Luminous Dark

“Luminous Dark” by Ross Clark is a well-written story of alienation and despair confronted by the challenge of personal intimacy and hope. The setting in Russia provides an appropriate arena for the central character, Waverley James, to work out and test his objective of withdrawal from the world and disengagement from humanity followed by suicide, because of the role language plays in the plot. A foreign language can be alienating, but it can also provide a second window for looking both out into the world, and into one’s own soul. James’ encounters with various Russian or other foreign personalities highlights the role of language in challenging our deepest assumptions about self and the world. Moreover, James’ Scottish origin and dialect, versus the Russian expectation of a perfect “Englishman,” are themselves an occasion to examine the roots of James’ alienation from his own self, indirectly expressed by his distancing himself from his father, to whom the text of the novel is ostensibly addressed. James’ preoccupation with urination is a Freudian attempt to expel whatever internal demons beset him with regard to his childhood upbringing and the traumas he experienced within his family, and perhaps his own manhood (represented by his father and the Russian males with whom he discusses his heterosexual desires in frank situations, such as the sauna in which male nudity is an undisguised element). James has an attraction to Natalya, a fellow English teacher, but cannot successfully express it even when Natalya offers herself to him sexually and romantically.

Another important theme besides language and masculine alienation is religion, brought out especially in James’ probing conversations with Erwin, a traveling German evangelist. The title of the book, “Luminous Dark,” has a dual reference to James’ impending physical blindness, which is one of several causes of his despair, and the mystical Christian notion of God’s radiant revelation of himself in the beatific vision, which is so powerful that it blinds the human senses, even as it increases the sensitivity of the human soul and spirit to the truth of being. Erwin tries to convince James of the incongruity of atheism (fostered by Russia’s communist past and rejected by ordinary people, as represented by a Russian taxicab driver, who states that everyone in Russia is now a “believer”) and the order inherent in the world. This order is not yet apparent to James in his personal life, and it remains to be seen in the novel, which is yet incomplete, how this particular issue will be resolved.

From a technical standpoint, Ross Clark is obviously skilled in his use of language, although I found it difficult at times to tell if some of the constructions he was using apart from the obviously colloquial Scottish dialogue were a reflection of Scottish English, such as the use of the passive voice in expressions such as “was sat” or “was stood.” There are many vivid and lyrical descriptions of the Russian surroundings, my favorite being Chapter 6, describing James’ walk through the snow and his encounter with a fierce dog that is eventually run over by a car. The opening paragraphs are full of tension, and the interesting syntax used by the author only serves to heighten it. I caught a few minor grammatical mistakes that an editor would easily spot and fix. This includes the now universal improper substitution of the nominative in place of the objective or genitive case, such as in “between you and I (Chapter 2)” and “of he and Svetlana’s bedroom (Chapter 13).” There are also some typos, as in “had long since drank” instead of “had long since drunk” (Chapter 3, paragraph 1); “scolds” instead of “scalds” (Chapter 7, last paragraph); and “art neuvea “ instead of “art nouveau ” (Chapter 10, paragraph 5). The reference to Cor 3:16-17 should also be replaced by 1 Cor 3:16, as there are two of St. Paul’s letters to the Corinthians.

My perspective is that of an orthodox Roman Catholic, and so I must be very careful in endorsing books with graphic sex and/or violence, as I do not wish to promote either. In the case of “Luminous Dark,” the use of graphic sexual references is native to the book’s premise, which has redeeming features. Perhaps I shall wait for the manuscript to be completed before deciding to put it on my bookshelf as a sign of endorsement, to see how the fundamental issues posed by the author are finally worked out.

Eduardo P. Olaguer
("The Power of Four: Keys to the Hidden Treasure of the Gospels")

Luminous Dark, by Ross Clark

This rare six-star novel is one of the few unpublished works I have read from start to finish (offline as a beta reader) without ever questioning its merit for publication.

The opening line, “So this is me leaving you now,” immediately yanked me into the story. And here is a story where character, voice, plot—it’s all interconnected, one, woven together until you cannot distinguish one from the next.

Waverly James is a flawlessly honest, though undeniably imperfect character who narrates his journey toward suicide to his father throughout the novel. The use of second person in this way creates a feeling of spying in on something private, and the content of the novel supports that feeling with its raw honesty.

Waverly does not hold back, does not make excuses for his flaws. He is completely at terms with his failings and wrong-doings. His secrets are bound to shock the reader, not only in what he has done, not only how precise and honest he is about those things, but also in how the reader will find themselves feeling about those things despite themselves. This is the complexity of a real person living in real situations that do not fit together in perfect categories of right or wrong, forgivable or unforgivable. It is only Waverly who can forgive himself, and he has no desire to do so. This adds to the believability of the narrative. While as an outsider the reader can commiserate with what Waverly has done, if they were to put themselves in his shoes they would not forgive themselves either. This is the kind of pain that cannot be healed, and it is no wonder Waverly wishes to escape his very existence.

Between the somber tone, the content, and the setting, the reader is completely submersed in Waverly's world--inner and outer. These things work together to create an ambiance for the novel that hangs over the reader and clings heavy to them like smoke. The Russian setting is a fantastic mirror of Waverly’s inner turmoil: He has turned himself cold to the world. He is shutting himself out, trying to break all ties, trying to resist creating any new connections. If the reader can separate themselves from the narrative, they will see how someone can appear completely plugged into life and into the lives of those around them, while on the inside being completely detached…though this does not come easily. It is Waverly's goal to keep a distance. The world is working against him, and for that the reader will be glad, though Waverly’s body does not resist shutting him out, as his vision rapidly starts to deteriorate as the novel progresses.

