GETTING NAKED AT THE HILTON

I just read your first three chapters and the attached two comments...I have no idea what 4dprefect was thinking when she said, "your books look kind of trashy" (and are not her thing at all) because I didn't get that at all. I did see the honesty and emotion of real people and that is often hard to stick on a written page, but you did so beautifully.

I only wish there was more than three chapters to read! BTW, I'm off to boot someone off my bookshelf so that you can go up. Good luck to you, love. Someone here has to love erotic literature and hopefuly they will find both of us...

Thank you for sharing Naked at the Hilton!!
Hugs,
Roxy

I loved it and can't understand why it's slipping down the ratings. So well written and I have to read more! Gordon (The Harpist of Madrid)

What a great finishing line to a fantastic beginning! Love the Mississippi metaphor you employ there! Great stuff and backed with no hesitation!

Well written and sexy.
Backed.

The pace and flow was good, I thought the dialogue was OK though not especially or "authentic" as one critic put it, I thought maybe in places the italics were overdone a little bit. Still overall this was easy to read and the emotional engagement was there. What can I say? I liked the cover picture LOL :-) Well done and happy to back!

Great Title

Good short overview.

The long overview is intrigueing but it seems to give alot away. There will probally be an assumption of sex based on the tags and such, the shower reference could give away a surprise for the reader. I would think about reworking the last paragraph.

In what chapter does the shower come into play? Up to that major plot points have been given away.

Just trying to help, hope you aren't pissed

Great Title

Good short overview.

The long overview is intrigueing but it seems to give alot away. There will probally be an assumption of sex based on the tags and such, the shower reference could give away a surprise for the reader. I would think about reworking the last paragraph.

In what chapter does the shower come into play? Up to that major plot points have been given away.

Just trying to help, hope you aren't pissed

No pompous critique. I simply enjoyed the read, thank you!

Hi D E,

I read your first chapter.

This is a well crafted story with interesting, sympathetic characters.

Your deep, deep point of view (accomplished through the inner thoughts mentioned by others) is well done and lets me live these experiences right along with the central characters.

Your dialogue is authentic and propels the story forward.

Your pacing is perfect for this type of story.

Only one suggested edit.

... strong chingave the impression ... Add a space between 'chin' and 'gave.'

This edit had no impact on my enjoyment of your characters and their sexy story.

Good luck with this book which I have backed.

Al

PS: Might I ask you to read and review SAVANNAH PASSION?

Simply said I enjoyed this and would like to read more.

I've read the first two chapters again and have a question. Is this geared towards a female audience? If so then you may want to watch out for the dreaded 'C' word. It usually offends most women, and you wouldn't want to turn off a reader because of a single word. Just a thought. I like the story for what it is. I think in this kind of story the plot is less important that the action. I may be wrong, but I've read a few erotic stories and it's usually about the action. I honestly can't even remember if there was a plot to the story. lol. I liked the game in the Hilton, sounds like a blast. Anyway, I'd go over this and check for words that are running together (missed spaces) and maybe think about cutting back on some of the internal thoughts. I use them alot and had to learn where to use them and when. If not then the character sounds kind of corny and dorky. Other than that I think it's a good start and will try to get back to read some more of it. Good luck with it, Linda.

Oh, and I'm going to put you back on my shelf for a bit it will not do much for your ranking since I've already had you there, but it will give some exposure for you.

I've put you on my shelf, talk about a bump in the night. lol I've read the first few chapters and I think it's great. Some of the internal monologue, to me, wasn't all that necessary. I use it alot too, and struggle to keep that balance between too much information and just enough smart ass attitude. Other than that it's quite a fun read. Good luck with it, Linda

Thank you for stopping by. I'll definently take a look at chapter two. I'd just done a rewrite, and may not have checked it as well as I should have. I'll correct at once. Your next on my list so I should have something for you this afternoon. Linda.

MrDee,

Thank you for reading and your excellent feedback. You’ve brought up a number of good points for clarification in chapters 1 & 2. Chapter 2, especially. You’re right that I need to clarify the fact that the chapter takes place in the middle of the night.

I would like to know more about your take on the pacing. Two other readers had the opposite opinion. Did you think the story developed too slow overall?

You have a good point about translating from English to German. In this instance, Polizei is the proper name for a faction of the German police during WWII, much like saying SWAT. It’s used to make the distinction between ‘regular’ police, the Gestapo, and the SS.

Your comments have been helpful and I look forward to returning the favor. I’ve added you to my watchlist and will leave comments when I’ve finished reading.

Thanks again,

Alice

Thing about erotica is, it isn't a single genre. It's a whole subset of genres. People's individual kinks are going to be misunderstood by other people with different kinks. I like to say, "One person's delicate story of love and romance is another person's revolting squick."

So you have to take negative comments with a heavy dose of salt. The only time they count is when a number of readers have the same opinion PLUS reason to back it up.

I've just started your story and soon will have comments of my own.

Hi Dee

I've only had a chance to read chapter 1 so far, which, I'm pleased to say, disappoints me, I really wanted to read on but I have other things to do; I'm sorry. I love it. I do have to say that I don't believe in it, you know, the characters are too 'pretty', too horny; I can't see a 'real' reality in it, but I think that it does have a great sense of fantasised reality about it, which, I suspect, is actually your aim. I will be back to read the rest and have put it on my bookshelf as it's definitely something I would buy. Thank you.

James

Hello!

Yes!! I will take you up on that offer!
RoxyHarte@gmail.com
I am looking forward to it! I also believe we have a lot we could talk about off-site LOL Thank you.

Hugs,
Roxy

I just read your first three chapters and the attached two comments...I have no idea what 4dprefect was thinking when she said, "your books look kind of trashy" (and are not her thing at all) because I didn't get that at all. I did see the honesty and emotion of real people and that is often hard to stick on a written page, but you did so beautifully.

I only wish there was more than three chapters to read! BTW, I'm off to boot someone off my bookshelf so that you can go up. Good luck to you, love. Someone here has to love erotic literature and hopefuly they will find both of us...

Thank you for sharing Naked at the Hilton!!
Hugs,
Roxy

Trashy? I'm so there. I've watch listed this till I have some time to read. Good luck, Linda.

Hi Dee. Your books look kind of trashy, not my thing at all. You seem to be lagging far behind in the rankings and I'm sure my #25 Talent Spotter ranking won't be able to do much to help you. Sorry.