Dated

Thanks, Tracee. I did finish it, but it was my first novel and it needs a lot of work. I will revisit it at some stage and do a rather major editing job on it!

Hi there

Great start !! Where's the rest of it?

I really like your style..... I'm writing a similarly themed tome, from a slightly older and female perspective.

Thank you for introducing me to that lovely song by Fisher too.

T x

Thanks very much, Ruby. Having revisited it after writing my second novel, I think this one needs quite a lot of work (I'm happy with the writing, but it needs much more in the way of parallel strands) so will be revisiting it after I've completed the edits on novel 2.

I love this - A man's perspective on dating and relationships in the 21st century. Has it been done before?
I have a little bit in my own book, but not like this; not the whole storyline.
Its a brilliant idea and one I wish I had thought of myself - even though I am a woman!
I think it will go down well with Harper and Collins when it reachers the editors desk.
Its well written, easy to read, no sign of obvious edits, and really good fun!
I dont think it should be like the usual womans chick lit, after all its about a mans point of view, isnt it?

Its a winner, and I cant believe why it hasn't reached the editors desk already - well yes I can, its because authonomy doesn't really work on how good your book is, its more about popularity and luck. Its difficult to get people to back you and stay with you, and difficult to get them to return comments. And not everyone has time or the energy to be on the site for hours on end! (Authonomy is just a race to the editors desk, and hopefully a bit of advice on the way, if its any good)
Make sure there are no edits and put your book on kindle, if you haven't already.
Ruby Middleton(Will Ryan)

I wish I was a guy who wrote chick lit - great PR angle! Have you on my WL and will give it a whirl. Maybe you could put mine on your shelf - Heroscope - chicklit with humour. Best of luck!

I spotted this manlit novel and took a look. Stars for you, Ben. Well written and entertaining. Keep going. Lara
Good for Him

Nothing more sexy and fun than a man who writes compelling chick lit! Wonderful and certainly on my shelf for at least 24!
Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Thank you all very much for the kind comments, and to Blueboy and Jaye in particular for the very valuable feedback on the dialogue. Jaye, you correctly picked up on the dilemma here: it is where a lot of the humour lays, so it's a tricky one balancing out comic effect and realism.

I'm new to the site so it will doubtless take me a little time to get the hang of everything, but I shall take a look at each of your works in return.

An entertaining read - the Jane Austen starter ( slightly adapted) worked well it being a truth universally acknowledged that we all want our bachelor friends to marry and so rush to find them marraige material. I loved the unfortunate Question and answer - Just so do we realise in life that we have just misread the question. I'm sure fans of the genre will love this, quite a few others as well probably - a really jokey style and plenty of sly unexpected incidents/replies/observations. I agree with Blueboy though - the language seems to Indicated striving for effect occasionally, instead of just telling the story, but since a lot of the charm lies in the language you will have a hard time deciding what to cut (how helpful can you get). Have generously starred and watchlisted (takes ages to rise to the top of the watchlist I find) and look forward to following your progress. All the very best with it. Jaye (The Fantasy Trip and Runa Seven)

Dear Ben, I love that dating & the "search for love" is 37 year old Stephen's quest, being newly divorced, as your pitch portrays. :) His 1st blind date set up by his friend, Helen was great & I liked that Ali believed in the Bible :) - "the literal Word of God" :) - asking him if he found her physically attractive blew the whole date, but that's the way the ball bounces & he was honest, so why waste his time unless they became friends & fell in love. :) I laughed out loud as I read, " she hits 37, & wants to be pregnant by sundown" :) - & I'm still laughing. :) I liked Helen's advice to Stephen not wasting his time with a flake "when he might miss out on hooking up with a future partner." :) Great write. :) I'll write in my mind that he meets someone & they fall in love & live happily ever after. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist to read & to at least 24 hour back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book, in return? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :) - click on author's name, scroll down on their profile page & click on their book cover or title :) - & you are on your way :)
None of this comment is copy/pasted & is written my best from my heart. :)

Your voice is strong (one of the best first person voices I’ve read)—but your witty, protracted verbiage is a little too consistent for your own good. Break it up, pepper it around sparingly, so that it does not seem false and contrived. Easing off a bit will give you a more natural sounding first person voice. In real life people don’t talk like that so consistently. It starts to noticeably wear on the reader, more or less, around: “I am not what one might consider natural parent material.” Your voice needs a dose of directness to balance it out. “I am not natural parent material.” Is a breath of fresh air from all the bush beating. Sorry. Don’t let you voice become a cliché—everything in moderation.

Your strong point is your ability to tell the story: to push the narritve forward with the right mix of humor and details without burrying the narrative. That is a skill most first person writers on this site have not mastered--so good job there. You structure is spot on for first person, very natural and flowing, consequently your narrative pulls the reader along. That’s the mark of a natural story teller as my professor would have said (OMG now I am starting to talk like him). lol You’re backed and good luck with your writing.

Please read some of my manuscript when you have time and let me know what you think.



blueboy

:) I will comment on your book after I've read it - read & commented on 3 hours later :)