The Crossing

A fine story. Fabulous characters. Devine descriptions. Adorable writing.

Puts me in the mind of Conrad, really. I kept waiting for someone to have their rescuer lean over them as they whispered "The horror; the horror".

A well written story, it bears the hallmark of literary merit and talent: Even when nothing's happening, the story still moves. As the sea itself moves, sometimes lazily rolling, other times tempestuously crushing spirits and snuffing out lives. Backed with pleasure.

PJ Wilfred
A Trucker's Tale

THE CROSSING

This manuscript is indeed well written. I love how chapter one ends. The dialogue reveals the character as well as advancing the story. And you are right - the adventure is more palatable to a woman's sensitivity.
Well done. (it this the beginning of a trans gender genre? ; ) )
Excellent six star book on my shelf.
A Zoomer

Congratulations, Faith!

You took on an action-adventure-war book normally tackled by male authors! I praise you for writing The Crossing. You had a little bit of everything in it. Exciting read for male readers as well as female readers. However, I could bet that any male author would've not written romance the way you had.

Only one thing! You had some cursing in The Crossing, so I wouldn't rate it universal. ;)

Fun and entertaining read that transports the reader back in time. The Crossing is cleverly written. I love your title and your cover. Wonderful way to tie it all up.

All the best,

LL Su ~}¡{~WONDERFLIES~}¡{~

Faith,

This is an excellent debut novel and a testament to your exemplary skills as a writer whose work deserves more exposure. Happy to back you.

Rodney

Exciting beginning!
Well written and different sort of story you don't find any more.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Interesting Idea for a story.
The title and the pitch are very good.
The cover is very creative.

Your story is very well done. Few mistakes and fascinating story. It pulls you in because it is different from the other book on here.
Super, super job!

Bria Heart <3

P.S. If you like sailing book, you should read my friend's book DRIVING WINDS. Of course, it is a different time period. :-)

This is a gripping, intriguing and masterly written. It arrests and transports the reader into this great historical novel. Backed with pleasure, Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

This is an interesting read, which quite easily takes my attention and keeps it. There is no sense that the pace is forced or overblown. The scenes are very well drawn and convincingly detailed. The characters are easily credible.

Highly rated.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

I have just backed your book. Perhasp you could return the favour and back mine, Penrose - Princess of Penrith. If you do, many thanks. Best wishes, John

I read the Assains' Village a while ago now. I like this just as much.

The Crossing - normally I don't like prologues but I think yours works very well. At the end of the first scene in the first I found my self saying, OH NO at the end. Brilliant. You manage to hook the reader at the end of each scene making it difficult not to read on. A skill hard to maintain but you do it well. I read the first three chapters and am impressed.

Backed.

This is written very well

Normally I don'

Hi Faith,

Sorry for the delay in my promised read and review! The Crossing is an interesting read. I like how you have intertwined fact and fiction, creating appealing characters and plot that drives them through the book.

Well done and best of luck! Stars headed your way!

Deb

Great stories by a brilliant mind. I backed it, flipped it around, rubbed it, put it on a bookshelf, added 5 stars...did I miss something? lol If you like join my free site www.fantasychapters.com and add a fantasy illustration or just your book cover and enjoy some fantasy writers on the site. I would love to see you there and you can even advertise your books on the site if you like. I think since a Harper Collins reviewed already one of your books you are alot closer to getting alot of books published in the near future. I will support your writing in anyway. Much love and keep going strong! Wooohaaa!

Faith-

I really like the frontal cover. Its really attractive.

Great flow of language, magical voice and solid characters make this book a must-read story. The plot is fresh and very sensible in many ways. I love the title hence it is very suggestive about life and the struggles to champion it. The writer is very keen to details that she transforms the story into a more believable event. Dialogues among the characters are well polished. I feel that we have to keep supporting writers, who are obviously keen and dedicated to their craft but they find it hard to become published. This is one of the wonderful things about Authonomy, that writers can share their work with other keen writers or readers. Your work certainly does not seem out of place on Authomony, and I can easily imagine it finding its way into print some day. I have backed your book as I felt that your efforts deserved my support.
Best of luck with your writing.

