask that you consider buying it, or if it's not your thing, at least recommending it to others who enjoy fantasy.
xx
Cas P
KING'S ENVOY

Hello Bradley,
It’s amazing what tickles people’s fancies. Obviously lots of people like your writing. I like fantasy and science fiction but I’m sorry to say that I just can’t get into your story. I do appreciate the hard work you’ve put into it and the concepts too. To be honest, I can’t actually put a handle on what exactly it is that turns me off. Maybe the idea of having Siamese twins as brothers is the one thing that really freaks me out. There are a few mistakes here and there, such as, brothers that should have been brother’s – I think that was in Chapter one.

I hope that you will rate and comment on one or more of my books – ‘Accident’ is the one I’d like to promote the most.
Best wishes, Charles Dyer (Mach100)

Whee! What a read. Have only read the first two chapters for now. This is really well-written and so different. Someone else has described it as trippy and I agree. Reading it on Sunday morning but wish I was reading it in the middle of the night with a glass of wine!
Sheila

Hey there, here I am – didn’t say ‘hear you later’ without a reason.

When it comes to reading online, my attention span is just a little above the average, and still these have been very smooth 15k words. I particularly liked chapter three (a great mix of sci-fi, mystery and lying foundations for further plot developments) and five (this one mainly because of how it kept me on the edge of my seat).

The whole is nicely speckled with creative phrasing and distinctive characters (although I generally felt that way about Ben the least – his personality isn’t as clear-cut as that of the other characters; then again, the fact that he’s a little lost, with his past haunting him, might account for that). I love the way you describe clouds as charcoal boulders, for instance, or even the very simple yet very effective image of someone having lifted themselves from a mud puddle.

What bothers me a little is that the mood of the story seems a tad inconsistent from chapter to chapter – it prevented me from connecting with it emotionally. It’s hard to justify, really, but each of the six chapters appears to me have a different feel – or, to be more specific, maybe – to lie in a different (slightly, but still) genre area. We get a love story in the making, a world of the future scenario and a deep trauma story, all of which lack synchronisation, something to bring them close together. I can’t pinpoint it right now and so please excuse my vagueness, but I think it best not to keep the observation from you.

I also have to admit my own ambiguous mood these days might be affecting my perception of your book and hence however I feel about anything around me might be influenced by it.

Other than that, I realise that one has to be careful not to overdo world-building in this type of writing, spill it bit by bit as the story goes on, but I’d like a bit more to contribute to the feeling that the described setting is unlike our own. While the reader gets a very strong, ‘unreal’ picture of ‘housing complexes bunched against the highways like cubic fungus’ (for example), they also stumble into the dwelling where Ben ends up after the accident, a place unpleasantly reminiscent of similar middle-of-nowhere dumps in horror movies where the sick and twisted is jumbled with the macabre.

I figure it may suffice if you add more details here and there, small things, yet tipping the balance – as it is, I felt too strung between the feeling I was somewhere else, in your vision of the future (or simply a different reality), and right here in our time and space.

To conclude, regardless of my sometimes conflicting impressions, BULB is an engaging read and what you’ve put up shows great promise. Best of luck with the ED review.

You will get there without space on my shelf so I will save that for someone more needy, but 6 stars for writing.

The book cover reminded me of something from Monte Python's Flying Circus. I wonder if that was your inspiration?
I have to agree with the notes taken by Bea Adams. The story really is a psychedelic abstraction. I thought it might have some sort of "Logan's Run" or an Orwellian type of plot, but I seemed to be misled. I also had to struggle through a few chapters in order to find out what the heck is going on. Ok, I know it's an alternative future, we have some main characters, a bad guy, but I couldn't find a connection to some story line in the first two or three chapters. It's like a matrix, a jigsaw puzzle, and I couldn't find neither corners nor edges to piece togehter the frame, so to speak. All in all it looks more like some sort of drug trip to me; an experiment of sorts that fits a very narrow reading target market, and, unfortunately, I don't fall into your group.
You still write in a cool way and I hope you find your market niche, Bradley.
All the best
Kirk

This definitely strikes me as a very interesting concept, and I love the "teeth not his own" bit at the beginning, as it's a great hook, and I love the description of slowly getting out of bed.

