SLUSH PILE INSPECTOR

This is sheer brilliance, I LOVE IT! You have really cheered up a wet miserable morning, I kept stopping to read bits out to my other half and he loved it too. Excellently written I have given you six stars, can't wait to buy the book.
All the best Karen.

SLUSH PILE INSPECTOR
Mr. Nom de Plume

My favorite line is in chapter two. I laughed out loud at this one. Your writing is sprinkled with pepperish phrases and I love it.

"It's thoughts that count, not the words themselves. Smart people can figure-out mispelled words, and who cares about dumb people?"

This is the style of writing that makes me mad. Crabby. A bit pissy. But perhaps mad is the wrong word. Jealous would be more accurate. Also envious, resentful and just a wee bit murderous. Because even writing this comment I just can't do it.
I can't just write it down. I just can't cut away all the crap. I embellish, show-off, preen and try desperately to prove each and every time that I can write stuff really, really good.
And Monsieur N de P just sets it down one word after another all in a row like he was copying it direct from Hemmingway's handbook on how to write. It may not seem like there's much omitted as there is much to be read - but everything that's there is as clean as a whistle. The repetition is just another click of the camera, accurately capturing just a slightly different angle to add dimension. (At least that's what I think.)
It's two mints in one for me: part satirical insight into a little-known world, part revealing insight into the mind of an acute observer. No wait, it's three mints - it's also performance art for the mind's eye. It's got a Terry Gilliam sensibility (at least that's whose directing the movie version in my mind) played out on a Dali-esque landscape inhabited by Picasso characters.
See? I'm showing off again.
Typical.
Nicely done M. de Plume.

I could not resist checking this book out a few days ago - and, damn, I've been stuck here during any free moment whether at home or at work. Hilarious sounds trite. I adore the historical background of the prologue, and will probably obsess for a long time what could be the key word in sentence 2. :) If you haven't read it yet, I will not give you any hints as to what I'm speaking about. The prose is intelligent, tight, and paced to move. I have such deep admiration for writers with a comic gift, and this author is a master at it. Some of the funniest moments for me are actually simple statements, i.e. we also offer cleaning services, etc.

I am now having lunch with the chapter 12 friends at Pig Out Cafe. It doesn't get any better than this. Before reading, I thought this book was perhaps written in good-natured fun to give us struggling artists a break from bad news. It is so much more than that. I'd buy it for my family, my friends, and coworkers. Everybody needs a humorous break from our bleak reality.

Bravo!
Lizzi
God of Wine

This is one of the most refreshing books on here. Its so quick witted that I was breathless when I finally told myself to pause at chapter 7. I had to find out ‘what makes a manuscript a best seller.’ And then I was enlightened. “Oh what joy,” I cried as I realized my paltry manuscript had a bats chance in hell, and any other manuscripts for that matter. I believe this book and I believe Mr. Dot is a marvel. His notes on the Secrets of Bestseller Selling is a must for all authors. I will never again blame another person for farting in a lift. Highest stars go to this book because it is a highly recommended read. Where can I buy it? Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Have now read "The Slushpile Inspector" and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. It reminds me of a "road movie" (sorry film) and I got quitre attached to many of your characters. I think "Tax Crapper" is a wonderful name. Keep up the good work and the very best of luck.
Yours Bea

I am trying really hard not to gush but "The Slushpile Inspector" is well written, beautifully puncuated, intriguing, clever and "laugh out loud" funny. This is one of the most enjoyable reads I have had in a long time and I am only on chapter 4. Yours is one of the few books on this site that I intend to read to the end. I have awarded your work six stars and placed it on my watchlist awaiting promotion. Having procured my husband's ipad I hope to complete the read very soon but unless you introduce a vampire or an alternative reality I am sure I will remain a fan. I wish you the very best of luck with this project. Yours Bea

SLUSH PILE INSPECTOR
Mr. Nom de Plume

My favorite line is in chapter two. I laughed out loud at this one. Your writing is sprinkled with pepperish phrases and I love it.

"It's thoughts that count, not the words themselves. Smart people can figure-out mispelled words, and who cares about dumb people?"