FLETCH
STORIES FROM A LEAKING MIND &

Hi Faith, This is luscious with description and it also evokes the experience of being on a yacht so that a person can become involved with the whole trip. The situation with Toby makes a great undercurrent and it's humorous when they aren't afraid of the danger he might cause. I liked how you hold back with Richard, making him somewhat distant emotionally when the premise promises a confrontation for him. It's a book that keeps rolling along; would like to keep reading! I really like your handling of these characters, revealing them with the present conflict such as Toby's coming on the trip. Shelved - Katherine (The House in Windward Leaves, The Swan Bonnet)

Hi Faith,

I just popped over to have a peek at your book. :)

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. (Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered:()

Prologue: Atmospheric opening. I think the way you've focussed on the aftermath of such terrible events somehow makes the events even more imposing. We can only imagine the horror Billy and countless others like him have been through.

Chapter 1: Dramatic scene wih Richard. What is this desperate struggle he's engaged in, I wonder? Looks like he's really at the limit of his endurance. Will he make it? Phew, he just manages to haul himself onboard the ship.

Looks like Richard's been involved in an accident at sea. Uh oh, what's this about his wife? The deafening silence is a clear answer. She's gone :(.

By the end of the chapter, Richard's in a sorry state. Fevered, possibly even deranged by his loss. I want to read on and see if he recovers. + I want to learn what caused this catastrophe.

Chapter 2: Wow it must be scary going up the mast like that. Richard's braver than me. I perfectly understand Toby's reluctance, especially after the bad experience.

Hmmm from the surroundings, it looks like Richard must be rich. This doesn't seem like an area anybody who isn't rich can afford. And the Ellentari must have cost a fortune. I like the dialogue between Richard and Toby. It shows an easy famliarity. They're obviously been friends for a long time. I'm almost surprised Toby isn't more jealous. Sounds like Richard's got it all: money, looks and an amazing wife. ;)

Uh oh they're planning to cross the Atlantic. That must be where the accident happens ...

Reading on... All the perfection of the day and Richard's fortunes almost make me wince. I know what's coming, yet he seems blissfully unaware. Connie seems gorgeous and full of life. Again, I want to wince.

Hmmm there are hints of problems between Richard and Connie, though. He seems to keep her at a distance for some reason. + Connie doesn't seem as into sailing. I'm starting to think this whole adventure is mainly Richard's dream. Ah and it looks like Toby pretty much invited himself to go along on the trip. That must have wrecked the possible romantic element :(. Richard and Connie seem to be swayed by logical arguments for an extra pair of hands, though.

Toby's a bit of a cocky sort, isn't he? He was already packing before he'd even got his answer. I also think he could cause problems, as he seems rather interested in the only woman who'll be on board for a long time. Risky. Ah... it looks like an obsession with women has got Toby in trouble before. This is starting to look ominous. He was actually forced into a leave of absence because of his actions. Toby spells trouble, I think. :(

By the end of the chapter, Richard seems blissfully unaware of any potential problems. He's just obsessed with his Atlantic adventure.

Chapter 3: The journey begins. 3000 nautical miles. Wow, long way. Everything's beautiful and the crossing seems to be going well. Even my former worries about Toby seem unimportant. Connie's dealing with his attempted seduction v effectively. The sea and the sun and the fishing all seems idyllic. I'm jealous :(. Good touch with the unseen shark. It's the 1st ominous sign on this crossing. ;)

Hmmm a storm to the South. A second ominous sign. And then Richard sees Toby getting a bit frisky with his wife. A 3rd bad sign...

The accident with Toby's wrist breaking was a shock. I didn't expect that. Looks like it was down to his own carelessness. I'm not that sad to see him hurt, if I'm honest. Bad news for Richard, though. Looks like Connie's starting to see Richard as the stern taskmaster and Toby as the victim. Not auspicious for their marriage. By the end of the chapter, Richard sees at last bringing Toby was a bad idea. But it might already be too late to rectify. His wife seems to be under Toby's spell by now...