In addition, the topic of the story sounds fascinating. I love the idea of checking out this world in more detail.

If I was going to offer any bit of criticism, it would be to take out the email early on (waking up from sleep then getting an email with *important news* is overused so much that, while, it doesn't feel like a cliche in your work, it still brings up "haven't I read this before?" in my mind, if that makes any sense.)

a BHCG review...

The experience of reading "Bulb" is one where you either roll with it or it chafes; It's trippy.

Pet likes/dislikes/asides:
I loved the twins; as a babysitter they struck me as lovable puerile gnats.
I admired your portrayal of Lorelei and her farm: the artistic chaos and her blindsiding style of therapy.
I want to hear more talk about art, about clip art versus sourcing your own images, but I'm biased because I'm an artist.
I agree about replicators: they look awesome in Star Trek and Harry Potter, but what does it do to peoples' cooking?
Spiders = kittens! – the confusion of the senses and sensibilities is very palpable in this manuscript (I'm confused: do I enjoy puking?).
Also thank you for the sheer variety of scenes, people, side-alley stories you provide.
I didn't buy your evil-scientist-of-massive-resources as a villain: even if he's a snuff-film voyeur!
It's really hard to have things list into psychedelic abstraction and retain the science fiction elements, since they're by nature surreal fantasies to start with.

The Crux: What are you on about?
1) Is it a longing for an 'Archive' so we can display the truth of any situation, and thus be reconciled to our lives: to injury, to boners, to visions?
2) Is this a display of the ethical consequences of lives lived under the spell of self-absorption. Attempting to answer this question: is this 'watching ourselves on TV'* phenomenon we're all only just now seeing with addictive little ego traps like Facebook: what kind of people is it creating? (*my artist auntie's description)
3) Is this a voicing of the nightmares of internet romances, and the horrors and rape scenarios we envision or experience?
4) Are we going to get around to addressing what I call 'the Icarus Principle" which is: do we really want to know everything? (Or: how high can you fly before you get burned?)
5) Is this just a muddying of the water to make it appear deep, an embellishment of the art to mask the poverty of form. It it all about being trippy?

I'd have to read more to see which of these elements comes out on top, but at the moment it's #5.
And yet, I did enjoy reading this!
– Bea B.

Bradley,

You have good stuff here. Very interesting, indeed.

Troy

Bradley,

I wish I had more time; I’ve only read three chapters, and I can’t wait to move on to the fourth—and further chapters. This is great stuff—unsettling and sharply written. I love Ben’s personality and the crisp, self-consciously intelligent style you use to capture him.

There’s something of Pynchon here, but a lot more of Vollmann—and, in the gruesome perversely-compelling tree scene, more than a hallucinatory splash of William Burroughs. And yet, your work and style are wonderfully original and incisive. That’s the word I’m looking for. Incisive. Your work doesn’t envelop the mind so much as cut through it. I would certainly read this entire book. I would recommend it unreservedly for publication. It’s certainly not for everyone, but it’s exactly the kind of illuminating thing I delve into when I move away from the sensuous emotionally-charged works I generally wallow in.

I’ve read and watched a lot of sci-fi, so the unfamiliar environment was not off-putting. There’s more grotesquerie than I like, but that’s not a careful critical opinion; more a kind of emotional response. I am going to read your other stuff, and I hope this gets published, because I want to buy it and read it—in its entirety—at my leisure.

Good luck.

BHCG

Hello Bradley,
I've just read your first chapter, and I have a few comments that might help (or not). Just so you know, I like sci-fi, but wouldn't say I'm a proper fan... more of a visitor to the genre really, when chick-lit becomes too fluffy.