The writing style is fresh, from the well placed details to the strong character voice and dry humor, and the narrative is honest and lush with three dimensional characters. Waverly tries to resist as these characters try to attach their feelings (and beliefs) onto him—to this he succeeds, which leaves the reader with complex feelings as they will not want Waverly to meet his goal, but can also relate to not wanting these character’s passions and ideals to be adopted by the narrator. So many characters are trying to help them in ways I, as a reader, did not want him to be helped. I was glad that at no point did he accept their help, though at the same time I did want to think there was help (hope) for him yet.

Ross Clark writes his character’s expertly, allowing them to be complete in themselves, to reflect themselves as they are and as they would wish to reflect themselves, not as the author would like the reader to see them, leaving the reader free to draw their own conclusions and form their own opinions.

There is so much to be said not only about the story here, but in the way it is delivered. You know a novel is worth it weight in gold when you cannot sum up the complexities, and this book is one such case. Deeply layered, filled with metaphor that spans the story and that breathes through each character, this story needs to be a book because a summary would never do it justice. This novel is an example of words put to good use, and will leave writers elsewhere envious of Clark's craft. Seemingly without effort, he has crafted a story that somehow makes the words in other books look empty--black spots filling pages. Here the words mean something more than themselves. As the saying goes, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This is a quote that has always boggled me, but as I write this review I finally understand the meaning.

The market is void of anything as original and yet timely as this, as anything so completely honest and subjective, and yet this novel is a classic waiting to happen. The emotions are there, but they belong to the reader. This book will not disappoint. Take Notice--Ross Clark is a true author in the making, an undiscovered gem that will not go unnoticed for long.

Hi Ross. This is an extremely interesting and unusual novel. The style is quirky and memorable, and I genuinely think you can write; this is not always the case with other writers on this website! Well done. This deserves to do well.
Perhaps you would like to cast your eye over 'Jelly-Boy'; that is if you can bear to read about a hungry teenager gutting, cooking and eating a seagull...
Backed and starred.

Och, wee laddie, tis fine writink.

~AudreyB

I know Luminous Dark has done the ed desk and won a star, but I'm putting it back on my shelf. I want to re-read it and remind myself of Ross' exceptional writing talent.

Mary

The very first line, "So this is me leaving you now" is a real catcher and as the story unfolds the reader is not disappointed. Technically skilled in the use of language the writer explores many layered themes throughout the unfolding story which maintains the reader's avid interest. During my review of this work I noticed it had made the ed's desk and it is indeed a worthy submission. The number of bookshelves and w/l applications really says it all. I wish you every success with this fine piece of work.

Hi Ross, I am not sure whether it makes any difference whether I leave a comment or not, now that you've made the desk, but I owe you the read. Sorry its taken so long.
I liked the pitch and the bookcover.
I read five chapters, and I can't say I've read anything so unique and origional for a long time, and every chapter all so beautifully written.
I hadn't realised how little knowledge I had of Russia,. And you described the country so vividly.
I can see why it made the editors desk, and it certainly should be published.
6 stars
Ruby Middleton(Will Ryan)
Thanks for the great comment you left on Will Ryan.

In Soviet Russia, Dark Luminous' you!

Just started reading this and am really enjoying it. Congratulations on hitting the editor's desk.
--Nick

I know some people have read this twice. I myself have not because I suspect you are secretly a voodoo adept disabling the manhood of all who read your words. I have not been able to urinate freely in months. If i read LD again I fear my friend would shrivel away. Damn you, Sir!

Luminous Dark is the Bruce Springsteen of books, the Guinness of beers, and the Cheetos of late night drunken snacks.
Bill Scott
Haktaw Heart

Dear Ross;

I immediately connected with Waverley because when I was in Russia, I had trouble peeing too. This book reminds me of something I read last year, "Memoirs of a Rabid Slut Monkey", even though there were no similarities. Send my regards to Natalya and I hope your children grow up to use water bottles properly.

Congratulations, Ross!

Hi Ross
As you are only a few hours away from making the editor's desk, you have very little need for comments. Just as well as I am a bit late to the party and only just started with your book. I have read the first five chapters and will be back to read more. There is very little to add to the singing, and justified, praise you have already received. This is a beautifully written story with a unique and compelling voice. I loved the way you write and the intrigue you spin into the story.
I wish you the very best of luck with it and if there's any justice we will be seeing this book on the shelves of Waterstones before too long.
Best,
Ian

I have read three chapters. 'Gritty' is the word that comes to mind. The PC has a harsh attitude towards life. I am reminded of the works of Denise MIna.
I'm sure this will appeal to those who like reality. I have had enough of it .
The fight between the boys was well described and contained all the elements of true drama. It made me recall my various fights at boarding school.
I'm sure there is a large readership for this.

Fascinating writing style. Will happily back your book again, as soon as there is a place on my shelf.
Best wishes, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Ross, I hate first person present...but now I hate myself for hating it. Your voice is so unique, I wouldn't have wanted to see this story presented in any other way. *Vot*... Just don't you eat this manuscript as you make your wish. It has the luck writ large on its pages.

I have a lot more to read, but wanted to make this brief comment before backing it, hoping I'm not too late to make a little difference, help keep you on that desk.

So far I've found a perfect mix of tragedy and humour, during the flight, the flashback in our hero's mind, his taxi ride, down to the very pictures conjured in that hostel with a beautiful neighbour to boot. All of life is going to be found here and in Nizhny/ex-Gorky, I'll be bound. And of course, the pitch/premise promises much of this.

Teeny crits thus far -
*You would get him telt*. I can guess, but... okay, I give in.
*....she plants another Famous Grouse in about the empty miniatures cluttering his food tray*. Not sure, but I think I'd consider adding 'whisky', for the non-imbibers hereabouts. Also *..in about..*. I'd consider just *amongst/amid*.
Lastly, and I'm not sure about this at all, but I wonder if his name could show somewhere by the end of 2. There, said it, and I think I can even see why you haven't let him say it. (I'll see when I read some more!)