OK I think I need to stop commenting at length now. I just noticed how big this comment's getting. Sorry about that. I think I got a bit carried away. ;)

I think there's a lot to like in this book. You've really managed to paint vivid pictures of the 3 main characters, inside and out. It's v cleverly done. I now know Toby's a bit of a scumbag, Richard's a decent enough sort, if a bit distant, and his wife is neglected and lonely. All this without any clunky exposition. I love the way you twist the crossing from paradise to hell, little by little. There have now been so many omens and so much internal conflict, a disaster is certainly looming. I suspect they'll soon get caught up in a storm, and the resulting tension will tear Richard and Connie's marriage apart. The writing's v subtly yet v cleverly done. I can see any reader wanting to read on and see what happens. What will happen to this love triangle? What becomes of Connie? ;)

I'm giving this the highest rating possible, and will clear a space for it on my shelf as soon as I can. I hope you have luck attracting an agent, as I think this book deserves wide distribution. :)

Best of luck with it,

Pete x

Hello Faith ' The Crossing'
i read and backed this book of yours some while
back in to read more last night. and found it again a very engrossing read and a page turner
highly recommended and deserves to be published
i rate it a six star read and have ranked accordingly
good luck
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

Hello Faith ' The Crossing'
i read and backed this book of yours some while
back in to read more last night. and found it again a very engrossing read and a page turner
highly recommended and deserves to be published
i rate it a six star read and have ranked accordingly
good luck
tom bye ' from hugs to kisses'

First of all, the cover of The Crossing is awesome, very well done and it draws one into the book right away. And despite this not being my genre preference, I found myself more and more intrigued with the story - the fated voyage and the realities therein. Your descriptive language allows me to better visualize the characters and the events.

Well done! Shelved with high star-rating.

Justis Call
Snow Bound
Prestidigitations

The second top quality book I've been reading tonight. The detail is totally believable and well observed and the story and based on a true incident? That always adds something to a tale. Can't find anything to pick up on - a smoothly written account, on my watchlist for now.
Cariad
STONES.

Hi Faith,

Thanks again for backing Whither Thou Goest.

Your short pitch for The Crossing is excellent, but I think you could punch up your long pitch. It’s an adventure story, and you can convey that mood by using shorter sentences and less passive voice. The writing of your current version is pretty conversational and leisurely paced.

It was the dream of a lifetime. Successful businessman Richard Barker and his wife Connie were thrilled to set off on their long-planned sailing adventure. Little did they know…

Of course you’d do it your way, but hopefully I’ve explained what I mean.

I usually read a little later in books, since so many people do the beginning. I’m looking at chapters 10 & 11 (parts 8 & 9)

Your story is a little heavy on narrative, which tends to put off contemporary readers. Try to reserve narrative for setting time and place at the beginning of chapters and sections and to transition time forward. Keep it brief and then roll right into action. For example, in chapter 10, we’ve got paragraphs about Richard’s departure from Sorrel. Because we’re hearing about it after the fact, you have to tell us what happened and how he felt.

Consider putting that scene onscreen, and let us experience it with Richard, deep in his point of view, where everything that occurs is filtered by his perceptions and understanding.

I see a lot of “telling” instead of “showing.” Instead of telling us he did this, and then this, because he felt this and thought this, take us into the scene and let us go through it with him beat by beat. Again in Chapter 10, look at the paragraph beginning “Richard next found letters from the Admiralty…” To pull this out of tell and put it into show, you could do something like, Richard thrust his hand deeper into the box and pulled out a thin stack of envelopes, tied together with a faded yellow ribbon. He tugged it free and stared at the return address of the top one: His Royal Highness (or however it would read). His hand trembled very slightly as he slid it aside to reveal two envelopes, both postmarked from the admiralty… doing it this way takes longer, and you obviously can’t do it with everything, but to engage your readers (and editors before them) you should keep all the important action immediate.