I like the way you write, but I think some of your sentences are over-worked ('nothing new...juice). This stuffed-full technique knackers my brain and jerks me out of the narrative, which I think is quite dangerous so early on.

I also struggle to get the teeth thing - it feels like a distraction. Unless it's a plot point later on, I'd think about toning it down, or cutting. Incidentally, I think 'Trash...' would be a very strong opening line - I loved the imagery and it put me straight into Ben's head.

Um...sorry to lurk so long in your opening lines, but I've one last point. I didn't get the whole Com thing straight away, and I felt my early and immediate empathy with Ben disrupted. To keep me with Ben, could you add a few more lines after, 'Shall I turn...', explaining and introducing Com? (in a subtle, oblique way, obviously).

On Com: I found the idea and relationship between Ben and Com a bit predictable. It made me think immediately of Red Dwarf, where the characters chat away to Holly, the computer. Could you make dialogue with Com very cold and authoratative? No please, thank you's, or friendly teasing. That coldness could morph to something darker later on (if that works). Characterising Ben and Com in this way would give the emails with Susan much more impact... the only place Ben needs to be polite and operate on a level with an equal. The only place Ben needs to behave civilised (I so hope this makes sense).

I like the idea of the twins.

There's something odd about the pace of your narrative - it felt slow towards the end of Ch1 (which is why I stopped reading). Could you end the chapter at the Flash instead? On a real cliff hanger of a paragraph (force me to click Ch 2). Could the Flash be triggered by the noisy twins? It would be great if I could feel real pain and terror through Ben - then I absolutely MUST read on. I recently read an seriously rubbish book on Authonomy, but she had this real knack of chapter endings... despite mangled syntax and zombie protagonists, I HAD to read on...Um....I may have banged on too long. I'll stop now.

Jolly well done for reaching the ed desk (and huge thanks for creating BHCG).
Best wishes for Bulb, I look forward to reading any revisions.

Carlie
PS
Very much like your synopsis - think Bulb will be great with a little rework

Unusual and intriguing. Love your opening sentence. It's a classic. Be careful with punctuation. The apostrophe used for a simple plural in chapter one stuck out a mile. Small point, and easily fixed.

Best of luck with this one. It's the most strikingly original prose I've read in a long time, and deserves to do well.

Classy stuff, Bradley. On my shelf and best of luck with the Ed's desk this month. A

I read three chapters. Time - lack of it - dictated I had to leave it there rather than an urge to end my reading. Therefore I will return to finish the rest of this soon, how could I do any other? It is excellent and reflects your amazing imagination and writing ability.

On the last point, as often happens, the first chapter did digress from this excellence in a couple of things, firstly the dreadful eeeeping noises. Actually imitating noises like this is more at home in a child’s book than literary fiction. I would strongly advise deleting them and leave the description to the fresh sounding and very apt simile you use – the whale – much more in keeping with the standard of this literary fiction novel.

Also, in a short space you use the word ‘annoyed’ twice, maybe could change one to 'irritated'. Other than that I could not fault this and you more than deserve your place at the top of the leader board, I for one will shelve your book to help you stay there. Apart from that I will keep everything crossed that you have here the next thing HC are looking for as this deserves publication, the genre and the readership of that genre are crying out for it. My very best wishes, Mary

Following up your offer to improve my book
Mary

knowledgeable, pithy, witty, and modern. Not my reading choice but many will like it. Your style evokes that of many slick writers today. Male readers will like it.mine is so different I cna't imagine how you would rate it.
Thanks
Mary

Best of luck with this.

Bradley,

You have one of those imaginations that is capable of reaching far into the future and seeing what possibly could be. I think about the Archives, and it's a possibility. Not unlike the "desks" that Ender Wiggin used in Ender's Game which we now know as laptops. They were real. Will the Archives be? Possibly. It could start with Facebook, databasing everything about us. It probably started way before Facebook. People will be reading this book thirty years from now and think, how did he know?