Oh, one thing for the HC Editor's benefit, in case they're not told these things - I saw on your profile page that this is around 80,000 words. Under the book's bits and pieces, you've got it as complete, showing only around 49,000xxx uploaded. S/he might think it's a wee bit short! I don't know if you can fit it in the pitch, but what I did was add a line at the end, saying mine's complete at 125,000+ words, although of course only about 50k is on here, and I've labelled it *Incomplete* - which I know is a bugbear for all of us on here. There should be a third option for *complete but not uploaded in entirety* or something! But a lot of others here have taken to adding that line in their pitches.

As I said before, I think you have a highly unique voice - possibly THE most unique I've ever seen. The humerous parts are understated, so much so they're painfully funny. The tragic episodes - his flashback thoughts, and his current thoughts of intent, do not pile the agony on one iota, but reveal all in their poignancy.

For now, high stars and a measly backing I hope you won't need - wishing I'd seen it and done so earlier.

From Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Hey! Sorry it’s taken me so long to get a review to you, but I suppose you’re pretty much guaranteed a spot on the ED so I don’t know how useful I’ll be. In any case, here goes!

Chapter 1
- I absolutely love the first sentence. It sounds like something from a song.
- I can definitely relate to the MC…..airplane conversations are so awkward and annoying.
- I’m starting to enjoy 1st person POV more and more on this website, and I love how the MC is speaking to someone, making it sound like it’s me which makes the book much more personal.

Chapter 2
- As much as I love the writing, I’m still wondering about the main character. Although, I could just be impatient.
- There are some sentences which could be taken out, such as ‘He introduced himself.’ You then have the character actually introduce himself, so you don’t really need that statement.
- I like how you write Mikhail’s ‘English’


I’ve been reading more, but I don’t think many more comments are necessary. I love your voice and style. There are only minor things which are easy to edit out (some missing speech quotations) and so far only that one sentence in chapter 2 which isn’t necessary. You can keep it, but I didn’t see the need for it. Other than that, this is a rather interesting story. If anything, I’d love some more description of Russia: the feeling it gives, the smells. You’ve pulled me only part way into the Russia of your book, but I’m still dangling on my couch in North America.

Good luck with the Desk!

- Nichole

Hi Ross, The premise for this is so intriguing and would seem a challenge in filling out. You've done that, making your protagonist so sensitive to every outside encounter, such as on the plane. Then it's fascinating to see how a person in such a state of mind responds to Russia. The second person inner correspondence he has works well and his obsession. At the same time, the environs come out with their detail, providing a dual experience and one that might confront his aim.
All of this is smoothly written so that the three points in the narrative, the protagonist's aim, the person he's so despaired at, and the Russian experiences, create a suspense. It's not so often that such an inner story can feel active and with a plot other than the destructive one that could take the main road.
I feel that more is going to happen and that this is a book to keep reading. Excellent tension and balance going on. I'm glad to support it as it goes to the Ed's Desk Shelved and many starred - Katherine (The House in Windward Leaves, The Swan Bonnet)

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Luminous Dark
Chapters 1-4

Ross, the imagery in your opening chapters of a man travelling to Russia with the darkest intentions, integrated with flashbacks to different times in his life was vivid and totally transporting. I can appreciate why this book is so high on the ED’s. I’m surprised it hasn’t been snapped by up a publisher or agent since being posted on Authonomy.

Hope to find time to read more...

The unexpected humour in Chapter Four, Waverly’s conversation with Vadik about the girl, was priceless. What a hoot.

On the readers comments, a few of which I’ve only now looked at: I was astonished by the reader who felt that snow being ‘light but relentless’ didn’t work and that ‘relentless’ might be better changed to ‘constant’. I couldn’t help but think the reader totally missed what it was meant to convey ... and conveyed so well.

I agree, however, with the reader who suggested this sentence in Chapter Two would be more powerful if simplified: ‘I answered in the affirmative through the equally stealthy medium of raised eyebrows.’ Too much here.

For the reader who questioned if 'marshrutka' should always being in italics. Yes, foreign words should ALWAYS be italicised, no matter how often they are repeated.

A number of distracting typos that need cleaning up. I have no doubt this book will find a publisher. Great work.

I will take the time to finish this one. Already on my watch list Ross.

Ross...have enjoyed reading the first page of your novel and found myself drawn to your voice, hook, description, setting, and the characters involved. This is masterful.

Hi Ross,

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to read your manuscript. Congrats on your climb in the charts!

You have a very unique style in your writing, from the first person – present tense, to the flow of your words. That being said, some of your phrasing is a bit hard to follow and sounds a bit strange to my American ear. But if that is your style, then it’s something the reader will get used to as they go along.

A few notes:
*The first full paragraph is worded a bit awkwardly for me. What about using ‘sitting’ instead of ‘sat’ in the first sentence?
*The story about Zico made me want to cry!
*Watch out for missing quotation marks in dialogue and missing punctuations at the end of sentences. Even some places a semi-colon or comma could be inserted to help the sentence flow better. Also sometimes the 3rd period at the end of an ellipsis is missing.
*I also noticed a few missing letters in words here and there (Mster/Mister -Mikha[i]lovna).
*Is Iryna related to Mikhail? If not, her last name might be too similar and could cause confusion.
*Waverly is really bad luck for animals!
Ch7:
-I stand there with my hands behind my back… *isn’t he sitting in a car?
*It’s a little jarring when you jump into a flashback in the same tense as “present day.”
-…it scolds (scalds?) my tongue.

