Lost Isis

Mr. Bailey, I started "Lost Isis" today and I am really enjoying it. I really like the first chapter. I know the second chapter is necesarry to move the story forward, but the action does slow a little. Third chapter is great and I will be back for more.

Chris

Lost Isis,
After reading the first 2 chapters, I have to admit that this is extremely well written. Author's name has nothing to do with it! So this is NOT nepatism! In fact, I don't know if we're related.

Bailey has an excellent premis for this story and the hook in the first chapter is compelling. The flow and pacing keep the eyes moving right along. It does slow a little toward the end of Ch2, but not significantly.

Tight enough that nearly every word and paragraph moves the story forward to this point.

There were multiple missing commas, but the other mechanics appear to be fine.

Worth the read,
Raechel
Echo

I read the first two chapters and like how you reeled me in by setting up the mystery. Good job. Dina of 33 and Halo of the Damned

Love the Egyptian mystery motif. Backed and ready to read. If a chance, appreciate the return read. Dina of 33 or Halo of the Damned

The only problem I found was a few paragraphs from the end of Chapter 4, where you state "The policeman beside Jon looped his arm through Jon's..." Since this sort of repetition is one of my failings, I thought you might could say "A policeman looped his arm through Jon's..." This is a good, fast moving read. I thought you handled the loss of memory quite well. I would be interested to read more as you post it. Jesselowe

This is just excellent. Intriguing and wonderfully paced. You certainly have the knack of writing a page turner, so can we have Chapter 11 soon please?

I'll star it now, and bookshelf it very soon when I can clear a space.

Waldstock.

Lost Isis
A good indication to me if the book has potential is if I'm drawn to continue reading, based on the structure, the characters and, obviously, the flow. Since I'm on chapter 6, all things appear to be aligned. The plot formation and pace really keep readers on the page. My compliments on a fine idea.
On the technical side, the manuscript can use tightening and I simply don't care for the near death paragraphs in the beginning. I would start with his coming to and the nurse, unless the images you are showing us are directly connected and crucial. Even so, those images could be inserted later.
I will star and continue to read and place on shelf as soon as possible.
Lenore
Surviving the Seaweed

I love Egyptology so I was intrigued from the time I read your pitch. When it came to the story I wasn't disappointed either ... I was instantly hooked. Your short, sharp sentences gave the start a good pace which you maintained. This is the sort of book I'd choose in a book shop so I really hope it makes it onto the shelves.
I found a few little mistakes in Ch 8.
'His liked snap decisions', (he liked)
'hoped over another wall' (hopped)
'relaxing with eat bite' (each)
I loved 'One man's personality was another's disorder' - how true that is.
In Ch 10 you have 'Sweat and sour King Prawns' which I hope is 'sweet'!
Only little typo's but I loved the story and can't wait to read more.
I've star-rated it and backed it.
Gill

Captured by the premise. Intriguing. Relishing the read.
Tom Balderston, The Wonder of Terra

Ah Egypt, I love stories about the Egyptian Pharaohs and yours seem to fill the Bill well. Your narrative is well put together and consice. The dialogue realistic. You have created a good story from your imagination. The characters are complex and charismatic. The question is as a reader will I buy this book from a book shop, and the answer is hell yes indeed. I can only say hat I think as a reader as I am not a qualified critique or anything like that. Good luck with its publication and God bless.
Pamela 'THE OUTRAGE'

This is awesome! Obviously, I love stories about Egypt and I love the way you mix ancient with modern, reminds me of Wilbur Smith. You've written an exciting story here and even the early chapters make me want to keep reading. I'm a huge fan of books like this. You picked a great subject with Tut, there is so much mystery around it, it will draw in readers no doubt. I liked your dialogue and your characters, both feel well developed and believable. As usual with this kind of book I got involved and stopped looking for typos and stuff. But reading wise, this is great. Awesome description and detail, hard to do with the blend of old and modern. High stars!

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Hey Murray,

I gotta tell you brother, I wish I had your skill as a writer.

Here is what I oberved in ref to what i am referring to by saying that (3 points):

1) You are careful not to overuse adjectives and adverbs. Something Mark Twain made reference to throughout his life about writing.
2) The structure of your work appears "very" crafty. (I had to throw in that one). LOL
3) You use short sentences often, sometimes flashing two worders that build and compliment action sequences. Strong!

Dialogue. Again here you seem to accel. I use the three dot method so I am a fan of it. You incorporate your dialogue well, your pages look like pages should look. That matters to agents / publishers etc,..

The story is good. Starts well, quickens soon and keeps you. Essentially, that is what you want.

You punctuate well. I found one single missed question mark in CH9. It came right before I learned a lesson about insertion of action in the middle of a third's dialogue. I've always broke it with("), added my action of another character such as, Bob listened as he walked across the room, then I start dialogue again. I see you dropped a line and used:
He continued. Followed by (:)

I learn something all the time. Anyway, the question mark, if it is bothering you was in the para just after that example. No biggie as editing would have caught it I'm sure.

In CH10. There was one little thing I was curious about. Be mindful, I'm American so it could just be different dialect interpretation but Vanessa was trying to convince Jon not to go and retrieve the laptop. You wrote:

Vanessa said, "I don't think it is safe for you to go get your laptop just yet. We'll sort something out. Meantime, I'll help with the clothes."

Did you mean to use "meanwhile"? or "In the meantime" perhaps (?) Just curious.

Great plot / great structure / GREAT WRITER!

Emmett
(E M Delaney)
--THE VIRUS

Very intriguing beginning and a gripping pitch. Who doesn't find the Egyptians fascinating and magicial? Nice natural dialogue. I want to find the time to read on. And one thing's for sure with a nurse rushing over to give pour him water and sooth his brow he sure ain't in a NHS hospital!

Very good! I could add all sort of things about the charaters (beleivable), the story (interesting) and so but it all adds up to be 'everything is 'very good'! I keen to read the next chapters.

Liked the pacing which made it very easy to read through to the end of ch 10. Lots of intrigue, and a unique MC, I can't decide whether Jon does actually know what's going on or not, and what is the story with Vanessa? a little to eager to please...or is she?... you'll have to add some more chapters so I can find out. Enjoyed this and hope you do well with it, have starred and added to W/L
Babs