Com....great name. Will he go loco like Hal?

I thought your dialogue and the inner dialogue was fantastic. I look forward to seeing Bulb make the top five and I am backing it to make it a reality.

Well done!
Rebecca
~Askival

I would begin with the email from Susan. The wake-up routine is difficult to follow because of the abrupt entry of the email. Your writing is great, but in terms of character "pictures" the thoughts don't present them. Backed. Chuck

Hi,

This is a BHCG review

Plot - I have to confess that sci-fi isn't my favourite genre, so feel free to discard my comments. The first chapter really didn't engage me. I like the long pitch and it did intrigue me to read on but then I got rather lost. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I had to re-read a number of sentences. For example. "two window images beamed sunlight down as part of the alarm" I don't get this. Am I being stupid? Or is it a device to hook me - to find out what it means. Sorry to be so dense - as I said, sci-fi isn't my usual genre!

Pacing - This seems fine to me. I think there's enough backstory to let us get to know Ben and it moves along well.

Characters - good. Ben comes across well and there's an interesting twist in the fact that this is obviously set in the future but that he likes books.

POV/voice - distinctive voice although I found some of the terminology hard to grasp. For example, the sentence that begins "Nothing new about my bed hair....." I really didn't understand that.

Style - yes it is subjective and sorry - this doesn't work for me. I kept getting confused and there seemed to be so many odd terms and phrases that I got lost.

Sentence level - Good. Good variety, correct structure (as far as I can tell! I'm no expert)

Dialogue - good. I only read the first chapter but the dialogue with Com flowed and had good humour.

Originality - good. As I said, I've not read much sci-fi but I've watched plenty of films and I don't think I've come across something like this very often.

Publishability - who knows! lol This is not for me, but I really can't say that it's not publishable.

Overall thoughts. I'm just not sure. I know I said that I don't usually do this genre, but I'm quite happy to read it and have come across some very good offerings on here that I've backed. I found this all too hard to grasp, I'm afraid. You may well find that others more familar with the genre don't have the same problem, but I do feel that you're ruling out people like me who go at reading with an open mind and want to try new things.

Just my thoughts to take or leave as you wish of course! And feel free to take my work apart!

Terri

You're marching to a different beat here. Giving that it's scifi, that can be a positive as you have unique characters and funny/weird imagery. There are some amusing scenes, like the twins at the breakfast table. Your dialog is enjoyable.

The plot is a bit disjointed. There's not really a sense of tension or goals for the character. For this, it's important how you characterize this story. I'd call it scifi/humor. A whimsical scifi adventure. In that context, I think your style will make sense.

Good luck with this one. I'll back it.

Brian Bandell
Mute

Fascinating view of our immediate future.

Slightly unnerving, well written dialogue. The doctor is an intriguing character - I see the sex with plants angle has piqued his interest!
Ben is in a sorry state and he is going through the motions, trying to converse/build relationships with people in cyberspace. An interesting premise and an excellent story telling technique. I will read more when I get a chance.

Karen 19
The Way Things Are

Hi Bradley, this is my BHCG.
I am no MA creative writing so my comments are from a reader's point of view.

First point is a reflection I share with you in case you find it useful and it is how I found my profession affected my reading. I am a social worker in fostering. Lots of the children I work with have been sexually abused and some have developped very inappropriately sexualised behaviour. So reading about touching crotches in a playful way made me very sad. I don't see there is nothing wring with it personally. It is a pity the children I work with are very unlikely to ever have that perception.

And now to the meat.

I certainly found your book (three chapters read) an interesting reading, just not sure what to make of it.