**Overall, the story moved a bit too slow for my personal taste through the first 8 chapters. I want to know more about Waverly and his glaucoma or whatever is causing his eyesight to deteriorate. Why is this so detrimental to him that he needs to end his life? What happened with his father that this is directed toward him? I should want to keep reading to find out the answers to these questions, but sadly, I don’t think I’m connecting to your story and characters as well as so many others have. I truly hoped I would. That being said, I obviously fall into a very low percentage :). I do want to thank you for asking me to read this and I wish you all the best!

For the right audience this book clearly soars and will continue to fly right off the digital bookshelves and into stores.

Many Congratulations,
Wendy
Breakaway

Beautiful, at times jaw-dropping writing Ross -so many small moments of magic to savour. This is crafted, expertly crafted writing.
The paragraph "The absurdity of my situation kicks in....." took my breath away -lyrical, other-worldly, and perfectly shaped.
Also loved "She extricates herself from the bathroom with the same ceremony it took to get in" -lovely comedic lyrical -reminded me of the best of Captain Correlli's wry descriptions.

Just to help you and perhaps shorten the odds of HC offering you a fat, heavy envelope....I'll just note down a few images/phrases that you might consider reviewing/revising:


Chapter one

'he has the need of the toilet' -a little olde English -perhaps something about the drinks he's had -to reflect his character
" I think on you" -a typo?
"familiar celebrities showcasing unfamiliar products" - familiar to whom?The MC? Doesn't quite work for me. A bit wordy and general -I lose the narrative eye a little -perhaps describe the absurdity of one or two that the MC is seeing and don't include the adjectives -giving the reader space.

Ch. 2.
" I answer in the affirmative through the equally stealthy medium of raised eyebrows" -a bit wordy-maybe better sparer -"i raised my eyebrows slightly in the affirmative"

This reaffirms my faith in the meritocracy of Authonomy. I would back you but you don't need it.
I will rate you max and buy your book though!

All the best,

Kaal Kaczmarek

Excellent. The story pulls you in from the first line and keeps your interest. On my shelf as long as need be and six stars. I have no book here so don't worry about a return read. Enjoyed it.

Happy to give you a spin on my bookshelf. I hope that you will visit my novel "Ana Grace - A Heart's Journey" and decide to return the favor. Thanks, good luck and God Bless!

I've added you to my bookshelf. I will read it but I will leave one comment. Don't like to litter pages with comments when one over all will do. Please be patient and be kind enough to remind me if you do not recieve a review in a few days. My wife is in the hospital so I'm running. I've placed my latest non-fiction here for review feel free to read it. https://www.facebook.com/ReginaldLeviWalker

what a beautiful title! and the idea! wow!

Having read the first three chapters I can honestly say that I'm very impressed.

The protagonist is clearly defined and incredibly well characterised. The supporting cast adds an enormous amount of depth, even in the small portion I have read. The premise is very intriguing and the opening chapter offers up just the right amount of information to keep the reader wanting to continue (and I would continue, right to the end if the opportunity presented itself).

As for style, I am reminded of two very different novels.

First, the use of semi-phonetic language during flashbacks (into which I was drawn without a moment's hesitation or any feeling of pausing the story to catch up on backstory) reminds me of Irvine Welsh's "Filth". However, whereas Welsh's Glaswegian is only readable if you are familiar with the dialect and accent of the host city, Clark's use is much more accessible.

Second, the scenery of Novgorod is excellently written. It carries the personality of the city as easily as it does that of her population. The only other novel I have read that does this so well is John Le Carré's "The Russia House".

In all, this is a very accomplished piece of writing and well-deserving of publication.

Ross,
"Luminous Dark" introspective and in the first person has a feel of realtime as I piggyback on Waverley's POV traveling into the heart of Russia, with the suicidal intent of a sparrow throwing itself against a glass window. Your keen eye on local colour and your equally keen ear for the vernacular serve you well as you dress your narrative in relevant detail. The undercurrent of humour isn't lost on me working my way forward chapter by chapter. Thank you so much for the fun read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I am excited to have an opportunity to read your book.

Wow
I can only say 'wow'.
I have read only three chapters and I am already shaken. Actually, I am crying.
Well, you need to understand that I am a social worker by profession and I work with broken families. I am very emotional towards certain subjects. Because I see them. Every day.
I dare not ask you how you know what you know, because I cannot think of any painless way of acquiring such knowledge. On the other hand, if you know by intuition, you are indeed a remarkable observer.
On teh literary style, I think you master the style that you have chosen. From the very opening sentence your are already gripping the reader by the throat. That sentence it so powerful and evocative.
I found your sentence construction short and straight, very fluid. Never read one twice. Dull somehow, but in the best meaning of the word. This is a person who wants to numb himself, sentences have to have life sipping away from them, not into them. Yet, from time to time, in perfect balance, some spark. I coudl perfectly picture all escenarios and all people.
I can only find one word to describe how you distribute the information to help the reader guess who is the character talking to (I guess is his father): PERFECT. Far too many times writers, unpublished or otherwise, rushed to give the information, making it completely unreal. The character knows who he is talking to, so of course he is not going to say.
I do think using present tense and seemingly addressing it to the reader is what makes this story come to life with such power, such gutting power.
Oh, I also love that you are not afraid to use words and actions (read, masturbation) in such a natural, ordinary life way. Because that is exactly how they are.
But I have saved the best for last. They way you construct your character. The subtext is his narration, how much is left unsaid but can be filled. You strike a beautiful balance and create a truly three dimensional character, stretching to the unknowns of the fourth dimension, I'd dare to say (although understand I've ust seen Cosmos by C Sagan).
You narration is so intimate that I felt as if we were intruding. How can anyone know these things unless they have lived side by side them (don't fear I am implying anything, because indeed I have seen a handful of movies/books with a superb research and lots of sensitivity).
But what really makes your book GREAT, setting it apart from just a very good narration, is that it has the power to evocate, as I read the reminiscences of this character, I feel taken to what I've seen. To what I see in life.
Thank you very much because it has been a very enriching experience.