This is the style of writing that makes me mad. Crabby. A bit pissy. But perhaps mad is the wrong word. Jealous would be more accurate. Also envious, resentful and just a wee bit murderous. Because even writing this comment I just can't do it.
I can't just write it down. I just can't cut away all the crap. I embellish, show-off, preen and try desperately to prove each and every time that I can write stuff really, really good.
And Monsieur N de P just sets it down one word after another all in a row like he was copying it direct from Hemmingway's handbook on how to write. It may not seem like there's much omitted as there is much to be read - but everything that's there is as clean as a whistle. The repetition is just another click of the camera, accurately capturing just a slightly different angle to add dimension. (At least that's what I think.)
It's two mints in one for me: part satirical insight into a little-known world, part revealing insight into the mind of an acute observer. No wait, it's three mints - it's also performance art for the mind's eye. It's got a Terry Gilliam sensibility (at least that's whose directing the movie version in my mind) played out on a Dali-esque landscape inhabited by Picasso characters.
See? I'm showing off again.
Typical.
Nicely done M. de Plume.

Good story but character, HAPPY DAN dampen it. How about call him appD.

Chuck,

How you doing? ;) I’m good. I read 10 chapters, even though I didn’t intend to when I started out, and have laughed out loud several times. Very funny and very engaging. Everybody needs to read this!

Madison

A refreshing, hilarious read for anyone trying to break into the business! Because, sometimes, you just have to laugh - this book will do that for you.

You write like a slush pile inspector, it's whats so different and great about it.
I love that Zelda is average, and a bit more average, because your a slush pile inspector, it's like you have no need to overly describe her as It's what you read every day. That made me laugh.
It was so easy to keep reading, until i got to 'it's because i've got a badge and they don't have one' and i had to wipe the tea from my chin and then continue.
Very original and i'll look forward to reading more.
Emma :)

This is ingenious! I've only read the first chapter but I love it so far.

Sarah
FALLING AGAIN

This is sheer brilliance, I LOVE IT! You have really cheered up a wet miserable morning, I kept stopping to read bits out to my other half and he loved it too. Excellently written I have given you six stars, can't wait to buy the book.
All the best Karen.

Hi fancy a book swap? Karamak Faking it in France.

Dear Author

I have just perused seven chapters of "Slush Pile Inspector" which just gets more and more ridiculous, in manner of Leslie Neilson's "Naked Gun" series. Find myself chortling, envisioning pictures of SPI with tattoos at parties; dolly birds on pianos, co-workers in the parking lot reading romances.

We would like to commission you to write and produce volumes 1, 2, 3 and 4, preferably before next weekend. A contract is pending, presently being inspected by one of your co-worker SPI's. Meantime, please be patient with us...your work is important to us...

Thanks for making me giggle today. What fun.

Fran :-))

Frighteningly eye-opening.
Informative, yet hilarious.
As it's complete and holding me captive, I'll continue the read when I get more time.
I feel honored to be on your shelf.
Pollyanna.

I love the humour and comic timing in this book. It has an original premise and I giggled my way through the first few chapters - it's very different to anything else I've read in a while.
Very refreshing! Well done and all the best,
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

Mr. NMD,
This cornucopia of swipes at the publishing industry is a must-read for all aspiring writers who nurture the niggling fear that their work of a lifetime could be buried in a mountain of unread manuscripts headed for the recycling bin. Once satisfied that this book is a work of fiction, these same bestseller wannabes can go on scribbling furiously in their bubbles, until they expire clueless. But then wouldn't it be nice to have a secret agent retrieving your work and putting it under the editor's nose until a proper reading occurs? Believing in Santa Claus does have its therapeutic merits. Such is true with "Slush Pile Inspector." Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I read a couple of chapters but I don't think this is for me!
I found it a little directionless, it seems to zip about from one thing to another and I found it hard to follow.
This is probably funny stuff being read by the right person, but I'm afraid I'm not it! The trouble with humour is that everyone's sense of it is different. This is only my opinion and everyone's different!
Best of luck.

Three paragraphs in, and I'm already backing it. Hilarious.

I could not resist checking this book out a few days ago - and, damn, I've been stuck here during any free moment whether at home or at work. Hilarious sounds trite. I adore the historical background of the prologue, and will probably obsess for a long time what could be the key word in sentence 2. :) If you haven't read it yet, I will not give you any hints as to what I'm speaking about. The prose is intelligent, tight, and paced to move. I have such deep admiration for writers with a comic gift, and this author is a master at it. Some of the funniest moments for me are actually simple statements, i.e. we also offer cleaning services, etc.