In terms of plot and pacing, I found the world you create extremely confusing, but this is actually meant in a good way. It is the kind of reading I like, a new world that it is not explained, but slowly unravelled. And it made me think of so many other stories. The coldness in the voice of the first chapter reminded me to A New Brave World (I think that is the original title in English anyway, I'm afraid I read it many years ago in Spanish, sniff). The youth thing reminded me to the mother in Brazil. I really have so many concepts I would like to know more: archives, saints, new energy...
My BUT here is about that first chapter. I found it confusing, this time in the rather bad sense, I really was not sure what was going on, but I found the voice interesting enough to keep me going (plus I had a BHCG review to make). And then not only the voice but the entire feeling of the story changes in the next two chapters. It becomes more personal. We approach Ben from an emotional point of view. In my modest personal opinion, I'd move ONE to become THREE. I think after I know Ben, the appearance of this doctor that he has mentioned woudl cause more tension and woudl further spurr my reading. If I did not have to make this review, I am not sure whether I would have continue to read the second chapter. However, after reading three, I certainly woudl go for more.

In terms of characthers and dialogue, I love the dialogue with Lorelei. I also love that she has progeria. I think because of my profession, I really appreciate when people with rare conditions make it to the stories. And I also like very much Susan's letter and the reply. I think you show off there. Very witty.

Don't comment on grammar because I'm no expert, I'm afraid. I'd be very embarrassed to give the wrogn advice here.
In terms of style and sentences, I think the lack of descriptions in regards to the characters really suits this story. I find fascinating the references to the space that surrounds them, like the screen over the faucet to see the bank transactions.
In spite of finding the first chapter confusing, I did love the detached style. In my opinion the one used in the next two chapters, although with skill, feels more trodden.
Particularly in the third chapter the characters present very likeable and as I said earlier, enough elements are presented that leave me intrigue to want more.
My last but is about what it is beyond this story. Again this is absolutely my personal opinion. I found that this kind of stories are only really good if they take me to a better awareness of the human condition (sounds hefty words, but we all are humans after all), if they do not lead me to a further reflection they just become a writing exercise to me, one at which you look good. I would not ask this in the first three chapters, of course. I make this comment because I am not sure if there is any depth that we are getting ready to dive in here. If there is, then just ignore the comment entirely.

I hope these thoughts are useful; if they are not, I hope you forget them really quick!

Hi Bradley, love the way you grab your genre and make it your own.

jim

I found the descriptions vivid without that annoying too much detail bit, a hard balance but one you don't seem to have a problem with. I liked the premise but I found the shift into first person in the second chapter very disconcerting. It shifts the whole mood. I was quite interested in the doctor and in that second chapter Ben isn't very interesting, to me anyway

Creative. good luck on the list this month.

Imelda
Jumble of Emotions

Bradley-

You have managed to write the only science fiction novel I have ever liked ;)

Truly, I usually am not a fan of these types of stories, but your writing is excellent, your descriptions and characterizations are incredible, and this story is intriguing.

You did a wonderful job with the car accident scene - it was very visceral. And the frustration of Mark and Em's inaction after the accident is incredible. I really felt caught up in the moment with it. The events afterwards are troubling and confusing, but I would like to find out where this story is going.

Very creative and interesting read. Well done.

-Katy
The Promenade

Hi Bradley

You have a very unique vision which is realised dramatically in Bulb - fascinating and frightful at times. I wish you all the best, and hope Bulb finds representation like your other writings.

If you have time will you have a read of my book - Malford? Would love to know what you make of it.

Thanks
Samragi

Hi Bradley,

This is a BHCG review.
I instead of sticking to the BHCG template I am just going to point out some things I noticed. I really like the premise, it reminds me a little of Dreamscape or Until the End of the World. You have a knack for dialog it flows really well. Also, you succeeded in making a likeable MC.

Now for the BH part:
In first chapter it was kind of hard to tell where it was narration and where it was a description of the scenes that the Doctor was watching. The fonts were a little different, but maybe if you had it in italics to differentiate that would help.