PS. A note on bookshelf. Mine is full at the moment. But if I see you slip down, I will create space. You deserve to be top 5.

Best of luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

While the story does not appeal to me, this book seems to be well written and clear. I would probably buy it as a present for a man.

I'm completely convinced by this brilliant novel. What joy! The writing is intense.

At the end of 4, I was surprised by the joke, "about six inches, give or take." It seemed out of character for a man contemplating suicide. The exchange with the "vampire" has all the usual fabulous, grim, bathos and despair, except that his mood cracks with that joke. Maybe his discovery that the petite girl presents a last challenge before the rope tightens, ends his suicidal tendency surprisingly early in the novel. I shall read on...

Hmmm, somehow I thought I had previously commented on this fascinating novel. What a way to go about describing the story of an individual contemplating suicide. Fascinating, indeed! Having not yet read to the end, I am not at all certain just where Waverly ends up --

That being said, this is a book very deserving of publication. While each book on authonomy has its own unique contribution to the literary world, Luminous Dark is one of those rare finds, a book that will stay with you long after closing the back cover. Excellent work!

Shelved with pleasure!
Justis Call
Snow Bound

Finally, I'm able to properly review this amazing novel. Unfortunately, I'm pressed for time, as I'm at work, but at least I'll be able to express exactly how amazing this book is.

Luminous Dark has one of those plots that absolutely draw me in from the first word of the pitch. And once I started reading...I couldn't stop. You have a flawless writing style that pulls one in from the first word on the page; as I read, I found myself comparing you to one of my sister's favorite author's, Markus Zusak, who happens to be one of my own favorites as well. You both have a unique, intriguing style, but personally I think you have something a little bit better than most authors.

The imagery is phenomenal. You use perfect words to describe scenes perfectly, and I'm blown away by that. This novel is easily one of the best I've ever read - I sincerely hope it gets published, so one day I'll be able to purchase it. :)

You have a gift, Ross - a talent I'm not so sure that I have.

Good luck. :)

I really felt for Waverly. I could feel his pain jump off the pages and into my soul. I wanted to help him. The way you described Russia was also very vivid. I could feel the hopelessness that many felt.

I could not stop reading this, felt that I was leaning forward the whole time, trying to get the words down yet relishing too. Needless to say, definitely my type of read. From the first intimate sentence, I was pulled into your story, into the perspective of this character, into the moral question and practical conundrum in which he finds himself. Your descriptions are immediate and vivid, feel important even, and your pacing here, the way you intersperse dialogue with action, with memory...well it is of these smooth transitions that I am most jealous! If I offer any suggestions at all, it would be in regard to the first chapter. I love the uneven and often untraditional rhythms of your prose and moments of tenderness; however, sometimes just sometimes, it was a bit too much.
You never want the reader to have to pause to ascertain meaning, to double-check the words or to be distracted.
Examples: "engineer," which I would move up in the sentence closer to where it belongs; and the last "you and I,"
which feels forced. But these are minor and few. I also felt that this chapter ending came up much too quickly...I think you could expand that first impression of Russia for effect. But enough of that. I loved this, simply loved it. A rare full star rating from me and if I thought you needed my help, I'd shelve it. I think a better compliment would be to read more, which I intend to do.

---Mary

Hi Ross

I have only read a couple of chapters so far, but really enjoy what I have read. I think that its brilliantly told and fast paced. My only question I have is in chapter one - it says I think on you - I am not sure if that is a very Scottish thing to say or if it should be think of you? Not sure. If its a deliberate thing, completely ignore me! But either way, fab story!

Julia x

Ross,

I decided to stray out of my preferred genre, and picked this simply because it was on the ED. Usually this ensures I'll enjoy what I read, and this is no exception to that rule. I'm no literary master; for me, writing is about telling a story, so any underlying analysis of the human condition etc that you might have here (that's an educated guess by the way, and if it's wrong, it further serves to prove my point) passes me by. But I can comment on the more basic stuff.

This was an interesting read. The main character was put across well as a person, though three chapters in and I'm not really getting a sense of anything I would normally relate to suicidal tendencies, for example despair, misery etc, other than the difficulty in urinating. If anything, he seems to be going about it all in a very pragmatic fashion. However, this doesn't put me off the story, if anything it makes me ask why, and that's a sure-fire way to keep someone reading, so I hope it's all clarified at some point (preferably fairly soon).

Given your choice of perspective, the writing generally flows very smoothly and I had little difficulty in reading through it, thus allowing me to engage with the story. I've never been to Russia, though through our modern society's endless forms of media I have developed minor sterotypes of the country and its inhabitants (Mikhail is to Russia what...well, Rab is to Scotland I suppose, haha), and your work panders to those very well, thus ensuring that I easily conjured up imagery of the character's surroundings and companions. I am intrigued by the 'you' character - I think this is a clever little plot device that serves to jab at the reader's curiosity and, because this is done on a fairly frequent basis, it builds up into anticipation, then to an almost overwhelming frustration to know who this person is.

Finally, a quick comment on punctuation. I think a handful of sentences would benefit from being broken up with commas, though that's being picky and, as this is a different genre to my norm, it's not necessarily applicable. There are some very minor oversights, such as missed full stops and speech marks, but this tends to be true for everyone, and I can certainly relate to how difficult it is to pick up on them all while editing.

D M Sharples.