I am now having lunch with the chapter 12 friends at Pig Out Cafe. It doesn't get any better than this. Before reading, I thought this book was perhaps written in good-natured fun to give us struggling artists a break from bad news. It is so much more than that. I'd buy it for my family, my friends, and coworkers. Everybody needs a humorous break from our bleak reality.

Bravo!
Lizzi
God of Wine

I was hearing this read by Groucho Marx for the first few chapters. Then your narrator becomes less knowing as he hits the road with Happy Dan, and now [ch 15] he's a baby in a pool of sharks. Your one liners are great and this is fun to read, but I think it needs tightening up and editing to have a real chance of getting published. Lots of repetition and a rather loose storyline meant that my attention began to stray. But I love the idea of those Bartleby like underground characters slaving away. Thanks for an entertaining read - Frances K

Fantastic, funny and you actually make me want to apply for the job. Great, keep em coming. Thanks for sharing.

Love it. Trash CAN be cash. Shelved.
Rich Allen
'Suicide Vacation'

Managed to read enough to be sure that your zany sense of humour will carry this out of any slush pile. Masterly written! This is as good as Catch 22 in my humble opinion. Refreshing read.
Backed with pleasure!
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

SLUSH PILE INSPECTOR
This is a funny, funny book. I loved the way you explain the history of writing in the first chapter. The way your narrator interacts with Zelda in the second one is also good. Made me want to be sure my next manuscript is rejected by an editor so it can land on the desk of a slash pile inspector. Highly rated and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hello Mr. Nom de Plume. I've read the first seven chapters of Slush Pile Inspector. This is a delightful and well-written story. I love the spoofy humor. The character's descriptions of the book business is sadly hilarious. Most unpublished writers probably don't want to think the business is anything at all like this, but after they've received a hundred rejection letters, they might see some truth in it.

As I was reading, I laughed and thought, 'Hey, how can I get a job as a slush pile inspector?'

I couldn't find anything wrong with your book, so I'll just say I think you need to advertise it more on the forum.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

I read the first two chapters and honestly could not continue. I enjoyed the part about the evolution of writing though it is filled with a few inaccuracies and have a little bit of your history mixed up. If you are going for a business-like feel, "caveman" is not the accurate term to use in this case. As a student majoring in anthropology, the term is used in a provocative sense for comedians in describing ancient human ancestors. (unless your goal is to be provocative and humorous then this is ok)

Going into chapters 1 and 2, I had trouble seeing when and where your story was beginning. The sentences are simple and there is a lack of description in my opinion. I did find some parts very amusing and well written, but when a character was suddenly mentioned without any build up, I got lost.

Remember these are my opinions and I do not say you are a bad writer. I am just pointing out some parts that confused me.

Good luck

Cute cover! :)

Hey,
From the first sentence I wanted to know more. I love the evident humor and confidence of the writing. It is really good reading. Also I didn't see anything in the grammar or such that made me stop.
Good book.

Mel G

The Slushpile editor is highly imaginative, and original. It's a good read! Writing has definitely come a long way!

D.S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

Just finished chapter two, and I wanted to comment before I read on. I find this a very entertaining and very funny novel. Well thought out and put together. Well done!

RK Summers
The Albion Pages

This is highly original and beautifully written. One to watch - so I am watching.

This is a lot of fun and will speak to the heart of every writer. I smiled the entire time I was reading. Thank so much for posting this. I'm headed to chapter 2 now :)

The imagery you painted is crazy insane! Pure goodness!

Unfortunately, I can't say that I was drawn into this. The humour, which I can see why many would like it, was too much "in your face" and isn't the kind that appeals to me. There was little else in this other than humour, and while the concept from your pitch seems good, the success of this will depend entirely on if the humour appeals to the reader. So it'll be either a love or hate issue with no middle ground.

Joe

Hi Nom de Plume, The deadpan voice drew me on. This parody makes one chuckle. I went ahead to chapters about the books the Inspector found - fun stuff! Katherine

Hey there....I had just mentioned in my post that I would take a look at your book, and then I looked at previous posts I had made to you and realized I had said the same thing weeks ago. I sincerely apologize for that.