Another comment is that it is hard to tell what the MC looks like. This isn't a huge deal, I have read plenty of stories where it isn't clear what the MC looks like.

The archive, the whole story is about the archive but it doesn't seem to play a pivotal role in the story just yet. It is kind of briefly mentioned (I am at chapter 5). I think it should be mentioned more and the impact it has in their lives. I think this would make it a little suspenseful.

That is all I have for now. Good start. I like it. Good luck and thanks again for the cover art.

Hi Bradley,
You have something quite special here. I haven't read such an intriguing premise for a novel in a long time, not just here but in bookstores, too. It instantly piqued my interest. And, you have the writing skills to back up your incredible idea. This was a pleasure to read, since you brought me into this fantastical world pretty much immediately. There's something relaxing about great writing - you just trust the writer and can let go to simply enjoy the story. You have it. Best of luck and even if this does not land on an editor's desk, it deserves to be published.
~ Meg

Hi Bradley,

Here is my BHCG review. I have a bit of an uneasy relationship with sci-fi/speculative fiction, hence why this is quite brief - and feel free to disregard much of what I say!

I found your writing very slick: the dialogue is crisp and colourful, and the descriptions are really well done. The accident as seen through the Grand Archive and the creepy encounter in the house were incredibly visceral. The world you create is very well imagined and the Grand Archive did seem like an extreme extension of today's CCTV Big Brother society. In fact the book seems bulging with ideas, futuristic products, and new concepts. Obviously, these are all traits of speculative fiction, but after a few chapters I'm still struggling to find the narrative arc amongst all the ideas. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy what I read, because I did, but I would find it difficult explaining the story to someone.

All in all, though, it's really well written, so good luck with it.

Rob Love
The Giant Killers

Nearly forgot mate, 5 stars to you. :)

A BCHG review:

Pitches: good mate, 'nuff said.

Plot: there is a lot of description and background info in the first 3 chapters but you've handled it well by giving it to us in short sharp bursts, especially in chapter 1, and not much in the way of action but that is a necessary evil in this sort of SF where there is a lot of wold building going on. I think that also covers pacing, too.

Characters: I was interested to see how you would tackle the conjoined twins aspect and I think you've handled it very well. They seem like a big bundle of fun, especially this early in the story. My first impression of Ben is that he seems like a good guy and good MC material. Also the intro to Lorelei is well handled and she is immediately very likeable.

POV: I don't normally like first person pov but this is good. Ben immediately has his own distictive voice and it's enough to keep me reading on.

Style: I don't normally read SF but this is really good. There's no real info overload like you can get with some SF stuff, I'm thinking Ian M Banks for one. You've given me an impression of what the outside world is like without battering me into submission with it.

Grammar: I'm not qualified to assess the quality of your grammar but I did notice one particular sentence at the beginning of chapter 2, I think, which is a really long sentence with no comma's. That's fine if the rest of your writing is like that, like Cormac Mccarthy for example but yours isn't and that one sentence does stand out for me. I had to read it a couple of times as the rhythm seemed wrong but that is the only one, mate.

You've probably noticed I copied the format from StaceyM below and obviously feel free to disregard everything I've just said. Thanks for the read, really very good.

A BHCG review: totally out of my comfort-zone so it's not as detailed as the others I've done. As always, it's entirely personal opinion from someone who reads far too much.....

Pitches: I liked them, but be careful of your use of dashes in the short pitch. In my mind (because I'm pedantic), I always remove dashes/paired commas/brackets and check that the sentence around them makes sense. That's what dashes are supposed to do, in my view - separate out a bit of a sentence that can be skipped. In your case, your SP reads "BULB is the future to blossom". LP - good, but like others have commented, I would have liked to have seen hints of the LP by the end of Chapter 6.

Plot/narrative flow/momentum: I want to see some more action by the end of C6. Especially as there's a lot of description that's confusing me and starting to put me off. Much more in this vein and I'll simply give up.