Like the dead blue url links - great imagery
I've always been scared by balls coming at me (my only, and quite pathetic, phobia) and I'm a cat lover so this part of the story deeply resonates.

Para 4 last line should be you and me, not you and I
Para 8 need a space before my feet
Ross, is this useful? I can't help editing but will stop now and read the enthralling story

Obviously your mother tongue is not English and the majority of the people reading this will realise this and stop after the first line or paragraph.

I did not, I read to the bottom of the page to try and fathom out what was happening. I thought this was a dream sequence because of the tense.

Your syntax is awry and you are writing a novel in first person/second person in the present tense???

I suggest you study English literature, this will be a great help to you.

By the way, who are you referring to when you say "You"? I don't know you at all.

Hi Ross,

I read the first three chapters and figured I’d better comment.

First, I love your voice. Very unique. I’m not usually a fan of the first-person POV, but this fits perfectly. You successful portray the character’s depression without making him whiny, which is hard to do, and you do it in a way that flows very well. It’s not a choppy read, and the imagery is fantastic.

Below are a few things I noticed from each chapter. I think the biggest thing is the punctuation needs scrubbing. There’s a lot of long, free-flowing sentences that are well done, except it’s easy to get lost in them because there’s no pacing. Proper comma use can solve that pretty easy, so I wouldn’t stress it much. The writing is very good and your voice is excellent.

Chap 1 – Great chapter! I love the imagery and how smoothly you paint the picture of the obnoxious passenger in the seat next to the narrator. One small thing…

“The man sat next to me on the plane is bound for the oilfields of the Caspian, an engineer.”
I think you’re meaning the man who sat next to me, perhaps? I guess technically what you have works as a sentence. I just had a hard time mulling through it.

Chap 2 –

“As a centre of Soviet arms production (should be a comma inserted here) Russia’s…”

“In Soviet times (should be a comma here) the city bore the name…”

Don’t forget, double space after colons.

“I did not choose Gorky’s The Lower Depths (should be a comma here) but had it chosen for me.”

There’s more like this. Small stuff, but something to take note of. A lot of missed commas where they ought to be, but not a huge deal. I don’t mean to say you should go crazy with commas, but sometimes they can break up longer sentences, thereby helping to maintain control of the pace at which the reader reads.

“The absurdity of my situation kicks in…”
I really like this. I love how well you gradually incorporate the process of depression. It’s not just sadness. And I love how every outlook is pessimistic, but not in a way that’s too overly dramatized.

FYI…the acceptable spellings for ‘ok’ are typically the full spelling of ‘okay’ or capitalized ‘OK’.

“I do not” needs a period at the end.

Chap 3
Looks like a typo here…”her new boy racer boyfriend.” Probably don’t need that first boy, unless you’re trying to say he’s just a boy, in which case there is probably a better way to write that.
…except now I’m seeing that boy racer might be a term I just don’t understand. In that case, you capitalize it in the sentence thereafter. Should it be capitalized or lowercased? Seems like it should be consistent.

“…all variations on a theme; suicide, suicide methods…”
The semicolon should be a colon, since colons are used preceding a list.

“I had spent hours sifting and scanning…”
I’d drop the ‘had’

Maybe I’m missing something, but if he’s going blind, shouldn’t he be struggling to see what’s on the computer screen? Maybe he does and I just read past it accidentally.

I look forward to checking out more when I get the chance.

Phil

Wow! Just two chapters read, and I love it. It captures the current state of Russia so well, it's scary. Happily shelved and I'm excited to read more

Normally when I do a critical read, I keep notes on each chapter, but you've done your editing well and there is very little to point out. Apart from a very, very few typos, I just ended up marking brief impressions on some of the chapters. Your writing is lovely. It's smooth, vivid, and inviting. There are moments that are nearly too painful to read. There are a couple of places where I began to lose interest, but these were never long enough to stop me from seeing what would happen next, and I was never disappointed.

Chapter 2 -- I really didn't have time to start this, but it looked so intriguing I had to at least have a quick look. This is the sort of thing that is my downfall - really well-written, compelling material.
I'm beginning to feel sorry that I like our hero so much, since this could end up being a very sad journey, given the scenario he's described...

Chapter 5 -- I have to say, you have quite a terrific writing "voice." The first line in your first chapter was great -- "So this is me leaving you now." The first line in chapter five is perfect, too -- "Iryna Mikhailovna's eyebrows are tattooed on and she makes a point of using them."

Chapter 6 -- Another sad, sad chapter. You write beautifully. Your descriptions are amazing.

This is really quite an interesting story.

Chapter 9 -- You've continued to manage to keep me, and this is difficult to do because I'm very tired. I've had a long day and am looking forward to another long day tomorrow...

Chapter 10 -- I really have to put my foot down and stop reading soon. I'm making a deal with myself. I'll read through Chapter 12 and then I have to go to bed....

Chapter 11 -- Ah ha! Finally, a typo! In the paragraph beginning with "I hesitate. In recent months..." A space is needed between "months" and the next word, "I"

Chapter 12 -- Among numerous beautifully composed sentences throughout this manuscript, I particularly appreciate this one: "...and the sleeves carry on six inches after I have ended." It is both descriptive and endearing.

Chapter 13 -- By the way, I really like this idea you've brought up a couple of times, that with each language that you learn, you become another person in that language. (So that you are a variety of different people, depending on what language you are speaking.)

"She gave my feet to Natalya." Another simple sentence that makes Waverley small, like the coat sleeves, and again, makes him more accessible, someone to be cared for.

Chapter 14 -- Good Lord, I found another typo! The paragraph beginning with "I have prayed for you. I have prayed that you will open your heart..." In the last sentence in that paragraph, there is an extra "you." The sentence reads:
"It is then YOU that you can best hear what he has to say to you."
The first "you" following the word "then" needs to go.