In an action scene like the one in chapter 11, avoid any long passages of description or introspection. Keep your pacing rapid and sentences short, even choppy, Keep us deep in the protagonist’s point of view so we can feel each bullet whizzing by, each beat of his alarmed heart, each stinging drop of sweat in his eyes.
You’re pretty heavy on adverb use, which editors regard as telling instead of showing. Try to show the “how” with colorful, high-impact verbs, expressive dialogue, and revealing actions and reactions.

I really like this story – I like the concept and I like the intertwined plot. The telling not showing problem is usually a pretty fatal flaw as far as editors are concerned, but luckily it’s easy to fix. It’s actually sort of fun to fix. You’ve already figure out what happened, you’ve got all your players positioned on the board, Now you just bend down and breath life into the whole business. Very best of luck with this project!

love the first opening, have added it to my watchlist

Hello Faith, I have read and thoroughly enjoyed the first five chapters. Wonderful story telling, vivid description and really believable characters. I have no hesitation in backing this and to star it with ******.
I will place it on my SHELF tomorrow when I will have some space. Good luck with this.
In return, I would appreciate it if you would take a look at either of my stories: PAPER DREAMS or A PASSING STORM, thank you.

Best wishes
Phyllis

I read your prologue and first two chapters:

General comments: An engaging start. Interesting main character. Vivid descriptions. After the prologue, not much tension in the first and second chapters. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) ' ... but to him they represented his life and ... ' Technically 'they' refers to 'Germans.' I don't think that's what you intended.
2) 'He thought about the refuges that had filed past the gates of his camp.' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) 'The surreal took over' is telling. Since you show the surreal in the following sentences, consider deleting 'the surreal took over' as redundant.
2) ' ... everything seen with an achingly clear focus' seems to say the same thing as 'all was sharply defined.' Consider picking one or the other. You don't need both.
3) Good end of chapter hook.

Specific comments on chapter two:
1) 'Up a bit more, more, more, that's it hold it! Stop!' He shouted. 'He' should be lowercase.
2) 'The light breeze of about 8 knots ruffled the oily marina water ... ' Spell out numbers 1-99. There are more cases of this type of problem.
3) ' ... as he climbed down from the cockpit into the boats saloon in response. Boats (plural) should be boat's (possessive).
4) 'My thought entirely old boy, the sun must be well over by now.' Comma after 'entirely.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.
5) Consider breaking up the long paragraph beginning 'Toby reappeared in the cockpit with ... '
6) She suddenly laughed, 'you know what he's like!' Period after 'laughed.' You can't laugh dialogue, so 'she suddenly laughed' is not a dialogue tag (tells who said something). It's straight narrative that tell who did something. As such, it's punctuated like an ordinary sentence. In this case, punctuated with a period. Also, capitalize 'you.'
7) 'Michaels only got six months before he retires ... ' Michaels (plural) should be Michael's (contraction for 'Michael has').
8) ' ... he was clearly very irate.' Consider not using 'very.' 'Irate' says it all.
9) Good end of chapter hook.

I hope this critique helps you polish your all important first chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Could you look over a chapter or two of "Savannah Fire" and let me know how I might improve them?

Have a fine day.

Al

Just nothing to criticise. A good story, well written, and polished. Marj.

Arethere no end to your talents?? One book makes the ED and then another one is right behind it! This is excellent writing and I am happy to give this a spin on my shelf because Id buy it. We ned to get you and agent ASAP!!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

I have thought a lot about The Crossing, which I found exciting, very well structured and swift in its build up of vivid characters and the sharding change in their relationships under pressure in tightly constricted, threatening conditions. Your storm descriptions are particularly gripping. I have been at sea in a small boat in a gale, and am also aware that one small error can become the first in a chain reaction.

Yet something bothered me. Perhaps it was because the maritime scenes rather dominated the early chapters, leaving Billy's prologue hanging in mid-air. If this is to be a 'twin' story, perhaps you need to cut between the plot-lines more regularly. Where the father's story goes is not fully apparent in the chapters posted.