Pacing: need to pick things up, like I said. Backstory fed in nicely through his session with Lorlei.

Characters: getting a sense of Ben, but still very confused about things. I like Lorlei and Lenny reminds me of a character from a sitcom. Not sure if that's good or bad?

POV/Voicce: can't fault you really.

Style: very subjective and I'm not sure if this is my thing. I don't think it's your style that puts me off though, just the fact that this genre requires too much work for my poor ole brain to cope with.

Sentence level etc: On the whole, very little to fault here (and usually this is my biggest section). Couple of issues I did spot though - watch your comma usage. There are a few extra ones slipping in places where they're not needed (including your LP), but that's in my view and comma's are pretty subjective.

Tense issus in a couple of places, the most obvious was when describing Lorlei: "She had eyes that could see many things others don't". Should be "couldn't".

My other gripe, that falls loosely under this section is in the letter to Susan. Why is he describing the twins in such detail (eye colour, hair, height etc)? Isn't this just an obvious way of describing the twins to the reader? that's what it feels like to me, anyway.

Dialogue: No glaring issues.

Originality: reminds me of George Orwell and John Wyndham, but as I don't read more modern sci-fi/speculative fiction, I don't know if this idea has been done to death or not.

Publishability: In the right arena, this would be publishable. the manuscript is in good shape - it's just not really my thing because of the way my brain processes information.

I'm not sure if that'll be any help to you or not! I'm prepared to give most things a go, but I do really struggle when I can't understand the characters or their surroundings quite early on. Really good fantasy/sci-fi readers are able to transport me beyond the confusion of the setting and give me a character I can identify with right from the start, but I didn't feel able to connect with Ben so I just felt lost. It's maybe something to think about, but if the majority of your readers are more interested in the surroundings than the character, then you won't have a problem. That's not meant in a bitchy way!
Stacey

I first spoke about your cover designs as most people often give you great comments on your work and I felt it appropriate to mention that and convey their thanks for all your hard work.
Q: BULB by Bradley Wind.
As I read the intro I feel a slight draft down my back.
A: A draft? with that fur coat?
Q: How long have you been in the forums Brad?

And what are you famous for in the forums?
A: How long? Since April fools 2009.

Famous for? You'd have to ask others if I'm famous, but I suppose a few know me for my book covers.
Q: Yeah...that is what I heard.

Have many covers have you done?
A: a little over 900
Some can be seen here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bwind3/sets/72157617997470513/
Q: Darling are you there, or are you busy with another cover?
A: Reviewing current trends in technology and applying personal experience from my time I can see that what your grandchildren's world will be is... somewhat of an efflorescence...but you know... it depends on certain tests now being conducted in Geneva turn out... bah, all related to multiple universes etc.

I like your hair.
Q: Exploring the consequences of scientific innovations is way beyond my call of duty.

As a writer of science fiction which part of the brain are you using?
A: My degree is in art. My daily job is directing IT for a non-profit.
I don't write scifi... well... didn't intend to. I think of it more as Speculative Fiction...recently a friend called it Bizarro Fiction (which was a new genre to me) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bizarro_fiction
so to answer your question...both I believe.
Q: Would you like to elaborate on what you mean by a crossover.
Or should I add.

How do you keep the elements of your story flowing, when you reach a crossover point.
Q: Anyone traveling - certainly going through a US or European airport can't help but notice that everyone has their head buried in the screen of an electronic device of some sort. When I flew recently it really reminded me of BULB and how the world that Brad envisions may not be as distant as we think.

Dearest Bitch - may I ask a question too?
A: I recognize the need for genres, but I don't think about them as I'm writing. The flow is like eating spicy food and my nostrils reaction...natural.
Q: I meant crossing over in the story sense of the word,

without you´re reader wondering whether your next chapter is present, past or future without having to refer back.