But after looking at this, I DO remember that I had read several chapters, in fact, I remember doing so while I was in the kitchen eating! I believe I somehow failed to comment! (Remember, I am a little loopy) Anyway, I like how easy it is to get into this story, to feel like we are truly in the mind of the MC. The 4 chapter cracked me up. Will continue, and highly starred:) Ruby

Silly in the very best sense.

I love the concept, but I agree with the others reviewers; some work is required for the writing to really connect with the reader.
Keep going - it'll be worth it.

Good luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

I read through Chapter 2. It was a head rush, and mostly in a good way. I laughed. I think it's got potential.

The narrative voice is great. Hilarious. The biggest problem for me is the first third or so of Chapter 1 with the circular/jerky plot progression as you pick up Zelda, marry her, go back to meeting her, mention Cindy Sue, go back to the cocktail party. It's hard to tell where and when you are from paragraph to paragraph, so that's tough on the reader. I'm not sure if that's intentional. As I was reading, I couldn't decide if you were making a sort of in-crowd joke about plot no-no's or actually committing the no-no's yourself.

Either way, once I got on to the more article-style stuff about the mechanics of being a Slush Pile Inspector, I thought the ease of reading and the pace picked up nicely. I wonder if you'd consider making Chapter 2 your opening, and weaving the Zelda and Cindy Sue plots in a bit later? I think setting up the framework of the mechanics of becoming a Slush Pile Inspector might prepare the reader better for the stream-of-conscious tone you seem to be shooting for.

Best,

Maudie

ab-so-lute-ly love it!! humour that touches the last nerve! great read :-)

Sorry, I'm not into rambling, stream-of-consciousness type works. Sometimes the jumps in subjects left me behind on the other side of the chasm.

Oh dear. I must be tremendously thick. Reading your work made me feel a little bit like being a waitress at a Tracy Emin first night, surrounded by cognescenti. I just didn't get it. I know other people get it, and I really, really want to get it, but I just don't. As I read I could feel my face morphing into polite bemusement.
Sorry, Mr de Plume, to be so disappointing.
Best wishes,

Carlie

Hello! Thank you for backing Last Debt - hope to read yours very soon. What was it made you pick my book out?

Best wishes,

Carlie

A very brief BHCG review.

I'm not going to follow my normal procedure here, because I didn't make it to the end of Chapter 1. I really wanted to like this - some of the little one liners are great. But it was so rambling, disjointed and repetitive, that I simply couldn't read any more. It may just be the way my brain works (not quite the same as Joe Average - I think in black and white terms and need strong characters and sense of place etc), but I couldn't get a grasp on your MC at all. I got lost before the "book proper" had even begun, to be honest. I couldn't work out what was happening, when it was happening, or who anyone was. You promised me something interesting with the biker dude, and then cruelly whipped that from under me by starting at the other end of the story.

So, I'm sorry, but I can't get into this and it's only fair to let you know rather than simply ignoring it. I have the capacity to love this - I will read any genre and I see glimpses of a great writer - but, in it's present form, I'd put this book down before I was more than 500 words in (I read beyond where I would have stopped in a book shop).

A very brief BHCG review.

I'm not going to follow my normal procedure here, because I didn't make it to the end of Chapter 1. I really wanted to like this - some of the little one liners are great. But it was so rambling, disjointed and repetitive, that I simply couldn't read any more. It may just be the way my brain works (not quite the same as Joe Average - I think in black and white terms and need strong characters and sense of place etc), but I couldn't get a grasp on your MC at all. I got lost before the "book proper" had even begun, to be honest. I couldn't work out what was happening, when it was happening, or who anyone was. You promised me something interesting with the biker dude, and then cruelly whipped that from under me by starting at the other end of the story.

So, I'm sorry, but I can't get into this and it's only fair to let you know rather than simply ignoring it. I have the capacity to love this - I will read any genre and I see glimpses of a great writer - but, in it's present form, I'd put this book down before I was more than 500 words in (I read beyond where I would have stopped in a book shop).