Chapter 15 --
I can't believe I've found another typo, Ross. This story is so well-edited I'm shocked when I find one. In the paragraph beginning "You know, the idea that science and God stand in antithetical relation to one another..." The third sentence reads:
"I have spoken to many scientists, doctors, engineers and so forth were once like you but whose work has made believers of them."
I believe the word "who" needs to be inserted between "forth" and "were." Then the sentence will read, "I have spoken to many scientists, doctors, engineers and so forth WHO were once like you but whose work has made believers of them."


The following might just be me. In the paragraph beginning with "Erwin was outside the bone-hewn structure of the parliament at the duly appointed time." the following sentence seems awkward to me. It might just be me, I'm pretty tired right now. But this is how it reads and it's the last part that seems awkward:
"He thanked God for letting him fall in love for the first time, he marveled at the feats of engineering that were the Liberty and the Szencheyni bridges, and he engaged in conversation tourists and passersby."
I'd say "...and he engaged tourists and passersby in conversation." I think the way you wrote it is technically right, and the way I wrote it might be wrong or less right, but it sounds less awkward to me.

Mowtown -- It's spelled Motown.

Typo -- In the paragraph that begins "The place was rammed." Second sentence needs the word "to" between "tried" and "shout."
"Gerard pushed his way to the bar and tried TO shout his order over Smokey Robinson and the Miracles..."

Great tactic for breaking up a fight!!

Chapter 17 --
What is "looked like a.. a.."?

Typo, the paragraph beginning "Whisky is not my drink." The second sentence needs the word "at" after "was" and before "a." "Last time I had it was AT a house party when I was at school that ended..."

Typo, the paragraph beginning with "He had the right idea, the Dnieper merchant." Third sentence, the word "from" is misspelled "form." "You can't go wrong if you throw yourself FORM a building..."

Terrific sentence: "Whenever I even considered it I thought about the time I spent three-quarters of an hour on the third-level diving board of the Commonwealth Pool before I chickened out." More endearing material. I'm going to have a rough go of it if Waverley actually goes through with his plans.

David Galsworthy? The Bhophal Disaster Medical Appeal David Galsworthy?

I like this: "...his face is lived in..."

Chapter 18 --
This story is still as interesting as ever. I've settled in with the characters, and am wondering what's going to happen, if anything, with Olyessa. Or Natalya....

Chapter 19 --
Typo in first paragraph, the second to last sentence. "The probability of me getting a chance run of ten heads is a millions of times greater than that of our universe...." Either remove "a" and have it read "...chance run of ten heads is millions of times greater..." or drop the "s" from the word "millions" and drop the word "of" so that it reads "...chance run of ten heads is a million times greater..."

[ Opinion -- I have to interject at this point, because of the number of times Erwin has talked about how it's impossible that "chance" could create us and the universe. To me, this doesn't make a good argument. If there was a big bang and then the universe began to expand and life developed and mutated to survive, it could eventually, through evolutionary trial and error, get to this point, where we have these wonderfully developed senses and we live in this magnificent, life-sustaining home. Erwin's argument does not persuade me. I am not sure if it's supposed to or not, but it doesn't.]

In the paragraph in italics that begins with "They part and step back..." and following that paragraph, I do not understand the use of the upper case "Me." I am clearly missing something, but I'm not getting what it is. I am tired, and perhaps I should save further reading for another day, but I really want to find out what's going to happen next!

Ah ha! Luminous darkness!!

BRILLIANT!!! I love this!!

Typo in the paragraph beginning with "His angel was visiting someone, not Erwin." In the sixth sentence there is an extra "her." The third and last "her in the sentence needs to be removed. "They shared the rolls and the coffee then left her backpack in his flat as he took her out into HER the city."

I think perhaps the word "who" or "that" is needed in the following sentence from the paragraph beginning with "They came to the Hofgarten."

"They just about got their hands in the right places but who was leading who seemed to alternate with every other step, despite the helpful head-bobbing and counting out of eins-zwei-drei, eins-zwei-drei thrown their way by a crop-haired woman in a dirndle WHO (or THAT) stood by the speakers."

Chapter 20 --
People still won't leave when they should, when all the warning signs tell them to go. They don't go.

I think the word "could" is supposed to be "couldn't" in this sentence from the paragraph beginning with "It was Dück who was leaning over him..." Same sentence, "...drying what Erwin could swallow from his chin..." seems like it should be "...drying what Erwin COULDN'T swallow from his chin..."

Typo, paragraph beginning with "Two days later they finally left the train..." There is a "b" that should be "be" in the seventh sentence, "Erwin heard a man behind him tell another it was too cold to snow but Erwin knew this to BE impossible and so..."

This is one painful chapter (20). But as with everything else here, so well written.

Chapter 21 --
You have so many great lines in this manuscript! "If Natalya has a type, one of us in not it." I really appreciate the humor following such a rough chapter.

Chapter 22 --
Typo, in the paragraph beginning with "A traffic jam." In the seventh sentence the word "the" is missing from two spots. "The three faces, pressed tightly together, are so close to THE camera that there is nothing else in THE shot."

Chapter 23 --
Your use of occasional extremely short chapters that pack a powerful punch is excellent.

Chapter 24 --
Typo in the paragraph beginning with "They shot off, pumping their thighs and their arms." There needs to be a space between "Arkadys" and "looked" in the second sentence.

I think there needs to be a comma after the word "courtyard" in the paragraph beginning with "Kiril's mother stayed with him in the hospital..." In the fourth sentence, "Since the initial cacophony of screaming and shouting in the courtyard, Vadik's parents had not said a word to him."

Well, this is a hell of a place to stop the story!!!!