But I also had the feeling that you had spent less time polishing this story than with The Assasin's Village. A number of paragraphs, sometimes quite short ones, had words or even phrases repeated. There were also semi-colons incorrectly used, i.e. with the second element of the sentence possessing no verb. A comma would have been fine in those positions. Sorry, but I felt this book was slightly less slick, although it has a huge amount going for it. I star it with pleasure.

Margaret Woodward : The Devil's Bairn

I ordered this book and have finished it. Very good it was too!! Particularly of interest to me was the POW stuff. My Grandad had a mate who was on one of these forced marches at the end of the war. He broke away and was starving and stumbled across what he thought wasa potato field. He bent down to lift up one and the next thing he knew he was waking up in an American army hospital! The "potatoes" were actually "Schu-mines!" Luckily his injuries were not severe. So I know your research on this period was thorough. It has a lot of literary merit. I think though it was slanted more for woman, this book, even though there is war and blood and guts. Well done on getting it published!! Regards, Mark

A fine story. Fabulous characters. Devine descriptions. Adorable writing.

What a brilliant start to a brilliant conception. I'vd only read chapter one, but know that I am going to adore this book. Already the picture of the two eras are vividly painted, as are the pitiful states of both mens' minds. This promises to be a riviting read. I can't wait - but I'll have to, time as ever on here, is pressing.

Rosemary Peel

What a brilliant start to a brilliant conception. Only read chapter one, but know that I am going to adore this book. Already the picture of the two eras are vividly painted, as are the pitiful states of both mens' minds. This promises to be a riviting read. I can't wait - but I'll have to, time as ever on here, is pressing.

Rosemary Peel

What a brilliant start to a brilliant conception. Only read chapter one, but know that I am going to adore this book. Already the picture of the two eras are vividly painted, as are the pitiful states of both mens' minds. This promises to be a riviting read. I can't wait - but I'll have to, time as ever on here, is pressing.

Rosemary Peel

What a brilliant start to a brilliant conception. Only read chapter one, but know that I am going to adore this book. Already the picture of the two eras are vividly painted, as are the pitiful states of both mens' minds. This promises to be a riviting read. I can't wait - but I'll have to, time as ever on here, is pressing.

Rosemary Peel

As wonderful as all your writing. Your characters leap to life and I love stoories about the War and Navy and will look into buying this one.

As wonderful as all your writing. Your characters leap to life and I love stoories about the War and Navy and will look into buying this one.

The Crossing.
A long held dream that, with a lot of hard work, becomes a reality with an expectedly disastrous outcome for Richard and Connie. The author's confidence is seen in the early chapters by the use of an almost leisurely pace that gradually picks up.
Richard, his wife, Connie and friend, Toby prepare for the adventure of a lifetime. The reader knows tragedy awaits them and this, I think, makes what happens even more poignant.
Very well-written throughout the chapters read and a very good read that possibly has something both men and women will enjoy.

Nanty - Chrys!

Can't say more than what's already been posted many times; I'leave it at well done, very well done, and highly rated. Good luck with a fine book.
Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

Hi Faith, I'm back on line & added Ch. 6. I did manage to get your book on my watch list when off line but it didn't get on my shelf. I will now remedy that.
Good luck with it.
Best Walt.

THE CROSSING
I thought it about time I backed your book. This needs a sequel - as so many people have already said. Fabulous story, sad and happy moments throughout.
Alice t
xx

THE CROSSING
Excellent writing as ever. 6 stars******
Jenny

Beautiful! This is a very, very moving piece of work. :) Way to go!

Dear Faith,
Don't we all dream of doing something like this. A great beginning to your story. I read to chapter two.
I really liked the opening tracing back to the war years. A good enticing piece, that was just the right length to draw the reader in. I particularly like the human interest stories from the war, and this captured my imagination. It is very hard to visualize just how awful that time must have been for so many people.
You obviously have the writing part down pat, it has the feel of a published novel. My only suggestion: maybe indicate at the beginning of chapter two that it is earlier on before the accident. I wasn't quite sure at first, and didn't know which time I was in. Just a thought.
I'm sure as with your last novel that you will do well with this.
I will watchlist for now and watch with interest. Starred as well.
Cheers Jacoba

Puts me in the mind of Conrad, really. I kept waiting for someone to have their rescuer lean over them as they whispered "The horror; the horror".