A: If you follow the work of Raymond "Ray" Kurzweil or Michio Kaku...and believe in their timelines...you'd know you are correct.
Q: I was wondering if you were inspired by the current proliferation of "i" type devices and kindles, nooks etc. or if you were writing this well before the rise of apple?
A: I finished the first draft in 1999.

Luke Janklow offered representation for it in 2003.
He didn't sell it. I think he was busy with Simon Cowell and some movie productions at the time. Or it could've just sucked in the form it was then.

Certainly when I started looking at it again after I started my latest book (was a bit worried I'd be treading too familiar ground with my latest and wanted to re-familiarize myself with what I'd done in Bulb) I thought it in great need.

But I've enjoyed watching some of the i items and other things I touch on...come into being.
Q: I was wondering if you were inspired by the current proliferation of "i" type devices and kindles, nooks etc. or if you were writing this well before the rise of apple?
Would you say this is a story about an ancient ritual which can only be viewed by futuristic technology.

http://www.authonomy.com/books/28887/bulb/read-book/#chapter
Q:
A: The archive.
When light technology is further developed, and can be far more greatly programmable. It will be released. Eric Drexler wrote a book on Nanotechnology that discussed the potential for Nanotech altered matter to go out of control and a gray goo would consume all. I don't see that happening...don't think he did either...if I'm remembering all this correctly...has been many years since I read his book...but I think there may be a certain infection potential with light as well... in any case... once we can control it, we can start recording everything that it reaches. Dr. Mamon has created the archive using the informed light technology.

The Archive is a bit like the net...will include the net to some extent. A place where you can examine your life or anyone's...and any aspect of their life...

So Bitch, I'd be able to see what soap you used while showering this morning and if you flossed.
Q: In the first chapter you set a scene which is rather phallic in it´s interpretation,

would you say that the ancient ritual of the Guahibo people and the male erection is symbolic of what in BULB?
A: Actually I've been reading a lot about cult figures in history for my next book but prophecy is easy when you're writing about the past.
or most of man's history, we were in far greater communion with nature. Evolution connected us all to all...and still does I suppose but we've got various barriers to nature now. Most barely know where their food comes from beyond the local grocery store. Few folks with dirt under their nails anymore.
There is a need to prepare myself, and potentially others for the enhanced evolution that is underway. For how we are joining with technology. Comparing/contrasting sex rituals of the past...using them to talk about our how our relationship with nature was once a ...closer one. was the idea.

But you know...anything that is longer than its wide and all that.
Q: Would you say there is an element of folklore in your story?
Q: I'm here.

I have a question...

Wind, do you comb your beard?

And...

Which of your books do you think best represents you? I read a healthy chunk of both Bulb and Calculated Embellishment and found both to be very different. Is there one you prefer?

A: My focus in art school was on non-western art history. Well, my degree is in painting...
but I spent a good deal of time reading and thinking and making images related to world myths/folklore.

Some elements are probably still being processed and leaking out.
Q: Would you say both books are ready for publishing.

Is BLURB ready for the desk.
Q: What do you say to the people who compare your book to Avatar (or am I the only one...)
A: I'm waiting to hear back from my agent who said he's got notes for me about BULB. He's incredibly sharp/insightful so even though I feel it's ready...there's always room for improvement.

ACE is being considered by editors now...and the insane amount of time some of them take to get back to you...glacial...maddening and especially since none of the rejections have been consistent so far....so I'm waiting to see from others if there's anything that stands out as why it might not be ready.

Q: Q uestions are here for the taking Brad.

This means they have read part of your book.
A: you have been the only one to suggest it...I'm still not quite sure I see the connection? Both are in the future? heh.
Q: The blue tribal stuff - sex with flowers. Ok. Maybe I am the only one.
A: Did they have sex with flowers in the movie? I can't remember.
Q: Well not really - but they commune with them. Like I said. I'm the only one.


Thnak you for making the show.

Good Luck.