Ross, you have a very complex and interesting story here. Your writing style is compelling and you have done a terrific job with this. I sincerely wish you the best, and I look forward to reading the rest of this!

Luminous Dark is in the top five books on Authonomy for a very good reason, and I sincerely wish you all the best with this tremendous manuscript.

Cheers!
Judy

Ross.
That was so amzing.

First, I love the chronology. It was so natural and straight up without venturing off point.

The narrative structure conveys meaning and insight. The language is simple and peculiar to a typical Scottish dialect.

The conflict created around Waverley is gripping and will lead the reader into prolong suspence. I like it.

However, the dialogue at some point seemed to be mixed up as some of the quotes are not closed. Maybe it's because of my familiarity with more of African literature that I find that inappropriate.

It's a good work. I love it.

“Luminous Dark” by Ross Clark is a well-written story of alienation and despair confronted by the challenge of personal intimacy and hope. The setting in Russia provides an appropriate arena for the central character, Waverley James, to work out and test his objective of withdrawal from the world and disengagement from humanity followed by suicide, because of the role language plays in the plot. A foreign language can be alienating, but it can also provide a second window for looking both out into the world, and into one’s own soul. James’ encounters with various Russian or other foreign personalities highlights the role of language in challenging our deepest assumptions about self and the world. Moreover, James’ Scottish origin and dialect, versus the Russian expectation of a perfect “Englishman,” are themselves an occasion to examine the roots of James’ alienation from his own self, indirectly expressed by his distancing himself from his father, to whom the text of the novel is ostensibly addressed. James’ preoccupation with urination is a Freudian attempt to expel whatever internal demons beset him with regard to his childhood upbringing and the traumas he experienced within his family, and perhaps his own manhood (represented by his father and the Russian males with whom he discusses his heterosexual desires in frank situations, such as the sauna in which male nudity is an undisguised element). James has an attraction to Natalya, a fellow English teacher, but cannot successfully express it even when Natalya offers herself to him sexually and romantically.

Another important theme besides language and masculine alienation is religion, brought out especially in James’ probing conversations with Erwin, a traveling German evangelist. The title of the book, “Luminous Dark,” has a dual reference to James’ impending physical blindness, which is one of several causes of his despair, and the mystical Christian notion of God’s radiant revelation of himself in the beatific vision, which is so powerful that it blinds the human senses, even as it increases the sensitivity of the human soul and spirit to the truth of being. Erwin tries to convince James of the incongruity of atheism (fostered by Russia’s communist past and rejected by ordinary people, as represented by a Russian taxicab driver, who states that everyone in Russia is now a “believer”) and the order inherent in the world. This order is not yet apparent to James in his personal life, and it remains to be seen in the novel, which is yet incomplete, how this particular issue will be resolved.

From a technical standpoint, Ross Clark is obviously skilled in his use of language, although I found it difficult at times to tell if some of the constructions he was using apart from the obviously colloquial Scottish dialogue were a reflection of Scottish English, such as the use of the passive voice in expressions such as “was sat” or “was stood.” There are many vivid and lyrical descriptions of the Russian surroundings, my favorite being Chapter 6, describing James’ walk through the snow and his encounter with a fierce dog that is eventually run over by a car. The opening paragraphs are full of tension, and the interesting syntax used by the author only serves to heighten it. I caught a few minor grammatical mistakes that an editor would easily spot and fix. This includes the now universal improper substitution of the nominative in place of the objective or genitive case, such as in “between you and I (Chapter 2)” and “of he and Svetlana’s bedroom (Chapter 13).” There are also some typos, as in “had long since drank” instead of “had long since drunk” (Chapter 3, paragraph 1); “scolds” instead of “scalds” (Chapter 7, last paragraph); and “art neuvea “ instead of “art nouveau ” (Chapter 10, paragraph 5). The reference to Cor 3:16-17 should also be replaced by 1 Cor 3:16, as there are two of St. Paul’s letters to the Corinthians.

My perspective is that of an orthodox Roman Catholic, and so I must be very careful in endorsing books with graphic sex and/or violence, as I do not wish to promote either. In the case of “Luminous Dark,” the use of graphic sexual references is native to the book’s premise, which has redeeming features. Perhaps I shall wait for the manuscript to be completed before deciding to put it on my bookshelf as a sign of endorsement, to see how the fundamental issues posed by the author are finally worked out.

Eduardo P. Olaguer
("The Power of Four: Keys to the Hidden Treasure of the Gospels")

Ross,
Read all 24. hypnotising and gripping. a real treat.
Lkie how you tease and taunt the reader all the way through taking us on one journey after another while all the time weaving us tighter within your grasp.
Very well written.
:)
Diane

lovely writing and great turn of phrase - I like the 'mirk of the evening sky'

The story instantly drew me in. Your characters are very rich and easily recognizable, and the quirkiness of the experience is well-mingled with the tragedy of the main character and his internal struggles. It was interesting for me to look at Russia through the eyes of the foreigner. I, myself, go from West to East a lot as well, but the difference never strikes me, I don't know why, maybe because it's so natural for me to turn from a Russian back into a Westerner and the other way around, remembering the habits of moving within each society easily. For the reason of the perspective it's exotic to me, it's a fresh look on the country I know and love.
The only thing that I'm not sure works, is the reference to "you." I know this was more popular in the 80's, when a lot of literary works used this method to connect to the reader, but I'm not sure it works here. However, I admittedly don't read many books of this genre. At the same time, stepping away from fantasy fiction and immersing myself in something this different is refreshing.
I think this book will do well, simply because it's exotic for both Westerners and Russians, has interesting characters, and you just don't know how it will all end. I see you don't need much support, as this is very popular already. Nevertheless, putting this book on my shelf in hopes that it helps a little.

Elena Y. ("Oko")