A well written story, it bears the hallmark of literary merit and talent: Even when nothing's happening, the story still moves. As the sea itself moves, sometimes lazily rolling, other times tempestuously crushing spirits and snuffing out lives. Backed with pleasure.

PJ Wilfred
A Trucker's Tale

THE CROSSING

This manuscript is indeed well written. I love how chapter one ends. The dialogue reveals the character as well as advancing the story. And you are right - the adventure is more palatable to a woman's sensitivity.
Well done. (it this the beginning of a trans gender genre? ; ) )
Excellent six star book on my shelf.
A Zoomer

THE CROSSING

The pitch for this book speaks to me. The short pitch shows that this writer has control over her craft.

Fact and fiction. A female approach to a male world. Action and character development.

Six stars. It's on my WL

A Zoomer

Faith -

The Crossing. Great title. I read to the end of chapter 3, by which time the tension was sizzling. You start with a flashback tragedy to pull the reader in. I felt a little confused but then understood. I think using the term ... rescue-net ... would have solved it for me instantly. The other little holdup was the generous use of ... around ... in one of the chapter 1 paragraphs when Richard comes to his senses. Maybe check. And a little word missing maybe ... Like (for) the others this was his first Atlantic crossing. I never knew that spirit poured into the gill of fish makes them die quicker. Interesting fact. The confined space of a boat offers fertile ground for relationship problems coming to a head. The growing niggles between Richard and Toby over Conny are really well done and I'm fully into the story and keen to read on by end of chapter 3. I rate the story with a handful of stars and will support it a.s.a. Best Wishes, Pia

How the hell had it all gone wrong? I'll have to come back to find out.

Just dropping a line, thanking you for backing my work. It's greatly appreciated. From what I've read so far, your book also looks a promising read. One worth my time.

Have star-rated and watchlisted for now. Will return for a more in-depth reading when time permits.

Again, thankyou. It really does mean a lot.

PJ Wilfred
A Trucker's Tale

Just read chapters 1-3. Very good story! Action packed - I could nearly see your thought process and I was reading the words. Which is always a good thing (by the way!)
But, because I like real critique and not just flattery, watch out for run on sentences, like at the beginning of the last paragraph of chapter 1.
Otherwise, you're golden. Very publishable. Good luck.

The Crossing
Dear Faith,
I found this an interesting concept. The way you have written in two periods and very cleverly inserted the second world war in to the middle part. You have conveyed the horror and sometime poignancy of wartime activities with great feeling and you must have spent your time in research carefully. In the first part the way you handled the storm at sea was one of the best storm secenes I have ever read. Excellent and I can see why your previous book was awarded a gold medal.
Johann

You took me into the world and held me there. Good, solid writing. Bec (Find Mark).

Congratulations, Faith!

You took on an action-adventure-war book normally tackled by male authors! I praise you for writing The Crossing. You had a little bit of everything in it. Exciting read for male readers as well as female readers. However, I could bet that any male author would've not written romance the way you had.

Only one thing! You had some cursing in The Crossing, so I wouldn't rate it universal. ;)

Fun and entertaining read that transports the reader back in time. The Crossing is cleverly written. I love your title and your cover. Wonderful way to tie it all up.

All the best,

LL Su ~}¡{~WONDERFLIES~}¡{~

Dear Faith

Sorry it has taken me a while. This is very well written and your story well-crafted and researched. The different plot lines link together nicely and as such it maintains the interest of the reader (well me at least). My only criticism is that dialogue is a little thin on the ground at times, otherwise a very thorough job and I wish you all the very best with it.

Linton

Backed again! Yusuf

Star-rated and backed. An engaging story of love and war.
Nikos

Another engaging story, Faith and most enjoyable. I've star-rated and will keep this on my w/l with a view to backing when most appropriate for you. cheers! -Liz (Meggie Blackthorn)