Hi there. Just read the first seven chapters of your book and thought I'd let you know my thoughts. It's good and generally amusing, although I have a couple of comments. It feels a little confusing. If it is a work of fiction then I need to know where the story is going. If it is presented as a tongue in cheek advice piece then I'm not sure who the readership is. I don't think people not interested in writing will find enough for them and the people who are interested in writing will want to learn something. Maybe I'm missing the point. I also found the first chapter quite long (I was warned I know) and a bit repetitive. I almost had enough of reading the words 'Slush pile inspector'.
Sorry if this sounds negative, especially as you were kind enough to read and say nice things about my book. I honestly don't mean it to come across that way, but feel it's more beneficial to say what I feel when I read something.
With all that said, it is an original idea for a book, and some of it is very funny. I wish you luck with it.
Best regards
Ian

Why I don't know, but this first person narrative kind of reminded me of that mad detective series written by Micky Spillane – the indomitable Mike Hammer. What brought that to mind? The drawling tone of the voice and the way he seemed to be talking to himself through a cloud of cigarette smoke, with his feet up on the desk most of the time. Well, that's the way I imagined him anyway.

Introducing a line space between the narrative and Zelda's impressive line would give more impact to the dialogue.

One thing you might consider to help draw Inspector Slush out from under his pile of manuscripts a bit more, is to minimize the “I's” in the first part of chapter one. They were a bit excessive.

Mr Dot and his contribution was very funny! As was Bert.

What more can I say, this story is definitely different. Long live the Slush Pile Inspector.

I can't work out if this is fiction or not but either way - it gave me some laughs! I love all the little one-liners scattered throughout. I wasn't expecting them. In fact I haven't read much comedy here at all so it was a nice surprise to get a giggle out of someone's work!

Lots of fun, good luck with it :)

KT

I like your cover, and suspect it has nothing whatsoever to do with the book. Good pitches. Make me keen to see if you can sustain the tone in the book itself.

Okay, I was wrong. You've mentioned yachts in Chapter one. The cover IS relevant. The 'average' description of Zelda is brilliant. It's all brilliant. Shamelessly entertaining. Completely shallow, but with nuggets of good advice lurking where you least expect them. Love it.

I was impressed with the juxtaposition of your humble beginnings in Savannah to the grand palette of New York. I was totally immersed in the meeting with your future wife at the piano and I really felt I was there watching every step in your extravagant flirtation. That said I found myself yearning for a sense of place and unfortunately for that reason I am unable to offer you good news in this instance. If I can offer any advice it would be to work hard on your relationships at home, then you will always have a good shoulder to cry on.

Felicity Crusher
Hatchet Claw Publishing

Dear Mr. de Plume,

I had high hopes for Slush Pile Inspector. It has the makings of a hilarious satire on the publishing industry -- hyperbole, secrecy, and a narrator (probably unreliable, possibly delusional) in the know. So far, so good. The idea of a slush pile chute, and literal mountains of manuscripts in the basement, is funny, in a depressing kind of way, with the Slush Pile Inspector as the last hope for all those unagented, unsolicited manuscripts.

For me, at least, it didn't quite get off the ground. This is partly because the story I really wanted to read was the one about the narrator being forced at random and at gunpoint to represent a biker's poetry collection. I'm sorry, if you promise something like that, you'd better deliver quickly! Chapter 1 rambled around too much to hook me. The line about Zelda being undressed for success was pretty good, but the point of the scene -- beyond establishing the narrator as unreliable and deluded -- was lost on me. Most of the chapter felt like loosely connected gags from an overlong stand-up routine: some of them funny, many of them duds or uncomfortable or puzzling, that didn't quite add up to something worth that many words. I finished chapter 1 more out of a sense of duty than anything. I was relieved to find the succeeding shorter chapters to be tighter and funnier. They still weren't the over-the-top nuttiness that I was expecting from the pitch.

As I would expect, your editing was pretty good. I noted only a handful of corrections:

Ch 1
ones life should be one's life
glimmer of jealously should be glimmer of jealousy
verb+preposition combos (e.g. ended up, sweeping up, falling out, show up) do not need hyphens when used as verbs in the sentence.

Ch 5
hansom young man should be handsome young man

Although I can't imagine this would ever be traditionally published, it has the potential to be mock non-fiction that is both entertaining and informative, and you couldn't have a riper audience for it than us Authonomists. Tighten and focus the shaggy opening, push the satire over the top, and see where you end up! Good luck.

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED
ENDURANCE

Loved it! Talk about engaging a really crucial target audience ;) You've got this one in the bag. Good luck with it!

Best,

Ashley
'Maddy Hatfield and the Magic Locket'